Petticoat Junction (1963) s01e03 Episode Script
The President Who Came to Dinner
1
Come ride the little train ♪
That is rollin' down the tracks to the Junction ♪
Forget about your cares ♪
It is time to relax at the Junction ♪
Lots of curves, you bet ♪
And even more when you get ♪
To the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
And that's Uncle Joe, he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
At the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction! ♪
Billie! Billie!
Did you find her?
No. She's not upstairs.
She's not in the kitchen either.
Well, maybe Betty found her.
She's not outside.
Well, maybe she went into town.
Without telling us?
Oh, Mother wouldn't do that.
Oh, she's in the cellar.
Why didn't we think of it?
All right, who hid my Indian?
Uncle Joe, we're worried.
We can't find Mama.
Now you know how I feel
when you hide my Indian.
Uncle Joe, this is serious.
We've looked all over.
All right, all right. Stop chattering
like a nest full of baby blue jays.
Your ma went to town.
She left a note. What does it say?
Nothing. Just that she went to town.
But I'm worried.
Me, too. So am I.
What about?
Well, Mom didn't sleep a wink last night.
We heard her walking the floor all night long.
And she didn't eat a bite of breakfast.
I'll bet she's still worried about the train, Uncle Joe.
Afraid the railroad's going to scrap it.
Relax. I took care of that railroad man.
He wouldn't dare scrap the Hooterville Cannonball.
Has anyone heard the train this morning?
No, I haven't.
I haven't either.
Then Mother must still be at the track waiting.
Come on! Let's go!
Of all the mornings for the Cannonball
to be late!
Mother, no!
Don't do it!
Don't do what?
I was listening for the Cannonball.
It's two hours late.
Mother, do you think the railroad has scrapped it?
Of course not.
There's nothing to worry about.
Then why were you awake all night?
Well, I was reading.
Walking the floor?
If I read in bed, I fall asleep.
Mother, you're worried about the train.
Oh, I am not.
Well, you didn't eat a bite of breakfast.
Of course I did.
I had coffee and buttered train.
Toast.
Hey, hey, you sure started a ruckus this morning.
Lookit, Uncle Joe.
The Cannonball's still running.
Well, of course it's still running.
I saw to that.
Let's all go up and get some breakfast.
I'm going into Hooterville to see Sam Drucker.
What about? About the train.
He knows the law, and we should be ready
in case Mr. Bedloe makes more trouble.
I sure sent that Bedloe running back to the main office
with his tail between his legs.
He wouldn't dare tackle me again.
Yeah, but what if somebody higher up
in the railroad makes more trouble?
Well, bring 'em on. The bigger
they come, the harder they fall.
I still feel better talking to Sam.
Look, you stay here, and I'll go.
Fighting the railroad is a man's job.
Well, I kind of thought
you'd get some of those chores done today.
What chores?
Well, you've been promising
to chop some wood and clean out the chicken yard.
You hear that?
I'm fighting the C. & F.W. Railroad single-handed,
and she asks me to clean out a chicken yard.
Bedloe, you had a job to do, and you didn't do it.
But, Mr. Curtis
What did those rubes do to you back there?
You used to be the best hatchet man this railroad ever had.
Now look at you.
You couldn't chop your way
through a watercress sandwich.
But, Mr. Curtis
Don't just stand there. Start lying.
Yes, sir.
Well, Chief, I saved this line at least $150,000.
If we junk the Hooterville Cannonball,
those people are going to sue us for damages.
Let them sue!
Why do you think we're overpaying our lawyers?
Gentlemen, I tell you the
Hooterville Cannonball is through!
But it's such a quaint little train.
The C. & F.W. doesn't have room for quaint little trains.
Now, if we hook up the main line from Hooterville,
extend the branch from Pixley to our existing track,
we can cut 30 minutes from the schedule
of the Fenton City Flyer.
30 valuable minutes!
And that means money in the bank for the C. & F.W.
