Film Club (2025) s01e03 Episode Script

ALARM BEEPS
SIGHS
This programme contains
strong language and some scenes
which some viewers may find upsetting
ALARM CONTINUES BEEPING
Come on!
OVERLAPPING VOICES
Mum!
Mum?
OVERLAPPING URBAN NOISES
BICYCLE BELL TINKLES
You're fine.
YOU are fine.
Let's just go.
KEYS CLACK, PHONE RINGS
INDISTINCT CHA
AUDIBLE CHEWING
STRIDENT CLICKING
RACKET INTENSIFIES
ALL: # Happy Birthday to you. #
Make a wish!
Thanks, everyone!
Oh, Evie! Your mouth, it's bleeding.
Oh! Oh!
Shall we have a chat in private,
Evie? No, I'm fine.
Are you sure you're OK?
I'm fine. You don't seem it.
ECHOING: I'm fine, I'm fine,
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine!
HORNS HONK
SIREN WAILS
What number's Mum again?
Evie? Are you all right, love?
Why can't I remember?
Evie? What's going on?
SOBBING: I don't know!
Come here.
It's OK. You're safe.
You're safe now.
Eves? Eves, it's OK. Come on,
let's get you inside. You're OK.
Oh, my baby girl.
Do you want to run away?
What's your deepest wish?
What you on about, babe?
What do you want?
Joshy, you're kind of squishing me.
I need to get up.
STONE HITS WINDOW
What you doodling in there?
Mind your own.
Must be nice to work on a Saturday.
In what world is it nice
to work on a weekend?
No, just Saturdays,
and birthdays, and Christmases.
There's just too much pressure
to be happy on them.
OK.
It's kind of magical where you work.
The bacon sandwiches in the cafe.
The cushions and the table books,
helping people choose how they're
going to express themselves
through textiles and interiors.
Wherever you're imagining,
ISN'T where I work, Evie.
OK.
Suz-oh.
Joshy. You all right?
Not really. Last night? Hmm
You know what I'm thinking?
I think we need a big fat potter.
I'll get me coat.
Yes!
I think I could eat marmalade
on toast all day, every day.
Maybe we should put that on the
advert. "Must supply marmalade."
Maybe you should move in
with Paddington Bear.
Oh, God, no, no, no.
We would fight.
Have we, er,
had any bites on the room?
Not yet. Right.
Well, time is of the essence.
Really not long to go.
Have you spoken to the girl?
I think my tidiness just upset her.
Yeah
Are you guys?
You're still a lion.
What?
The whiskers are still on your face.
Oh, God.
The Whiskered Doctor.
That will not do, will it?
That will not do.
DOORBELL CHIMES
Hi. Hi.
Just came to say hello.
Hello.
Can I come in?
Want a tea, then? Or?
Yes, please.
LAUGHS
What you laughing at?
I'm not laughing, just, erm.
The house doesn't look right on you.
Well, you ARE laughing, mate.
SLAMS MUG ON COUNTER
Where's Suzanne? Suz?
Yeah, Suz.
She's with Josh.
Pottering.
Pottering?
Mm-hm. Pottering.
What's funny about that?
Jesus, not everyone spends their
Saturdays divorcing people,
or whatever it is YOU do for fun.
OK, is this cos I was late, Eves?
When?
Last night. Bristol.
The trains were cancelled.
I did try.
Oh, God, don't worry about that.
We had a great time.
OK.
WHISPERING: You do
my fucking head in.
You do MY fucking head in.
You can do your own milk.
SNIFFS
Oh
Have a whiff of that, Suz.
Oh, yeah. That's the one.
Winter Nights.
Ohh! That is good, that.
Have a bounce on here.
Oh, yeah, that's good.
It's not too soft. Yeah.
Fuck' sake.
Do you want a go, Iz?
Look at the face.
Sorry, no, boss business girls
shouldn't be seen bouncing on beds.
Boss business?
Yeah, well, she's
Ah, put my foot in it again.
I'm not doing it any more.
No! You should!
She should what? I was just
I was just thinking about
making the dog stuff more official.
