Level Up (2012) s01e03 Episode Script

All right. Everything back
in the booty box.
Mousian-Venus trap plant.
[Lyle]
Check.
[snap]
- Ah.
- Ooh.
Thundering Triangle
of Grimistan.
Right here.
I'm a one-man band.
- [loud bell]
- [all] Aah!
- My bad.
- Everlasting
Pencil of Boomvircal.
- No.
- [whistles]
No, it's a pencil that never
gets shorter no matter
how many times
you sharpen it.
- I could doodle until I'm dead.
- That is
I'm a doodler, Wyatt.
You got to let me doodle.
- Let the dude doodle.
- [sighs]
I've never seen him this excited
about school supplies.
Nope.
Come on!
It's a pencil.
What's the worst it could do?
Ah-ha-ha-ha!
[Dante]
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
Hand it over, Dante.
Hey, Wyatt.
This is Roxanne.
She is a foreign
exchange student.
I'm just showing her
around, you know.
Warning her which foods
in the cafeteria are barftastic.
Ha-ha-ha.
[slowly speaking]
Hello, my name is Wyatt.
What country are youfrom?
Canada.
Did you say Canada?
Oh, yeah.
- Ooh.
- Dragon's breath.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Wow, Canada.
So, exotic.
[Angie]
Well, I hate to interrupt
this fascinating conversation,
but we got to get to class.
So
- Nice meeting you, Wyatt.
- Yep.
Nice meeting you.
Rox meeting you.
Nice Rox.
- Hmm.
- Anne?
- I'm sorry.
- Roxanne.
[both]
Wow.
- Okay.
- Wow.
[whispers]
Oh, wow.
O Canada
I totally blew it.
It's like whenever I talk
to girls, my brain vomits.
Oh, yes, brain vomit.
It's like a brain fart,
but it comes out
of your brain's mouth
instead of your brain's butt.
[farting noise]
That was immature.
Oh, man.
Another player beat us
to the Notauto Orbit Glamour.
Curse you, Lady Elsinore.
- Should we take her out?
- No, no.
She is way to high level.
Absolutely not.
Um-um.
Better bring in Wyatt
the wordsmith.
Oh yeah. Oh, yeah, we need
that Black Death swagger.
Do not fear.
I got this.
What's up, Lady Elsinore?
That is an impressive arsenal
of gear you got there.
And your weapons
aren't bad, either.
Hello, thanks for
noticing, Black Death.
Oh, nice.
Now, why would a beautiful
player like you
need an Orb of Glamour?
If you let me take the orb,
I promise to assist you
in a future quest.
What do you say
pretty lady, huh?
Help a player out.
All right, Black Death.
The orb's yours, but I'm taking
you up on that quest assist.
Look at you.
Hey man, you
You never brain vomit
when you're Black Death.
That's because it's
in the game, okay?
It's not like going on a real
date, or going out to dinner
and then play laser tag.
That's not a real date
either, buddy.
Hey, Wyatt.
Ladies.
Oh.
I'm taking Roxanne to Bear
Superstar Diner tonight
if you'd like to join us.
[Roxanne]
You should come out.
We'll be there around
about half past six.
Bear Superstar Diner.
- You, me, food.
- Yeah, food.
That's a lot to think about.
Okay, well, maybe
we'll see you there.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
[vomit sounds]
That was some
serious brain barf.
It was major brain barf.
See what I told you.
And the worst part,
she's Canadian.
What's that have to do with it?
I love Canadian women.
They're so foreign and exotic.
Our mysterious neighbors
that we barely know.
And that accent, wow.
Man, I wish I could
date Roxanne.
But there is no way I'm going to
get a passport to her heart.
Sure you can. You just gotta
be like you are in the game.
Pretend you're Black Death
talking to Roxanne.
- Yes.
- I can't.
I'm not going to
go to the diner.
I'll just screw up
like I always do.
You know, if I had the
Everlasting Pencil of
Boomvircal,
I would write down tips
on how to talk to girls.
But someone wouldn't
let me keep it.
- Who's that?
- [coughs] Wyatt.
You know the rules.
No using stuff from the game.
It always ends up
blowing up in our faces.
Actually, it usually ends up
blowing up in your face.
Boom.
By the way,
your eyebrows have
grown in nicely
since we tried that Wand
of Hazardous Flames.
- No they haven't.