But, Chief,
you can't send the Flyer through that valley.
There are too many curves.
We'll straighten them.
And the trestle that connects with the branch line
is absolutely ruined.
The others are too narrow and old.
We'll build new ones out of concrete and steel.
But the right-of-way is full of hills.
We'll level them. And swamps?
We'll fill up the swamps with the hills.
Gentlemen, we'll send our diesels through there so fast,
those Hooterville hicks will think
they're living on a launching pad.
I will have a full report to you by the end of the week.
I am going into that valley incognito,
and make a personal survey.
But, Mr. Curtis Incognito, Mr. Bedloe.
You see, that's where you made your mistake.
You told them who you were, and they ganged up on you.
Miss Herman, I want you to have my helicopter.
And wrinkle me a suit.
Have them both on the roof in 20 minutes.
Yes, sir.
So, according to Sam Drucker, all we can do right now
is lay low and let the railroad make the next move.
Sam's a smart fella.
He says to expect trouble, though,
especially from the president.
Remember how mean Mr. Bedloe was?
Orneriest man I ever met.
Well, from what Sam's heard,
the president of this railroad
makes Mr. Bedloe look like a Sunday school teacher.
Floyd, look!
It's a he um, "helio-copter".
Yeah, what do you suppose
that whirly bug's doing around here?
Put me down outside Hooterville.
According to the map, I flew right over it,
but I didn't see a thing.
Well, we just passed the train,
so put me down in front of it
and I'll flag a ride. Roger.
Don't forget now, I'll be waiting at Hooterville,
ready to be picked up Friday noon.
Looks like a hobo.
Yeah, and he had the nerve to stop the train.
Go easy on him.
Listen, Kate, it's bad enough for a hobo
to hook a ride on the outside,
but he come inside.
Yeah, but the poor fella
looks like he's on his last leg,
so take it easy, huh?
Okay.
Hi there.
Hello.
My name is Kate Bradley.
I run the Shady Rest Hotel up the tracks a way,
and this is Mr. Smoot.
Hello, Smoot.
It's Mr. Smoot.
How far you figuring on going?
The end of the line.
How much do I owe you?
Well, my secretary must not
have put any money in these clothes.
I've got money.
Well, sure, you have.
Sure, you have.
I still want to know what the fare is.
You wouldn't know what to charge him,
would you, Floyd?
No, I wouldn't.
We never stopped where we picked you up before.
Hi.
What's up, Charley?
Oh, nothing.
Just come back to check on the hitchhiker.
Wait a minute.
You're the engineer, aren't you?
Yep, sure am.
Well, who's running this train?
My little girl. What?
Betty Jo, my youngest daughter.
Runs a train real good, too.
Come on, Floyd, we're almost to the trestle.
See you later, folks.
They let your daughter run this train, a child?
Well, she's been running it for years.
Has a real steady hand on the throttle.
Her braking could stand improvement.
What are we stopping here for?
Morgan Creek Trestle.
We always stop here this time of the year.
Why?
Come on, and I'll show you.
We're gonna be here a spell.
Well, I'm all baited up and ready to go.
Well, dump it in Fish ain't likely
to climb up here begging for it.
Quiet, both of you.
I think I got me a nibble.
Nope, the worm was just stretching.
Oh, no.
You mean to tell me you stopped this train
just to go fishing?
We ain't in no hurry.
Well, I am, let's get this iron rolling.
You sure give good orders for a hobo.
A hobo?
I am Norman P. Curtis, pres
uh, presently a hobo.
Well, if you don't intend staying one,
there's no shame in it.
Would you like to try my pole?
No, no, thanks, I'm not much of a fisherman.
Well, you never know till you try.
Go ahead.
Well, all right, but I'm
I'm not very good at it.
Ooh, I wouldn't say that.
I think you got something already.
Either that, or Betty Jo's using a mighty heavy worm.
By George, I have.
I've got a fish.
