Nolly (2023) s01e03 Episode Script
Episode 3
All good things
must come to an end.
Gentlemen, I have been sacked!
Why did they get rid
of you? I don't know.
They've never spent
any money on this show.
Now they're spending a fortune
just to get rid of you.
Scene 14, farewell to Meg.
Nolly! You idiot.
It's Noele Gordon leaving
behind her tatty old soap
and becoming the
star she always was.
Do you think I'd let those
bastards stop me? I've got plans!
JIMMY TARBUCK: He's
got no magic powers,
he just can't get out
of the bath. LAUGHTER
And the winner is
it's no surprise, I give
you, ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Noele Gordon!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well done, Nolly.
Bless you, sweetheart.
The inaugural member of
the TV Times Hall Of Fame!
Now, they invented this award
to get Nolly out of the way,
cos she keeps winning
Best Actress every year!
You're a very
naughty man, Jimmy.
I'm sure that's not true.
SHE CHUCKLES But, erm, still
if I'm stepping aside, then
maybe one of my dear friends
from the cast of Coronation
Street might win.
AUDIENCE: Oooh! At last.
If they're lucky.
Coronation Street, everyone.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Morning, Nolls. All
right, love? Fine. Yes.
Good morning, everyone.
Two, three, and one.
One, two, three. Again.
One, two, three.
One more.
And reach.
One, two, three,
and onto the floor.
And legs. Right, then.
Over, one, two, three, four.
And one, two
AEROBICS INSTRUCTOR:
..seven, eight, take it up.
And one.
And two.
Three.
And four. Keep it slow.
One, two, three, four,
five and six. Ooph!
One, two,
three, four, five,
six, seven, eight,
Don't give up, girls.
Let's go. Two
Oh, it's good. It's
very good. I'm excited.
I mean, Gypsy is one of the
greatest shows in the world.
Roger's a delight.
Fiona's a miracle. She's going to
take a lot of people by surprise.
And, er, it's lavish.
The sets are astonishing.
How big's the orchestra? 14.
Wow!
In Leicester?
Top notch. Mm.
And the company, it's very
sweet. I'm the mother hen.
You were born to be
adored by the male chorus.
And I include myself.
How's the show?
Good. Fine, I think.
Adam's got religion.
Which amounts to me
wandering around in a mac.
Hm. Do you ever?
Do you still watch?
No. Far too busy.
Mm.
CROSSROADS THEME TUNE PLAYS
How are the ratings?
Going down.
All the talk
is about transferring
to the West End.
That's all we
hear, all day long.
Which theatre? The Adelphi.
But the point is, if
we don't transfer,
I'll have failed.
Not the show. Me.
I don't think that's fair. That's
what people are waiting for.
The story writes itself.
"TV star sacked,
goes on stage, dies."
They're in for a surprise, then.
Because I can't shake it off.
"What happened?"
Every sodding day, I get
asked the same question
Why did they get
rid of you, Nolly?
But why did Crossroads sack you?
I don't understand it. Why
on earth were you sacked?
Oh, and here it comes again.
I'm sorry, I hope I'm not
interrupting your meal,
but my mother's such a fan.
Do you think? Could
I have your autograph?
Of course, darling.
Any second now. And
what's your mother's name?
Alice. "To Alice."
Three, two, one
I hope you don't mind my asking,
but why did they get rid of you?
I don't know, dear.
I do not know.
I don't know, all right?
Sorry.
Mind you, why did they?
I still think there's
something we've not been told.
Oh, and do you know what they're
saying about me in Leicester?
GIGGLING
STIFLED LAUGHTER
TONY: I mean, if
it's any consolation,
people often think
I'm a lesbian, too.
It's my walk.
I like a heavy
boot. Yes, madam?
Yes, erm, do you see the
lady in the blue dress?
I'll pay her bill.
Sure, madam. Thank you.
Oh, not the wine. No problem.
No.
But the pressure is on
me, and it's on me alone.
My first entrance,
he's got me coming in from
the back of the auditorium.
Oh, very modern.
They've all seen Cats.
Mm. Roger keeps on saying
Nolly, you come in from there,
and the entire audience
will be amazed.
But the entire audience will
be facing the wrong way.
And you'll surprise them.
Gloriously!
Cora, you open the door.
And, Nolly, you say the line.
AMERICAN ACCENT: Sing
out, Louise. Sing out!
Bigger.
Sing out, Louise. Sing out!
Even bigger!
Sing out, Louise! Sing out!
Bigger, Nolly.
Fill the space, make
everyone turn around.
Sing out, Louise! Sing out!
Sing out, Louise! Sing out!
Sing out, Louise! Sing out!
He keeps on saying, "Bigger,
and bigger, and bigger."
And I can't.
I don't just want people
turning their heads.
I want them to
burst into applause.
I want this whole theatre
to see Miss Noele Gordon
bring the house down!
It sounds rather marvellous.
Yeah, but don't you see, I can't?
I don't think I can do
it. The place will erupt!
Just listen to me for a
second! I didn't bring you here
to tell me that everything's
going to be all right.
I am saying no-one
is going to clap,
because I can't do it.
This part is a monster.
She is a legend. She is
a major piece of work.
And I'm not good enough!
OK.
Sorry.
SHE SIGHS HEAVILY
Rose has been played by
Ethel Merman, for God's sake.
Angela Lansbury.
I'm someone who's wasted their
time in a motel for 18 years.
The most exciting thing I
had to do was sack the chef.
Mm.
And I shouldn't smoke.
I can't do it, Tony.
I can't.
You can see it in their faces.
"That woman off TV."
NOLLY: Well, someone
tell me When is it my turn?
Don't I get a dream for myself
Startin' now It's
gonna be my turn
Gangway, world
Get off of my runway
Startin' now, I bat a thousand
This time, boys I'm
takin' the bows and
Everything's coming up Rose
Everything's coming up roses
Everything's coming up roses
This time for me ♪
And it's huge, The Haymarket.
It's huge.
One thousand seats.
Watching me fail.
Have you said any of this? Hm?
Have you tried talking
to them? SHE SCOFFS
It's a long time since you've
been in proper rehearsals.
All they do is talk.
I love it! I love
every second of it!
And I'll be damned if you're
going to take it away from me!
I am Gypsy Rose Lee.
I love her. And if you
don't, you can clear out now!
But do you think she's sad as
well? Oh, yes, she's very sad.
I mean, she's proud
and she's angry,
but she's still very sad.
Don't you think, Nolly? Hm?
Yes.
I can't help thinking of myself
when I was just starting out.
'And then off we go.'
