Golden Axe (2026) s01e03 Episode Script

1
In the expanding shadows
of Death Adder's evil,
Gilius Thunderhead
and Hampton Squib make their way
toward the dark fortress
of Death Adder's faithful minion,
Damned Hellstrike.
Damned Hellstrike?
That's a bizarre name.
I wonder if he's a bad guy.
He's probably a bad guy.
Gilius, I've been working
on a new battle cry
for when I face
Damned Hellstrike.
Check it out. Yeah!
Ha! You're crazy if you think
you're ready to face
Damned Hellstrike.
You need more training.
Well, then train me.
I am, and the first lesson
starts now.
Finally!
What'd you have in mind?
Carrying buckets of water
up a hill, down a hill.
Just tell me where
you want the buckets, Gilius.
I'm dying over here.
There's no buckets.
You're gonna fight those guys.
The one-eyed marauders?
-Why would I fight them?
-They're mad at you
for stealing their eye patches.
Catch.
But I didn't take these.
We have to tell them.
-In you go.
-Gilius!
Hey! Look, way over there.
That skinny guy's
got our eye patches.
How can you tell
with only one eye?
Wait. Do you have two eyes?
Wha-What? No.
We're one-eyed marauders.
You can't maraud with us
if you got both.
All right, all right.
I lied about that.
But everything else
I said was true.
Even when you said
I'm a good singer?
Attack!
Aah! Whoa!
Did you see that, Gilius?
I parried an arrow.
I'm an arrow-parrier.
Ah, great start. Now fight back.
Right, of course. I will.
What do you suggest I do?
What do you mean?
You have a legendary weapon.
Use the blade.
Right. Stand back, bandits,
for I wield
the Emerald Blade!
Oh. Okay, um, how about Yah!
I said yah!
Yah? Y Ouch!
Man down! Full-grown man down!
Absolutely pathetic display,
Hampton.
Thank the gods
I didn't put you up
against the two-eyed marauders.
Yah!
No, wait, we wanted to fight
the skinny guy!
Gilius, if I die, tell my parents
I died.
They'll know what you mean.
My eye!
While Gilius
struggles to train his protégé,
his former companions Ax
and Tyris have already arrived
on Damned Hellstrike's doorstep.
-A toast!
-Wait,
are they drinking
the night before a battle?
So irresponsible.
Tomorrow we scale
the Ancient Mound
and vanquish
the fiend Damned Hellstrike.
My mother always said,
"A hearty meal warms the heart
before a hearty,
heartfelt battle."
She wasn't the best with words.
She sounds like a great warrior.
She was not.
She was a gentle,
defenseless soul,
who was slain quite easily
by Death Adder's minions.
Thank you, Tyris,
for that wonderful reminder
of the painful circumstances
surrounding
my mother's tragic death.
Anytime.
I know how hard it is
to lose one parent
because it happened
to me twice.
She thinks because
both of her parents were killed
by Death Adder, that she's
a better fighter than me.
I do. It's twice as sad
and therefore
-makes me twice the warrior.
-I don't know.
I'm pretty tough
and everyone I care about
is doing fine.
Surely, you have faced
some horrific tragedy
that has spurred you
to become a hero.
Village destroyed?
Friend murdered?
Ran over by an evil horse?
It happened to a bard I know.
He swore vengeance
against all horses.
I'm not saying I agree.
Nah, I'm trauma-free.
I fight because I like adventure.
Pain and vengeance are what
makes warriors great.
What fuels you
to destroy your enemies
if not for the visceral memory
of your parents being gutted
in front of you at 12 years old?
Hearing your father's gurgling
screams as he slips away.
"Hold me, Tyris.
"I'm so cold.
"I see the black mountain.
Avenge me."
Well, I for one
think it's refreshing.
A new generation of heroes
who don't need to witness
the horrors of the world
to do what we do best:
endlessly kill
reanimated skeletons.
I'll drink to that.
"Avenge me."
Wake up, kid.
Ow. What the
Oh, Gilius. I know
we're brand-new friends, but
I don't really love
being woken up that way.
Oh. And what is your preference?
Well, it starts
with a back tickle,
but that's only the beginning
Okay, I don't like that
when I'm awake either.
