Funny AF with Kevin Hart (2026) s01e03 Episode Script

1
- [traffic rumbling]
- [pensive music playing]
All these decisions vetted out.
It wasn't easy.
Uh, it came with the fucking conversation
of extreme back and forth.
We said that we were going
to come out with a handful.
A handful was five.
But we made a decision to do something
just made up on the spot.
Uh, we're not done. We still got more.
We're going to take six instead of five.
So, the sixth person
going to callbacks is…
[pensive music builds]
…Ray.
- [comic 1] Yes, Ray!
- [Kevin] I gotta give Ray…
- [comics cheering, applauding]
- I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.
- [comic 2] Ray!
- [comic 3] Whoo!
[Kevin] I gotta give Ray a shot
as well, man.
You know, originality, it's rare.
We've all done the same shit.
We all do the same shit.
So, when you find a unique twist,
I think that should be highlighted.
I got it. I thought it was dope as fuck,
which is why I think you're deserving
of the next stage of the competition.
- [Macey] Yay!
- [Kevin] Okay?
[comics cheering, applauding]
I think I represented myself very well,
but I'll be back.
I'll be better. This is motivation.
I feel like I should be moving on
to the next round, but here we are.
I'm trying to keep it cute right now.
[producer] You don't have to.
It is… [hesitates]
You know, it sucks, but what can you do?
You continue on.
That's six, but you know what?
This is my show, my rules.
I want to give someone a shot.
[suspenseful music playing]
Papp, I wanna give you
what I would consider to be
our bubble spot, which means my alternate.
We need to see what happens in Chicago.
If I feel like I need more talent,
you'll be my first call.
What I want to see is for you to come back
and be a little more precise
in the understanding
of that five-minute set
and what it's supposed to be.
[Papp] I understand
what Kevin Hart told me.
I look forward to,
if I get another chance,
to leave no doubt.
[Kevin] To those that were not mentioned,
I can't say it enough.
Please, everybody, relish in the idea
that you guys did your job.
For those that we did choose,
relish in the moment
that it's not over for you.
I look forward to seeing
what you do next. Uh…
This was a dope-ass fucking showcase, man,
so thank you all for participating.
- [Tom] You guys were great.
- I appreciate your time.
All right? Thank you, guys. Let's go, Tom.
[comic 1] Great job, man.
[Felicia] I knew
it would be you, motherfucker
- Good job, man.
- [comic 2] Thank you.
[upbeat hip-hop music playing]
[Kevin] This L.A. showcase was great.
I chose six comedians
to go through instead of five.
So, I feel good,
but I haven't seen Chicago.
So, you know, who I feel good about today,
I may feel not as good about tomorrow.
That's the beauty
of it being a competition.
So I hope that the competition gets better
and it gets more difficult to make choices
because that means
we have that much amazing talent.
- Good job, bro. You crushed it.
- You too. Man, you always…
I just want to call you
and tell you that I made it
to the next round in the competition.
It's pretty exciting.
- [Brenda speaking Cantonese]
- [chuckles]
[in English] She said,
"Look at my new shirt that I'm wearing."
Oh, it looks good.
Anyway, back to
the Netflix thing, remember?
- [Brenda] The what?
- I said, remember,
back to the Netflix thing.
I made it to the next round.
- [Brenda] Ooh.
- [hip-hop music playing]
I do not care what you think
You think ♪
I do not care what you think
You think… ♪
So many comedy people just do comedy,
and they don't live a life.
I know, and they go every night
to the comedy club.
And I'm like, "But you can't--
What are you talking about?"
Yeah, the people sitting
in the audience are all having
- a ton of different life experiences.
- [Kumail] Yeah.
You have to have
some of those experiences.
You have to go to Prague or to Home Depot
to get those experiences
so that when stupid things happen to me,
I'm like, "Okay,
how can I incorporate that?"
Ultimately, it's about the laugh.
It's about the material.
When my mom passed away,
my dad passed away,
I went straight to the stage
and found material
to use in the moment, right?
- That's how I dealt with it.
- At the cemetery?
- You should have gone to the funeral.
- [Kevin] Well…
After… After the funeral,
when I finally went to the stage.
- Right after the funeral?
- I put about a fucking week in between.
- Okay? So maybe a week.
- The funeral was at the comedy show.
It was at the comedy--
- The coffin was right here.
- There was a week. There was a week.
- [all laugh]
- [theme music playing]
Yeah, the greatest ♪
- [theme song concludes]
- [electricity buzzing]
[upbeat R&B music playing]
[Kevin] We've hit New York,
we've hit L.A.,
narrowed our selections down to 11.
And now I'm in our final city
in our nationwide search
to find who's funny AF.
We've invited comedians from the South
and all over the Midwest,
including the locals,
to meet us in the Windy City.
There's no one I'd rather do this search
with than my guy Kumail Nanjiani.
Kumail started by doing open mics here.
He turned his experience
into an Oscar-nominated movie,
became a Marvel superhero,
and is now one
of Hollywood's brightest filmmakers.
He's had a hell of a career,
and it all started here in Chicago.
- How you doing?
- [Kumail] Good to see you. Good.
- Welcome to Chicago.
- [Kevin] I'm excited, man.
- Are you?
- You got some good shit here too, right?
Yeah, we got a lot of great comedy.
For me, the most exciting feeling
in the world
is watching someone I've never seen before
and becoming a fan.
Well then, let's do our job today.
- Let's find somebody great.
- [Kumail] Let's do it.
I'm excited to see who's here,
who am I laughing at?
[Kumail] Yeah, who's going
to make us look bad?
[Kevin laughing]
Ooh. Here we go.
- Well, well, well. The gang has arrived.
- This crazy. [speaks indistinctly]
- [Michael] My boy.
- They let you wear the jumpsuit, dude?
They let you wear a Canadian tuxedo?
Well, that's all I fucking had, you know.
It's the ladies. The ladies.
I got to be surrounded by them. You know?
[Caleb] What about you? Where you from?
- South Side, Chicago. Right here, baby.
- [Caleb] Oh, represent.
- Born and raised.
- [Caleb] What's comedy like there?
It depends
on what side of the town you're on.
See, Chicago comedy
is kind of segregated, right?
So, you got the North Side comedy
where you'll find Chris,
- and then you got…
- [comics laughing]
Then you got the South Side comedy
where you'll find us.
- Yeah.
- [Caleb] Right, right, right.
[dynamic hip-hop music playing]
[Kevin] Chicago breeds
a very special type of comedian.
Like Hannibal Buress, John Belushi,
and the late, great Bernie Mac.
Chicago comedy, it's an edge.
It's a…
"We should be
in the top of the conversation
when you think comedy."
- What’s going on? What’s up? What's up?
- [comics cheering, applauding]
[Kevin] What's going on?
- What's good? Love the energy.
- Oh, my God!
Guys, this is an exciting time.
Because of our love for the craft,
we want to help find new people
that could possibly be next, right?
I want to say, I think
comedy competitions are bullshit.
- I really do. I've done them.
- [comics laughing]
I hate them.
Contests are hard, and I know you guys
are probably nervous,
but I did this because Kevin
really, really, really loves comedy
and wants to give a shot
to all of you, right?
We're taking a handful of comedians
that will represent our Chicago portion
of this competition,
and then those people
will go to callbacks in L.A., all right?
Handful does mean a handful.
Everybody can't go.
That's the reality of it.
