Mr. D (2012) s01e02 Episode Script

1
"and that is when
the man approached him."
Great! Thank you, Lucy.
Next up, Step
Stephan, take your time please.
"When the man a-arrived
he ask-ed for the moe-ney?"
Money. He asked for the money.
Yup, a little quicker too okay?
"He said he lik-ed
lik-ed like-da"
- Just liked.
- "Just liked"
- No
- "everything a"
- "bout the car."
- Okay, good. Keep going.
- "When the man"
- No, Stephan you just read that line, okay?
Remember what I said to you,
ya gotta follow with your finger okay?
- Should I keep going?
- No, that was good.
But I wanna finish it.
Uh, but it's someone
else's turn now.
Thank you. Next up.
- Good job, Stephan.
- Thanks, Lucy.
Lucy seriously? Okay?
Okay, Paul? No, sorry, mistake.
Sha no
Sar no
Lucy, it's your turn again.
I'm just gonna have Lucy
She's gonna read
the whole year, okay? All right.
- Jeremy!
- Okay, it's, again, Gerry.
Ah Gerry, I tells you the weather,
every time the rain come,
I find, and it make me, my back,
I found that guy he put
the moisten on it,
and the day later it pop.
And then I say to my wife
Blaftoni Sharmutaya blaftoni!
- I don't know what you're saying.
- It's tough Gerry.
Every time the money comes out
the other peoples take it away.
- Mr. Cheeley!
- Mr. Duncan.
- Ah, Mr. Malek.
- Malik, it's pronounced Malik.
Mr. Malik, remember,
you and I spoke earlier
and you're gonna stay very late
tonight. Do you remember?
We spoke earlier and you're
gonna stay here very late tonight,
because the last four
five times you've said
you were gonna stay,
you somehow forgot so we spoke,
he's a witness you're staying
here very late tonight.
Yes, I put the
thought in the place right now.
Great!
I don't like that Mr. Cheeto.
Well thank you for that, Terrence,
so we're down to one
more item on the agenda.
Actually, I have
something to add to it.
Well, that's a little unorthodox,
but, but fine, I'll allow it
at the end after the final item
which is everyone's favourite
guidance counsellor, Ms MacPhee,
tells us about the 24-hour famine.
I don't think that was unorthodox.
Thank you Robert.
Wow!
War, famine, poverty,
the environment.
These are issues
that I care deeply about
and you really should too.
I've organized this 24-hour famine
because there are so many
children in the world
who wake up every single morning
with no food to put in their bellies.
- Trudy
- What?
- Trudy
- Trudy.
It's a bagel.
Just remember that
some of your students
will have stopped eating at 7:00am
and they're subsisting
on just water.
They'll be sleeping over
at the school tonight.
And everyone who makes it through
will have a celebratory breakfast
together tomorrow morning.
And we will have a vegan option.
Okay, good to know.
I could always use more
help if anyone
I will help, I'll be there.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
You said you were coming
to my thing tonight.
- This is way better.
- This is a famine.
- Yeah.
- Simon??
Shh!
Thank you Ms. MacPhee.
It does take a lot of work.
I think we should applaud
Ms. MacPhee for her efforts.
Thank you Simon.
I think we should stand
and thank Ms. MacPhee.
Okay.
Lisa's now going to
talk about her night
which is the complete
opposite of the famine.
Thanks Gerry. Ok, so I just wanted
to remind everyone about
the staff social tonight.
It's gonna be a lot of fun,
so if anyone's free you
should come out
and have some drinks.
Will there be lots of food?
Yes, Gerry. There'll be
food there.
So you can, you can
feast or famine.
It's it's a joke.
Oh, my God.
Bad joke.
Morning, morning, morning.
Don't cut yourself, Dominic.
- Ooooh, last
- Mr Duncan.
I thought you were
participating in the famine.
No, I am supervising the famine.
Oh, but you can't supervise
the famine without participating.
Sends a weird message to the kids.
And where's that message
displayed, somewhere?
In their minds when they
see you eating and they can't.
- Fine! I will participate and I will win.
- You don't win a famine,
- you might win a muffin eating contest.
- Ha-ha.
Plus, I know the real reason
you got involved with the famine.
No, we both don't.
I do, you don't.
- I know for a fact that I do know.
