The Andy Griffith Show (1960) s01e02 Episode Script

( whistling sprightly tune)
Starring Andy Griffith
with Ronny Howard.
Also starring Don Knotts.
Paw, what kind of bait
are you putting on my line?
Why, that's fish-catching bait.
That's the idea, you
know, to catch fish.
That looks more like a
piece of ham from our lunch.
Is that right?
Well, now, that's probably
'cause it's a piece of
ham from our lunch.
Paw, you're s'posed
to use fish bait.
Well, now, son,
all them fish ever see
down there all day long
is other fish
and they get
mighty sick of it, too.
N-Now, don't it
just stand to reason
that they might just perk up
at the sight of a piece of meat?
Aw, but, Paw, who
Paw, I got one!
I got a bite!
All right. Now,
just simmer down.
Now, just take it easy.
Reel her in
nice and easy.
Come on, that's a boy.
Hey, you got a nice one.
You were right, Paw.
He sure went for the ham.
He sure did.
Look at that.
He's he's still
smackin' his lips.
Golly, Paw, you know just
about everything, don't you?
Oh, I don't expect
I know everything.
I mean it, Paw.
You not only know
everything, but you're the sheriff
you're the Justice of the Peace.
You're just about the
most important man
in Mayberry, in the state.
Why, I bet you're the
most important man
in the whole world.
Oh, well, now, it could be
a few folks you might have
to put on the list ahead of me,
like, like the president
and the Queen o' England.
I bet that queen don't know
about putting ham on a fishhook.
Well, now, let's be
fair about that thing.
See, we don't know that
ham would work over there.
See, we don't know what kind
of fish they got in them moats.
Uh-oh.
What's the matter, Paw?
Gertrude sprung another leak.
I thought I'd caulked
her up good enough,
but I declare, it seems like
as fast as I fix one
seam, two more open up.
Paw, can't we please
fish a little longer?
Well, we can if you've
got a mind to swim back.
We come very
near to not making it.
I'll say one thing for her.
Once she lets water leak in,
she don't let it leak
back out again very easy.
Can I help you, Paw?
Well, yeah, you can
help me store her up
over underneath
these bushes here.
We don't want some stranger
coming along and
taking a ride in her.
He'd have a mighty damp trip
before he went more
than a few yards.
Sheriff!
Sheriff!
Sheriff
you'll never guess
what's happened.
Something big.
Well, what is it?
The biggest thing ever
happened in Mayberry.
Real big, big, big, big.
Well, now, just
simmer down, Barney.
What is it?
Well, I'm trying to tell you.
Well, so far, all I know
is it's something big.
Oh, "big" ain't the word for it.
For something it
ain't the word for,
you sure are using it a lot.
Now what is it?
Well, I just got it on the radio
direct from the state
police, special for us.
Yeah, w-w-well, what is it?
Something big.
Barney
I'm sorry, but this is so big.
I mean, well, it's
this feller, see.
He he escaped
from the state prison
A dangerous criminal
And they got reason to
believe he's on his way here.
So they want to
set up a roadblock.
They're gonna have a real
full-scale manhunt, a dragnet.
What do you think about that?
Only one word I can think of
Big.
Well, you took the word
right out of my mouth.
I told them they could expect
a hundred percent cooperation
from the local
authorities, meaning us.
Okay, sheriff?
You done fine, Barney.
I never did think
my own cousin could
make such a fine deputy.
Ha! Well, uh oh, my
gosh, I forgot to sign off.
Uh uh, Mayberry
unit number one
uh, over and, uh, and Roger
Roger and out,
out and under
Out 10 10-40.
40 I
Uh, bye.
All right, everybody
off the street.
Everybody off the street.
There's going to be trouble.
Barney
Everybody Barney.
There ain't no cause
to alarm the citizens.
Now, now, Opie, you run on
home put on some dry clothes
and how about cleaning
them fish, all right?
Okay, Paw.
You'll catch that
old criminal easy,
won't you, Paw?
Well, I hope so.
You'll see, you two.
This is gonna be big.
Real big.
'Bout time you
got here, Sheriff.
Pret' near 12:00.
Yeah. Your 24 hours is about up.
You can go on home now, Otis.
Andy, you can't let Otis go.
Well, I have to;
his sentence is up.
But he's the only
prisoner we got.
Well?
Well, what are the
state police going to think
when they get here and
find we got an empty jail?
They're going to think
this is just a hick town
where nothing ever happens.
Well, now, you got to admit
that's, that's
about the size of it.
OTIS: See you later, Andy.