-Where are we, by the way?
-This
-is Tender Hamlet.
-Whoa!
-I've brought you here because
-No, no, don't tell me.
Two adventurers
arrive at a small town
in the middle of a larger quest.
Evil must be afoot.
I bet I can figure it out.
Hampton, there's no evil afoot.
A town crier.
The first clue.
Hear ye, hear ye.
I love my bell.
Huh. Didn't seem
worth town-crying about.
The evil must be elsewhere.
Hampton, I promise you,
this is a nice place.
Nothing is ever
as it seems, Gilius.
Danger could be anywhere
I'm deeply sorry.
Not necessary.
Human connection
is always appreciated.
Terrific boots, by the way.
Now, do me a favor
and have a great day.
What a nice bird.
Doesn't seem evil,
but anything's possible, I guess.
Hampton, listen to me.
Help me! Oh, please, gods,
-help me!
-There it is a cry for help.
Oh, thank gods.
I'm the mayor and two strangers
have arrived in town
and I haven't personally
welcomed them!
Two strangers?
That could possibly be bad.
-We're the strangers.
-Indeed you are.
Welcome to Tender Hamlet.
The tenderest place
in all of Yuria.
Okay. And are there
any foul doings about town?
Well, I don't think so.
Look around.
We've got a tavern
where the mead is free.
A barbershop
where haircuts cost one hug.
And, you know we have
a thriving theater scene.
That's my one-man show.
I sing some songs,
tell a few jokes,
but it's mostly character work.
Ooh!
I'll set aside some tickets
-for you.
-You see?
Nothing going on.
Hmm. He almost had me fooled.
But when someone invites you
to a one-man show,
you can be certain
his intentions are evil.
Hampton!
Tender Hamlet is a nice place.
Disgustingly so.
That is why I'm leaving you here.
What?
You couldn't even handle
the one-eyed marauders.
You're not ready
for what we're up against.
Now, I know you're gonna
want to argue with me
and I am not interested
in doing that sober, so
let's go off to the tavern.
Mm.
Hey, there. You look
like you're feeling down.
Might I suggest you stop
by the town compliment hut?
Whoa! You look like
you've been working out.
What? We've never met.
You look good, bud.
Shoulders are looking wide.
You're leaving me?
But but-but
it just doesn't make sense.
Dry those tears.
Two meads, on the house.
Just like always.
Ugh, mead is disgusting.
I'll stick to my fetid wine
stored in a goat's belly,
thank you.
Why are you doing this?
This is for your own good.
You can't fight,
can't use the Emerald Blade.
Honestly, is there anything
you are good at?
I'm a pretty good grandson.
Both my grandmas say so.
It's my fault for believing
in some silly fairy tale.
Which is why,
instead of killing you
and ditching your body
in the road,
I'm leaving you here.
But I'm destined
to be a great hero.
All I need is a supportive,
patient father figure to help
nurture my hidden talents.
Well, I don't have
that kind of time.
I'm going to prove you wrong,
Gilius Thunderhead.
Mark my words.
You will woo this day.
Really, I'm gonna "woo" it?
I'm gonna woo this day?
You know I meant "rue."
Woo. Woo.
The moment of Damned
Hellstrike's defeat has arrived.
-Oh, this is gonna be fun!
-It's not supposed to be fun.
It's supposed to be a cathartic
release of internal rage!
Look at him. There's just
no way you can fight
that ferociously without
some sort of internal turmoil.
-Tyris, focus.
-I am focused.
Are you sure you haven't
lost a cousin or something?
Maybe moved around a lot
as a child?
Thank you, Chronos.
Excellent in battle, as always.
It's just what us kitty-cats do.
Tyris.
I have something
to tell you both.
That scenario
I brought up last night
the one about
a 12-year-old girl named Tyris
seeing her father's guts spilled?
Well, that was me. I was Tyris.
And that was Tyris' father.
And Tyris' father was my dad.
And dad means father.
I can't believe I was friends
with someone who was
in a scenario.
But now that I've seen
Chronos fight,
it seems the death of my parents
was just a meaningless act
that brought me no advantages.
