Dan Da Dan (2024) s01e03 Episode Script

[funky music playing]
You're 27 years old.
-No, I'm 20.
-You've got a wife and kid.
No, I'm single.
You like curry.
No, I like ramen.
[buzzer sounds]
-That Santa Dodoria was somethin' else.
-She got everything wrong.
-[man 1] Young idol. No way he has a wife.
-[woman] Forgive us.
-Hell, even I could've guessed that one.
-[woman] So sorry.
-[man 1] Should we run this or dump it?
-[man 2] Might as well run it.
Hardly anyone watches
local shows like this anyway.
AVAILABLE - OCCUPIED
[funky music continues]
[driver] 'Scuse me.
Aren't you Santa Dodoria?
I saw you on TV the other day.
Do you really have psychic powers,
or is it just an act?
[Santa Dodoria] Drop me here. I'll walk.
[driver gasps] Huh?
I wasn't trying to insult you
or anything, honest.
-I was hoping for a prediction--
-I predict you'll die if you don't leave.
[Turbo Granny hissing and snarling]
[cracking]
[Turbo Granny panting]
[grunts]
[panting excitedly]
[laughing]
[dynamic music playing]
[woman] Well, well.
First, I thought you
brought home another scumbag.
-Turns out this one ain't even human.
-[hisses]
Swear to God, my grandkid has been
nothin' but trouble lately.
The stress of it all's dryin' my skin out.
Huh.
Get up. Let's sort you out.
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
[rap lyrics in Japanese]
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
EPISODE THREE
IT'S A GRANNY VS. GRANNY CLASH!
-[screeches]
-Huh?
[roars]
-Huh?
-[screeching]
Whew! Well, you're a speedy little jerk.
Even so, your attack was predictable.
I knew you'd come at me
from my blind spot.
[snarls]
[Grandma] And now you're standing
in the trap I had waiting for you.
[shrieks]
[Grandma] If you step foot
out of that circle, you'll die.
That right there's a barrier, hon.
[clanking]
[Grandma] See that warding nail
inside this circle?
That means I'm standing in a barrier.
The nail outside your circle
means the barrier's all around you.
So, if you're wondering
how you got barbecued before,
it's 'cause I was already standing
inside my barrier.
[Turbo Granny hisses]
When I get out, I'm gonna eat you alive!
You think this stupid barrier will
keep me trapped forever?
I wasn't planning
on keeping you at all, hon.
The plan was to kill you.
-Hah!
-[clang]
[Turbo Granny moaning]
Stand your ground,
or I'll knock you over the line!
[groaning]
You poor thing.
Being fast doesn't help you much
in that barrier, does it?
[Turbo Granny] You dirty old hag!
Now the old hag calls an old hag
a dirty old hag.
I hate hypocrites.
[moans]
If you kill me, the boy I cursed dies
with me. You want that?
[creaking]
Any scumbag that seduces my grandkid
gets murdered.
-Even if they're human.
-[shrieks]
-Buh-bye.
-Dirty old hag!
[power blasts]
[whimpers and gasps]
[shudders]
[gasps]
[panting] Okarun!
[canned laughter on TV]
-Wait, were you home this whole time?
-Keep your voice down.
I'm trying to watch Bakatono here.
But I… I need to talk to you
about something kinda important.
-You went someplace haunted.
-[gasps]
Uh-huh. Well, I didn't go.
-A friend of mine did.
-Why?
[gasps]
Oh, you know. We were talking.
One thing led to another.
[shouting and metal clanging on TV]
-[giggles]
-[canned laughter]
-This Bakatono is a national treasure!
-Stop watching that and listen!
Did you happen to see a boy around here?
'Cause, like, there's gonna be big trouble
if I'm not with him.
Trouble like the evil spirit I killed?
[gasps] Huh?
What'd the spirit look like?
Did it have glasses?
What's your problem? I thought you didn't
believe in ghosts and stuff like that.
Besides, I'm a fake, remember?
[Momo grunts]
How long are you gonna
hold that against me?
We could be in danger.
All I want is a straight answer from you.
Okay. Don't believe that stuff.
There are no ghosts.
Take it from a fake medium.
[grunts]
-Grandma.
-Hmm?
I apologize. I was wrong, and I admit it.
Now please, tell me,
what you did with the evil spirit.
-[Grandma] Go to the main shrine.
-Uh…
You old bag! [grunts]
-If you hurt him, I'll never forgive you!
-[door slams]
[panting]
[Okarun] I guess
I didn't wanna miss my chance.
[Momo] He was just a guy
that was into the paranormal.
He just wanted a friend.
This is my fault.
I forced him to go into that tunnel.
