Dandelion (2026) s01e03 Episode Script

1
[Tetsuo] So what's
with the change of heart?
You're really letting me have this spirit?
Yep. But only if you're
really able to shoot it.
Huh?
SNACK MIKA
[Isobe] Here we are.
-[entry bell jangles]
-[door opens, closes]
[Tetsuo] That one there?
All right then.
Hey!
Just stay calm, ma'am.
It'll all be over soon.
-[chiming]
-[woman moans softly]
[Tetsuo gasping]
-Oh. Why, hello there.
-[sensual music playing]
[gasping] I can't shoot her.
No! I refuse!
-[chiming]
-[woman moans softly]
Please don't shoot me!
[shrieks] I can't do it!
Right? Do you see what I mean?
[Tetsuo] A woman this beautiful.
Yeah. I mean no! But still…
She's hot! She's totally hot!
[Isobe] Exactly!
She drives me crazy
with her feminine wiles!
Very pleased to meet you. I'm Jun.
My favorite month!
The sexiest of the year!
[chief] Ahem. Right. Let's see.
This is Masaki Kyoga.
He'll be joining us here
in the Send-Off Department.
Mr. Masaki to you.
He's the son of Daigoro Kyoga
and he's a member of the Kyoga family.
[audio fading] I expect you to treat him
with the respect he commands.
Hold on. A transfer?
[Yuichi] Yes.
The higher-ups ordered it today.
[Masaki Kyoga gasps] Ah!
Is it Research and Development?
I've been wanting to join
that team for a long time!
You know,
the Navigation AI that I've developed
has become more and more accurate.
If we can put it to use,
then I know our numbers will multiply--
[Yuichi] No. Masaki, that's not it.
They want you to join
the Send-Off Department.
Really? Uh, Send-Off?
In particular, the Dandelion Squad.
Your job is to oversee
Tetsuo Tanba and Misaki Kurogane.
What? That pair of losers?
But why?
You will then report their problematic
behavior to the higher-ups
and get them fired.
You want me to spy on them?
Even if I'm not acting overly suspicious,
it's only a matter of time--
[Yuichi] Enough.
I need you to do what you're told.
[Masaki Kyoga groans] But… but this is…
[Yuichi] If I tell you
that this is what Father wants,
will you still talk back to me?
Father's asking? For me?
-[tense music playing]
-[Yuichi sighs] Listen Masaki.
This is your chance
to finally prove Father wrong.
Don't let me down.
[chief] Um, and so,
uh, Masaki will do us the honor
of overseeing the Dandelion Squad,
who, right now, are all alone
at the bottom of the quota race.
He'll whip 'em into shape and--
It doesn't matter who you are
or how effectively you work.
If you don't follow
the board's directives,
you'll be taken out of the field.
Keep that in mind. That's it.
Well, you gentlemen
from the Kyoga bloodline
really do have a unique way with words.
It feels like the dignity
of the Send-Off Department
has been elevated
by your presence. [chuckles]
Tetsuo! Come and say hello!
Huh? Hey! Tetsu… [grunts]
He's not here.
Maybe he's on patrol somewhere.
[Masaki Kyoga] Not a problem
I'll locate him, right away.
Oh… [gasps]
-[whirring]
-[Misaki gasps]
-[chief] Oh!
-Show me where Tetsuo Tanba is right now.
[high-pitched humming]
[Masaki Kyoga] So, you're there.
He's somewhere around here.
We should split up and
-What the… But how did…?
-[bleeping]
She was right here!
[man 1 laughs] Oh boy, this chick is hot.
-[chortles] Don't push!
-[man 2] Huh?
Hey there. What are you all looking at?
-[man 1] Huh? Where'd this brat come from?
-[funky music playing]
Get outta here! Or I'm gonna mess you up!
-[gunshot]
-[gags]
[pop echoing]
-[man 1] Oh!
-[man 3] Oh shit! Let's go!
Oh. I see you have some skill with a gun.
[funky music continues]
[Jun] I guess if I had to pick,
it would be Bruiser Brody.
[Tetsuo] Oh, King Kong Brody!
Hey, you know your stuff!
[Jun giggles] And that huge chain he wore
and swung around was so cool.
