Monkey Wrench (2022) s01e03 Episode Script

-[rumbling]
-[metal rattling]
[both screaming]
[Scratch] Oh!
-[screams]
-[alarm blaring]
[both screaming]
[placid musical sting plays]
Hey! ¿Dónde estás, Dos Pantalones?
-[child] Ooh!
-[raccoon gasping]
[shrieks] Gah! ¡Duende!
[chattering]
¡Déjalo en paz, maldito duende!
-[chattering]
-[Shrike chuckles]
Get him, Bandito, get him!
Damn it!
I'm trying to watch my thing.
And I'm trying to play.
You got a screen in your room.
Watch it in there.
But I'm driving.
-I trust cruise control better than… Ugh!
-[crackles]
Give it here.
I'll show you how a master does it.
-[playing discordant music]
-Nya nya nya ♪
Forgotten the chords I taught you already?
[playing discordant music]
This stupid thing's too big for me.
[playing ornate pleasant music]
Just like that.
Yeah? Well, I warmed it up for you.
Now keep it down. Showtime.
[eerie music and howling on TV]
[crackling]
[trilling and chattering on TV]
Are we… cut out for this life?
-[TV characters chatter]
-Huh?
I… just can't stop thinking about
what happened to the Lythops.
[sighs] That poor little fella.
L.A.W.'ll set him up with some stupid job
and he'll keep on going.
Just look at me. I turned out fine.
-Hmm.
-Can't get hung up on that stuff, amigo.
Can't have regrets.
Don't you have that voice inside
that tells you right from wrong?
Right, wrong, whatever. Just no regrets.
Where are we headed anyway?
Just dropping off the crate
for the L.A.W. guys.
Eh. New rule.
Don't take any jobs from anyone
who even looks like L.A.W.
Bunch of jerks.
And what does that make you?
An ex-jerk.
-I'd say you're very much still active.
-[alert buzzing]
You really should return that, uh, suit.
-[buzzing grows louder]
-What is that sound?
I don't know.
It just started doing that by itself.
A computer can't just do things by itself.
That's a distress call.
Oh, a de-dress call?
"Di-stress."
Somebody's calling for help.
Oh! A distress call!
-We should check it out.
-[beeping]
-There could be some money in it for us.
-[beeping]
That's not what I'm worried about.
I'm sure the L.A.W. guys won't mind if we…
No regrets!
[rock music playing]
[beeps]
[music fades]
-No regrets? Mm-hmm!
-[rock music resumes]
Scritch, be a dear
and send out another call.
[music intensifies]
[music fades]
Oh, please, my beloved Primaries,
anyone but them!
You'd better start praying to me,
because they ain't here.
You need help, Scratch, amigo?
No, no! Everything's fine.
We're, uh… [chuckles]
-We're trying out this new interior deco.
-[alarm blaring]
It's really high-class stuff.
You wouldn't get it.
[loud thud]
That's a feature.
Impressive.
Oh. Then I guess
we can be on our way. Adios.
[shrieking] All right! All right!
-[alarm continues blaring]
-[loud thudding]
Well?!
How much to save your culo?
Shrike.
Now? You want to barter now?!
Oh, sure, let me pull up a chair,
put the coffee on,
and get my damn notepad!
You get them off my tail,
then we'll talk, moron!
Oh no, no, no, no, no, gatito bonito.
I know you. We do this now!
[grunting] Ah! Uh! Oh!
Trinity, give me strength. What?
[clattering]
No. No, not that.
I could, uh, um, offer you
some of my fine wares at 10% off.
Some fresh Terran trinkets
just came in from the Quarantine Zone.
[thud rumbles]
11%?
That's the best I could do.
-[loud metallic crash]
-Mm!
All right, I'll call off your debt
once you get us out of this mess.
[beeps]
[funky music playing]
What in the galaxy is that?
I know what it's going to be!
[whirs]
-[Shrike] ¡Polvo espacial!
Before you do that…
[bleeping]
This is the T.C.F. Bucket
of the merc group Monkey Wrench,
handling unknown vessel.
Cease your assault
and back away from The Best,
or we will be forced to intervene.
[whirring]
-That's odd.
-Time up, shoot now!
[funky music continues]
We're not gonna survive this, are we?
[loud crash]
[shrieking] Shoot them, not me!
[crackling]
[Shrike grunts] ¡Mi arma!
-Beebs!
-I got it.
[alarm blaring]
[Shrike, warbling] Beebs, tell it to stop!
I did. It's not working.
