Us (2020) s01e02 Episode Script

CONNIE:
Douglas, I've been thinking about leaving.
I think our marriage might be over.
DOUGLAS: We should still go on holiday.
Do the grand tour,
for Albie's sake as much as anything
Not just Albie's sake.
DOUGLAS: No, for all our sakes.
Hotel Bontemps.
Literally Good-Times Hotel.
- (RHYTHMIC CREAKING)
- DOUGLAS: Is that what I think it is?
CONNIE: I hope it is just two of them.
Hi! I'm Kat.
Are you accusing me of stealing?
He didn't say stealing.
Well, at least someone's having
a worse holiday than us.
Agh! Ow!
I just feel like I'm losing you both.
Well, I don't want us to go home.
Amsterdam, then.
DOUGLAS: OK. Are you ready?
Let's give a Petersen family bonjour
to Belgium in three, two, one
now!
See? Belgium.
The Benelux -
Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg.
So
this is Belgium.
Hello, Belgium!
TANNOY ANNOUNCEMENT: Mesdames
and messieurs, ladies and gentlemen,
in a few minutes we will enter Belgium.
Dans quelques instants nous entrerons
en Belgique
Hmm, I'm not sure that's right.
In wenigen Augenblicken
wenn wir nach Belgien einreisen
Albie, I've just realised,
it's the Ardennes over there.
The Battle of the Ardennes,
where your great-grandfather died.
Look, just here, see?
- OK.
- German counter-attack
against the Allies.
Awful, terrible battle.
He's buried somewhere there.
We could have gone to the cemetery.
We could have got off at Brussels
and rented a car.
Hm.
Well, don't sound too keen, will you?
No.
I am.
It's justit's history, isn't it?
Well, yes.
Your family's history.
It's like a school trip,
except just me and two teachers.
Thank you, Albie!
I thought you'd be interested.
No, sure, it's just sort of difficult
to make an emotional connection
- to stuff that happened so long ago.
- "Emotional connection"!
It's not about emotion,
it's about my father's father, Albie.
Two generations ago, we'd have been
dive-bombed by Stukas by now!
Keep the voices down, please.
No-one's being dive-bombed by Stukas.
Do you always have to take his side?
I'm not taking sides!
I don't even understand what
you're arguing about.
He thinks I don't care enough
about the war.
- You don't!
- I know the history.
You're making me out to be ignorant.
I'm not.
I just don't think it's healthy
to fixate on.
You don't think about what that's like -
to be called up for the Army,
standing in the middle
of a Belgian forest,
dead of winter, scared half to death.
No phone to play with back then, Albie!
- You OK?
- Sorry.
I'm fine.
I am trying.
You can't expect him to have the same
interests as you because he's your son.
World War II is not passed down
on the father's side.
Not the same interests -
one interest, one thing,
one single shared point of view
or opinion.
But why?
You want to get to know him.
This is what he's like.
Ah, there you are!
I've just walked all the way
from Brussels!
Sorry about that.
We can go to the war cemetery
if you want.
No.
We've got too many other things planned.
Do you want something from the buffet?
It's a bit early in the day for Pringles,
but
Kinder Bueno?
- I'm not nine, Dad.
- No.
Very much aware of that.
DOUGLAS: You have to be careful of
the bikes because they have right of way.
No point spending money on a cab,
we'll walk. It's not far.
Now, we're staying in the Grachtengordel,
which is literally "the girdle of canals".
Like concentric - nice word -
concentric horseshoes.
Prinsengracht, Herengracht
and Keizersgracht.
Or is it Herengracht first?
ALBIE: Ah, look at the map!
I don't need the map!
Herengracht, then Keizersgracht,
then Prinsengracht.
Oh, you know it so well.
Well, I did a conference here.
Any wild stories?
Yeah, any wild stories, Douglas?
What happens at conference
stays at conference.
CONNIE AND ALBIE: Woohoo!
Let's just say it was a very productive
exchange of ideas.
It doesn't have to be a party city,
it's also a conference city,
perfectly civilised place.
Are you gonna spend the whole holiday
walking 12 steps ahead?
