Astrid and Lilly Save the World (2022) s01e03 Episode Script

Previously on Astrid
and Lilly Save the World.
I love us.
I love us too, Lil.
- You're a monster
- Check out a mirror.
Oh, shit, I'm gonna die
at the hands of a hottie with a body.
I'm Brutus. Long story short
a portal to another dimensin was opened.
Sort of "end of the
world" type situation.
It makes sense. It's furniture lady.
Oh, my God!
Who have you been
taking orders from anyway?
Brutus?
I know you're up to somethin.
I just don't know what
it s yet but I think
it has something to do
wih the solar system.
Two down, eight to go.
Oh, I officially hate everything I own.
Come on, we're gonna be late.
Okay, you look fine.
Who are you trying to impress, anyway?
Oh, nothing, no one!
Uh, why would you even say that?
Let's just go.
Hooah.
How did you get in here?
What the hell, Brutus?!
That was a test.
And you failed.
You have to learn how
to conquer your fears.
Eight monsters between the both of you
and the closing of the portal?
You have to always be ready.
Good news is
the rest of your powers
should be kicking in soon.
- Wait, the rest of them?
- Yeah.
Ohh! Do we get to be, like, invisible?
I've always wanted to be able to fly.
I just want the vinegar
vomit smell to stop.
Yeah, no, that's still gonna be there.
But your hearing and your sight
should be increasing.
I guess that's cool.
Oh, the better to spy on Sparrow.
Oh, and your leg?
It is gradually gonna
get stronger, so
Wait
just the one leg?
Wow. Awesome.
Just be careful, you
know, with your powers.
They're really unpredictable.
They are tied to the portal,
which is a literal
rip in time and space,
so, you know, not the most
stable.
Hm.
Uh, hey, this is private!
Oh, I'm I'm cool. I'm cool.
I love, uh Tay-Tay
and, uh
Penises.
Oh! And what's this?
Who are these jerks at school?
Of course you can get a boyfriend.
Hey!
Hey, that's that's me!
All right! Time to go.
It's time to go!
Uh, Brutus almost saw
everything.
God damn it, Brutus!
Conquer your fear.
Always be ready.
Ohh
I wanted to drink this.
Is it just me,
or does the whole Brutus
training feel super random?
I mean, I know he's
supposed to be the expert,
but the whole thing is kinda
- Kinda suss?
- Yeah.
And now we're late.
Brutus didn't mention
any new monsters.
Maybe we get the day off?
Oh, my God! Brutus, give it a rest!
Oh, God, oh God.
What the hell was that?
Oh, my God!
First, I find a gray hair this morning
and now Jonas is a no-show.
My birthday week is ruined.
- Maybe he's just late?
- I had a whole plan!
Bottomless margs at Maria's Cantina
and then I was finally
gonna close that hottie.
Boo.
What if he saw the gray hair
and now he's avoiding me?
Oh, my God, are you
kiddin? You look amazing.
Well, of course you
think I look amazing;
you're so much older than me.
If you still wanna get
marg, I'm free tonight.
I know what will make me feel better.
Today we're playing dodgeball!
Oh, dodgeball.
Classic. The bruises are temporary
but the emotional scars last a lifetime.
Hey, what's wrong?
I can't. I can't.
Where do you think you're going?
Nurse's office.
I have flu
cramps.
Nice try.
There is no such thing as flu cramps.
You, over there.
Okay, let's go.
Ah, ah, ah, na! You.
Over there.
You, there.
You, there.
You, there.
No, you there.
Ready or not
here we go!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, ow.
Ooh.
Ow, stop.
Astrid!
Ow!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
They can't keep hitting her
after she's out!
Dodgeball is survival of the fittest.
She should try being fitter.
Or a smaller target.
Oh, my God.
Ow.
Ooh!
Hey, are you okay?
Like, what happened back there?
Dodgeball PTSD.
Second grade,
Ben Blake hit me in the face.
I got this, like, huge nosebleed.
Then I peed my pants.
Ah! Big yikes.
Every time I see that red ball
it's like I'm seven years old again.
Express train to meltdown city.
What is it?
I think maybe my super
hearing kicked in?
If you jump out at us again,
I will murder you.
You weren't here the whole time, right?
What? No, ew!
No, I'm not some sort of creeper.
Anyway, we have to talk.
Another monster's come
through the portal.
Hm. We figured.
Well, that giant snake tail and all.
Oh, yeah.
But it's so much more
than just a giant sn
Good morning,
Ferrets!
Pep rally at lunch!
Yeah, ah, ah!
Go, Ferrets!