- You think you know.
No, I don't think,
I know exactly why.
No, you're guessing. Okay.
On the count of three, we'll
both say at the exact same time
- why I'm doing the famine.
- Promise?
- One, two, three, compassion.
- Give it up.
You have designs on Ms. McPhee.
- Tell the truth.
- I do not have
- So what?
- Go on.
Have compassion for this okay?
So if you don't mind,
I have a muffin to go eat.
Good, enjoy. Oh, what
about the famine?
I don't recall any muffin
exemptions in this famine.
Look! I haven't eaten
since seven o'clock last night.
Fine, but we both know you're not going to
make it through the night without eating.
- Wanna bet?
- Great.
If I win I get to be vice
principal for the day.
And if you win you get to
teach my grade five class
for the rest of the year.
That's a demotion.
If I win, you have to
match my pledges
dollar for dollar for dollar.
- Done.
- Fine.
Kids, listen up, please.
Mr. D is no longer doing
a 24-hour famine,
- I'm doing a 36-hour famine.
- Oh, bravo!
And I will begin by
not eating this muffin,
to show you
my commitment to famine.
Thank you! Lucky shot.
But you still have to
pay for the muffin.
It's wasteful, too.
I hate him,
put a muffin on Mr. D's tab.
- You mean Mr. Dwyer's tab?
- Yeah, Mr. Dwyer, that's correct.
Thank you.
So, what, I can't eat a bagel now?
I know, right? Is she for real?
Hey guys?
I got a table for 20 tonight,
- do you think that'll be enough?
- Yes.
- Yup, I think that should do it.
- -Oh yeah.
- Yeah, mm-hmm.
- You're still coming right?
You know, this is the
problem, we can't go.
- We have, um
- Yeah can't happen.
- The, um There's the
- We have a spinning class.
- Spinning.
- Wow.
Trudy, there's two for one drinks.
- Two for one drinks?
- Yeah, two for one.
Here's what I'm thinking, Bobbi,
I'm thinking that we can
- probably miss swimming
- Spinning.
Spinning, just this one time.
- And we will be there.
- Okay, friends.
- Okay I'll see ya tonight.
- Okay.
- What is wrong with you?
- What?
You know when you hear
me say spinning,
it means I don't
want to do something.
Yeah, and you know
when you hear me say
two for one drinks, that means
I do want to do something.
Goin' for my record here.
Are You There God?
It's Me, Margaret.
What's that all about, Sheila?
It's just a story about a girl.
Mmm, true story?
Sir, I'd rather not talk about it.
Sir, I can't concentrate
with you talking.
Jonathan, I can't concentrate
when you're in my class.
So we all have things
that ruin our concentration.
Mine is you, so just keep reading.
Fourteen minutes left to read.
Ah, well I wish you
could come tonight.
Yeah, I wish I could be
in two places at the same time.
Actually there have been
significant advancements
with cloning that suggest
that you could create
two individual people
with a shared personality.
Weird Well, there will
be lots of people there so
I don't think Mr. Young likes me.
Oh, it's Lee-yung his
parents are Chinese,
- Adopted.
- Oh, my God,
I've been calling him
"Young" this entire time.
That's why he doesn't like me.
When you are in the library,
you shut your mouth.
- Hi, Simon!
- Hey.
Okay, I don't know if that's why,
but he definitely
doesn't like you.
All right kids,
while you were reading
the last 15 or 16 minutes,
I was surfing the Internet.
Looking up the book
that Sheila is reading.
Because she didn't want to tell me
because the book is about menstruation.
Visit from Aunt Flo,
the crimson wave.
I know the terms, ladies.
Nothing you can say will shock me.
It's part of your body. How many
girls in here have not had their period?
- That's not funny.
- Yes, it is.
It's insensitive.
I apologize, ladies,
for Jonathan's insensitivity.
Girls, none of you have to
ever fear
about telling me
that you've had your period.
You don't have to lie and be ashamed
and hide books you're reading on it.
I know what you're going through.
Not personally, obviously.
If you're pregnant,
your period stops.
Which is like this
magical thing that just happens.
Ok, that's it.
- Have a good day.
- So embarrassing.
Oh, by the way ladies,
if you get "that time,"
stay out of the ocean. Sharks!