Heavy stuff.
Do you guys smell that?
Aah.
Wow, he
he really hates cages.
I never got to bury my parents.
"Woo the day?"
Ugh! Great start
on proving yourself, Hampton.
Oh
Hey, you're sitting on my bench.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Don't apologize, move.
You're not very nice.
In fact, you're the first
not-nice person I've met
-in this entire hamlet.
-Thanks.
Name's Dry Arthur.
Been sober ten years,
feels like 20.
That's why you're
in such a bad mood, mm-hmm.
No, sober people can be fun.
I mean, I'm not,
but it is possible.
I'm rude because I can be.
Everyone else in Tender Hamlet
has been enchanted to be nice.
Dare I say
tender.
No, no. No. Nice.
Nice is the right word.
So, you're telling me
this whole town
is under an enchantment?
Yup.
Hey, you broke my hut!
Good job.
It's in the mead.
Yes! Something is afoot
in this town.
This is the perfect opportunity
to prove myself to Gilius.
Gods, it is so hard
to make friends as an adult.
What do you want?
-How hot is the hot pretzel?
-Scalding.
I'll make it work.
Gilius, you were wrong.
There is something
going on in this town.
Nope. No use trying
to change my mind, kid.
You're staying here.
Okay, option B.
Let's share a mead before you go.
If this disgusting honey wine
will keep you in this hamlet,
then bottoms up.
Ugh. Yeah,
that's still disgusting.
I feel, ugh, I-I feel
I feel
I feel well and truly
grateful for it.
-It worked!
-What worked?
Nothing. Have more mead.
Wow! You'd make a great waiter.
But to be fair, you'd be
great at a lot of things.
Chef, model.
Oh, this one's crazy
blacksmith?
Oh, I don't know,
everything's so heavy
and I have these
little chicken wrists.
Don't you dare let that stand
in the way of your dream.
You know, my real dream
is to become an adventurer.
What's stopping you?
Technically, you.
But if you're on board,
then maybe I should
come with you to fight
Damned Hellstrike after all?
Well, I see no reason why not.
Oh, I can't wait
to eat my pretzel.
Starting to feel a little guilty.
Hey, you listen to me.
Never let anyone make you feel
guilty about anything.
Okay.
Fare thee well, Tender Hamlet.
I will tell tales
of your hospitality.
But now we must venture forth
to defeat Damned Hellstrike.
But first there's something
important we need to do.
Gather supplies?
Splash in the fountain!
Okay. Okay, I'm done,
I'm done, I'm done.
So, we can go
after Damned Hellstrike?
Who cares
about Damned Hellstrike?
That guy's painting caricatures.
I like axes and he likes daggers.
Sor-Sorry, I didn't mean
to speak for you,
I'm just really excited.
The hell?
Oh, hey guys. You made it.
Chronos. Hey, bud.
You, uh, want to tell us
what happened?
I won the fight.
All right, uh,
care to go into details?
Sure.
I went left and right,
jumped a couple times,
few kicks,
you know how battles go.
Figured I'd wait for you
to take on
Damned Hellstrike.
Throne room
is just down the hall.
Uh, why do you know that?
Beats me. I have no memory
of this place.
I'm worried about Chronos.
Do you think he got
enough sleep last night?
All right,
raise your hand
if you've ever mixed up
the town crier
with the town friar.
Whoa, that's more
than I expected.
Does it get any better
than a one-man show?!
Hey, uh, after this,
I was thinking
that we should finally go after
Damned Hellstrike.
Or, better i
or, better idea
what if we invited him here?
I think he'd love this place!
Now I'm gonna need
a volunteer from the audience
who loves to smile.
Me! Pick me!
You're talking about me!
First rule of showbiz,
always pick the person
who wants it most.
Get up here, Gilius!
This show blows, huh?
Oh, hey, Dry Arthur.
Good to see you.
Uh, that's a lie.
So I tell you
the whole town's enchanted
and you enchant your friend?
Yeah, but I think
it's kind of backfiring.
Any idea how to sober up a dwarf?
One day at a time.
Ah, I swear I was so funny
when I was a drinker.
I-I don't
I don't think you were.
Hello?
