It's Florida, Man. (2024) s01e03 Episode Script

1
NARRATOR: What you're
about to see may be dangerous,
illegal, unethical,
petty, misguided, immoral,
and most definitely stupid.
But it's also all true.
Eh. Sort of.
(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
"MIA": (WHISPERING) Spirits of
darkness, spirits of light.
Spirits of darkness,
spirits of light.
Spirits of
darkness, spirits of light.
Spirits of darkness,
spirits of light.
(ECHOING) Spirits of darkness,
spirits of light.
Spirits of darkness,
spirits of light.
-Spirits of darkness,
spirits of light.
-(CLUCKING)
"MIA": Spirits of darkness,
spirits of light.
Spirits of darkness,
spirits of light.
Spirits of darkness,
spirits of light.
Spirits of darkness,
spirits of light
(VOCALIZES) ♪
WHITNEY: I've had to learn
how to live next door
to complete craziness.
(SHRIEKS)
WHITNEY: Naked rituals
("JEFF" GROWLING)
WHITNEY: that they do
in the backyard
taunting me.
(SNARLING)
It's the stuff that nightmares
are made of.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
(LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
WHITNEY:
I've always been a water baby.
Since I was a kid, you could not
get me out of the pool.
It's just my safe place,
my zen place.
No matter what's going on
in your life,
you go beneath the surface,
and it's literally like
everything just goes quiet.
Whether it's swimming pools,
lakes, oceans, cenotes,
whatever it is, I've always been
drawn to the water.
My name is Whitney Fair,
and I am an aquatic performer.
(SEAGULLS CALLING)
So, in 2017, I had just
gone back to university
to finish my English degree.
And I was told
by a former swimmer
about this opening
at the mermaid show.
We are talking
real-life mermaids.
Wreck Bar is a destination.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
It's the quintessential
mermaid show of Fort Lauderdale.
It's, like, iconic. And they're
so beautiful, all the mermaids.
And there's, like, windows.
And it's always sold out.
The show is improvised.
It gives a lot of room
for creative expression.
All of the performers
are very different.
People love it, kids love it,
adults love it.
It's synchronized swimming,
it's freediving,
it's putting a tail on,
it's taking a tail off,
depending on
what show we're doing.
And I thought, "Wow,
what an interesting side hustle.
Like, this will be great.
I go to school during the week,
I can swim in the shows
on the weekend.
What's the worst
that could happen?
(SHRIEKS)
(CACKLES)
(SERENE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
WHITNEY:
So I auditioned for the show,
and I thought I did terrible.
And the owner of the show
came up
and she said, "You're hired."
Everyone had been there
for quite a few years.
(MERMAIDS GIGGLING)
WHITNEY: A few of the girls
were in their twenties,
a few of us
were in our thirties.
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
WHITNEY: Mia was older
and kind of took on
this "mother hen"
type of persona.
MIA: At the time, I was doing
all the costuming,
all the planning,
I pretty much ran the show.
And I knew, because I had been
around her long enough,
that you did not want to be
on her bad side.
(OMINOUS MUSIC INTENSIFIES) ♪
(MUFFLED CHUCKLE)
I'm a perfectionist, so yeah,
I guess I'm a little tough.
(PHONE PINGS)
Shortly after I joined the show,
I was added to a group chat
with Mia and about
six or seven swimmers,
where we mostly talked shop.
A lot of bitching about the job,
a lot of complaining.
-It was just unhealthy.
-(PHONE PINGS)
So I decided, "Okay,
this is not gonna be good,
and Mia's going to be upset,
but I'm gonna
excuse myself from this."
I'm going to
excuse myself from this.
WHITNEY: So I left.
(PHONE PINGS)
And that's when
my problem began.
Immediately,
the dynamic changed.
It was just tense.
It was a toxic work environment.
Another swimmer that was
on that group chat
texted me afterwards and said,
"You're so brave.
I wanna leave so bad."
But she was scared.
I tried to just ignore it
and hoped that
it would get better.
But it did not get better.
We were a team.
