Star Trek: Starfleet Academy (2026) s01e03 Episode Script
Vitus Reflux
1
♪
♪
♪
[snoring]
DAREM:
Cadet Darem Reymi,
personal message,
stardate 868858.7.
Dear Mother and Father,
in the three weeks
since the Academy began,
I'm confident I'm maintaining
the standard of excellence
we agreed upon.
[chimes]
As I promised:
last to bed, first to rise.
♪
[music playing over earbuds]
[snoring]
♪
[music continues over earbuds]
Whoa!
Wait. You already?
- [music stops]
- Wh-What time do you?
For speed and agility days
or for power days?
- Either.
- 4:40 a.m.
for speed and agility,
3:30 a.m. for power.
Anyway, I got to go
hit the track for sprints.
See you around, sleepyhead.
DAREM: I strive to be first
in each endeavor.
Every day brings a new
opportunity to prove myself.
WOMAN [over P.A.]:
Starfleet Academy,
report for cardio and sprints.
War College, you have
weights and flexibility.
DOT:
Move it, War College, move it.
Watch your posture, Cadet Sadal.
Back straight, Cadet Djokovic.
Keep those glutes in the air.
Buns of steel, cadets.
LURA: Starfleet maggots, I want to see
that you want to be here.
Do you want to be here?
Let's go!
Show me you're worthy
of this uniform.
Get moving.
What are you waiting for?
Let's go!
You call that a lunge?
Lower, Cadet, lower.
Down! To the mat, Cadet.
To the mat.
What is this?
Is this a tea party?
Get up! You're all weak
right now. Weak!
DOT: War College
versus Starfleet Academy.
Who will win?
The counts are even.
It's Cadet Mir in the lead.
Cadet Mir for the win!
♪
That was
disappointing/underwhelming.
DZOLO:
Dude, what was that?
You're the best
in the War College,
and he smoked you.
Embarrassing.
[blows whistle]
Next station, Romeo.
Every warrior knows
that you live each day
with an eye towards death,
as she walks free and upright
amongst the living.
But if by chance
you survive until tomorrow,
we'll be having tryouts
for the Calica team.
- Sign up here.
- Ow.
Darem Reymi.
Captain of the Khionian
All-Planet Under-18 team.
Four years running.
There is no need to state it.
It scanned you.
Genesis Lythe.
Captain of the
Inter-Base Youth League.
Five years and change.
And top of her class.
And student ambassador
to the Model Fed Council.
Mm.
When do you sleep?
Admiral's daughter.
We don't need sleep.
What happens if you do?
You get court-martialed?
[laughs]
- I'll never know.
- Not easy
being an admiral's daughter, hmm?
Takes daddy issues to a whole
new level, for sure.
Also makes losing
out of the question.
Mm. Too bad there can only be
one captain of
of anything.
- Sorry.
- Guess you'll have to learn
- to live with disappointment.
- Mm-hmm.
- GENESIS: Good luck.
- OCAM: You want me to injure her?
- I'll cut the ponytail off.
- DAREM: Do it.
You did not grow up
playing Calica either.
CALEB:
I know.
I haven't played anything.
Not a team guy. I'm more of a
"rely on myself
and don't get killed" guy.
Hey, hey, hey. Uh, what's?
He says he's allergic
to organized sports.
- To which part?
- The sports.
And the fact
that they're organized.
Mm. Oh, that's funny.
[cadets oohing]
[laughter]
B'AVI:
Academy cadets.
Do you find it
challenging to run
while also debating
the ethical ramifications
of hurting the floor?
Do you find it challenging
to be a War College douchebag?
- Not your best.
- Dude. I just got smacked in the head.
You're gonna take up
half our space,
get ready to be target practice.
SAM:
Oh!
I see we don't like each other.
Don't talk.
I smell
[sniffing]
fear.
You know, properly channeled,
those feelings of inadequacy
can lead to
well, in your case,
just more inadequacy.
- Better.
- Love the uniforms, guys.
May be the only thing
about the War College
that stays relevant.
All right.
This has been fun,
but I don't think
you guys can afford to take
any more time away
from whatever it is you're,
um, compensating for.
Starfleet Academy is an experiment.
Like all experiments,
it must prove its value.