Nonstop!
FIONA: That's what I
felt when I was 18.
I thought, "If men
just see me as pretty,
"then, OK, I'll be pretty,
but I'll be clever as well."
I thought, "You just watch me."
That's why this show
says so much to me.
It's all about taking
control of your body.
I think it's sad, for Rose.
She's missed her chance.
You've had things taken
away from you, Nolly.
You've been robbed of
opportunities, don't you think?
I think
..it's all in the script.
But it's 1933, and
you were there, Nolly.
You were on stage in 1933.
You've actually survived it.
I'm just asking you how.
Well, does it matter?
But Momma Rose loves Herbie,
and you must've had
someone who you loved
..once, didn't you?
Everything we need is on the page.
Shall we just get on with it?
OK.
From the top.
If you want my opinion
..I think you're a
coward. And a baby.
And a bore.
And, yes, you're
absolutely right,
you've waded through shit
dialogue for 18 years.
So now you're presented with one of
the greatest scripts on God's Earth,
then, yes, you're going to fail.
You're determined to. Hugely.
Visibly. Lavishly.
Or
you can go back to Leicester
..do your job
..and fucking act!
ROGER: Well, it was
only a stagger through.
And it wasn't
exactly staggering.
But we're getting
there, bit by bit.
I still think, Nolly, to,
er, jump to the end
So, we could bring the whole of that
last song much further downstage,
right into the
audience, right as!
I suppose I just find
that a bit exposing.
That's how she feels. Yes.
I get that. I do understand.
I suppose it's the one
thing I've been fighting.
After, you know,
all these years.
I was, er
Did you know
that I was the first
woman in the world
to appear on colour
television? Really?
And that is where I
stayed, on camera.
And I was happy there
for a long, long time.
It's no wonder you gossip.
I can hear you talking about me.
Everybody says I'm a dyke.
I often think it's not fair.
Patty, when a woman
hasn't got a man,
they say that she's failed,
she's lacking, she's odd.
Which means she's a lesbian.
You must find that
very offensive.
I've never really thought about
it. But the point still stands.
When you are a woman
with no husband,
no partner, no children,
society doesn't
know who you are.
There's no place for us.
This silent army of
women with no name.
Actually, that is
offensive. Thank you.
You're right. Thank you.
Bastards. Exactly.
But I did have someone.
I gave him 20 years of my life.
Val
Parnell.
Oh, really?
Is that a man? Val?
Short for Valentine.
Huge impresario.
Big, blond giant. He
worked with everybody,
Judy Garland. Bob Hope.
He signed up Julie
Andrews when she was 12.
And he was married.
Which means you've
all got an opinion.
No, it happens, darling.
Actually, my father had
an affair for 12 years
and it destroyed
my mother. I know.
It completely
destroyed her. So
I understand. Good.
Val Parnell set up
ATV, didn't he? Yes.
So he set up
Crossroads for you? No.
It wasn't like that.
Nolly, he bought you.
ROGER: All right, Becky.
He told his wife. And then
he came to me and he said,
"Helen knows all about you."
And he said, "I need you both.
"I want you to be friends."
And she accepted
that? Yes, she did.
Was she mad? No,
she loved him.
And I loved him.
That's the bit you
have to understand.
I absolutely loved him
with all of my heart.
So, we had dinner,
the three of us.
And she took me to one
side, and she said,
"He is a wonderful man,
"and I'm prepared to accept
you as his mistress
"if you are prepared to
accept me as his wife."
And I said
"I will."
And then, from then
on, we shared him.
That's how we lived for years.
He bought an apartment
in the South of France
overlooking the Mediterranean.
It was all white and gold.
And he flew us out.
And we sat there one
night, having dinner.
Me, Val and Helen.
And he looked at Helen
and he looked at me
..and he raised his champagne
in a toast and he said,
"I've always wanted this, you
two, sitting either side of me.
"And I want you to know
"that you are the two
great loves of my life."
And then, the next
day, he flew home
and ran off with a third
woman called Aileen.
CAST AND CREW GASP I
never saw him again.
Oh, my God!
He died in 1972.
That greedy old heart
stopped beating.
Bloody hell
And I can see you,
girls, all thinking,
"Oh, I'd never let a
man do that to me."
Well, I wouldn't.
It's a different
world now. No.
They're clever.
They're cleverer than
you'll ever know.
And they play games on
levels you can't even see.
You don't believe me now
because you're young,
and you're tough,
and you're brilliant.
But I promise you,
you will turn round
at 40, or 60, or 80
..and you'll say, "Oh, my God.
"He got me.
"He got me."
I thought all of this was me.
Turns out, it was him.
All the things that
I could've become
were taken by him.
All my life
..was him.
And you ask me why I was sacked.
Every single day,
every single person asks
me why I was sacked.
And that is the reason.
They know.
The herd.
The pack. The instinct.
They can smell a victim.
I was sacked because
I was sackable.
Those men just did
what they always do,
they singled me out,
they bared their teeth,
and they brought me down.
And then they raised
a glass of champagne
and moved on to the next!
And, yes, I will sing
your song downstage.
Cos that is going to
get us to the West End.
I will sing your
bloody song downstage,
right here,
in front of one thousand people!
Everything's coming up Rose
Everything's coming up roses
Everything's coming up roses
This time for me!
For me!
For me!
For me! For me!
For me!
For
Me! ♪
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
MICHAEL: I'm afraid
it's not happening.
The West End.
I'm sorry, darling. You
were absolutely sensational.
OK. We tried.
But we can't.
OK.
TONY: Nolly?
Ah, I've got to rush, Nolly.
Thanks for the drinks.
That's a godawful white wine.
The last train's at 11:00.
You were absolutely
mesmerising, darling.
A star is born.
Well, she was born an
awfully long time ago.
But, thank you. Now, run.
I'll come and see it again.
I'll come see it
in London! Bye-bye!
It's not you. It's contractual.
What does that mean?
They are reviving
Gypsy on Broadway,
which means, legally, there
can't be another production.
We're three thousand miles away!
I know, I've asked, we've checked,
there's nothing we can do.
And I swear, it is
not your performance.
You were absolutely splendid.
You had that round of applause
when you first walked in.
Oh, don't be so
stupid, that was easy.
You start the clapping.
Clap like hell and do not stop.
All right, go.
INDISTINCT DIALOGUE ON STAGE
Sing out, Louise!
Sing out!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
You're behind, honey.
You're behind. Catch up.
I have done one
hundred thousand shows.
If I want applause, I'll get it.
But that is the limit
of my talent, it seems.
POPPY: Oh, my God, Nolly!
