Petticoat Junction (1963) s01e02 Episode Script

1
Come ride the little train ♪
That is rollin' down the tracks to the Junction ♪
Forget about your cares ♪
It is time to relax at the Junction ♪
Lots of curves, you bet ♪
And even more when you get ♪
To the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
And that's Uncle Joe, he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
At the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction! ♪
All of the salesman are aboard, Charley.
And still no sign of Mr. Bedloe.
He's going to be a mighty surprised
railroad vice president when he wakes up
and finds out his train is gone.
Kate sure had a wonderful
idea to sneak out of here while
Floyd, are you burning railroad ties again?
Charley, I just burn the loose ones.
Besides, we need a quick fire.
You go tell your ma that if she can keep
Mr. Bedloe asleep just ten more minutes,
we're on our way to Pixley.
Will do.
You'll wake up Mr. Bedloe.
Everybody get on the train?
Yes, Mom.
But it'll be another ten or 15 minutes
before Charley and Floyd can
get up enough steam to pull out.
We've just got to see to it
that Mr. Bedloe doesn't wake up before they leave.
All aboard.
That crazy bird!
Phoebe, please you'll wake Mr. Bedloe.
Run and get her a piece of toast.
Oh! And hide Uncle Joe's Indian. He found it again.
The train leave? Not yet. Is he still asleep?
Yes, but Uncle Joe's fussing around.
He can't find his bathrobe.
I loaned it to Mr. Bedloe.
And you tell him that Mr. Bedloe
is sleeping in the bridal suite
and not to disturb him.
Mom
Oh, Billie Jo, you start getting things ready,
so the minute Mr. Bedloe wakes up
we can quick serve him breakfast in bed and keep him there.
But Charley and Floyd and
those salesmen ate up all the eggs.
Oh, no. Oh!
Betty Jo, go out and gather up some eggs, dear.
Bobbie Jo, you keep an eye on the upstairs. Okay, Mom.
And you start cooking up some ham, bacon and sausage
and try not to burn it.
Burn it, burn it.
You keep your big beak closed, except for eating.
Oh!
What do you mean Mr. Bedloe's sleeping in the bridal suite?
He ought to be sleeping in the barn.
And I want my bathrobe back.
Please, Uncle Joe, Mother says he's not to be disturbed.
We'll see about that.
Kate Shh, you'll wake him.
What's got into Kate?
City feller comes in here, shuts down the railroad,
fires everybody, ruins the hotel
and she gives him the best room in the place.
Kate!
Shh. You're gonna wake Mr. Bedloe.
Fat chance.
He's buried three feet deep
in the softest feather bed in the hotel.
Kate!
Uncle Joe, please You'll wake Mr. Bedloe.
Say, I want to ask you a question.
I've got to take these to the kitchen.
They're for his breakfast.
Eh, it's crazy, that's what it is.
Fella deserves to be horsewhipped,
she treats him like royalty.
Ka!
Shh. You'll wake Mr. Bedloe.
- Now, Kate, listen
- Quiet.
You'll wake Mr. Bedloe.
Well, at least you've got an
excuse to act like a birdbrain.
Put these flowers in a nice, pretty vase.
They're for Mr. Bedloe's breakfast tray.
You mean he's getting breakfast in bed?!
As soon as he wakes up.
I ain't a-hearin' right.
It can't be.
Didn't he set right here at this table last night
and say he was shutting down the railroad? Yes.
And won't that shut down the hotel?
Yes.
Well, then what in the name of blue thunder
Mom, Mr. Bedloe's awake.
He left his eggnog tray outside the door.
Oh! Eggnog tray?
Well, we served him hot eggnog last night about midnight.
To get him to sleep.
Now, you go help your sisters
get Mr. Bedloe's breakfast up to him.
I don't want him having to come down to eat.
Oh, okay.
Now, Uncle Joe, you sit down there
and I'll explain all this.
What is there to explain?
Mean city fella comes out here and wrecks our lives
So naturally we give him
the biggest, softest bed in the place.
Eggnog at midnight, breakfast carried to him
in the bridal suite like he was a groom.
And then you
Kate, you didn't?
What?
You didn't marry that viper, did ya?
Of course not.
Well, then what? We're ready, Mom.
Oh!
That's very nice.
Ham?
Remember, girls pretty smiles
and happy talk.
