Monkey Wrench (2022) s01e02 Episode Script
Lythop Liberation
[doctor] L.A.W.'s science division
estimates that the planet will collapse
in less than four hours.
Your task, capture the last remaining
endangered life-forms.
-Are you ready?
-[suspenseful music playing]
Beebs, this mission is going to be…
-[music stops]
-Absolutely boring.
Don't dillydally and don't break
those devices I gave you.
Uh-huh.
The previous team I hired
scarpered off with my other pair,
too fast for my old bones.
So them's me last ones.
The department
is spread thin enough as it is,
and I ain't got time to deal
with more shenaniganery,
lollygagging, or shilly-shallying!
Ooh!
Are you listening to me? Huh!
Mercs! Back in my day…
Don't worry, Dr. Agness.
We take all our jobs seriously, don't we?
Well, you darn well better.
The sooner this is done,
the sooner we can get paid.
And the sooner we get
these Lythop creatures
off world to safety, right?
Oh! Uh, yes, of course, deary.
See you lovely boys soon! Muah!
-We won't let you down.
-[Shrike squeaks]
Maldita sea, hijo de puta. ¡Mamagüevo!
My translator can't pick you up
when you mumble like that, man.
Well, if you weren't so stingy
and got one of them internal models,
you wouldn't have that problem.
Mm.
This is the last time
I let you pick the job.
I was expecting fire,
explosions, excitement.
Not… this.
I thought you liked flashy,
bright, red things.
Are you still
bent out of shape about that?
I gave you one job.
-[rewinding]
-[jaunty guitar music playing]
And, thanks to me,
the Bucket is muy hermosa.
Look, uh,
it… it's just like El Bandito's ride!
[voice screams]
You and your Terran cartoons.
[snickering]
Knock it off, you're going to hurt it.
It's just a dumb plant.
It don't feel nothing.
[ominous musical sting plays]
Shrike…
I'm serious.
[laughing]
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait. Watch this. Watch this.
Ho! Ha! Hee! Ha! Ho-ha! Ha! Ha!
-En garde! You're dead.
-[laughing]
Remember, we're on a timer, boys.
Would you kindly move along?
-Now!
-[both] Sorry ma'am. Right away.
[upbeat rock music playing]
[music intensifies]
[eerie music playing]
They… [gulps]
They in there?
Yep.
You sure they're not
around back or something?
This thing ain't broken? [chuckles]
-[grunting]
-[machine barking]
This is just like…
[sighs] Don't tell me.
One of your Terran cartoons?
Don't knock Terrans, amigo.
They were a huge part of history.
They brought us cartoons, pizza,
the galactic-wide cataclysm.
-Lots of fun stuff.
-[voice screams]
I don't think a show
about colorful cartoon characters
should be taken seriously.
They had to be
onto something with this stuff.
Why else would they make
over 57 episodes of the same thing?
[mysterious music playing]
You have a light
in that head of yours, don't you?
No, I had to make room for…
[in Spanish] … the old woman's trash.
[in English] Don't you have one
in your shoulder nipple?
But you had room for those tapes?
[creatures chirping]
Just stick close.
[groans, grunts]
Do I have to go in there?
Only if you want to get paid.
Hmm… [whimpering]
Darkness, money. Darkness, money.
Beebs!
[eerie music playing]
Dr. Agness, are you there?
Can you hear us?
Probably can't reach us in here, amigo.
Good. Because I think you might be right.
Of course I am. Wait, right about what?
About this job.
Agness said this planet
is going to collapse in four hours, right?
Yeah?
Shouldn't there be more tectonic activity?
Like quakes and stuff?
I don't know.
Do I look like a gynecologist?
-Ugh! A geologist, man.
-Whatever!
And why just these Lythop things?
We've seen tons of critters
scampering about.
Why not take them too?
And them L.A.W. guys don't care
unless you can pay taxes or hold a gun.
And didn't you say
not to break contracts anymore? Mm?
[Beebs] Mm-hmm.
-[machine barking]
-[high voice laughs]
[grunts] Did you hear that?
No.
Did I hear that?
I… I don't know.
The implosion?
[shrieks] It's starting!
[loud crash]
[eerie musical sting plays]
Oh. ¡Encantador!
Beebs, I'm freaking out!
[high-pitched laughter]
-[laughter stops]
-[high-pitched voice] Seize them!
-[bellows] Ya!
-[Shrike screams]
[slow percussive music playing]
If this keeps happening,
I may start enjoying it.
[Lythop leader] My brothers,
the Striking Sun has once again
sent their willing pawns
to try and capture us.
And once again, they have failed!