We were all friends.
(LAUGHTER)
MIA: We were all very close.
And then one person came in
and disrupted all that.
(LAUGHTER FADES)
EDEN:
Mermaiding definitely draws
a lot of big personalities.
I think it's safe to say
that if you put a bunch
of mermaids together,
there is definitely going to be
some drama.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
The last night that Mia
was supposed to perform,
there was a poolside squabble.
(ROARS)
(LAUGHTER)
("WHITNEY" CRIES)
(CRYING)
Two of the mermaids
started fighting.
(MUFFLED ARGUING)
Mia called her an asshole,
and was really mean to her.
And so then
Whitney snapped back,
"You're an asshole,"
da-da-da-da.
And then Mia threatened her job,
and then Whitney insulted her.
One called the other one heavy
or something.
(ECHOING) You're fat!
(MUSIC STOPS) ♪
All the girls are like,
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!"
(LAUGHS) "You went--"
She went a little too far.
She attacked me, she called me
a bunch of ugly names.
I said things that I regret.
I lost my cool.
And then Mia got really upset
and started crying.
I left that night 'cause I--
Again, I'm not someone
who likes conflict.
I removed myself
from a situation
that I thought was not safe.
And then I was fired over email
a few days later.
(COMPUTER PINGS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
After Mia was let go,
there was about a year
of online bullying
and harassment.
She was the one that verbally
and physically attacked me,
-and ran me off stage.
-What?
MIA: Ruined my reputation
and got me fired.
She would refer to me
as "Crazy Eyes."
The person that got me fired,
which I refer to
as "Crazy Eyes."
I became enraged,
because I don't like bullies.
I'm sure this will be taken down
for bullying, I'm sure.
Whatever.
WHITNEY: Her husband, Jeff,
posted "White trash"
under a photo.
"White trash?" What?
Yeah, they went after her.
They went after her hard.
They totally
held her responsible
for getting Mia fired.
They called me
a "drug-dealing felon."
Like, I'm not talking,
"I got arrested on a weekend."
I'm talking about,
like, hard time.
You're demonizing me
for a marijuana arrest
when I was 18 years old?
Fucking dork.
After that, somebody sent me
a screenshot of Mia's Facebook
that said, "We just signed
on our new house."
And it was a picture of
the house next door to me.
I had already been
looking over my shoulder,
avoiding places that they went.
So when I first saw her
next door
everything went
into slow motion.
At first,
it was like complete shock.
I mean, I had a
a panic attack.
-(BREATHING HEAVILY)
-WHITNEY: Hyperventilating.
I mean, it just felt
like it wasn't even real.
(CACKLING)
I-- Uh-- Yeah, it was
a really weird coincidence.
I know everybody else is saying
it's a coincidence,
but I am not!
I will yell that
at the top of a mountain,
"There is no way
that's a coincidence!"
JEFF: This one's the
the toilet paper that you love.
WHITNEY: It was the strangest,
most terrifying
piece of information
that I've ever received.
(DISCORDANT MUSIC RISING) ♪
WHITNEY: I was scared
but I stayed.
And then,
to find out that she's a witch.
This is all
mid-century uranium glass.
It sort of gives
a haunted mansion vibe.
And then my collection
of Ouija boards,
and of course my collection
of broomsticks.
When I was performing
in the show with Mia,
she never referred to herself
as a witch,
never spoke about witchcraft.
Oh, I I was a witch,
I've been a witch my whole life.
The mermaid was just a job.
It was something that I
I loved performing.
But I was a witch from day one.
She was in
a pirate reenactment group,
and then she got into
the mermaid scene,
and now she's a witch.
It's fucking hot in here,
is what it is.
We just had all this
furniture custom-made.
Actually, my husband had this
specially made for me.
And I just thought, "How cool
to have just a mini coffin
in the room?"
And I think it just
ties everything in pretty good.
It's really comfy.
Pagans, witches,
we're all normal people.
-MIA: Mm-hmm.
-You know, there is no
craziness, per se, to it. Um
-We're not monsters,
we're not evil.