So, the winner will receive
a Netflix comedy special.
- [comics cheering, applauding]
- [Caleb] Oh, my God.
That's crazy.
So, show up, show out, man, okay?
- I'm excited to see you guys perform.
- All right.
- Let's have fun.
- I'll see you out there.
- Come on.
- Have fun.
Kevin, we love you!
[energetic hip-hop music playing]
The one thing that you know
and the same thing I know,
there's nothing more valuable
than a good five-minute set
in the beginning of your career.
- [Kumail] Yeah, you need a…
- A tight five…
- Oh, my God.
-…is what you were built off of.
Yeah, when I did--
I did Letterman, I did Kimmel,
- I did Conan, tight five.
- Tight five. Tight five.
- It's our time now, y'all.
- It's time.
- We're locking in, though.
- [Correy sighing]
To perform at home in front of my people
means the world to me.
One of the things that I talk about
on stage is myself, my family,
the day-to-day operations
of how you navigate
being a 40-year-old grandmother.
I plan to just literally bring them
right into my living room
and give them a taste
of my organized chaos one joke at a time.
- [stage manager] Correy?
- Yo.
- [stage manager] Thirty-second warning.
- [Tee] Okay, let's go.
[comic cheering, applauding]
- [Olivia] Go, Correy!
- Y'all better get ready.
- 'Cause I'm ready.
- [Tee] Let's go.
- [Olivia chuckling]
- Let's go. It's that time, y'all.
[Correy] I lied. I'm shaking.
That was just a hype for them. I lied.
I feel anxious. I'm nervous.
The butterflies are there.
But it don't matter.
I'm still like… [shudders]
Let's do it. Let's get it.
[host] …for the one
and only Ms. Correy Bell!
- [audience cheering, applauding]
- [upbeat hip-hop music playing]
And let go of your pain and your fear ♪
'Cause some say that life ain't fair… ♪
Just want y'all to see just how fly I am.
- [audience cheering]
- Y'all see it. Y'all see it.
And see, the young girls,
they confused, because I need y'all
to know what grandmothers look like.
- Where my grandmothers at?
- [audience cheering, applauding]
Gone are the days of the muumuus.
Bitch, we outside!
- [laughs]
- We not watching no more kids.
We catching flights now.
We popping… We popping passports.
That's what we doing.
And I keep trying
to be nice to my daughter.
My daughter had two kids
and she's a great mother.
Like she stayed at home with her babies.
She did what she had to do.
And one day she called me and she said,
"Mom, can the babies come over?"
"I just want to go out with my friends."
And I had to let her know. I said,
"Listen, those are my grandbabies."
"And as long as I got an address, bitch,
they can come over here
anytime that they want to."
- Now, I got to watch what the fuck I say.
- [audience laughing]
[chuckles]
Do y'all know this little bitch
had packed a note in the diaper bag,
like I didn't raise five kids
al-motherfucking-ready.
Like, I don't know what I'm doing.
And this said, "Hey, Mom, this is
Emily's food and her feeding schedule."
"Please do not divert."
First of all, where the fuck
you learn that word from?
[audience laughing]
Bitch, you went to public school.
I did all of your spelling tests.
"Divert" was never on there.
- It was never fucking on there.
- [chuckles]
In this bag, there was a little package,
and it said sweet potatoes,
squash, carrots,
and on the very top, it said "kwee-noah."
- Okay, so listen.
- [audience laughing]
"Kwee-noah. Kwee-noah."
I don't even know what the fuck it is,
an animal, vegetable, or mineral.
I don't know if I'm supposed
to sprinkle the shit on-- Huh?
You say it's what?
[speaks indistinctly]
"Keen-wa"?
Bitch, ain't no "K" or no "W" in there.
- [Kumail laughing]
- [audience laughing]
Q-U-I-N-O-A is "kwee-noah,"
I know that much.
[audience laughing]
You come get this fucking baby,
you trying to raise her credit score.
- [laughs]
- [audience laughing]
Come get this fucking "kwee-noah,"
and you know what, while you at it,
take the "ay-kai" berry out of here too,
because I don't know
what the fuck that is.
[audience laughing]
What you say?
- [audience member] "Ah-cy."
- I'm sorry.
Girl, fuck you.
- [both laugh]
- [audience laughing]
[Correy] A-C-A-I spell "ay-kai."
I ain't never seen an "ay-kai" berry.
I know strawberry, blackberry, blueberry.
Barry White, bitch.
Them the berries I know.
Don't know shit
about no motherfucking "ay-kai" berry.
Fuck her and fuck them grandkids.
My name is Correy Bell.
I love y'all so much. Goodnight!
- Wow, look at that. Wow.
- Very good.
- [audience cheering, applauding]
- [Kevin] Very good.
[Kumail] She's getting a standing ovation.
[energetic hip-hop music playing]
Well, she really knew her voice.
She knew how to get the crowd.
- She was reacting to them.
- [Correy speaking indistinctly]
What the--
- That was amazing.
- What the fuck just happened, bro?
- It was amazing.
- [Correy] That's crazy.
Yeah, you went nuts.
I'm not gonna lie. You went…
I don't even remember if I said my name.
- You did fantastic.
- [Correy] Oh, my God.
I set them up for you though.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [Correy] I set them up.
But also, too, you saw a lot of energy.
- Oh, yeah. She…
- Like you came out. That was a loud voice.
Loud, massive energy.
She grabbed ahold
of that crowd from the beginning.
She came out, never flagged,
- was just always on the offensive.
- [Kevin] Yes.
The goal is to try and get
a standing ovation in five minutes.
That's what you should be going for.
- [cheers, exclaims]
- [empowering hip-hop music playing]
They stood up, and that was crazy.
It was-- I feel amazing. I feel amazing.
I hope-- I hope Kevin
and the judges like it.
I seen her, I got so scared. [chuckles]
My name's Caleb Elliott.
I grew up in North Carolina.
You know, I'm a young person,
but I'm an old comic.
I'm 28 years old,
and I've been doing stand-up for 17 years.
At 14, me and my dad,
we would drive an hour, hour 15,
30 minutes every week,
just for like seven minutes of material.
I would write the jokes,
and then my dad was like my coach.
Like, stand-up became my sport,
and you never think
anything else would come of it
when you're doing it that young.
[host] All right,
you all having a good time?
[audience] Yes!
I am nervous about performing
in Chicago. It's different.
The people are different.
You know, the lifestyle is different.
I'm from the country.
You know, I'm from the South.
I'm excited to see if I can keep up
with all the Chicago comics.
- Chicago, how y'all doing?
- [audience cheering]
My name's Caleb Elliott.
I'm from North Carolina,
so I'm not used to the Chicago ways.
Beautiful woman in here, too.
Good to see y'all.
That's fantastic.
I'm single, just in case anybody…
[audience laughing]
- Please. I, um… [chuckles]
- [audience laughing]
I'm excited. I'm trying to get better--
I'm trying to get better at flirting.
Like, I don't have no game.
I'm trying to get better at spitting game.
Recently, I was in New York,
and I did a show in New York.
After one of the shows, I'm excited
to tell you, after one of the shows,
this girl came up to me.
She was hitting on me after one of the…
- [audience chuckling]
- Okay. Yeah.
Hold your applause.
- No, she… [chuckles]
- [audience laughing]
She was. She was flirting with me.
It was very cool. It was very cool.
I do not have a joke about that.
I've just been telling people.
