Not Suitable for Work (2026) s01e03 Episode Script

1
[Funky blues music playing]
[whispering] Kel, I have to talk to you.
- It's 6 a.m.
- Yeah, I know.
My boss Paula has made me
come in early all week
to transcribe the 1988
Democratic National Convention.
TGIF, right?
Did you wake me up to make small talk?
No, I
I slept with AJ.
- Last night? How?
- No, in college.
- Again, how?
- How?
The same way I pulled
all the baddies in college.
I blew her mind
during a Model UN competition.
Oh, Jesus,
AJ did that nerdy shit, too?
It's not nerdy. It's prestigious and cool.
Samuel L. Jackson did Model UN.
Okay, this is not up for debate.
Yeah, debate was for losers.
Okay, stop.
Do you have feelings for AJ?
No, I never had feelings for her.
I didn't even remember hooking up
until she reminded me.
- Okay, so this is nothing.
- Yeah, I agree, so I have to tell Davis.
Wh no! Absolutely not.
- He likes her too much.
- I don't like secrets.
- Journalists are built different, man.
- No, no.
Remember, we didn't invite Davis
to our high school reunion.
Now, he doesn't even like it
when we hang out without him.
Kel, I have to believe in a world
- where people can change and mature.
- [door opens]
It's Friday, fuckers!
[huffing]
What are you guys talking about?
[Upbeat, electronic music playing]
- Hey.
- [Davis] Hey.
I'm excited for our dinner tomorrow night.
I'm making this recipe from Bon Appétit.
I don't have a subscription,
so it goes blurry
after the ingredients,
but I'll figure it out.
Oh, that's a lot of effort.
- Mm.
- Thank you.
- Uh, what should I bring?
- Nothing.
This is a thank you for being you.
Just bring yourself. That's enough.
- [softly] I'm enough.
- What?
- Hm?
- Oh, do you have any allergies?
Nah, nah.
Only thing bro's allergic to is bad vibes.
Good. I hate when guys have allergies.
They're so annoying.
Totally. It's a choice.
Right.
- Dinner's at 7:00.
- Classique, huh?
Not too early, not too late.
Hey, who fucked with the value comps
on the Yarn Barn board deck?
I did.
I just noticed they excluded Michael's
and Etsy, which are better comps
and make Stanson's offer
look more conservative.
Okay, but you have to tell me
before updating a live deal.
I've been hitting your Slack all morning.
I'm right there, in my office.
You said if anyone fuckin' bothered you,
you'd fuckin' eat our fuckin' faces.
♪♪
Fine. Whatever. Good catch.
[Catherine] Hello?
Bill Gibson?
- Where is Bill Gibson?
- Oh, hey, Catherine?
Hey, what are you, um,
what are you doing here?
- What am I doing here?
- Yeah.
What are you doing here?
It's our anniversary,
and you left without saying goodbye.
I have to work, Catherine.
I am not a Romanian prince
like your last boyfriend.
Enough about your stupid job.
I have been up since 4:00.
Right? Planning a whole elaborate morning
and there was gonna be chilaquiles
and sex and
Uh
Well, I guess that's it, but both of those
would have been mind-blowing.
Facts.
Thank you.
Hey, I am really sorry, but can we talk
about this in my office, please?
No, actually. We're done.
My heart cannot survive on luxury travel
and designer bags and orgasms alone.
- Here. It's yours.
- Oh!
Whoa.
Okay, look, I I cannot talk to you
when you're acting irrational like this.
- Irrational?
- Yes.
You want irrational?
Oh, uh, hey, hey, hey.
Whoa! Hey!
♪♪
I'm actually gonna take that,
sell it on eBay.
Get to work.
Whoa.
[Funky music playing]
Good morning.
No, I need the LV shoes we put Austin in
from the shoot yesterday back, ASAP.
Yes, on it. Where are they?
Austin asked to wear them
to Kid Cudi's birthday party.
I don't know. I said yes.
You have to go get them back.
Those shoes need to be on a plane
to Milan at 7 a.m. tomorrow
for a photo shoot with Pharrell.
Okay, okay.
[chuckles] It'll be okay.
I will text Austin now.
