Riot Women (2025) s01e03 Episode Script

1
I'm off!
-Everything all right?
-Yeah.
Just
contemplating stuff.
You seemed flat when
we got back last night.
It all went so well!
Don't be offended if I make
myself scarce on Sunday, will you?
You're a free agent, Kitty.
I just don't want you to
feel you have to go out.
It's just, erm
I've got so much shit
to deal with right now
and it just seems a bit pathetic
that all I'm doing about it
is singing some old '70s
pop song with a bunch of
very nice, well
you anyway, people.
People who I've never
even met before.
Well, you're going down to talk to Jess
this morning, aren't you, about work?
And then you'll have
some money, at least.
And we're not just singing
some old '70s pop song, are we?
I don't know if you
can understand this,
but you know I told you
I've been low recently.
Well, all this
the possibility of
all this, it's just
given me something
to really think about.
I'm probably not somebody you
should put too much faith in.
Well, some of the most talented people
aren't always the most reliable.
Yeah, but you don't know me.
You know, oddly
I feel as if I do.
I need to find
somewhere else to live.
OK.
OK.
-Are you sure you're all right?
-Yeah.
Just
shit swirling.
Well, go down and see Jess. Do
you know where the bus stop is?
I'll find it.
-Look after yourself.
-Sure.
Let's start a riot
We won't be quiet
Riot women going to
set this world on fire. ♪
I could drink
A case of you, darling
And I would
Still be on my feet
I'd still be on my
Feet. ♪
Where are my things?!
LAUGHTER
Where's that sledgehammer?!
-Did you hear me?! I said I'm calling
-Oh, you call the fuckers! It's 999!
-Christ, she's more angry than you when you're on your period!
-Oh, my God, she's off her tits!
Do you think they might be
interested in your little habit?!
-Look at that!
-Jesus!
You won't be getting much
trade around here, love!
This is at the owner's house.
It's in his driveway, Stead Lane,
Warley, 4.40, Tuesday afternoon.
A Mr Gavin Peachey.
And he happens to be at home with his wife
and it's him that's taken this footage.
He says he doesn't know this woman
from Adam. His wife doesn't know her.
He thinks it's a case
of mistaken identity
and that this is some sort of
vendetta aimed at someone else.
So, does anyone recognise her?
Shrimp, isn't that your missus off her
tits and making an arse of herself?!
-Ah, come on.
-She looks like a woman scorned to me.
How come he stops filming her
when she asks about his habit?
-Who knows?
-Maybe he knows her better than he's letting on.
We'll get her side of the pantomime
when we cop her, won't we?
Well done, detective.
So we need an appeal on social media
along with all the other wanteds,
see if anybody can
help identify her.
-Mr Rudenko, perhaps you could do that for me?
-Jesus Christ!
Doesn't she fit the description of that
woman in the supermarket other day?
-Red hair, leopard print coat.
-Nisha, that was you and Holly.
No. She was a different
build. Younger.
Right, that's everything, ladies
and gentlemen, off you pop.
-Hi, Selina. Is he in?
-Holly, go through. He's expecting you. - Thanks.
All right, guv'nor?!
Holly, hello.
I just popped in before I hang up
my bits and pieces to let you know
that misogyny is alive and well
in your division right now,
as we speak, alive and kicking.
Just like in the '90s. Yay!
-Do you want some tea?
-Tea?
No. I just want to know
what you're going to do
about the insidious toxic male culture
that flourishes under your aegis.
How's retirement?
So, two days ago,
downstairs, here -
one colleague comes up behind
another colleague sat at his desk
and grabbed hold of
his dick - seriously -
and went, "Ding-ding!"
Seriously. He's sitting at his
desk, doing the call backs.
Next thing he knows
this other fella's
fumbling around
for his cock and
"Ding-ding."
-Are you winding me up?
-No.
Has he put in a complaint?
What? And get a reputation for
being a wuss, for not taking a joke?
Course not. He doesn't want
his colleagues not turning up
in an emergency, does he?
Which we all know happens.
To those who snitch.
Well, how did he react?
Well, he didn't.
First off, he's on the phone
being polite to a victim of crime
and then, in the moment, he was
like, "Did that just happen?"
I mean, out there on the
street, some nutter tries
a stunt like that, you're
going to deck 'em, aren't you?
You're going to rip their spleen
out for 'em, but in the office?
-You don't expect it.
-Good God.
It's repugnant. Who'd do that?