Wow. Pretty and a fan of pro wrestling.
You know, you're a real catch.
-Tetsu's enjoying himself. Nice.
-[Tetsuo] I'm a big fan of Antonio too.
How is he so lazy
when he's supposed to be working?
Article 9 of the Underworld Code!
-I send you to the afterl… [splutters]
-[chiming]
-[Jun moans softly]
-[Kyoga gasps, shudders]
Pleased to meet you.
Are you a friend of Tetsu's too?
What?! Don't be stupid!
As if a loser like that would--
-Such a cool and intelligent man.
-[sensual music playing]
-You know, you're just my type.
-[Kyoga whimpering]
You see, there's just one thing
I left unfinished in this world.
If it's okay,
I would really like your advice
[Kyoga shudders]
Will you let me tell you my wish?
-You can tell me anything you like.
-You're breaking character.
Is she carrying two Yubari melons?
-[barking]
-[woman] What's the matter?
Look, there's nobody over there. Let's go.
[Jun] The advice I seek, you see,
it's got something to do with my husband.
Your husband?
-Does that mean that you were married?!
-[Misaki and Tetsuo] Hmm?
Oh, um…
Hirokawa. That was my husband's last name.
You see, he was
a very well-known comedian.
[Hirokawa] Hospitals, huh?
What's the deal with them, anyway?
I ain't once seen a doctor
at my scheduled appointment time.
Doctors are supposed to be smart!
They're supposed to
think ahead and multitask.
But put a calendar in front of them,
they crumble.
What do you expect from them?
They deal with emergencies every day.
[man] There's no way
they can prepare for everything.
-They're all morons!
-[man] That's rude!
-They should all just die!
-[man] That's going too far!
-[audience laughing]
-[Jun laughing loudly]
[Jun] He was the chaos half
of their manzai comedy duo act,
Laughter Researchers.
They were quite popular.
But then, one day,
Hirokawa broke up their act
and left without any notice or warning.
He then quit being
an entertainer altogether.
-Did he tell you why he quit?
-[somber music playing]
No he never did.
I still don't know the reason why.
I'm just so worried about him,
I really don't know what to do.
If only there was a way for him
to take to the stage once more.
Then I would be okay to go.
[Tetsuo] Well then, this should be easy.
-[music fades]
-[moans softly]
We just have to convince
this Hirokawa guy, and that's it?
Don't worry. You can leave it to us!
-Now, wait!
-Huh?
[sighs] Ah, never mind.
Hey, everyone! It's me!
The king of weeds! The Dandy Lion!
My energy's in full bloom!
You could say it's hibiscus!
[beeps]
[yawns]
[snores]
So, he drank himself to sleep.
He's got laziness down to a fine art.
I doubt that he'd want to hear
any of that from the likes of you two.
-[chanting]
-[ethereal music playing]
-[grunts]
-[bell rings]
[snoring, moaning]
What the… [hiccups]
-Uh…
-[Tetsuo] Listen up.
-[jaunty music playing]
-Jun has something to say to you.
She says she wants you
to get back onstage--
-[snores]
-Hey, wake up! I'm talking to you!
[groans] Who are you? You're so loud.
[Jun gasps]
What?!
J… Jun! How are you here?!
It's a long story,
so I'll skip to the important stuff.
It's about your manzai act.
[sobbing] Oh, my Jun!
I missed you so much!
-Have you been eating your vegetables?
-Hell no.
[chiming] Aw.
You're going to ruin your health.
[tearfully] I really miss
how you cooked your liver and chives.
-Stop!
-[Jun gasps]
Enough chitchat, okay? Focus! Focus!
Your wife is really worried about you.
She wants you to do manzai again.
[Jun] Oh my. Your beard is so overgrown.
[tearfully] Do you like it?
Mm-hmm. You look so wild.
Will you knock it off and listen?!
[music ends]
Back to manzai?
Will you please?
I really want you to get back into it.
Jun's concerned about you.
If you don't do this one thing for her,
then she can't pass on.
I like the sound of that.
You don't have to pass on at all!
You can just stay like this
with me forever!
[Jun] That's what I want too!
More than anything!