Go on.
Ain't you goin' up and move his jaws for him
so he won't have to chew?
Oh, Joe, I'm doing everything for a reason.
Now sit down and I'll explain.
I know, it looks like I'm being awful softhearted
Softheaded.
Before Mr. Bedloe can give orders
for shutting down the railroad,
he's got to get to Pixley.
The only way he can get to Pixley is on the train
and the train is here.
Now, if we It won't work, Kate.
I see what you're driving at,
but it won't work.
You can't keep the train here.
It's got to go into Pixley to take those
salesmen who spent the night here.
Well, Uncle Joe
Your second mistake was in thinking
you could change Bedloe's mind
by being nice to him.
Fella like that you've got to outsmart
outthink.
Uncle I got it. I got it.
We'll sneak everybody but him onto the train
and send it on into Pixley before he comes down.
Kate, you know, putting him in the softest bed
in the quietest room and taking his breakfast up to him
was one of the luckiest blunders you ever made.
It's playing right into my scheme.
Who's blowing that locomotive whistle?
My guess would be Charley.
He's the engineer.
He'll ruin all my plans.
The durn fool's pullin' out.
We won't have time to wake the salesmen.
Well, they're on the train, Uncle Joe.
How come?
I woke them up early.
Kate, this is your morning for lucky blunders.
Mom?
Mom, It worked.
We heard the train pull out.
And now Mr. Bedloe can't go into Pixley.
Your idea was brilliant, Mom.
I knew it would work.
Oh, well Wait a minute, girls.
In all fairness,
Uncle Joe had the same idea.
That's true, girls.
It's just that your mother got up first
and beat me to it.
Uncle Joe.
Morning, Mr. Bedloe.
All right, whose idea was it to run off with my train
and leave me stranded?
Mr. Bedloe, uh
Gentlemen are not permitted
in the dining room in their robes.
I am no gentleman, and this is not my robe.
Now, do I get an answer to my question?
All right, we'll let the government settle it.
Stealing trains happens to be a federal offense.
And everybody connected with this conspiracy
is in very serious trouble.
I hope this teaches you a lesson, Kate.
Next time you get one of your crazy ideas,
check it over with me first.
I could have told you this would never work.
Hey What?
Somebody's hid my Indian again.
You know, Charley, I feel kind of bad about us
running off and leaving Kate to face the music.
Well, if it was anybody else but Kate
I'd be mighty worried,
but that's one woman in a million.
She sure is.
I never met a woman yet to compare with Kate.
How come you never asked her to marry you, Floyd?
I don't think I'm good enough for her.
How about you?
I feel the same way.
You do?
I don't think you're good enough for her, either.
Aw We're comin' on into Pixley.
Think we better stop?
Well, if we turn around and go back to Shady Rest.
Bedloe will grab the train.
Oh, I don't think so.
By the time we get back there,
Kate will have him eating out of her hand.
Kate can kill a man with kindness, all right.
Well, if she doesn't kill 'em with kindness
them daughters of hers will pretty him to death.
It's lunchtime, Mr. Bedloe.
Come right into the dining room.
Everything's ready for you.
Yeah?
What's everything?
Poisoned food, booby traps, boiling oil?
What's waiting for me behind that curtain?
Your lunch, Mr. Bedloe.
Down, sit down.
Everything's piping hot.
If you're expecting me to change my mind
about canceling the train, forget it.
That's a good idea.
Uncle Joe, a sour face is not welcome in the dining room.
Then what'd you bring him in for?
You can either smile or stay in the kitchen.
I'll stay in the kitchen.
Please sit down.
Girls.
If this isn't a bribe, why all the attention?
As long as you're a guest in my hotel,
you're entitled to Shady Rest hospitality.
We do not bring our differences to the table.
All right, girls, start the food.
More coffee?
More pie, Mr. Bedloe?
More cake?
How about some more homemade ice cream?
This time try my hot fudge on a sundae
instead of strawberries and peaches.
Oh, please, no more.
I've never had such a meal in all my life.
Oh, go on.
I'll bet your wife cooks a better meal than this every day.
Ha!
Of course, some women don't care about cooking.
They're meant to just sit around and look beautiful.
Ha!
Now don't tell me your wife isn't beautiful.
She-She'd have to be,
to catch a successful, good-looking man like you.
Ha!