You were absolutely amazing!
Oh, I can't believe
I even know you!
I was crying my
eyes out at the end.
I know Poppy. I've
known her for years.
We were at Mountview.
Oh, that's lovely.
Well, there's drinks for
everyone in the green room.
This is Michael, my agent. I've
decided to charge it all to him.
So, erm, dive in!
Oh, let's get pissed!
Thank you, Michael!
See you in there!
There is a chance.
Derek Nimmo.
He runs those tours
abroad. The Far East.
Hm. Am I so bad I have
to leave the country?
Come now, it's good work.
He said, if Gypsy isn't picked
up, he'd take the whole company,
Fiona and everybody.
And you've been a good
team, haven't you?
What's the show?
The Boy Friend.
It's going to Bahrain,
Kuala Lumpur, Abu Dhabi.
Well, what are the theatres
like? Are they any good?
Well, it's dinner theatre.
OK.
You think about
it. No, I'll do it.
God knows, everyone
staring at me.
Maybe I need to go somewhere
where I can't be seen.
I have to go. But, look
I will telephone you
on Sunday afternoon
and we can talk about it.
And really, you
were magnificent.
Merry Christmas, darling.
Merry Christmas.
Oh! And, therefore,
happy birthday!
TONY: 'I used those cheques
for gas and electricity.
'And there's quite a
few charity requests.'
But nothing urgent. Although
the RNLI would like to
know about July 31st.
NOLLY: 'Oh, say, yes.'
I always say yes to them.
I'll be back July 10th.
'So, how is it? What's
the hotel like?'
Oh, it's nice enough.
Well, there's not much choice,
there's only one hotel in Abu Dhabi.
'But still
'everyone's pleased to see us,
we're like visiting dignitaries.'
Where do you go next?
Bangkok.
Fiona says it's wonderful.
She keeps saying she's going
to take me to a strip club.
I think they imagine
that I'm shockable.
Lord, what fools
these mortals be.
ROWDY LAUGHTER AND CHATTER
You can fly a plane?
Oh, I'm fully qualified.
I learnt for television.
If we're flying back
and we get into trouble
and someone says, "Is there
anyone who can fly the plane?"
look for Nolly.
Is that a hard-boiled egg?
SQUELCHING Oh, not hard-boiled.
No. I've been a director,
a producer, an executive.
I've had my own chat show.
I have done it all.
HE SHOUTS IN THAI
And now, it appears, I've
been in a police raid.
Well, they said about my
career, I couldn't get arrested.
But look at me now, Mother!
NOLLY LAUGHS
THEY ALL LAUGH
MAN: Miss Gordon, Miss
Fullerton, come with me.
There you are. I am
sorry it took so long.
I'm from the Consulate.
My name's Hansa.
I've got a car outside, and I
can get you back to the hotel.
But I just need you to sign
a couple of forms first.
Miss Fullerton, you
needed to use the phone?
If I could. I'd better
tell them I'm still alive.
HANSA SPEAKS IN THAI
If I could just get you
to sign on the line,
on all five pages, thank you.
Sorry. It's basically a promise
not to sue the authorities.
Mm I must say,
it's nice to say hello.
I feel like I already know you,
even though we've never met.
I used to work at
Cumberland Place for ATV.
Huh!
That's funny. I left
a couple of years ago.
My mother's not very well,
and this job came up, so
time to come home. Mm.
Now I have to deal with drug
trafficking and military violence.
It's a lot easier than
television. Oh, I bet!
But I've got to say
I thought what they did
to you was terrible.
Oh, that's very kind. But
it's all in the past, darling.
Everyone keeps asking
me why I was sacked.
And I worked it out long ago.
It was men.
Just men being men.
Well, yes.
But that man in particular.
What man? What
did they tell you?
Well, they didn't. But I
want to know, what man?
What did he say? I'm sorry.
It's none of my business.
Except, I was there.
I heard every word.
I'm sorry, Miss Gordon, but I
know exactly why you were sacked.
Good to see you.
You look wonderful.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Hello, yes. Erm
Coffee for me with
milk, thank you.
Nolly? Nothing.
Are you sure? Absolutely.
Is that just the
one coffee, then?
Yes, thank you. OK.
Sorry, but I'm a very big fan.
Thank you. I hope you
don't mind me asking,
but why did they get rid of you?
Hm.
Ask him.
OK.
One coffee. JACK
COUGHS AWKWARDLY
So
why did you want to see
me? Oh, a few things.
Nice to catch up.
And there's that charity night
thing for Birmingham City Council
The funny thing is
I wanted to see you.
In fact, I think it's very
important that we talk because
I found out something.
By chance. Someone told me.
The reason for my sacking.
In fact, I wrote it down.
I was given this piece of paper
by a policeman in Bangkok.
It's far too long a story.
I was sacked
..because I'm "a bully".
Because I'm "a prima donna".
Because I'm "delusional".
I make people "go through hell".
I'm "a fly in the ointment".
It appears I was sacked because
I am "a difficult asset".
Who said so?
Charles Denton, that's who.
Your boss. The man in charge.
Well, if he did, if
he was actually
Oh, I'm sorry, am I being
"a difficult asset"?
"Noele Gordon is a difficult
asset," those were his exact words.
Well, he might have said
There were problems
with the show. But
how did he know
anything about me?
I mean, he was never in studio.
He would never see rehearsals.
I don't imagine he's watched
a single episode of Crossroads
in his entire life.
So where did his
information come from, Jack?
Who told him this
..version of me?
I never said those exact things.
A bully? I didn't say that.
Delusional? I didn't say that.
Prima donna? I
did not say that.
Difficult asset? Oh, by
Christ, you are difficult!
Of course you are.
Who are we kidding?
Every day, every scene, every
decision, you're a nightmare!
And don't sit there and
pretend you didn't know.
You're very hard work.
Then tell me this.
If I was such a monster,
then why the hell
didn't you tell me?
A lunch. For God's
sake, Jack, a dinner.
A meeting with my agent.
Consult me.
Confront me. Tell me
what is going wrong.
But, no, what do
you do? You sack me.
Without a word.
You axe me.
In public.
Now, look me in the eye
and tell me that is
the right thing to do.
Is it?
No.
Do you think it's fair? No.
Do you think it's professional?
No.
Would you have
done that to a man?
And let me tell you
the answer to that,
the answer to that is no!
I just don't understand
..why you were so
..unkind.
I'm sorry.
Were you so scared of me? No.
All right.
I would complain to Charles.
That's how it works,
it goes upwards.
You complain to me,
I complain to him.