-Nope.
We don't bite the heads
off chickens. We don't do--
-Well, somet--
-I-- It-- I-- Well, you know
(SHRIEKS)
-(LAUGHS)
-But I think that's
the biggest thing is
is just the the
We're normal people.
We're just like everybody else.
MIA: When I saw
that she lived next door,
I immediately asked the Goddess,
like, "Okay
you obviously have
some sort of lesson for me."
And then I started to think,
"Maybe this is not so much
a lesson for me,
but a lesson for her."
WHITNEY:
There would be spell jars
on the fence
separating our property.
She would speak openly
about hexing and cursing.
"MIA": Spirits of darkness,
spirits of light.
Spirits of darkness,
spirits of light
When you're activating
or messing with a darkness
that you don't
completely understand,
that can be very dangerous.
MIA: My favorite type of hex
is nightmare spells.
I make sure that
that person can't sleep.
They're haunted by nightmares.
They'll hear water dripping
in the background
and can't figure out
where it's coming from.
(LAUGHS) Things like that.
("WHITNEY" WHIMPERING)
I had placed security cameras
around my place.
I needed that for my safety.
If I was gonna stay there,
I needed at least that.
MIA: I noticed that
there was a camera
pointed directly
into my backyard.
We are two practicing pagans,
so we do ritual work,
practice, and celebrate holidays
back there.
WHITNEY: One of the reasons
that Jeff and Mia were upset
about my security camera
is because of the naked rituals
that they do in the backyard.
(FRANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
I would, honestly, rather pull
my fingernails out with pliers
than to see that.
MIA: Traditionally, yes,
the ritual is to be naked.
It's true. (LAUGHS)
And that's something
I don't mind.
So, you know, it's
(CHUCKLES) It it works
for both of us, I think.
WHITNEY: I was in the bedroom,
and I just had
this creepy feeling.
I looked at the camera,
and it was covered.
So I scrolled back,
and saw Jeff scaling
the side of my property
with a ladder
and taping over the camera.
I'm not going to run in fear
from these people.
I put up
a "no trespassing" sign,
but he put a rake over the fence
and pulled down
the "no trespassing" sign.
This had been maybe
a year and a half
of harassment and bullying.
Making her life a living hell
to the point where she thought
she was in danger.
So I felt like I needed to make
a police report
just to document
what was happening.
When I first went to the police,
they said,
"What took you so long?"
(SCOFFS) Because how do you
go to the police
on the police?
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
WHITNEY:
Mia's husband is Jeff Mellies.
He's a Lieutenant with
the Broward Sheriff's Office.
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
JEFF: I've been
in law enforcement
for over three decades.
This is my Libra tattoo.
It's a guy holding
two equal scales.
That's my sheepdog,
because that's what I am.
I'm a protector.
And, uh, that's for my country.
As far as the magical
or spell-working is concerned,
like I said, I'll protect him,
I'll make sure that he always
has some kind of shielding
or grounding.
I obviously cast on him to
protect his vest and his badge.
Done a few things
on your bullets
to make sure that they don't
target someone who's innocent--
-Not the target, yeah. Mm-hmm.
-Not a target.
(GUNSHOTS)
WHITNEY: So, I went into
the police department,
and I was very clear that
I wasn't trying
to get him in trouble,
that I wasn't there
to press charges,
that I simply wanted
this behavior to stop,
and I wanted documentation.
That's all.
And what did they do?
They did nothing
to help me. Nothing!
(SIGHS)
Sorry.
Sorry.
PRODUCER: Let's
let's cut for a second.
-MAN: You all right?
-Yeah, sorry.
You wanna take a walk outside?
No, I'm okay,
I just need one minute.
-Okay.
-I'm okay.
(TRANQUIL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Four months later,
I started turning the property
into an Airbnb.
It's called Casa Zen.
I've worked really hard
to create
this peaceful environment.
I purchased some new LED lights,
so I could change the colors,
and just really, like,
light up the place
and give it a cool vibe.