I'm sorry, Okarun!
Okarun!
Mm?
You're alive! Thank goodness!
I don't remember what happened!
I thought I killed you--
Hey! Miss Ayase?
Miss Ayase?
You four-eyed freak! You're still alive?
[Okarun] What? Yeah, I'm alive!
Sorry if that pisses you off!
Man! This is so annoying.
[sighs]
So, is hangin' with monsters a new thing?
-Or were you always doing that?
-Jeez! Don't scare me!
[Grandma] As long as he's in there,
the curse won't kick in.
But if he takes one step outside,
he's back in monster mode.
What was the point in lying to me
and saying you killed him?
Freaked you out for a sec, didn't it?
Is this the kind of guy you're into?
Hell, no!
This, like, Turbo Granny stole his peen.
And she said he was gonna stay cursed
till he got it back.
The whole thing's messed up.
And it's my fault
what happened to him happened.
I wanna help him, but I don't know how.
-Oh, so you are into him.
-I am not!
And another thing.
I got psychic power or whatever now.
What the hell are you talkin' about?
I went somewhere and saw a UFO.
Something happened,
and now I got these powers.
Interesting, but UFOs ain't real.
Yeah, I thought so too.
Till yesterday, when I saw aliens.
Anyway, I really do
have psychic powers now,
and if I don't use 'em to keep Okarun's
curse in check, he freaks the F out.
That totally tracks,
'cause psychic powers are real.
Wow. Not like you're biased or anything.
[Grandma] So, Turbo Granny's got
her hooks in the kid. [sighs]
She's a real pain in the ass,
let me tell ya.
Way back when, she was called
the 100 Kilometers an Hour Granny,
and she used to rampage
all over the country.
She was a modern-day yōkai,
but sightings were rare.
One day, I heard
she was hanging out in that old tunnel.
So I went to check it out for myself.
DO NOT ENTER
The place felt… weird.
The spiritual power in that tunnel
was so strong, I couldn't go inside.
You know what a bound spirit is?
It's a spirit that stays in one location
that it's got a strong attachment to.
And, of all the spirits
in their territory, they're the strongest.
They're so strong,
no spirit medium can hope to fight 'em.
[exhales]
And that tunnel already had
a bound spirit in it.
[ghostly wailing]
[Grandma] You know what that means,
don't you?
Turbo Granny and that bound spirit
had fused into one.
Don't you go back there.
Last thing I want is
to lose you to that.
It's the kid's problem,
and there's nothing you can do for him.
-Best to forget about him.
-[gasps]
Go back to your normal life.
[Momo] Times like this, I wonder,
"What would the Ken I love do?"
When I'm confused and can't decide,
I ask myself that,
and I always pick right.
So…
if Ken had to choose,
he'd step up and help.
And that's what I'm gonna do.
The kid told me his name was Ken.
-So you are in love with him! [giggles]
-No! I don't mean him!
I wasn't talking about that Ken!
[Grandma] Hey, kid! She's totally
in love with you. Congrats.
No! I was talking
about Ken, the actor! The actor!
If you're gonna help, we'll need a plan.
[Momo] Huh?
-You'll play tag with Turbo Granny.
-Huh?
She's so fast, she thinks
no one can run away from her.
So if you challenge her, she'll accept
without thinking twice about it.
Now, here's the tough part.
The bound spirit's territory
is Shono City.
You'll have to lure Turbo Granny
outside the city limits
without getting caught.
And once she's out of her territory,
she'll be so weak,
even you guys can take her out.
No sweat.
I can't play tag with no Turbo Granny.
I got noodle legs.
I get winded if I run a block.
Why can't we use a barrier? Can't you
make one that's gnarly enough for her?
We can put it in the tunnel.
I wish I could, kiddo.
-But I can't use my power to help.
-What? Why can't you?
KAMIGOE CITY
[Grandma] My barrier spells work
as I borrow the power
of the god that lives in this territory.
If I leave Kamigoe City,
I don't have any power.
That's how it is.
I didn't know territories applied to us.
[Grandma sighs] Yep.
And every territory has its own god.
The trick is to play home games,
never away games.
Anyhoo, tag's the only way
to get rid of Turbo Granny.
If you get in shape, you'll probably get
fast enough to beat her in a race.
You're not kidding, are you?
You remember how hard I trained for track,
and even then,
I still couldn't make the team.
-You don't have to train.
-Hmm?
-[door creaks]
-He does.
-[Okarun yelps]
-[Momo] Oh, gotcha.
May I join the conversation about me now?
[Momo] Sorry, I forgot.
Okarun's got no stamina at all.
She's right. I don't.
And to hold his curse down,
I have to stick close to him.
