The Feud (2025) s01e02 Episode Script

1
I don't think we should sell. I
think we should do the kitchen.
Seriously?
Hello, Mr Magpie. How's
the wife and kids?
You and your son had some
pretty intense arguments.
You never mention Marcus.
You stitched me up
with that Indian kid.
He lied about his confession,
and we both know why.
This isn't over.
Whoever died here, I
heard they were murdered.
Who knows what goes
on behind these doors?
With John and Emma, we know
they're not gonna kill us.
'Hmm! It's lovely to see
you all getting on so well.'
I'd have thought the
tension in there unbearable.
MAGPIE CACKLES
Morning, Mr Magpie.
You gonna ask the builders
not to leave any ladders out,
in case you have to
walk underneath them?
There are worse things to be
than a little bit superstitious.
Like inexplicably refusing to
sign a party wall agreement.
What you doing
today? Not sure.
What do you get up to all day?
I mean, I know you're
looking for work,
but doesn't it get boring, just
not doing much, not seeing anyone?
I see people.
Oh. Who?
Where's all this come from?
I really need to speak
to Derek and Barbara.
You're wasting your time. I don't
think you'll change their mind.
You mean you hope I don't?
Look, I'm not the enemy.
I thought this
whole kitchen thing
was supposed to bring
us closer together.
You're right. I'm sorry.
I love you, you know.
I know. It's just
It's just what?
Do you really think Derek
and Barbara won't budge?
Of course they won't. They're
ignorant and intransigent.
Why do you think Marcus
left? What do you mean?
He just disappeared. No-one
knows what happened to him.
He hated them.
And it was partly because
they never listened to him.
How do you know that?
He used to tell me.
When? I never saw you with him.
Yeah, Beth. You hardly knew him.
No, you barely know me.
What was that all
about? God knows.
She's just a poor,
messed-up, lonely kid.
TEXT ALER
You all right?
Uh, yeah.
It's just Alan.
Wants to know if I wanna
go for a pint later.
Do you? Nah.
Not really in the mood.
I think you should go.
Maybe I'll text Sonia, see
if she fancies a catch-up.
I'm gonna try and talk to Derek.
INTERCOM RINGS
KNOCKING
Derek?
'Derek, Barbara, it's me.
'I just wanna have a chat with
you, if that's all right?'
Dad, it's me.
Just wondering if you had any luck
with the planning. Give us a call.
Hiya. Hi.
You not working today?
Me? Yeah, always.
I'm on my way. We can't all
work from home when we fancy it.
Oh, is Sonia off?
She's got a nice afternoon
planned, with her feet up.
I mean, don't get me wrong,
I wouldn't wanna be a teacher
for all the omelette in Spain.
But with all the
strikes, and COVID,
she's had more days off than
John, and that's saying something.
HE LAUGHS
Sorry. Erm
I was joking about John.
I know he's had quite
No, no. I think it's nice that
you're going out for a drink later.
I I think he
could do with a moan.
Slow down. I haven't
answered him yet.
Answered him? You asked him.
What? He only just text,
asking if I fancied a pint.
So, yeah, we might.
But I was with him
when you text him.
Must have been his fancy woman.
HE LAUGHS
Sorry. You know, I've
gotta stop doing jokes.
Sonia's always telling me. No,
no, no, you're fine, it's me.
It's the extension, the
builders, the plans, money.
I'm just all over the
place. I must have misheard.
Have a good day.
Yeah, you, too.
Hey, why don't you ask
Sonia if she's free later?
We could all go out. I
could do with a drink.
Yeah, sure. Let's do that.
We're gonna have to talk
to them sooner or later.
Oh? Why? They're
our neighbours.
Oh, don't you see?
There's a process.
There are at least two objections
to their little scheme so far.
The longer we stall, the more likely
they are to change their minds.
They're not gonna change
their minds, Derek.
They're gonna build
their stupid kitchen,
and they're gonna
want to move our tree.
And if they move the
tree Oh, shut up, woman.
Just Just get a grip.
Emma. Hi.
