Eternally Yours (2026) s01e03 Episode Script

Previously on Eternally Yours
I'm crazy about Max,
but we've been together
six weeks,
and now Dad turns him
into a vampire?
At your mother's request.
LIZ:
He was going to die, Charles.
JESSE:
We broke him, we bought him.
He's got to join our coven.
You're undead, dude.
It really sucks.
EMMA:
You remember Mort. He's one
of the twin teenage sons
of the other family
in the coven.
Oh, my God, what time is it?
I have to get to work.
No, you're not going anywhere.
You have no idea
how to be out among the living.
- Oh, my God!
- CHARLES: You could be exposed,
- which directly endangers us.
- [chuckles]
I didn't think
that it would be such a
No, you didn't think, Max.
That's the problem.
I'm sorry.
I-I just didn't want to believe
that this could
really be happening.
That everything about my life
was going to be different.
But now I know that it is.
MAX:
Mort,
Henry, guess what.
My telepathy power's
starting to come in.
Hey. That's awesome.
Oh, my God, it worked?
You guys heard that?
Yeah, loud and clear, man.
Your powers
- are developing early.
- Thank you.
You know, it's weird 'cause I
went through puberty quite late.
- Uh
- Why are you telling us
about puberty?
Wait, what? No, I just
thought that in my head.
I didn't mean
to telepathy that to you.
Yeah. It'll take a while
to master it.
Sometimes a stray thought
can be transmitted by accident.
Ah, that's a little terrifying.
Don't think about the zit
on Mort's forehead.
Come on, man.
Oh, no.
Yeah, maybe you should just
walk away, Max.
Walking away.
[chuckles]
♪
Did you guys know, in 1532,
the vampires had a truce
with the werewolves?
And there was actually
a coalition government
- for a period of time?
- I recall that.
It worked until
the minister of finance
dismembered the vice chancellor.
LIZ: They should never have
scheduled that cabinet meeting
- during a full moon.
- No.
- What's that book, Max?
- It's a book of vampire history
that I found in Charles's study.
- [coughs]
- Oh. Sorry, Phyllis.
- That's my bad.
- [coughs]
Have you guys heard
of a ceremony
- called the hospitio vampirus?
- Yeah.
It's like an initiation
celebration for new vampires.
Or as I like to call it,
a bat mitzvah.
- Yeah.
- Get it?
Bats.
I'm working on a half hour
of vampire-related stand-up.
So far I've got that one.
LIZ:
Oh, Emma,
I remember your hospitio
like it was yesterday.
You looked so beautiful.
Aside from that haircut
you insisted on getting.
Oh, my God,
it was hundreds of years ago.
You have to let it go, Mom.
You're right.
It's just hard to let it go
when those bangs
are in all the oil paintings.
Uh, I was just thinking
maybe it might be fun
if we did
one of those ceremonies for me.
Aw, I love that you're
embracing your vampire-hood.
Well, I just figure if I'm gonna
be one, I might as well be one.
And turns out,
this stuff is fascinating.
I mean, it is a rich history.
A little dark,
with all the murder and stuff.
But very rich.
Max, I think having a ceremony
for you is a great idea.
You deserve to be welcomed
properly into our community.
And if a bang-less Emma
gets a redo
with the pictures, well, then
- that's just a win-win.
- EMMA: Again,
it was of the time.
All the Ottoman Empire guys
loved it.
Are we sure we want to go
through the hassle
of throwing a party?
Inviting a bunch of vampires
we don't really like
and rarely speak to.
LIZ:
Come on.
We never entertain.
We just threw
that New Year's thing.
ALL:
Three, two, one!
Happy 1913!
- [cheering]
- [party horns blowing]
And thank you all for coming.
Fine. But this is the party
for this century.
Yes. Thank you, Charles.
Man, I have to figure out
what I'm gonna wear.
You wear a skin suit
made out of your first victim.
[laughs softly]
What?
I'm kidding.
We don't do that anymore.
LIZ:
Okay.
The party is in three hours.
Decorations are in place.
- Henry, you're doing the music?
- HENRY: Uh, yeah,
got it, but, uh,
what about my mom?
