Murder Drones (2021) s01e02 Episode Script

1
[Upbeat techno music plays]
[insects chirping]
[thunder rumbles]
[James] We've got to curb
her trips to the dump.
[Thunder crashes]
And where is she getting the hair
to play dress-up with them?
Creepy.
[Mysterious music plays]
[thunder rumbling]
[music continues]
[insects chirping]
[both yell]
- Oh! I-I'm so sorry--
- It's okay, I-I wasn't looking.
[Gasps]
- [wails]
- [scoffs] Move it, moro--
Hi, Tessa!
Oh, no.
Another one?
[Mechanical gears whirring]
[eerie music playing]
[thunder rumbles]
[electronic beeping]
[gasps]
[yells, grunts]
[Uzi, muffled]
N, I found something in here!
[Ominous music playing]
[blowing bubbles]
- That's weird and concerning.
- Bite me.
This is probably you weirdos' fault.
I've never seen that symbol before.
Wanna do an autopsy to find out?
What'd you find?
Did you know that was a pilot hat?
I was the pilot?!
That's aweso--
I-I crashed and ruined everything.
Spaceship pilot. Origin story.
[Hisses]
Speaking of piloting to Earth,
we sure "murder all humans" is, uh
"Morality?"
The humans sent you
without a communication relay
and reformatted your memories to soup.
Covering their tracks
means they're past negotiating.
Not like they tried negotiating
with my mom.
- Or you missed the negotiations.
- Whoa.
The humans programmed us
to solve a problem.
Where's proof of your backstory?
The one where your kind's
so conveniently innocent.
[Giggles]
J was getting orders from someone.
If not the company through that relay,
then, uh, who?
And how?
[Groans] Quit complicating my murder plan.
[Dramatic piano music playing]
[wind whooshing]
Yeah, just fix er up, 'cause-- whoops!
Pretty big security risk, in hindsight.
Eh, you got this, uh
"LadderBot 5000?"
[groans]
- Please just leave the light--
- [Switches clunking]
[sighs]
[tools clanging]
[wind whooshing]
[ominous music playing]
[metal clanks]
- [metal clanks]
- [gasps]
- [tools clank]
- [yelps]
[metal clanks softly]
[heartbeat pulsing]
[heartbeat continues]
[ominous music continues]
- [alarm blaring]
- [yells]
[steam hissing]
- [screams]
- [squelching]
[blade slicing]
[mellow music playing over speakers]
[teacher] Mr. Doorman.
Your daughter has been, uh
Absent.
Yes.
On that "kill all humans" kick,
like when I was younger.
Grounded herself and all that.
Speaking on her behavior--
Of course, of course.
Precocious, popular,
supernatural understanding of doors.
Takes after her old man.
Uzi, please sit normal.
- Bite me.
- Uzi. [groans]
Give Braidon back his sentience.
Bite me-- her.
I started it. And also, I'm dumb.
Uzi, you have to partner up.
Several people wanted to, for the record.
No, we didn't. You freak us out.
[Uzi] But mostly, bite me.
Yeah, she has trouble fitting in.
We think there might be something
damaged with her programming.
H-How is she at home?
Uh, sorry?
I mean, she's a little "herself,"
but "damaged?"
I maybe haven't spent much time, uh--
Mm. Mm-hmm.
Mr. Doorman, sir?
There's been an
Incident.
Ugh, I'm sweaty! Who programmed that?!
- You good, Uzi?
- I'm good.
Better than good. I am God!
[Laughing nervously]
Hi-- Hi, Thad.
Uh, thank you.
[Chuckles] Of course, Zi.
N-and-M's.
You saved my life.
I-I don't think the colony is even serious
about all this banishment stuff.
Uh, more just confused, especially with--
The fact I'm too rogue
to re-enter society now?
I can never return.
The recent disappearances?
And your murder-friend's corpse?
When I went to grab your gun,
it kind of looked like it
Crawled away?
We can return a little?
- [Lights humming]
- [water dripping]
[static crackles]
Yo, LadderBot 5000?
We looked everywhere for you.
[Glitched scream]
[distorted] Hello, Tim.
Care to join me?
Join you standing eerily still over there
in suspiciously low resolution?
Yes?
A'ight.
[Yells, gasps]
[screams]
[screaming frantically]
[distorted] Flawless character acting, me.
Improv game for more practice?
[Chuckles]
We are a monster.
- [Suspenseful music plays]
- [wind whooshing]
Welcome back, Thad.
Eh, wait.
- Isn't she grounded, or something?
- Ugh, banished!
Has my dad been saying I'm grounded?
Genocide robot?