But I never thought he'd listen.
That's where it all went wrong.
I was used to old-school ATV,
where they would puff on cigars
and pass the port
and do sod all.
And then, suddenly, I
had this brand-new boss
who takes me at my word and
does something about it.
I mean, a boss actually
doing something?
My God!
And I couldn't backtrack.
I'd said what I said, so
..here we are.
So it was an accident?
In a way, yes.
My life was destroyed
..by accident.
Oh
It never really
worked, Crossroads.
What, says the producer?
Coronation Street, it's
about the working class.
Emmerdale Farm, is about
..a farm.
But Crossroads
it's about a motel.
We don't have motels.
People don't know what a motel
is. They think it's a typo.
The whole thing is
based on a mistake.
But we couldn't stop.
The one thing that machine
can never do is stop.
So on we went.
Episode after episode
after episode.
God alive, no wonder we fight.
And I suggest the fight goes on.
Come back, Nolly.
Ha! No, I mean it.
That's why I wanted
to see you today.
I miss you. I want
you to come back.
Let me make this
perfectly clear.
I will never, ever
work with you again.
I thought, "Venice."
Meg in Venice.
Adam and Jill get married,
they go on honeymoon to Venice.
And I thought, "What
could be better
"if Adam arranged
a little surprise?"
They walk into a
restaurant in Venice
and there is her mother.
Meg.
In all her glory.
In Venice.
Real Venice?
Or Venice in studio?
Real Venice.
MUSIC: 'Funiculi
funicula' by Luigi Denza
Aissera, Nannine Me ne
sagliette tu saie addo?
Tu saie addo?
Addo
'Stu core 'ngrato cchiu
dispietto Farme nun po!
Farme nun po!
Addo lo fuoco coce Ma
si fuie te lassa sta!
Te lassa sta!
E nun te corre appriesso
Nun te struie sulo a guarda
Sulo a guarda
Jamme, jamme 'ncoppa!
Jamme ja funiculi, funicula!
Jamme, jamme
'ncoppa Jamme ja ♪
SHE CRIES OUT IN PAIN
DIALOGUE IS MUTED
TONY LAUGHS
It's all rather
splendid. Thanks to you.
I normally travel in steerage,
sitting on a box of chickens.
This is nothing new, darling.
In 1967, Crossroads
went to Tunisia.
The motel was blown up by a
newly-discovered World War II bomb.
So, while we were being
rebuilt, we all went to Tunisia.
As one does.
This programme can be a
little bit mad at times.
Oh, it's bloody nuts!
TONY LAUGHS
Good morning,
Nolly. Morning, Jim.
Hello, Sanjay.
Hello, Miss Gordon.
Good morning, Michael.
And how's the family?
They're great, Nolly
How's Emily? Give
her my love. Will do.
Hello, Tim.
JACK: Good morning,
Miss Gordon!
So, everyone!
Scene 15.
I think Adam and Jill arrive in
the doorway, and they stand there.
Adam says he's booked
a special table.
But, damn it, there's
somebody sitting there!
And that's you, Nolly.
You're over here.
You'll be in this chair,
if that works for you.
Mm-hm. Thanks.
With your back to the camera.
Oh, nice angle, Bob, with
the fountain in foreground.
So, Adam says, "I'll have a
word with whoever she is."
He crosses the floor.
OK, Tony? OK, yeah.
And I stay by the fountain?
Yes, that's right.
You stay over there,
just watching.
So, Tony, come to the table.
You talk to the woman.
You stand here. OK.
There's no actual dialogue?
No, no, it's silent.
Because we're seeing it
from Jill's point of view.
We don't need to
cover this, Jim.
Just say, "Excuse
me," or something.
Because Adam's pretending.
Say, er, "Excuse me, the table is
booked for that lady over there."
And you can indicate Jane.
And then, Nolly, you turn.
You simply turn around.
And that's it, the
return of Meg Mortimer.
You turn around, you
look at your daughter
..and the entire nation
gasps.
So
Tony says, "That
lady over there?"
Or you can do it with a gesture.
I can do it with a gesture.
Is that OK? What do
you think, Nolly?
Does that work for
you? Is that all right?
We can move it.
We, could, er
We could choose a
different table.
Or we could shoot from
another angle, but
What do you think?
I think
..it's fine.
Right.
Good.
OK, if we can set
that up, please!
Now, if you're feeling
tired No, don't fuss.
No, if you're feeling
tired, just say.
No-one's going to suspect anything.
They'll just think it's the heat.
You worry too much.
Always.
It's a very happy
shoot, though, isn't it?
All that silly nonsense.
Will we ever know
why you were sacked?
Oh, I know why.
Really? Mm.
I can tell you the
reason. Which is?
It was a story.
That's all.
I was just a good story.
And every story ends.
We are taking you
to that specialist.
Everything is going to be
fine. The past few days
..I can't help looking
back. Don't talk like that.
No, but I was thinking.
About Val.
And all those men. You've
had a few, darling.
Mm.
Clive the soldier.
I was only 18.
He proposed to me in the
cellar of the Adelphi Hotel
in the middle of an air raid.
Then he jilted me.
Because I was an actress.
Then there was the
stockbroker who wanted me.
But only if I gave
everything up.
So I said, "No."
And then that agent.
Ben.
Do you know, I can't even
remember his surname.
So many years ago.
It's been a very
long life.
But the funny thing is,
out of all of them
..I love
..you.
Oh, Miss Gordon!
JACK: Tony! Opening
positions, please!
Get on with it.
Oh, yes, it's lovely.
Excellent.
Everyone, I think
we'll record this one.
Final checks, please!
Everyone set?
Guys, good?
And
action!
You're absolutely beautiful.
They said I might be
too frivolous. Bah!
TELEPHONE RINGS
Crossroads Motel,
can I help you?
Are you trying to poison me?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Mwah!
Smile, you miserable bastard.
Is this some sort of soap opera?
Because I only watch TV for
the news and the wildlife.
Well, then, you're
a fucking idiot.
Thank you.
Now, there are a number
of approaches we can take.
Although it's got to be said,
I consider this to be
urgent, Miss Gordon.
We try not to give an exact
prognosis in cases like this.
But still
I'd say we're talking about a
small number of years, at best.
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE CONTINUES
Oh! Nolly, are you all right?
And cut!
Check it.
Was that all right?
It was lovely.
Did it work? JACK:
Good for sound?
Yeah, I think so.
Everyone!
I think I can say, on
behalf of us all
..welcome back,
Miss Noele Gordon.
CHEERING
Bravo!
Bravo!
Bravo!