- So… [laughs] It was so…
- [audience laughing]
[Caleb] It was so exciting.
I didn't know what to do, man.
I was scared. I was scared.
- Great self-deprecation.
- [Caleb] 'Cause I don't have any game.
My friend's like, "You got to flirt.
You got to say something cool back."
And I was like,
"Girl, who did-- who did you…
vote for?"
- Like, I don't know what to say.
- [audience laughing]
Like, dating's always been tough for me
just because I'm… I'm… I'm cute.
[audience laughing]
I know. Y'all stop. Y'all stop.
Stop flirting with me. No, it's--
I'm… I'm adorable.
I am. But I don't-- I don't want to be…
[audience laughing]
…because I'm a man.
- [both laugh]
- [audience laughing]
I'm a grown…
adult male, this is-- this is…
I'm full grown,
this is as big as I get, and…
[audience laughing]
[Caleb] I wish I was sexy, man.
Wish I, you know…
Wish I was like a sexy dude,
you know what I'm saying? You know.
[chuckles] I'm sorry, wait.
I'm sorry. [coughs]
I tried to impersonate
a sexy dude laughing, you know.
[laughs forcibly]
You know what I'm saying?
You gotta rub your chest, too,
if you… [laughs forcibly]
Make it sexy.
That's cool, man. That's cool.
I don't have a…
- I don't have a chest, so I can't…
- [audience laughing]
Hey, I'm Caleb Elliott.
Y'all are great, man.
Thank y'all so much.
- [audience cheering, applauding]
- [upbeat hip-hop music playing]
He did the whole set about one thing.
I like the awkwardness,
I like the self-deprecation.
There was an innocence to it,
but a vulnerability and a likability.
And I think the awkwardness is hard
because he would sometimes let things sit
- for a second before he broke it.
- Yeah, yeah. Stayed in it.
- That takes a lot of confidence…
- Stayed in it.
…to sit in silence, so that was great.
I wish I could do it again.
It's weird because
when you're doing tapings, you're like…
There's like three parts
of your brain working.
- [Caleb] Yeah.
- It's like not just present,
it's also what do I look like?
[Caleb] It's what I look like
and what am I saying?
Yeah. It's like…
it's like Inception in your brain.
- Two, three different voices.
- [Caleb] Yeah.
Because I'm like, "Was I doing--"
Like, I know I said the words right,
but I was like, "What was I doing?"
[Uncle Lazer] Come on, Mr. Cameraman.
They said, "Hey, man, you can't be
like drinking and stuff like that."
And I said, "Pfft!" Come on.
Mm!
To rattlesnakes and condoms,
two things we don't fuck with.
[energetic hip-hop music playing]
I gotta rise like the morning sun… ♪
[Kumail] If you bomb,
you don't feel bad after?
I don't feel… I don't feel a thing.
There's a lesson in it all.
It did not bother me.
I remember every single bomb I've had,
and it was always
the worst night of my life.
- Really?
- [Kumail] Oh, yeah.
I didn't have my first bomb until,
like, I was three or four months in.
- That's what happened to me too…
- [Kumail] Yeah.
…because if it had happened,
I would have given up.
If I had bombed once in my first month,
I would have never done it.
They weren't even angry at me.
- They were sad for me.
- Sad.
- Like, "Oh, he thinks he could do this."
- [Chelsea] Which is worse.
It's so bad when you go out
- and blow all of your good jokes.
- [Keegan] The good jokes, up top.
And then you look
and you have fucking ten minutes left.
- You're like, "Fuck!"
- You're like, "If you didn't like that,
- this is all much worse than that."
- [group laughs]
[upbeat hip-hop music playing]
Wait a minute, bro. Wait a minute now.
If you asked the right person,
you might get one now.
I'm from Cincinnati,
doing comedy for 14 years.
I always thought
I was the funniest motherfucker
in every room I've ever walked in.
- You warmed up?
- I mean, look at me.
- I'm in a sweatsuit.
- [comic 1] Do the warm-up.
- I'm chilling.
- [comic 2] Yeah, do your warm-up.
- [comic 1] Come on. [laughing]
- Man.
Do less. That's my whole warm-up.
Calm down. Be quiet inside.
Remind yourself
you've done all the work already.
Go do that thing you've been doing.
On stage, I'm chilling.
I'd much rather lull you to death
with a couple of jabs
and then hit you with a hook
that you don't see coming.
- Watch me go bomb.
- [comics laughing]
"Go do that thing
you've been doing." [exclaims]
[stage manager]
Michael, time to go to stage.
- [comics cheering, applauding]
- [Tiera] All right, Mike. All right, Mike.
- [host] Michael Turner!
- [upbeat hip-hop music playing]
See you in 4K… ♪
[song fades]
- Hell yeah.
- [audience chuckling]
I like being in a room like this, man.
We're all together in this country.
They try to tell us
how divided we are right now.
We're laughing at the same shit,
smiling at the same shit.
Know what I'm saying?
We're much more unified
than they give us credit for.
You know what I mean?
- [audience cheering, applauding]
- Like, I can tell you one thing.
Can we all come together here and agree
that we're at a point in this country
where we can admit we miss George W. Bush?
[audience chuckling]
No. No.
I forgot how Black
the room was. My bad.
- [chuckling]
- [audience laughing]
- That's funny.
- [Michael] Ride with me on this,
you know what I'm saying?
Here's the thing, man.
I've been reminiscing
about the early 2000s a lot.
One thing I'll say right up,
I'll tell you straight up.
It was easier being
a straight white dude back then.
You know what I'm saying?
I mean, it's still like,
- you know what I mean? But…
- [audience laughing]
The weird thing about being
a straight white dude right now is
we're supposed to act
like it's not going great,
but, like, between you and me,
we're still fucking killing it.
You know what I mean?
Like, I drove here
on a boulevard of green lights.
Like, I'm doing fine.
You know what I'm saying? Like…
[hesitates] Look…
What I-- What I-- The thing about
being a straight white dude right now is
we're supposed to act
like things aren't going great, but it is.
Know what I'm saying? We're doing fine.
But, like, all I know is…
I know this feeling.
- Ooh. You know what I'm saying? [laughs]
- [audience cheering, applauding]
Talking about-- Talking about
being a straight white honky
in the middle of this shit.
You know what I'm saying?
It's easy to be like,
"Man, I'm good. Everything's fine."
And then you get in there and you're like,
"Ooh, I forgot a moment."
And it-- it took all the momentum away.
What I saw was dealing with silence
- took him to a place to where his…
- His rhythm was off.
He couldn't get back to the place…
- [Kumail] You could feel that.
-…of confidence, or the place of…
It's tough. I've been there.
But look, I'm not here
to highlight the bad.
I'm here to find the good and talk about
- where the potholes present themselves.
- [Kumail] Yeah.
I wasn't always a comedian.
I used to be a law professor,
which is generally
how people become comedians.
- But I was nervous to tell my mother.
- [audience laughing]
She was like,
"What are you gonna do for money?"
And I didn't like that she asked that,
so I just gave it back to her.
I was like,
"Well, Mommy, I could prostitute."
[audience laughing]
She was like, "Oh, Elizabeth."
- [audience laughing]
- [thrilling techno music playing]
Yeah, and I was like, insulted--
I'm like, my mommy
doesn't think I could prostitute?
I am a lesbian, I feel like at some point
I got gay enough
I didn't have to tell you, okay?