I mean, she's human.
She can't be here
for a vampire party, right?
We sent her away on a spa day.
- [coughing]
- You ready, Phyllis?
I don't think I'm up for going.
[sniffles]
The doctor said I should rest.
Oh, but that's what
the spa is for.
- Rest.
- [coughing]
You're gonna want to hit
the steam for that.
She's gonna be fine.
[Jesse whoops]
This is a big deal, Max.
Your own hospitio?
I mean, being celebrated
in front of the community
and marking the beginning
of this momentous journey.
Yeah, thank you.
I-I am so excited.
You should be.
Man, I'm really happy for you.
Like, so, so happy for you.
I mean, not jealous at all.
Sorry, what's going on?
Jesse never had
his own ceremony.
- We wanted to have one,
of course.
- Of course we wanted
- to have one.
- But we were just
really busy that week.
Yeah, it was the Old West, 1876.
There was a train robbery
and a roundup.
LIZ:
Which, of course,
led to the gathering of a posse.
I was in the posse.
It's very time-consuming,
a posse.
JESSE:
No, guys, it's okay.
I mean, would I have liked
a ceremony? Sure.
But the important thing
is that you turned me.
I was just a lowly cowhand,
and they plucked me
from obscurity
and made me into a vampire.
- Yeah.
- It's really not a big deal.
JESSE:
Not a big deal?
I barely even knew you guys,
but you chose me
to spend eternity with,
I mean, knowing that that meant
that I would be joining
your coven.
I'll always be grateful.
MAX:
Wow, you guys
really saw something
in Jesse, huh?
- Mm-hmm. Yep.
- Obviously, yeah.
[doorbell rings]
Ooh, great!
- Ah! The food's here. [laughs]
- Ow.
Hi, Steve.
Hi, Liz. I've got your blood.
- Thank you.
- Big order this week, huh?
Ooh. You okay?
I'm a little lightheaded.
Could I, uh,
- come in and lie down?
- Oh, Steve.
No. We're expecting people.
Okay. Could you just
point me towards my car?
Yeah. Yeah, just--
it's right there.
So, if you just go ahead and
then down the stairs and then
Yeah. Ooh. Yep.
- One foot in front of the other.
- We're doing it.
- [sighs]
- CHARLES: I'm sorry,
Celeste Bonafour
is on the guest list
for this hospitio vampirus?
Why was I not consulted?
- Who's Celeste Bonafour?
- LIZ: Ugh, she's this vampire
that Charles for some reason
has had a grudge against
since the 17th century.
She is rude
and-and she is stuck-up
and she thinks
she's better than us.
We had to invite her.
She's a prominent local vampire.
Wait, Dad,
isn't Celeste that lady
you once paid a witch to curse?
That was a debacle.
The unscrupulous witch
just ran off with the money.
I had to pay a sorcerer
to hex the witch.
It was a whole thing.
LIZ:
Please try not to make this day
all about you
and your petty grievances.
Yeah, Dad, please, for once
can you just think about Mom?
She put a lot of work into this.
Okay, Celeste can attend.
But when I see her,
I shall be tight
with my smile and less than firm
with my handshake.
- That'll show her.
- Yeah.
[thunder rumbles]
- CHARLES: Careful.
- Wait, Charles,
you only ordered
five pints of Steve?
That's not enough.
Well, what would you have me do?
It seemed it was all
he could safely give.
You don't give a fig about
Steve. You're just a cheapskate.
If there's less,
people drink less.
They self-ration.
Hello.
- Thank you for having us.
- Ah,
the blood.
I am famished.
CHARLES:
Oh, y-you'll want
to pace yourself.
It's a sipping blood.
I hope you don't mind, but
we brought our cousin Aldrict
who's visiting from out of town.
- Oh.
- Aldrict.
Uh, this is Charles and Liz.
Have we met?
No. No. I don't think so.
- Hmm.
- Hi.
I'm Max.
I'm the, uh, hospitio boy.
- Oh.
- But where's your skin suit?
Uh, I was told
we're not doing that anymore.
VLAD:
Sure. Why do any of it?