- [Lyle screams]
No Everlasting Pencil.
[whispering]
Put them back.
Put them back.
Lady Elsinore,
it was my pleasure
to escort you and
the Prisoner of Bays Lot
through the Woods
of Kerjackasham.
Oh, what a gentleman
you are, Black Death.
You must have loads of girls
chasing after you, IRL.
I am
pretty smooth.
Whoa!
Aah!
[both]
Holy plasspreen vorcal sword.
Whoa, Black Death.
[laughs]
- This is--
- Crazy.
Whoa.
[both]
Man, you look tough
in the game,
but in real life,
you're going to need
a few adjustments.
Okay, time to give this
new arm a road test.
Passed. Moving on.
[shouts]
[Wyatt]
Woo!
Nice!
And punch!
[laughs]
Man, you are better
than me at everything.
[both]
That's because I'm 6'5",
packed with muscles,
and slay dragons in
my spare time.
- Man
- Hup, hup, hup, hup
Guess that's why I have
no trouble talking to girls
when I'm you.
Wait a sec.
Huh.
[laughs]
Oh, I shouldn't.
[both]
Or should I?
Hi, girls.
I'm Brian Blacker
Ton.
Couldn't help noticing your
Exotic beauty from
across the room.
You wouldn't happen to be
from Canada, would you?
Hmph.
[groans]
[chatter]
Oh, just like a polar bear.
What do you say I
- buy you a milkshake?
- [Angie] Oh.
Yes, please,
Brian Blackroontatoon.
Oh, I'm just finishing
up this ice cream.
You want some?
No thanks. You need it
more than I do, I mean.
The heat down here must be
unbearable for you.
[clears throat]
Maybe in Canada, the rivers
flow with sweet dairy treats.
But here in America, we don't
turn down the free dessert.
[Angie]
Even if we're eating it.
That's okay.
She's sweet enough as it is.
You know, maybe you'd
like some fries
coming over from that
fryer over
There.
[groaning]
You see anything you like?
Yes, a milkshake.
Oh, that came across wrong.
Okay, I don't know what
all that's about, but um,
I'm not really into
big muscled macho guys
showing me how tough
they are all the time.
- Really?
- [Roxanne] Yeah.
I'm sort of more
into the smart geeks.
You know that awkward,
endearingly bumbling type.
She's talking about me.
I hate to interrupt
this whole rejection thing,
but is the milkshake offer
still on the table?
You thinking what I'm thinking?
That I should install
Fire Pool in my bedroom?
No. Dante, there's something
up with that guy.
He seems really familiar.
Oh, maybe he's my dead goldfish,
Captain Finnegan
returned to earth
in another form.
What? You said eerily.
That would be pretty eerie.
Can't argue with that.
I got to get there
and ask her out
before another awkward guy
snags her.
Um
[Angie]
Bye.
Come on.
Let's follow him.
Ah!
Put some ice on it.
No time to send you back.
I will
I'll deal with you
later. Perfect.
[both]
Ah!
Ah!
Ah
Ah
Hey.
Glad you're still here.
Wyatt, would you
like some water?
Wow.
So, Angie, Steve Schmidt told me
he wanted to talk to you.
Steve Schmidt?
Oh, Steve Schmidt, my totally
not fake boyfriend.
Where did you say that he was?
Over there.
I'll be back in a minute.
Oh, yeah
Roxanne, how are you liking
Daventry Hills?
Ah, it's very --
Do you want to go on a
date with me?
Wow
[laughs]
Sure, okay.
Okay.
It's a date then.
It's a date.
[sighs]
I think I need some more water.
We got you!
Hey!
Wake up.
Why are you moving?
Why isn't he moving?
It's Black Death.
He's just in regular clothes.
You know what this means?
Yes.
My goldfish was reincarnated
as Wyatt's avatar.
Captain Finnegan,
you look great.
How did you afford
these clothes?
Or, Wyatt leaked his avatar
and dressed him
up without telling us.
- Wait!
- Yeah.
Wyatt wouldn't let me keep
the Everlasting Pencil
of Boomvircal,
but he leaked out
his own avatar.
Not fair. He's breaking
all kinds of rules.
Yes, especially fashion.
Oh, horizontal stripes aren't
doing this guy any favors.
We can't let Wyatt
get away with this.
You know what we should do?
Dress this guy up as a butler
and make him serve us
sandwiches.