Nowhere we are, four stars.
Best behaviour, please.
(DUTCH ACCENT) We have some good news
here for you today, Mr and Mrs Petersen.
We have been able to upgrade you
to the honeymoon suite!
- Dad, did you book us into a brothel?
- Ha, it's not a brothel.
- It does seem quite sexual.
- No. It's just a nice boutique hotel.
Now, you're in Delta of Venus
and we're in Dangerous Liaisons.
- The Honeymoon Suite.
- Otherwise known as The Irony Suite.
Oh, I worry about baths in the bedroom.
All that steam.
Except it's not just a bath.
(JACUZZI CHURNS)
Look at those lights - sexy!
Sexy and noisy!
Maybe later, fire this up,
glass of Champagne?
How do you have sex
with your fingers in your ears?
What's that noise?
Your dad got us a Jacuzzi!
Dad, you dark horse.
I didn't ask for the Jacuzzi,
we just look like Jacuzzi types.
Yeah, maybe it's for lower-back pain -
it's an orthopaedic thing.
Yeah, we probably won't use it.
Definitely a brothel.
Let's get some fresh air
and some penicillin.
DOUGLAS: Nice milk!
Gets the physics of it just right,
doesn't he?
Liquids in motion.
Could almost drink it.
Or is this too corny for you?
Course not.
DOUGLAS: I think I'd be quite good
at art restoration.
What makes you say that?
I did that chest of drawers once.
- Yes, give him a bottle of white spirit.
- Nice fat paintbrush.
(CONNIE CHUCKLES)
Albie seems happier. Having a good time.
The trick, when having a good time,
is not to draw attention to the good time.
Hmm.
And you? Are you having a good time?
- He keeps missing the pictures.
- Oh, shh.
You know about art and photos and stuff.
Is he any good? Will he be OK?
Oh, God, Douglas, I don't know.
He might, he might not,
but it's what he's passionate about.
It's one thing being passionate about it,
it's another thing
actually earning a living.
Yes, I do know this.
He's only a kid. Give him time.
- He's taking a photo of his own shoe.
- Yes.
The Jewish Bride it's called,
though Rembrandt didn't call it that.
It's beautiful.
"One of the most touching depictions of
sensual and spiritual love in all of art,"
- it says here.
- So look at it.
Well, yes, it is lovely.
- He's getting a bit fresh, isn't he?
- Dad!
How do they know it's their wedding day?
Well, it's not the first date, is it?
Well, they could have been married
a while. They're getting on a bit.
Maybe it's the physicality of it.
(CONNIE LAUGHS)
CONNIE: So it'sh a little bit cockney
and a little bit shing-shong.
Sho, how did you enjoy
your cheeshe toashtie?
- That's very bad.
- We mustn't stay here too long.
Again, pleashe.
We mushn't shtay here too long.
That's amazing!
- That is very good.
- Well, you know.
- We can't go just yet.
- Seriously, though,
we're due at the Anne Frank House at five,
so if you want to see the tuli
Hello, Petersens!
Oh, Christ!
Dad!
- (KAT LAUGHS)
- Kat's here!
Well, that's a nice surprise.
You all right, Mr P?
Clutching away at your heart there?
Albie thought it'd be fun
to leap out on you.
Albie, you trickster.
Very nice to see you, Kat.
I'm stalking you, Mr P.
Can I call you Mr P?
Well, no-one ever has and I don't like it,
but
I said Kat could join us,
just for two days.
OK, well,
that might have been nice to
Albie says you've booked into
some sort of brothel.
It's not a brothel.
- It's a boutique hotel.
- Ohhh!
All the more reason
to check out the buffet.
Look, big pockets, Mr P.
But I totally get that
this is a family thing -
if you want it to be the three of you.
- We're very happy to have you here.
- ALBIE: Yes!
Albie says there's a strict itinerary.
- Where to next, Mr P?
- Tulips or something.
Quite touristy.
Well, we are tourists,
so that's what we're going to do.
And then it's the Anne Frank House,
but I'm afraid I only bought
three tickets, so
I'm sure they can squeeze me in.