What are you writing?
You cannot fuck this up.
"Hey, we need those LV shoes back ASAP!"
Good?
Terrible, but there's no time.
I need this fixed, Abby.
- [phone chiming]
- Okay.
And? What'd he say?
- [voice fading] Abby, what did he say?
- [Austin] No problem.
I'll drop them at Vanessa's myself
because I want to respect the friendship.
That being said,
the offer to hook up still stands.
- [Vanessa] Why are you smiling?
- Hm?
- What did he say?
- Oh, sorry.
He says yes.
[sighs] I knew he would.
Why are you still standing there?
Okay.
♪♪
Theresa, yeah, Catherine is getting
her shit out of the apartment,
so find me any five-star hotel near work.
No, not the Bowery.
I don't need to see, like,
Jared Leto at the ice machine.
The Greenwich?
Yeah, fine.
For what it's worth,
I think only our team saw
the chilaquiles incident,
and maybe some of
mergers and acquisitions.
Jesus Christ.
You want some advice?
Yes. Let me open my Notes app.
Never be in a relationship.
- Okay.
- Yeah, no one gets our lifestyle.
I mean, they want the perks
The fancy dinners,
the Hamptons, the floor seats.
But they hate every sacrifice
we make to get 'em.
I get it. That's so smart.
- Don't be in a relationship.
- Anyway.
Uh, hm, I guess
I will be spending the weekend
drinking wine in a hotel business center.
Hope you have better plans than that.
[Upbeat acoustic guitar playing]
I'm actually throwing a dinner thing
tomorrow night.
You could swing by if you feel like it.
[elevator dings]
Yeah, maybe. Uh, send me the details.
Oh! Okay, I will.
Oh. Oh, my God.
♪♪
[Abby] Hey, where are you?
I've been waiting here all day.
[text whooshes, chimes]
[Austin] Sorry! I'm playing poker
with Noah Baumbach.
If I leave now,
he'll take it personally.
Will be there after a few more hands.
Promise!
[Abby]
That is not a good excuse!
♪♪
[Vanessa] Did you sleep here?
- Where are the shoes?
- [gasps] Oh, uh [groaning]
Austin said he'd have them
dropped off, but he didn't.
Austin doesn't work for me. You do.
And because of that sad fact,
Pharrell didn't get the shoes,
and his shoot went a little differently
than what he wanted.
I'm so sorry. It's totally my fault.
I will apologize to Pharrell.
You think Pharrell
wants an email from you? No.
You'll come up with an appropriate apology
and gift from me,
and have it in his hands by tonight.
And there better not be drool
on those dresses.
There isn't.
♪♪
- [Kel] Josh!
- [knocking]
[Josh] Yeah, come in.
Hey, what are you doing?
- [water running]
- It's Saturday.
- I'm cleaning my squash shoes.
- Okay.
Hey, listen to this email I just got.
"Congratulations, Kel Washington.
"We like your look.
Out of thousands of submissions,
"Likenessity Solutions
has cast you as a new face
of our global pilot program."
- What? That's great!
- Yeah.
- What does it mean?
- It means I just worked out
and I need to shower for my shoot today.
I get that, but I'm playing squash
with my dad in an hour,
and I need to finish steaming the creases
out of my new squash whites,
or he'll razz me.
That is way less important.
No, it's not.
I've had the shittiest work week
of my life.
So, today is all about chilling out,
and that starts
with a game of squash with my dad.
Nothing puts me in a good mood
like watching that man move.
Oh, it never gets old.
It's weird how much you love your dad.
Sorry, Mom.
I-I'm not engaging with this negativity.
Today's about fun.
Squash with Dad,
followed by lunch at Katz's Deli.
But do I eat my whole hot pastrami there?
No. I take home half
and eat it while watching
the greatest movie of all time,
Broadcast News.
[Davis] Hey! Alright, guys, shut up.
I I have something very serious
to talk to you about.
I cannot sleep with AJ
after our first date tonight.
- Is it a date?
- No, she's making me a fancy dinner
'cause she doesn't want to bounce
on my lap and have ten kids.
She said I'm enough, Joshua.
Okay, then when the night's over,
just go home.