I'll see you, Otis
and try not to drink at all.
Otis, Otis, wait just
a second, will you?
Uh, listen, Otis, uh, you
got civic spirit, ain't you?
Well, how about just
staying one more night
and kind of let the jail
put its best foot forward?
Sorry. Tonight's choir practice.
Darn!
Oh, now, simmer down, Barney.
We'll be filling
up that cell space
as soon as we capture
that escaped criminal.
Yeah. Yeah, that's right.
We will, won't we?
Yeah.
I better check my arms.
I'm going to get that
What's the matter?
I can't find my bullet.
Oh. Well, here, fill her up.
Fill her up?
You can't tell but what
this might call
for some shooting.
Yeah, that's right.
( sirens approaching)
Ooh wee! Lookit yonder.
Must be a mighty
important criminal.
Looks like they sent
a whole regiment.
Captain Barker, state police.
Howdy. Welcome to May
Howdy.
How do uh
Well well, we're, uh, glad
glad to have you.
( muttering softly)
That's right, Operator.
I want this line kept
open to the state capital.
Captain Barker, state police.
That's who says so.
Uh, uh
Uh, Sarah?
Me.
Yeah. It's all right.
Any sheriff business comes up,
why, you can call my home phone.
All right.
Oh, she's fine.
Uh, Captain, I'm
I'm Sheriff Taylor.
Good. Good.
If there's anything
that we can do
Walters, the map.
Well, now, that's a nice,
shiny new map there,
but it ain't much different
than the one we
had up there before.
Men, this is where
we are Mayberry.
Yeah, that's her, all right.
Walters, markers.
Well, now, that's a
dandy little item there.
Look at that.
Little button that just
sticks there and don't fall off.
( Andy mutters cheerfully)
We're still using pins.
There ain't too many
of them left either.
The woman's club, they
put on a Halloween play
and they used this
for the dressing room.
They durn near
used every pin we had
hemming up costumes.
Oh, I'm sorry.
We interrupted your little talk.
You go right ahead.
Thank you.
Now, we'll have
blockades here
Here
here
and here.
On each blockade, I
want a full complement
around the clock
and fully armed.
Tommy guns, tear gas, flares
loudspeakers, spotlights.
Any questions? Now
Yeah, I got one
little bitty one.
You?
Uh, yes, sir.
You're guarding
all the main roads.
Something wrong with that?
Well, no, not if you
expecting that criminal
to come through here on the bus.
But you got to give
some thought to the idea
that he might get
sneaky about that thing
Come down one of the side roads.
We got we got one
road down there by the lake
that ain't even marked.
Thank you for that
valuable suggestion.
Oh, you're welcome.
And if there's anything
that we can do to help,
why, we're at your disposal,
me and my deputy here.
Oh, this is, this
is Deputy Fife.
Well, fellas,
you might just as
well call me Barney.
We're all in this
manhunt together.
Walters, pass
out those pictures.
That's Derekson,
the man we're after.
You memorize that face well.
Learn every line of it.
That's a nice snapshot of him.
Hi, Paw.
Did you catch the criminal yet?
Oh, hi, Opie. No, not yet,
but the captain and me,
we're talking over plans.
You don't have to worry, sir.
My paw will catch him for sure.
Now, Opie, the state patrolmen,
they're going to do their
part in this, too, you know.
That's my boy Opie.
He's just a little
bit prejudiced.
Oh, and th-this is my Aunt Bee.
How do, captain? It's
mighty nice to see you.
Now, Andy, before
you go traipsing around
the country on any manhunt,
you come along home
and have dinner first.
Oh, well, now this is kind
of important, Aunt Bee.
I'm liable to have to
eat a little bit later on.
Andy, do you realize I
have a roast in the oven?
And it's sitting there drying up
unless you come home and eat it.
Now, Aunt bee, you're
interrupting official business.
Andy, you know how you
are when you miss a meal.
He's meaner than a bear
backed into a beehive.
I don't envy you men
working under him.
Aunt Bee, nobody's
working under anybody.
But, Paw, you're the sheriff.
He's only a captain.
Yeah, well, this is
kind of a joint operation,
you might say
State and county
w-working as a team.
Gentlemen, shall
we get on with it?
Why don't you just stay here
and handle your local affairs?
We'll set up the roadblocks.
Let's go, men.
Andy, they're leaving
us plumb out of it.
Yeah, it looks like it.
Don't they know how
important you are?
Yeah, well, they're
probably saving us
for a special assignment,
like when the big
showdown comes.
Yeah. Yeah, of
course. That's it.