They shall be made examples of!
-[Shrike snickering]
-Uh? W… W… Why are you laughing?
You're just so… lindo.
Am I hearing this right?
[high voice] How dare you laugh!
I'll show you the might of the Lythops!
My brothers!
[machine barking]
-[grunts, shrieks]
-[machine yelps]
[coughing] Owie!
Careful, you're going to get a boo-boo.
No! No clapping!
You're supposed to be a-feared!
You're… [splutters]
How did you get out of your binds?
Put me down this instant! I'm royalty!
Ah! Look at him.
You got that translator
from those corpses over there, didn't you?
Yes, you did! Yes, you did!
-Quit squeezing me!
-[giggling]
You heard him. Knock it off.
I don't do nothing to him.
What about all the ones
you're stepping on?
-Ooh! Eh! Ah! Ooh! Ah!
-[Lythop creatures giggling]
-My bad.
-[Lythop creature] We stepped on.
Sturdy little fellas.
Uh, sorry, Your Highness.
There's been a big misunderstanding.
We're not here to harm you.
We're here to save you.
Your planet's
going to cursplode… [in Spanish] …pointy.
[in English] Cursplode?
You're…You're not with the Striking Sun?
[grunting]
Ain't no sun here.
[gasps] How you do that?!
This old thing? Had it since, uh… Huh.
Forever, I guess.
Can put whatever I want into it.
Me! Me! I go! I go!
Yeah, sure thing, little amigo.
[grunts] Nya!
-Nya! Nya! Ha! Nya!
-[Lythop creatures] Whoa! Whoa! Ah!
Ooh! Ah…
-Ah!
-[cheering, applauding]
Magic!
[gasping]
[sobbing]
[Shrike mutters]
[splutters] The Mother Crystal!
-¿Qué?
-You're the bearer of the Mother Crystal.
One foretold to save us all.
A prophecy held by that guy!
Yep, that's me.
Aha.
Well, vámonos. Mama needs to get paid.
Yes! Onward, my brothers!
Onward to salvation!
[all squealing, chattering]
Oh, dearest Mother Crystal,
may we stay by your side?
Oh, sure thing… [in Spanish] …pointy.
[in English] Look, Beebs.
Got a little mini-me.
Need that like another hole in your head.
Can you say "dinero"?
-Dinero!
-[gasps]
[squeals] Perfecto.
[Lythop leader] You know, Mother Crystal,
when we build our new utopia,
I can be your right-hand gem.
Me being the oldest and all.
I'm a pretty good leader, you know.
[upbeat music plays]
[music fades]
[beeping]
-[whirring]
-Ah!
About time you boys showed up.
Thought you'd gone
done a legger on me for a minute.
Got them all round up?
No, they're all in here, amiga.
Well, except for… [in Spanish] pointy.
-[in English] Where'd you go?
-These Lythops are curious little buggers.
The rocky ones have amazing durability.
Add some of their essence
to any metal alloy,
and it becomes impervious
to almost anything.
Their crystals, on the other hand,
can pierce the thickest warship armor.
[Beebs grunts]
[whirring]
-[creatures scream]
-What… What the hell are you doing?
[Agness] Combine them both…
The Striking Sun!
…and you have the strongest arsenal
this universe has yet to see. Ooh!
I'll make a mint!
-[loud slam]
-[crackling]
You were never
with L.A.W. Science, were you?
Oh, boo-hoo!
Like you boys aren't playing
dress-up yourselves.
Sensitive and stupid.
Mercs back in my day
were made of sterner stuff.
Though I have to admit,
despite your buffoonery,
I now have all the data I need
to replicate their elements.
So, as a show of thanks,
how about I give
you whippersnappers a taste
of Granny's home cookin'!
-[sinister laughter]
-[rock music playing]
-[Shrike whimpering]
-Whoa!
Whoa!
[groans] Oh! My new paint job!
Hey, puta, grind up an entire species
on your own time.
But when you wreck my ship,
it gets personal!
[Agness laughing]
[taunting] Ah-ah-ah!
[grunting]
-[loud clang]
-[Beebs grunts]
[Agness grunts]
[all grunting]
-[Beebs groans]
-Why can't we hurt this thing?
Long answer, you can't.
Short answer… [grunts]
[laughs] Huh?
-[grunts]
-[Agness groans]
[Agness whimpering]
-Ha ha!
-[Beebs] Yeah
[both grunt]
Ha ha! Ah! Ah!
-Huh?
-[clangs]
[Agness grunting]
[Beebs groans]
[Beebs moaning] Ah! Ah! Huh!
-[Agness bellowing] Uh! Uh! Ah!