I'm pretty sure you all knew,
you didn't say anything.
[audience laughing]
It would have been good
for the lesbian stuff to be moved up.
It should be mixed up in there.
- Yeah.
- And now, being a prostitute
- as a lesbian is tough.
- [Kumail] Yeah. Right.
Now it completely opens up
a whole other area of jokes.
I just recently went back
to visit my family, dude.
I've been trying to, like, go back
and, like, visit them more often,
but in doing so, I've had to come
to terms with the fact
that we are white trash.
[audience laughing]
Didn't really think we were,
to be honest with you guys.
[upbeat hip-hop music playing]
Until I was hanging out
with my cousin Abby
and her baby daddy Travis.
He was bitching
about his child support payments, dude.
He's like, "I pay 480 a month per kid."
"Basically like I'm working
to pay for these fucking kids."
[audience laughing]
Yeah. [laughing] Yeah.
I mean, that's the support part, Travis.
I don't know if you knew that, but…
- [audience laughing]
- [chuckles]
[chuckles] He's on parole
right now, too, dude.
It was really good timing.
I 1,000% agree.
Um, I do not think…
the set was strong enough
to change my org of…
- So, he doesn't make the bubble for you?
- No.
Despite all this belly, I have managed
to pick me up a fine-looking lady.
Yeah, hell yeah.
We're thinking
about having this big wedding,
but it's getting
a little out of control, you know?
She's talking about
she wants to have 11 bridesmaids.
That means I gotta come up
with 11 groomsmen.
I don't know 11 people, like…
Like, I already know,
the day of the wedding,
I'm gonna get desperate,
show up to Home Depot
looking for some day laborers.
[audience laughing]
Gonna have two suits in my hands like,
"Does anybody here
know the Cupid Shuffle?"
[audience laughing]
A lot of the punchlines
didn't really have the payoff
that I hoped that they would have.
- Nice little duality.
- The longer the set-up,
the harder
the punchline has to hit, right?
- [host over mic] Chris Higgins!
- [audience cheering, applauding]
[Chris] I pay rent late sometimes.
I don't feel good about it,
but when I do, I try to make up for it.
I try to deliver the rent
to my landlord in person, you know?
Own up to my mistake, man to man,
lord to peasant. [chuckles]
I'll be like… [in British accent]
…"Here are your rents, My Lord."
"I'm so very sorry the doubloons
were tardy this moon cycle,
but as you know,
banditry has been rampant
on the streets these days,
and rent will be late next month.
You take care."
If and when you are addressing
a specific niche,
you have to paint the picture
and make sure
that your audience is able to engage.
- Everybody's gotta come with you.
- You got to make me understand it, right?
- [Kumail] Yeah.
- So, um, I think…
I think in a showcase,
this should be a much more
difficult conversation for us.
- That's right.
- [Kevin] We should be shuffling the puzzle
so much more.
"Wait, but this.
Wait, but what do you think of this?"
- We're not doing that enough.
- Enough.
- That's right.
- A little disappointing.
How were the New York, L.A. showcases?
- Like way…
- Would you say they were stronger
- than this?
- Yes.
Well, that's the other thing.
Those are people who have already
moved to L.A. and New York.
These are people who are still in Chicago
- or Texas or wherever.
- Yes. Yes.
Just needs a little…
- Zhuzhing?
- [Kevin] Yes.
It was a bad show.
You know, you want to see
a lot of strong performances, right?
And I just have to be honest, um,
as a judge and as somebody
that's trying to find this…
this person of new,
it wasn't great.
We're halfway through,
and I'm not loving what I'm seeing so far.
In Los Angeles,
I gave a bubble spot to Papp Johnson.
I think John Cena is the most
accomplished monkey-faced white man…
- [laughs]
- [Papp] …that there ever has been, yeah.
[Kevin] With what I'm seeing
so far here in Chicago,
in the interest of having
a strong group at callbacks,
I think I better
shake things up a little bit.
Papp.
-What's good? This is hilarious.
- Papp Johnson.
Oh, man.
I told you the alt position was one
that I did on the spot.
You know, within this opportunity
to put together
the next version of a five-minute set,
you can shock me
and possibly shock the world.
So, I didn't want to give up on you.
I wanted to see you in the next stages.
Um, and I'm excited, right?
We come back to L.A. and this portion
of the competition, it gets real.
So, stand up, do what you do, show out.
- Appreciate it. Yeah, it's…
- [Kevin] All right, my guy.
- This is amazing.
- I'll see you in Los Angeles, champ.
- [Papp] Thank you, see you soon.
- Yes, sir, all right, bye.
Papp is definitely a comic
that I wanna see more from.
But now it's up to him to deliver
and show that he deserves the spot.
[stage manager] Ron, time to go to stage.
- [Michael] Go do that thing, man.
- [comic] Whoo!
[comics applauding]
I was supposed to go to college
for mechanical and electrical engineering.
When I was in high school,
I was building robots and whatnot.
I was on the robotics team.
So, to go from that to all of a sudden,
"I'm gonna talk about my dick
in front of strangers."
Yeah, it's going to ruffle some feathers.
My parents, they love it now.
- [host] Mr. Ron Taylor!
- [audience cheering, applauding]
[Ron] Winning this competition
could change my life in a number of ways,
because Kevin Hart exposure is great.
Kevin Hart, money,
or a Netflix opportunity,
that would be awesome.
I scoop ice cream, nigga!
Hopefully, I ain't got
to do that no more. [laughs]
All right, let's get this out the way now.
This is my hair. This is not a hat.
- [audience laughing]
- [laughs]
- Shut the fuck up! Don't laugh at that.
- I… I like that.
- I like that.
- [Ron] Listen, I'm progressive.
Hey, you gay, live your life. Be happy.
You lesbian, live your life. Be happy.
You non-binary, live your life.
But I got questions.
[audience chuckling]
I got questions.
I get what it means for the most part.
Non-binary, that kind of means
like you neither or you both.
But you can't have the great qualities
of both genders
and the responsibilities of neither.
- [chuckling] No, no.
- [audience laughing]
I know a lazy motherfucker when I see one.
[audience laughing]
[Ron] You're not about to weasel your way
out of this community work.
We got jobs here.
We split up the workload.
We said, boys do this, girls do this.
I ain't saying it was right,
but we split up the workload.
Now you sitting there
with all these man muscles
in this sexy-ass dress…
[audience laughing]
…and not gonna do nothing? Shit.
You either gonna help us move this couch…
[laughs]
…or start sucking some dick around here.
[audience laughing, applauding]
I don't give a fuck what you do,
but you get to work, goddammit. [laughs]
- [audience laughing]
- [laughs]
[Ron laughing]
Lot of people think
that's a homophobic joke.
I don't think it is.
I'm not homophobic.
I don't feel that at all, right?
I'll tell you something homophobic.
Y'all remember this show…
- [audience laughing]
- [inhales deeply] Shit.
Scared Straight was a show
where they would take badass kids, right,
and they would put them in jail.
And they would talk about
the different ways
in which they would fuck them
in the ass. Just not--
[audience laughing]
Hey, this was the show!
[laughs]
Grown men. "If you was in here,
I'd fuck you in the ass."
- "If you--" [chuckles]
- [audience laughing]
"If you was in there,
I'd make you comb my chest hair
- and fuck you in the ass."
- [Kevin laughing]
Do you understand that's the whole reason
we don't want to go to jail,
is to not get fucked
in the butt? That-- That's it.