Did Brutus just bail?
What the hell!
What did he say?
He said it was more than just a snake,
like
Well, that's helpful!
Ahh
You're okay. It's going to be fine.
Almost there.
Hey, Christine.
He has blessed us
with a beautiful day, hasn't he?
- Hm.
- So, little favour:
I see you're scheduled for
the rec room tonight, again,
but I was wondering,
since I'm in charge of the
building for Habitat
Oh! Bless your heart.
I-I would love to!
But, unfortunately,
I do have that room booked,
again.
All month, actually.
If you're at peace
with putting your needs
above those of the dispossessed,
I'm sure you're right.
I'm always right, Tom.
If that's the path
you're comfortable with,
- Because that's absolutely
- Oh, oh, no! Uh-oh.
What's happening?
Talk later, then!
Hm, I see you're digging my new decor!
So, before we talk about monster stuff,
we kind of
What's your deal?
My deal?
Yeah. We have questions.
Uh, we just wanted to know
where you're from,
why you know all this stuff,
why you're helping us.
Whether you're telling us the truth.
Where is this coming from?
Well
Before we killed Razor,
she kinda said some stuff.
You listened to Razor?
Well, she might've been
a murderous hellbeast
with a hankering for teen boy meat,
but she had a point:
we don't know anything about you.
Okay, guys, guys
there's a monster out there
that could be killing someone
as we speak.
But, sure, we could
spend the whole night
talking about me. That's fine by me.
You're right.
Astrid?
Fine.
Hm.
The creature is called a Timoring.
It's a shapeshifter that manifests
as someone's worst fear,
and kills them with it,
before moving onto its next victim.
That sounds terrible.
- Mm-hm
- How do we kill it?
Um, not ideal.
The Timoring is
only vulnerable
when confronted with its own
worst fear.
Otherwise, it's
pretty much unkillable.
And that fear would be what?
Huh?
Um, it's not
specified, unfortunately.
But that's when your
detective know-how comes in.
I have every confidence.
That makes one of us.
And when the Tim's done and dusted,
all you need to do is get
its amygdala for the orb.
- Ew.
- All right, come on.
Happy hunting!
Okay, it's not here!
Do you want to go for another lap?
Well, we've been at this for hours.
If I don't get home soon,
my mom's gonna freak.
Okay, let's call it.
We can regroup, start again tomorrow.
Thank you.
Okay, okay, okay.
Sh, sh, sh.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, Jesus.
- Yeah, okay.
Come on.
Sh, sh, sh, sh.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Oh Oh, my God.
It's that substitute teacher!
Oh, my God. We're too late!
Is that a snake fang?
No.
You are hot.
You are sexy and just
Mm! You are so hot.
Be hot. You're hot.
You're hot. You're just
Hot.
Up late?
You know those all-night Xena binges
are bad for your sleep.
Oh, it wasn't Xena's fault;
it was my stupid subconscious.
I was trapped in a
stress-induced nightmare loop,
playing dodgeball with a giant snake.
Ugh.
Yeah, I can't stop thinking
about that poor substitute.
- Ah! Ow!
- Oh!
What's that for?
Oh, I don't know. I didn't mean to.
- It's a monster!
- It's here!
Oh, shit
Oh, I hope it's not some snake.
Oh, my God!
You're hot.
You're sexy.
Yeah.
It has to be close.
But how do we find it?
You're hot.
Happy birthday
- Yes, you are.
- To
you
That was easier than I thought!
Okay.
No
- Come on!
- No!
Make a wish!
Blow out your candles!
No.
Goodbye, 20s
Hello, early menopause!
Hey, back off, creepshow!
I have a super-leg
of indeterminate strength,
and I'm not afraid to use it!
You go, Lilly, with your bad self!
- Very intimidating!
- Yes.
Sorry
Didn't know anyone was in here.
I need to grease the hinges.
I'll-I'll-I'll come back.
Uh, it's okay.
The scary clown is gone.
What kind of sick freak
would do something like that?
Do people actually think I'm 30!?
Well, that took an unexpected turn.
I'm not going to be 30
for another two years!
No, wait, no, wait:
four years!
I'm only 26.
It's okay; I-I'd still card you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're very young,
like a little ol' baby.
Yeah?
- Come on, we gotta go.
- Yeah.
What the hell happened?
Did we scare it off somehow?
No idea!
I wonder where he went?
Let's go.
This is Maggie
from Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.
Here we go!
If I had thought
that you would never,
never,
never make love to me again
why, I would go
downstairs to the kitchen,
and I would pick out the longest
and the sharpest knife that I could find
and I would stick it
straight into my heart!