Apparently, the old ways
don't even matter anymore.
I swear I know you
from somewhere.
Did we kill a priest together?
In Munich perhaps?
Munich, Munich. No, no.
- I'm sorry, I should mingle.
- [door opens, closes]
CHARLES:
Oh, damn it. She's here.
Excuse me.
[clears throat]
Celeste, welcome.
- Charles, hello.
- I don't know if you heard,
but we're asking people
to remove their shoes
because of
the inclement weather.
No, I was made aware.
But unfortunately,
I'm unable to acquiesce.
You see, my boots
complete this outfit.
Of course, but, um, the rain.
But, um, my outfit.
[laughs]
Right.
Hans!
[laughs]
[Charles hisses]
Dad, don't make a scene.
This is Max's big day,
and you promised Mom.
All right,
she can keep her boots on.
Also, there are some guys
doing shots at the fountain.
CHARLES:
Oh, for crying out loud.
It's a sipping blood.
You'll want to savor it.
MAX:
Liz. Everything okay?
You seemed a little thrown off
by that Aldrict guy back there.
Max, can you keep a secret?
Yeah, of course.
I'm great at keeping secrets.
Like how I've never told anyone
that my first kiss
was with my second cousin.
- What?
- Damn it.
Listen, that old vampire--
he knows a secret that I've been
keeping since 1876.
It's about Jesse.
Remember how I was the one
that turned him into a vampire?
- Yeah.
- Well,
I wasn't trying to turn him.
I was trying to kill him.
[organ playing]
HENRY:
Oh.
Here's my Bluetooth speaker.
Gonna go put this
in the living room.
What do you mean that
you were trying to kill Jesse?
Okay, here's what happened.
For the longest time
after Charles
turned me into a vampire,
I refused to hunt.
But didn't you need to eat?
Charles did the hunting for us.
I knew it made me a hypocrite,
but just the whole thought
of doing the actual killing,
it was anathema to me.
[horse neighs]
CHARLES:
Darling, I know you're scared,
but it's really
not that difficult.
You just have to pick
someone inconsequential.
Someone who barely matters,
who won't be missed.
All right, well, I picked up
all the cow patties.
If that'll be all,
I'm fixin' to head into town.
I hear a block of ice
just got delivered.
I ain't never seen
no block of ice before.
CHARLES:
Oh, farmhand.
You're always gone
on long cattle drives.
Away for weeks on end.
Must be really hard
on your family.
Not really, sir.
You see, I got no kin
to speak of.
I did once,
but the smallpox took 'em.
Yes.
I mean, that must
have been really tough.
LIZ:
He was the perfect candidate.
An anonymous drifter
who no one would miss.
- So what happened?
- One night
I stalked him behind the barn,
where I had lured him
with a clever ruse.
- [owl hooting]
- What was she talking about?
There's no block of ice here.
LIZ:
I finally had my first kill.
The monkey was off my back.
Or so I thought.
Later that night
I was out at the local saloon
Your first kill.
I am so proud of you.
Thank you for helping me
overcome my fear, Charles.
You truly are the wind
beneath my wings.
All right. I'm gonna go
urinate some blood.
Well, that was so close
to a nice moment.
MAN:
Excuse me, uh,
- are you a whore?
- What?
- No.
- Oh.
Sorry, it's just that, uh,
you're a woman
and this is the Wild West.
Uh, my apologies.
Congratulations
on your first kill.
I couldn't help but overhear,
what with my super-hearing.
- Vampire.
- Oh.
- Yeah. [laughs]
- Thank you.
- He was a farmhand.
- [chuckles]: Ah.
He will not be missed.
Whoo!
Damn, I feel good!
Yeehaw!
LIZ:
Wait. No.
That's him now.
But I thought you killed him.
I thought so, too.
Uh, sorry,
are you done with her yet?
I am not a whore.
Well, you're sitting there.
God, this era's a drag.
Because of my inexperience,
it seems I failed to drain him
of enough blood.
Instead of killing Jesse,
I had turned him into a vampire.
So you had to take him
into your coven
just like you had to take me in.
