The Curse (2022) s01e02 Episode Script
Act Normal
1
Standard!
Standard!
Come and get your Standard!
Standard, sir?
Standard!
Biggest gold heist of the century!
Oh, thank you very much, sir.
Standard!
Come and get your Standard!
Biggest gold heist of the century!
"The Metropolitan Police
are this morning investigating
"what is believed to be
one of the biggest armed robberies
of all time."
"They are searching for a blue van
which was seen in the area
at the time
"and is believed to be connected"
"Police say there's no real evidence
to go on.
"The robbery was not captured
on camera
"and is believed to have been
meticulously planned
by a professional gang."
"believed to be one of
the biggest armed robberies"
"among items stolen from
the east London storage facility"
REPORTER SPEAKS SPANISH
..a professional job,
and we suspect ex-military.
..reported to be 7,000 gold bars.
"The robbery has been described"
'It was surreal.
'Like watching ourselves in a movie.
'The whole world talking about us,
'painting pictures
of dangerous criminals
specialising in armed robbery.'
"We will very much be ensuring
that these criminals
are brought to justice."
"We will bring the full force of the
law down on upon them for the crimes
they have carried out."
All right, boys.
First things first, couple of
loose ends to tie up. Yeah.
Phil, you're in charge
of the getaway vehicle.
What, lick of paint, change the reg?
Destroy it.
Destroy it, obviously, as well.
I was about to say that, Clive.
Mick, are you
Do you wanna do that with me?
Yeah, consider me there, mate.
Alberto, me old mucker!
HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
JOE LAUGHS
Your jobYeah?
..is to make sure your
brother-in-law keeps his mouth shut.
The filth are gonna be
right up his arse.
You need to make sure it's clean.
Yeah. Def
I-In sort of, in what way clean?
It means make sure
Sidney doesn't rat.
Right. Sorry. Got ya. It was all
the arse stuff, it threw me off!
JOE LAUGHS
Yeah. Got ya.
You boys have done very well.
Very well indeed!
Thank you! Thank you.
But there's a lot of work
left to do.
It's just the beginning.
Yeah, it's just the beginning.
Really? Cos I felt like
it was more like the end,
just because we've already
got everything we needed, I thought.
I can see how you're feeling,
Alberto.
If you wanna take the money and run,
there's no shame in that.
No shame in that whatsoever.
Leave us to deal with the gold.
There's a good few grand in there.
You can take it,
leave the dirty work to us.
Easier for ya. Yeah, I mean
Could I? Cos that'd be
Absolutely. Yeah? Yeah.
We can do an even split.
You take the money,
we take the gold.
If I'm honest, that's a huge relief
because I'm not really built
for all this,
so thank you very much. Absolutely.
We can do an even split. A-A-A-Aye!
I'm gonna have to tell you
to hold your horse here, pal.
We need to talk about this decision
amongst us, as friends.
How much is that gold worth?
That's a piece of gold.
That's a ring.
How much is the ring worth?
200 quid?
So you go one
Two, three, four, five
That's a grand.JoeyAll right!
HE LAUGHS HEARTILY
D'you know what? We can make
a decision on who takes the gold
..after the evidence is destroyed.
Sleep on it.
Tomorrow night we meet back here.
Back here tomorrow night.
What sort of time you thinking?
Seven.
Of course. In the meantime,
keep your heads down.
Yep. No talking to each other.
In the case of Mick and Phil,
are we allowed to talk
while we're in the van together?
Is that permitted? Obviously
because it'll be quite complicated
if we can't have a chat.
He was joking.
I'm not joking. What have I told you
about asking stupid questions?
Looks like they came in
and exited through the main door.
The CCTV was turned off,
it may be just bad luck,
but it got me thinking about
the possibility of an inside job.
There's a few things
that don't really add up here, Guv.
Well, that's only ifs and maybes,
innit, Thread?
This is what's happening.
Me and the boys are gonna go round
and do a synchronised smashdown
on everyone in the area who's got
armed robbery on their records.
Well, just before we do that,
I think it might be worth doing
a recreation with the guards.
Go through everything that happened,
where everyone was.
A reconstruction.
What do you mean?
Like a school play?
It can be quite useful
to see everyone's movements.
For example, how the robbers were
able to get in through the main door
without having to force it.
OK, fine.
But if that doesn't work,
I want every armed robber on my desk
first thing Monday morning.
Are we clear? Yeah.
Fuck!
"Our main story is still the biggest
gold heist in history last night,
"where a number of gold bars,
thought to be worth £30 million
"were stolen from a storage compound
in east London." 30 million?
Did you hear that? 30 million.
That's a lot more
than what Clive said it was worth.
He must not have realised. That,
or he's pulling down our pants.