[yelps] Ah! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
I'm afraid
that's not how this thing works.
-Let's just say it's complicated.
-[moaning]
There's only one thing
you can do for her right now.
And that's to send Miss Melons off
to the afterlife with a smile on her face.
-[pensive music playing]
-Not happening.
Huh?
[Hirokawa] I'm done with manzai comedy.
Never again.
Why the hell is that?
I'm sure the reason isn't that important.
So quit being stubborn and just do it.
[grunting] No! So shut up!
You know, you're really beginning
to test my patience, you bastard!
Leave it, Tetsu.
What? Why's that?
[Kyoga] Maybe this could be the reason.
-[Tetsuo] Hmm?
-[Misaki gasps]
[Tetsuo] "Death manzai?"
[Kyoga] Hospitals,
electric companies, ad agencies…
Every place mentioned
by the Laughter Researchers
has met with disaster.
It became an urban legend,
one that trended online for a while.
[Hirokawa] Electric companies!
What's the deal with them anyway, huh?
[man] What's your problem this time?
[Hirokawa] Power went out
for three hours last month. Three hours!
How about a three-hour discount?!
[man] Stop being so tight.
The power is usually always stable.
-It was just a glitch.
-[Hirokawa] No bonuses for anyone!
[man] Your problem is
you're too hard on people!
-[Hirokawa] They should all just die!
-That's going too far!
The day after you performed
this skit on television,
a major incident happened
at a power plant.
Wow, now that's what I call a superpower.
Oh, come on. It's a coincidence.
Either way,
the public found it all amusing
and linked their material
with the incidents.
EXPLOSION AT ELECTRIC COMPANY
It seems whenever they performed,
death manzai was always
a trending topic the following day.
Before long, the Laughter Researchers
became synonymous with the grim reaper.
Hey. Is this true?
[Hirokawa] Hmm.
We worked our asses off for that material.
Just for all those idiots
to attack us online.
[woman] Death manzai is disgusting!
Do us all a favor and retire, already.
[man 2] Is doing manzai really worth
sacrificing lives for you?
[man 3] I wouldn't mind if they were
actually funny, but they're not.
Whenever we tried to defend ourselves,
we just made things even worse.
[grunts] It wasn't long
until the producers started
telling us to change our act too.
[snarls] All those morons
getting worked up about some stupid rumor,
spreading lies about us.
I got so sick of it all!
You didn't have to listen to them.
You know?
Why should you care
what people are saying?
That's exactly the reason why I quit!
I was sick of being in the public eye.
[Misaki sighs]
Couldn't you give it one more try
for your wife's sake? For Miss Melons?
[Jun] Please, honey.
For me?
-How could you say no to this face?
-Saying no would be a crime.
-Gotta do it for her no matter what.
-Who the hell is my wife to you guys?!
I won't! I don't care what anybody says!
So you have no regrets, huh?
[Hirokawa] None.
Not a single one.
[Tetsuo] If he doesn't wanna do it,
then this is gonna be
tougher than we thought.
[Jun sighs]
-[Tetsuo] Hey, what are you doing here?
-[grunts]
Oh! Well, this is, um…
Come on. Let's go.
[Kyoga grunts]
Go where?
MR. IDA
A commercial
with a capybara and a hot tub?
What is this pitch?
[bell dings]
That about sums it up.
No, thanks. I'll pass.
Please, can you just do this thing for us?
Just talk to Hirokawa.
Convince him to do manzai.
I said no!
Maybe I would if he apologized,
but I ain't reachin' out.
What happened between you two?
We had everything scheduled,
lots of new gigs.
But then one day,
he just walks out without telling me.
Do you have any idea
what kind of position that put me in?
It sounds like a lot happened between you.
But you should forgive and forget.
Hell no. I'm not forgiving him. Nope.
I am absolutely 100% done with him.
I don't even wanna see his face.
Anyway, even if he did
come up to me all apologetic like,
a comeback ain't happening,
because everyone hates him.
[scoffs] Are we done here?
I've gotta get to a shoot down in Kyushu.
Hang on. Can't you just
hear us out a little longer?
[knocking at door]
-[woman] Ida. It's time to go.
-[door opens]
We have… [screams]
Ida, no! Someone! Someone come quick!