Don't be an idiot.
With the way I kiss,
she'll be begging for it.
She'll be dick-sick.
Then, just don't kiss her.
Of course, I'm gonna kiss her!
That's the rules.
First date is for getting
to know each other.
Tell her one little piece
of childhood trauma, then we kiss.
The second date, Fuck City.
- Why is this important?
- Because if the kiss gets too hot,
we will be on the express train
to Fuck City.
Who cares? If she's into it, good!
Bad! This needs to be a slow courtship.
This is love, not lust.
Yeah, I don't wanna be seen as just
a great lay in her eyes, I wanna
I want to maybe be her husband.
What is the information
you wanted to share?
Okay, to make sure
that there's zero chance
I spend the night, I'm going to tell her
I have early morning plans
to take you, Josh
to the diarrhea doctor.
Awesome, sounds good to me.
Please, get out.
No, not awesome. Do not tell her that.
It's perfect.
It's gross, and there's a kernel of truth,
'cause you do have a bad tummy.
I mean, you just spent an hour
in the bathroom.
Steaming my whites. Do not tell her
I'm going to the diarrhea doctor.
I will be really mad if you do.
Okay, I won't.
♪♪
- I'm telling him I slept with her.
- No.
- Yeah.
- No!
[Abby] If I can't get these shoes back,
I'm going to get fired!
I feel like you're overthinking this.
I bet Pharrell would like
one of those tubs of caramel corn.
I'm not sending caramel corn
to Pharrell Williams.
Cheddar corn?
Hey, I just bought you
a little chalkboard to label cheeses,
so can you stop cleaning
and focus on me right now, please?
Sorry, it's just,
Bill is coming to the dinner tonight.
Your boss, Bill? How?
I impulsively invited him,
and now he might come.
It can't just be the three of us.
You need to come too,
and invite your cool, artsy friends.
I know they're free.
None of them have jobs.
Please? Please, please, please?
I'm literally trying
to save my ass right now.
Invite your friends.
I don't have any. You're my friend.
I'm one of those people
who only has one friend.
- Okay? Happy?
- Okay, okay.
- I will put out an SOS.
- Thank you.
[sighs] And for what it's worth,
Bill's favorite wine is very expensive,
and I bought a lot of it.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
You expensive? Or Pharrell expensive?
- Me?
- [scoffs] Useless.
Oh, and don't breathe too deeply.
I used a lot of oven cleaner.
The air in here is poison.
Yeah, I don't care how many
leg days you do,
I'm gonna beat your ass
in straight sets, Dad.
- [laughing]
- S-Sign, please.
Oh, yes, I will, hotshot.
Why don't you put your money
where your calves are?
How 'bout that?
♪♪
[engineer] Kel, welcome to
the AI motion capture room.
- It's pretty small, huh?
- [camera clacking]
Perfect. Love that smirk, Kel.
You can't make a face like that.
Believe me, we've tried.
- [chuckles]
- [phone dings]
Oh, shoot, I'm I'm sorry.
No, no, you're good.
You can go ahead and take it.
Uh, one more smile,
and then we're gonna move on
to frowns and confusion.
[Abby] What are you doing tonight?
Want to come over at 7?
Yes. No, yes! That smile's perfect.
You're gonna make us all rich, Kel.
Well, I'm just really happy to be here.
This is like the start
of a whole new era for me.
AI? It's a whole new era for all of us.
Next month, we're literally
pitching a movie with no joke
Zero human actors.
Wait, zero actors? Why?
Have you ever met one? Kill me.
[nervous chuckle]
♪♪
Oh! [Chuckles]
- Ah!
- Whoo!
Well-played, Dad. Almost had ya.
Nils, my Swiss coach,
has really refined my game.
Of course, he wants a green card now.
Meanwhile, I'd kill to live in Gstaad.
[scoffs] You and me both, Dad.
- So, how's work?
- Work's okay.
Uh, they don't really take me seriously.
Oh? I can make some calls.
Say the word, you're VP of news.
It's not a moneymaker anymore.
No, I can't be the guy
that always gets Daddy
to make things better for him.
My coworkers hate me.
No, they're just jealous of you.