He's not gonna pull down the pants
of someone that he respects,
his right-hand man,
someone that's part of the Firm.
What, Joey? No, me! Everyone knows
I'm part of the Firm, Mick!
Let me be clear here, mate. I don't
need no help pulling my pants down.
I can pull my pants down on my own.
You tell Clive, he's coming for
my pants, have a big breakfast, son!
And bring an army with ya,
cos you'll need 'em!
Mick, breathe for a bit.
Where the fuck are we? It's a little
place Big Mick likes to call
..the middle of nowhere.
This thing is gonna go up
like a dragon's arsehole.
So, what, is this gonna blow up
or just burn out?
Phil, Phil, please, mate. What?
Just show a little patience, please.
Ah, I love 'em.
I get some of my best thinking done
looking into the flames of a fire.
How long is this gonna take?
Hours, mate. I ain't got a time.
Hours? Hours, mate!
It takes as long as it takes.
That was really loud.
Don't worry, mate.
There's no prying ears here.
We're in the middle of nowhere.
We might as well be on the moon.
Right,
where have you stashed the car?
Pardon me?
Why is that my responsibility?
You're in charge of transport, boy.
You didn't think about
stashing a car to get home?
It's not my job to think!
I really worry
about what's going on in your head.
That's not fair! You're grouchy,
you're being out of order.
I'm not listening to you
when you're like this!
We're in the fucking moors!
I know we're in the And also,
our A to Z's in there, so now
we don't know where we're going.
Great! That's from the library,
so that's a fine!
Well, do you wanna get it?
No, it's on fire now, you plum!
If we just take the cash, we can be
out of here. We don't need the gold.
Well, you've stolen it now, darling.
You've done the hard part.
But I didn't know
what I was stealing, did I?
It could be from the Royal Treasury
for all we know.
That's like killing a swan.
People get hung
for that sort of thing.
No-one gets hung for killing a swan.
I wish I'd never got involved
in this. We were happy enough
before all this.
Were we? Well
30 million pound that gold's worth.
30! Sidney, shut up! "Biggest
Gold Heist of the Century!" Great!
There's a cafe full of people!
They think we're ex-military
because it was so well organised.
Maybe I should be in the military.
Or MI5.
I could get one of those James Bond
exploding pens
that blows yer hand off.
Sidney, stop running your mouth.
Just shut up, Sidney.
You two need to calm down. Look,
they haven't got anything on us.
BELL RINGS
"Highly organised."
"Highly organised" they call us.
Well, me technically,
because it was my job, wasn't it?
Fuck, it's Saunders! It's Saunders!
Saunders!
Don't! Put it in the bin!
What are you doing?
Albert!
Albert, get up!
Why do I have to be out?
You have to be up here
running a cafe like normal! Great
Why does he get to hide?
Tash, I'm gonna stay down here.
Ssh! Don't tell him I'm here.
Morning, Natasha, love.
You all right? Yeah!
Good. Yeah.
I'm noticing you had a bit of salmon
on the menu today.
Me and Albert just, erm, love it.
Oh, I love a bit of salmon.
Where's Albert? Here I am.
Running my cafe, as usual!
How you doing, Albert?
Yeah, good. Classic day at the cafe,
really! Good, good, good.
What can we get ya, Inspector?
Just the usual, please, Tash.
Soft egg, Alb.
Yep. Got ya. Yeah.
I'll just go and do that now, then!
So, how's it going? Not bad, Tash.
Got me work cut out, as you can see,
today.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I heard about that one.
Any leads?
Fuck all at the moment, girl.
But mark my words, Tash,
we'll get 'em.
Good.
You had any suspicious-looking
characters in here
over the past few weeks?
Actually, yeah.
Erm A couple of days ago,
actually.
There was some really
suspicious-looking people.
Suspicious how, Tash?
Oh, erm
..talking quietly.
Some of them
were wearing sunglasses.
Sunglasses? Yeah.
Anything else, Tash?
Accents. Some of 'em had accents.
Funny accents? Yeah. There you go.
Softest egg in the East End for ya!
Even tucked in an extra sausage
for you there.
Oh, did you want a sauce?
Brown sauce. Brown sauce!
Absolutely incredible choice.
You always have brown sauce.
I actually always have brown sauce,
as well. I love the stuff.
Er, yeah, I have it with, like,
even just,
obviously fry-ups and that,
but even fish and chips some
Well, not with the fish.
That wouldn't really work, would it?
Not for me. Nah, same here.
There we go.
Brown sauce? Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry!
What's wrong with me?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ah, God!
HE LAUGHS
Here we go. I-Is that enough for ya?
That's lovely. Yeah. Here we go.
