The Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show (1983) s01e02 Episode Script

As soon as this ground is spaded,
I'm going to organize my garden.
I'm going to plant potatoes,
beans, and radishes, and peas.
Why are you telling me all this?
Oh, you want me to spade your garden?
I'm not used to physical labor.
Then you should get used to it.
It'll be good for you.
Does this thing have a fast forward?
I need a push.
I think I hate gardening.
I'm exhausted.
I can't move.
I'll never be a farm worker.
I can't even get up.
Just dump me by the side of the road.
I need someone to help
me spade my garden.
There goes the world-famous
hired hand going to work.
I should warn you.
I can't pay very much.
Okay, hired hand.
Here's what I want you to do.
I need this whole yard spaded
so I can plant my garden.
Are you sure you've done
this kind of work before?
No way!
I always wondered what happened
to old, worn-out, hired hands.
What are you guys doing?
We're helping Lucy plant her garden.
First, we spaded it.
Now, we're planting it.
Actually, we just do what we're told.
Well, it looks very nice.
What are you planting?
French fries.
Come on, Rerun.
I'm gonna take you for a little walk.
It's about time you got a
look at the outside world.
Well, what do you think?
You mean this is it?
Things aren't the way
I expected them to be.
When I was first born,
everyone came around me.
But now I never see anyone.
People seem to laugh a lot
more in those days, too.
I'm only a year old, and
already I'm living in the past.
Is that your brother, Rerun, riding
on the back of your mother's bicycle?
Uh-huh.
She takes him wherever she goes.
She says riding a bike
is such good exercise
that she's already lost three pounds.
Because I'm so scared,
I lost five pounds.
There's that one big hole in the road.
See?
Every morning, Mom pedals
her bike the same way.
And it's amazing how she
always never misses it.
This is the part of
the ride that I hate.
Every day, this big,
stupid german shepherd
comes running out
and chases our bicycle.
He doesn't quit until I
throw my shoe at him.
I'm running out of shoes.
Look out for that tree!
Look out for that truck!
Look out for that fence!
Oh, no!
I hate looking at the
road through my fingers!
There's your mother with Rerun
on the back of her bike again.
I'm surprised he doesn't get bored.
Well, I suppose he finds different
ways to pass the time.
Eighty-nine bottles
of beer on the wall!
Eighty-nine bottles of beer!
Well, riding around all day on
the back of your mom's bicycle,
gives you plenty of time to think.
It gives you time to think
about people, and about life,
and about what would
happen if you run into a tree.
I just know it's gonna happen again.
We leave the grocery store,
and I do the best that I can.
But there's this bad spot
in the road up ahead,
and she just never slows down.
Oops! I was right.
It happened again.
So who wants to ride
a bicycle in the rain?
Take your vitamin C, she says.
Nothing can harm you if
you take your vitamin C.
I have news for her,
and everybody else.
Vitamin C does not keep
you from getting wet.
Here we go again, out of the
garage, and full speed ahead.
Today it's the Welfare League,
and it's church breakfast.
Today it's the League of Women Voters,
followed by a visit to the library.
From there we go to the hairdresser,
then the supermarket,
then the rousing meeting of the PTA.
Considering I don't do anything,
I lead a very active life.
It's been a good day for bike riding.
We haven't hit a single parked car.
We may even make
it home in one piece.
The only thing that worries me is
when she parks next to the hedge.
And forgets to put
the kickstand down.
I like the way your
mother handles that bike.
See how she went through the hedge
instead of into the brick wall?
Yes.
I must admit that her steering
is getting a little better.
Yesterday, we only
hit four parked cars.
Mom is getting better about
those holes in the road.
But she still hasn't learned
to avoid those low branches.
Here we go again.
Over the curb and
out into the street.
On the valley of death,
ride the 600.
Cannoning to the right of them.
Cannoning to the left of them.
Into the jaws of death,
ride the 600.
And through the yellow light.
Through trailers.
And home again in one piece.
I think.
Did anybody get the license
number of that truck?
You know what makes me sick?
Seeing you drag that
stupid blanket around.
I hate that blanket.
If our blanket-hating
Grandma were here,
you wouldn't be so smug.
She thinks letting kids have
a security blanket is stupid.
That gives me an idea.
I think I'll call Grandma right now.
Hello? Grandma?
Could you come over and see us?
I miss you.
This afternoon? Fine.
I can hardly wait till you get here.
You invited our blanket-hating
Grandmother over here?
Oh, what a vile scheme.
My blanket-hating Grandma
is coming to visit us today.
She'll want to take away my blankets.
She's against kids carrying blankets.
She knows all my tricks.
She knows all my hiding places.
I can't keep fooling her forever.
I just can't keep
I've got it!
What did you do?
I mailed my blanket to myself
in a self-addressed envelope.
It'll come back tomorrow
after Grandma has gone.
If it doesn't get lost in the mail
Don't say that!
What do you mean
there's no mail for me?
I sent my blanket out in a
self-addressed envelope.
I mailed it to myself.
It has to be here!
Do you see it?