Official? Yeah, like turning it
into a proper thing. Full-time.
Yeah, like, you know, expand it.
Like business cards.
Full kit, kaboodle. And then she can
hand her notice in here
at Snoresville. Oh, OK.
I couldn't even think of a name
and then I realised,
it was just stupid anyway.
And justjust a risk, so Oh,
you're the dog whisperer, though!
No, I agree with you, Isobel.
I don't think you should be
spaffing your hard-earned savings
on business cards.
Spaff? Bloody hell, Suzanne. Yeah,
you know, just stay in your lane.
How much discount
do YOU get in here? 30%.
Ooh! That is tasty.
Why? Do you need something?
Well, yeah, I'm just thinking
that all my stuff's
strewn all over the place.
You know, it must be making
the little one even more mad.
Not mad Not more either
You know what I mean.
You want your own chest of drawers?
Have you spoke to Eves about it?
Tidy room, tidy mind, all that.
I've got a bit of dosh.
OK. OK! Nice.
I'll do a recce.
CAT MEOWS
Oh, hello, kitty.
Hello, puss.
Ew! What, it's got allergies?
No. You saying "puss."
Oh.
So how was it, then?
Did you make any friends?
Not really.
You didn't make one friend?
There was a guy called Miles.
He, erm
talked about squash quite a lot.
Course he did - his name is Miles.
What about Tia?
Her name popped up on your phone.
It was next to me, wasn't it? So
OK, Snoop Doggy Dog.
This is why we shouldn't
have phones in Film Club.
So go on, then, what was she like?
She was, ermfine.
Erfine?
Or FINE?
She was quite funny, actually.
Yeah.
But you know when someone's a bit,
ermlawyery?
Yeah. Do I know
when someone's a bit lawyery?
Yeah.
Well, yeah, she was just a bit,
you know, lawyery.
Mm-hm. Kindred spirits, then?
Sense of humour
but an affinity for rules,
wearing wigs, ruining lives.
An affinity towards, actually,
but, yeah. Ugh.
Funny how?
NEW YORK ACCENT: Funny like a clown?
SHE MIMICS: Funny like I amuse you?
I make you laugh?
DROPPING ACCENT: She was
justquite funny.
Sounds like she's the one, kid.
You believe in that?
"The one?" Yeah.
We must have had this conversation
before. We haven't.
But our navel gazing knows
no bounds.
Yeah. Not this. Wow.
OK, then. No. Obviously not.
Really?
Yeah. We have many ones.
Many ones?
Loads of ones.
Don't you think? Well, I think
there's such a thing as
..one right person.
You mean that?
One one, yeah.
But you're clever.
What are you going to do
about that, then?
Oh, God.
Right. Shoes off.
Where is this poltergeist?
Where the hell are we?
If the cat has made it into the good
room, Mum's going to lose her mind.
"The good room?" Yeah.
It's reserved
only for the good times.
We shouldn't be in here.
Isn't this a good time?
Also, since when?
Mum says, "Just in case."
The God room.
The God room, yeah.
Hello?
WHISPERING: What's she saying?
Are we going to be OK?
It's got a rhythm to it.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Is this blasphemy?
It's absolute sacrilege, yeah. Yeah.
WHISPERS: Sorry.
That's prime shellac, that.
Shall we talk to Evie first?
You've got his hopes up now.
So does he live with us now?
I don't know, Isobel.
You don't know? No, I don't know.
It's your house! It's OUR house.
Does Evie want him living there?
Well, he's there all the time
anyway.
Yeah, but to actually full-on
move in without talking about it
Bloody hell,
it's just a chest of drawers, babe.
She might feel a bit trapped.
Rich.
I know what
you were doing last night.
Oh, for fuck's sake, Mum.
I was just trying to help.
Ever since Eves came home,
you've had tunnel vision.
You've cut down on work.
You don't even go to
Fizzy Fridays any more.
How can I go to Fizzy Fridays
when it's Filmy Fridays?
I know what I'm doing -
cos I'm a grown-up -
and I don't need you
meddling in my life.
Think we've found a winner.