Ida needs a doctor!
I need help right away!
-[Tetsuo] Should we give up?
-[Misaki] Yep.
-[sultry music playing]
-[Hirokawa humming]
Why does alcohol taste better
the more you drink it? It's magic!
[giggles]
That's what this guy dreams about?
He's even drunk when he's asleep.
What's the point in us entering
his dreams again?
We're going to try to appeal
to his subconscious mind. He's a comedian.
So if we show him some funny routines
while he's dreaming,
it's bound to awaken that deep,
suppressed urge
to want to do comedy again.
Right. And who's going to perform
these funny routines?
Don't worry about it.
I've taken care of that.
Huh?
[Tetsuo] Bun-bada bun
Bun, bun, ba, bun, sticky bun ♪
Roll up, roll up! Come one, come all!
The comedy show of the century
is about to begin!
[Hirokawa] Hmm?
[shamisen music playing]
IZUMO NO OKUNI
[Kyoga] Um… who's that?
[Tetsuo] Kidnapped from the Netherworld,
Izumo no Okuni!
A long time ago,
Okuni's performances captivated audiences.
It's said her kabuki dances were
the foundation
for all folk performing arts.
Okay. Now dance your legendary dance!
[traditional music playing]
And this is…?
Kabuki dance. It's legendary.
-[Hirokawa] Hmm.
-[Tetsuo] Maybe too legendary. Next!
All right, here we go.
Next up, an acclaimed duo who crossed
the span of time to be here!
It's Nobu and Hide!
[Kyoga] Huh?! They're in their underwear!
Monkey man, it appears
that my sandals are warm.
You spread them under your behind,
didn't you?
I wouldn't dream of doing that!
But I did stop them from getting cold
by holding them
against the warmth of my bosom, my lord.
You held my sandals against your bosom?
-[Hide] Yes!
-[grunts]
-That's more disgusting!
-But why?
You can never go wrong
with some slapstick comedy!
[Hirokawa scoffs]
Yes, you can.
Meh. Wrong year.
[Hirokawa grunts]
[Tetsuo] Next up,
Japan's famous yuru-kyara mascot!
SEGODON
[Segodon] Tendon! Undadon!
Ate so much food,
my belly goes don-digga, don, digga-don!
Yeah! Don-digga, don, digga-don!
Don't do that!
[whimpering] This is the end-da-don!
There's no way you can't laugh at that.
Comedy gold.
[Hirokawa chewing crunchy food]
[Tetsuo] Next!
[Misaki] Looks like there's no one left.
[Tetsuo groans]
[splutters] Then you go! Be funny!
[Kyoga] Huh? Wait a--
-[funky music playing]
-[Kyoga groans]
Now you see me.
-Now you don't!
-[music ends]
[Hirokawa sighs]
[Tetsuo] This is your fault, Kyoga.
[Misaki] Yeah, you ruined everything.
[Kyoga] It was because of
your stupid, harebrained schemes!
You said you had a great idea!
But no! It was nothing but nonsense!
-Take it back! It wasn't nonsense!
-No! I will not take it back!
Additionally, we seriously don't need
to waste this much time on one spirit.
It's pointless.
[Tetsuo scoffs] That's it, run away.
The hell's that guy's problem?
-[Jun] Well, I guess I should give up.
-[Tetsuo] Hmm?
If he honestly doesn't want
to go back on the stage,
then maybe I should just let him be.
[Misaki] Are you certain
you're okay with that?
[Jun moans softly]
Hmm.
I have to be.
After all, the most important thing is
for him to be happy.
-[groaning]
-[crackling]
[Tetsuo] Captain!
Let's try to convince him one more time!
[bell dings]
Listen to me, guys. Give it up! No!
You're making your wife cry.
[gasps]
-[Jun whimpering]
-[Hirokawa] Oh…
[poignant music playing]
I need to hear
exactly how you really feel.
[Hirokawa exhales]
Are you telling the truth?
I bet you still wanna do comedy.
-Will you just cut it out, already?!
-Huh?
[Hirokawa] Enough! Leave me alone! Please!
[Tetsuo] Why the hell
are you being so stubborn?