That's what they're looking for.
- Are you ready to starve?
- What?
- Oh, it was just a joke.
- About starving children?
Yeah, that's never funny, I guess.
Gerry, over 20,000 people
died from starvation today.
Mmmm, I think I would
have heard about that.
- Oh, no, this is crazy.
- Oh, excuse me, I'm needed.
Look how busy this is,
how are we going to talk?
Mr. Duncan -What?
Glad you decided
to join the famine.
- What'd you have for lunch.
- Today? I'm not eating, you know that.
Okay? Staying strong.
Fine, I'll be looking out for you.
Raymond!
Uh, no flips, get out!
I said that already.
Well, Ms. MacPhee, Eva.
I just finished 24 hours of my
- Raymond!
- 36-hour famine.
Wow, I wish more staff
were committed like you Gerry.
Did you know that
90 percent of people
don't passionately care
about anything?
I try to passionately care
about everything.
- Me, too.
- Oh, hey, Simon.
- How's everything going?
- Hello, Simon.
Great, balloon suit is a hit.
Kids seem to really like it.
They get to pop it.
I don't think they really
would enjoy that at this age.
I have a game that I think
everyone would love.
- Great!
- Ok!
Kids! Come on in here!
Mr. D has a game for you.
You'll love it!
Have a seat, everybody.
Yeah, come on in, Mr. Cheeley!
All right, we're going to play
a get to know each other game.
Great. Community building.
- Namaste.
- No mistakes, I promise.
All right, Ms. MacPhee will start.
She will say three things about
herself but one of them is false.
And we have to guess which one is false.
Okay? You start us off.
Okay, I've been vegan
for 15 years,
I'm a certified yoga instructor,
and I, um I have a dog.
Okay, but we know that's not
true because she took too long.
You have to say them
quickly in a row. Watch.
I'm a good singer, I'm a good dancer,
I'm good at all sports except swimming.
- Is it that you can't sing?
- I'm a great singer.
- You can't dance?
- I'm a good dancer.
- So you're not good at all sports?
- I'm good at all sports,
and I can swim. So it was a
little bit of a cheat there,
but now you know more about me.
See how that works?
Okay, my favorite animal
is a dragon,
my middle name is Frederick
and once in college,
I made out with three girls
at the same time,
- all of our tongues sort of overlapping
- No, Simon, you can't say that.
- And the fake one was the dragon.
- Simon.
Because dragons aren't animals,
they are beasts of mythology and lore.
Ms. MacPhee, can I
go to the bathroom?
- Yeah, sure.
- Or Mr. D, you can ask either one of us.
All right? Sheila had to go because
Sheila had a visit from Aunt Flo.
Oh, sorry, these are reserved.
Oh, thank God you're here!
Have a seat, sit down.
I had to keep ordering drinks
to keep the tables.
- Oh, I'm so happy you came.
- Me, too.
Yeah, well we're here now.
Mama needs a drink.
But you also need too
One track mind.
I kept losing people
to that famine.
- Famines'll do that
- Yeah.
Oh, ya hear that?
Hear my stomach growl?
Like a tiger.
Hey, you ever tried roasted beet
salad with goat cheese in it?
- Are you kidding me right now?
- -It's an unbelievable combination
my mom used to make it the
flavors bring each other
All I'm thinking about is food.
I'm starved and you bring up food.
My head is pounding I'm dizzy,
I'm going to collapse
in a minute
I just want a little time with Eva
and you're talking about food?
- You like Eva?
- I never said I liked Eva,
I said I wanted talk to
her and get to know her.
I could put in a good word
for you with Eva if you want.
Do not put a good word in,
forget I even brought up Eva.
Done. Forgot.
- I'm too hungry for this.
- Too hungry for love, Gerry?
- Excuse me, Lori.
- Yeah?
- What is that?
- Lip balm.
Lip balm. I will need
to take that lip balm.
You cannot have lip balm
here at the school.
This looks like
what flavor is this?
- Cherry.
- Cherry, hmmm.
This is a famine. Okay?
Cherry's a fruit.
- Okay.
- Don't break the rules.
I will take this.
You will get it back.