-What's his name?
-Alec Rudenko.
Rudenko. Right, OK.
Well, I'm afraid to say I
think I'd have lamped him one
-had it have been me.
-Yeah.
Only he's a big fella.
It did cross this colleague's
mind to lamp him one.
But he'd have denied it. Obviously.
His word against the other fella's.
And then the other fella would
a been the one in bother.
No evidence of any
"Ding-ding" on the one hand,
but plenty of evidence of a
fractured jaw on the other.
So all these things
went through his mind
and, in the heat of the
moment, yeah, he just
froze.
Well, we can't have that.
So
Sorry, I thought you said
misogyny? So, is this fella
what, gay or?
I did! You're right.
I did say misogyny.
Damn, I'm sorry.
I misremembered.
It wasn't this bloke's dick
he grabbed, that's right,
it was this woman's tits. Yeah.
"Beep-beep." Not "Ding-ding."
Oh! OK.
Yeah? Not so shocked after all?
Only a woman. Par
for the course.
You can brush it
off now, can you?
Sweep it under the carpet?
She needs to put in a complaint.
Yeah. She won't. For the
same reason outlined earlier.
Right, well, Holly,
the truth is
You don't need to
cross his name out,
it did happen and it
was Rudenko that did it.
If I challenged every
officer that had
a complaint of inappropriate
conduct level led against them,
I wouldn't have anyone left
out there doing the job.
I wonder why you
reacted so differently
when you thought it was a
fella that'd been assaulted.
Don't you find that
curious yourself?
-How's the boys?
-How dare anyone touch a man like that?
In such an intimate place.
So demeaning, so
embarrassing, so humiliating.
So fucking weird.
But when a man does
it to a woman, "meh."
Cos, well, it's natural.
Good looking woman - who wouldn't
want to squeeze her tits?
I might have a
crack at it myself.
Carl says that you've taken
up playing bass guitar.
He did it to humiliate her.
He did it because he's
bigger than she is
and because he knows she can do fuck
all about it without repercussions
and he thinks that's funny.
He thinks it's funny to make
people feel small and silly
and helpless and a bit grubby.
Because he's a deeply
unpleasant human being who takes
pleasure from it. And
there shouldn't be room
for people like
that in the service.
-How's Nancy?
-Oh, Mum? Yes.
So, this same officer,
Alec Rudenko -
and I really would urge
you not to cross it out -
he nicked 40 quid
out of her purse.
Your ex mother-in-law, he
nicked 40 quid out of her purse.
How? When?
You don't need to worry about that,
I'm going to deal with that myself.
You just need to worry
about this other thing.
Which was just as
humiliating and chilling
and compromising and disgusting
for the officer involved as if she'd
been a man having his wire pulled.
I do hear what
you're saying, Holly.
I know there are problems.
And I know, despite efforts,
it doesn't always look like
things are getting any better.
Tony, they're getting worse.
I can't believe we still
have these conversations,
but the truth is
it's getting worse.
Do you want the official
response or the truth?
SHE CHUCKLES DRILY - Guess.
Well, it's nothing
you don't know.
We are dangerously understaffed.
It's deplorable, it's
miserable, but the truth is
it's a tough job and
sometimes it's a dirty job.
And not unlike the church, it does
have the unfortunate propensity,
now and again, to be fatally
attractive to the wrong sort.
And with fewer resources vetting
the people coming into the job,
yes, it's a problem that's been
getting worse and not better.
Now, I'm one of the good guys
and I really do do what
I can when I can, Holly.
But it frightens ME who we put
out there on the streets sometimes
so I personally cannot
wait to hang my lanyard up
and for this to be
someone else's problem.
I'll ask someone to have a word
with this fella. All right?
No, he wants sacking.
How is the online dating going?
Have you met any more weirdos?
They're not all weirdos!
No more weird than that
feckless non-entity
you decided to start shagging.
Holly!
Bloody hell!
Could you not stay away?
Was retirement so shit?
-How's your mum?
-Hiya.
Rudy. My favourite human being.
Oh, am I?
Yeah, she's fine, thanks.
She'd like that
money back, though.
What money?
That money you swiped
out of her purse.
HE CHUCKLES QUIETLY
I didn't swipe any money
out of anybody's purse.
I went down the railway
station this morning
and me and my mate,
Hazan, the station master,
had a quick shunt backwards
through yesterday's CCTV in that
funny little room at the back.
From the car park,
not the platform,
we all know that's
bust and, yeah
There you are.