What do I owe you, son?
Oh, no, don't
Yeah, no. Don't offend me!
It's on the house!
Yeah, your money's no good here.
Be lucky. Cheers, Chief! All right.
You can do it, mate.
Out the way! Fucking ridiculous!
It's a dance, mate!
You gotta smile, you gotta own it!
Own it!
Are you going to London, mate?
So degrading! We should just
steal a car, get home.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey. Hey, hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Don't shout at me!
You don't shout at me!
Don't shout at me!
I'm sick of your shoutin'!
I'm done with this!
We are not stealing a car.
We just destroyed one stolen car!
We steal another car,
we've got to destroy that!
Then we're in a vicious circle
of destroying car after car, mate!
Phil! Philip!
Philip Grant Pocket,
you come back here!
BELL RINGS
Alberto!
The man himself. Joey!
Also the man himself, as well.
Well, the better man, if anything!
My better half! No, that's
Not like that.
I saw the filth were in here earlier,
sniffing about. Ah, God, yeah.
No, that's just Saunders.
He's always in here, just, er
He was just asking if
we've heard anything. Bloody pig!
Too right! Too right!
What did you tell him?
Well, nothing. You know me,
the old, er, slaving away, chained
to the hobs, pots and pans. Yeah.
Tasha done really well, so, yeah.
What, you told your missus?
HE STAMMERS
No, yeah, no, Sidney told her.
Sidney? Yeah. Where is he?
Have you seen him?
No.
Are you sure?
Erm, no, yeah, no.
"Yeah, no" what?
Why do you keep saying "yeah, no"?
I don't know!
It's really out of character.
I never say that usually.
Erm, I'm trying to think.
Yesterday I saw him
No, you're right.
I saw him today, as well. Yeah. No.
God, I Yeah, yesterday
I think I saw him both days
and that's where the confusion was,
I think.
Er, so, yeah. No, he's all great.
Nothing to worry about. Right.
Not that you'd worry about it.
You probably never worry.
So I can tell Clive
you're on top of it all, yeah?
Yeah, well, not just me, but
But, yes, completely.
Just looking forward to it
all being over, i-if I'm honest.
In a good way, though.
I-In a really good way.
30 million they think it's worth.
HE LAUGHS
Well, it won't be worth that much,
Tash.
You know what the press are like.
Yeah, Tash!
You know what the press are like,
man. They're always yapping about
and exaggera-
Look after yourself, yeah? Yeah.
HE LAUGHS Alberto!
Joey!
See you tomorrow, man. Mate.
Nice. Really well handled.
I thought so.
I can't wait to put a bullet
in that cunt's head.
Sidney first,
then the rest.
Sidney Wilson?
If you'd like to come with us.
W-What
What's this about?
OK, so the entry point
was via the shutters.
So, who opened the shutters?
EXHALES LOUDLY
Oh, yeah, that was me.
What's your name, sunshine?
Wilson. Sidney Wilson.
Did you get a good look at 'em,
Sidney?
No. D-Didn't see any of them at all.
Erm, no.
Well, what did they sound like,
Sidney?
I didn't hear I didn't hear them,
either. I didn't
You mean they didn't say anything,
Sidney?
No funny accents
or nothing like that?
Accents? They did have accents.
Yes. They was northern.
Cos they came in and they
HE STAMMERS
..sort of said, erm,
INDISTINCT ACCEN
.."Get on the floor
and open the shutters!"
They told you to get on the floor
and open the shutters?
The shutters were closed?
Yeah, yeah, no, cos they, erm
HE STAMMERS
Cos the shutters are always closed,
so, erm, at that point,
they would've been closed,
cos there's no reason why
I would've opened them for them
cos I didn't know
they were even gonna come.
You must've got a good look
at the others,
so how many were there in total,
Sidney?
No, cos, erm,
cos I wasn't near the window
when they When the van came in,
I wasn't near the window.
Where were you? I was,
where I was, actually, was just,
I was standing over here,
so I was Where the window is,
I didn't really
Can you demonstrate?
Yeah, I was just
I was just here, like,
erm, just leaning here, I think.
OK.
Would you mind pressing the button,
Sidney? Press Press the button?
So I just, erm,
just stand like that
and then just pressed it,
and then press that.
Is that how you would normally
press the button?
Yeah. Yeah.
What, you would stand like that
in the corner, facing that way?
It's It's just how I stand.
That's not how you stand.
Stay out of this, Jonathan!
Are you lying to us, Sidney? No.
No-one in the history
of standing and pressing buttons
has ever stood like that and pressed
a button that way, Sidney.
Well, maybe I was sitting down.
Maybe I was
I could've maybe been like that.
HE SIGHS DEEPLY
Well, you're all free to go.