Look, it's admirable
you're trying to fit in,
but it's disingenuous to think
you're not different.
Your life is gonna be a lot easier
when you just accept that.
That sounds kind of elitist.
Well, I would happily take your trust fund
and donate it to Girls Inc.
Quick serve.
Ow! God dammit!
Oh! Stay focused, gotta stay focused.
♪♪
I know your mouth is telling me
my wine is here,
but my eyeballs are telling me it isn't.
I'm sorry, who signed for it?
[phone chiming]
[AJ] [on phone]
Where is my wine, asshole?
AJ? What are you talking about?
I don't drink wine. I drink mezcal.
Oh, please.
You signed for my Château Nuit Cuvée,
you thief, and now it is gone.
I only signed for it
because that's what we do
for each other in the building.
We're a community
who takes care of each other.
It's an old immigrant mentality.
Well, some asshole
in our community stole it.
And now, you owe me six bottles
of really nice shit by 7 p.m.,
and it better not come in a box,
you lazy dickhead.
[scoffs] First of all,
I would never buy boxed wine.
Second of all,
you're opening the wine at 7:00?
- You don't wanna give it time to breathe?
- Oh, God.
Hello?
- Hey. Hey, Davis?
- [knocking]
Have you had a chance to look
at that Likenessity contract I sent you?
- Doing it now, buddy.
- Okay, thank you.
[Kel] I didn't realize
it was an evil AI company.
You think I can get out of it?
- [nose hairs tearing]
- Oh, God, no!
- For real?
- Oh, no.
- Is it forever?
- Fuck.
- How is this legal?
- [sighs]
[Abby] Alright, career saved!
I just sent Vanessa
20 gift ideas for Pharrell.
There's an Hermès blanket,
a Diptyque of the Month Club.
I mean, they're all so expensive,
one of them has to be gold.
I don't know what those are,
so I'm sure they're great.
Whoa. Your makeup looks amazing.
Oh, thank you.
Full disclosure, a 14-year-old on YouTube
- helped me with the cat eye.
- Is this for Davis?
The guy who fell down the stairs
during Cinco de Mayo?
What? No.
Wait!
Is this for your boss? Is your boss hot?
I mean, I don't know.
He's, like, really good at his job,
and he's super charismatic.
Oh, God.
Don't Google him, don't Google him.
[scoffs] Oh, my God!
He is so hot.
He looks good
even in his corporate photo.
You little fucking liar!
How could you keep this from me?
I mean, I'm sure he cleans up
at the office.
Oh, he would never!
No, that's not his reputation at all.
He's above that.
You have a crush.
No, I don't. I just really admire him.
But, yes, he's objectively handsome.
Well, just in case,
let's fix your eye makeup.
- I thought you said it was good.
- It's not Bill Gibson good.
And Kel is the only other person coming,
so there's no place to hide.
What? It's only Kel?
- I'm sorry.
- No!
♪♪
Excuse me, young man.
Can I see some ID?
Wait, Vivian? Good to see you.
Oh, same, Josh!
- [wincing]
- Oh. Are you okay?
Ah, it's nothing.
Just a small penis injury.
Not a small-penis injury.
A small injury on my massive penis.
[chuckles] I got that.
How are you? You look great.
What brings you back to Murray Hill?
Uh, I'm just getting some wine
for a Drink and Draw class.
I'm hoping that if I get really drunk,
I will discover I'm an incredible artist.
[soft chuckle]
Uh, so how are things going with Eric,
the Property Brother?
Oh, he died.
- What?!
- No. [Chuckles]
I wish he died. He sucked,
and he dumped me.
I mean, you were right.
It's so embarrassing that I fell for
the first famous person I ever met, I
I get it. I once hugged Jon Stewart
- on the F train.
- [chuckles]
Well, I'm I'm sorry.
Hey, babe? They have your natural wine.
Do we have to bring enough to share?
- Um, no. It's just for us, B.
- Cool.
Uh, Josh, you remember Brett
from my work, right?
Wait, you're dating Brett, your coworker?
Guilty. [Chuckles]
[all laughing]
Brett, who always invited you to Run Club,
and you said I didn't have to worry
'cause he was such a loser.