Helping yourself.
CCTV in t'car park is bust.
It's all bust.
-It has been for decades.
-Yeah.
-They fixed it. Last Monday.
-No, they didn't.
You're bang to rights, Rudy.
You're there in black and white
with your pants round your
ankles and your hand in the till.
Now, I tell you what. You
give it back to me right now,
and the matter will end. OK?
And it'll never get
mentioned again.
On the other hand,
if you're going to
play silly bastards,
I'll be off upstairs and I'll push
the thing just as far as it'll go.
And I've got nothing
to lose now, have I?
Cos I'm out of here.
I didn't nick it - I'm giving
you this to shut you up.
-All of it!
-That was all of it!
Oh, as if I'd do
anything like that.
As if.
Rudy? I lied.
That CCTV is still bust.
But I know you.
Don't think I don't.
And the problem is,
I don't know if I'm
even eligible any more.
To enter the contest.
Now the little ones
aren't even living here.
Yeah, but you're still their
grandmother, aren't you, though?
So they probably want all the
entries they can get. So
Oh, no, it's been
really popular.
Loads of people have signed
up, they don't need us.
Do you want to see me P45?
Yeah, I can do.
You see, this is the thing.
They put information on the notice
board in the foyer at school.
And if I'm not popping in every day
I've no way of seeing it, have I?
I mean, you know, they might
change the date, or or
-Or cancel it. I've got no way of knowing.
-No. Yeah.
I shouldn't let it bother me.
I should just carry on
regardless like everyone else.
Not give a monkey's.
No-one else does.
Did you not know
she was gay, then?
She's not gay. She's no
more gay than you and me.
Do you think you
might be in denial?
That's out of date, love.
Have you worked
behind a bar before?
So, I was in Barcelona for five
years in my, like, mid-20s.
I worked in a
couple of bars then.
Five years?
Hablas Espanol?
Si. Un poco.
So who was your last
employer over here?
So I worked in this nail bar
in Cleckheaton for a bit, but
it winked up and I don't
know where the woman went.
I had a phone number for her,
but last time I tried ringing it
it didn't work and I always
thought she was a bit dodgy.
I did wonder if it was a money
laundering outfit for her boyfriend.
I mean, I say boyfriend,
I'm never sure what he was.
-Right, and before that?
-The thing is, I've not actually
been working because
I didn't need to.
Because Gavin took care of
everything, and I thought
that's how it was going
to be so, you know
-Right, what about a character reference?
-Erm
Trying to think.
Does Beth know you've
been in prison?
Holly told me.
Twice, apparently.
That was a long time ago.
-Do you want me to leave?
-No.
I promised Beth I'd give
you a trial run, and I will.
Now, I've had ex-cons in here
before and I'm all for giving people
a fair chance, but I'm
not a soft touch, OK?
Does she know? Beth?
No.
I will tell her
if you want me to.
I'm going to leave
that with you, love.
Right, let's get
your tax code sorted.
-Can you work this weekend?
-I can do Saturday, tomorrow.
But this Sunday
I've just got this
thing at lunchtime.
But normally I can do Sundays.
All right, £12.50
an hour, plus tips.
How does that sound?
Good.
Have you been scrapping?
How's things?
Yeah. Good.
-So, what are you after?
-QUIETLY: 2oz.
OK. Well, I haven't got that
much on me, it's in t'car.
Where are you going to sell it?
-Does it matter?
-No.
Just, er, be careful.
What, police?
No, you silly bitch.
Other dealers.
You don't fancy giving me
a lift back over t'tops
towards Ripponden, do you?
Yeah, can do.
You look nice.
Shut up! Move your
fucking chair!
I hope you've got
enough lolly on you.
You still owe me, you bastard.
LOUD UK RAP PLAYS
YOU CAN DROP ME OFF HERE!
-WHAT?!
-DROP ME OFF
MUSIC STOPS
-Just drop me here.
-What, here? -Yeah.
TYRES SQUEAL
-We's in the middle of fuck butt nowhere, man.
-It's fine.
-No, I can't leave you here.
-Listen, Spongebob -
there's something else
you can do for me.
What?
I want to know where my dad is.
I cannot get involved
with your dad.
I'm not asking you
to get involved.
Just ask around and see if anyone
knows how I can get hold of him.
Yeah, but, I mean,
I don't know who.
-But, yeah, I can put out a few feelers.
-Thanks.