- I swear I would!
- Boo!
Hello?
Hello?
Oh.
Oh, Brick!
How long does it have to go on for?
This punishment?
Haven't I done time enough,
haven't I served my term,
can't I apply for
for a pardon?
- Boo!
- Okay. Rude!
You suck!
Boo!
Excuse me?
Yes, child! What'd you
do? Break your leg?
Okay, seriously!
You-you, Valerie!
You don't even deserve
to be in a theater!
It has to be around here somewhere.
We just saw it!
Aw, oh! My leg!
Oh, oh, my God.
It's attacking again!
Help! Somebody
help me! Somebody help me!
Okay, go, go, go!
I've never seen anything
quite so wooden.
No, I don't even know you.
You should be banned!
Oh-ho-ho
Wha-what happened?
I was
I was practicing my monologue
and then, all of a sudden,
they were-they were throwing
things at me and they
they said
they said I was a bad actor.
Well, where did they go?
I don't know. I
They disappeared when
I got into the cafeteria.
I don't know
Disappeared again?
Hella weird.
Oh, my God.
I don't get it.
We saw it kill when it was a snake.
But why did it stop
with Michelle and Val?
There's a pattern here.
I-I know there is.
How are my two favorite
hunters this fine evening?
Oh, my God, you gotta stop doing that!
Oh, my God.
What, it's part of my
very important training.
You know that. I mean,
don't you trust me?
I mean, why should we?
We don't know anything about you.
Wow. Okay.
You guys are still hung up on this, huh?
I mean, you are a monster.
A-a nice monster.
But a monster, nonetheless.
Why are you so invested in
helping us close the portal?
Fair enough.
I come from a long line
of interdimensional
monster-hunter mentors
as part of an organization
called The Portal Protectorate.
Agents are trained from hatchlings
to monitor the borders between worlds,
and to step in
if there's a breach.
- Hm.
- It's all very official.
Oh, we even have badges.
Very trustworthy.
Oh! Cute photo.
Thanks.
Hm.
Well, I get why a breach is bad for us,
but
why does the protectorate thing
care if a few humans get
turned into monster kibble?
They don't.
As such. They care about portals.
Portals weaken the
architecture of the universe.
If left unchecked, if there's
too many open at once,
it could cause the
whole cosmos to collapse
resulting in
painful death and destruction,
bodies flipping inside out;
organs just popping
Okay.
So, then, why did you
bail on us at school today?
Because of the monster.
Hm?
The giant furry thing?
The ferret?
Yeah.
That's the school mascot.
Why would a school make
a monster its mascot?
Hm?
And to expose children to that thing?
I don't understand
this dimension, like, at all.
Anyway, I leave the Timoring
in your very capable hands.
You guys got this.
Well,
I guess we know what
Brutus is afraid of.
Now we just need to figure out
what gives Tim the heebie-jeebies.
That was beautiful!
I actually felt that one.
Now,
let's go be youth warriors!
Get those recruit numbers up!
Again?
Brutus? Annoying!
Hey, dorks.
Gosh, I am sorry
to interrupt your little evening.
We're gonna be out of
your hair in a jiff.
I'm not going to force Astrid
to go if she doesn't want to.
Oh, that's adorable, but,
unfortunately,
I have a note from Astrid's mom
granting me permission to take her.
Helen just wants to make sure
that her daughter is on the right path.
You know,
balance out any
bad influences.
I'm almost impressed.
You guys keep finding new depths of
loser.
Oh, it's the Timoring. It found us!
Nope! Just terrible people
entering our most sacredest space.
How can you be sure?
No monster reek.
Just this biznatch's Bath & Body Works.
By the way, you smell like
a rancid fruit roll-up.
Cute pic.
Is that your imaginary boyfriend?
What are you even doing here?
Youth Group is doing our annual lock-in.
Astrid's coming with.
Over my dead body.
Chill.
We have snacks.
It's okay.
I'll go.
Anything to get you asshats to GTFO.
So, what are we up to tonight?
Pound a few beers, then hit the clubs?
It's a surprise.
Oh, my God.
Hey.
Hey.
Where do you think you're going
at this hour, young lady?
Ah, just saving Astrid from youth group.
Okay.
Don't be too late, kiddo.
Thanks.
'Night!
Goodnight.
Welcome, all.
We are so lucky to have you.
You are about to embark
on a very special journey.
I'm sorry, Astrid, is there
something you want to say?
I just have a feeling that
what you call "special,"
I call "less fun than waterboarding."
Well, thank you for your input.