Look.
Aw. A fish.
Isn't that cute.
Yes.
I caught a fish.
I haven't had a meal like this in years.
The way you're gulping it down,
you won't need another one for years.
I thought those two freeloaders could put it away,
but you got them backed into a corner.
What do you mean, freeloaders?
We give value received.
All of you ride on our railroad for free.
Oh, they do?
Well, I'd like to hear more about that later.
Yes, Kate and the girls and Uncle Joe and
Here you are, Mr. Curtis, the piece de resistance.
Oh, Mrs. Bradley, I don't think I have room
for anything more.
Oh, you're just being modest.
The way you pack it in,
you could give stuffing lessons to a silo.
You have room, all right.
Regardez.
Poisson a la Curtis.
My fish.
Where?
Right there under that sprig of parsley.
Isn't that something?
What'd you call it?
Poisson. That's French for "fish."
I've seen heftier-looking guppies.
This one did lose a little in the translation.
Mrs. Bradley Ah-ah-ah, "Kate."
Oh, Kate, thank you.
I can't remember when I've tasted such delectable food.
I'm certainly going to miss it.
Well, why don't you stay for a few more days? Kate.
Tomorrow we're gonna have ribs.
Ribs. I really would like to stay,
but, no, I-I must get on to Pixley.
Mr. Curtis, we all get down on our luck sometimes,
so you don't have Kate.
To be bashful with us.
If it's a question of money,
we can work something out.
Kate.
You're very kind.
Maybe I will stay on for a while.
Kate, could I speak to you for a minute?
Well, sure, Uncle Joe. Excuse me.
Just holler when you want dessert.
We're gonna have gooseberry turnovers.
Gooseberry turnovers?
Oh, marvelous.
My own fish. Maybe I shouldn't have asked her to cook it.
Maybe I should have had it mounted.
Kate, why'd you have to invite him to stay?
Why not? He's a very nice man.
Have you seen him eat?
He's got more stomachs than a camel.
Poor man.
Poor us, you mean.
Why, he's et everything but the delphiniums
Betty Jo painted on the plate.
Uncle Joe, I got a feeling about Norman Curtis.
His coat may be frazzled
and he may be coming apart at the seams,
but underneath it all He's a tramp.
He's a gentleman, I can tell.
And you got no call to whittle on a man
just 'cause he's come on hard times.
Well, if he don't stop eating,
our hard times are gonna be asking his hard times
to move over.
It's our bounden duty to help him.
Anybody can tell he's seen better days.
Not better eatin' days.
Kate, you're a mighty poor judge of character.
Now that Norman is a freeloader if I've ever seen one.
He's not a freeloader.
I ain't seen the color of his money, have you?
Well, I
I'm gonna let him work out his keep.
He's gonna work?!
Sure, you've got a lot of chores
that haven't been tended to.
Norman can be your helper.
Helper.
Oh, well, that's different.
Maybe I better go see if that
poor fellow needs some more food.
♪
♪
♪
To the loveliest lady I've ever known.
Thank you, Mr. Curtis.
"Norman," please.
Tell me, Norman, is that a compliment
to my personality or to my cookin'?
Both.
You know, Kate, I think these have been
the happiest days of my whole life.
Maybe it's because you've been doing something.
You have been keeping me busy.
I haven't chopped wood in years.
But you need a steady job.
You're right. And when I leave here tomorrow,
I'm going to the main office of the C & F.W. Railroad
And ask them for a job.
Any kind of a job: Oilin', wipin', walkin' track.
Why, with your brain, you could work up in no time.
You really think so?
Oh, yes, Norman, you got it in you.
You set your mind to it,
and in five or ten years, you'll go right to the top.
I'll be so proud. I'll point at you and I'll say,
"That's my friend, Norman Curtis"
"Station master."
Well, let's not aim our sights too high.
Mr. Curtis, any special song you'd like to hear?
Yes, how 'bout "Apple on a Tree"?