Well, we'll be ready for them.
( gunshot)
PARKER: RB-One to RB-Two.
RB-One to RB-Two,
come in, please.
MAN: RB-Two.
PARKER: Any action?
MAN: Nothing here, sir.
Traffic's been
light the past hour.
Picking up a little now.
PARKER: Okay, keep
your eyes open. 10-4.
MAN: 10-4.
Doggone it, Andy.
It's bad enough us just
settin' here helpless.
We can't even get
into the conversation.
Yeah.
Maybe we better
not just set here.
Inside, we can
at least look busy.
How come you're not to
be out on the roadblock?
That's right.
If a criminal's headed
toward Mayberry,
the sheriff of Mayberry
certainly ought to be there
to stop him.
Yeah. Well, that's, uh, that's
state business, you might say,
and I still got a duty to
keep order here in town.
You don't have to
tell my paw anything.
He knows what he's doing.
Come on, Opie.
Now, Opie, you
know I make it a point
never to discuss
official business
with the public.
Now you understand
that, don't you?
But, Paw, you know
what they're saying?
They're saying you're
not important enough
to be in on a manhunt.
Can I just tell
Ralphie and Tommy
that they're saving you
for the big showdown?
Now, police business has
got to be kept confidential.
Yeah.
But wait till you catch
that old criminal
Barehanded maybe.
Then I'll tell 'em.
Now, dog, Barney, I
got to do something.
A law officer just
can't sit around
and let hisself become
a laughingstock.
Here.
Put them bullets
back in your gun.
Now, listen, you keep
them 20/20 eyes of yours
glued on this road
and don't let anything pass
without your checking it.
You can trust me, Sheriff.
You're talking to reliable
Barney Fife, you know.
All right.
If you need me,
fire three shots.
Right. Okay.
Oh, uh, 10-4.
Oh, howdy, Cal.
Hi, Barney. What's up?
Roadblock. Ain't you heard?
There's an escaped
criminal on the loose.
Yeah, I heard about
it. I hope you catch him!
Halt!
Get out, Cal.
What fer?
I got to frisk you.
I got to frisk everybody.
Well, I ain't the criminal.
Well, you could be.
You could be the
criminal disguised as you.
Us lawmen can't take chances.
Well, I never heard of such a
Now face your truck
and lean against it.
All right, I
guess that'll do it.
Be sure and say hello to
the little woman, Mayor.
I'm sorry about this,
but us lawmen
can't take chances.
But, Barney, I'm your mother.
Oh, well, at last.
Somebody
I don't know
It's you!
Here let me help you.
( stammering)
I-I'm gonna arrest
10-4
Barney!
Barney, what?
What in the world happened?
He was here, Andy.
Derekson?
Yeah. He got the drop on me.
You mean he had a gun?
Uh well, he
He has now.
I better report this.
Mayberry to headquarters.
That's Paw.
Mayberry to headquarters.
Come in, please.
This is headquarters,
Mayberry. Go ahead.
Deputy Barney Fife made
contact with the escapee.
He has?
Yeah.
Only trouble is, he-he
kind of got un-contacted.
What?
Well, he got away
is what he done.
What are you people up to?
I told you we'd handle this.
Well, we just thought
it might be helpful
if somebody watched the
old road down by the lake.
It nearly worked, too.
But I reckon
that's the way it is
in the manhunt game
Sometimes you bag
'em, sometimes you don't.
Now, I, I got a idea.
Sheriff, we're
trying to apprehend
a dangerous criminal.
Please don't hinder us
with your bumbling ideas.
10-4.
But, Captain hel hel
10-4.
I'm dogged if it don't
make a fella feel right bad
to get ten-foured right
in the middle of an idea.
I'd be glad to listen
to your idea, Sheriff.
Why, thank you, Deputy.
Well, now, my idea is this
If I was a criminal
and I was heading
through them woods
I'd stop off at Emma
Brand's house.
You would?
For sure.
Now, you know that there
ain't a day that goes by
that Emma don't
make a batch of pies
and put them out in
the window to cool.
Well, you know, it's pretty
hard on the average fella
to pass by without sniffing
and hungering
for a slice of pie.
Now, you can, you
can just imagine
what that's going to do
to a starving escapee.
Yeah.
Yeah. Well, let's
go on over there.
Yeah, let's go.
Howdy, Emma. You all right?
Howdy, Sheriff. I'm fine.
We just stopped by to warn you
to keep your doors bolted.
Thank you, Sheriff.
Thank you. I will.
Wait a minute, Emma.
I didn't tell you why.