I don't think so. It's very small,
that's the whole point.
OrI could show you the real Amsterdam.
No, no, we don't have time for the
real Amsterdam, we're seeing this one.
Museums are great,
but this is such a party city.
Yes, it doesn't have to be a party city.
Besides, I've pre-booked so
Actually, Kat says there's
this coffee shop she really likes.
So we might do that instead,
if that's OK?
- When we say "coffee shop", Mr P
- Yes, Kat, I know. You mean drugs.
There's your itinerary of course,
but you'd be totally welcome to join us.
- No, thanks, I don't think so
- OK. Let's do that.
- Yes! Connie!
- Oh, God, really
Well, we've been all day in a museum.
Let's have fun together and go tomorrow.
And you, Mr P?
I'm paranoid and anxious enough,
thanks, Kat.
How d'you know until you try?
Albie, you didn't invent these things.
Now, look, if we're gonna get to
the Anne Frank House in time
Oh, Christ, Dad,
even the Gestapo weren't this keen.
Oh, shut up, Albie, please!
Give us a minute, would you?
I think this is an opportunity to
join in and have fun.
- Be fun!
- What, by encouraging him to smoke drugs?
He's barely cogent half the time as it is!
Oh, Douglas!
I just want him to have a clean,
sharp mind and a clear head!
He's a teenage boy in Amsterdam,
I'd be more worried if he didn't want to.
You don't have to sanction it!
"Sanction" is a bit over the top.
We'd just be there to keep an eye on him.
Oh, you're doing it for safety reasons?
You're not just playing the cool parent.
I'm not playing anything!
Isn't it more sensible to watch over them
than not?
We might even have fun.
Fine.
Please stop making me out to be
some sort of killjoy.
I'm just being careful -
it's not caution, it's care.
I know what it is.
- OK, you go. I'll rearrange the tickets.
- No.
He might want you to come.
Don't be ridiculous.
Your father is very kindly gonna rearrange
- the booking for tomorrow.
- Oh, Mr P, you absolute star.
Yeah, well, just be sensible. Don't eat
the cookies, you can't control the dose.
I tried that once
and had a massive whitey.
"Massive whitey".
- You're sure you don't want to come?
- No.
You'll have more fun without me.
OK.
ALBIE: Is it down here?
KAT: Yeah, bottom of the street.
- (CONNIE) Come on.
- (ALBIE LAUGHS)
(PARTY CHATTER)
- So what are you working on?
- Oh, I'm not an artist.
I'm actually a biochemist!
A chemist! A biochemist!
I need a piss.
Do you know where the toilet is?
The toilet, yeah, I thought so.
Every time I tell somebody what I do,
they suddenly need to go to the toilet.
- What?
- It's like I'm a human diuretic!
What?
- Doesn't matter.
- We're going on somewhere.
- I said we'd meet them.
- I think I might head home.
- OK! Shall I come?
- No, you stay.
- You'll have more fun without me.
- What?
I said, "You'll have more fun without me!"
OK.
See you later.
Well, you could contradict me.
OK. Is that why you said it, as a test?
- No.
- Then why don't you stay?
(DOUGLAS GRUNTS)
Douglas, if you don't tell me
what's wrong, I'll just have to guess.
Why do we never go out with your friends?
We are literally out with my friends!
And all those other times,
all those parties?
I would love you to come out
but I don't think you'd enjoy it!
I'd spoil your fun.
You wouldn't have fun,
which means I wouldn't have fun.
Hey, I come back every night to you,
because I love it, the two of us.
So you're not even the tiniest
bit embarrassed?
To be with you? That's ridiculous. I'm not
remotely embarrassed, I love you.
Well
that was a first.
Yeah, it just sort of slipped out.
So
do you want to go home
or stay and have fun?
Thanks.
Sho I checked the guide book and it turns
out it is a party shity after all and
(NORMAL VOICE) I don't really want to
be on my own,
so let's go wild, within reason.
Erm, call me or text me or
Ugh, the problem with this city is,
there too many fucking bikes, erm
just let me know where you are, OK?