No, we should have some fun
with our friend Wyatt.
So I hear you're going
on a bowling date
with Roxanne tonight.
- Yeah, but don't tell
Lyle or Dante.
- Why not?
Because if they know
I'm on a date,
then they'll ask how it went,
and then I'll have
to say horrible.
And then they'll
feel sorry for me,
and I already feel
sorry for me,
and I don't want anybody else
invited to that pity party.
Ah, Wyatt.
Stop being such a Wyatt.
You'll be fine. Here's a
few bowling dating tips.
Wear clean socks.
Don't use the bumper.
And never granny bowl.
Even if you think it's cute.
- Think I can make it cute.
- You can't.
- Never do that.
- Spare then.
So we're playing
Conqueror tonight?
Can't. Going bowling.
With whom?
No specific person.
It's a league tournament.
Since when do you play
in a league, Wyatt?
Since recently.
Ah, you're lying.
Why would I lie?.
I don't know,
but when you lie,
you speak in a really
high-pitched voice.
No I don't.
- What's he up to?
- I don't know.
But I think Black Death
is about to go bowling.
You know who loved bowling?
Captain Finnegan.
You gotta stop talking
about that goldfish.
I will not.
Oh, thanks, Wyatt, for getting
me a feather-light ball.
What? Oh, yeah, no problem.
[in high-pitched voice]
That one was definitely for you.
Hey, uh, maybe I'll get one just
like it so we can be twinsies.
Oh cool with me.
I like it when a guy
isn't afraid to show
his weaknesses.
Uhboop.
[laughs]
[both]
Ah!
Ooh!
Hey, Roxanne, could you
excuse me for a second?
[laughing]
What was that, man?
Sorry, the controls
are all janky.
Wyatt must have
customized the keyboard.
All right, well get it together.
We have a plan to execute
We certainly do.
We certainly do.
- What are you doing here?
- Good question
Wyatt.
Maybe you can tell us what
something from the game
Is doing in our universe
When it isn't
absolutely necessary.
I can explain.
It was a freak accident.
Then I was doing a bit
of a scientific experiment.
I'm sorry.
Stop it!
We're not here for apologies.
We're here to teach
you a lesson.
Yeah, Black Death is going to
take down the support beams
and bring this building
- Down.
- What? No.
We signed up
for a bowling tournament,
and we're going to challenge
Wyatt face-to-face in the lanes.
Come on, man, these arms
are wasted on bowling.
They should be smashing
concrete
and bending steel
and uprooting cars.
No, you gotta hit him
where it hurts.
His bowling score.
That way it will humiliate him
in front of his entire team.
[groans]
Fine
We're using this pencil
to keep score.
Sorry, guys, I'm not actually
in a bowling tournament.
What? No, I paid $50 to
join the bowling league.
I even had to buy
a customized bowling ball
for Black Death's
huge sausage fingers.
[sighs] Well, then,
it's time for Plan B.
Time to smash stuff.
What are you, uh--
Ooh!
The reason I'm here is because
I'm on a date with Roxanne.
Dude, that's awesome.
Why didn't you tell us?
I could have given you
some useful tips
in how to pull out
the successful bowling date.
Next time, you got to be
straight with us.
You're right. We cool?
We're cool.
[thud]
[crowd] Oh.
So that's where the jump
backward key is for your
character.
Got it.
Wyatt, I can't believe
you just punched someone.
You macho guys are
all the same.
Always fighting like
hockey players.
I thought you were
different, Wyatt.
I thought you were a wuss.
I like wusses.
But I guess I was
wrong about you.
Wait, no
This is a misunderstanding.
[shouting] I am a wuss!
I am the king of wusses.
Umm.
Sorry, buddy.
[crunch]
- Ah!
- Ooh.
You'd think the pink ball
wouldn't hurt so much.
He doesn't call himself the king
of wusses for nothing.
I'm pathetic.
A little bit.
I knew it, I knew it. I never
should have gone on a date,
especially with an
exotic foreigner.
No, man, you were doing
great. We're the ones that
screwed it up.
You gotta go after her.
Yeah man, when your skateboard
rolls into the sewer,
you don't just leave it there
and steal another one.
You grease yourself up,
you shimmy down,
and you get her back.
Hose her off, and you're
back in business.
Look, I have a broken heart
and a broken foot,
and I don't want to break
anything else.