("JEFF" AND "MIA"
TALKING QUIETLY)
-(GLASS SHATTERS)
-"JEFF": What the fuck? Baby?
My entire house
was lit neon purple.
They become completely enraged
and come over
to my side of the property.
Jeff was barefoot
with no shirt on,
had definitely been drinking.
I was called
"such a fucking nefarious cunt."
WHITNEY:
There was another video clip.
The Ring camera
that was on the driveway
caught them screaming at me.
MIA: (OVER LAPTOP)
I think I called her a cunt.
(LAUGHS)
I did, I called her a cunt.
MIA:
That's mean, that was mean,
and I do regret that.
And I've said, it's not
my best moment.
But, you know, um
my Latina temper
got the best of me that day.
It just feels like they're
this predator and I'm the prey,
and they like
watching people suffer.
I finally contacted an attorney,
and imagine hearing this story.
"Uh, okay, so,
I'm an underwater performer.
I'm getting bullied by
a cop and a witch."
I mean, it sounds
absolutely insane.
GARY: Didn't you call up
a bunch of attorneys before me?
-Mm-mm.
-I just happened to be
the first one?
Oh, I didn't know that.
My name is Gary Kollin,
and I'm an attorney.
Well, I received
a call from Whitney
about a problem she was having
with her next-door neighbors.
While there was probably
a case there for trespass,
the amount of damages
for what he had done
would not have been sufficient
to begin a lawsuit.
JEFF:
But then he said,
"Hey, wait, wait.
I want you to do
a public records request
and find out all searches
that were done in your name."
("WHITNEY" GASPS)
GARY: They accused her
of being a convicted felon,
and I think, going to prison.
It was a marijuana charge,
and it was expunged
from my record.
The only way
that Jeffrey Mellies
would have ever had access
to that information
was through running her name.
WHITNEY: And I suggested to
the owner of the show
that she do
a public records request.
And another swimmer.
Somehow she gets in touch
with this lawyer
who's like, "Look into this."
She asked the rest of us,
so we did, and
WHITNEY: Every single
one of ours came back
with Jeff searching our
private personal information.
I believe that's really highly
against the law,
especially for no reason.
I said, "We got something."
(SIREN WAILING)
She went and she called
the police on us, so
Oh, baby! Oh, baby!
Well, the punishment
he received was
a five-day suspension
without pay,
which appears to be
a slap on the hand.
He continues to work
as a Deputy Sheriff
with no other sanctions on him.
MIA: They're doing this
out of revenge.
They're attacking him
because of me,
and it's
it's very frustrating.
The issue with my husband
and his job, it's a red herring.
It's it's, "Look at the shiny
police corruption over here."
I couldn't tell you why
she thought we were
going after her.
You know,
the law was broken against us,
so we took steps
to find justice.
I always turned the other cheek.
I always tried to ignore it,
hoping that it would stop.
My way of fighting it
ended up being
with my attorney and the law.
That was my way of fighting it.
His answer was, as to why
he could do this thing, was,
"I am a police officer, 24/7,
and anything I do
is official duty."
This is not a Gestapo State.
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
I don't think that there's
a more Floridian story
than a mermaid getting
harassed and bullied
by a "witch"
and a corrupt police officer.
JEFF: We're looking forward to,
in the next couple of years,
maybe relocating
somewhere up north,
so we can enjoy
the fall weather.
We want to leave
and leave all this, all of it,
back here where it belongs.
WHITNEY: I feel like it's time
to wrap Florida up.
I like the weather here,
and I've loved being so close
to the ocean.
But it's also time to move on
to the next adventure.
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
Yeah, you know, they can't
handle Florida, these rookies!
(LAUGHS)
("GOSPEL PLOW" PLAYING) ♪
Mary wore three links of chain
Every link was in His name ♪
Keep your hands on that plow
Hold on ♪
Keep your hands on that plow
Hold on ♪
Mary, Mark, Luke, and John ♪
All the prophets
Are good and gone ♪
Keep your hands on that plow
Hold on ♪
Keep your hands on that plow
Hold on ♪