Bravo!
accessibility@itv.com
must come to an end.
Gentlemen, I have been sacked!
Why did they get rid
of you? I don't know.
They've never spent
any money on this show.
Now they're spending a fortune
just to get rid of you.
Scene 14, farewell to Meg.
Nolly! You idiot.
It's Noele Gordon leaving
behind her tatty old soap
and becoming the
star she always was.
Do you think I'd let those
bastards stop me? I've got plans!
JIMMY TARBUCK: He's
got no magic powers,
he just can't get out
of the bath. LAUGHTER
And the winner is
it's no surprise, I give
you, ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Noele Gordon!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well done, Nolly.
Bless you, sweetheart.
The inaugural member of
the TV Times Hall Of Fame!
Now, they invented this award
to get Nolly out of the way,
cos she keeps winning
Best Actress every year!
You're a very
naughty man, Jimmy.
I'm sure that's not true.
SHE CHUCKLES But, erm, still
if I'm stepping aside, then
maybe one of my dear friends
from the cast of Coronation
Street might win.
AUDIENCE: Oooh! At last.
If they're lucky.
Coronation Street, everyone.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Morning, Nolls. All
right, love? Fine. Yes.
Good morning, everyone.
Two, three, and one.
One, two, three. Again.
One, two, three.
One more.
And reach.
One, two, three,
and onto the floor.
And legs. Right, then.
Over, one, two, three, four.
And one, two
AEROBICS INSTRUCTOR:
..seven, eight, take it up.
And one.
And two.
Three.
And four. Keep it slow.
One, two, three, four,
five and six. Ooph!
One, two,
three, four, five,
six, seven, eight,
Don't give up, girls.
Let's go. Two
Oh, it's good. It's
very good. I'm excited.
I mean, Gypsy is one of the
greatest shows in the world.
Roger's a delight.
Fiona's a miracle. She's going to
take a lot of people by surprise.
And, er, it's lavish.
The sets are astonishing.
How big's the orchestra? 14.
Wow!
In Leicester?
Top notch. Mm.
And the company, it's very
sweet. I'm the mother hen.
You were born to be
adored by the male chorus.
And I include myself.
How's the show?
Good. Fine, I think.
Adam's got religion.
Which amounts to me
wandering around in a mac.
Hm. Do you ever?
Do you still watch?
No. Far too busy.
Mm.
CROSSROADS THEME TUNE PLAYS
How are the ratings?
Going down.
All the talk
is about transferring
to the West End.
That's all we
hear, all day long.
Which theatre? The Adelphi.
But the point is, if
we don't transfer,
I'll have failed.
Not the show. Me.
I don't think that's fair. That's
what people are waiting for.
The story writes itself.
"TV star sacked,
goes on stage, dies."
They're in for a surprise, then.
Because I can't shake it off.
"What happened?"
Every sodding day, I get
asked the same question
Why did they get
rid of you, Nolly?
But why did Crossroads sack you?
I don't understand it. Why
on earth were you sacked?
Oh, and here it comes again.
I'm sorry, I hope I'm not
interrupting your meal,
but my mother's such a fan.
Do you think? Could
I have your autograph?
Of course, darling.
Any second now. And
what's your mother's name?
Alice. "To Alice."
Three, two, one
I hope you don't mind my asking,
but why did they get rid of you?
I don't know, dear.
I do not know.
I don't know, all right?
Sorry.
Mind you, why did they?
I still think there's
something we've not been told.
Oh, and do you know what they're
saying about me in Leicester?
GIGGLING
STIFLED LAUGHTER
TONY: I mean, if
it's any consolation,
people often think
I'm a lesbian, too.
It's my walk.
I like a heavy
boot. Yes, madam?
Yes, erm, do you see the
lady in the blue dress?
I'll pay her bill.
Sure, madam. Thank you.
Oh, not the wine. No problem.
No.
But the pressure is on
me, and it's on me alone.
My first entrance,
he's got me coming in from
the back of the auditorium.
Oh, very modern.
They've all seen Cats.
Mm. Roger keeps on saying
Nolly, you come in from there,
and the entire audience
will be amazed.
But the entire audience will
be facing the wrong way.
And you'll surprise them.
Gloriously!
Cora, you open the door.
And, Nolly, you say the line.
AMERICAN ACCENT: Sing
out, Louise. Sing out!
Bigger.
Sing out, Louise. Sing out!
Even bigger!
Sing out, Louise! Sing out!
Bigger, Nolly.
Fill the space, make
everyone turn around.
Sing out, Louise! Sing out!
Sing out, Louise! Sing out!
Sing out, Louise! Sing out!
He keeps on saying, "Bigger,
and bigger, and bigger."
And I can't.
I don't just want people
turning their heads.
I want them to
burst into applause.
I want this whole theatre
to see Miss Noele Gordon
bring the house down!
It sounds rather marvellous.
Yeah, but don't you see, I can't?
I don't think I can do
it. The place will erupt!
Just listen to me for a
second! I didn't bring you here
to tell me that everything's
going to be all right.
I am saying no-one
is going to clap,
because I can't do it.
This part is a monster.
She is a legend. She is
a major piece of work.
And I'm not good enough!
OK.
Sorry.
SHE SIGHS HEAVILY
Rose has been played by
Ethel Merman, for God's sake.
Angela Lansbury.
I'm someone who's wasted their
time in a motel for 18 years.
The most exciting thing I
had to do was sack the chef.
Mm.
And I shouldn't smoke.
I can't do it, Tony.
I can't.
You can see it in their faces.
"That woman off TV."
NOLLY: Well, someone
tell me When is it my turn?
Don't I get a dream for myself
Startin' now It's
gonna be my turn
Gangway, world
Get off of my runway
Startin' now, I bat a thousand
This time, boys I'm
takin' the bows and
Everything's coming up Rose
Everything's coming up roses
Everything's coming up roses
This time for me ♪
And it's huge, The Haymarket.
It's huge.
One thousand seats.
Watching me fail.
Have you said any of this? Hm?
Have you tried talking
to them? SHE SCOFFS
It's a long time since you've
been in proper rehearsals.
All they do is talk.
I love it! I love
every second of it!
And I'll be damned if you're
going to take it away from me!
I am Gypsy Rose Lee.
I love her. And if you
don't, you can clear out now!
But do you think she's sad as
well? Oh, yes, she's very sad.
I mean, she's proud
and she's angry,
but she's still very sad.
Don't you think, Nolly? Hm?
Yes.
I can't help thinking of myself
when I was just starting out.
'And then off we go.'
Nonstop!