I don't think we know that one.
Billie Jo, do we know "Apple on a Tree"?
No.
We don't know that one.
Oh, that's the finest song you ever heard.
Here, give me that thing.
Wish I was a woolly-boogy bee ♪
Wish I was a woolly-boogy bee ♪
If I was a woolly-boogy bee ♪
I'd make my home in that cherry tree ♪
I wish I was a woolly-boogy bee. ♪
Your president did not fire
blank cartridges in Hooterville.
I did not permit mawkish sentiment
to influence my decision.
Well, I'm sorry, Chief.
I must have been hypnotized.
Well, when do we go back to work up there?
On what?
Well, like you said, hook up the branch line
with the Fenton City Flyer.
What are you talking about, Bedloe?
We can't send that flyer through that valley.
There're too many curves.
But you said we'd straighten them.
The right-of-way is full of hills.
But you said we'd level 'em.
And swamps.
That's where you said you'd put the hills.
Well, there are too many swamps and not enough hills.
And furthermore, the main trestle is completely wrecked.
All the others are old and narrow.
They're good for nothing but fishing.
But you said we'd-we'd build new ones
out of concrete and steel.
What's the matter with you, Bedloe?
Are you trying to bankrupt this railroad?
Your entire idea of modernizing that branch
is unfeasible, ill-advised and unpatriotic.
My idea unpatriotic.
Gentleman, I am leaving immediately.
To try and straighten out the mess
created by our ambassador of goodwill Mr. Bedloe here.
I'll have a full report for you
by the middle of next week.
Or the week after.
Well, anyway, I will let you know.
Gentlemen, this meeting is adjourned.
Oh, Miss Hammond, dear, if you have a moment,
would you please get my helicopter
and my wrinkled suit?
I sure hope Mr. Curtis got that job.
What job?
At the railroad.
Before he left, said he was going to the main office
and see about it.
Kate, you're the worst judge of character I've ever seen.
Nutty Norman is a hobo born and bred.
Those kind of fellows don't want to work.
Sure worked hard here doing your chores.
Yeah, I tried to help him make something out of himself.
The man just don't take to work the way I do.
Thanks for the lift, fellows.
Oh, will I see you at lunch tomorrow?
You'll see us for supper tonight.
The way you eat, there won't be no tomorrow.
You know something?
You're the first man I ever seen
could get sparks out of a knife and fork.
Now, Uncle Joe, leave him be.
He feels bad enough not landing that job.
Yeah, it's ruined his appetite.
He's just as well off not getting in
with that C & F.W. outfit.
Yeah, I hear they're all a bunch of nuts.
If that's the case, Nutty Norman ought to be president.
Now that's enough.
I do hear they're awful hard-hearted,
especially the president.
They say he's a terror.
Did you get a good look at him when you was up there?
Yes, as a matter of fact, I did.
What does he look like?
Well, he's a pretty good-lookin' fellow
and rather nice when you get to know him.
You're as poor a judge of character as Kate.
That skunk's trying to scrap our railroad.
Oh, well, wait a minute.
It isn't altogether that skunk's fault
uh, the president's fault.
As a matter of fact, he wants to save your railroad.
He does?
Yes, he really does, Kate.
But you see, he's accountable to a board of directors.
And they are accountable to the stockholders,
and, well, you know stockholders.
Well, when the fiscal year terminates,
they want those net profit dividends
to be commensurate Norman, Norman,
when you try to talk business, you're pathetic.
Stick to eating. That's what you do best.
He don't sing bad.
Speaking of that,
let's, let's all go outside and do some singing.
We've got a surprise for you, Mr. Curtis.
Oh, really?
I wish I was a woolly-boogy bee ♪
I wish I was a woolly-boogy bee ♪
If I was a woolly-boogy bee ♪
I would make my home in that old cherry tree ♪
I wish I was a woolly-boogy bee. ♪
They're doing our song.