Oh. Tha-that's right.
Well, you know
this escaped convict
that's on the loose?
Well, we're still
looking for him
so you be extra
careful now, you hear?
Uh, Emma
How's your sciatica?
O-oh, it's fine. Just fine.
Good-bye, Sheriff.
She's the sweetest
thing, ain't she?
Uh
Barney, there's something
curious going on in there.
Did did you ever know
Emma Brand's sciatica
to be just fine?
Or anything else about
her for that matter?
No, sirree. Sh-she is
trying to get rid of us
and I believe I know
who put her up to it.
You m you mean
you think he's in there?
Yeah.
Well, what are we going to do?
Well, I got an idea.
( knocking)
You know, Sheriff,
I told you there was
nobody here, an-and
yeah, I-I-I-I know it, Emma.
I know that.
I-I just wanted to
tell you one thing
just in case you
was to see that fella.
Now, don't say a
word about my boat
being hid down there by the lake
underneath that
clump of bushes
You know that clump of bushes
that's over there near your dock?
If that fella was
to find that boat
he could row clear
across to Sandy Point
and get away as
slick as a whistle.
Not a word about that
now. You promise?
I promise.
You know something, lady?
You got a mighty
obliging sheriff in this town.
Real helpful.
( chuckles)
( forced laugh)
Mayberry patrol to
Captain, come in, please.
Mayberry patrol to
Captain, come in, please!
Now, Captain, you
might as well say hello
'cause I'm going to
keep calling till you do.
Captain Barker to Mayberry.
What is it, Sheriff?
Oh, hello, Captain.
I just thought you
might like to know where
you can pick up your criminal.
What?!
I tell you what, you
meet me down by the lake
near the old Crystal Creek Road
and I believe we can
wind this whole thing up.
You mean you've
got him cornered?
Well, let's just say we've made
the necessary arrangements.
Now, you'll be
right along, will you?
Where is this
Crystal Creek Road?
How do I get there?
Well, you go by the
old summer place
Oh, that's right.
You don't know how to
get there either, do you?
I tell you what, tell you what.
You go by my house
and pick up my boy Opie
Now, anybody can tell
you how to get there
And-and he'll show you the way.
There's time for that?
Oh, don't worry about that.
10-4.
But, Sheriff!
I'm sorry. I already
ten-foured you.
Kind of a good
feeling gettin' it in first
for a change.
There he is.
Did you catch him, Paw?
Well, as good as.
Well, where is he?
Right out there's
your man, Captain.
Walters, binoculars.
You fool! You let him get away.
Why didn't you shoot?
Well, in the first
place, if I'd have shot
why, I might have hit him,
and I figured you'd
rather have him alive.
In the second place,
he might have shot back
and I'd rather have me alive.
You think you can get
him with a telescopic sight?
Yeah, I can try, sir.
Well, there ain't
any real need in that.
What?!
Well, that's a
pretty far range out there.
Besides that, why he'll
come back peaceful enough.
Taylor, I don't know how you
got to be a sheriff in this state,
but when this is over, I'm
gonna see that you're thrown out.
There's no place for
such incompetence
in a peace officer.
OPIE: That's our
boat, ain't it, Paw?
You let him take it on
purpose, didn't you?
I sure did, son.
Look!
PARKER: It's sinking.
ANDY: Yes, sir, it sure is.
That's 'cause it
leaks, and Paw knew it
all the time.
Cap'n, if you'll take your men
down this little road
down there at the shore,
I imagine he'll
swim right to you.
All right, let's go, men.
You know, this morning
when we was fishing,
I sure didn't enjoy
having a hole in that boat.
I tell you the truth, right now
I wouldn't take a dollar
and a quarter for it.
You proud of your paw?
Yeah.
You said he
Sheriff Taylor, I want to say
it's been a pleasure
working with you.
Oh, it's my pleasure.
My paw's the best
sheriff in the whole state.
Wouldn't be surprised, son.
When I get back
to the state capital,
I'm going to see that they
send you a citation for this.
Oh, that won't be necessary.
Of course, of course,
if you could see your way clear
to sending me one of them
maps with the sticky buttons on it
I'd appreciate it.
You've got it, Sheriff.
Fine. Thanks again.
Yes, sir.
Well, you ain't so tough
now, are you, wise guy?
From now on,
you'd just better stay
as far away from
Mayberry as you can get
if you know what's good for you.
Ain't gonna get the
drop on me again.
Ahh!
( Barney groans)
Easy, easy.
No, easy!
My fingers are bent.
My fingers are bent.
10-4.10-4.