[laughs]
I don't want to go to jail.
The police, that's a difficult thing
to-- to deal with, period.
Police be shooting people unarmed.
They always got the same dumbass excuse.
"I feared for my life."
You got a scary job, motherfucker.
You can't be a bitch and the police.
You got to pick one.
And that's my thing,
I know they ain't that scared,
at least not the white ones,
because I've got an Instagram.
I've seen white people.
I've seen them interacting with animals.
No fear. They'll grab a snake…
[exhales sharply] …with no--
They won't--
They won't harm the snake or nothing.
I want to see the same patience
used on a deer in the woods,
on a nigga in the hood. I want that same…
[audience laughing]
"There you go, buddy. You're all right."
"You're all right."
[exhales sharply] "Oh, little feisty!
He's okay. He's okay. Calm down, buddy."
[audience laughing]
"There you go.
There's some Hot Cheetos and Hennessy."
"There you go."
Ladies and gentlemen,
that's my time. I'm Ron Taylor.
That's a very good joke.
Very, very good joke.
[audience cheering, applauding]
I like the coming out,
"My hair looks like this,"
and then immediately, "Fuck y'all, man."
Like, you didn't expect--
He's so likable
- that he can get away with that.
- 1,000%.
- 1,000%.
- He can get away with edgier bits.
You know, he talked about non-binary,
and people get a little like,
"What's this going to be?"
And then he's just so likable.
That, to me, was not malicious.
That's a funny bit.
And his presence, I could feel,
wasn't, like, constructed.
- That's the hardest thing to teach…
- I agree.
…being yourself on stage.
- It's very hard.
- I agree.
- He was my favorite so far.
- Yeah.
[audience cheering]
Fight, spicy, books, toes, not racist.
[upbeat music playing]
[Mason] I am from Columbus,
Texas, a small town.
I mean, it was an amazing childhood.
Parents are great,
which is apparently not good for stand-up.
I'm gonna switch the opener.
This is probably a bad idea.
This could go bad.
Because I'm a Christian, no sex jokes,
no swearing,
but I don't think it's a hindrance.
- [host] Mason James!
- [audience cheering, applauding]
[music concludes]
[Mason] What's up? [chuckles]
So good to be here.
My name is Mason. I'm not racist.
- And…
- [audience laughing]
Yeah, it's good. I've been told
I give off a pretty racist vibe.
And…
I love Black people.
I really do. I love Black people.
I'm serious. Probably my favorite,
besides white, for sure.
- I…
- Jesus Christ. [laughs]
I love Black friends. I would like more.
I just wish the handshake wasn't so scary.
[audience laughing]
This is what I've noticed.
The higher they come in,
the more choreographed it's gonna be.
Black guy comes up this high,
there's dancing involved, dude.
It's like, "What's up?
So good to meet you, man."
[audience laughing]
I'm married to a woman,
regular style, and…
- I…
- [audience laughing, applauding]
I love marriage.
If you're thinking about marriage,
you should do it.
Marriage is awesome. It's up there.
You know, it's right underneath
being single.
- Just very fun.
- [laughs]
[Mason] So good.
She got mad on our wedding day
because I wasn't crying.
She was like, "Why aren't you crying?"
I was like, "I'm not sad." You know?
[audience laughing]
She's like, "Tears of joy."
I was like, "I'm not happy."
So…
[audience laughing]
Her family's cool.
They're a very cool family.
Uh, they're very smart. They love reading.
This last Christmas, we're sitting
around the dining room table.
Everybody's going in circle saying
how many books they read that year.
And I was sitting there sweating,
trying to think of one book, all right?
Just one book
that's not the Bible, you know?
So, finally it was my turn. They go,
"Mason, how many books have you read?"
"Give us your top three."
And now I have to think
of three books, all right?
- Bible's back on the table, you know.
- [laughs]
So, I said the Bible, and then
I made up a book called Roger That.
- And…
- [audience laughing]
They were like, "What's that about?"
I was like, "World War II, I think,"
- you know.
- [laughs]
And then the last book I said,
"To Catch a Mockingbird."
- And, uh…
- [audience laughing]
They were like, "To Kill a Mockingbird?"
And I go, "I love the sequel.
It's awesome, you know?"
[laughs]
All right, you guys are awesome.
My name's Mason.
- Thank you so much. Thank you.
- [audience cheering, applauding]
- Good set.
- The was a smooth set.
Everything flowed.
Great punchlines. Good energy.
How about the boldness to come out…
- Yeah.
-…and have racist humor.
[Kumail] Black is his second favorite
after white.
- That's very funny, looking like that.
- [Kevin] Strong. Very, very strong.
[stage manager] Olivia.
Thirty-second warning for Oliva.
- Yeah! ♪
- [comics cheering]
Let's go, Liv.
- Thanks, guys.
- You got it, baby.
Thank you, baby.
- How you feel? How you feel?
- [Tee] You got it.
- I'm feeling great.
- Hell yeah.
- You look great. You are great.
- Thank you so much.
- The tie looks nice.
- Do you guys like my tie?
- Yeah.
- Love the tie.
- That tie is funny as shit.
- Love the tie.
[stage manager]
All right. Olivia, time to go to stage.
- Okay, I gotta go. I gotta go.
- [Uncle Lazer] Good luck, baby. Good luck.
- Good luck. Good luck. Good luck.
- Thank you. Thank you, babe.
I've been doing comedy for five years.
[host] The one and only,
Ms. Olivia Carter!
[Olivia] I was really bad at school.
I had, like, a learning disability.
So, I think I always felt like
I had, like, a different thing going on
than my peers.
Hello, I'm Olivia. Keep it going for me.
- Yes!
- [audience cheering, applauding]
[Olivia] I'm funny.
I am not good at other things.
It seems like I have to do this
or I'll be a receptionist forever.
My boyfriend really wants me
to call him daddy in bed.
[audience laughing]
And I got really shy when I said it.
And it sounded
like I thought he actually was.
I was like…
- [nervously] …"Daddy?"
- [audience laughing]
My friend was like, "He just wants
to feel like he's in charge."
So, the next time I was like, "Mom!"
[audience laughing]
[both laugh]
Yeah, he came really hard. Um…
- [audience laughing]
- [both laugh]
He's great, though.
The last guy I was seeing
was really close to his ex,
'cause they were still dating.
- [audience laughing]
- [both laugh]
- That's a good line.
- [chuckles]
And my boyfriend, he used to do
this thing at the beginning
where he would talk about
other women being hot to me,
like a fool.
And I had to tell him
the only time you can talk about
another woman's appearance with me
is if there's, like, an open casket.
[audience laughing]
You know, you can say one time,
"She was beautiful."
[audience laughing]
And I'm going to be like,
"Well, she got her makeup done."
"And she hasn't eaten in days."
[audience laughing]
[laughter continues]
And my sister, she's got two kids
named George and Walter.
And I agreed to watch them one time 'cause
I thought they'd be elderly men. Um…
- [audience laughing]
- [both laugh]
But it's got me thinking
about my eggs, right?
At my age, I have like, 400,000 left.
That's a lot of people, you know?
That's a lot of white people.
It's starting to feel like a rally.
[audience laughing]
So, I applied to sell them,
but did you know you can't sell your eggs
if you have any tattoos
or any history of, like,
obsessive drinking or drug usage?
I was like, what kind of women
do you think are selling their eggs?