Yes.
This has been a Filmways presentation.
Come ride the little train ♪
That is rollin' down the tracks to the Junction ♪
Forget about your cares ♪
It is time to relax at the Junction ♪
Lots of curves, you bet ♪
And even more when you get ♪
To the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
And that's Uncle Joe, he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
At the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction! ♪
Billie! Billie!
Did you find her?
No. She's not upstairs.
She's not in the kitchen either.
Well, maybe Betty found her.
She's not outside.
Well, maybe she went into town.
Without telling us?
Oh, Mother wouldn't do that.
Oh, she's in the cellar.
Why didn't we think of it?
All right, who hid my Indian?
Uncle Joe, we're worried.
We can't find Mama.
Now you know how I feel
when you hide my Indian.
Uncle Joe, this is serious.
We've looked all over.
All right, all right. Stop chattering
like a nest full of baby blue jays.
Your ma went to town.
She left a note. What does it say?
Nothing. Just that she went to town.
But I'm worried.
Me, too. So am I.
What about?
Well, Mom didn't sleep a wink last night.
We heard her walking the floor all night long.
And she didn't eat a bite of breakfast.
I'll bet she's still worried about the train, Uncle Joe.
Afraid the railroad's going to scrap it.
Relax. I took care of that railroad man.
He wouldn't dare scrap the Hooterville Cannonball.
Has anyone heard the train this morning?
No, I haven't.
I haven't either.
Then Mother must still be at the track waiting.
Come on! Let's go!
Of all the mornings for the Cannonball
to be late!
Mother, no!
Don't do it!
Don't do what?
I was listening for the Cannonball.
It's two hours late.
Mother, do you think the railroad has scrapped it?
Of course not.
There's nothing to worry about.
Then why were you awake all night?
Well, I was reading.
Walking the floor?
If I read in bed, I fall asleep.
Mother, you're worried about the train.
Oh, I am not.
Well, you didn't eat a bite of breakfast.
Of course I did.
I had coffee and buttered train.
Toast.
Hey, hey, you sure started a ruckus this morning.
Lookit, Uncle Joe.
The Cannonball's still running.
Well, of course it's still running.
I saw to that.
Let's all go up and get some breakfast.
I'm going into Hooterville to see Sam Drucker.
What about? About the train.
He knows the law, and we should be ready
in case Mr. Bedloe makes more trouble.
I sure sent that Bedloe running back to the main office
with his tail between his legs.
He wouldn't dare tackle me again.
Yeah, but what if somebody higher up
in the railroad makes more trouble?
Well, bring 'em on. The bigger
they come, the harder they fall.
I still feel better talking to Sam.
Look, you stay here, and I'll go.
Fighting the railroad is a man's job.
Well, I kind of thought
you'd get some of those chores done today.
What chores?
Well, you've been promising
to chop some wood and clean out the chicken yard.
You hear that?
I'm fighting the C. & F.W. Railroad single-handed,
and she asks me to clean out a chicken yard.
Bedloe, you had a job to do, and you didn't do it.
But, Mr. Curtis
What did those rubes do to you back there?
You used to be the best hatchet man this railroad ever had.
Now look at you.
You couldn't chop your way
through a watercress sandwich.
But, Mr. Curtis
Don't just stand there. Start lying.
Yes, sir.
Well, Chief, I saved this line at least $150,000.
If we junk the Hooterville Cannonball,
those people are going to sue us for damages.
Let them sue!
Why do you think we're overpaying our lawyers?
Gentlemen, I tell you the
Hooterville Cannonball is through!
But it's such a quaint little train.
The C. & F.W. doesn't have room for quaint little trains.
Now, if we hook up the main line from Hooterville,
extend the branch from Pixley to our existing track,
we can cut 30 minutes from the schedule
of the Fenton City Flyer.
30 valuable minutes!
And that means money in the bank for the C. & F.W.
But, Chief,
you can't send the Flyer through that valley.