- Oh, get off!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
(SPEAKS DUTCH)
Sorry. I'm sorry I didn't realise
- it was your bike
- (SPEAKS DUTCH)
- (SPEAKS DUTCH)
- So sorry.
There are just so many bikes
Ja, and this one is my bike!
Yeah, sorry, you speak very good English.
- Yeah, I speak English! Fucking tourist!
- Erm
(SPEAKS DUTCH)
Dipshit.
(VOICEMAIL) Hi, this is Albie,
I can’t get to the phone right now,
but leave a message
and I’ll text you back, or whatever.
Albie! Just to say - I am very, very keen
to get this party started.
So, call me, doesn't matter how late.
(CHEERING AND LAUGHTER)
DOUGLAS: Fucking bikes.
Sorry. Call me, text me.
Let me know where you are, I'll find you.
Your dad wants to know where we are.
I got that too.
He's keen to get this party started.
Well, we should tell him.
Oh, he's making an effort, Albie.
I know you can see the veins pulsing
in his forehead, but he's doing his best.
Fine. I'll do it.
Oh, would you? I'd love that.
He'd love that too.
(PARTY MUSIC)
Erm
I wonder, do you have anything
that might help me just relax?
(WATER BUBBLES)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
(DOOR OPENS)
CONNIE: Hey. Don't let me wake you up.
- Oh.
- (DOUGLAS MUMBLES)
Go back to sleep.
You woke me up to tell me
to go back to sleep?
- I thought you'd be pleased to see me.
- Hmm.
- Open your eyes.
- Hmm.
- Open.
- Hmm.
- Open.
- There!
- Was the party fun?
- Nah.
Too old for that stuff on a weekday.
Or a weekend.
Prefer it here.
Let's never go anywhere again.
- You too, by the way.
- Me too what?
That thing you said earlier.
Oh? Go on.
- Well, you too.
- No!
What do you mean, no?
"You too" is not the same,
you have to say the words.
- You can't make me.
- I can. It's easy.
- Take it one word at a time.
- No.
Go on. Start with I
- Iam going to sleep.
- No.
- L, make the L sound.
- Night.
- Go on. Say it. Say it.
- I love you.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- CONNIE: Hey.
Hey! Don't wake up.
Go back to sleep.
Oh! (CONNIE LAUGHS)
Why do they have so many pillows?
Fun?
Oh, in a teenage kind of way.
Should have been there.
We went to a club, we danced.
I thought I was too old for that stuff.
- Did you get my messages?
- Mmm.
Albie texted you back.
Maybe, you know, Europe.
Yeah, that'll be it.
What did you get up to?
Drank - alone -
smashed up a stranger's bike,
got stoned, then Jacuzzi.
(CONNIE CHUCKLES)
I did miss you, both of you.
You were right, I should have come.
Maybe if I'd been more spontaneous -
I know I'm not supposed
to talk about this,
but maybe if we'd done more things
together, gone out more,
all of us, over the years
instead of being too tired
or too busy
You asleep?
Connie?
Probably wouldn't make any difference,
but I do regret not being more
light-hearted.
And I do love you.
Can I still say that?
Whatever happens, I do.
The both of you.
You're asleep.
It's OK.
Na-night.
The moment I crack that egg,
I will throw up.
- I know. My own fault.
- HOTEL GUEST: And then Charlie,
he starts waving his cash in his face
and he says, "But it's the law!
You've got to take us! It's the law!"
(RAUCOUS LAUGHTER)
Who talks that loudly
at this time of the morning?
Oh, here he is.
Go easy, please.
- Sorry we're a little late.
- No, it's fine.
It's just we're due at the Van Gogh Museum
in ten minutes.
(PLATES CLATTER)
- (LAUGHTER)
- I'll go get started.
HOTEL GUEST: Hey, hey, what are you
going to do about this?
Thanks for letting me
know where you were last night.
Albie sent a text.
Maybe it got lost.
Yeah, probablyEurope.
HOTEL GUEST: That's no good.
That's dirty.
WAITRESS: Here.
It's a suit - it needs dry-cleaning.
- Don't be an arsehole, man.
- I beg your pardon?