Thanks for coming.
Not you, Steak and Kidney.
You're coming for a nice ride
in the van.
Is this because of the button thing?
JAUNTY MUSIC ON TV
PHONE RINGS
Did I tell you about Josie
from school?No.
She has been
running about with that Tony.
Hello?
What?
What, Tony with the small eyes?
I heard from Sally
that he is good friends with John.
OK. What, John her ex?
They met at their engagement party
two years ago.
Tash, he's obviously had his
small eyes on her this whole time!
That's what I heard.
Tash, I'm telling you a story.
Gimme a sec.
It's Sidney. He's at the station.
What? I knew this would happen!
Can we just give it all back?
What, you're gonna go
to the police station and hand in
three tons of gold? No!
Like, maybe just wait till
after hours and go to the doorstep
and just leave it there with
a letter saying I'm really sorry?
We should've just taken the cash
instead of the gold.
Doesn't matter now, does it?
Because if he grasses,
then we're all fucked.
Literally, up the arse, because
they love doing that in prison.
You, as well. It's not just the men.
Women I mean, I don't know
if it's up the arse
or whatever your version is, but
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's OK. Yeah.
It's OK.
Look at me. Yeah.
No-one's getting fucked up the arse.
Promise? Mm-hm.
Right.
What's that you got there? I think
we need to start taping interviews.
Do what?
So you can listen to everything
I've said in there? Well, yeah.
You're mad, ain't ya?
Not on my watch, girl.
You don't wanna record this,
trust me. It's gonna be
a brutal couple of hours.
I think we need to be delicate
on how we approach him.
We don't want him to clam up.
Look, you go in there being
all delicate with your questions
and your lovely little fringe
and your plum jacket,
he'll play you like a fool.
You see, men like Steak and Kidney,
they're not intimidated by Old Bill.
They're intimidated by brute force.
He seemed pretty intimidated
earlier.
When I'm finished
with that long streak of piss,
he'll be curled up on the floor
in the foetal position,
crying for his mummy.
Watch and learn.
DOOR SLAMS
You know what job I did
before I joined the police force,
Sidney?
I was in the war, son.
Korea.
1950 to 1953.
And I broke many a man.
Harder than you. Tougher than you.
Maybe not as tall as you.
DRAMATIC MUSIC
MUSIC STOPS
I'll give you the names.
All of 'em.
What, really?
But I want total anonymity.
Don't mess me around, son!
Do you understand?
I just said
I'd give you the information!
When I want shit from you,
I will squeeze your fucking head!
Now start talking!
I'm confused because I've just
said I'll give you the names,
and this all seems very unnecessary.
Start talking!
Write all the names down now!
Well, have you got a pencil or?
Don't mess with me, Sidney,
cos I'm gonna open you up
like a tin of plum tomatoes.
It would be easier if I had a table
to write on, so I'm just
That's all the names.
You've done the right thing there,
boy.
We've decided to accept your offer.
We'll take the cash. But But
..we want protection. Protection.
And we want a guarantee that you
and your boys will leave us alone
forever. Forever!
Yeah, I'm still not sold
on the repeating thing.
It just throws it off a little bit.
You don't like it? I liked it.
I thought it was dramatic.
I thought it was good.
One thing, though,
I'm gonna still be
working with them,
so that's something that we do need
to iron out in the small print.
Yeah.
I think it's a no-brainer, though,
innit? They're getting the gold,
so they should go for it.
I'm just gonna say it now,
does anyone else here think
we're getting the fuzzy end
of the lollipop?
Like we could be asking
for more cash? Yes.
Not this again.
I feel like it's fine how it is.
No, that's a good point.
Maybe I could chuck in a promotion.
Let's sort the deal out
and then maybe jump in after that.
What are you boys thinking about
the pacing? I like it personally.
It's disorientating, like there's
a fly in the room and you're just
trying to, "Where is it?"
Right, OK, but apart from that,
we're all agreed, OK,
stick to the plan, cut all ties
and we'll take the cash. OK?
Deal.
SIRENS WAIL
Hello, Clive. Joey.
You're both nicked.
Put your hands up.
"Police have arrested two men
in connection with an armed robbery
in east London.
"The men are thought to have stolen
up to £30 million pounds' worth
of gold bullion.
"Forces say
these are well-known criminals
"who police believe are responsible
for a number of crimes."
That doesn't sound like Sidney.
It's Clive and Joey.
'For the first time in his life,
Sidney had come up trumps,
'giving Clive and Joey's names
to the police,
'but in the same breath
left us with a three-ton
golden albatross around our necks
'and no idea how to get rid of it.'
We know
Which way you're going
We know
Which way you're going
Brothers on the slide
We know
Which way you're going. ♪
Standard!