FIONA: That's what I
felt when I was 18.
I thought, "If men
just see me as pretty,
"then, OK, I'll be pretty,
but I'll be clever as well."
I thought, "You just watch me."
That's why this show
says so much to me.
It's all about taking
control of your body.
I think it's sad, for Rose.
She's missed her chance.
You've had things taken
away from you, Nolly.
You've been robbed of
opportunities, don't you think?
I think
..it's all in the script.
But it's 1933, and
you were there, Nolly.
You were on stage in 1933.
You've actually survived it.
I'm just asking you how.
Well, does it matter?
But Momma Rose loves Herbie,
and you must've had
someone who you loved
..once, didn't you?
Everything we need is on the page.
Shall we just get on with it?
OK.
From the top.
If you want my opinion
..I think you're a
coward. And a baby.
And a bore.
And, yes, you're
absolutely right,
you've waded through shit
dialogue for 18 years.
So now you're presented with one of
the greatest scripts on God's Earth,
then, yes, you're going to fail.
You're determined to. Hugely.
Visibly. Lavishly.
Or
you can go back to Leicester
..do your job
..and fucking act!
ROGER: Well, it was
only a stagger through.
And it wasn't
exactly staggering.
But we're getting
there, bit by bit.
I still think, Nolly, to,
er, jump to the end
So, we could bring the whole of that
last song much further downstage,
right into the
audience, right as!
I suppose I just find
that a bit exposing.
That's how she feels. Yes.
I get that. I do understand.
I suppose it's the one
thing I've been fighting.
After, you know,
all these years.
I was, er
Did you know
that I was the first
woman in the world
to appear on colour
television? Really?
And that is where I
stayed, on camera.
And I was happy there
for a long, long time.
It's no wonder you gossip.
I can hear you talking about me.
Everybody says I'm a dyke.
I often think it's not fair.
Patty, when a woman
hasn't got a man,
they say that she's failed,
she's lacking, she's odd.
Which means she's a lesbian.
You must find that
very offensive.
I've never really thought about
it. But the point still stands.
When you are a woman
with no husband,
no partner, no children,
society doesn't
know who you are.
There's no place for us.
This silent army of
women with no name.
Actually, that is
offensive. Thank you.
You're right. Thank you.
Bastards. Exactly.
But I did have someone.
I gave him 20 years of my life.
Val
Parnell.
Oh, really?
Is that a man? Val?
Short for Valentine.
Huge impresario.
Big, blond giant. He
worked with everybody,
Judy Garland. Bob Hope.
He signed up Julie
Andrews when she was 12.
And he was married.
Which means you've
all got an opinion.
No, it happens, darling.
Actually, my father had
an affair for 12 years
and it destroyed
my mother. I know.
It completely
destroyed her. So
I understand. Good.
Val Parnell set up
ATV, didn't he? Yes.
So he set up
Crossroads for you? No.
It wasn't like that.
Nolly, he bought you.
ROGER: All right, Becky.
He told his wife. And then
he came to me and he said,
"Helen knows all about you."
And he said, "I need you both.
"I want you to be friends."
And she accepted
that? Yes, she did.
Was she mad? No,
she loved him.
And I loved him.
That's the bit you
have to understand.
I absolutely loved him
with all of my heart.
So, we had dinner,
the three of us.
And she took me to one
side, and she said,
"He is a wonderful man,
"and I'm prepared to accept
you as his mistress
"if you are prepared to
accept me as his wife."
And I said
"I will."
And then, from then
on, we shared him.
That's how we lived for years.
He bought an apartment
in the South of France
overlooking the Mediterranean.
It was all white and gold.
And he flew us out.
And we sat there one
night, having dinner.
Me, Val and Helen.
And he looked at Helen
and he looked at me
..and he raised his champagne
in a toast and he said,
"I've always wanted this, you
two, sitting either side of me.
"And I want you to know
"that you are the two
great loves of my life."
And then, the next
day, he flew home
and ran off with a third
woman called Aileen.
CAST AND CREW GASP I
never saw him again.
Oh, my God!
He died in 1972.
That greedy old heart
stopped beating.
Bloody hell
And I can see you,
girls, all thinking,
"Oh, I'd never let a
man do that to me."
Well, I wouldn't.
It's a different
world now. No.
They're clever.
They're cleverer than
you'll ever know.
And they play games on
levels you can't even see.
You don't believe me now
because you're young,
and you're tough,
and you're brilliant.
But I promise you,
you will turn round
at 40, or 60, or 80
..and you'll say, "Oh, my God.
"He got me.
"He got me."
I thought all of this was me.
Turns out, it was him.
All the things that
I could've become
were taken by him.
All my life
..was him.
And you ask me why I was sacked.
Every single day,
every single person asks
me why I was sacked.
And that is the reason.
They know.
The herd.
The pack. The instinct.
They can smell a victim.
I was sacked because
I was sackable.
Those men just did
what they always do,
they singled me out,
they bared their teeth,
and they brought me down.
And then they raised
a glass of champagne
and moved on to the next!
And, yes, I will sing
your song downstage.
Cos that is going to
get us to the West End.
I will sing your
bloody song downstage,
right here,
in front of one thousand people!
Everything's coming up Rose
Everything's coming up roses
Everything's coming up roses
This time for me!
For me!
For me!
For me! For me!
For me!
For
Me! ♪
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
MICHAEL: I'm afraid
it's not happening.
The West End.
I'm sorry, darling. You
were absolutely sensational.
OK. We tried.
But we can't.
OK.
TONY: Nolly?
Ah, I've got to rush, Nolly.
Thanks for the drinks.
That's a godawful white wine.
The last train's at 11:00.
You were absolutely
mesmerising, darling.
A star is born.
Well, she was born an
awfully long time ago.
But, thank you. Now, run.
I'll come and see it again.
I'll come see it
in London! Bye-bye!
It's not you. It's contractual.
What does that mean?
They are reviving
Gypsy on Broadway,
which means, legally, there
can't be another production.
We're three thousand miles away!
I know, I've asked, we've checked,
there's nothing we can do.
And I swear, it is
not your performance.
You were absolutely splendid.
You had that round of applause
when you first walked in.
Oh, don't be so
stupid, that was easy.
You start the clapping.
Clap like hell and do not stop.
All right, go.
INDISTINCT DIALOGUE ON STAGE
Sing out, Louise!
Sing out!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
You're behind, honey.
You're behind. Catch up.
I have done one
hundred thousand shows.
If I want applause, I'll get it.
But that is the limit
of my talent, it seems.
POPPY: Oh, my God, Nolly!