The War College has nothing to prove.
CALEB: Then why'd you go
out of your way
to hit me in the head with a ball?
You an angry toddler?
Yeah.
Maybe our very large Klingon friend
will smack the eyebrows off
your freaking face.
[clears throat]:
Mm-mm.
[whistle blows]
No blood will be shed on my court
without my express permission.
Back to your classes! Now!
[showers running]
Ah, Darem! That scar.
It looks painful.
How'd you get it?
You ever fought someone
with a knife between your ribs?
I don't have ribs.
You know, I used to know a guy
like that War College bicep
back on Khionia?
Oh, please, God, no
My parents didn't think
we were a good match.
Your parents tell you who to date?
Nah. Well, I mean,
the relationship was doomed
after I slept with his sister.
Both of them, actually.
And their cousin.
I would love
to just have one shower
without having to hear
about Darem's multiple
- polycule underwater hookups.
- [gasps]
[gasps]
What the?
We indeed violate the fundamental laws
of temporal mechanics to achieve
[all gasping]
Oh, boy. Okay.
Whoa. That's a lot.
Whoa!
[exclaims]
[all gasping]
[grunting]
[screaming, gasping]
[laughter]
GENESIS:
Get me out of here.
- Ooh.
- [grunting]
Attention, Starfleet cadets.
We did this because we could.
And we will keep doing it
because it is fun.
Enjoy yourselves.
[laughs]
This is war.
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
DIGITAL DEAN OF STUDENTS:
Do you aspire to be the best
and brightest in the galaxy?
Exceed your physical,
mental and spiritual limits?
Be the captain of your own destiny
at Starfleet Academy.
Applicants of all species are welcome.
Is the voice-over too stupid?
We are about to have
a prank war on our hands
just as the
oversight committee arrives.
This is a PR dumpster fire.
Commander, in our line of work,
something is on fire all the time
and everything is on fire
some of the time.
- [jazzy music plays]
- LURA: Be that as it may,
as a War College graduate,
I can promise you,
they shenanned once,
they'll shenann again.
Well done, Number One. Advise.
I thought you would never ask,
Chancellor.
This is your only possible response.
Demand a formal apology from Kelrec,
and he nips it in the bud.
Or kills it in the cradle,
if you prefer.
I'm good with the plant metaphor.
It's not our job to resolve
our students' problems for them.
We're in the "teach them
how to fish" business.
Also [scoffs] that's no fun.
There are those that see us as
an experiment waiting to fail.
You've said it yourself.
Your tacit approval
hands them ammunition
in front of the committee.
I'm beginning to get the feeling
you don't trust me.
Quite the opposite.
I trust that you'll come
to the right decision.
Before it's too late.
So you don't trust me.
Lura, this is kid shit!
Forgive my language.
I'm pro kid shit.
They grew up in the Burn.
I'm not going to crush
the life out of them
any more than the universe
already has.
Captain. Chancellor.
I choose to work for you
and not Kelrec
for three reasons:
I believe in Starfleet's
mission of peace,
and despite what you may think,
I believe in you.
What's the third thing?
I just find him very odd.
And that whole tea fetish.
Tea fetish?
Out of all the fetishes available?
Want to give it one last pitch
before I disregard your counsel?
You know that a single
transgression is like a weed:
yank it now, or it multiplies
and strangles the entire field.
What's with you
and the plant metaphors?
I hear you, Commander.
I do.
Perhaps it would be beneficial
if our cadets did, too.
Well, that
that's a cool idea.
Chancellor,
we were basically naked.
No. Completely naked!
Everybody was looking at us
like we were insane.
- Like we're crazy.
- In front of the whole school.
What about our honor?
I took a bath for the first time.
You want us to get back
at them with botany?
- Seriously?
- I don't know, guys.
Do you think botany
can end a prank war?
- Or did you have other ideas?
- Yeah. Hit 'em back harder.
Bring some serious pain.
Wait till exams
and then fritz their servers.
- [overlapping chatter]
- Like I was saying
DOT:
Captain.
We are gonna plant
and grow the rare
and highly protected
Vitus Reflux.
Despite being known
as "the empathy flower,"
it's not actually a flower.
It's a fungus.
♪
Speak your mind, Cadet.