Standard!
Come and get your Standard!
Standard, sir?
Standard!
Biggest gold heist of the century!
Oh, thank you very much, sir.
Standard!
Come and get your Standard!
Biggest gold heist of the century!
"The Metropolitan Police
are this morning investigating
"what is believed to be
one of the biggest armed robberies
of all time."
"They are searching for a blue van
which was seen in the area
at the time
"and is believed to be connected"
"Police say there's no real evidence
to go on.
"The robbery was not captured
on camera
"and is believed to have been
meticulously planned
by a professional gang."
"believed to be one of
the biggest armed robberies"
"among items stolen from
the east London storage facility"
REPORTER SPEAKS SPANISH
..a professional job,
and we suspect ex-military.
..reported to be 7,000 gold bars.
"The robbery has been described"
'It was surreal.
'Like watching ourselves in a movie.
'The whole world talking about us,
'painting pictures
of dangerous criminals
specialising in armed robbery.'
"We will very much be ensuring
that these criminals
are brought to justice."
"We will bring the full force of the
law down on upon them for the crimes
they have carried out."
All right, boys.
First things first, couple of
loose ends to tie up. Yeah.
Phil, you're in charge
of the getaway vehicle.
What, lick of paint, change the reg?
Destroy it.
Destroy it, obviously, as well.
I was about to say that, Clive.
Mick, are you
Do you wanna do that with me?
Yeah, consider me there, mate.
Alberto, me old mucker!
HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
JOE LAUGHS
Your jobYeah?
..is to make sure your
brother-in-law keeps his mouth shut.
The filth are gonna be
right up his arse.
You need to make sure it's clean.
Yeah. Def
I-In sort of, in what way clean?
It means make sure
Sidney doesn't rat.
Right. Sorry. Got ya. It was all
the arse stuff, it threw me off!
JOE LAUGHS
Yeah. Got ya.
You boys have done very well.
Very well indeed!
Thank you! Thank you.
But there's a lot of work
left to do.
It's just the beginning.
Yeah, it's just the beginning.
Really? Cos I felt like
it was more like the end,
just because we've already
got everything we needed, I thought.
I can see how you're feeling,
Alberto.
If you wanna take the money and run,
there's no shame in that.
No shame in that whatsoever.
Leave us to deal with the gold.
There's a good few grand in there.
You can take it,
leave the dirty work to us.
Easier for ya. Yeah, I mean
Could I? Cos that'd be
Absolutely. Yeah? Yeah.
We can do an even split.
You take the money,
we take the gold.
If I'm honest, that's a huge relief
because I'm not really built
for all this,
so thank you very much. Absolutely.
We can do an even split. A-A-A-Aye!
I'm gonna have to tell you
to hold your horse here, pal.
We need to talk about this decision
amongst us, as friends.
How much is that gold worth?
That's a piece of gold.
That's a ring.
How much is the ring worth?
200 quid?
So you go one
Two, three, four, five
That's a grand.JoeyAll right!
HE LAUGHS HEARTILY
D'you know what? We can make
a decision on who takes the gold
..after the evidence is destroyed.
Sleep on it.
Tomorrow night we meet back here.
Back here tomorrow night.
What sort of time you thinking?
Seven.
Of course. In the meantime,
keep your heads down.
Yep. No talking to each other.
In the case of Mick and Phil,
are we allowed to talk
while we're in the van together?
Is that permitted? Obviously
because it'll be quite complicated
if we can't have a chat.
He was joking.
I'm not joking. What have I told you
about asking stupid questions?
Looks like they came in
and exited through the main door.
The CCTV was turned off,
it may be just bad luck,
but it got me thinking about
the possibility of an inside job.
There's a few things
that don't really add up here, Guv.
Well, that's only ifs and maybes,
innit, Thread?
This is what's happening.
Me and the boys are gonna go round
and do a synchronised smashdown
on everyone in the area who's got
armed robbery on their records.
Well, just before we do that,
I think it might be worth doing
a recreation with the guards.
Go through everything that happened,
where everyone was.
A reconstruction.
What do you mean?
Like a school play?
It can be quite useful
to see everyone's movements.
For example, how the robbers were
able to get in through the main door
without having to force it.
OK, fine.
But if that doesn't work,
I want every armed robber on my desk
first thing Monday morning.
Are we clear? Yeah.
Fuck!
"Our main story is still the biggest
gold heist in history last night,
"where a number of gold bars,
thought to be worth £30 million
"were stolen from a storage compound
in east London." 30 million?
Did you hear that? 30 million.
That's a lot more
than what Clive said it was worth.
He must not have realised. That,
or he's pulling down our pants.