[Misaki] Is there something
that you're trying to hide from us?
[Hirokawa] I said leave me alone, damn it!
Come on, let it out!
Tell us what's the matter!
[grunting]
-[bellowing]
-[Tetsuo] Hey! Wait! Wait!
This ain't good.
[running footsteps receding]
[suspenseful music playing]
This is bad. He's not here.
If he's mistaken for a spirit
and shot with the Tamakin…
Oh yeah. You'll be fired for sure, Tetsu.
The same goes for you!
[Kyoga] Yep, the rumors are true.
The Dandelion Squad is
nothing but trouble.
[Misaki and Tetsuo] Huh?
[Tetsuo] What's this?
Did you come all the way back here
just to mock us both?
[music fades]
Huh?
-[light crackling]
-[Hirokawa panting]
[gasps]
[sighs]
[quiet pop]
[Hirokawa] Huh?
-[metallic ringing]
-[Hirokawa gasping]
-[shuddering]
-[low whooshing]
[Hirokawa screaming]
[Kyoga] I decided to investigate
and look closer into death manzai.
Specifically,
posts that were added online.
The day after the two of you performed
your routine about the hospitals,
a hospital was attacked
by a random assailant.
MAJOR HOSPITAL ATTACKED BY
RANDOM ASSAILAN
[Kyoga] A man with a knife
rampaged the front desk.
Although several doctors and nurses were
hurt in the attack,
all the injuries were minor.
Luckily, no one was killed.
It was the same hospital
where Jun was a patient.
And the night the attack happened…
was the same night Jun died.
So, does that mean…
There wasn't any correlation
between the two events.
[Hirokawa] Did you say none at all?
-Don't be dumb.
-[tender music playing]
Truth is,
if there were no doctors or nurses
who were injured on that day,
then there would have been
enough staff on duty.
In that case, one of the doctors or nurses
would have noticed Jun's condition sooner.
Whenever I think about that,
I feel overcome with regret.
Maybe words… are magical.
The thought that my words
could bring misery like that terrifies me.
And so I decided not to speak anymore.
[Tetsuo] Wow, you're dumb.
Magical words? Death manzai?
You're just a third-rate comedian.
You don't have that power at all.
Hey! Easy.
Cut the pathetic excuses.
Why don't you admit it?
You quit because you're
basically just a talentless hack.
[Hirokawa] What the hell do you know, man?
Well, actually, I don't know
a damn thing about you.
And I don't want to.
Barging into my life
with your big, stupid talk!
-Who do you think you are?!
-I am an angel. Got a problem?
What kinda angel wears black
and smokes cigarettes?!
You're the grim reaper!
That's what you are!
Go back to hell where you came from!
-[Tetsuo] I knew you could do it.
-Huh?
[Tetsuo] Look, you just insulted me.
But, even so, I'll still keep doing my job
I'll keep chasing stubborn spirits
who refuse to pass on.
Today, tomorrow, and the day after.
I'll prove the fact that you insulted me
won't change a single thing.
[Hirokawa crying]
So don't go thinking you're so special.
Humans are
tiny, insignificant little beings.
You can't change the world
or manage a functional society.
And that's why
you should all live as you please
because life's way too short.
[music subsides]
So just live your life.
[tender music resumes]
[shuddering]
[music fades]
[Tetsuo] Oh. By the way, where's Jun?
[Misaki] Huh? Oh.
I left her at the apartment.
Well, she's not here.
I wonder where she is.
Mini Proto, what's Jun's location?
[whirring]
[Kyoga] She's on the move.
One kilometer from here. Oh no!
-[rock music playing]
-[Jun gasping]
Please don't resist.
[Tetsuo] Hold it right there!
Wait! Stop! Hold your fire!
Don't shoot! Just hear me out!
[woman] Would you please
not get in my way?
Get out of my way!
[gasps]
[chiming] Pleased to meet you.
My name's Jun.
[squealing] Oh wow!
Her eyes are so sparkly!
Miss Melons's power knows no limits.
-[Kyoga] And her beauty knows no gender.
-[sultry music playing]
-Okay. Now, let's go grab his partner.
-[upbeat music playing]
Where is his partner?
[Kyoga] I think he's on his way to Kyushu.