Ugh! Screw this. I'll deal with it later.
I'll teach you to wreck my ship!
-You did that one.
-It made me!
[vibrations buzzing]
This is the T.C.F. Bucket.
¡Basta, ja!
[whirring]
[funky music continues]
[placid music plays]
[music fades]
Yeah, you'd better run, escoria!
[Scratch] Oh, gentlemen.
Permission to come aboard?
-[deep rumbling]
-[alarm blaring]
[Scratch] I knew this thing was a wreck
when I sold it to ya,
but I never imagined
you'd somehow make it worse.
Where's the finesse? The panache?
-[ethereal music playing]
-The gravity?
They don't even have a litter box?
You're right. We were better off dying.
Time to cough up, gato rata.
Whoa-ho! Whoa! Whoa!
Slow down there, cowboy. [chuckles]
We ain't done yet.
What do you mean "we ain't done"?
[beeps]
[Scratch] All right,
I'll call off your debt
once you get us out of this mess.
As you can see, we are, quite frankly,
still in this mess.
[shrieks] Look at my ship!
-[funky music plays]
-[Shrike] Thing's finally got character.
Just limp yourself
to the nearest ink station.
We're done here.
Oh no, we ain't.
You guys are going to tow us there.
-I ain't towing jack!
-Ah, ah, ah, ah!
Recorded verbal contracts
are legal with the UMB.
Get us to a station,
unless you want to lose
your current standings on the leaderboard.
Isn't that right, Scritch?
What's with him?
You got his tongue or something?
You're one to talk.
Can't understand half
of what comes out of your gab.
[splutters] He's not even saying anything!
It's a brotherly connection
only the closest of kin can share.
Isn't that right, little bro?
Oh-ho-ho, you!
Such a kidder.
Beebs! He's making us take him to--
[Beebs] I heard.
Finally, the brains of the operation.
Give it to me straight, Doc. How is she?
Man, oh man. She's taken quite a beating.
[Scratch] Life support offline!
Blue drive gone!
Hull strength… 7%.
Oh Lordy, these repairs.
Hopefully, this'll teach you
to keep away from, uh,
whatever that was.
I'm surprised Mr. Red Suit
hasn't told ya about them.
[Scratch] Those nasty customers
are the Agari.
[eerie piano music playing]
[Scratch, echoing] They used to be normal.
Happy. Prosperous, even.
Until the Terrans did,
you know, what they did.
[crackling]
The fallout changed them.
Now, they're mindless drones,
seeking out life to consume,
spreading the cataclysm's corruption
wherever they go.
L.A.W. tries their best
to keep them contained,
but the Q.Z. is profoundly vast,
and they're beginning to seep out.
And they attacked you because…?
Because they wanted
my sweet, sweet kitty innards!
I imagine I'm quite the delicacy.
Gristle ain't a delicacy.
Neither is that glop you call food.
Pizza! Blegh!
Oh, during my cleanup, I found this.
It was all I could recover.
Oh, goody!
A little ray of sunshine.
[ethereal musical sting plays]
Whoa! Smells like death.
-I don't smell anything.
-You don't have a nose.
-[Scratch muttering]
-[Beebs] What's in that?
Just some Terran antiques we scrounged up,
hoping to pawn them off for cheddar.
Well, I don't want you two grubbing up
the place any more than Shrike does.
You have to hold out here.
Those stains were already there
when I moved in…
Did you say "Terran stuff"?
Oh, no. You had your chance, bucko!
Come on, I just want to look.
I might be feeling more generous
if you fetch Scritch and I
something to drink.
We're parched.
[Beebs] Play nice, you two.
Oh, busboy, don't forget the drinks now.
It'll be all worth it, Beebs. I swear.
Debt-free, and a peek
at some rare Terran goodies.
Yeah, sure. You keep thinking that.
[whirs, buzzes]
[whirs, buzzes]
Hey, quit lazing about over there
and help me scan this, will ya?
[objects rustling, jangling]
-[purring]
-[ethereal music playing]
[rock music playing]
[playing gentle guitar music]
-[Scratch] Oh, Shrikey-poo!
-[guitar music stops]
If you don't get my drink
in the next two minutes,
you can forget
about looking at my goodies.
Why did he say it like that?
Don't have too much fun now.
[tapping keypad]
[resumes playing gentle music]
[crackling]
[sighs]
[whirring]
[bleeping quietly]
[eerie whirring]
-[crackles]
-[groans] Ah!
This is the T.C.F. Bucket.