There are too many curves.
We'll straighten them.
And the trestle that connects with the branch line
is absolutely ruined.
The others are too narrow and old.
We'll build new ones out of concrete and steel.
But the right-of-way is full of hills.
We'll level them. And swamps?
We'll fill up the swamps with the hills.
Gentlemen, we'll send our diesels through there so fast,
those Hooterville hicks will think
they're living on a launching pad.
I will have a full report to you by the end of the week.
I am going into that valley incognito,
and make a personal survey.
But, Mr. Curtis Incognito, Mr. Bedloe.
You see, that's where you made your mistake.
You told them who you were, and they ganged up on you.
Miss Herman, I want you to have my helicopter.
And wrinkle me a suit.
Have them both on the roof in 20 minutes.
Yes, sir.
So, according to Sam Drucker, all we can do right now
is lay low and let the railroad make the next move.
Sam's a smart fella.
He says to expect trouble, though,
especially from the president.
Remember how mean Mr. Bedloe was?
Orneriest man I ever met.
Well, from what Sam's heard,
the president of this railroad
makes Mr. Bedloe look like a Sunday school teacher.
Floyd, look!
It's a he um, "helio-copter".
Yeah, what do you suppose
that whirly bug's doing around here?
Put me down outside Hooterville.
According to the map, I flew right over it,
but I didn't see a thing.
Well, we just passed the train,
so put me down in front of it
and I'll flag a ride. Roger.
Don't forget now, I'll be waiting at Hooterville,
ready to be picked up Friday noon.
Looks like a hobo.
Yeah, and he had the nerve to stop the train.
Go easy on him.
Listen, Kate, it's bad enough for a hobo
to hook a ride on the outside,
but he come inside.
Yeah, but the poor fella
looks like he's on his last leg,
so take it easy, huh?
Okay.
Hi there.
Hello.
My name is Kate Bradley.
I run the Shady Rest Hotel up the tracks a way,
and this is Mr. Smoot.
Hello, Smoot.
It's Mr. Smoot.
How far you figuring on going?
The end of the line.
How much do I owe you?
Well, my secretary must not
have put any money in these clothes.
I've got money.
Well, sure, you have.
Sure, you have.
I still want to know what the fare is.
You wouldn't know what to charge him,
would you, Floyd?
No, I wouldn't.
We never stopped where we picked you up before.
Hi.
What's up, Charley?
Oh, nothing.
Just come back to check on the hitchhiker.
Wait a minute.
You're the engineer, aren't you?
Yep, sure am.
Well, who's running this train?
My little girl. What?
Betty Jo, my youngest daughter.
Runs a train real good, too.
Come on, Floyd, we're almost to the trestle.
See you later, folks.
They let your daughter run this train, a child?
Well, she's been running it for years.
Has a real steady hand on the throttle.
Her braking could stand improvement.
What are we stopping here for?
Morgan Creek Trestle.
We always stop here this time of the year.
Why?
Come on, and I'll show you.
We're gonna be here a spell.
Well, I'm all baited up and ready to go.
Well, dump it in Fish ain't likely
to climb up here begging for it.
Quiet, both of you.
I think I got me a nibble.
Nope, the worm was just stretching.
Oh, no.
You mean to tell me you stopped this train
just to go fishing?
We ain't in no hurry.
Well, I am, let's get this iron rolling.
You sure give good orders for a hobo.
A hobo?
I am Norman P. Curtis, pres
uh, presently a hobo.
Well, if you don't intend staying one,
there's no shame in it.
Would you like to try my pole?
No, no, thanks, I'm not much of a fisherman.
Well, you never know till you try.
Go ahead.
Well, all right, but I'm
I'm not very good at it.
Ooh, I wouldn't say that.
I think you got something already.
Either that, or Betty Jo's using a mighty heavy worm.
By George, I have.
I've got a fish.
Look.
Aw. A fish.