Don't hold back.
- Chancellor, respectfully
- Mm-hmm?
this is the single dumbest idea
I've ever heard.
How is this strategic?
PLANT [high-pitched voice]:
How is this strategic? How is this strategic?
- How is this strategic?
- Got a deeper voice than you, Darem.
Ever read The Art of War, Reymi?
- PLANT: Art of War, Reymi?
- Fifth century BC.
Sun Tzu learned patience in a garden
and respect for the opponent.
They got you pretty bad.
- PLANT: They got you pretty bad.
- If I may, Chancellor,
it was not an original idea.
The War College stole that prank.
Cadet Sam ran a search
through old Starfleet
disciplinary records.
In the 28th century,
some cadets transported
the entire first-year class
from the sonic showers
to the roof of Alcatraz.
JAY-DEN: It took the faculty half a day
to get everyone down.
- [laughter]
- GENESIS: No way.
Ah, that's legendary.
Then you've already learned
your opponents' lack of imagination.
Grab a trowel.
- PLANT: Grab a trowel.
- [mutters]: Oh, my God.
And anybody who rolls
their eyes gets expelled.
PLANT:
Gets expelled.
Spritz the spores,
add the growth accelerant.
Vitus only blooms at night,
so be patient.
Plants are like cadets.
All they need is water, food
and a little encouragement.
Go, go, go.
PLANT:
Go, go, go.
DIGITAL DEAN OF STUDENTS:
Specialist Krebs,
your Talaxian Furfly
is attempting to mate with a beaker.
Please intervene.
- Doing great, buddy. I love you.
- GENESIS: Okay.
We all ready for Calica tryouts?
No, I will not pursue violence
in any form.
I have chosen the Exo-Ecology Club
in that same time slot.
I know. I respect that.
But
I swiped your delta
while you were showering
and I maybe signed you up.
[forced laugh]
[quietly]:
What the hell, Genesis?
- What? It's just a
- No, no, no.
I'm not signing up for some
culty school spirit war, okay?
I don't do spirit.
- Or tribes. Or teams.
- I want to be captain.
I need to be captain.
And when I am, I need
my strongest players.
You fought the Venari Ral.
Look around. Look at them.
[frantic sneezing]
OCAM:
Sorry! It's on your shoe.
[grunting]
[sighs]
- We need you.
- [scoffs]
Please?
How's your, um,
your Betazoid princess?
President's daughter.
And she's not anybody's.
Well, I guess your tour
was so compelling,
she went and ran away
to the War College, hmm?
Shitty comment retracted.
But I get the vibe she likes sports.
Okay, I'll do it if you stop talking.
Thank you.
LURA:
Strategy. Skill. Teamwork.
Calica is more than just a game.
I want you to right your minds
and prepare your hearts for battle.
There are two teams,
each with a mascot.
The mascot protects a target.
The goal of the game is simple.
Fight your way
to the other side of the field
and shoot a target guarded
by the opposing team's mascot.
Tryouts today will not be easy.
You'll be scored
in a series of drills.
Highest score makes the team.
I want you to strike
with the force
of a thousand tachyons!
Strike until your opponents'
innards liquefy and pour
And you'll do it all
while wearing
really snazzy uniforms.
Uh-huh.
You all know Coach Reno.
Professor, I thought you taught
Temporal Mechanics?
I'm a nerd/jock hybrid.
LURA:
Each team is made up
of eight players,
a mascot and an alternate.
The mascot is
the last line of defense.
- They protect the target.
- What kind of mascot?
What are we working with?
What we're working with is
a hundred push-ups.
Now! And the next interruption, 200.
Using the mascot
in the game is a tradition.
Way back, Starfleet's was a lapling--
fuzzy, mean like a koala,
cute like a targ.
They called him
Lappy. They called him Lappy.
So it's basically
like a fun game of laser tag?
Yeah, just like laser tag.
- [weapons firing]
- Ah!
This is not like laser tag!
What is happening?!
LURA: I warned you,
tryouts would not be easy.
Calica prepares you
for real-world combat.
Which is why I will not have
a losing Calica team
at this academy.
Today's obstacle course
is designed to show me
what each of you is made of.
Every move you make
will gain or lose you
one individual point.