Ah. Is this about
the petition? Yeah
I know you think it's
trivial and petty,
but having the street
filled with cars and vans
with no consideration
for the residents,
or for someone who works
anti-social hours
I need to see your camera
footage. I beg your pardon?
Erm It's cos I need just
a little bit more evidence.
Evidence of what? For
the parking permits.
Oh! I just thought that if I
could see the CCTV evidence
of the vehicles in the street,
then I'd be able to make
a more informed decision,
and it may help me convince my
husband, and Sonia and Alan.
Right, so, you want
to borrow my footage,
is that what you're saying?
I want to help.
I just thought that if I could
take it home and watch it,
then, if what you say is true -
which I'm sure it is - then
I'll sign the petition.
What do you think?
SIGHS
FAINT TAPPING
John?
Beth?
Shit!
SHE EXHALES
MESSAGE ALER
MESSAGE ALER
BIRDS CHIRP
ENGINE IDLES
I'm sure it's illegal for him
to point that thing over here.
He could see anything.
It is.
But, on the upside, he might
see a burglar if one broke in.
Besides, he'd hardly be
making a sex tape, would he?
CHUCKLES
Oh, yeah, I saw Emma.
She was wondering if the four
of us might go out later.
On a Wednesday? Yeah.
John texted, asking
if I fancied a pint.
Did he? Actually,
it was a bit odd.
Emma seemed to think I texted John,
but it was the other way around.
Right.
Reading between the lines, I think
she's a bit suspicious of him.
Suspicious of what?
Well, he sits about
all day, doing nothing.
And when I made a joke about
him having a fancy woman,
she didn't exactly laugh.
Well, she wouldn't, would she?
I mean, why would you
make a joke like that?
Remember when people
had a sense of humour?
SHE SIGHS
Anyway, let me know
what you think.
About what?
The drinks later.
Oh, yeah, sure. OK.
See ya. See ya.
Hi. You up for a beer
later? Yeah, yeah.
All right, have a
good one. OK. See ya.
Well, it seems to me you knew
exactly what you were doing
when you broke into the
shop and stole the phones.
That's as may be, but if you
don't turn up to your hearing,
they're not gonna look
favourably at the case, are they?
OK, fine. I'll
see what I can do.
This is Pawel.
He'll be helping me.
I don't sub-contract,
apart from the electrics.
Well, that's
Hello, Pawel.
Look it's just I wasn't
expecting you today, Lee.
We still haven't got
planning permission,
or the party wall agreement.
Well, we need to work
on the assumption
that you're gonna get
both, then, don't we?
Well, I'm not sure it's gonna
be as easy as my wife thinks.
I mean, what if the planning
permission takes longer than?
Listen.
I've just put a big job
back four months for this.
I could lose a lot of money.
So let's just make sure
that doesn't happen.
DOORBELL RINGS
John, do you know how long
that van's gonna be there?
Not now, Nick.
Well, you say that.
You're gonna have a skip,
you'll have the van,
you're gonna have lorries
delivering steel and God knows
HE SIGHS
HE SIGHS
HE SIGHS
PHONE RINGS
Right, I'm done for now.
I'll be back to start the build as
soon as your missus gives us the nod
for the planning and the
party wall. Well, I think
We're gonna have to move
your neighbour's fence.
Also, have a word with them
about that tree, will you?
It's gonna cause issues where
it stands. Thing is, Lee
This is your payment
plan as we move forward.
So, I'm gonna need
this first lot
so I can order your
steels and concrete.
Also, there's a number on there for
a Portaloo company and a skip hire.
We'll need both.
Can you just put it all
in an email? DOOR CLOSES
PHONE RINGS
HE SIGHS
'Terry here. Leave a message.'
Dad
What's happening? I
just need to know.
Please. Call me.
You sure this is gonna work?
LEE: 'Have you got the cash?'
Yes, I've got the money.
'You can trust me.
You know you can.'
Just do what you need to do.
Keep in touch.
Hello?
SIGHS
Right. What have you been up to?
Hi. Pornhub?
Very funny. No, it's a
case file. It's boring.
Where were you? I shouted
for you. I was in the garden.
What were you doing
in the garden?
Thinking. Thinking about what?
When did you speak
to your dad? Sorry?