- You know? Um…
- [audience laughing]
Beggars can't be choosers, you know.
[laughs]
- I'm Olivia Carter, thank you, goodbye.
- [Kevin] I love it. I love it.
- [audience cheering, applauding]
- [Kevin] I love it.
[exciting hip-hop music playing]
[exclaims]
- Short set up, very short set up.
- I love it.
- I love it.
- Many, many punchlines for a minute.
Great, great joke writing.
The number of jokes
that we got during that set.
That might have been
the highest density of jokes we've seen.
- Quick, great use of five minutes.
- You could see she knows
how to do five minutes.
That's exactly what I was gonna say.
That was a very, very good set. Strong.
- [comics cheering, applauding]
- Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
- How we doing Chicago, we good?
- [audience cheering, applauding]
Now, I'm from--
I'm from-- I'm from Atlanta.
Atlanta-- Atlanta a rough place.
Atlanta rough.
Other day, this lady asked me,
she was like,
"Oh, Dan, can you walk me to my car?"
And I was like, "Sure thing."
And as soon as we got to her car,
I'm like, "Can you drive me to mine?"
- [chuckles]
- [audience laughing]
- 'Cause, bitch, I'm 115 pounds.
- [laughs]
You thought this was a one-way trip?
'Cause, ladies, it's a dick move
to ask someone to walk you
to your car 'cause it's dangerous outside,
and then you just leave them there.
[audience laughing]
[laughs]
You know how many times I've walked
a woman to her car at midnight,
we get to her car, I'm like,
"Oh, damn, I guess
I gotta walk back by myself."
She's like, "Oh, that's crazy, goodnight."
[audience laughing]
Why is it that when you're walking
a woman to her car,
the city is the safest it's ever been,
and then as soon as you drop her off,
it turns to Gotham?
[audience laughing]
Right? You just walking back to your car,
crackheads trying
to make you solve riddles.
[chuckles] They're like,
"Hey, young blood,
what's shaped like a rock
but gets you high?"
- [audience laughing]
- [Kevin laughing]
You're like, "Nigga, crack."
[laughs]
- "The answer's crack."
- [laughs]
Everyone in Atlanta wants to own a gun.
I was walking
with my white friend downtown Atlanta.
He was like, "Hey, bro, we good."
- And he pulls up his shirt, and he's got…
- [audience cheering]
All right, chill out.
[cheering continues]
- He pulls up his shirt…
- [audience member speaking indistinctly]
- Fuck you. He p-- [chuckles]
- [audience laughing]
- Bitch, I'm trying to win something!
- [laughs]
[laughs] That's funny.
Not now!
I'm staying at the AC hotel,
though, if you wanna…
[audience laughing, applauding]
Trying to ignore her ass.
I'm like, "Keep my eye on the dream."
[laughs]
Goddamn orange hair distracting me.
- [Kevin] I like that.
- [Daniel] Fuckin' A.
I fuckin' like that.
Seasoned, didn't let it throw him off.
- Hit a joke in the moment of like…
- Yeah.
I will admit though, men,
we don't know how to be safe.
'Cause I was doing a private event
for a rapper the other day
and I was leaving,
and he was like, "Hey, man,
text me when you get home safe."
And I was like, "Nigga, I'd rather die."
[audience laughing]
I'd rather get robbed, shot,
than to text another grown man…
"Hey, bro, got home safe."
[audience laughing]
And then he double taps it,
and that heart pops up.
[chuckles]
My name's Daniel Dellanno,
I really appreciate y'all.
- [Kumail] Yeah.
- [Kevin] You know what?
- You know what? I liked it. I liked it.
- That guy was very good.
I liked it.
[Kumail] He had good material,
- good presence.
- I liked it.
A lot of riffing with the crowd,
went back to the material.
That's very hard to do.
Even seasoned comedians
struggle getting back.
Yes. Yes.
Going into that audience the way you did…
- Yeah.
- [Correy] Yeah.
No, I appreciate it. It was a lot of fun.
Like you said, it was a lot of fun.
[Olivia] You're a star,
and you got a girl.
- You say what?
- [Olivia] And you got a girl.
And I know. And I got a girl out of it.
Look at that.
- I'm leaving with something.
- Oh, boo.
- I'm leaving with something.
- There it is. You done that.
Right now, if… if I had to choose,
- I got Ron, Correy.
- [Kumail] Olivia?
- I like Olivia. I like Olivia.
- [Kumail] Yeah.
- [Kumail] Yeah, Olivia's great.
- Right? Now, the question is,
do you put his set above Caleb?
I don't know. It's close.
This is where it gets good for you and I,
because now we're going to have to…
- make a decision.
- It's gonna be tough.
- [host] I need y'all to make some noise.
- It's getting tough.
I had a little bit of fear in me.
But Chicago is starting to turn it around,
and now we have
a really crazy pool of talent.
[stage manager]
Thirty-second warning for Uncle Lazer.
- Let's go, Lazer!
- [stage manager] Loosen up, Lazer.
- Loosen up. Do what you gotta do, man.
- I'mma see y'all on the other side.
- [Tee] There you go. Let's go.
- [Aidan] Yeah.
I've only been doing comedy four years.
I worked at an oil field
for 12 years before comedy.
Yeah!
New Mexico, Louisiana,
Ohio, Pennsylvania, everywhere,
just drilling holes in the ground.
When I quit my job, I was making
half a million dollars a year.
And I got to tell my daddy,
"Hey, I'm quitting this oil field job
and I'm going to be a comic."
[host] Give it up
for the single mother slayer, Uncle Lazer!
[Uncle Lazer] This is the biggest
opportunity of my motherfucking life.
I want to win this.
Just to prove,
not to anybody else but myself,
that quitting that job
and starting all over at the age of 30,
it could fucking work.
Chicago, how the fuck
we feeling now, baby?
- [audience cheering, applauding]
- Oh, shit.
Hey, baby.
Lot of pretty women out
in this motherfucker, I tell you what.
Hey, for co-- I'm Uncle Lazer.
[audience chuckling]
And I am the single mother slayer.
Where them single mothers at?
Let me hear you holler.
[audience cheering]
I know. I can smell y'all.
I can smell y'all.
Y'all out here smelling like
turkey bacon in the microwave.
- I get it. [grunts]
- [audience laughing]
But they're sexually aggressive now.
And, look, I'm gonna be honest.
I like a woman that had a couple kids.
I like that pussy wallowed out, you know?
[audience laughing]
Like, if that shit don't look
like a mud flap
on the back of an 18-wheeler
just blowin' around in the breeze,
I don't want no part of it.
Because I'm gonna be honest with y'all.
Dead ass. I'm gonna be honest with y'all.
Hey, tight pussy make me claustrophobic.
You hear me? It makes me claustrophobic.
I've seen this one little
single mother though.
You know, we like fooling around.
You know what it's like,
the new time you fuck somebody.
You like… [moans, slurps]
But she got up on some weird shit.
She's like, "Hey,
I want you to make this pussy fart."
[audience laughing]
I said, "Do what?"
She said, "I want you
to make this pussy fart."
I said, "Can I talk to it first?"
[audience laughing]
And she said, "Yeah, you can talk to it."
She go, "What that mouth do?"
[audience laughing]
And I said, "Hey,
let me not tell you, let me show you."
- [plays blues tune on harmonica]
- [audience laughing]
And that pussy queefed
and let me tell you something,
it startled me and I said,
"What was that?"