Oh, yes, let's
let's go into the lobby where you can relax
and listen to the entertainment.
Entertainment?
Just a little singing to settle the food.
Nothing like music after a meal.
What are you trying to do, jump the track
and get a song wrote about you like Casey Jones?
Well, I figure the faster we go through Shady Rest,
the less chance Bedloe's got of stopping us.
We're better than 20 miles out of Shady Rest.
Look at it this way, Charley,
the longer we take getting there,
the longer Kate and her girls is going to have
to work on Bedloe.
That's true.
I bet they're really melting him down.
Oh, I'd sure like to be in his shoes right now.
Floating like a zephyr ♪
On the soft summer air. ♪
Very nice.
Lovely voice.
All my daughters sing.
Girls, Mr. Bedloe being a railroad man,
maybe he'd like to hear a railroad song.
How about this one?
There's a train that runs through this wide valley ♪
That is loved by one and all ♪
It's the train that starts way up in Pixley ♪
Called the Hooterville Cannonball ♪
Well, she makes her run through the dead of winter ♪
Through the summer, spring and fall ♪
Neither cold nor heat nor flood can stop her ♪
She's the Hooterville Cannonball. ♪
Yes, Mr. Bedloe.
The folks in this valley depend on that train.
It hauls the farmers' crops to market.
It takes their children to school.
It brings their supplies from town.
And on Sunday, it makes a special trip
just to take folks to church.
When my three babies were born,
who came screaming through the night
to bring the doctor to my side?
The Hooterville Cannonball.
The train whistle
speaks a language we all understand.
To the children, it's a lullaby.
To the young folks, a song of love.
And to the old, a hymn of comfort.
Mr. Bedloe, the folks in this
valley haven't got much money,
but as long as that little train runs,
they'll never be poor.
That's the Hooterville Cannonball ♪
Mrs. Bradley, I came here in anger
and you repaid me with kindness.
Oh I gave you bad news, and you gave me
warm and friendly hospitality.
You and your lovely daughters
have taken the time and the trouble to explain
what the Hooterville Cannonball means to you
and your neighbors.
After all of that, could any man say
"Scrap that little train"?
Just one.
Me.
The minute it gets back from Pixley.
Oh.
Mr. Bedloe.
Have a chair.
Thanks. I will.
Don't do that.
We're getting close to Shady Rest,
and you'll tip off Bedloe we're coming.
I think he knows it already, Floyd take a look.
It's Bedloe.
Right smack dab in the middle of the track.
Think we oughta stop?
Of course we're gonna stop, you smokehead.
That's one of Kate's best chairs.
Mr. Bedloe, listen to me.
I got something to tell you. Please.
Wait a minute.
Floyd and Charley say they
can't back all the way to Pixley.
It'll be dangerous.
They gotta go on to Hooterville.
Fine. I can cancel the train just as well from there.
Oh.
Mr. Bedloe, why are you so dead set
on not letting this train run?
It's bad business. It doesn't make any money.
But it doesn't lose any.
Floyd and Charley are on pensions anyway,
and they get their wood and water free.
Mrs. Bradley, this train is the legal property
of the C. & F.W. Railroad, and we are legally responsible
for everything that happens to it.
If it runs off the track, if it hurts somebody,
if it hits a cow, we're responsible.
We can be sued.
Well, Floyd and Charley have hit lots of things.
Nobody's ever sued.
But they could. No, I'm sorry, Mrs. Bradley,
but running this branch line just plain doesn't make sense.
Doesn't it make sense to help folks when they need it?
Bring the doctor when you're sick?
Take little children to school?
Forget it. It won't work.
Now, go up there and tell those
two clowns in the locomotive,
they got 60 seconds to get this thing rolling
or I'll cut off their pensions.
Guess you win, Mr. Bedloe.
I always do, Mrs. Bradley.
You know, Kate, this is the first time
you ever rode up here.
And the last.
Why did you say that?
I thought you had a scheme to keep this old train running.
Well, I have. That's why I'm going into Hooterville,
but it's scary riding up here going so fast.
Th-Those things there ever blow up?
This one never has.
Just might today, though.
Why?
You're squeezing that pipe so hard
you're shutting off our water.
Oh Oof!
Can't you go a little faster, Charley?
Hey! I suppose you think that was pretty smart,
my sitting in that coach while
the engine went to Hooterville.