Look, is it there?
No, it isn't.
My poor blanket.
Lost in the mail.
It's probably in some
far away country.
Lying at the bottom of a mail sack.
Suffocating to death.
No mail!
My blanket didn't come again?
If that blanket of mine is lost in
the mail, it's your fault, you know.
They'll have to haul me
away kicking and screaming.
I can't live without that blanket.
You know that!
I'm going to write a letter
to the Postmaster General.
Dear General!
Linus! Your blanket came back!
Hurry up! It's here!
It came back!
Where? Where?
Where's my blanket?
I knew it would come back!
Where is it?
Where? Where?
Where is it?
April Fool!
Argh!
Hey, Linus! Come here!
Hurry! Quick!
I don't think your blanket was
ever really lost in the mail at all.
I think it was just delivered
to the wrong address.
Argh!
I might have known, you stupid dog.
Do you mean to tell me
that my blanket was delivered
to your house by mistake,
and you and you weren't
going to let me know about it?
I demand that you
return it immediately.
Come back here with that
blanket, you crazy dog!
Golly, have you ever seen so many
snakes and lizards in all your life?
No, and spiders too!
Spiders too?
Yeah, snakes and lizards and spiders.
And they're all headed
this way, you say?
Yeah, there's a whole flock
of them, all headed this way,
creeping and crawling,
snakes and lizards and
Someday you're going to
have to give up that blanket.
Someday you're going to have
to stand on your own two feet.
Someday you're going
to have to grow up
and face life without
any help from anyone.
Someday.
Have you seen our baseball
schedule for this year, Chuck?
My team plays your team 12 times.
We slaughter you twice in April,
smash you three times in May,
and ruin you once in June.
We murder you twice in July,
annihilate you three times in August,
and pound you once in September.
It's a great schedule, huh, Chuck?
Beautiful.
This year we're going to
stress proper conditioning.
I want each player to do
20 push-ups every day.
How about one push-up every 20 days?
What a crabby manager.
Hey manager,
I can't do 20 push-ups.
Well, maybe you should just
start with 15, or maybe 10.
Let me demonstrate.
Push-ups can be very difficult
if you're out of shape.
Sometimes it's best
to start with just one.
It's getting dark.
I guess that's enough
practice for today.
You think I don't care about our
team, don't you, Charlie Brown?
Well, just to show you that I do,
I figured out a way for
us to play night games.
Go ahead.
Go out on the pitcher's mound and see.
There's another good thing about
playing night games, Charlie Brown.
Say you're pitching a lousy game, see,
and we want to get you out of there.
Well, all we have to do is come out to
the mound and blow out your candle.
Poof!
I think we better stick to day games.
I was watching this ball
game on TV last year.
One of the players got
real mad at the umpire
and kicked dirt on him, like this.
You can learn a lot watching
those games on TV.
Now look here.
I don't think you're even trying.
Come back here.
You can't quit the team before
the season even starts.
I shouldn't have accused
him of not trying.
Beagle shortstops are so sensitive.
What'll we do?
Snoopy's quit the team.
All I did was ball
him out a little bit.
That's the trouble
with that stupid dog.
He's always changing rainbows.
Changing rainbows?
Please come back to the team, Snoopy.
If you'll come back, I'll do anything.
I'll raise your food allowance.
You can play any position you want to.
Why, you can even be manager.
Now what have I done?
I've appointed Snoopy
manager of our team.
Manager?
That stupid Beagle is going
to be our new manager?
Nothing doing. I'll
Baseball managers don't
stand for any back talk.
This new manager is going
to be rough to play for.
Kind of nice not being manager.
On the night before our games,
I always used to lie awake worrying.
I wonder if our new manager
is lying awake worrying.
Here we go, the first
pitch of the season.
Good grief, a home run.
Uh-oh, our new manager is giving
me the signal to steal second.
You're out!
Well, we lost our first
game of the season.
I wonder how our new
manager will take this defeat.
He hates losing.
When a team loses a game, is it the
fault of the players or the manager?
Well, I don't know.
It's kind of hard to say and I
Well, I'm not afraid to say.
When a team loses a game,
I think it's the fault of the manager.
Actually, running a ball
club is a very hard job.
If you want, I'll be glad to
take over as manager again.
A kiss on the nose
and he's off the hook.
Okay, Lucy, I'm manager again.
Now we need a run and
here's what I want you to do.
If you get on first, watch for
my signal to steal second.
I'll tug my ear like this.
Now if you get the second
and I want you to steal again,
I'll clap my hands like this.
If you get the third and
I want you to stay there,
I'll tug my other ear like this.
But if I want you to
try and steal home,
I'll rub the front of
my shirt like this.
Strike one.
Strike two.
Strike three.
That was easier than trying
to remember all those signals.
Throw it by him, Pitcher.
He can't hit it.
Hey, Pitcher. Are you all right?
You better start taking
better care of yourself.
You don't look so good.
Your face is strange.
Actually, you look like
you have ten noses.
A lot of athletes just don't
take good care of themselves.
I can't stand it.