He's not gonna pull down the pants
of someone that he respects,
his right-hand man,
someone that's part of the Firm.
What, Joey? No, me! Everyone knows
I'm part of the Firm, Mick!
Let me be clear here, mate. I don't
need no help pulling my pants down.
I can pull my pants down on my own.
You tell Clive, he's coming for
my pants, have a big breakfast, son!
And bring an army with ya,
cos you'll need 'em!
Mick, breathe for a bit.
Where the fuck are we? It's a little
place Big Mick likes to call
..the middle of nowhere.
This thing is gonna go up
like a dragon's arsehole.
So, what, is this gonna blow up
or just burn out?
Phil, Phil, please, mate. What?
Just show a little patience, please.
Ah, I love 'em.
I get some of my best thinking done
looking into the flames of a fire.
How long is this gonna take?
Hours, mate. I ain't got a time.
Hours? Hours, mate!
It takes as long as it takes.
That was really loud.
Don't worry, mate.
There's no prying ears here.
We're in the middle of nowhere.
We might as well be on the moon.
Right,
where have you stashed the car?
Pardon me?
Why is that my responsibility?
You're in charge of transport, boy.
You didn't think about
stashing a car to get home?
It's not my job to think!
I really worry
about what's going on in your head.
That's not fair! You're grouchy,
you're being out of order.
I'm not listening to you
when you're like this!
We're in the fucking moors!
I know we're in the And also,
our A to Z's in there, so now
we don't know where we're going.
Great! That's from the library,
so that's a fine!
Well, do you wanna get it?
No, it's on fire now, you plum!
If we just take the cash, we can be
out of here. We don't need the gold.
Well, you've stolen it now, darling.
You've done the hard part.
But I didn't know
what I was stealing, did I?
It could be from the Royal Treasury
for all we know.
That's like killing a swan.
People get hung
for that sort of thing.
No-one gets hung for killing a swan.
I wish I'd never got involved
in this. We were happy enough
before all this.
Were we? Well
30 million pound that gold's worth.
30! Sidney, shut up! "Biggest
Gold Heist of the Century!" Great!
There's a cafe full of people!
They think we're ex-military
because it was so well organised.
Maybe I should be in the military.
Or MI5.
I could get one of those James Bond
exploding pens
that blows yer hand off.
Sidney, stop running your mouth.
Just shut up, Sidney.
You two need to calm down. Look,
they haven't got anything on us.
BELL RINGS
"Highly organised."
"Highly organised" they call us.
Well, me technically,
because it was my job, wasn't it?
Fuck, it's Saunders! It's Saunders!
Saunders!
Don't! Put it in the bin!
What are you doing?
Albert!
Albert, get up!
Why do I have to be out?
You have to be up here
running a cafe like normal! Great
Why does he get to hide?
Tash, I'm gonna stay down here.
Ssh! Don't tell him I'm here.
Morning, Natasha, love.
You all right? Yeah!
Good. Yeah.
I'm noticing you had a bit of salmon
on the menu today.
Me and Albert just, erm, love it.
Oh, I love a bit of salmon.
Where's Albert? Here I am.
Running my cafe, as usual!
How you doing, Albert?
Yeah, good. Classic day at the cafe,
really! Good, good, good.
What can we get ya, Inspector?
Just the usual, please, Tash.
Soft egg, Alb.
Yep. Got ya. Yeah.
I'll just go and do that now, then!
So, how's it going? Not bad, Tash.
Got me work cut out, as you can see,
today.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I heard about that one.
Any leads?
Fuck all at the moment, girl.
But mark my words, Tash,
we'll get 'em.
Good.
You had any suspicious-looking
characters in here
over the past few weeks?
Actually, yeah.
Erm A couple of days ago,
actually.
There was some really
suspicious-looking people.
Suspicious how, Tash?
Oh, erm
..talking quietly.
Some of them
were wearing sunglasses.
Sunglasses? Yeah.
Anything else, Tash?
Accents. Some of 'em had accents.
Funny accents? Yeah. There you go.
Softest egg in the East End for ya!
Even tucked in an extra sausage
for you there.
Oh, did you want a sauce?
Brown sauce. Brown sauce!
Absolutely incredible choice.
You always have brown sauce.
I actually always have brown sauce,
as well. I love the stuff.
Er, yeah, I have it with, like,
even just,
obviously fry-ups and that,
but even fish and chips some
Well, not with the fish.
That wouldn't really work, would it?
Not for me. Nah, same here.
There we go.
Brown sauce? Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry!
What's wrong with me?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ah, God!
HE LAUGHS
Here we go. I-Is that enough for ya?
That's lovely. Yeah. Here we go.
What do I owe you, son?