DOOR CREAKS SHU
THREADS SNAP
HE EXHALES
What?
God, you really went for it, Eves.
Yeah.
But you hate it!
It's your favourite film, isn't it?
I felt obliged.
Ah
Ah, so you saw the text -
this is why you're being
such a sourpuss.
Will you stop saying "puss"?
Puss. Look, I went all formal
with her cos I was
Cos you were nervous. Yeah.
Oh, so you admit -
she did make you nervous?
I was nervous cos I was
in a brand-new environment
with squash players,
and the suit was not suiting.
It was not right. And
..you weren't there.
Well, at least I never have to watch
that horror show again,
once we say goodbye. Thank God.
Doesn't have to be goodbye,
though, does it?
You know what I mean.
Course it's not. Course not.
We've got our whole lives ahead
of us. Yeah, it's all up for grabs.
Then fuck off with the goodbye shit.
You fuck off.
QUIETLY: I'm going to miss you.
You're not going to need
to miss me
..Elle Woods,
cos I'm going to be there,
cheering you on from the dock.
Is it called the "dock"?
We can call it that, sure. Yeah?
We can go to the Harbourside after.
You looked it up? Obviously.
You been stalking me? Yeah. Aww.
Go into a book shop for hours,
have nice coffees.
Your first novel's in the window.
The reviews - "compelling, strange".
Four stars.
Four?!
No-one wants a five-star debut.
That's true, actually.
We can have champagne to celebrate.
HE GASPS
Champagne in my big house
full of furniture.
Yeah. Thin glasses. Old chairs.
Slightly musty smell,
like its owner.
Musty like apaperback?
No, it's more like
SHE SNIFFS
..malt.
OK.
I'll sack off Bristol after a while,
move to New York.
And you'll come. Yeah.
NEW YORK ACCENT: "The hottest lawyer
in Manhattan."
And you'll come?
Yeah! Oh, no,
I'm going to be there,
walking around Central Park
wearing a turtleneck,
pretending it's not itchy.
I'll help you
with your Christmas tree.
SHE GASPS
You'll run to me on New Year's Eve,
and I'll tell you that I hate you.
But you won't mean it.
I won't mean it.
And you'll wear big glasses
andand shirts
andand do captivating talks.
NYC ACCENT: At Carnegie Hall.
They'll last into
the wee hours of the night.
You'll smoke a cigar.
NYC ACCENT: Mm, only on Tuesdays.
Never around the kids.
All seven of them. Eight.
Leave the youngest at home
one Christmas.
You are so naff.
Where's Kevin?
KEVIN!
Oh, he'll be so cool.
We'll be so happy.
Great soundtrack.
ITALIAN ACCENT: Oh, Morricone!
Eves, do you even
want to go back to that job?
Jesus, Noa.
I know the position's still open
to you if you still want it, but
You have to bring us back
down to Earth, don't you?
Boom.
AS JEFF GOLDBLUM: I'm saying
II am an insect
who dreamt he was a man
and loved it.
And, ermnow the dream is over,
and the insect is awake.
Ah! I'm transforming.
Evie. Evie, if you're watching this,
in the future,
ermthen I hope
you're enjoying this.
But, erm, I'll probably be a fly.
You know what? I know
what I'm going to do tomorrow
and the next day and the next year
and the year after that.
I'm shaking the dust
off this crumby old town
and I'm going to see the world!
Italy, Greece, the Parthenon,
the Colosseum,
then I'll come back here,
go to college,
see what they have to say.
And then I'm going to build things.
Skyscrapers, 100 storeys high
and I'm going to
..I'm going to make bridges
100 miles long and..
PROJECTOR CLICKS OFF
You will, you know.
See it all.
Not really looking that way, is it?
How intense would you say
the malaise is at present,
on a scale from one to malaise?
It's better than it was, actually.
Mm.
You told me you had that thing
in the mornings before school
when you were little, when you
couldn't pick up the cereal spoon.
Oh, God, yeah! Mm-hm.
The exhaustion.
Like, no grip. Heavy.
Can't grasp. Jelly. No bones. Yeah.