And so there were these
really cool LA Gear sneakers
that were pink and white and
they had these little diamonds,
like all throughout it,
and I loved those shoes,
and my mom gave them to Goodwill
and then when I was 16, and
I got this driving instructor,
the driving instructor
was wearing the same ones,
and I was, like,
"Where did you get those?"
I wanna get another pair.
They were so awesome.
Hey, Mr. Leung came.
- And he brought his son, too.
- Hey, Mr Leung.
I am so glad you guys could
make it and who are you?
This is my boy.
Aw I just
It's just so heartwarming
- that you chose to adopt.
- What?
- Oh, God.
- Thank you.
- I am so sorry.
- You just shush.
Listen, hey, hey,
Me and your mother were
gonna tell you okay?
Talk later, okay?
Some French fries first?
Hey, do not disrespect me
with tears.
Bill, yeah.
I need you to do me a huge favor.
I'm at this thing at school,
it's all night, it's a famine.
I haven't eaten in 20 hours or 30,
I don't even know how long it is. Listen!
This is a school not a bar
I need you to get me some food.
'Cause I'm starving, that's why.
Just get me something.
I'll meet you out front.
Put the iPod away, Raymond.
It's bedtime, okay?
Don't honk the horn, idiot.
Turn it off, don't!
Don't drive up.
- Don't complain.
- Oh, thanks man!
- I said a sandwich.
- Give it back.
- No, this is fine.
- All right.
- Awesome Man! I owe ya big time.
- Yeah you do.
I gotta take off. I have a date.
Too hot, man.
Joanna? Who's it with?
- Ah, no.
- Susan?
- It's a girl.
- This is hot!
No!
Oh, my God! You've
got to be kidding me!
How are those fries, Gary?
- Good.
- Yeah Gary, they look really good.
His name is pronounced Gare-wee.
I just said it.
Okay, all right, you know what?
I don't know why you don't like me.
But I have had it.
I didn't know that your kids
name was pronounced Gare-wee.
Okay? I am sorry, Mr Leung.
I am here to have fun. Mmm.
I organized this little soiree
to have fun.
And you know what?
That's what I am going to do.
I am going to go dancing
and let this hair down
and I am gonna get down. So
Trudy! Bobbi! I come for party!
Such moves.
Whoo!
Eat your fries.
- I'd hit that.
- Seriously?
Oh yeah, yesterday.
Let's get her.
- Hey! Hey, you!
- Aww jeez.
Hey! Hey there! Hey, hey
let go of that, let go of that.
- Come on we're going!
- Hey! Where are you going?
We're going, say goodbye
to your friend, come on.
Okay, I had a really nice time.
Unbelievable, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.
That was so much
When did you get glasses?
- And your hair is different.
- Come on, hey, hey.
- Hey Tootsie roll, let's wrap it up.
- -Ok, I'll go.
She was with me!
Congratulations, everyone!
The famine's over!
Gerry! Gerry! Where ya been?
I've been looking all over for ya.
I fell asleep -Oh, Jesus.
- What's that on your face?
- Chapstick.
- Is it?
- Yeah.
Smells spicy.
Oh, God, Eva can't see that.
- Oh, god! Yeah.
- Smells like hot sauce.
- What are you doing? Gerry?
- Just stand still for two seconds.
Just shut up for two seconds.
What?
Oh, Simon had some
wings and I had a couple.
- Simon, is that true?
- Not true.
Eating at a famine?
Don't be too disappointed, Ms. MacPhee.
The good news is, Mr. Duncan,
though he failed at the famine,
will be more than happy
I'm sure to match the pledges
to a tune of 422 dollars.
- How did you raise four
- Congratulations everyone.
For those of you who did the famine,
a delicious breakfast awaits.
Eva, I went 32
hours without eating.
Gerry, you ate.
It's just so disappointing.
Tell me about Friday night.
How was it?
- It wasn't that great.
- Wasn't that great? Why?
It just, you know
didn't turn out the way I'd hoped.
- What happened?
- Lisa! There you are, with Gerry.
Oh, Gerrary, you missed a
Friday night with Ms. Lipa.
Drinking, dancing, kissing
No we, we didn't kiss
I not tell!
What stays in Lisa's night
happened there also.
- Kissing
- Oh! Gerry,
Just don't tell my
wife about drinking, dancing.
Kissing Want some?
In case you want to
make out with the janitor later?