Kitty? You're going to get mugged
and raped and murdered up here.
Who by?
-By whom?
-I'm nervous for you.
-Bless.
-On your head.
Mind how you go.
ENGINE REVS
TYRES SCREECH
MUSIC: Dissolved Girl
by Massive Attack
Shame, such a shame
I think I kind of
lost myself again ♪
HOLLY: - You could
probably write a song
about most kids,
though, couldn't you?
BETH: - I could about Tom.
Well, I think you
must be a saint
for adopting someone
else's unwanted child.
NISHA: You don't know
if he was unwanted.
Sometimes people
just can't cope.
I think his mum
was very young.
You know, tragically too young.
Say, say my name
I need a little
love to ease the pain
Need a little love
to ease the pain
It's easy to
remember, when it came
Cos it feels like I've
been, I've been here before
You're not my saviour,
but I still don't go
Feels like something
that I've done before ♪
SHE SCREAMS
KNOCK ON WINDOW
Oh, has it been raining?
Is Beth in?
No. She's at work.
And you are?
I'm standing here telling
you that she's at work.
I'm Margaret. And Michael.
We live at Lower
Crofting, just down here.
We're neighbours.
And we just saw you
limping down Beth's drive,
and we were just concerned.
Oh, I fell over coming
over that stile up there.
You know, the one coming down
from those massive rocks
-Oh, yes! -..In the middle of nowhere.
-I know the one. It needs mending.
It's my own fault for going
out dressed like a twat, but
I have spoken to
the farmer about it.
-And does Beth know you're here?
-Where?
Here. In her house.
No.
No.
I've broken in so I can
steal all her old copies
of the Times Literary Supplement
she leaves piled up everywhere.
MARGARET CHUCKLES
-So you're saying you're a friend of hers?
-Is that a problem?
You smell of alcohol.
Shall I tell you
what you smell of?
Does Beth know you're here?
Because I'm not sure that she does.
Ring her.
How do you know Beth?
We're in the same rock band.
Beth isn't in a rock band.
-Is she?
-Shit, what the fuck?
"Beth isn't in a
rock band." Says who?
-I haven't heard anything about Beth being in a rock band.
-Oh, OK!
Well, she mustn't be in a rock band
if YOU don't know anything about it.
Yeah? Cos nothing exists
unless you know about it.
Is that right?
Oh, my God!
Are you God?
Who knew that God wore a cagoule
and stupid little glasses?
Is there somebody else
in there besides you?
You tell me, pal, with
your all-seeing eye.
-Is she really in a rock band?
-Yeah.
I think we should
call the police.
I don't think they can arrest
people for being in a rock band,
I think you might be on
a sticky wicket there.
-Why don't you try Beth again first?
-She'll be teaching.
What time is it?
She finishes at three.
You try her then.
Would you like a cup of tea,
lady? While you're waiting?
I can put the kettle
on. It's no trouble.
You'll have to stand out here in't
drizzle cos I find you offensive.
No, no, I'm fine. Honestly.
Seriously, you're all wet, love.
This misfit can dissolve.
No, honestly, I'm fine.
We just You know, we just look
out for each other round here
because it's very remote.
I tell you what
if you're so bigly bothered
about Beth's interests,
and you're such a massive
great know-it-all,
then you would know that
she's been very low lately.
Well, did you know that?
-Has she?
-Sorry, love. I'm talking to this fella now.
Yeah, she's been
Well, how well do you know her?
We've been neighbours
for 20 years.
And I do know since
Martin left she's been
on her own.
And then Tom.
What about Tom?
Oh, well. You know.
He's always been a bit of a
handful one way or another.
-Have you met him?
-No.
He's coming for his
dinner on Sunday,
I'm going to meet him, then.
Oh! Well, that's nice.
That he's coming
over. Nice for Beth.
I'm sorry to hear
she's been feeling
So how is he a handful?
Well, when he was younger
I mean, he's a charming lad in
many ways, don't misunderstand me,
but, you know
a few incidents.
But I think he's
very different now.
And of course he's he's
married now to, erm
Oh, what's she called? His wife?
Er
Oh, Fearne
Fearne. That's right.
Yeah. And what was your name?
I'll text Beth, tell her to ring
you as soon as she can. All right?
Yeah, why don't you do that?
Ta-ta, then.
Oh, yes, bye.
Bye. Bye-bye.
It's Kitty, by the way.
Kitty! Bye-bye.
Yeah, and don't you forget it.