Hm.
As I was saying
on this journey
you are going to be forced
to confront your sin
and your depravity.
Like, I don't know, a-a smart mouth,
or a complete lack of
respect for authority.
But, first,
I'm going to have to
take all of your phones.
Can't have any false idols
getting in the way
of your spiritual progress!
Whose is that?
Oh, ha!
My bad. That's me.
It is right There it is.
Okay, T-T-Y-L.
Okay. Sorry, where were we?
Oh false idols.
Hand them over.
Hm.
Good girl.
Now
let's get this show on the road.
Sweetie, you're first.
We are holy hostages.
Yeah, like in Jesus jail.
Only Christine could come up
with something this perverse.
Oh!
Does anybody else smell that?
No.
Shit! The Timoring strikes again.
Oh, my God.
Oh.
What?
Oh!
training exercise
valuable problem-solving skills?
Car back together?
I am going to murder him!
So, uh
Never mind.
What a weird-ass day.
First I get attacked by giant bees,
and then I get kidnapped
by youth groupies.
Can't wait to see what happens next.
Giant bees?
Yeah.
Like, how giant?
Like, football size.
Just totally insane.
Huh.
Maybe you were seeing things?
Oh, I-I was definitely seeing things.
I was high as balls.
Oh!
Hmm.
Your turn.
Oh?
Are you serious?
Don't touch me, man!
I'll be back for you later.
I gotta get us outta here.
Hold on, Astrid, I'm coming!
Oh! Cool!
Whoo!
Uh
What's happening?
Ah!
Ah, damn you, Brutus,
or Portal Protectorate,
or whatever you are!
Biking was easier
without this stupid super-leg!
Ho
Okay.
Ooh, I'm Sparrow.
Look at my black nail
polish. I'm so edgy.
Do you actually think you look cool?
It's like you fell into
the bargain bin at Hot Topic.
Your parents think
you're a worthless freak
who'll never amount to anything.
That's why they sent you here.
Oh, yes!
Ah, sweet!
Okay.
Holy crap.
I can see through floors now?
Who's Christine talking to?
It's working.
I am
Becoming.
That makes me so happy, my angel.
If you're happy,
I'm happy.
You are one of the special ones.
Some of us are special,
some of us are not.
Jonas was not.
About that, um
I'm getting a-a scooch concerned
about the whole Jonas situation.
Ah, not that I would
ever doubt your plans,
oh, infallible one.
I-I am so grateful for
your divine intervention.
I-it's just
people will start to ask questions.
And those questions could lead to
investigations.
I see.
Gather up some parchment.
Compose a letter from
Jonas that he has left
to find his fortunes elsewhere.
Our work is too important
to be interrupted by mortal authorities.
And
what is our work
exactly?
We're going to create a brave
new world to our liking,
together,
you and I.
And I'll need some
recruits for our work.
Can you handle that?
That's my specialty.
Ho
Nice dismount.
So graceful.
Of course you're here!
Like I have a choice?
You've met my mom.
Yeah, she's, um
A raging she-devil.
Well, I wasn't going to say that
to your face, heh.
You come here to rescue your other half?
Uh, yes.
Well, you're just in time.
They haven't started on her yet.
You're a good friend.
- Whoo!
- Hallelujah.
Stop! Just shut
up and leave me alone!
Oh, hell no.
This ends right now.
Hey, hot stuff!
Our ride's here. Let's bounce!
- Hey!
- Get him!
Get back here!
Nice.
What the hell, Lilly?
You're supposed to be rescuing me,
not making small talk with the enemy.
Ah, I was just about to come find you.
Okay, well, where's the car?
We need to be elsewhere ASAP.
I brought my bike.
Why?
Stupid Brutus and his stupid training.
He sabotaged the car to, I don't know,
teach us resilience, or something.
Maybe y'all should get a tandem bike.
I mean, it's not like you guys
can get any less lame.
Okay, nobody asked you,
Princess McBitchface.
Hm.
Whatever.
Later, losers.
Okay, we should probably go
and unt-hay the onster-may?
Right.
Okay, gimme a sec.
Hey.
You-you okay to walk home?
Yeah, go ahead. I'm good.
Well, I'm not exactly good, but
Yeah, things got pretty crazy in there.
Mm-hm.
I'm just pissed I let them get to me.
Thank you for busting
me out, by the way.
Okay.
Hey, hey!
Do you still want to go out?
What?
It's just, you're such a badass.
Also, I'd understand if you
want to back out, you know.
I-I know crying in front of
a bunch of youth group pricks
isn't exactly what lady boners
are made of, so
But that ass definitely is!
