Leanne (2025) s01e03 Episode Script

1
Previously on Leanne…
Leanne, you and I
are always gonna be connected.
We've got children, grandchildren.
So the only thing you're dropping is me?
Our lives may be going
down different roads,
but I'll never drop you.
You may not want to hear this,
but I'll always love you.
I've never hit anyone in my life.
Never?
You have?
I lived in Chicago.
Had a sock full of quarters.
He said he would always love me.
How can I not punch him?
The only thing you should
feel bad about is not aiming lower.
I don't know how I'll get through this.
You'll get through with the love
and support of your family and friends.
Thank you.
Good, you believe me.
- You expecting anybody?
- Not unless Bill called the cops.
Leanne, I am so sorry.
Hey, Mary.
I brought you casserole.
Thank you. Word's out.
My niece works at the hospital.
Gave me the full report
about your scrap with Bill.
Good old Knoxville.
And how's your mama?
She's at home resting. Thank you.
Is that the punching hand?
- Not one of my prouder moments.
- Hush.
No court in Tennessee would convict you,
what with Bill fornicating
atop another woman.
- Any chance we can keep this under wraps?
- Honey, don't you worry.
I've told everybody
to keep it to themselves.
Knoxville.
You just focus on healing
your wounded heart.
- I will.
- Now is the time for lasagna.
Ozempic comes later.
Well, thanks for coming, Mary.
Well, we're neighbors.
That's what we do.
Good times and bad.
Of course, this one's real bad.
Any chance you got
that sock full of quarters?
- What are you doing?
- I'm eating my feelings.
Put the fork down.
If you don't like it, don't look.
Put it down.
What's with the clothes?
You and I are dressing up and going out.
No, we are not.
I'm taking this lasagna
to the bed and watching Dateline.
What happened to my confident,
dynamic, fearless older sister?
She's lonely and bloated.
Look, just put this on.
It'll make you feel better.
I can't wear this.
Why not?
I'm a grandmother.
That's for bending over
a pool table to attract cowboys.
Well, why is it in your closet?
That was a good memory.
And I don't like
to throw away good memories.
Okay, now you have to tell me.
I just did.
Pool table, cowboys.
Connect the dots.
- Oops.
- Yeah, oops.
- Halloween?
- Or the gay pride parade.
We had fun that night, didn't we?
Now we're getting somewhere.
Really? This thing's full of windows
and they've all got bad views.
With a bra, it'll be great.
I'm wearing a bra.
What do you think?
You look like the lady
who drives the bookmobile.
Better?
Let's just go.
This was a bad idea.
Relax, we're gonna have fun.
No, it's the Spanx. I can't breathe.
Breathing's overrated. You look great.
If I have to go pee-pee,
I'm in big trouble.
I got a knife. I'll make an opening.
- What are you doing with a knife?
- What are you doing without one?
Why am I so nervous?
Look at me. My hands are shaking.
That's called excitement.
Not knowing where life is gonna take you,
who you'll meet, who you'll wake up with.
I'm waking up with you.
- And?
- And that's it.
We're getting one drink
and then straight home.
So you're not gonna even entertain
the possibility we might have a good time,
meet interesting people,
have an adventure?
Everything about that sounds awful.
So, what? You're done?
You're just gonna grow old and moldy?
There's other ways to have fun.
Tending to my garden.
Taking care of my grandbaby.
Playing Wordle.
That's it.
I'm getting you an estrogen patch.
Hand me your knife.
- Why?
- I'm gonna kill you.
Hey, John.
Yeah, I can meet you. Where are you at?
Yeah, I heard it. On my way.
On my way!
Hey, what's going on?
First of all,
you're not here, and I'm not here.
- So neither of us are here?
- Yeah.
Wasn't your license suspended?
You got a lot to say
for a guy who's not here.
Put your purse down.
No one's gonna rob you.
I'm hiding my tummy.
Stop with the body shaming.
But I'm ashamed of my body.
What can I get you. ladies?
I'll have a Moscow mule,
and my newly single sister
I'm not single.
Your husband is. What are you drinking?
Two Moscow mules.
Okay.
- What did I just order?
- Courage.
All right.
There's some people here
in my basic demographic.
Every guy in here
has a little blue pill in his pocket.
Always knew when Bill took one of those.
His earlobes would get so red.
No more Bill talk.
Tonight is all about mysterious strangers
with erectile dysfunction.
Ooh! Asian sesame wings.
- We're not eating.
- Why not?
No one ever got lucky
sucking on a chicken bone.
Two Moscow mules.
That's Russian for "thank you."
Can I put this on my Discover card?
Lord, even your credit cards are old.
No need. They're paid for.
Well, aren't you a doll?
Not me. Two o'clock.
And so it begins.
You think Margaret and me
never went through a rough patch?
Well, we did.
- You never told me that.
- Because it's none of your business.
Stop sign! Stop sign!
Well, maybe we'll get the next one.
This was before
Leanne and Carol were born.
Margaret threw me out on my keister.
I had to live in a motel.
- You're joking.
- This is funny to you?
No, sir.
It was the Ben Franklin Motel out on I-40.
Used to be a Howard Johnson's.
Best fried clams in town
and a belowground sauna.
Okay, eyes on the road. Eyes on the road.
My point being,
marriages go through bumps.