Jesse assumed
that we had chosen him,
not knowing that he was,
in fact, a mistake.
Charles and I decided
never to tell him the truth.
And if Aldrict remembers
who you are,
Jesse will find out
what really happened.
He will be crushed.
Which is why
you need to distract Aldrict.
Keep him occupied.
Yes, leave it to me.
I mean, everyone wants
to talk to the hospitio boy.
- Feels like it's my bar mitzvah.
- [laughs softly]
My theme was jazz.
Oh. You had a tough adolescence,
didn't you?
Yeah.
[coughing]
[phone vibrating]
Oh.
[grunts]
Hi, Dr. Miller.
What?
What do you mean
I have the bubonic plague?
How did I get that?
- [coughing]
- Oh. Sorry, Phyllis.
That's my bad.
Stay away from other people.
Got it.
Very contagious. Understood.
Okay, well, thank you.
[coughing]
I'm sorry sorry
for talking on my phone.
I know I know that lady
from somewhere.
Oh, and that man
looks familiar, too.
Where do I know them from?
Uh, hey, Aldrict, uh, you know
what I would like to hear about
is your hospitio.
Yeah. I mean,
what was that like?
Oh, it was a lovely affair.
Although it did get quite warm.
You know, August in a skin suit.
[glass tapping]
Excuse me. Hi.
Um, we just wanted
to thank you all for coming
and for braving the rain.
And we appreciate
the near-95% compliance rate
on the shoe removal.
This is Max's big day,
and as his girlfriend,
I am so proud of him.
Girlfriend. That's big.
- Public acknowledgment.
- Yeah, hard launch. Nice.
And of course,
thank you to my mom Liz
- for organizing
this whole event.
- Yes, Liz!
- Yeehaw!
- [chuckles]
Yeehaw!
Yes! That's where
I know you both from.
Yes! Yes, you tried to kill him,
but you ended up
turning him into
a vampire accidentally.
- What?
- I'm sure you're misremembering.
No, no, you said
he was an annoying farmhand
and that no one would miss him.
[laughs]
Oh, it must have been so awkward
when you found out.
[scoffs]
Liz.
That's not true, right?
MAX:
Be cool, Max,
don't telepathy to everyone
that it's definitely true and
that Liz told you so earlier.
[all gasp]
Damn it. Seriously?
I sent that to the whole room?
- Thanks, Max.
- S-So
you didn't choose me?
What, I was, like, a mistake?
- Jesse, I can explain.
- No.
Don't bother.
- I
- ALDRICT: Oh.
I see, he never found out.
And I was right, it is awkward.
I mean, am I right?
This is very awkward right now?
- Jesse, can I come down?
- It's your world,
I'm just undead in it.
Not that that's what you wanted.
I am so sorry that you had
to find out that way.
No, it's good.
Now at least I know
where I stand.
And I know why
I never had a hospitio.
Because there was nothing
to celebrate.
Okay, okay, yes,
I meant to kill you,
- but I'm so glad that I didn't.
- [scoffs]
You're just saying that.
Please, Jesse, what can I do?
Uh, sorry, is this where they're
doing the virgin sacrifices?
I saw some people
heading down here
and I want to get a good seat.
We're not doing
any sacrifice today.
Seriously? We're out of blood
and the virgins are safe?
What kind of hospitio is this?
Thank you. Note taken.
Let's just go back upstairs.
I don't want to ruin
Max's big day.
Please, Jesse.
You have to forgive me.
Look, Liz, you've known
about this deceit for 150 years.
I'm just now
finding out about it.
So, sorry if, uh, my forgiveness
timeline isn't working for you.
[sighs]
Oh, my God.
What was she thinking?
- Cheapskates, yes.
- CHARLES: Celeste.
Like to see less of her
in my house.
Dad, you're spiraling.
What on earth could be so bad,
it's still bothering you
300 years later?
[sighs]
It doesn't matter.
Clearly, it does.
- Just tell me what she did.
- Fine. Back in Austria,
Celeste insulted your mother
behind her back.
She called her shrill
and tedious,
and said it was my misfortune
to be stuck with someone
like her forever.
She said that? About Mom?