INTRUIGING ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
KITTY: Yeah, but
you don't know me.
You know, oddly
I feel as if I do.
MUSIC INTENSIFIES
clueless without me
What are you writing?
A song. Well, bits for a song.
Ingredients for
a song. You know?
Slapping it all down there,
throwing it in the trolley.
Is it an angry song?
You look angry.
It's about Chloe.
About all the heartache and misery
and one damned thing after another,
right from when she was six.
Five.
Four! And now this.
-Yeah, I never had her down for a
-Fucking Inez.
You couldn't make it up. Inez!
I think that bitch was sent
to the planet for one thing
and one thing only
- to torment me
Have you been drinking?
Yeah, I've had a bit.
That's the short route to chaos.
Don't fucking lecture me, Jerry.
I'm really not in the mood for it.
No, I'm just saying. It's a Friday
night, you're going to be busy,
someone might kick off, you
need be able to handle it.
I don't need advice from the fella
who delivers the beer, all right?
Have you got a plastic glass?
Sure.
There you go.
-See you next week.
-Bye.
Where's he off?
No idea.
-Come on, look lively.
-Yeah, erm, thing is, erm
I got this text earlier off
Chloe asking me and Auntie Mary
if we'd like to go round to her
and Inez's for tea on Sunday.
Well, no, you don't, tell her.
Unless you do want to, in which
case you knock yourself out.
I don't want to. I just
Don't you think for
the babies' sake,
it'd be good to
have some contact?
She made a choice,
and she knew what the consequences
would be when she made it,
which is why she was so bloody
secretive about it all. Right?
So, have you replied?
No! I wouldn't go
without talking to you.
-I was just
-What?
It was a long time ago,
what happened with Inez.
And it wasn't
You know it weren't her fault.
What? Wasn't her fault?!
Telling the whole of Hebden Bridge
that your dad was having it off
behind my back with
anyone and everyone!
Humiliating me in front
of all and fucking sundry!
I think you'll find
it was her fault.
Yeah, but for your own
sake can't you just?
Just let it go! I bet you've got
just as many punters in here tonight
as she's got in over
there! More, probably.
Whose side are you on?!
-Fuck this!
-What are you doing? Where are you going?
I'm going to play my drums!
-OH, MY GOD!
-Oh, my God!
MELISSA SCREAMS
It's fine, you're fine.
This is nothing. Wait
till you're fully dilated.
-What?!
-The thing is, is babies heads are big.
Bigger than the average vagina.
Bigger than 79% of women's
vaginas. It's a design flaw.
No, but that's
SHE CRIES OU
No-one told me
it'd be like this!!
Yes, but if we told
everybody everything,
no-one would get
pregnant, would they?
Then where would we be?
Better off, probably,
as the world boils and drowns.
MELISSA EXHALES HEAVILY
Come and have a look down
the business end, Daddy,
-before the fun really starts.
-I'm good, thanks.
Oh, my God! Fucking hell.
-Jesus Christ!
-That's it!
Keep breathing.
Oh, and you've got a
little haemorrhoid popped
-out down there as well.
-Wh? A what?
It's very common.
Haemorrhoids, childbirth,
they go hand-in-hand.
You mean, I've got
piles? Like his dad?!
I'll pop it back up
there for you later.
I can give you that little
injection. For the misery.
-Would you like that?
-Yes. Yes. Yes.
OK.
Oh, my God.
I'm going to be ripped asunder.
I'm going to be split in two.
Jesus. I'm being
ransacked and laid waste.
This is crazy, why
can't we lay eggs?
I mean, I bet that's painful
enough, but this is medieval.
Why've they not worked out
something else before now?
Can you imagine the legions of
women doing this in times of yore
without pain control?
Can you imagine doing
this in the Blitz?
Bombs exploding all around you,
buildings crashing to the
ground and you're doing this?!
How have we got onto the Blitz?!
It's the gas and
air, they get giddy.
-Breathe.
-You fucking breathe!
What are you writing? I thought
you were getting me an injection.
I am, just got to go and sign it
out of the cupboard. Two ticks.
You're in charge.
Will you get out of
my peripheral vision?!
Does it does it really not
bother you that I'm, like,
324 years older than you?
It's just a number.
Look, I wouldn't have come and
met you three times, would I,
if it bothered me!
-Yeah, but
-It's like
your vibe
it's not like a
woman in her 50s.
And, anyway, I
I like people
with experience.