Sometimes in the early going,
sometimes later on.
But if you love each other,
you work through it.
You don't throw it away because
a church organist needed a ride home.
No, really?
Yeah. I was weak, Bill.
And she was, you know, a musician.
I'm sorry.
Sorry, I can't picture it.
Every Sunday
in the back seat of my Impala.
Okay, now I can.
Possum!
It's okay. He's getting up.
And this is my daughter, Josie.
She's a work in progress.
More cookie dough than cookie.
And, um, this is my son, Tyler.
He's my rock.
No woman's good enough for him,
but he managed to find one anyway.
And, um, this is
my precious grandbaby, Bill Jr.
He's named after his grandfather,
who may rot in hell.
- You're a grandma?
- Yeah, and proud of it.
And I've got another one on the way.
Let me find the sonogram.
No! … So…
Tell us about you fellas.
Well,
I'm a certified public accountant.
Was married for 24 years. I like to jog.
Well, more of a fast walk,
if I'm being honest.
I'm talking too much.
No,
you're doing great. Go on.
Well, le… let's see…
Well, last year,
I left work early, with the COVID.
I remember because it was tax time.
Anyway, I came home to find
my wife with my business partner.
- Goodness gracious.
- Juicy.
And they were in my son's bedroom,
model airplanes hanging from the ceiling,
and she had her ankles
up in the air.
I am talking too much.
I own a tackle shop.
In a minute. Go on. Ankles in the air.
Long story short,
I got the house, the business,
and he got testicular cancer.
So a happy ending.
You know, I just live
a couple of blocks away.
Why don't we take this party
over to my condo?
Whoa, pump the brakes there, big dog.
Lookee here, I can fire up the Jacuzzi
from an application on my phone.
That's very kind,
but we didn't bring our bathing suits.
Well, we won't wear one either.
Make it fair.
Enticing. Just give us a minute.
- What's happening?
- We're being aloof.
Fun.
Lights down, jets on.
Was I talking too much?
You listen to me.
There's still time
to turn this all around.
I don't know. Leanne and I
haven't been happy for a while.
- We didn't talk about it.
- Well, you should have.
You could have gone to the pastor.
You could have come to me.
- And say what?
- The truth.
"I'm a man, ergo, I succumbed to my lust."
"Did the devil's business."
Times have changed, John.
Things are more complicated these days.
Baloney.
We're still just talking monkeys.
Go home, take a knee,
and beg Leanne for forgiveness.
I don't know. I can't imagine Leanne
Quick, change seats with me.
You're not really considering
getting in a Jacuzzi with those men.
Of course not.
We're just fishing.
We don't eat what we catch.
We just throw them back in the pond
and go home feeling good about ourselves.
All right.
I did feel a little bad about the CPA.
- Why?
- Why?
His wife betrayed him
in their son's bedroom.
Leanne,
you can't get attached to the fish.
Underneath model airplanes
he probably built with that little boy.
Well, what about Tackle Shop?
You feel bad for him, too?
No, he's a butthole.
Agreed. Let's get out there
and break their hearts.
Give me a minute.
You can't get the Spanx up,
just leave them on the floor.
Get them up?
I can't get them down.
Careful. I just had it sharpened.
Thank you.
- What happened to the guys we were with?
- Over there.
You're kidding me.
They dumped us?
It would seem so.
- What did we do wrong?
- I don't know, Grandma. What do you think?
- Let's just go home.
- Stop at the Dairy Queen?
- Really? It's kind of late.
- It's 7:30!
All right.
You know, I'm not surprised
about Tackle Shop,
but I expected more from Talks Too Much.
Daddy.
You and Mom okay?
What? No!
On our way.
- Hospital?
- Jail.
Excuse me.
I'm looking for my father, John Hayes.
Hi, Leanne.
Hey, Richard.
I haven't seen you since,
what, senior prom?
I guess.
You look real pretty.
Aren't you sweet?
Throw him back.
My father?
He's right through there.
Sorry to hear about your marriage.
Knoxville.
What are you doing here?
Your father was telling me
about an organist.
Zip it!
You okay?
I'm fine.
I'm fine too.
Who cares?
What happened?
A fender bender.
The fuzz impounded my truck.
The fuzz?
Yeah, the fuzz. Get with it.
Why are you two together?
I'm trying to save your sister's marriage.
Nothing to save.
In fact, me and Carol
were just out on a double date.
That so?
Yeah, and my guy builds planes.
So what's the deal?
Do we pay a fine, bail, anything?
- Fine's paid. We just need a ride home.
- All right. Come on, Daddy.
Bye, Bill.
Goodbye? Really?
You're just gonna leave me here?
- We still hitting the DQ?
- Heck yeah.
Hello?
Call me a weirdo,
but I like their hot dogs.
I can't believe
you're considering dating apps.
What can I say?
You've got my motor running.
Lock up your grandpas.
And to be honest,
when I saw the hurt in Bill's eyes
when I told him about our double date,
it kind of warmed my heart.
Whatever gets you out of sweatpants.
All right, what are you thinking?
Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, FarmersOnly?
Do they have Firemen Only?
I think for that,
you just burn your house down.
All these lonely people looking for love.
Honey, they're looking for sex.
What if you're not ready for that
and you just want companionship,
somebody to snuggle with?
Then you rescue a dog.
Show me.