-[Beebs] Whoa!
-[Agness laughs]
-[explosion]
[rock music continues]
[Agness] Ooh!
Holding out on me, are you, sonny?
-Let's see what properties you have.
-[Shrike grunts]
[echoing] Careful, you'll get a boo-boo.
We stepped on…
Yep, that's me.
No more!
[Agness snickering]
Huh?
-What in the Heidi-jeebidies?
-[Lythop leader] No more!
A crystal one? How?
As long as I draw breath,
you shall not harm another.
Mother Crystal, I shall be
your sword of vengeance!
You got it, little amigo. En garde!
-[rock music playing]
-[shrieks] Ah!
[Agness grunting]
[Shrike grunting]
-Huh! Uh!
-[Agness muttering]
[both grunting]
[Shrike straining]
Ha! Playtime's over, brat!
Real life isn't some silly cartoon show.
You sure? Because if you watched some,
you'd know what's coming next.
You said what now?
[Agness whimpering]
For my brothers!
[loud explosion]
Totally… like a cartoon.
-And that's how it happened.
-[sobbing]
[both] Uh…
[laid-back music playing]
You have the right to remain silent.
And, uh… uh… uh…
Anything you say can and will be used
against you in the court of L.A.W.
Uh, thanks. [chuckles]
Yeah, us blue guys,
we don't usually do this sort of stuff.
Do you wanna?
Nah, amigo. That ain't my thing no more.
Illegal weapons production, arms trading,
impersonating a L.A.W. Science official.
Genocide?! [whistles] Boy!
[chuckles] These are some hefty charges.
We don't usually process bounties,
but you're lucky we were close by.
I could probably
get you something around… [clicks teeth]
…400k. Sound good?
Thank you, officer, but what about him?
-[gentle music playing]
-[crying]
Hmm. Hard to say.
Being the last of your race can be rough.
[crying]
Mi mujer.
I'm sure we'll find him
someplace else to call home.
You guys are mercs, right?
All right, fancy doing us a favor?
A… A paid favor?
[sniffles] Está bien, bebé.
We'll get you fixed up.
You forgive me, right? [grunts]
We got a new job! Let's get moving.
What? Already? What about the… [grunts]
[suspenseful percussive music playing]
Uh, did… did you warn him
about all the, you know, death?
Hmm? Uh… nah. [chuckles]
[rock music playing]
[music fades]
estimates that the planet will collapse
in less than four hours.
Your task, capture the last remaining
endangered life-forms.
-Are you ready?
-[suspenseful music playing]
Beebs, this mission is going to be…
-[music stops]
-Absolutely boring.
Don't dillydally and don't break
those devices I gave you.
Uh-huh.
The previous team I hired
scarpered off with my other pair,
too fast for my old bones.
So them's me last ones.
The department
is spread thin enough as it is,
and I ain't got time to deal
with more shenaniganery,
lollygagging, or shilly-shallying!
Ooh!
Are you listening to me? Huh!
Mercs! Back in my day…
Don't worry, Dr. Agness.
We take all our jobs seriously, don't we?
Well, you darn well better.
The sooner this is done,
the sooner we can get paid.
And the sooner we get
these Lythop creatures
off world to safety, right?
Oh! Uh, yes, of course, deary.
See you lovely boys soon! Muah!
-We won't let you down.
-[Shrike squeaks]
Maldita sea, hijo de puta. ¡Mamagüevo!
My translator can't pick you up
when you mumble like that, man.
Well, if you weren't so stingy
and got one of them internal models,
you wouldn't have that problem.
Mm.
This is the last time
I let you pick the job.
I was expecting fire,
explosions, excitement.
Not… this.
I thought you liked flashy,
bright, red things.
Are you still
bent out of shape about that?
I gave you one job.
-[rewinding]
-[jaunty guitar music playing]
And, thanks to me,
the Bucket is muy hermosa.
Look, uh,
it… it's just like El Bandito's ride!
[voice screams]
You and your Terran cartoons.
[snickering]
Knock it off, you're going to hurt it.
It's just a dumb plant.
It don't feel nothing.
[ominous musical sting plays]
Shrike…
I'm serious.
[laughing]
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait. Watch this. Watch this.
Ho! Ha! Hee! Ha! Ho-ha! Ha! Ha!
-En garde! You're dead.
-[laughing]
Remember, we're on a timer, boys.
Would you kindly move along?
-Now!
-[both] Sorry ma'am. Right away.
[upbeat rock music playing]
[music intensifies]
[eerie music playing]
They… [gulps]
They in there?
Yep.
You sure they're not
around back or something?