He left a message for you on
the answer machine downstairs.
Said he needed to see you,
said he had an answer.
What's going on? SHE SIGHS
I don't know why he
would call the landline.
Er So that I would hear it,
so that we could have a fight,
like we're just about to?
God's sake, John,
just grow up. Grow up?
He fleeced us, Emma - your
own dad! Look, he's my da
You told me that you
two weren't speaking!
I thought we had an agreement.
Emma! He's my father.
I can't stop him
from calling me.
What's all this stuff about
him having an answer, then?
An answer for what?
What aren't you telling me?
I could ask you the same thing.
What's that supposed to mean?
Have you asked him for
money? No, of course not.
I don't want a penny
of his filthy cash.
Not even the stuff he still
owes us. Well, neither do I.
So, what do you want from him,
then? It can't be his love.
That river ran dry
years ago. Oh, Jesus!
And the builder's
payment breakdown
is pretty bloody punchy,
so that would make sense.
He's my dad, for God's sake!
Yeah, well, he's
not mine, thank God.
TENSE EXHALE
'Terry here. Leave a message.'
Yeah, Dad? We need to meet.
Emma, what's this? What?
Well, it's the
street group chat.
Nick's just posted that
you've signed his petition
for the parking
permits. Has he?
Why would you do
that? I haven't.
I said I'd have a think about
it. Well, why would he say that?
And why didn't you tell me that
Lee was coming round today?
Because I didn't know he was.
And anyway, your phone's
been switched off.
Oh, well, you know, I must have
been charging it or something.
SHE SIGHS Listen. Lee,
he wants to get going.
He's rushing us. We
haven't even got planning.
Emma, this whole thing's
becoming a bit of a nightmare.
I'm worried that John,
what is wrong with you?
You never used to be this
stressed and anxious. What?
Well, I don't I don't know.
I'm I'm just
HE SIGHS What?
I suppose, since
I quit my job
I mean, maybe I shouldn't
have left. But I hated it.
I couldn't I couldn't
handle the stress.
I just feel so John,
it's gonna be fine.
You have to trust me. If we don't
have that, what have we got?
Just find out about
those drinks tonight.
KNOCKING
Alan?
SHE SIGHS
SHE SIGHS
'Hi, leave a message.'
Alan, it's me. What
time are you back?
Let me know if you wanna
do this drink later.
Biscuit?
Ts-ts-ts-tss! Where did you go?
MAGPIE CACKLES
Ts-ts-ts-tss! Biscuit!
All right, Biscuit, I
don't need you that badly.
Playing hard to get?
Oh, hi. What are
you doing out here?
Just looking at my house.
Thinking. About the extension?
Yeah.
Among other things.
I was surprised. Me, too.
Is this what you want?
HE SIGHS
Is it?
WINGS FLAP
Emma would say something now.
What do you think she would say?
See you tonight. Tonight?
Drinks, remember?
Do you do all your
meetings in the park now?
Well, they can't
bug you out here.
Why does that not
feel like a joke?
Come on. Who do you think I am?
A property developer who'll go
to any lengths to make a profit,
regardless of the
law, since you ask.
And one day, it
could all be yours.
No, thanks. I'm one
of the good guys.
Sure, till it comes to
planning applications.
You said you had an
answer? Yeah, yeah.
I'm really fine, and
thank you for asking (!)
Oh, come on, Dad. Don't play
the happy family card with me.
Well, you ask me a big favour,
then you tell me I'm a bad father.
I didn't say you were
a bad father - you did.
Ah, right. You got my
message, then, yeah.
Couldn't get through
on your mobile.
Yeah, that was a dick
move, and you know it.
You knew John would hear
that. Well, I can't call you?
You know what I'm talking about.
I like him No, please,
let's not do this.
I mean, he's not exactly the man
I'd hoped that my only child
would finish up with, but
OK, so, what kind of
man would suffice?
Because after all, Dad, I am
here to make you happy (!)
He can't hold down a job,
and he makes his wife
go out to earn a crust.
It's not the 1970s.
He doesn't send me out
to work. I love my job.
God, no wonder Mam left
you. I miss your mum.