She said, "That's my pussy
leaving you a review."
My name's Uncle Lazer,
y'all been fucking great!
- [upbeat music playing]
- [audience cheering, applauding]
We out here!
At the end of the day,
we're all humans, you know,
so just because I'm like,
my shit is different, you know,
and I talk different, I look different,
we still all go through the same shit,
you know what I'm saying?
So, I just relay it
in a different way than others.
Just be somebody that somebody wants
to be stuck in an elevator with,
because nobody wants
to be stuck in an elevator
with a fucking asshole.
- Uncle Lazer.
- The jokes are funny, obviously.
- Yes. Yes.
- Great energy, great energy.
I'd want to see what an hour
of that looks like, you know?
Because everybody else, you see,
like, even if they're staying
on topic for five minutes,
I can extrapolate that
to what an hour is like.
With him, I don't know,
does that, like, run out of steam?
- "I'm this… I'm the single mom slayer."
- [Kumail] Yeah.
And, okay, you know, what…
- Yeah. What else are you? Yeah.
- What else? Yeah, what else?
- What else is there about you?
- [Kumail] What are your parents like?
- What else is interesting about you?
- Yeah.
I'm terrified.
I'm sweating under my titties.
[comic] Okay.
- Yeah. Same.
- You got sweat under your titties?
- Yeah, my titties are fully soaked.
- Okay. [laughs]
You definitely just broke my nerves.
- You're not alone.
- [Tiera] I needed that.
[Chris] Yeah, you're not alone.
- Thank you, baby.
- You got 'em.
Anything on my teeth?
[dramatic hip-hop music playing]
Okay.
- [host] Cousin Tiera!
- [audience cheering, applauding]
[Tiera] Hello, family.
I'm embracing 40,
especially when I'm dating.
I'm dating now.
I'm back out here on the dating scene,
and I'm happy about it.
At 40, you can date the father or the son.
- That's funny. [chuckles]
- [Tiera] Get you a little CEO
- or a little janitor. It don't matter.
- [Kevin chuckling]
You got to be careful out here
who you date though,
because you start dating,
and these boys see you at 40
and be trying to get you pregnant at 40,
and I can't do that.
Uh-uh. Miss Tiera can't have
no kids by you, sugar.
They talking about,
"Why, what's the reason?"
"I think we would make beautiful babies."
I said, "Well, first of all,
my nigga, you got eczema."
[audience laughing]
All the bad characteristics
come from the daddy.
Y'all know I ain't lying.
Could y'all imagine,
40-year-old me with a small baby,
crying at 2:00, 3:00 in the morning.
I'm trying to figure out what's wrong
with the motherfucker.
I'm giving him a bottle, a pacifier,
a blanket, a nipple.
- Whole time this nigga neck itch?
- [audience laughing]
I ain't having no itchy-ass baby.
- Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
- [chuckles] Very funny.
I do a lot of things.
An itchy baby is not on my forecast.
I'm y'all favorite, Cousin Tiera.
It was good seeing y'all.
Goodnight!
- [audience cheering, applauding]
- That felt like one set
- that was, like, worked through.
- One set. One bit. One bit.
Punchlines… Every few seconds,
there was something funny.
Great energy.
Very comfortable on stage too.
- Yeah, for sure. For sure.
- [Kevin] She's very comfortable. Yeah.
Also, Cousin Tiera,
that's a fun, like, little vibe to set up.
Like, "Hey, I'm just
your cousin talking to you."
[mumbles] Be funny.
One of the toughest hurdles
of being a female comic is being treated
like I was not too much of a threat.
Whole time, I'm that nigga.
You know what I mean?
But they don't need to know that.
Hopefully, this will change my life
by giving me the exposure to people
who didn't know I existed,
who didn't know how funny I was
on the stand-up tip.
Kevin Hart gets to see me.
It changes my life right there.
[host] Tee Sanders!
- [audience cheering, applauding]
- [energetic music playing]
Hold on.
Look at all the niggas mad as hell.
- He said, "Thick bitch." What up?
- [audience cheering]
Y'all mad, ain't ya?
You ain't seen a nigga bitch
with waist beads? What's up?
[both chuckle]
Fellas, don't be mad.
I just wrapped up
my ten-year gay contract, nigga.
- I'm a free agent now, nigga.
- [audience cheering, applauding]
- [laughs] My ten-year gay contract.
- [Tee] Hell yeah.
I can't wait to come back to y'all,
boy, I swear to God.
I miss y'all. I've been gay ten years.
I wish I would've read the fine print
on this motherfucker.
I'm going back to niggas, all right?
- [audience cheering]
- [Tee] Whoo!
And I miss the attention from y'all.
I miss the attention.
I miss feeling a little creeped out
and uncomfortable.
- I miss that shit!
- [audience laughing]
- [Tee] I miss it!
- Oh, fuck, man.
White boys, y'all not exempt. [chuckles]
[audience laughing]
Uh-huh. Fun fact,
the last guy I fucked was white.
[audience cheering, applauding]
Mm! And, ladies,
let me tell y'all right now,
the stereotype is not true, baby.
[Kumail laughing]
They got fucked up credit too.
[audience laughing]
Huh? Oh, you thought
I was gonna talk about the dick?
- No, no.
- [audience laughing]
- [exclaims]
- [laughs]
- [Tee] Hey.
- [audience cheering, laughing]
I'm getting me a fat nigga.
Yeah, I want me a big boy, you hear me?
Mm-hmm, 'cause I still need titties.
- Does that make sense? Like…
- [audience laughing]
- [audience member] Two in one.
- I still need something to hold on to.
A big nigga, I want him serving crack.
No, not drugs, bitch, ass.
- Like, I want crack.
- [audience laughing, applauding]
You know it's a big nigga.
I need a nigga
that when he get in the car,
he get in there like a Tetris piece.
Does that make sense?
A Tetris piece.
Because y'all regular small niggas,
y'all just get in there.
I need motherfuckers
that get in like this and turn.
Does that make sense?
[both laugh]
Well, my name is Tee Sanders.
Thank y'all so much for having me.
I love y'all. Bye-bye.
- [upbeat hip-hop music playing]
- [audience cheering, applauding]
- [Kevin] Very.
- That was great.
- [Kevin] Very.
- [grunts]
Tee, hard fucking hitter.
It was strong material.
She's very funny.
She's very naturally funny.
Here's an example of words with punchlines
attached to who I am,
where I'm from, what I'm doing here,
what I'm excited about.
Tee blew it out the water.
[groans] It was just like
they was just there.
- Yeah.
- It was the best crowd you could do.
Yeah.
- Fire.
- It makes you shake.
I was shaking when I got off.
I was just like…
- Because while you're there, you're like…
- Yeah!
…"Okay, this is good. I'm eating."
- "Go, go, go."
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- When you get off, you're like… [whimpers]
- Yeah, I had tears. I had tears too. Yeah.
- Yeah.
[exciting hip-hop music playing]
[producer] Comedians,
please assemble backstage.
[Chris] Kumail and Kevin
judging my stand-up, uh…
A nerve-wracking experience.
[Olivia] It, like, feels crazy.
Like, the prize is insane.
Like, what? A Netflix special?
- We killed that shit.
- From open to beginning.
- Kudos to each and every one of y'all.
- Amazing. Amazing. I heard it.
There's a crazy variety
of talent and comedian and style.
I think Caleb was great.