This thing ain't broken? [chuckles]
-[grunting]
-[machine barking]
This is just like…
[sighs] Don't tell me.
One of your Terran cartoons?
Don't knock Terrans, amigo.
They were a huge part of history.
They brought us cartoons, pizza,
the galactic-wide cataclysm.
-Lots of fun stuff.
-[voice screams]
I don't think a show
about colorful cartoon characters
should be taken seriously.
They had to be
onto something with this stuff.
Why else would they make
over 57 episodes of the same thing?
[mysterious music playing]
You have a light
in that head of yours, don't you?
No, I had to make room for…
[in Spanish] … the old woman's trash.
[in English] Don't you have one
in your shoulder nipple?
But you had room for those tapes?
[creatures chirping]
Just stick close.
[groans, grunts]
Do I have to go in there?
Only if you want to get paid.
Hmm… [whimpering]
Darkness, money. Darkness, money.
Beebs!
[eerie music playing]
Dr. Agness, are you there?
Can you hear us?
Probably can't reach us in here, amigo.
Good. Because I think you might be right.
Of course I am. Wait, right about what?
About this job.
Agness said this planet
is going to collapse in four hours, right?
Yeah?
Shouldn't there be more tectonic activity?
Like quakes and stuff?
I don't know.
Do I look like a gynecologist?
-Ugh! A geologist, man.
-Whatever!
And why just these Lythop things?
We've seen tons of critters
scampering about.
Why not take them too?
And them L.A.W. guys don't care
unless you can pay taxes or hold a gun.
And didn't you say
not to break contracts anymore? Mm?
[Beebs] Mm-hmm.
-[machine barking]
-[high voice laughs]
[grunts] Did you hear that?
No.
Did I hear that?
I… I don't know.
The implosion?
[shrieks] It's starting!
[loud crash]
[eerie musical sting plays]
Oh. ¡Encantador!
Beebs, I'm freaking out!
[high-pitched laughter]
-[laughter stops]
-[high-pitched voice] Seize them!
-[bellows] Ya!
-[Shrike screams]
[slow percussive music playing]
If this keeps happening,
I may start enjoying it.
[Lythop leader] My brothers,
the Striking Sun has once again
sent their willing pawns
to try and capture us.
And once again, they have failed!
They shall be made examples of!
-[Shrike snickering]
-Uh? W… W… Why are you laughing?
You're just so… lindo.
Am I hearing this right?
[high voice] How dare you laugh!
I'll show you the might of the Lythops!
My brothers!
[machine barking]
-[grunts, shrieks]
-[machine yelps]
[coughing] Owie!
Careful, you're going to get a boo-boo.
No! No clapping!
You're supposed to be a-feared!
You're… [splutters]
How did you get out of your binds?
Put me down this instant! I'm royalty!
Ah! Look at him.
You got that translator
from those corpses over there, didn't you?
Yes, you did! Yes, you did!
-Quit squeezing me!
-[giggling]
You heard him. Knock it off.
I don't do nothing to him.
What about all the ones
you're stepping on?
-Ooh! Eh! Ah! Ooh! Ah!
-[Lythop creatures giggling]
-My bad.
-[Lythop creature] We stepped on.
Sturdy little fellas.
Uh, sorry, Your Highness.
There's been a big misunderstanding.
We're not here to harm you.
We're here to save you.
Your planet's
going to cursplode… [in Spanish] …pointy.
[in English] Cursplode?
You're…You're not with the Striking Sun?
[grunting]
Ain't no sun here.
[gasps] How you do that?!
This old thing? Had it since, uh… Huh.
Forever, I guess.
Can put whatever I want into it.
Me! Me! I go! I go!
Yeah, sure thing, little amigo.
[grunts] Nya!
-Nya! Nya! Ha! Nya!
-[Lythop creatures] Whoa! Whoa! Ah!
Ooh! Ah…
-Ah!
-[cheering, applauding]
Magic!
[gasping]
[sobbing]
[Shrike mutters]
[splutters] The Mother Crystal!
-¿Qué?
-You're the bearer of the Mother Crystal.
One foretold to save us all.
A prophecy held by that guy!
Yep, that's me.
Aha.
Well, vámonos. Mama needs to get paid.
Yes! Onward, my brothers!
Onward to salvation!
[all squealing, chattering]
Oh, dearest Mother Crystal,
may we stay by your side?
Oh, sure thing… [in Spanish] …pointy.
[in English] Look, Beebs.
Got a little mini-me.
Need that like another hole in your head.
Can you say "dinero"?
-Dinero!
-[gasps]
[squeals] Perfecto.