[Grandma] He can carry you piggyback.
How much do you weigh, Miss Ayase?
[Momo] Would you like to die?
Yeah, this won't work.
In, like, cursed mode,
I can only go all out about twice.
That's true.
[Grandma] Then train,
so you can go all out all the time.
Push-ups, sit-ups, back work, squats.
Five sets and 100 reps of each.
-Huh?
-[Grandma] Do it!
-And Momo?
-Hm?
[Grandma] You have to train
your psychic powers.
They need to be at a higher level
than they are now.
Since I won't be any help in the fight,
both of you have to get way stronger.
So it looks like
I'll be training the two of you now.
We start tomorrow, so get some sleep.
Actually, Four-eyes,
get some reps in now.
[Okarun] Oh. Sure…
-[Momo grumbles]
-She's so young for a grandma.
And so annoying.
-I need to apologize for something.
-What?
Before, when we were fighting
that big alien,
I got so desperate there, I couldn't
think of anyone other than myself.
I'm sorry.
Don't be. That was a hairy situation.
Yeah, but the way you handled it…
You saved me and killed the alien.
[wistful music playing]
I just want you to know
that I'll do my best,
so the next time something like that
happens, I can save you.
[inhales shakily]
I… I don't wanna disappoint you.
And I don't want you
to stop being my friend.
Look, I'm not disappointed in you.
Don't overthink it.
Then why'd you go
and slam the door in my face before?
-Well, that was, uh--
-I knew it! You are disappointed in me!
I just said I wasn't, but right now, yeah!
'Cause you're being a pain in the ass.
[Okarun, sadly] I'm sorry.
-You were pretty rad during that fight.
-[Okarun] Oh?
But you're still a dork, and next time,
I'll probably have to save you then, too.
Oh?
I'll get you a futon.
You're sleepin' out here tonight.
Uh…
[gasps]
-Uh, Miss Ayase!
-Yeah?
I, um… I'm sorta…
uh…
you know, um…
I'm thirsty, so may I have some water?
Grandma, you mind
if I have some of your barley tea?
[Grandma] Nope.
[woman] Shocking news just came in.
We have learned that Shoma,
the famous pop idol, has a secret child.
And he is not 20 years old,
as he recently claimed, but 27!
What about his favorite food?
It's curry, not ramen, like I said.
-[woman] Also…
-[man] …he and his partner…
-[woman] …are not…
-[man] …legally married…
[women gasping on TV]
[giggles]
The news is hot garbage these days.
Miss Ayase!
Oh crap!
Okarun, he's gotta use the bathroom.
-[Okarun panting]
-Let him.
I can't, that's the problem.
Remember what I told you?
If something's blocking my view of him,
I can't keep a lid on his curse.
The only way to let him do his business
is for me to watch him doin' it.
-[Grandma] Then watch.
-I am not watching him do his business!
I wouldn't let you anyway!
I'd rather explode than lose my dignity!
-[farting]
-[yelps] You're not looking!
Turn around! [gasps]
-[grunts]
-I could use some ideas, if you got 'em.
Yeah, I got nothin'.
I am curious about
how you're suppressing his curse, though.
-[Okarun groaning]
-Oh yeah, that.
How do I put it?
It's like I see an aura around him.
[Grandma] Really?
[Momo] And if I picture my hands
squeezing it,
the aura shrinks
and the curse settles down.
-[gasping]
-[Momo] Auras come in different colors.
I can see 'em on everything.
Even rocks and trees.
If I concentrate, I can grab 'em.
Then, I can move 'em up and down,
back and forth, however I want.
But only in a tiny area.
Huh. I always thought supernatural
abilities would be more powerful.
-Yours seem kinda limited.
-[Okarun sobbing]
[Momo] When my powers
first awakened in me,
they were a hell of a lot
more awesome than this.
Suddenly, it was like
whatever I imagined became real.
I felt like I was invincible.
-But that didn't last too long.
-[Okarun groaning]
And now all I can do
is grab auras and stuff.
-Momo, close your eyes for a bit.
-[Momo] What?
No! I don't want the curse
takin' him over again.
I think your problem is
you rely on your eyes too much.
-[Okarun sobbing]
-Use one of your other senses.
Like your sense of touch, maybe.
If you can grab auras,
I bet that also means you can feel 'em.
So, shut your peepers and try
feeling the aura against your skin.
[Momo] Hmm.
[panting desperately]
[Grandma] Reach out and feel it.
[Momo] It's cold.
-Is it working?
-[Grandma] Yeah…
-Not really.
-[yelling]
-Dang it.
-Double dang it.
-I can't take it anymore!
-[farting]
This is it! I'm gonna blow!