CHARLES:
Yeah, she even commented
on your mother's appearance,
remarking upon the crow's-feet
wrinkles around her eyes.
Ah, but you're right.
It's been long enough.
I should let bygones be bygones.
- Not a chance.
- Emma, wait.
Celeste, who the hell
do you think you are?
Excuse me?
My mother
is an incredible woman,
and this is
a no-shoes household.
On days when it's raining.
They complete the outfit.
Not anymore they don't.
- [all gasp]
- Holy crap.
[gasping]
CHARLES:
Is that a crow's foot?
CELESTE:
Look away!
I'm hideous!
[wailing]
So the witch I paid cursed her
with an actual crow's foot.
An elegant nod to her slander.
That's clever.
I'd use that witch again.
Can I get her info?
CHARLES:
Tradition dictates
that he who turns a new vampire
must welcome him into the fold
and bestow upon him
his vampire name.
Everyone, please meet
Max the Tolerable.
- [whooping, applause]
- Yeah.
Um, thank you, everyone.
It is an honor
to be your hospitio boy.
[chuckles]
Um, in my short time
as a vampire, I've learned
some important lessons.
One is that, even though Seattle
has significant cloud coverage,
there are periods
of intense sunshine.
And that, once burned, it takes
a long time for the hair
- on your arm to grow back.
- [soft laughter]
- Ha ha ha.
- And another lesson I've learned
is that "coven"
really means "family."
- I couldn't agree more.
- Oh.
- Thank you, Liz.
- There's something
that I think needs to be said.
Ooh, I I mean, I-I had more.
There was an incident
earlier today.
You all saw it.
It came out that I was the one
that had turned Jesse
into a vampire by mistake.
But what you don't know
is that that was the best
mistake I have ever made.
- [hushed chatter]
- Aw.
- Aw. Um, anyway, so I, um
- I know the old ways
say that a hospitio is meant
for only one vampire,
but today I propose
we do something new.
A double hospitio.
[exhales]
Seriously?
It's long overdue.
Max, are you okay with this?
I think it's a great idea.
Come on up here, Jesse.
There is room
for more than one hospitio boy.
- [Liz laughs]
- Thanks, man.
[sighs]
Thank you. Oh, gosh.
Thanks, guys.
I mean, I know I said
that I was cool
without having
a hospitio, but
- oh, this rocks.
- [laughs]
[Jesse sighs]
LIZ:
I hereby
name thee Jesse the Iceman.
- JESSE: Ah!
- Oh, wow.
JESSE:
Hell yeah!
Like the guy from Top Gun.
But also because we have
a shared history
involving big blocks of ice!
- That rules!
- [chuckles]
[laughs]
Iceman.
ALL [chanting]:
Iceman.
Iceman. Iceman.
Iceman. Iceman. Iceman.
- Iceman. [cheering]
- Yeehaw!
So, you went wide with
the whole girlfriend thing, huh?
It kind of slipped out.
But, yeah,
I guess we're official now.
Yeah, I guess so.
She is so much hotter
than my second cousin.
- What?
- Damn it.
Great party, Liz.
- Thank you.
- Mm.
It was, wasn't it?
Although what was
that whole business
with Celeste and her bird foot?
Crow's foot.
And that was, um
- I really don't know
what that was.
- Hmm.
- It was gross,
though, wasn't it?
- Uh-huh.
Her little talons
clickety-clacking
- as she ran out humiliated.
- [laughs]
- Such fun.
- Yeah.
- [Phyllis coughs]
Oh, is this a
[coughs]
- party?
- LIZ: It-- uh,
it's just a little
impromptu thing.
You're home a little early.
- Babe, how you feeling?
- PHYLLIS: Not so great.
It turns out, I have the plague.
But the doctor gave me
some antibiotics,
so I should be better
by tomorrow.
But I am coughing up blood.
Oh, no, don't get up.
I'll be fine.
That's no virgin,
but we'll take it.
Okay, you know what?
Honey, let's get you upstairs.
- Come on, let's
- [coughing]
CHARLES:
And
thank you all for coming.
CBS
Captioned by
access.wgbh.org