- Perfect.
- Hey.
- Um
- No need to be hostile, man.
No need to touch me, man.
So great running into you, Vivian.
- [Brett screaming]
- [bottles breaking]
[Kel] Hey.
- All set?
- Yep. Wish me luck.
- Behind you.
- Right. Ooh! My bad.
[exhales sharply]
Oh, are you walking me to AJ's?
That is so nice.
You know, we really should
walk each other places more often.
Uh, n-no, Abby actually invited me over.
I think she wants to hook up.
During my dinner?
I I guess.
I don't know, the message was cryptic.
You know what that means.
Who has sex at 7 p.m.?
Good evening, gentlemen.
Entrez-vous. Your dinner awaits.
- Hi. Thank you.
- Hey.
Hey, you look great.
Uh, can I talk to you for a sec?
- Uh
- Mm-hmm.
So, notice Kel's at my thank you dinner.
- Uh, do you owe him a thank you too, or?
- Oh, no.
I just thought it would be
more fun to have more people.
Oh. 'Cause I was thinking
it was a more intimate two-person thing.
Wasn't ready to turn on the party charm.
Oh, but I bet you can.
Davis, you're so funny.
Well, yes, that's true.
Uh, you know what? It'll be fine.
Uh, just excuse me one second
while I go kill myself.
- What?
- No, I'm I'm kidding.
- It's my famous humor, it's
- [chuckles]
Bathroom? Yeah.
[AJ sighs]
Oh.
[Davis] [on phone]
My romantic date is a dinner party.
I'm an idiot. Should I leave?
Maybe mess with her toothbrush?
Look, I just bumped into Vivian
and her new boyfriend.
Yeah, I don't want to hear
about your shit right now, Josh.
It's relevant.
This guy, Brett, always liked her,
and just played the long game
by being her friend.
So he cucked you?
No. I mean, there's a larger lesson.
- You can't keep Vivian satisfied?
- Just shut up and listen.
The point is
many great relationships start as friends.
[sighs] So, I should just be AJ's friend.
Yes.
And maybe one day, win her heart,
and cuck some Melvin.
That's worth a shot.
Okay. I'm hanging up now.
[AJ] I'm afraid all I can offer you
to drink right now
is Abby's peppermint liqueur
from last Christmas,
because your shithead roommate Josh
let someone steal all my wine.
That's that's fine.
Um, but are we gonna eat dinner soon?
I kinda had a different idea
of how tonight was gonna go,
and now I don't care if I'm bloated.
Okay, well, we actually have
another special guest coming.
- [Davis] Another guest?
- Mm-hmm.
- Great. I love groups.
- [AJ] It's fine.
We can start with the oysters.
I shucked them
and made the mignonette myself.
- What? Peppermint liqueur and oysters.
- [AJ] Mm.
So refreshing. Salud.
[slurping]
- Is it good?
- Are you kidding me?
It's better than good, it's like having
a tiny wet tongue in my mouth.
- Mm.
- Uh, so where's that drink?
- Oh, one sec.
- Let me help you.
Dude, aren't you
crazy allergic to shellfish?
One little guy is fine.
And you saw how proud she was.
I'll be right back.
[Thrilling music playing]
Benadryl! Benadryl! Benadryl!
Oh, damn it!
You don't have to drink that.
No, no, it's actually good.
- This would slap with some chocolate milk.
- Oh, that's genius!
Did we just invent a new cocktail?
"We"? What did you do?
- Abby, could you try this?
- Yeah, of course.
- [phone ringing]
- It's Vanessa.
[scoffs] Give me one second.
Hi, Vanessa. Did you get my list?
I did, and I was blown away
by how terrible it was.
Pharrell is a visionary,
not some new-money private school mom.
Yes, I totally get that.
I actually have a thousand
much better ideas
- flooding my brain.
- Name one.
- Too slow.
- [line disconnects]
[Abby]
God, I'm gonna get fired.
Hey. Did you change?
- Yeah.
- Is that my turtleneck?
Relax. We share things.
I'm also wearing your deodorant.
- Davis, could you try this?
- Yes.
- What is it?
- It's like a seafood gumbo.
Yummy! Get in my belly.