That's what it feels like.
All the time.
It's like I can't hold on
to anything.
But it's better in here.
OK.
And sometimes I try
and trick myself
..into doing the thing before
my brain realises I'm doing it
..but then it catches up,
and I can't.
Can't pick up the spoon. Yeah.
But, Eves, just
..just stepping out there.
Taking one step. You know?
I know. Starting there.
No bones, Noa.
It's a physical thing.
I stop working.
So your legs don't work?
Yeah, my legs go. It all goes.
Don't laugh. I'm not laughing.
You stop working. Yeah.
And everyone's watching. Who?
Justeveryone that was
No-one's watching.
It's too much pressure.
It's like I step outside
and I'm arse-crack naked
and everyone's
got their popcorn out.
Yeah, no-one cares about your crack.
Shut up.
It's OK, Noa.
I think you're talking rubbish.
Just stop.
No-one actually cares.
Noa, stop.
What are you doing?
Oh! I don't know, what AM I doing?
What am I doing?
What is anything?
What is anything, really, if you
think about it? Noa, are you OK?
SHE LAUGHS
Huh? Yeah?
What the hell are you doing?
Put your clothes on!
This is happening, then.
What's happening?
AS JIMMY STWEART: Merry Christmas,
lads! Merry Christmas, number 51!
Merry Christmas, Des's corner shop!
Noa!
HE PANTS
What are you doing?
Oh, he's lost it.
SHE LAUGHS
See! No-one cares.
Look at me, I'm Jimmy Stewart!
See? You can do what you want!
I'm dancing in my pants.
I'm dancing in my pants.
No-one actually cares!
HE PANTS
Ooh
Izyou have to go for it.
Leave this place
and go pro with the dogs.
Do you reckon?
Yeah, you've got to. It's your pash.
And you're more than capable.
Yeah? Yeah.
Mum doesn't think so.
Uno momento por la toileto.
QUIET CHATTER
Suzo
Homestead Hounds.
What? Homestead Hounds.
That's the name.
Think it could be great.
Yeah
No, that's good.
I'll contribute
to the business cards,
as long as they're classy.
Let's do this.
NOA SHIVERS
Why did you DO that, you weirdo?
HOT WATER BOTTLE SLOSHES
Oh, we need popcorn.
So your legs don't work?
Nope.
HE TAPS THE BIKE
So get on the back of here, then.
No. Get on the back.
No! Get. On. The. Back.
Really? Yeah.
Really not getting on?
Go away.
You go away.
BIKE BELL PINGS
Wheee!
Whoa!
SHE LAUGHS
PHONE RINGS
Ooh.
Oh, it's Sammy. Pick it up.
Really? Yeah, she'll be stressy.
OK.
Hello, darling.
Recovered from last night?
Yep, yep. All good.
Is Noa up, or?
No, he's here with me now.
Put me on speaker.
OK, OK.
Hello, darling.
Hi, darling.
Hold me closer to your mouths.
My speaker's fucked.
I wasn't mean to
that rather fuckable Lion, was I?
No, no, not at all. All good.
Evelyn?
You didn't do anything wrong.
Is my coat there?
Hello?
Keeping it safe.
Phew.
Hey, remember Life-ruiner Liz?
Are you there?
Mm-hm. Liz, yeah
Yeah. Turns out
she's actually lovely -
she just has
a personality disorder.
Anyway, she does Reiki now
and I thought
that might help you, darling.
She says she'll come over
and do it for free.
Evie!
Reiki, yeah.
Right, you two are boring me.
LINE DISCONNECTS
PHONE CLATTERS
WHISPERING: Listen to me.
I have to leave.
I have to.
I know. It's OK.
What are you doing?
Stop doing that.
I'm not doing anything.
I have to go.
The job. Yeah.
No.
Right now.
Why?
We should talk about this.
You don't want this.
I'll put the kettle on.
IZZIE AND JOSH TALK OUTSIDE
LINE RINGS
LINE RINGS
ANSWERPHONE: This is Noa Amin.
Please leave me a message -
I'll call you back.
I missed you today.
What would I do without you, baby?