SHE SIGHS She misses you.
Does she? No.
She literally moved to Australia,
that's how much she misses you.
Right. Well, she left us both.
So, do you want the good
news or the bad news?
For God's sake,
please, just tell me.
Well, the good news is
you got your planning.
Really? Really? Oh,
thank you! Thank you.
Here, hang on. You haven't
heard the bad news.
What?
I'm afraid you're gonna
have to do the extension,
and it's gonna be
a bloody nightmare.
Shut up. So, how do I thank you?
Your old man can't
do you a favour?
Not for free, no.
Nice (!)
Give Beth a kiss for me.
Listen, s-sorry, sorry, Dad.
I shouldn't have said that.
Send John my best.
They wrote to us.
The surveyors, they
sent us an email.
Oh, I didn't get an email.
They made the party wall
award. OK, well, I haven't
They've ignored our
concerns - the light.
They said we have to
let you do as you asked.
They said we have to let
you move our fence one metre
while you dig your foundations,
while you build your wall.
They said we have no
choice in the matter.
I can't believe this
is happening to us,
that you're doing this to us.
Barbara, I'm not doing
this to upset you, really.
Upset us? Upset us?!
You You have no idea.
Just help me understand this,
because I'm really struggling here.
Why is this such a big deal?
It's just a kitchen extension.
We'll keep fighting the planning.
And trust me, we have a case.
Well, that's the other thing.
Planning's gone through.
You're not moving our
tree. Do you hear me?
Why? Have you got
something to hide?
We'll do what we have to do,
Derek. Over my dead body.
Barbara!
You look nice. Thanks.
Maybe I should get
changed. No, you look fine.
We're only going to the pub.
Well, it's very nice of you to
make such an effort for Alan.
Funny.
Has it ever occurred to you that
I try and make an effort for you?
So, it looks like Lee
can start on Monday.
Are you OK with that?
What about the planning?
We got it. Oh, right.
Monday's great, if
that's what works best.
You're OK with it?
Emma, it's your money.
It's our money. We're
married, remember?
Promise me one thing. Sure.
Your dad has nothing
to do with it.
Yeah, of course.
Great. Let's go and celebrate.
John, what do you think of me?
Where did that come
from? I don't know.
It's just been ages since
we've been out together.
I can barely get you to agree
to a takeaway these days,
let alone a night
out at the pub.
We went to Sonia and
Alan's the other night.
Yeah, Sonia's. And Alan.
Emma, what's wrong?
I don't know.
I just think maybe we
should see other people.
Other people?
Oh, you mean other CHUCKLING:
You mean other friends.
Why? What did you?
Oh, God, why would
I suggest that?
I don't know. Yeah, it's
not exactly you, is it?
Are you ready?
Alan?
Alan? MAGPIE CACKLES
Coming, my love.
Bastards.
KNOCK AT DOOR
Ah! Thanks for this.
Not at all. I won't
be needing it.
And I won't be needing parking
permits, but best of luck.
Oh, and not only have I
not signed your petition,
despite what you've told
the rest of the street,
I won't be signing your
petition. You said you would.
I said I'd think about it,
and I've thought about it.
Nick, we're gonna be needing
builders, cranes, skips,
concrete pourers, plumbers,
electricians, portable toilets,
and that's before we've even
thought about the decorating.
So, it's not gonna work
for us. Well, here's news.
You've gotta get
past planning first.
Oh, yeah, about that,
the planning's gone
through, so that's that.
Oh, and can you move your camera
away from looking at our house?
I'm a lawyer. It
invades our privacy.
Shame! Makes interesting
viewing. HE CHUCKLES
We'll just have to see what the
rest of the street make of it.
What was that about? No idea.
But you you you never
understood what was going on.
You're a fool. I'm not a
fool, Derek. Please, stop!
That's why he isn't
here. It's your fault.
Oh, don't say that.
You can't say that!
Now these people, they're
gonna ruin everything.
Everything.
Well, they'll have
to kill me first!
Excuse me. Are you Beth?
I mean, who has CCTV in a
bloody cul-de-sac, anyway?
The man's paranoid.