[Lythop leader] You know, Mother Crystal,
when we build our new utopia,
I can be your right-hand gem.
Me being the oldest and all.
I'm a pretty good leader, you know.
[upbeat music plays]
[music fades]
[beeping]
-[whirring]
-Ah!
About time you boys showed up.
Thought you'd gone
done a legger on me for a minute.
Got them all round up?
No, they're all in here, amiga.
Well, except for… [in Spanish] pointy.
-[in English] Where'd you go?
-These Lythops are curious little buggers.
The rocky ones have amazing durability.
Add some of their essence
to any metal alloy,
and it becomes impervious
to almost anything.
Their crystals, on the other hand,
can pierce the thickest warship armor.
[Beebs grunts]
[whirring]
-[creatures scream]
-What… What the hell are you doing?
[Agness] Combine them both…
The Striking Sun!
…and you have the strongest arsenal
this universe has yet to see. Ooh!
I'll make a mint!
-[loud slam]
-[crackling]
You were never
with L.A.W. Science, were you?
Oh, boo-hoo!
Like you boys aren't playing
dress-up yourselves.
Sensitive and stupid.
Mercs back in my day
were made of sterner stuff.
Though I have to admit,
despite your buffoonery,
I now have all the data I need
to replicate their elements.
So, as a show of thanks,
how about I give
you whippersnappers a taste
of Granny's home cookin'!
-[sinister laughter]
-[rock music playing]
-[Shrike whimpering]
-Whoa!
Whoa!
[groans] Oh! My new paint job!
Hey, puta, grind up an entire species
on your own time.
But when you wreck my ship,
it gets personal!
[Agness laughing]
[taunting] Ah-ah-ah!
[grunting]
-[loud clang]
-[Beebs grunts]
[Agness grunts]
[all grunting]
-[Beebs groans]
-Why can't we hurt this thing?
Long answer, you can't.
Short answer… [grunts]
[laughs] Huh?
-[grunts]
-[Agness groans]
[Agness whimpering]
-Ha ha!
-[Beebs] Yeah
[both grunt]
Ha ha! Ah! Ah!
-Huh?
-[clangs]
[Agness grunting]
[Beebs groans]
[Beebs moaning] Ah! Ah! Huh!
-[Agness bellowing] Uh! Uh! Ah!
-[Beebs] Whoa!
-[Agness laughs]
-[explosion]
[rock music continues]
[Agness] Ooh!
Holding out on me, are you, sonny?
-Let's see what properties you have.
-[Shrike grunts]
[echoing] Careful, you'll get a boo-boo.
We stepped on…
Yep, that's me.
No more!
[Agness snickering]
Huh?
-What in the Heidi-jeebidies?
-[Lythop leader] No more!
A crystal one? How?
As long as I draw breath,
you shall not harm another.
Mother Crystal, I shall be
your sword of vengeance!
You got it, little amigo. En garde!
-[rock music playing]
-[shrieks] Ah!
[Agness grunting]
[Shrike grunting]
-Huh! Uh!
-[Agness muttering]
[both grunting]
[Shrike straining]
Ha! Playtime's over, brat!
Real life isn't some silly cartoon show.
You sure? Because if you watched some,
you'd know what's coming next.
You said what now?
[Agness whimpering]
For my brothers!
[loud explosion]
Totally… like a cartoon.
-And that's how it happened.
-[sobbing]
[both] Uh…
[laid-back music playing]
You have the right to remain silent.
And, uh… uh… uh…
Anything you say can and will be used
against you in the court of L.A.W.
Uh, thanks. [chuckles]
Yeah, us blue guys,
we don't usually do this sort of stuff.
Do you wanna?
Nah, amigo. That ain't my thing no more.
Illegal weapons production, arms trading,
impersonating a L.A.W. Science official.
Genocide?! [whistles] Boy!
[chuckles] These are some hefty charges.
We don't usually process bounties,
but you're lucky we were close by.
I could probably
get you something around… [clicks teeth]
…400k. Sound good?
Thank you, officer, but what about him?
-[gentle music playing]
-[crying]
Hmm. Hard to say.
Being the last of your race can be rough.
[crying]
Mi mujer.
I'm sure we'll find him
someplace else to call home.
You guys are mercs, right?
All right, fancy doing us a favor?
A… A paid favor?
[sniffles] Está bien, bebé.
We'll get you fixed up.
You forgive me, right? [grunts]
We got a new job! Let's get moving.
What? Already? What about the… [grunts]
[suspenseful percussive music playing]
Uh, did… did you warn him
about all the, you know, death?
Hmm? Uh… nah. [chuckles]
[rock music playing]
[music fades]