Isn't that cute.
Yes.
I caught a fish.
I haven't had a meal like this in years.
The way you're gulping it down,
you won't need another one for years.
I thought those two freeloaders could put it away,
but you got them backed into a corner.
What do you mean, freeloaders?
We give value received.
All of you ride on our railroad for free.
Oh, they do?
Well, I'd like to hear more about that later.
Yes, Kate and the girls and Uncle Joe and
Here you are, Mr. Curtis, the piece de resistance.
Oh, Mrs. Bradley, I don't think I have room
for anything more.
Oh, you're just being modest.
The way you pack it in,
you could give stuffing lessons to a silo.
You have room, all right.
Regardez.
Poisson a la Curtis.
My fish.
Where?
Right there under that sprig of parsley.
Isn't that something?
What'd you call it?
Poisson. That's French for "fish."
I've seen heftier-looking guppies.
This one did lose a little in the translation.
Mrs. Bradley Ah-ah-ah, "Kate."
Oh, Kate, thank you.
I can't remember when I've tasted such delectable food.
I'm certainly going to miss it.
Well, why don't you stay for a few more days? Kate.
Tomorrow we're gonna have ribs.
Ribs. I really would like to stay,
but, no, I-I must get on to Pixley.
Mr. Curtis, we all get down on our luck sometimes,
so you don't have Kate.
To be bashful with us.
If it's a question of money,
we can work something out.
Kate.
You're very kind.
Maybe I will stay on for a while.
Kate, could I speak to you for a minute?
Well, sure, Uncle Joe. Excuse me.
Just holler when you want dessert.
We're gonna have gooseberry turnovers.
Gooseberry turnovers?
Oh, marvelous.
My own fish. Maybe I shouldn't have asked her to cook it.
Maybe I should have had it mounted.
Kate, why'd you have to invite him to stay?
Why not? He's a very nice man.
Have you seen him eat?
He's got more stomachs than a camel.
Poor man.
Poor us, you mean.
Why, he's et everything but the delphiniums
Betty Jo painted on the plate.
Uncle Joe, I got a feeling about Norman Curtis.
His coat may be frazzled
and he may be coming apart at the seams,
but underneath it all He's a tramp.
He's a gentleman, I can tell.
And you got no call to whittle on a man
just 'cause he's come on hard times.
Well, if he don't stop eating,
our hard times are gonna be asking his hard times
to move over.
It's our bounden duty to help him.
Anybody can tell he's seen better days.
Not better eatin' days.
Kate, you're a mighty poor judge of character.
Now that Norman is a freeloader if I've ever seen one.
He's not a freeloader.
I ain't seen the color of his money, have you?
Well, I
I'm gonna let him work out his keep.
He's gonna work?!
Sure, you've got a lot of chores
that haven't been tended to.
Norman can be your helper.
Helper.
Oh, well, that's different.
Maybe I better go see if that
poor fellow needs some more food.
♪
♪
♪
To the loveliest lady I've ever known.
Thank you, Mr. Curtis.
"Norman," please.
Tell me, Norman, is that a compliment
to my personality or to my cookin'?
Both.
You know, Kate, I think these have been
the happiest days of my whole life.
Maybe it's because you've been doing something.
You have been keeping me busy.
I haven't chopped wood in years.
But you need a steady job.
You're right. And when I leave here tomorrow,
I'm going to the main office of the C & F.W. Railroad
And ask them for a job.
Any kind of a job: Oilin', wipin', walkin' track.
Why, with your brain, you could work up in no time.
You really think so?
Oh, yes, Norman, you got it in you.
You set your mind to it,
and in five or ten years, you'll go right to the top.
I'll be so proud. I'll point at you and I'll say,
"That's my friend, Norman Curtis"
"Station master."
Well, let's not aim our sights too high.
Mr. Curtis, any special song you'd like to hear?
Yes, how 'bout "Apple on a Tree"?
I don't think we know that one.