- [chuckles] Oh.
- Here, have some lobster.
- [slurping]
- Is it good?
[clearing throat] So good. Yeah.
- Want another taste?
- No, 'cause I wanna wait for dinner.
You sure? 'Cause you didn't really get
any of the good bits.
- Mm-hmm, yeah, one more.
- Get this little bit.
[slurping] Mm!
♪♪
[screaming]
You know, a lot of people don't like AI,
but I think it could be a great tool
for actors to break into the industry.
Oh, God damn it!
I know, it's shady as hell.
What have I done?
This could lead to the entire collapse
of the art of acting.
Idris Elba is going to hate me.
No, sorry.
Cartier's refusing to make
a miniature crystal hat for Pharrell.
Hats are his thing!
If this doesn't work, I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
[door opens]
Davis, you're back. Let's eat.
Aren't we waiting for another guest?
You know, I don't wanna be rude.
Oh, I, um, I don't think he's coming.
Okay, but it still
feels early to eat, right?
Like, we're still in the chit-chat phase
of the evening.
Like, uh like, uh
like, tell us what it was like
to go to UPenn.
Yeah, I I love it there.
- Oh, you've been?
- Have I ever!
Once. I went with Josh.
- Sophomore year?
- Yeah, exactly.
I went there for lacrosse,
and Josh was there
with his nerdy Model UN group.
- Oh, shit.
- Let's just say it was an insane weekend.
And what happened?
Uh, alright, so opening whistle,
I win the face-off.
- I take it down the sideline
- No, skip to later that night, please.
Okay, well, I threw up
and fell asleep under a pool table.
But our Joshy, he hooked up big time.
Davis, this story is really boring.
Maybe we should go back
to the lacrosse game.
- Davis is talking, Kel.
- Yes, continue.
Okay, uh, some girl on the Model UN team
threw herself at Josh.
- What?
- What can I say? Our boy's got game.
Not that he needed it that night.
I did not throw myself at him!
[Davis] What?
You
You're the Philadelphia Thirst Monster?
The Philadelphia Thirst Monster?!
- [scoffs]
- [knocking]
[Josh] Hello?
I'm here with your stupid wine.
You called me
the Philadelphia Thirst Monster?!
You slept with AJ, and you never told me!
No, I didn't ow!
Damn it!
♪♪
How could you call me
the Philadelphia Thirst Monster?
Yeah, how could you call her that
and not tell me it was her
you were calling that?
I'm sorry, but are you okay?
You're, like, very sweaty.
Yeah, dog. Because I've been betrayed.
The only one who has been betrayed is me.
I was neither thirsty nor a monster.
[scoffs] Okay.
Well, to quote Buckingham Palace,
"recollections may vary."
What does that mean?
At the post-competition mixer,
you waited outside the bathroom
to introduce yourself.
I hadn't fully zipped.
- [Abby and Kel] You did?
- That doesn't make me thirsty.
I was being friendly.
You were like, "Is your dorm room big?"
Can I see it?"
Could you have been more obvious?
I was being curious.
Sorry I'm interested
in campus architecture.
Ben Franklin founded that shit.
- Oh, my God.
- And I'm sorry I was interested in you.
When I woke up, he was gone.
He totally ghosted me after we had sex,
and he never even texted me back.
Okay, you gotta leave a note, bro.
It's just a classy thing to do.
Yeah, that's what every girl does to me.
Oh, come on.
- What?
- Like you don't know why I ghosted you.
I honestly don't.
- [scoffs]
- Fine.
[scoffs] It's because the second
we were done,
she said, "Is that it?"
- [all gasp]
- Yes.
I didn't. I don't remember
Oh!
Oh, I did say that, for sure.
- I'm sorry.
- That's inexcusable.
Yeah, because it means
you have a small dick
or because you came too fast.
- Or even worse, you didn't cum at all.
- We get the implication.
Abby, it's not that bad, right?
Girl, I think that all the time,
but I keep it to myself.
[sighs] Okay, I wasn't gonna
bring this up,
but the only reason I said that
is because it was a genuine question
because I had never done it before.
[both gasp]
- You were AJ's first?
- And you ghosted her?