I think perhaps it might be worth having
a conversation about Kat.
- Do we have to do this now?
- I think we do.
She's a lovely bright girl.
KAT: It was an accident!
But this was meant to be our holiday -
the three of us.
Who knows when it will happen again?
Now, I am being very calm.
- What's going on?
- It's OK, just go sit down.
Stay the fuck out of it.
And you, clean my suit!
(DRINK SPLASHES)
(ANGRY COMMOTION)
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Let's all calm Just calm
Dad, I am calm.
He's the one who started it.
I'm sure whatever
You're not listening!
Why don't you listen?!
Because you're behaving like an idiot!
Er, I'm sorry, everyone,
I'd like to apologise for my son.
Er, I have no idea why he's being
so stupid. Erm, I'm sorry.
We, er
Can we, er
I'll, er Sorry.
- KAT: Albie
- Yeah, go on, fuck off out of here!
DOUGLAS: Any word?
CONNIE: Nope!
I'm sure he'll turn up.
We'll see him at the hotel.
We must hurry. We'll be late!
- How could you do that?
- What?
Call our son an idiot!
- I did not.
- I heard you! Everyone heard you!
I meant that his behaviour
was idiotic, and it was.
Why did you apologise?
Sorry?
To those awful men, you said,
"I'd like to apologise for our son."
Because he was throwing orange juice
He was sticking up for Kat and he was
sticking up for that poor waitress,
and you acted like you were embarrassed.
I was embarrassed!
He was trying to start a fight
- You held his arms!
- I did not!
I was trying to calm him down!
You should have stood up for him!
I did!
No, you said, and I quote,
"I would like to apologise for my son."
So? He's always acting as if
I embarrass him!
Because he's 17 years old!
And even if he was in the wrong,
when that guy went for Albie,
you should've stood up for him,
you should've punched him in the face!
Oh, yes! You're right!
I should have fought them all!
- All three of them!
- Yes!
They could have kicked the shit out of you
and I would have wanted to kiss you,
but you saw the suit and tie
and then you apologised for your own son
when he was doing the right thing!
Fine.
Point taken.
- Now can we get on?
- No!
I can't do this journey any more.
It's unbearable.
It was your idea!
And I was wrong and you were right!
Is that what you wanted to hear?
I was wrong, wrong, wrong! Happy now?
- So why did you suggest it?
- I don't know.
Maybe I thoughtmaybe I thought,
"He can change, clearly he wants to.
"Maybe we can find some spark,
some flicker of life or fun
"or empathy or imagination or passion.
"Maybe I'll recognise some tiny trace
element of the man I fell in love with!"
That is exactly
what I am trying to show you!
But it's gone, Douglas! It's out!
I've tried, I swear.
The reason I can't love you is,
because it's you!
I'll see you when we check out.
(DOOR OPENS)
Erm, clearly
it's taking me a while
to settle into the holiday rhythm.
Still, I don't think
we should give up just yet.
Douglas, it's too late.
- No, hear me out
- No, I mean
it's too late.
ALBIE: Dear Mum, dear Dad,
I appreciate the money and the effort,
but I feel like the grand tour
isn't quite working out, so I've gone.
I'm sorry if I've let you down,
but I feel at the moment
I can't do anything right,
and that's not much of a holiday for me.
I can't face going home either,
so I've decided to head off with Kat
for a while.
We're not sure where,
somewhere in Europe.
Please don't worry.
Like you said,
I'm old enough to do what I want.
Maybe you two can carry on the tour.
I don't know what's going on,
but clearly you need some time together.
The one thing I do ask is, please don't
try and get in touch. I won't answer.
Just give me time to think
and work things out.
I might stay with Kat, I might not. I'll
be back in touch when the time is right.
Ah, buongiorno,
my name is Mr Petersen.
We have a reservation at your hotel,
but our plans have changed
Mum, don't worry.
And Dad, I'm sorry if I disappoint you.
See you whenever. Albie.
He's probably on a train somewhere
or making plans with friends.
He's got a little money,
he can always busk.
That doesn't reassure me.
Look, we should wait on the platform.
Let's keep going.