Guys, my love life
is an epic failure.
Oh, man, we got to do
something to help him out.
Yeah, I mean I've seen him
bummed, but this is bad.
I mean, have you seen
anything more pathetic
than this face right here?
Oh, I hope he doesn't
start crying.
I am not going to cry, and your
mic is still turned on.
We're not letting
you quit, crybaby.
Dry those tears because we're
getting Roxanne back.
No, no, no, put me down.
Don't worry, we got this
Conqueror style. This is a
quest.
A quest for love.
[both]
Tulta Minnelli!
Stop it! I don't want
to get hurt anymore!
- Go left.
- Go left?
Whoa!
[both]
Oh!
So you're telling me
that Lyle and Dante
have been controlling
this guy this whole time?
- Well, first it was me.
- Then I wanted--
- To smash a building,
but Lyle wouldn't let me.
- Shush it, Dante!
Look, it doesn't matter.
We don't have time to explain.
- Shush it, Lyle!
- Where's Roxanne?
She just texted me.
She's at Bear Superstar Diner.
- Let's go!
- But you can't just show
up empty-handed
if you're trying to
win back a girl, jeez.
[groans]
We need some flowers.
Some lady flowers.
Roses. Mother Nature's
apology card.
Of course, I never needed
an apology card
- with a face like--
- This.
You don't have a face
like this.
You have a face like
That.
All my beauty shines through,
even when I'm a pasty guy
with a chin this big.
Oop!
[both]
Oh!
Uh-oh.
Your face just went
- boom.
- Okay, all right,
so you're big you're strong
and you can pop a balloon.
Get her tulips.
Roses are too cliché.
I have enough money to pay
for one rose, please.
- Uh.
- Ooh.
- Come on.
- I cannot
figure out these controls.
Well now you're going to have
pay for all of them.
She's gotta be in
here somewhere.
[Lyle] Oh, there she is.
At the end of the counter.
Come on, Wyatt,
do it for all the guys
who say they have
a girlfriend in Canada,
but they really just
can't get a date.
Quiet, guys. You're putting
too much pressure on him.
Okay, Wyatt, this is the most
important moment of your life.
Don't screw it up.
Wow, this is really important
to you guys, isn't it?
Yeah, man.
Because it's important to you.
- You're the dude.
- I'm not the dude.
Now go get her, man.
Sorry, wrong key.
Okay, um
[singing]
Nope that's not it, either.
Woo.
I am the dude.
I am the dude.
I am the dude.
Hey, Roxanne.
Wyatt.
Listen, back at the bowling
alley what you thought you saw
isn't exactly what
you thought you saw.
Yeah, I didn't hit anyone.
We were just talking.
Right, Brian?
Hey.
I am not a tough guy, okay?
I'm an awkward bumbling geek.
Nobody is as awkward as me.
Hi, Wyatt.
Except for Gus.
- Really?
- That's the story why
we met half an hour ago.
He was stuck in
a revolving door.
Perfect.
You know what, Roxanne,
maybe I am too much
of a tough guy for you.
And you, Gus, you're lucky I
don't challenge you to a duel.
Even if you did, I'd lose,
and she'd only love me
that much more.
Yeah.
Wow.
Well, I lost to the better
worser man, which,
I think,
still makes me a winner.
You did good, buddy.
You'll find another girl.
One day.
Yeah. The king of wusses
will find his queen.
And together you shall
rule your kingdom
with a weak
and quivering hand.
Thank, guys. It'll happen.
- Maybe not today.
- Mm-mm.
- Maybe not tomorrow.
- Nope.
- Maybe not in five years.
- Probably not.
But someday, uh?
Yeah.
Okay.
Thanks, Wyatt.
I love flowers.
Hello, Sarah.
Guys?
I'll be a second.
Yeah, got those for you.
That is my boy!
[crying]
He's growing up so fast.
Let's go bench press
some cars.
Yeah!
You're up, Brian.
[all]
Yeah!
[cheering]
That is another
exploding strike.
You know, I wonder
if the bowling alley's
gonna run out of pins soon.
Yeah, we should probably
send him back to the game
before someone calls
the manager.
Okay, let's focus.
This is the last ball here.
- Right
- All right?
[all]
Yeah!
[all]
Woo!
[cheering]
Gimme some.
Gimme some elbow.
[singing]
He-he-he
What's 300 plus 20?