May I ask who's calling?
[whirring]
[sighs] Another thing to fix.
It never ends.
Hmm. I know no one's out there,
but care to listen
to the plight of a fool?
[playing gentle music]
Mercenary life.
Is this the right path for me?
Please… [sighs]
…give me a sign.
[indistinct voices echoing]
What are… Who's out there?
-[quiet ethereal music playing]
-[whirring]
Man, I'm losing it.
Maybe I should quit.
[indistinct voices echoing]
Can… you hear me?
-[resumes playing gentle music]
-Can you hear me now?
[echoing voice] Ooh-ooh!
I am able to perceive you.
But you are not Them.
Them? You sound confused, buddy.
Name's Bulldog. Bulldog Browns.
You are separate,
but can communicating with Us.
Bulldog.
Bulldog has the feeling of Them.
I don't understand
what you mean by "Them."
I'm just a mercenary.
Oh, question. What is mercenary?
Who they? What do?
Well, a mercenary is someone
who does a job for money,
no questions asked.
Though I'm starting
to have a lot of questions.
Ooh-ooh! What is money?
Will Us need it?
Currency, you know.
Used to buy things.
Ooh-ooh! Separates buy things.
Can Us have thing?
Separate?
You guys think as one, then.
Us and Them were one,
but something changed.
Shrike's not gonna believe this.
[echoing voice] What is… Shrike?
Are another something?
Shrike? He's my friend.
Or something.
[echoing voice] Ooh, friend.
Us no friend. Us has friend Them.
Us trying to find Them.
What happened?
Us and Them had escaped Green Place,
looking for purpose,
until Them was gone.
Now alone, missing Them.
Are you the Agari that attacked Scratch?
Separates hurt Us.
Hurt Them.
What did Scratch do?
They took… Them!
[Scratch] Ten, nine,
eight, seven,
six, five…
Four, three, two, one, zero!
Whoops, too late.
¡Tonto! You did that on purpose!
No peek for you.
-[whirring]
-[bleep]
Ho-ho! What's this?
-[whirring]
-[bleeping]
[chiming]
[gasping]
Brother, I think this little nugget's
gonna solve all our problems.
Wait, what is that?
Your services are no longer required.
You may go now, slave.
Okay then, here are your drinks.
I'm not even gonna dignify that
with a response, you infant!
-I wanna see!
-[Scratch] No, it's mine!
[hysterical giggling]
[screams]
-[Shrike grunts, snickering]
-[Scratch] Ah!
[both grunting]
[Scratch] Son of a… Ah! Ah! Ah!
[ethereal music playing]
[crackles]
[pulsing]
[crackling]
[pulsing, whirring]
Ain't supposed to do that.
The hell did you bring on my ship?!
-[footsteps pounding]
-[Beebs] Ugh!
[whirring]
[suspenseful rock music playing]
I thought I said play nice.
The hell is going on?
-It was him!
-It was him!
[eerie whirring]
[Beebs] Ugh!
[creaking, whirring]
Stop! You'll knock a hole in the bulkhead.
This is all I know!
Grab hold.
[Beebs grunting]
[crackling]
[keypad bleeping]
It ain't working!
It's still not working!
-Don't push my buttons!
-You push mine!
[music intensifies]
[Beebs yelling] Ah!
-[elevator chimes, whirs]
-[music stops]
[suspenseful rock music resumes]
[crackling]
You wanna come clean?
I didn't do nothing!
So you did something.
How was I supposed to know
that gunk was gonna do this?
It was probably your filthy ship that…
Whoa-ho-ho-ho, hey! Ah!
I expect this kind of behavior
from the squid boy, but not from you.
It's been a long day.
Those things started it!
[ethereal music playing]
[Scratch] We were,
uh, sniffing around the Q.Z. border.
Pre-cataclysm era. A great find.
All of a sudden,
these two fungal freaks
came out of nowhere.
[whirring, chiming]
[Scratch] They kept making
this insufferable noise.
Getting closer and closer.
I only fired a warning shot.
Mm, but, uh…
Let's just say we left in a hurry.
I just found out it's worth something,
else I would've tossed it.
Processed correctly, it could become
an incredibly powerful aphrodisiac.
Imagine going at it for hours.
An aphro-whatty-what?
-Forget I asked.
-[deep rumbling]
-[crackling]
-[whooshing]
-[alarm blaring]
-[popcorn pops]
Uh, boys,
where do you keep your sunscreen at?
-[distant screeching]
-Ugh!