[groans] Damn, that's right!
Not a problem. You can leave him to me.
[train horn blaring]
[music ends]
[Ida] When we come back,
Professor Kinpatsu
and the Dandy Lion will have
a Hakata torimon speed-eating contest!
[man] And cut!
Great work, Ida! Okay, that's 30 minutes!
[Ida] Right.
Ah shit.
[loud screech]
[Ida screaming]
[explosion]
Order up! One serving of Ida!
So wait. Ida was Dandy Lion?
[Hirokawa] Ida, you've…
you've… you've, uh…
hit rock bottom, I see.
Huh?
You said "My energy's in full bloom"?!
"It's hibiscus"?!
I cringed so much, I peed my pants!
You're a fine one to talk!
Why should I listen to a loser like you
who gave up on comedy?!
If anyone's a loser,
it's you with that terrible act!
I'm not a loser!
As long as I keep going,
I will never lose!
[Hirokawa] Oh yeah, sure.
'Cause the act's gonna
win you all the awards.
[Ida] Shut your face!
There ain't no winning or losing in life!
[Hirokawa] Ha! Spoken like a real loser!
You should open with that
in your next act!
-[Ida] Shut up already!
-[Hirokawa] Oh wow!
Is that the best material
you can come up with on your own?
-And whose fault do you think that is?!
-Your parents must be so proud of you.
Mind your own business, old man!
[Hirokawa] Really,
how can you live with yourself?
-[Ida] Pretty easily!
-[Hirokawa] Just go ahead and die!
-[Ida] That's going too far!
-[Jun crying]
[poignant music playing]
[laughing]
[chiming]
[Hirokawa gasps]
[June continues laughing]
Thank you, honey.
[chiming continues]
[whooshing]
[poignant music intensifies]
[sobbing]
Bye, Jun.
-[soft pat]
-[gasps]
This isn't the time to get sentimental.
What do you mean?
The agency, studios, and theaters.
Tomorrow, we apologize to them all.
Don't run away again.
[Hirokawa] Yeah, I won't.
But you need to get better jokes.
[Ida] Shut up.
What a pain in the ass.
Right. Shall we call it a day?
Soon. I just have to
take him back to Kyushu, first.
-[Tetsuo] All right. Make it quick, okay?
-Yeah.
As predicted, you once again spent
too much time on one spirit.
So at this rate,
your quota is going to be…
Hello? Are you listening to me?!
Let's see. Over there!
-[man 1 groans]
-[man 2 gasps]
[Tetsuo] Both of you, hold it right there.
You're behind death manzai.
Isn't that right?
[Kyoga gasps]
You haunted Hirokawa,
and whenever he mentioned
a location in his act, you went
on a rampage in possessed bodies.
Heh! No point in hiding anymore.
Surrender now.
-[man 1] No way!
-Let's get him!
-[gunshots]
-[both men groan]
[pop echoing]
Well then, how's that for a quota?
You knew death manzai
was spirits, all along?
[Tetsuo] I did some research.
A while back,
the term "death blog" was trending,
so I was curious.
Apparently, there would always be
some sort of trouble at places and events
that were written about
by the same blogger.
That was also the case of spirits
possessing people and rampaging at places
mentioned in the blog.
I just figured that if Hirokawa
did manzai again,
they'd definitely approach him
sooner or later.
Right, then. Well, I'm outta here.
[phone buzzing]
Yes?
[Yuichi] Masaki, tell me, how'd it go?
[Masaki Kyoga] Well, as expected,
Tetsuo Tanba and Misaki Kurogane…
[Tetsuo screams]
[Masaki Kyoga] …they're both crazy.
[Yuichi] Is that so?
Did you see any problematic behavior?
[sighs] No.
Nothing problematic happened today.
[Yuichi] All right. I'm counting on you.
[distant voices bickering]
-Yeah, that may…
-[Misaki Kyoga] Tetsuo Tanba.
[Tetsuo] All I'm saying is
you should think more carefully
about where you land.
-[Misaki] I don't think so.
-[Tetsuo] Oh, really?
All right. I wonder how my mother is.
[dance-pop music playing]
[lyrics in Japanese]
[song fades]