We'll worry just as well in Munich
as at home.
Maybe he'll come back
and we'll finish the tour.
No. It was a mistake.
Let's get back and get on with it.
Going home.
I don't think I could bear it.
Well, what's your plan, then?
Would the two of us
just keep getting on trains,
roaming round Europe and avoiding
the truth for the rest of our lives?
I think I'd prefer that.
And when the money runs out?
I don't know.
We could busk.
What do we tell people?
Neighbours, people at work.
We're back three weeks early.
We don't even have any photographs.
No-one wants to see our photographs.
But they might notice our son is missing.
I don't know, Douglas.
Tell them the truth.
(PHONE RINGS)
0039. It's Italy.
He can't be in Italy yet.
- Hello?
- Buongiorno, Mr Petersen.
- Hotel San Bibiana.
- Hotel confirmation. I'll tell them.
Er, sí?
We spoke a moment ago?
About the reservation.
I don't think so.
About the possibility
of moving it forward
- (PHONE RINGS)
- Oh!
CONNIE: No, it's fine,
I'll carry all the luggage myself.
- Connie, I know where Albie is.
- What?
That phone call was from our hotel in
Venice, about moving the reservation.
OK, so?
But I didn't call the hotel,
so it must have been Albie.
He's on his way to Venice,
so I'm gonna go and find him.
- You're not. The train's about to leave.
- Not to Munich.
I've still got the ticket.
I get in at dawn, I get the train
to Italy, I'll be there at ten.
- But he doesn't want to see you!
- He doesn't now, but he will do.
And clearly, we can't leave things
as they stand.
But even if you find him,
even if he is in Venice, Douglas
Any mistakes I've made, I'm gonna put them
right and I'm gonna bring him back home.
But think about it. It isn't practical.
I've got my passport, money.
I've got everything I need.
Just don't let on I'm coming.
I want it to be a surprise.
Oh! Oh, well, it will be a surprise.
What am I supposed to tell everyone?
I suppose tell them the truth.
I'm looking for our son.
(TAPPING ON GLASS)
DOUGLAS: A moment of quiet, please,
er, because I'd like
- to pass you on to my wife.
- (CHEERING)
Now what can I say about Douglas Petersen?
Well, the first thing to say
is that ever since I met him,
he's been a constant source of support
and inspiration and love
WEDDING GUEST: Aw!
and jokes too - often terrible jokes.
But he makes me laugh and there's
no-one else I'd rather be with,
except perhaps this person here!
(LAUGHS) Whwhy am I saying "person"?
It's a girl.
- (CHEERING)
- Are you happy now?
It's a girl! And I can't wait for it
to be the three of us,
cos I know he is gonna be
an exceptional father too.
So please raise your glasses to
my husband!
(ROMANTIC MUSIC)
Hello, husband.
Hello, wife.
Feel any different?
Not particularly.
Trapped, confined, jaded,
looking for a way out?
Hmm, sore feet, that's all.
Still
early days.
DOUGLAS: Grazie.
- You requested room 14.
- That's the one, yes.
- And room 15 also.
- For my son, yes, when he comes.
I will get someone to help you
with the luggage.
I have no luggage.
- You must have luggage.
- No.
My journey's spontaneous.
Is there somewhere nearby
for the immediate purchase
- of clothes, shoes, underwear?
- Certainly.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- I can show you.
- I have a maphere.
You have no luggage, but you have a map.
It's a long story.
Would you like to, erm?
Oh. My key stopped working. Room 9.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Grazie.
Just let me know if my son turns up.
If he phones again, tell him to come now,
but don't tell him that I'm here too.
It's a surprise.
And if Mrs Petersen arrives?
Oh, she had to return to England.
She wasn't feeling well.
(BELL RINGS)
DOUGLAS: So we're here
near the Arsenale,
and we are going to walk this way,
to the Accademia Bridge,
then head east,
along the Grand Canal.
You can't draw on a map! It's a betrayal
of everything you believe in.
Well, I'm glad you brought that up,
Connie, because
this is a very special deluxe
laminated, wipeable map.
God help me.
See? By what strange witchcraft?