We are so still on.
He just asked me out. You see that?
Okay, come on! Let's go.
Sorry.
Should I wave goodbye all sexy?
I'm pretty sure nothing
about this is sexy.
Whoa, so you can see through the floor?
That's so cool!
I mean, it was pretty blurry,
but I definitely saw Christine.
I couldn't make out who she was with,
but they were wearing
some kind of statement necklace.
Well, I'm glad at least one of us
has a cooler power than my
random leg I can't control.
Ooh, I meant to tell you,
Sparrow had a near miss, too.
- Whoa.
- Oh, what happened?
Well, he got attacked
by ginormous bees during lunch.
He didn't get eaten
so something must have scared it off.
Huh.
Wait
Where did we just come in?
The gym, I think?
Shit.
I think it's here
for me.
Let's play!
Oh, oh.
Oh, my God.
Aw
Come out and play!
Ah, hurry!
It's just like that
scene in Jurassic Park.
I couldn't sleep for weeks.
I just kept dreaming about the veloci
- Shh!
- Don't say it!
Don't even think it!
Okay, okay!
What are we gonna do?
We can't hide here forever.
I can't think with you panicking at me!
Wait, okay.
Aaahhh.
Sorry.
Didn't know there was anybody in here.
He disappeared when I got to the caf.
Grease the hinges
What is it?
Hold on.
Okay, what the hell are you doing?
Oh, God.
You think we're going to die.
You're calling Sparrow to say
goodbye because you think
- we're going to die!
- We're not gonna die!
Hey, I was just thinking about you.
Did you have mayo on your lunch today?
Uh I think so? Yeah, it was a BLT.
Thank you. Also, did you get home okay?
Yeah, I'm almost there.
Hey, why do you sound
like you're choking?
Got no time. Talk later!
It's mayo!
The answer is mayo!
Great, now you've lost your mind.
No. Okay, I know what to do.
Can you hold him off?
Astrid, I don't I-I can't.
Lilly, you're a fierce queen bitch
who eats monsters for breakfast.
Where's Tearjerker right now, hm?
Dead! That's where.
What about Razor? Also super dead!
- You did that.
- I did?
Nope, no, no, no, no.
Not going to cut it.
Who did that?
I did that.
Yes.
Now, let's get that leg in the game!
Go, go, go, go!
- Lilly!
- I can do this.
Whoa, I got this.
I can do this.
I can do this.
You wanna play, shitbird?
Let's play.
Lilly,
I'm coming!
Is that all you got?
I could do this all day!
You
You may have bested me,
but just remember:
dodgeball lasts forever.
Dodgeball only lasts
through high school, jerk.
Oh!
Wait, aren't we supposed
to get its amygdala?
That's in its brain!
Crap.
Do you think we got it all?
Guess we'll find out.
Ugh
- Okay.
- All right.
Oh, can I just say
you were
awesome back there.
Like-like Trinity in The Matrix.
Back at you.
Charging in, screaming like
some creamy, eggy Valkyrie.
Ahh!
Hello, my little entranced pets.
I am becoming,
and will be whole soon.
For when that happens,
I need you to help me build
something very important,
something I couldn't
bring with me from home.
Anything, ancient one.
We are ready to serve.
Of course you are.
But, for now,
leave me.
I'm hungry.
- Caf or yard?
- Ooh, yard.
- It's so nice outside.
- Hm.
Have you heard anything from Brutus?
Nope. No congratulations, no thank you.
He says we can trust him, but
then he goes completely AWOL, like
Hey, twatwaffle.
How's your imaginary boyfriend?
Look.
Hey, there, girlfriend.
It is I, your very human boyfriend.
Too much.
This is Brutus.
Mm-hm.
He's in college.
Hm.
That was awesome.
I figured I owed you two.
After you faced your fears,
and slayed the Timoring.
The least I could do is show up.
Now
what's for lunch.
You guys have a time
allocated to lunch, don't you?
Ew! No.
What do you call this?
The sandwich?
Tuna salad.
Tuna salad.
It's amazing.
Oh, so glad you like it.
Know what's not amazing?
- Breaking my car.
- That was a training lesson!
It is never happening again, capisce?
- You guys are no fun.
- Hm.
So, tell me about the Timoring.
What did it manifest for you?
Oh, dodgeball monster.
- Mm-hm.
- Pure nightmare fuel.
And you?
Nothing. Didn't work on me.
Hm.
That's weird.
The only way that would
happen is if you've
already survived your worst fear.
So, I guess it wasn't the velociraptors.
Can't imagine what it was.