As for the parking permits,
he can go and stick 'em.
That's what I said to him.
I think he just thought
that because I said
I'd look at his petition, he just
presumed I'd be on board, the idiot.
I can't stand the
man. Yeah, me neither.
He reminds me of my dad and
his mates when we were kids.
One summer, they set up
a Neighbourhood Watch,
and then spent every
evening getting together
and watching movies, like,
er, Magnificent Seven,
and winding themselves up.
LAUGHING: No way!
No, it's true.
And then, all revved up,
they'd go out hunting for
vagabonds and villains,
armed with golf clubs
and air pistols.
You're making that
up. No, seriously!
And what happened? Well,
nothing. They never found anyone.
Apart from one time, they
came across some poor teenager
who was trying to
have a quiet spliff,
and they hassled him so much,
he gave them all his weed,
and then they spent the rest of
the summer completely stoned!
SHE LAUGHS
The amount of times
I've heard that story.
Oh, it's hilarious.
It's bullshit.
Alan! Well, it's not
true, is it, John?
It's one of your
embellishments. It didn't happen.
Well, it's not a big deal.
I just like the truth.
Oh, come on, John,
you're a great guy,
but you do love to exaggerate,
and you like an audience.
It's not a bad thing. I mean,
they're pretty good stories.
I'm just gonna go to the loo.
I'll get some more drinks in.
What's that about?
Ugh. God knows.
Just seems like there's
something going on between them.
Like what? I don't know.
It's just when men talk
to each other like that,
there's usually something
deeper going on.
And how do women handle it?
Well, I'd like to think we
could tell each other the truth.
The truth. Although in my
job, I have come to realise
that people only ever tell you
what they need you to hear.
Truth is very
overrated in my game.
Yeah, I guess it must be.
I suppose, when you think about it,
is it really even that important?
Well, what else have we got?
Are you serious?
CHUCKLES
Cheers.
Cheers.
GRUNT OF DISGUST Ugh!
COUGHS Oh, my God.
Go on, Andi, your turn. If
you say so. You're the boss.
Ugh! BETH CHUCKLES
Another one? Mm-hm.
PC GALLAGHER CHUCKLES
Cheers.
Hey, John. I was just taking
the piss before, yeah?
No hard feelings.
I mean, it's true - you
do like to exaggerate.
What the fuck is wrong
with you? With me?
Yeah, why would you say all
that? I thought we were mates.
So did I.
You need to lighten up.
ALAN CHUCKLES Now,
let's get drunk.
I'll tell you what,
we are gonna have a huge
party when this thing's done.
You'll have no money
left to throw one.
Yeah, that's without the
extra cost in parking permits.
Oh, I'm just so relieved
we're not moving any more.
You all right, mate?
I'm sorry about what
happened earlier.
You know, I think I'd
really miss everyone.
Apart from him.
LAUGHTER ON FILM
I've got an idea. Come on. Let's
give Nick a little surprise.
Really? Come on!
We gonna do this? Yeah,
yeah, let's go for it.
One two THEY GIGGLE
..three!
ALL WHOOP AND LAUGH
Yep!
LAUGHTER ON FILM
'Enjoy, Nicholas!'
ALAN LAUGHS
Good night, in the
end. No thanks to you.
What was all that about
with John? It was nothing.
You know, it was just banter. I
was calling him out, that's all.
But why? He's a friend.
Isn't that what friends do?
Besides, why do you care?
HE SCOFFS
Why do you think Alan was a
bit weird with you earlier?
He's just being a dick.
You know what he's like.
I don't know. Just seemed like
he wanted to say something.
It's fine. Don't worry
about it. I'm not.
PHONE BUZZES
Ah.
I'm just gonna go and
see if Beth's back.
So, I was right - you
do want something.
We should meet,
talk face-to-face.
I knew it. I knew it
was too good to be true.
'It's not for me. It's for the
guy who sorted the planning.'
Emma?
I'll call you tomorrow,
and it better be kosher.
Emma, you heard from
Beth? She's not in.
No, she's probably just
out with her mates.
What are you doing
out here anyway?
John what's that?
What is that on the back?
"One for sorrow."