Bar maiden. I know
what you're doing to this town,
and I need to know
how to reverse it.
You know that I'm enchanting
people to be nice?
That's right. I know everything.
So that I can kill them
and use their body parts
in my evil stew?
That part is new to me.
When Death Adder's evil hordes
march through this part of Yuria,
they'll be
in need of nourishment.
And they will gain
powerful strength
from my enchanted feast.
And if I have a little left over,
I'm gonna make
a potpie just for me.
Why can't you just
make the stew out of veggies?
Oh, wow, a witch!
Time to add our main ingredient.
Ooh, scary.
Citizens of Tender Hamlet,
prepare to die.
Big cauldron.
Well, I'll be Damned.
The prodigal son has returned.
Tyris, do they know each other?
Oh, did Chronos not tell you?
Chronos was not born,
but created by my dark magic.
I gave him
a very traumatic upbringing,
filled with unimaginable
torture and suffering.
Isn't that right, Chronos?
Wait, wait. You're his father?
Okay. Oh
Oh, yes, that-that's good.
Why did I do it?
It's simple.
I thought it would be funny.
I'm sorry!
He's eating my face!
What have I done
to deserve this?!
Thank the gods.
You are a victim of trauma.
And it's way worse than mine.
Oh, today is confusing.
Chronos! My boy
Form a line, people.
Everybody will have a chance
to get in the boiling cauldron.
Don't do it, everyone!
Oh, but I want to be soup so bad.
Whee!
Oh, gods.
-Me next!
-Gilius?
So fun.
I'm gonna get
my dirty ass in there.
Stop, Gilius.
You have to snap out of it.
I'm gonna pretend
I'm a slice of onion.
-Gods, what do I do?
-Hey, buddy, it looks like
you're really
struggling with something.
I enchanted my friend and now
I don't know how to reverse it.
Most enchantments can be reversed
with a drop of blood
from someone who is unaffected.
Hey, I'm unaffected.
I can do this. Or
Hey, can I borrow something?
Ow! Hey!
-I was so nice to you.
-Sorry.
Now drink, Gilius.
What in a pig's taint
did you do to me?
I'm so sorry,
but the bar maiden's
an evil sorceress
enchanting the town and is now
Making a people stew
to feed Death Adder's hordes.
Oh, that witch!
-Aah!
-I'm giving you one chance
to free these townsfolk
on your own, you frigging witch!
I'm a frigging sorceress.
And it's not my job to explain
to you the difference.
It's your job to die!
And I hear you're
real good at it.
Go, Gilius! He is doing it.
Aah!
Your friends will be
joining you spoon.
-Joining you spoon?
-Oh, uh, I-I think
the enchantment
must still be wearing off.
Sure, dude.
Shut up, shut up!
You fight well, dwarf.
But you're a fool
if you think you can stop me.
Aah!
Right in my witch chest.
Is it crazy that I want
to try the soup?
Well, I guess this is goodbye.
Sorry I enchanted you.
Guess I can't blame you
for ditching me now.
Oh, shut up.
You're coming with me.
Don't joke around, Gilius,
I'm too fragile
for sarcasms right now.
Look, you drugged me
and I'm pissed as hell.
That was stupid and reckless,
but also a lot of fun.
Now, Damned Hellstrike awaits
and if we're gonna defeat him,
we're gonna have to teach you
how to fight and figure out
what the heck
turns on the Emerald Blade.
Training? Finally!
What'd you have in mind?
Nothing, if you don't
get rid of that picture.
-Come on, let's go.
-Aw.
Well, this doesn't look real.
I could have
drawn this way better.
He ate his face.
He ate his father's whole face.
What's wrong with Ax?
Nothing's wrong.
He's got some new trauma
that's gonna make him
extra good at fighting tomorrow.
Tyris, trauma doesn't
make you a better fighter.
Now, let's rest,
for tomorrow we take on
Dad Hellstrike
Damned Helldad.
Dad Dad-dad.
Welp, goodnight.
He doesn't even remember.
What do you have to go through
to eat your father's face
and not remember?
Maybe it would be healthier
to talk about our trauma.
Chronos?
Is he asleep now?
Chirp.