RINGTONE: THE FLIGHT OF
THE VALKYRIES BY WAGNER
Oh
My fucking sister. Let
me get it. Hang on.
How may I help you?
What rhymes with haemorrhoids?
Oh. Erm
Lemon woids.
What's lemon woids?
Well, "woids" is "words"
in a New York accent.
And lemon is bitter?
Bitter woids?
Like an argument? "Bidder
woids." "Lemon woids."
Bit rappy? What else? Er, why?
I'm writing a song.
About all the garbage women trot
out when they're popping one out.
I've got a particularly
noisy one in at the moment,
-and it's gold dust.
-Well, have you got a title or a
A refrain or a?
Shitting Pineapples.
Oh, we're liking that.
-Never been bettered.
-Yeah, that's landing.
Oh, erm, droids. Androids.
Opioids - Opioids.
Lemon woids,
haemorrhoids, opioids
MELISSA SCREAMS
Thanks, see ya. Bye.
Bye-bye, bye-bye.
-She's writing a poem.
-Right.
So
Want another drink? Or?
Or.
I think or.
But it'll have to
be at your place.
Come on!
DOOR OPENS, SHUTS
Kitty?
WHISPERS: - Kitty.
Beth, I'm sorry I was
grumpy this morning.
SIGHS: - Well, I think you're
allowed to be a bit grumpy.
You've had things to deal with.
-So, did you go and see Jess?
-Yeah. Yeah, I did.
-Did you have a phone call at all this aft?
-About?
Oh, it's just these people in
cagoules knocking on the door.
-Oh!
-Oh, did they phone you?
So, there's this assumption
from the middle classes
that I've broken in and
that I'm up to no good.
And then the patriarchy
starts having a go -
"Beth isn't in a rock band!"
And I was like, "Oh, my God!"
I had to stop myself
garrotting him.
Why do men do that?
Why do they always know better,
so categorically fucking better,
even when they just don't? So,
I may have said things in reply
in the heat of the moment. So,
I hope I haven't, you know,
buggered things up
with the neighbours.
So how did you get on with Jess?
Oh, she's giving me
a three-month trial,
see how I get on,
starting tomorrow.
How do you feel about that?
Oh, I started to try and
write some shit about Gavin,
hoping it would turn
itself into a song.
But when I reread it, it's
just a load of swear words.
This is good stuff. I like it!
-Oh, surely you can do something exciting with this.
-Maybe.
Oh, and I were thinking about
you bleeding so heavily.
Would you like me to make you
an appointment at my surgery,
get it dealt with?
-Do you want me to make the appointment?
-Maybe.
"Fuck you, Mum".
SHE LAUGHS
-What's this?
-Hmm?
"The one that got away."
"The BOY that got away."
It's just another one.
Are you hungry? I can't
be bothered to cook.
-Shall we eat out?
-Sure.
Can I just have a
shower and get changed?
'Course. Help yourself.
Wow!
Thank you.
-Tell me about Tom.
-Tom?
Margaret said he was a handful.
Oh, really?
Yeah, well, I mean,
when he was a teenager,
there were a few incidents.
-Like what?
-Oh, nothing that unusual.
Nothing that a lot of teenage
boys don't get up to -
smoking, drinking, hanging
out with the wrong sort,
drugs and, erm, well
There was an incident
with a stolen car.
Police were involved.
Thankfully, it was a
bit of a wake-up call.
He was cautioned. Nothing
went on his permanent record -
thank goodness - and after
that, bar one or two blips,
he got his head down.
He got his A-Levels,
he got into university.
I just think he did
it out of boredom.
It was just
the worry at the time, that he
had the instinct to do those things.
How do you feel about him
trying to find his birth mother?
Do you know, you're the
first person to ask me that.
You not going to eat something?
Do you know why he wants
to find her? Like
-Why now?
-Not really.
So how do you feel about it?
I worry that
I worry about what he wants
and what he expects and how
it's going to affect him
if his mum isn't
what he expects.
I mean, he used to have
a terrible temper on him
and he can still
be a bit that way.
Now, I always thought that
that was something to do
with him being adopted.
And I suppose, from
my own point of view,
if he did suddenly have
another mum, as well as me,
well, I could feel even
more redundant in his life
than I do already -
if I was being small-minded,
which I can be.
Are you all right?
Kitty?
I'm going to tell
you something
you're not going to believe.
I'm not going to tell you,
cos you won't believe me.
I-I didn't believe it myself.