Oh, no, don't
Yeah, no. Don't offend me!
It's on the house!
Yeah, your money's no good here.
Be lucky. Cheers, Chief! All right.
You can do it, mate.
Out the way! Fucking ridiculous!
It's a dance, mate!
You gotta smile, you gotta own it!
Own it!
Are you going to London, mate?
So degrading! We should just
steal a car, get home.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey. Hey, hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Don't shout at me!
You don't shout at me!
Don't shout at me!
I'm sick of your shoutin'!
I'm done with this!
We are not stealing a car.
We just destroyed one stolen car!
We steal another car,
we've got to destroy that!
Then we're in a vicious circle
of destroying car after car, mate!
Phil! Philip!
Philip Grant Pocket,
you come back here!
BELL RINGS
Alberto!
The man himself. Joey!
Also the man himself, as well.
Well, the better man, if anything!
My better half! No, that's
Not like that.
I saw the filth were in here earlier,
sniffing about. Ah, God, yeah.
No, that's just Saunders.
He's always in here, just, er
He was just asking if
we've heard anything. Bloody pig!
Too right! Too right!
What did you tell him?
Well, nothing. You know me,
the old, er, slaving away, chained
to the hobs, pots and pans. Yeah.
Tasha done really well, so, yeah.
What, you told your missus?
HE STAMMERS
No, yeah, no, Sidney told her.
Sidney? Yeah. Where is he?
Have you seen him?
No.
Are you sure?
Erm, no, yeah, no.
"Yeah, no" what?
Why do you keep saying "yeah, no"?
I don't know!
It's really out of character.
I never say that usually.
Erm, I'm trying to think.
Yesterday I saw him
No, you're right.
I saw him today, as well. Yeah. No.
God, I Yeah, yesterday
I think I saw him both days
and that's where the confusion was,
I think.
Er, so, yeah. No, he's all great.
Nothing to worry about. Right.
Not that you'd worry about it.
You probably never worry.
So I can tell Clive
you're on top of it all, yeah?
Yeah, well, not just me, but
But, yes, completely.
Just looking forward to it
all being over, i-if I'm honest.
In a good way, though.
I-In a really good way.
30 million they think it's worth.
HE LAUGHS
Well, it won't be worth that much,
Tash.
You know what the press are like.
Yeah, Tash!
You know what the press are like,
man. They're always yapping about
and exaggera-
Look after yourself, yeah? Yeah.
HE LAUGHS Alberto!
Joey!
See you tomorrow, man. Mate.
Nice. Really well handled.
I thought so.
I can't wait to put a bullet
in that cunt's head.
Sidney first,
then the rest.
Sidney Wilson?
If you'd like to come with us.
W-What
What's this about?
OK, so the entry point
was via the shutters.
So, who opened the shutters?
EXHALES LOUDLY
Oh, yeah, that was me.
What's your name, sunshine?
Wilson. Sidney Wilson.
Did you get a good look at 'em,
Sidney?
No. D-Didn't see any of them at all.
Erm, no.
Well, what did they sound like,
Sidney?
I didn't hear I didn't hear them,
either. I didn't
You mean they didn't say anything,
Sidney?
No funny accents
or nothing like that?
Accents? They did have accents.
Yes. They was northern.
Cos they came in and they
HE STAMMERS
..sort of said, erm,
INDISTINCT ACCEN
.."Get on the floor
and open the shutters!"
They told you to get on the floor
and open the shutters?
The shutters were closed?
Yeah, yeah, no, cos they, erm
HE STAMMERS
Cos the shutters are always closed,
so, erm, at that point,
they would've been closed,
cos there's no reason why
I would've opened them for them
cos I didn't know
they were even gonna come.
You must've got a good look
at the others,
so how many were there in total,
Sidney?
No, cos, erm,
cos I wasn't near the window
when they When the van came in,
I wasn't near the window.
Where were you? I was,
where I was, actually, was just,
I was standing over here,
so I was Where the window is,
I didn't really
Can you demonstrate?
Yeah, I was just
I was just here, like,
erm, just leaning here, I think.
OK.
Would you mind pressing the button,
Sidney? Press Press the button?
So I just, erm,
just stand like that
and then just pressed it,
and then press that.
Is that how you would normally
press the button?
Yeah. Yeah.
What, you would stand like that
in the corner, facing that way?
It's It's just how I stand.
That's not how you stand.
Stay out of this, Jonathan!
Are you lying to us, Sidney? No.
No-one in the history
of standing and pressing buttons
has ever stood like that and pressed
a button that way, Sidney.
Well, maybe I was sitting down.
Maybe I was
I could've maybe been like that.
HE SIGHS DEEPLY
Well, you're all free to go.
Thanks for coming.