Billie Jo, do we know "Apple on a Tree"?
No.
We don't know that one.
Oh, that's the finest song you ever heard.
Here, give me that thing.
Wish I was a woolly-boogy bee ♪
Wish I was a woolly-boogy bee ♪
If I was a woolly-boogy bee ♪
I'd make my home in that cherry tree ♪
I wish I was a woolly-boogy bee. ♪
Your president did not fire
blank cartridges in Hooterville.
I did not permit mawkish sentiment
to influence my decision.
Well, I'm sorry, Chief.
I must have been hypnotized.
Well, when do we go back to work up there?
On what?
Well, like you said, hook up the branch line
with the Fenton City Flyer.
What are you talking about, Bedloe?
We can't send that flyer through that valley.
There're too many curves.
But you said we'd straighten them.
The right-of-way is full of hills.
But you said we'd level 'em.
And swamps.
That's where you said you'd put the hills.
Well, there are too many swamps and not enough hills.
And furthermore, the main trestle is completely wrecked.
All the others are old and narrow.
They're good for nothing but fishing.
But you said we'd-we'd build new ones
out of concrete and steel.
What's the matter with you, Bedloe?
Are you trying to bankrupt this railroad?
Your entire idea of modernizing that branch
is unfeasible, ill-advised and unpatriotic.
My idea unpatriotic.
Gentleman, I am leaving immediately.
To try and straighten out the mess
created by our ambassador of goodwill Mr. Bedloe here.
I'll have a full report for you
by the middle of next week.
Or the week after.
Well, anyway, I will let you know.
Gentlemen, this meeting is adjourned.
Oh, Miss Hammond, dear, if you have a moment,
would you please get my helicopter
and my wrinkled suit?
I sure hope Mr. Curtis got that job.
What job?
At the railroad.
Before he left, said he was going to the main office
and see about it.
Kate, you're the worst judge of character I've ever seen.
Nutty Norman is a hobo born and bred.
Those kind of fellows don't want to work.
Sure worked hard here doing your chores.
Yeah, I tried to help him make something out of himself.
The man just don't take to work the way I do.
Thanks for the lift, fellows.
Oh, will I see you at lunch tomorrow?
You'll see us for supper tonight.
The way you eat, there won't be no tomorrow.
You know something?
You're the first man I ever seen
could get sparks out of a knife and fork.
Now, Uncle Joe, leave him be.
He feels bad enough not landing that job.
Yeah, it's ruined his appetite.
He's just as well off not getting in
with that C & F.W. outfit.
Yeah, I hear they're all a bunch of nuts.
If that's the case, Nutty Norman ought to be president.
Now that's enough.
I do hear they're awful hard-hearted,
especially the president.
They say he's a terror.
Did you get a good look at him when you was up there?
Yes, as a matter of fact, I did.
What does he look like?
Well, he's a pretty good-lookin' fellow
and rather nice when you get to know him.
You're as poor a judge of character as Kate.
That skunk's trying to scrap our railroad.
Oh, well, wait a minute.
It isn't altogether that skunk's fault
uh, the president's fault.
As a matter of fact, he wants to save your railroad.
He does?
Yes, he really does, Kate.
But you see, he's accountable to a board of directors.
And they are accountable to the stockholders,
and, well, you know stockholders.
Well, when the fiscal year terminates,
they want those net profit dividends
to be commensurate Norman, Norman,
when you try to talk business, you're pathetic.
Stick to eating. That's what you do best.
He don't sing bad.
Speaking of that,
let's, let's all go outside and do some singing.
We've got a surprise for you, Mr. Curtis.
Oh, really?
I wish I was a woolly-boogy bee ♪
I wish I was a woolly-boogy bee ♪
If I was a woolly-boogy bee ♪
I would make my home in that old cherry tree ♪
I wish I was a woolly-boogy bee. ♪
They're doing our song.
Yes.
This has been a Filmways presentation.