You were absolutely amazing!
Oh, I can't believe
I even know you!
I was crying my
eyes out at the end.
I know Poppy. I've
known her for years.
We were at Mountview.
Oh, that's lovely.
Well, there's drinks for
everyone in the green room.
This is Michael, my agent. I've
decided to charge it all to him.
So, erm, dive in!
Oh, let's get pissed!
Thank you, Michael!
See you in there!
There is a chance.
Derek Nimmo.
He runs those tours
abroad. The Far East.
Hm. Am I so bad I have
to leave the country?
Come now, it's good work.
He said, if Gypsy isn't picked
up, he'd take the whole company,
Fiona and everybody.
And you've been a good
team, haven't you?
What's the show?
The Boy Friend.
It's going to Bahrain,
Kuala Lumpur, Abu Dhabi.
Well, what are the theatres
like? Are they any good?
Well, it's dinner theatre.
OK.
You think about
it. No, I'll do it.
God knows, everyone
staring at me.
Maybe I need to go somewhere
where I can't be seen.
I have to go. But, look
I will telephone you
on Sunday afternoon
and we can talk about it.
And really, you
were magnificent.
Merry Christmas, darling.
Merry Christmas.
Oh! And, therefore,
happy birthday!
TONY: 'I used those cheques
for gas and electricity.
'And there's quite a
few charity requests.'
But nothing urgent. Although
the RNLI would like to
know about July 31st.
NOLLY: 'Oh, say, yes.'
I always say yes to them.
I'll be back July 10th.
'So, how is it? What's
the hotel like?'
Oh, it's nice enough.
Well, there's not much choice,
there's only one hotel in Abu Dhabi.
'But still
'everyone's pleased to see us,
we're like visiting dignitaries.'
Where do you go next?
Bangkok.
Fiona says it's wonderful.
She keeps saying she's going
to take me to a strip club.
I think they imagine
that I'm shockable.
Lord, what fools
these mortals be.
ROWDY LAUGHTER AND CHATTER
You can fly a plane?
Oh, I'm fully qualified.
I learnt for television.
If we're flying back
and we get into trouble
and someone says, "Is there
anyone who can fly the plane?"
look for Nolly.
Is that a hard-boiled egg?
SQUELCHING Oh, not hard-boiled.
No. I've been a director,
a producer, an executive.
I've had my own chat show.
I have done it all.
HE SHOUTS IN THAI
And now, it appears, I've
been in a police raid.
Well, they said about my
career, I couldn't get arrested.
But look at me now, Mother!
NOLLY LAUGHS
THEY ALL LAUGH
MAN: Miss Gordon, Miss
Fullerton, come with me.
There you are. I am
sorry it took so long.
I'm from the Consulate.
My name's Hansa.
I've got a car outside, and I
can get you back to the hotel.
But I just need you to sign
a couple of forms first.
Miss Fullerton, you
needed to use the phone?
If I could. I'd better
tell them I'm still alive.
HANSA SPEAKS IN THAI
If I could just get you
to sign on the line,
on all five pages, thank you.
Sorry. It's basically a promise
not to sue the authorities.
Mm I must say,
it's nice to say hello.
I feel like I already know you,
even though we've never met.
I used to work at
Cumberland Place for ATV.
Huh!
That's funny. I left
a couple of years ago.
My mother's not very well,
and this job came up, so
time to come home. Mm.
Now I have to deal with drug
trafficking and military violence.
It's a lot easier than
television. Oh, I bet!
But I've got to say
I thought what they did
to you was terrible.
Oh, that's very kind. But
it's all in the past, darling.
Everyone keeps asking
me why I was sacked.
And I worked it out long ago.
It was men.
Just men being men.
Well, yes.
But that man in particular.
What man? What
did they tell you?
Well, they didn't. But I
want to know, what man?
What did he say? I'm sorry.
It's none of my business.
Except, I was there.
I heard every word.
I'm sorry, Miss Gordon, but I
know exactly why you were sacked.
Good to see you.
You look wonderful.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Hello, yes. Erm
Coffee for me with
milk, thank you.
Nolly? Nothing.
Are you sure? Absolutely.
Is that just the
one coffee, then?
Yes, thank you. OK.
Sorry, but I'm a very big fan.
Thank you. I hope you
don't mind me asking,
but why did they get rid of you?
Hm.
Ask him.
OK.
One coffee. JACK
COUGHS AWKWARDLY
So
why did you want to see
me? Oh, a few things.
Nice to catch up.
And there's that charity night
thing for Birmingham City Council
The funny thing is
I wanted to see you.
In fact, I think it's very
important that we talk because
I found out something.
By chance. Someone told me.
The reason for my sacking.
In fact, I wrote it down.
I was given this piece of paper
by a policeman in Bangkok.
It's far too long a story.
I was sacked
..because I'm "a bully".
Because I'm "a prima donna".
Because I'm "delusional".
I make people "go through hell".
I'm "a fly in the ointment".
It appears I was sacked because
I am "a difficult asset".
Who said so?
Charles Denton, that's who.
Your boss. The man in charge.
Well, if he did, if
he was actually
Oh, I'm sorry, am I being
"a difficult asset"?
"Noele Gordon is a difficult
asset," those were his exact words.
Well, he might have said
There were problems
with the show. But
how did he know
anything about me?
I mean, he was never in studio.
He would never see rehearsals.
I don't imagine he's watched
a single episode of Crossroads
in his entire life.
So where did his
information come from, Jack?
Who told him this
..version of me?
I never said those exact things.
A bully? I didn't say that.
Delusional? I didn't say that.
Prima donna? I
did not say that.
Difficult asset? Oh, by
Christ, you are difficult!
Of course you are.
Who are we kidding?
Every day, every scene, every
decision, you're a nightmare!
And don't sit there and
pretend you didn't know.
You're very hard work.
Then tell me this.
If I was such a monster,
then why the hell
didn't you tell me?
A lunch. For God's
sake, Jack, a dinner.
A meeting with my agent.
Consult me.
Confront me. Tell me
what is going wrong.
But, no, what do
you do? You sack me.
Without a word.
You axe me.
In public.
Now, look me in the eye
and tell me that is
the right thing to do.
Is it?
No.
Do you think it's fair? No.
Do you think it's professional?
No.
Would you have
done that to a man?
And let me tell you
the answer to that,
the answer to that is no!
I just don't understand
..why you were so
..unkind.
I'm sorry.
Were you so scared of me? No.
All right.
I would complain to Charles.
That's how it works,
it goes upwards.
You complain to me,
I complain to him.
But I never thought he'd listen.