Not you, Steak and Kidney.
You're coming for a nice ride
in the van.
Is this because of the button thing?
JAUNTY MUSIC ON TV
PHONE RINGS
Did I tell you about Josie
from school?No.
She has been
running about with that Tony.
Hello?
What?
What, Tony with the small eyes?
I heard from Sally
that he is good friends with John.
OK. What, John her ex?
They met at their engagement party
two years ago.
Tash, he's obviously had his
small eyes on her this whole time!
That's what I heard.
Tash, I'm telling you a story.
Gimme a sec.
It's Sidney. He's at the station.
What? I knew this would happen!
Can we just give it all back?
What, you're gonna go
to the police station and hand in
three tons of gold? No!
Like, maybe just wait till
after hours and go to the doorstep
and just leave it there with
a letter saying I'm really sorry?
We should've just taken the cash
instead of the gold.
Doesn't matter now, does it?
Because if he grasses,
then we're all fucked.
Literally, up the arse, because
they love doing that in prison.
You, as well. It's not just the men.
Women I mean, I don't know
if it's up the arse
or whatever your version is, but
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's OK. Yeah.
It's OK.
Look at me. Yeah.
No-one's getting fucked up the arse.
Promise? Mm-hm.
Right.
What's that you got there? I think
we need to start taping interviews.
Do what?
So you can listen to everything
I've said in there? Well, yeah.
You're mad, ain't ya?
Not on my watch, girl.
You don't wanna record this,
trust me. It's gonna be
a brutal couple of hours.
I think we need to be delicate
on how we approach him.
We don't want him to clam up.
Look, you go in there being
all delicate with your questions
and your lovely little fringe
and your plum jacket,
he'll play you like a fool.
You see, men like Steak and Kidney,
they're not intimidated by Old Bill.
They're intimidated by brute force.
He seemed pretty intimidated
earlier.
When I'm finished
with that long streak of piss,
he'll be curled up on the floor
in the foetal position,
crying for his mummy.
Watch and learn.
DOOR SLAMS
You know what job I did
before I joined the police force,
Sidney?
I was in the war, son.
Korea.
1950 to 1953.
And I broke many a man.
Harder than you. Tougher than you.
Maybe not as tall as you.
DRAMATIC MUSIC
MUSIC STOPS
I'll give you the names.
All of 'em.
What, really?
But I want total anonymity.
Don't mess me around, son!
Do you understand?
I just said
I'd give you the information!
When I want shit from you,
I will squeeze your fucking head!
Now start talking!
I'm confused because I've just
said I'll give you the names,
and this all seems very unnecessary.
Start talking!
Write all the names down now!
Well, have you got a pencil or?
Don't mess with me, Sidney,
cos I'm gonna open you up
like a tin of plum tomatoes.
It would be easier if I had a table
to write on, so I'm just
That's all the names.
You've done the right thing there,
boy.
We've decided to accept your offer.
We'll take the cash. But But
..we want protection. Protection.
And we want a guarantee that you
and your boys will leave us alone
forever. Forever!
Yeah, I'm still not sold
on the repeating thing.
It just throws it off a little bit.
You don't like it? I liked it.
I thought it was dramatic.
I thought it was good.
One thing, though,
I'm gonna still be
working with them,
so that's something that we do need
to iron out in the small print.
Yeah.
I think it's a no-brainer, though,
innit? They're getting the gold,
so they should go for it.
I'm just gonna say it now,
does anyone else here think
we're getting the fuzzy end
of the lollipop?
Like we could be asking
for more cash? Yes.
Not this again.
I feel like it's fine how it is.
No, that's a good point.
Maybe I could chuck in a promotion.
Let's sort the deal out
and then maybe jump in after that.
What are you boys thinking about
the pacing? I like it personally.
It's disorientating, like there's
a fly in the room and you're just
trying to, "Where is it?"
Right, OK, but apart from that,
we're all agreed, OK,
stick to the plan, cut all ties
and we'll take the cash. OK?
Deal.
SIRENS WAIL
Hello, Clive. Joey.
You're both nicked.
Put your hands up.
"Police have arrested two men
in connection with an armed robbery
in east London.
"The men are thought to have stolen
up to £30 million pounds' worth
of gold bullion.
"Forces say
these are well-known criminals
"who police believe are responsible
for a number of crimes."
That doesn't sound like Sidney.
It's Clive and Joey.
'For the first time in his life,
Sidney had come up trumps,
'giving Clive and Joey's names
to the police,
'but in the same breath
left us with a three-ton
golden albatross around our necks
'and no idea how to get rid of it.'
We know
Which way you're going
We know
Which way you're going
Brothers on the slide
We know
Which way you're going. ♪