And you sucked at sex?
How was I supposed to know
it was your first time?
Oh, you just assume
all girls from Penn are sluts.
Josh, I need you to apologize
to AJ this instant.
- Stop eating those!
- [Davis] I'm supporting my friend.
[voice becoming hoarse]
Apparently, my only friend, Kel.
Davis is right. Apologize to me.
No, I will not.
There is no way I could have known
she was a virgin.
So, I'm gonna go.
- And I'm taking this with me.
- [AJ gasps]
- [Abby gasps]
- Ah. Hello.
[hoarsely] Austin Blanchett.
[AJ] Oh, my God!
- Davis! Hey!
- [all exclaiming]
[groaning] Oh, no.
So, you had an acute allergic reaction
to shellfish
and also adrenaline poisoning
from using EpiPens.
Why would you do that?
For love. And heartbreak.
Okay, well, neither of those
are medical problems, so I'm gonna go.
Thanks, Doc, you're the best.
- And you guys are the worst.
- [Kel] We're sorry.
Josh wanted to tell you, I said no,
for reasons that were
well-illustrated this evening.
But honestly, would telling you
have made you feel any better?
I guess we'll never know, will we?
Come on.
Fine.
But promise me
that you'll never lie to me again,
unless it's for, like,
a surprise birthday party.
- Sure. Yeah, we promise.
- First test, then.
Do you still have any feelings for AJ?
- Hell, no. Kill me. Barf.
- Okay.
You passed, this time.
[phone chiming]
[Josh] Hey, no phones
in the hospital, man.
Electromagnetism is no joke.
[cash register dings]
- Oh, my God.
- What?
- Are the girls checking in on me?
- [Kel] No.
Dude, I just got paid
ten grand for my shoot.
- Oh!
- You guys are looking at a working actor.
- Oh, my God!
- Holy shit. Oh!
Shit, my IV fell out.
- I'm so sorry.
- Nurse!
- You're pre-med.
- Nurse!
Look, I'm sorry about the shoes,
but I can make it up to you.
We're going to SNL tonight,
and Zendaya is hosting.
Are you serious?
No, no, no, no, you can't bribe
your way out of this
by taking me to SNL.
- You can take me.
- [softly] Go away.
My career is over if I can't come up
with a gift for Pharrell,
because of something you did.
- Wait, these are for Pharrell?
- Yeah.
I was at Topgolf with him
and Sally Rooney last week.
- I can give him a call.
- Uh, wait.
I know what you can do.
- You are taking me to SNL.
- Great.
- You gotta live.
- No.
I am dressing you head to toe
in Pharrell's upcoming resort collection.
And when we get to SNL,
you will be posing for paps
and posting it.
Yeah, no, I don't really post
pictures of myself on Instagram.
- It's basic.
- No.
You are posting it on your grid,
and on your stories,
and including a thank you to Vanessa.
Uh, okay. That seems fair.
Of course, it's fair.
It's completely your fault.
But thank you.
Hey! So, just to be clear,
where did we land on me going to SNL?
Do you even like comedy?
No. You're right, not really.
- Have fun, Austin Blanchett.
- [camera clicking]
[chuckles]
♪♪
Why?
I saw the the taped outtakes
of the interview with the girl.
I know you acted
your reaction after the interview.
- Oh, hey.
- I'll go back in.
No, don't. It's okay.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called you
the Philadelphia Thirst Monster.
I only did it because I was so humiliated.
Is it really that bad to say,
"Is that it?"
I know, it's just, uh
What?
It was also my first time.
Oh, my God.
So, I scarred you forever.
[chuckles] Not forever.
But it definitely really hurt
my confidence.
And that's why I left.
- I'm sorry.
- No, I get it.
I'm sorry, too.
Thank you.
Can you not tell anyone?
The guys don't even know.
Of course. It'll be our little secret.
♪♪
You know, it is, like,
a lot colder out here
than I thought it was gonna be,
so I'm gonna go back in.
Good luck at the diarrhea doctor tomorrow.
♪♪
Are you sure this is the right building?
Yeah.
No. W what am I doing?
You know what, take me back
to the Greenwich.
["Submersion" by The KVB playing]