No, I thought it was kinda stupid, myself.
I oughta knock you over that railing.
You shouldn't have said that, Bedloe.
Oh?!
Why not?!
'Cause it scared me.
Hey!
Wait a second.
Sit down.
Okay.
That stupid train the only way to get to Hooterville?
No.
There's another way?
That's right.
You mean somebody can take me?
Yeah.
I can take you.
Now Now, listen, old-timer.
I didn't mean to yell at you.
I know you're not in this with these other people.
I can see you're an intelligent man.
You can?
Mmm. Now, I'm willing to pay you.
No, I-I didn't ask for any money.
I know you didn't. I'm-I'm forcing it on you.
Come on. Let's get going.
Hey. What is this?
I thought you were gonna take me to Hooterville.
I am. We'll never get there before tomorrow,
if you don't walk faster.
Walk?!
It's the only way you'll get there, outside the train.
Well, why didn't you tell me?
You didn't ask me.
Let me have my money back.
Indian giver.
Hiya, boys.
Hi, Sam.
Kate.
Oh. Listen Sam, I need your help.
If we don't do something,
Charley and Floyd are gonna lose their train.
Well, I hate to tell you this,
but they've already lost part of it.
Oh, I don't mean that.
Boys, you go on down and turn around
and pick us up on the way back.
Hurry up, boys!
All right, Kate.
Sam, are you still a deputy sheriff?
I never was a deputy sheriff.
I was marshal at the Fourth of July parade once.
That's close enough. Come on.
Well, what's this all about, Kate?
Come on. I'll explain.
Don't worry, girls.
I'll handle Bedloe.
You know, fighting the railroad's a man's job.
Hey, everybody!
Mr. Bedloe got away. He's on his way to Hooterville.
What?! Oh, no.
He found that old handcar and got it on the track.
Get outta here!
Hey! Whoa!
Stop the train.
Whoa!
Whoa!
Put him on the sofa, boys.
Is he hurt?
No, he's just all pumped out.
He'll be all right, soon as he gets his wind back.
We run him for five miles.
Are you gonna be all right, Mr. Bedloe?
I guess so.
Who are you?!
My name's Drucker.
Hey!
Marshal Drucker, from Hooterville.
Marshal Drucker?
He's a lawman.
Thought you ran a general store.
Yeah, I do that, too. Also publish the newspaper.
Yeah, plus being the postmaster.
And he's the mayor Never mind all that.
Oh! If you're a marshal, arrest every one of these people.
What's the charge?
Stealing a train.
You mean Charley and Floyd's train?
That's my train!
Oh!
I'm the official representative
of the C. & F. W. Railroads.
Marshal Drucker, do your duty.
Yeah. Be quick about it.
All right.
Mr. Bedloe, I hereby serve you
with these 27 summonses, complaints, subpoenas
and overdue bills.
What for?!
For the damages caused by
your train during the past 20 years,
and for supplies furnished and services rendered thereto
by the citizens of this valley
as named in the complaints, etc. In your hands.
Why that's ridiculous.
Totals up to about $150,000.
Now, I wouldn't call that ridiculous.
Baloney! What judge would honor that?
Judge Drucker.
You?! Yeah.
I'll demand a jury trial.
Well, I don't think you could find 12 men around here
that ain't in that bunch of complainers.
Judge Drucker, isn't there some way
that this thing can be settled out of court?
Whadda ya mean, "out of court"?
I got him right where I want him.
Uncle Joe, please!
Well, now, I'll tell you
Kate, if Mr. Bedloe was to go quietly back to the city
and let Floyd and Charley resume running their railroad,
I might be inclined to show a little judicial leniency
and postpone these cases indefinitely.
Oh, don't do it.
Let's have a big trial.
Lots of people, be good for business.
Shh.
Well, Mr. Bedloe, what do you say?
What can I say?
You've got me over a barrel.
Well, come on, I'll back you into Hooterville.
It won't be as fast as that
handcar, but a heap less tiring.
Look, Kate, you've pulled some beauties today.
But letting him go is the biggest blunder of all.
Oh, you think so?
Well, he admitted himself we had him over a barrel.
Well, I'm sorry.
I don't blame you, Kate,
but from now on, leave these things up to me.
You know, fighting a railroad's a man's job.
I'll remember, Uncle Joe.
This has been a Filmways presentation.