Ugh. Do something,
or he's gonna crap his pants.
I was doing what you told me to.
I don't want you watching me
use the bathroom! But… [wails]
I won't soil myself
in front of you either!
[Momo] Get back here!
Bathroom first!
-[grunting]
-[squeaking]
[Momo] Don't go droppin' loads
in other people's houses!
-It's bad manners!
-Aah!
-Not if you're desperate!
-Ugh! Wait!
-I didn't say you could use our bathroom!
-Whatever!
The turtle head's pokin' out
and there's no stopping it!
-Oh, it's on now!
-[Momo] Here, no one runs faster than me!
Except the guy trying to use the bathroom!
-[Grandma] Nice form, Ken Takakura!
-[Momo gasps]
-I beat you all!
-Oh yeah?
[both yelling]
[cuckoo clock chimes]
This is humiliating.
For you and me both.
[Okarun] I always wanted
to have a paranormal experience.
[sniffles] Like getting kidnapped
by aliens.
-[Momo] For real?
-[Okarun] But this sucks.
-I just want this curse to end already.
-[Grandma grunts]
Momo, you said
when you first got your powers,
you felt invincible
for a little while there?
-[Momo] Mm-hmm.
-I think you accessed your full power.
But, for some reason or another,
it got sealed off.
That actually sounds kinda cool.
[Grandma] Ah, it's a pain in the ass.
You have to unseal your power
bit by bit through training.
Who knows how long it'll take
till you can access all of it?
You got time, though.
The kind needs to get in shape,
and that's gonna take a while.
[Okarun wails] I hate that you have
to watch me on the toilet!
You think I like…
[gasps]
Grandma, it's Turbo Granny!
She's loose again!
Grandma? Can you hear me?
Gah! What have you done
to my grandma, you bitch?
[Turbo Granny] Your choice.
Heart attack or stroke.
How do you want her to die? [hisses]
My curse is contagious,
thanks to this brat here.
I can curse anyone he looks at. To death!
No more playin' around, missy.
I won't give you any more time.
Come to the tunnel tonight,
or I'm gonna use the kid
to curse and kill everyone!
The tunnel. Tonight.
Got it?
-[Okarun whimpers]
-[gasps]
-What happened?
-[gasps] Grandma!
Wh… why am I bleeding?
Your ears are bleeding too.
Is your head okay?
[Grandma] Momo, tell me
everything that just happened.
[solemn chanting]
-[Momo] Do I have to wear this?
-[Okarun] I can't see through my mask.
[Grandma] Those outfits are
evil spirit proof, so they stay on.
You gotta be super careful now,
or you could die.
[Momo] You know, we might look harmless,
but we did beat up
those aliens pretty good.
There's no such thing as aliens.
And quit jokin' around. This is serious.
[Momo] Yes, ma'am.
Can you give the attitude a rest already?
'Cause that's the reason
you're always getting into trouble.
You never listened to me,
even when you were little.
[Momo] Okay! Jeez!
Your nagging's what's gonna kill me.
-Come on, Okarun.
-[Okarun sighs]
[Grandma] Momo.
What? What is it?
Don't die on me.
[Momo] 'Kay.
[gentle music playing]
[Grandma] Please, watch over those two.
Protect them.
[Okarun sobbing]
Why are we going by train?
'Cause it's too far by bike,
and we're gonna need
all our strength to pull this off.
Turbo Granny's gonna wish
she never met me!
-I'm sorry I put you in danger.
-[Momo] Not even!
No way can I let that ghost hag
hurt someone I care about!
I'm comin', Turbo Granny,
and I'm gonna kick your ass!
[lively music playing]
[song in Japanese playing]
Any resemblance to actual persons
or organizations in this work of fiction
(Ken Takakura included) is coincidental.
[all gasp]
You can't change here!
Everyone on the train's staring!
I'm not wearing that stupid outfit.
What are you talking about?
The whole point of wearing it's
to protect you from evil spirits.
Your grandma said so.
[Momo] Please. I look like a dork.
Fashion is the best armor for gyaru.
And lookin' fire is
what hypes me up for a fight.
-[doors open]
-Huh?
You're in a good mood.
[Momo] Yeah! Isn't this fun?
[Okarun] Not even.
I feel like I'm about to puke.
[Momo] Who you callin' tacky,
you old hag?
-[Okarun] Wait, what?
-[Momo] She called me tacky, remember?
-[Okarun] What? She did?
-[Momo] Yeah.
When you were rockin' the curse.
Ugh! Let's do this.
[both] Next time!
"Kicking Turbo Granny's Ass"!
[Okarun] I wish we didn't
have to take the train.