Too many of your possessions are wipeable.
Er
Oh
does it not come off?
(PHONE RINGS)
- Hello, Connie?
- Have you found him?
No, no, not yet.
Just wanted to say I'd arrived safely,
in case you were interested.
It'd be nice to be in Venice.
Really? Because yesterday you said
the idea was unbearable.
I just mean Oh, let's not do that.
- How is it there?
- Well, it's very quiet.
I've decided to go into hiding
from the neighbours.
I'm eating weird things
from the back of the freezer.
Are you having more fun without me there?
Oh. I see. You do want to do that.
No-one holding you back, or suffocating
you, no limits, no restrictions?
Is that why you called?
No.
No, I'm just very tired.
Wellgo to bed. We'll talk tomorrow.
But tell me, were you
Were you always looking for a way out?
Was that what the marriage was for you,
just 20 years of waiting to jump?
No.
I know I'm not the most
What is it?
emotionally intelligent,
but it never seemed like that to me.
Because it wasn't.
So when did that start?
I can't provide a date and time.
Was it being a parent?
Did wedid I
do something wrong?
Things change.
Look, we're tired. You're angry.
Let's not talk about this now.
I hope you find him.
CONNIE: Hmm!
DOUGLAS: We should get back. Can you walk?
Do you think we're gonna be
any good at it?
What?
Being parents.
I don't see why not.
(SCOFFS) Frankly, when you see some
of the idiots that get away with it
Exactly.
How hard can it be?
I think we're going to be all right.
Strict but fair.
Except not at all strict.
Wella little strict.
Sometimes.
- Douglas. Douglas?
- Mmm?
CONNIE: Can you feel that?
It's happening.
- My waters have broken.
- No, it can't be. It's too soon.
Can we agree, in this situation
at least, that I might be right?
Here!
I know.
It's too soon.
No, it's not too soon,
it's, er, just a little bit early.
It's fine.
- OK.
- I have a folder here,
it has all the information, there's
a birth plan, the letters and scans.
- (CONNIE MOANS)
- There's a CD of relaxing music in there.
Ooh, fucking, fucking hell!
She's at 34 weeks
but she's having contractions
- Oh, here comes another one!
- every seven minutes.
- That's every seven minutes.
- Oh, Douglas, fucking hell!
- Did I swear at you?
- You did.
A lot.
So much for that CD.
Yeah, that was a waste of time.
I think even the midwives
were taken aback.
Don't take it personally.
She's so tiny.
You were excited to come out, weren't you?
Yeah, she wanted to get on with things.
Get started.
(BELL CHIMES)
Another early bird.
- Do you mind if I?
- No, of course. I'm sorry. Miles away.
Cake or cheese.
Italian food is marvellous,
but I can't help thinking
they've never quite mastered breakfast.
Well, look at that.
That's quite a map you've got there.
Well, if ever a city demanded a good map,
it is Venice.
- You heart Venice.
- Hm?
You heart Venice.
I'm sorry, I don't know what that
Oh, this.
It's all I could find yesterday.
- It is awful, isn't it?
- No.
So, have you been here before?
20 years ago.
Ah, it must have changed
a great deal in that time.
Yeah.
Excuse me?
All the new developments.
- The skyscrapers.
- Oh.
I see, yes.
(ENUNCIATES CLEARLY)
Back then, it was not even flooded
- May I say something?
- Mm.
You don't have to talk like that.
I will understand
if you just speak normally.
- I'm sorry.
- Oh.
Of course.
Your English is beautiful. (CHUCKLES)
(TOGETHER) - So, did you have the?
- Well, I must go
No, sorry, you were saying.
I've just got a lot of ground to cover
- Ah.
- so
Bye-bye.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Er, and if you see him here.
We will call you.
But make sure you don't
- Tell him you are here.
- It's a surprise.
- I understand.
- Thank you.
(CELLO MUSIC)
Er, scusi, I'm looking for this person
(MUSIC OVER CONVERSATION)
(MUSIC OVER CONVERSATION)
It's quite normal to get lost here.
In fact, you're meant to.
Oh, hello.
I'm Freja.