That's where it all went wrong.
I was used to old-school ATV,
where they would puff on cigars
and pass the port
and do sod all.
And then, suddenly, I
had this brand-new boss
who takes me at my word and
does something about it.
I mean, a boss actually
doing something?
My God!
And I couldn't backtrack.
I'd said what I said, so
..here we are.
So it was an accident?
In a way, yes.
My life was destroyed
..by accident.
Oh
It never really
worked, Crossroads.
What, says the producer?
Coronation Street, it's
about the working class.
Emmerdale Farm, is about
..a farm.
But Crossroads
it's about a motel.
We don't have motels.
People don't know what a motel
is. They think it's a typo.
The whole thing is
based on a mistake.
But we couldn't stop.
The one thing that machine
can never do is stop.
So on we went.
Episode after episode
after episode.
God alive, no wonder we fight.
And I suggest the fight goes on.
Come back, Nolly.
Ha! No, I mean it.
That's why I wanted
to see you today.
I miss you. I want
you to come back.
Let me make this
perfectly clear.
I will never, ever
work with you again.
I thought, "Venice."
Meg in Venice.
Adam and Jill get married,
they go on honeymoon to Venice.
And I thought, "What
could be better
"if Adam arranged
a little surprise?"
They walk into a
restaurant in Venice
and there is her mother.
Meg.
In all her glory.
In Venice.
Real Venice?
Or Venice in studio?
Real Venice.
MUSIC: 'Funiculi
funicula' by Luigi Denza
Aissera, Nannine Me ne
sagliette tu saie addo?
Tu saie addo?
Addo
'Stu core 'ngrato cchiu
dispietto Farme nun po!
Farme nun po!
Addo lo fuoco coce Ma
si fuie te lassa sta!
Te lassa sta!
E nun te corre appriesso
Nun te struie sulo a guarda
Sulo a guarda
Jamme, jamme 'ncoppa!
Jamme ja funiculi, funicula!
Jamme, jamme
'ncoppa Jamme ja ♪
SHE CRIES OUT IN PAIN
DIALOGUE IS MUTED
TONY LAUGHS
It's all rather
splendid. Thanks to you.
I normally travel in steerage,
sitting on a box of chickens.
This is nothing new, darling.
In 1967, Crossroads
went to Tunisia.
The motel was blown up by a
newly-discovered World War II bomb.
So, while we were being
rebuilt, we all went to Tunisia.
As one does.
This programme can be a
little bit mad at times.
Oh, it's bloody nuts!
TONY LAUGHS
Good morning,
Nolly. Morning, Jim.
Hello, Sanjay.
Hello, Miss Gordon.
Good morning, Michael.
And how's the family?
They're great, Nolly
How's Emily? Give
her my love. Will do.
Hello, Tim.
JACK: Good morning,
Miss Gordon!
So, everyone!
Scene 15.
I think Adam and Jill arrive in
the doorway, and they stand there.
Adam says he's booked
a special table.
But, damn it, there's
somebody sitting there!
And that's you, Nolly.
You're over here.
You'll be in this chair,
if that works for you.
Mm-hm. Thanks.
With your back to the camera.
Oh, nice angle, Bob, with
the fountain in foreground.
So, Adam says, "I'll have a
word with whoever she is."
He crosses the floor.
OK, Tony? OK, yeah.
And I stay by the fountain?
Yes, that's right.
You stay over there,
just watching.
So, Tony, come to the table.
You talk to the woman.
You stand here. OK.
There's no actual dialogue?
No, no, it's silent.
Because we're seeing it
from Jill's point of view.
We don't need to
cover this, Jim.
Just say, "Excuse
me," or something.
Because Adam's pretending.
Say, er, "Excuse me, the table is
booked for that lady over there."
And you can indicate Jane.
And then, Nolly, you turn.
You simply turn around.
And that's it, the
return of Meg Mortimer.
You turn around, you
look at your daughter
..and the entire nation
gasps.
So
Tony says, "That
lady over there?"
Or you can do it with a gesture.
I can do it with a gesture.
Is that OK? What do
you think, Nolly?
Does that work for
you? Is that all right?
We can move it.
We, could, er
We could choose a
different table.
Or we could shoot from
another angle, but
What do you think?
I think
..it's fine.
Right.
Good.
OK, if we can set
that up, please!
Now, if you're feeling
tired No, don't fuss.
No, if you're feeling
tired, just say.
No-one's going to suspect anything.
They'll just think it's the heat.
You worry too much.
Always.
It's a very happy
shoot, though, isn't it?
All that silly nonsense.
Will we ever know
why you were sacked?
Oh, I know why.
Really? Mm.
I can tell you the
reason. Which is?
It was a story.
That's all.
I was just a good story.
And every story ends.
We are taking you
to that specialist.
Everything is going to be
fine. The past few days
..I can't help looking
back. Don't talk like that.
No, but I was thinking.
About Val.
And all those men. You've
had a few, darling.
Mm.
Clive the soldier.
I was only 18.
He proposed to me in the
cellar of the Adelphi Hotel
in the middle of an air raid.
Then he jilted me.
Because I was an actress.
Then there was the
stockbroker who wanted me.
But only if I gave
everything up.
So I said, "No."
And then that agent.
Ben.
Do you know, I can't even
remember his surname.
So many years ago.
It's been a very
long life.
But the funny thing is,
out of all of them
..I love
..you.
Oh, Miss Gordon!
JACK: Tony! Opening
positions, please!
Get on with it.
Oh, yes, it's lovely.
Excellent.
Everyone, I think
we'll record this one.
Final checks, please!
Everyone set?
Guys, good?
And
action!
You're absolutely beautiful.
They said I might be
too frivolous. Bah!
TELEPHONE RINGS
Crossroads Motel,
can I help you?
Are you trying to poison me?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Mwah!
Smile, you miserable bastard.
Is this some sort of soap opera?
Because I only watch TV for
the news and the wildlife.
Well, then, you're
a fucking idiot.
Thank you.
Now, there are a number
of approaches we can take.
Although it's got to be said,
I consider this to be
urgent, Miss Gordon.
We try not to give an exact
prognosis in cases like this.
But still
I'd say we're talking about a
small number of years, at best.
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE CONTINUES
Oh! Nolly, are you all right?
And cut!
Check it.
Was that all right?
It was lovely.
Did it work? JACK:
Good for sound?
Yeah, I think so.
Everyone!
I think I can say, on
behalf of us all
..welcome back,
Miss Noele Gordon.
CHEERING
Bravo!
Bravo!
Bravo!
Bravo!
accessibility@itv.com