I think Mason was great.
Mason was really, really, really good.
But then Uncle Lazer,
"Here I am, the mother slayer,"
and Cousin Tiera, "I'm older, I'm 40,"
whereas Correy was like,
"Look, I'm a grandma now."
Correy was also really good
at reacting to the crowd.
- [Kevin] Yes.
- [Kumail] You know?
- That was a very strong showcase.
- [Kevin] Very strong showcase.
- It's so hard.
- That's what makes it great.
Let's go tell them
who's coming to Los Angeles.
- Done. Done. All right, come on.
- Let's do it.
[music concludes]
- [Kevin] What's up, y'all?
- [comics cheering, applauding]
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
All right, shuffling this board today
came with a lot of debate.
You know that we said
we're taking a handful of comedians?
And I've decided to take six.
That will represent
our Chicago portion of this competition.
My first choice today.
[suspenseful hip-hop music playing]
I'm terrified. I'm really not sure,
and that's making me more nervous.
- Ron, man, you got down. Okay?
- [Correy] Yeah!
- [comics applauding]
- Yeah, Ron.
I just love your confidence, man.
I love your cadence on stage.
I love that there's an edginess to the guy
that you would not expect to curse.
- Mm-hmm.
- [Kevin] Your material shone bright.
[Ron] I took all them days off work,
so I feel vindicated.
I'm glad they enjoyed the stuff I did.
Imagine if I didn't make it, I'd just be
at home twiddling my thumbs like this.
When there's all this great ice cream
I could've been scooping.
[Kumail] Number two.
Goddamn grandma. We gotta--
We gotta go to the grandma next.
[comics cheering, applauding]
You did a great job. I loved it.
I-- I-- I think it was unique.
I think your material was very true
to who you are,
and I was with you every step of the way.
Uh, number three.
Tee. Goddamn, man. Another dose of,
like, some raw fucking crazy energy.
Uh, and it's necessary. It's needed.
The special thing about stand-up comedy.
[dramatic hip-hop music playing]
[Kumail] Number four.
Liv, I got to put you in there.
- Oh, shit. Thanks.
- [Kevin] You were fucking amazing.
Crazy.
I was thoroughly impressed with just
how you dissected that five-minute set.
- Thanks.
- And it looked so comfortable.
- [Olivia] Thanks, dude.
- You made that performance your own.
- [comic] Yeah, man.
- [Kevin] Down to the last couple.
Uh… Daniel, I found a heavy level
of laughter in your material.
There's a dope-ass quality to you,
an amazing pizzazz,
and there's an amazing pop
that I felt like you had.
Uh, our last one.
[Kumail] Everybody was
really, really good.
And this is why
I don't like comedy competitions.
For this fucking moment.
I don't-- I don't look at this
as a bad moment, though.
I do.
There's so many funny people
that can't go ahead.
I am different and I am optimistic.
All the things that I felt
I should have had, I never got.
SNL, I should have had it.
I was right there.
Why didn't they fucking give it to me?
If I would have got it,
I wouldn't have fucking become
the movie star that I am now.
Soul Plane, that shit
should have broke the box office.
If it would have had that success,
then I probably wouldn't have
got the movies that I got after.
I wouldn't have been able to go and cameo
and make the relationships
that ultimately got me
in front of the best producers
and the best writers in town.
It's a business of opportunity.
It's a business
of being ready for the moment
that you don't even know is coming.
You have no idea
what your fucking moment is.
It's going to present itself
when you least expect it.
And the question is,
is will you be ready for it?
I'm just going to rip the Band-Aid off
and say who it is
because I don't think
we need the drum roll.
[dramatic hip-hop music playing]
We made the choice to say, Caleb,
we want to see you perform again.
- You go to the next stage.
- [comics applauding]
I can tell that you're a smart writer.
And I can tell that there's a lot
in that comedy bag.
- So…
- That's crazy.
- [comics applauding]
- That's actually crazy.
Congrats to those that were chosen,
and to those that weren't,
my advice to you, exchange numbers.
[Kumail] Yeah,
that's the other side of this.
It's the community. It's the support.
I started stand-up comedy
here in Chicago, open mics.
I'm still friends
with everybody I did comedy with.
I don't like to think of comedy
as being a competition.
I like to think of it
as being collaborative.
[Kevin] Exchange numbers. Keep in contact.
Thank you guys for being a part
of the competition.
- Thank you, guys.
- [Kevin] I appreciate you.
- [Kumail] Thank you, guys.
- [Kevin] Peace.
- [indistinct chatter]
- [Aidan] Congrats, man.
It was definitely an honor
to share the stage with y'all.
I'm putting on for Chicago.
And if you're coming from the L.A. group
or the New York group,
please be ready because Chicago
is definitely about to break it.
Know that.
Gotta be go-time, go-time… ♪
["Win Or Lose, It's What I Do" playing]
Thirty thousand miles above
We high altitude… ♪
[sighs] To make it out of the first round,
into callbacks,
I'm… [exhales] I'm grateful.
To be here in Hollywood
and perform at The Comedy Store…
The Comedy Store is legendary.
There's so many people
that would kill to be where I am,
and I don't take that shit lightly.
- [Olivia] Can we dab?
- Okay.
- Ooh, wow.
- That's good, that's good, that's good.
Are y'all nervous or what?
It's intense because
now the competition's more fierce.
I know these people.
These are all great comics, so it's very…
You gotta bring your game
and you can't… you can't just relax.
You can't just be like, "No, I got this."
- [mumbles indistinctly]
- [Ray] Wow. You're here too?
My guy. My guy.
Getting the call from Kevin was surreal.
I feel amazing.
Yeah, yeah, we're here.
- So now, we're talking.
- [indistinct chatter]
- Oh.
- We're talking. We're talking. [chuckles]
The fact that Papp got a bubble spot,
I'm not gonna sleep on that.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, they created a spot for him,
and I've seen what Papp can do
out here as a L.A. comic.
So glad I could catch the bus here.
This round could change everything
because you're going against
some great comedians.
Caitlin Peluffo, she's hilarious,
she's filthy, she's got it.
Ron Taylor, one of the best
comedians in the world.
Felicia Folkes
crushed talking about chemo.
First time in this competition,
I've been very nervous.
- [man] Hey, guys.
- [comics cheering, applauding]
- Oh, my God.
- Whoo!
["Backwardz" playing]
Say they ready for the show
I don't know, I don't know ♪
Hit another stage
Gotta go, gotta go ♪
Turned another page
Other chapter long ago ♪
Handling this business
Like a pro, like a pro ♪
Stay authentic
We gone get it ♪
We drop in it
Represented ♪
We jumped in it
Gotta keep it hot ♪
- With the true sauce in ♪
- Never gone stop ♪
- That's proof we wit it ♪
- Never gone stop ♪
- We will never quit it ♪
- Never gone stop ♪
- This just the beginning ♪
- Never gone stop ♪
You thought that it ended, admit it ♪
We gone keep it movin', yeah
'Cause there ain't no other way ♪
Only way to do it, yeah
Do it every single day ♪
Gotta keep the focus, yeah
Locked in and loaded, man ♪
That's the way we do it, yeah
You must have it backwardz, and ♪
- Backwardz, backwardz, backwardz ♪
- Yeah, you got it ♪
-Backwardz, backwardz, backwardz ♪
- Yeah, you got it ♪
Backwardz, backwardz, backwardz ♪
[music concludes]