-[rumbling]
-[metal rattling]
-[both screaming]
-[Beebs playing gentle music]
[Scratch grunts, screams]
[whooshing]
-[clicks]
-[whirring]
[alarm continues blaring]
My one regret…
ever helping you!
You came to save us!
-[rumbling thud]
-[Shrike yelps]
We… We stopped?
-I know what's not going to stop.
-[screams] Ah!
You've got impeccable timing.
-[tense music playing]
-[echoing voice] Ooh-ooh. It is Us.
Us is here to reclaim friend Them.
Are those Separates your… friend?
You could put it that way.
What's he playing honky-tonk for?
We're gonna die!
Us, tell me what you need.
Open yourself up so I can help Them.
[rock music playing]
[hissing breath exhales]
-Separate Bulldog, you have to…
-[crackling]
Damn it.
Shrike, get over here.
Those chords I taught you, play them.
You… You expect me to remember them now?
Just do what you can.
Why?
Just trust me, okay?
Okay.
[playing jangly guitar music]
It's not working. I can't hear them.
Hear who?
You need to play to match the music.
Have your hand like this on the fret.
Like this?
A little higher.
This?!
Yes! Just keep playing that.
Are you all right?
[echoing voice] Bulldog, Them is…
Them sounds… green.
-[poignant music playing]
-The song, it's all wrong.
Us can't hear Them anymore.
Us is here now.
Do you not remember?
You have to let Them go.
[echoing voice] Them never let Us go.
Us and Them formed together.
Us and Them left Green Place together.
And now, Us and Them will…
[music fades]
-Shrike!
-You got it, amigo!
[rock music playing]
[crackling]
[playing gentle guitar music]
Go on.
Oh, do I have to?
It's a damn plant!
Say it.
[grunts] Ha!
I'm
sorry… you made me
accidentally shoot your friend.
He says he's sorry.
Us is sorry for…
[Beebs] Don't be.
I've been there once or twice.
How are Us to go on, all on our own?
Us is…
I am afraid.
It can feel like that, a lot.
But you'll find your way.
Have you?
[no audible vocalization]
I'm getting there.
Them is gone, but… still here.
New change hard,
but Us will try.
Thank you, Bulldog.
Call me Beebs. All my friends do.
Thank you, friend Beebs.
May Us…
We meet again.
[whirring]
[ethereal musical sting plays]
What do you mean
the important thing is we survived?
How about that debt cancellation?
[shatters]
[gasps] Guess I don't know
me own strength.
Looks like there's no evidence
of the contract after all, such a shame.
You dolts be on your way--
Actually, while I was
cleaning out The Best,
I wanted to keep tabs on you two.
[Scratch] All right,
I'll call off your debt
once you get us out of this mess.
[yells] Ha!
So if you don't want your boss
to ask why you dropped 2,500 ranks,
I suggest you sign off on the contract,
and we can be on our merry way.
Oh, you sly bastard.
Wow, I ain't even mad.
[bleeps]
-Ah, Scritch.
-[ethereal music playing]
Gotta love the fine print.
They never specified
which of their debts to cancel.
Now, let's hope the boss
doesn't cancel us.
[playing gentle guitar music]
[knocking at door]
-[TV chattering]
-[in Spanish] Come in.
Don't want to watch it on the bridge?
I thought I'd, you know,
just keep it in here.
I don't want to annoy you
when you're playing.
Come on, move over.
So, what's happening?
Oh, uh, well, El Bandito's amigo
Dos Pantalones,
that's his caballo,
took something from that duende.
But Bandito thinks
it's the other way around,
so he's fighting him instead.
What's a duende?
Wait, if I'm here and you're here,
then who's flying the ship?
Cruise control.
I thought you said
computers can't do things by themselves.
Mm-hmm.
-I told it to do that.
-[bleeps]
She'll be at the drop-off point
in an hour.
Ooh! That's at least three more
El Bandito episodes.
Well, unless you want to show me
some more guitar stuff?
After this job is over.
Go on, put another one on.
[eerie music playing]
Should be smooth sailing from here on out.
[glass shattering]
[both whimpering]
[rapid beeping]
[eerie music continues]
[screams]
[rapid beeping continues]
[pings, whirs]
[man] Sorry to interrupt your fun, man,
but I… I have some thrilling news.
We finally tracked down the package.
[laughs] Take a guess who has it.
Care for a spot of revenge, my dear?
[continues whimpering]
[rock music playing]
[music intensifies]
[music fades]