I'm just going to show you this.
It came about a
month ago, and I
I didn't reply for a
whole load of reasons.
I didn't not reply, as such, I just
never found the right time to reply.
And then last night, when you
said about Tom being adopted
and Kam asked about his
birthday, I mean, it's
It's the same date.
It's exactly the same date
and the right
age, the same sex -
two days old, same hospital
you picked him up from.
I mean, it's not definite.
There could have been other babies
that day that went up for adoption.
But I doubt it, not
from the same hospital.
But the thing is
he looks like me.
And I did think about just
disappearing todayand
not saying anything, but
you've been so kind to
me, I couldn't not tell you.
And then I thought, "Well, maybe
it's fate that we met like we did,"
and
What are you thinking, Beth?
Look, I didn't invent this.
I'm just telling it to you.
How old were you?
12
when I got pregnant.
And 13 when I had
him if it is.
What happened?
SOBS: I can't.
I don't I can't.
-I can't
-Did someone hurt you?
SHE SNIFFLES
SHE PANTS
SHE SHUDDERS
"The boy that got away."
Is that him?
Tom?
Yeah.
Of all the gin joints in all
the towns in the world
I wonder what made
me walk into yours.
I don't know.
You don't just look like him.
You've got some
of his mannerisms.
Like what?
Just the way you smile.
Your eyes.
The way your whole face
lights up when you smile.
That's him.
Oh. There There
was something else.
What?
So
there was a
letter on the piano.
And it wasn't sealed, and
I shouldn't have I
I don't know why I did, I
was probably just bored.
But I I
I read it.
-A letter to Tom.
-A letter written by you to Tom.
And I I'm so glad you have
moved that rope on't landing.
I don't know where you've
put it, but you shouldn't
You shouldn't think about doing
something like that, Beth,
because you are
too good for that.
I shouldn't have read the
letter. I'm sorry. I am sorry.
I honestly don't know why I did.
Are you all right?
Yes, I I think so
I think so, yes.
Are we all right?
Yes.
Are we?
SHE SIGHS
You weren't really going to
hurt yourself, were you?
I was standing there
ready to go.
And Jess phoned and said, "Do
you want to be in a rock band?"
So
Maybe you should go
and see a doctor too?
Oh!
Oh, Kitty.
I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry.
-Wow!
-Yeah.
Woo!
THEY LAUGH
-I'm just going to nip to the bathroom.
-Sure.
SHE PANTS
So
Do you want to
lick my arse?
-Do I, what?
-Lick my arse.
I'm really sorry, but it's
GROANS: - It's not my thing.
-Isn't it?
-Yeah. Sorry. I-I'm sorry.
I-I Er, I thought
we were doing,
you know, straight, straight,
straight, straight
-Wait, have I embarrassed you? No!
-No.
I have, haven't I? Oh, no,
now I'm embarrassed as well.
Oh, don't be! Honestly,
it's fine. I'll, I'll
-see myself out.
-Right.
You, you You've
got a very nice
bottom, but But
it's just not my thing.
So thank you for the
Bye. Sor Thanks. Sorry.
See you around -
no, probably not.
But
HE SCOFFS
Could I just ask why you thought
I would be into?
W-Was it something
I exuded, or?
Er No, I just thought It
was It was one of your texts.
You just kind of implied
that, you know, you
You were into that, so
-No.
-No? OK.
Well, that is, er, very
good to know. So
-B-bye.
-Bye.
Oh, my God.
Fucking hell! Who puts
gravel on a fucking hill?
You can lick my gravelly arse!
MUSIC: Nothing Matters
by The Last Dinner Party
I have my sentence now At
last, I know just how you felt
I dig my fingers in, expecting
more than just the skin
Cos we're a lot alike In
favour, like a motorbike
A sailor and a nightingale
Dancing in convertibles
And you can hold
me like he held her
And I will fuck you
like nothing matters
And you can hold me ♪
Do you want to get off
on your break, love,
-after you've served this fella?
-Yeah, can do. Thanks.
Evening.
-Can I, er?
-Yeah.
Do you want to go and make
yourself a cup of tea, love?
Go on, go for it.
I think an apology
mightn't go amiss.
Me apologise? Well, if
that's what you think,
me and you have reached
the end of the road.
Hi, love. What you having,
sweetheart? The usual?
Good on yer.
Here we go.
Right Pint for yer?