[Ominous music plays]
Oh, all right. Just don't do it again.
Get in here, you goobs.
[Magnet thunks]
[ominous music plays]
Yeah, where's Khan? 'Cause this looks
[Groans] non-ideal.
Parent-teacher conference?
Something about his daughter
being more important
than building a door in this hallway.
- Ugh, kind of cringe.
- Ew, yeah--
[Gags] Oh, give me a minute.
Ah, yep, okay. Almost threw up.
- You good?
- I'm good.
Stop asking.
[Electronics beeping]
Any forensic things over there?
Do we have fingerprints?
[Static crackles]
[eerie music playing]
[rumbling]
I mean, you don't think
it's my parenting, do you?
I left her for dead once.
It sounds like she's bored in your class,
and the other kids suck.
Call her damaged again,
and I will install a door on your face!
Where are your folks?
[Eerie music playing]
[speaking Russian]
That was the joke, idiot.
[Knocking on door]
That girl is
[Sinister music swells]
Gorgeous, right?
I'm gonna let her in.
[Suspenseful music playing]
You guys
Do that often?
[Liquid dripping]
[laughs] No.
I'm very concerned, but, also
Pretty frightened, a little bit.
[Thad] Hey, Zi!
What's this thing?
Hey, isn't that your special eye?
Don't call it that.
[Suspenseful music playing]
"Absolute Solver?"
"Reboot?"
Does this have something to do
with how you grew your head back?
[Laughs nervously]
I actively avoid unpacking how that works.
New material can't be pulled
from thin air.
If the wound is severe enough,
this "Solver" might be
some sort of auto-run program
to collect more mat--
[Suspenseful music playing]
[metal clanking rhythmically]
[yells]
[grunts, screams]
[frantic music playing]
I want a frickin' ninja star!
[Both grunt]
Whoa!
[Screams]
[both groan]
- You good?
- Ugh, stop asking!
- Chainsaw-hand time?
- Yeah, cool-cool-cool.
[Dramatic music playing]
[screams]
[distorted] Yes, and, hello!
[Clearer voice] It's me, Ted!
Um, can I get a location?
I heard "dentist's office!"
I'm Thad at the dentist's office.
Come over here for your
Teeth.
Predictably terrible work, J.
Why do you look so--
Great! You look great, J.
No, no. Wait, guys.
It's really me!
[Voice distorting]
Is that a freakin' ninja star?
[Dramatic music playing]
[exclaims]
Whoa! Ugh!
[Exhales] Lifesavers again!
Thanks.
Super invited to my shindig next weekend.
Cool kids only.
- [Gasps, squeals]
- Ah!
[Solver] We're busy then, anyway.
So, whatever.
- So lame.
- What's with the voice, J?
[Solver] Oh, J's not here.
We are trying to repair that host
as per our directive.
So you are a program?
[Solver] More like,
you are our cute puppets.
It hurts our feelings
you don't remember us.
N?
What's with the mom hologram?
[Solver] Easier to assimilate
than explain.
Not happening.
[Solver] Fair, but poor choice.
Now we will have to do something shocking.
- [Grunting]
- Whoa. Hey!
- [Solver] Goodbye, Dad.
- Aagh!
What?
[Solver] Wait, what?
Uzi, shoot!
Or give it to me!
[Solver] Close one.
Snarl.
Uzi, you good?
No.
[Chuckles]
- [Solver] Pranked, idiot. You big stupid.
- [Uzi grunting]
Lucky for you, it's snack time.
Time to go into my mouth now.
[Lights crackle]
[chainsaws revving]
[alarm blaring]
[Solver] Ow. And please, don't.
And, also, I was using those.
[Rapid beeping]
[muffled explosion]
[high-pitched ringing]
[ringing fades]
[rubble clattering]
[hologram warbles]
[quiet muffled boom]
[breathing shakily] W-What was--
Which parts of that were real?
[Metal clanking]
[Solver] Sneaky, sneaky.
Sneaking away.
Get snuck-up on.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow. Ow, ow, ow.
[Muffled approaching shouting]
[melancholic music playing]
[gasps]
What are you things?
- [Panting]
- [indistinct chatter]
Uzi?
[Somber music playing]
What are you doing h-- [grunts]
[whimpers]
[somber music continues]
[mysterious music playing]
[bug chirps]
Gorgeous, right?
I'm gonna let her in.
Ah!
Jesus.
Sorry, industrial-strength-ghost,
or whatever.
Settle.
[Mysterious music continues]
[static crackles]
- [bug beeping]
- [static crackling]
[explosion]
[sighs] I hate your personality normally,
but this is somehow worse.
What am I being punished for?
[Theme song plays]