I'm Douglas.
Yes, I'm not actually lost.
It's a very long story.
So imagine you've got two mice in a maze
wandering around separately,
random left and right.
And it's not a regular maze,
it's got narrow alleys and dead ends
and wide spaces, and it's big,
proportionally big as, well, Venice,
and you want the mice to meet.
Now, is it better
for one of the mice to sit still
in the hope that the other passes by
or for both to wander at random?
I think it will be best to wander,
but not at random.
Exactly! Random is never random anyway.
Cities are like supermarkets or art
galleries, and there's a natural route.
You don't go down the back alley
that smells of wee,
you go past the bakery
- that smells of fresh bread
- That's true.
and so does everyone else
and you follow the herd.
Now, it takes about 90 minutes
to do the most popular circuit,
- so if I go round and round
- All day?
about six or seven times, I stand
a chance of finding the other mouse.
Orone mouse could phone the other
and arrange to meet.
Unfortunately, that's not an option.
Oh, I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to pry.
Oh, it's fine.
The whole thing's so eccentric.
The more I think about it,
the more impossible it seems.
Except I bumped into you.
You did.
Are you here with anyone?
Me? No, erm, by myself.
Just sightseeing, celebrating my divorce.
- I'm sorry.
- No, it was best for both of us. It's
Ah, that's the cliché, isn't it?
Your wife?
Oh, she had to return early.
Family reasons.
Well, I should carry on.
Yes, I am off to the Accademia, so
- Can I get this?
- No, my treat.
- Good luck with your quest.
- Well, thank you.
No time to lose.
Excuse me?
(MUSIC OVER CONVERSATION)
CONNIE:
I've sent emails, I've sent texts -
"Please call, we're not angry,
we just need to know you're OK,
"just send a word or two
for our piece of mind."
It's almost as if he deliberately
wants me to feel bad.
I know. Imagine.
Nothing on his Facebook page either.
- I thought he kept you out of that.
- Albie2001.
What's that?
His password. I'm his mother.
Ah, looks like my feet have exploded
inside my shoes.
Connie, you're not letting the dog
sit on the sofa, are you?
Of course not.
- He'll get into the habit.
- What's the hotel like?
(LAUGHS) I didn't want to tell you.
The one we went to on our honeymoon.
(LAUGHS) Yeah, I remember.
Very gloomy. All that old furniture.
Even the towels are the same.
Same cake for breakfast?
Cake or cheese. (LAUGHS)
What a stupid idea that was.
Sentimental, I suppose.
It's OK to come home.
He's definitely here, Connie.
Well, how do you know?
I can feel it.
Well, that's because you want it.
What's that called? Confirmation bias.
D'you think I've gone mad?
Yeah, a little bit mad.
Think you might be right.
Not sure if it's a nervous breakdown
or a midlife crisis,
or an intriguing cocktail of the two.
Well
I miss you.
You too.
DOUGLAS: You've got to face the truth.
Anyone can paint, Albie,
anyone can take a photograph.
The whole world is a photographer now.
And the environment you're going
into, the work environment
Well, I just want you to be a success.
Well, Mum thinks I can be a success!
My teacher says
Well, of course Mike says that,
he doesn't have to pay the fees!
The problem with telling people they
can do whatever they want
is that it isn't true!
Wanting something doesn't work!
Life has limits, it just does!
Christ!
Success comes to people who work hard
at things that are difficult!
- And I want you to be a success.
- Like you?
Would that be so bad?
The future is frightening, Albie.
It is so frightening,
and I want you to have skills
that will help you survive,
andcolouring in, taking your snaps,
it's not gonna do it!
So, basically, I should be scared?
- Albie
- Base everything I do on fear
because I have no talent?
I just think it's a mistake
to believe that you're special.
(BREATHES RAGGEDLY)
DOUGLAS: I was there! I walked past there
six times yesterday!
- Ma moglie è così bella.
- No, grazie.
Says you have a beautiful wife.
Didn't you get my message?
He's gone, Douglas.
He's already moved on.
No, no, this is no good!
My bag! My bag is on the train!
(SHOUTS) Fuck!