A sailor and a
nightingale ♪
WHISTLING
Dancing in convertibles
And you can hold
me like he held her
And I will fuck you
like nothing matters
And you can hold me
like he held her ♪
VOICEMAIL: - Hey! This is
Tom. Please leave a message.
Like nothing matters
Even when the cold
comes crashing through
I'm putting all my bets on you
I hope they never
understand us ♪
What I'm thinking is, you
don't have to tell him now.
We You could tell him after,
later, after he's gone, after today.
-Or
-I can't believe he didn't phone me back.
Well, except I can,
because he never does -
because if it's me, it's
not important by definition.
Did you hear what
I said, though?
Why don't we play it by ear?
CAR DOOR CLOSES
-Shit!
-Oh, fuck!
-I'll just slip out the other door.
-Don't.
-I'm frightened!
-Don't be.
-Hello!
-Hello!
Hello! Aww! How are you?!
-I haven't seen you for ages!
-No, well
-You smell nice. What is that?
-Oh, it's
-So sorry we're late.
-Yeah, we couldn't get out the door. - Oh, Tom!
Yeah, my mum rang,
then his dad rang,
then next door came round
about the fence - again!
Oh, and we have to
be back by 4.30.
My friend's coming round to measure
me up. She's getting married.
"Don't do it!"
SHE LAUGHS
Maid of honour. Nightmare.
What was Dad ringing you about?
Er, we might be going
on holiday with him
and this new woman
he's started seeing.
-What is she called?
-Bonnie. -Bonnie, yeah.
Where's she come from?
What does she do?
Where's he found her?
-Er Don't know, I didn't ask.
-Er Bumble?
But, yeah, he's asked her on
this holiday that we only agreed
to go on cos we thought
he was going to be lonely!
-So
-Bonnie?
Isn't that like a dog's name?
This is Kitty.
I've invited her to stay
and have lunch with us.
-Hi!
-Hi.
Hello.
How do you two know each other?
Did you not get my message?
-No.
-I left a voice message.
-Did you?
-Several, and two texts
-Oh!
-..asking you to phone me back, saying it was important.
Oh, sorry.
Are you seriously telling me
you don't look at your texts
and your messages?
-He's useless.
-But you answer the phone when your dad rings?
Well, we were in when he rang.
-We weren't in last night.
-Oh.
We were out.
Hmm!
You can tell me now
if it's so important.
Yeah. I'm going to.
-Do you want to sit down?
-Sure.
Right, so, help yourselves.
SHE CLEARS THROA
So, Kitty is
Oh Sorry!
I spoke to Uncle Nick last week.
He wanted me to talk to you
about Granny's care home.
I'm not going to talk to you
about Granny's care home!
-Yeah, but he just wanted me to
-Yeah, I know what he wants.
He's trying to get you on
side to keep pushing it.
Well, he's gone even further down
in my estimation than before,
if such a thing was possible.
So, no.
I have been through this
with him, several times,
and we really don't
need to talk about it.
You're paying for things
that she doesn't need.
-I'm not.
-Apparently, there's a bar and a library and a swimming pool
and a bowling green,
so to me, they are
It's a retirement village,
catering for people of all different
stages in their declining years.
Now, she doesn't need a bar and
a library and a swimming pool
and a bowling green, but she
does need 24-hour dementia care!
The point is, she could get
the same level of specific care
-that she needs elsewhere
-Yeah, like most things,
you pay for what you get!
And this is her money,
money that she's been so
careful with all her life.
So I'm not going to dump
her in the cheapest place
I can possibly find, so that he
can line his pockets when she dies!
End of!
OK.
That isn't what
I'm saying. But
I'm not cross with you, but
I'm going to phone him later
and tell him what a
rancid pile of shit he is!
Fair enough.
So, are you going to tell us what
this "important thing" is, then?
Yes, I am.
So, erm
Kitty, Kitty and I, we
We've got some news for you.
And it's come as much of a
surprise to us as to anyone.
Erm, and it's important you know
that we've talked about it -
a lot - and that we're both actually
very comfortable with it,
and with each other,
weirdly. In fact
And it's important,
Tom, that you understand
that we met by a complete
fluke, honestly
Beth, Beth, Beth, Beth!
We've always thought
you were a bit gay.
Well, that's very sweet, Fearne.
But I'm not gay.
-Kitty
-I'm your birth mother.
And the sky was all violet
I wanna get more
violent, more violent
And I'm the one with no soul
One above and one below
Might last a day, yeah
Mine is forever ♪