Any cadet who rings
the bell of victory
at the end
of the obstacle course
[neck cracks]
wins a bonus point.
The top eight cadets
will make the team.
The rest of you
will live in shame.
Begin!
[screaming]
Release the drones!
[indistinct yelling]
There's drones, everyone,
there's drones!
Hey! You forgot about us!
[clangs]
DIGITAL DEAN OF STUDENTS:
Bonus point-- Lythe.
[clangs]
Bonus point-- Reymi.
- [clangs]
- Bonus point-- Lythe.
[clangs]
- Bonus point-- Reymi.
- Whoo!
[pants, groans]
[clangs]
Bonus point-- Reymi.
A little feedback?
You're trying too hard.
It's slowing you down.
[chuckles]
[powering up]
The Calica game phaser.
It will not win the game for you.
GENESIS:
Look who finally showed up.
But it can keep you from losing.
Better late than never.
I'm showering
with my delta from now on.
The phaser has only one setting.
Whoa.
[Caleb groaning]
Transport.
- CALEB: Son of a bitch.
- If you are hit,
you will be beamed out of play
and into the casualty box
for the entirety of that round.
You'll be able
to rejoin your team
in the next one.
Do not be late again.
Ooh.
Lone wolf came to play.
I thought you hated sports.
I do. I hate them.
LURA:
Yes, Mir, yes!
- [grunting]
- No, Mir, no!
[buzzer sounds]
DIGITAL DEAN OF STUDENTS:
Mir-- disqualification.
[whistle blows]
SAM:
Genesis, where are the drones?!
GENESIS: I can't see them
through the smoke!
[cadet muttering weakly]
[screaming]
[grunts]
Come on. She's porous!
RENO:
Yeah, the best of us are.
And it's permeable, not porous.
Get your Ps straight.
LURA:
Five minutes left, cadets.
If you want to make the team,
impress me now.
Pathetic.
A little feedback?
You're not trying hard enough.
It's making you stupid.
- JAY-DEN: I want blood.
- CALEB: There's no blood.
- I want blood in it.
- You need blood in food
- Absolutely.
- for you to consider it food?
- To tear it to pieces.
- That doesn't sound healthy, dude.
That's the only way
it should be.
Rokeg blood pie, bregit lung
with grapok blood sauce,
heart of targ with blood sauce.
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, can you distract them for me
- for a sec?
- With what?
I don't know.
Use your biting humor.
Nothing about me is funny.
- [Caleb laughs]
- JAY-DEN: Caleb.
CALEB:
That's funny.
JAY-DEN:
Caleb.
- [indistinct chatter continues]
- [sighs]
Greetings, War College brethren.
Hey. You.
H-Hello, my name is Jay-Den.
- Jay-Den.
- Mm-hmm. It means
"He who crosses oceans of fire."
So, yeah.
I'm Kyle.
Hmm.
It means Kyle.
Mm-hmm.
- Okay, great.
- Uh, as we were discussing
Klingon humor,
I discovered two Klingon jokes.
Waiter, what is this gagh
doing in my aO'mat Gri?
Screaming.
Ah, uh,
- because the gagh-- it's dying.
- DZOLO: Come on.
Well, hold on.
What, uh
what was the second one?
DZOLO:
Please, no.
CALEB: Excuse me, miss,
don't I know you?
TARIMA:
Nope.
Yeah, I do. Mm-hmm.
Tarima, right?
Caleb Mir, tour guide?
Turns out, you forgot
to fill out a comment card.
Shoot. I must've left it
in my other pants.
I can't remember
how many stars I gave you.
Five. Definitely five.
Out of five?
Doesn't sound like me.
I get why you enrolled
in the wrong school,
but you could've just
come to the Academy
- and avoided me there.
- Believe it or not,
I didn't choose the War College
'cause of you.
- Uh-huh?
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Blink twice
if this is a hostage situation.
- Alternate theory.
- Oh, yeah?
Your whole life on Betazed
was rules and walls,
and now that you can go anywhere
and be anything
you freaked out
and you chose the War College
'cause it's safer.
Glib, reductive and stupid.
- Love to be analyzed like this.
- Hey, I get it.
Too much freedom at the Academy, right?
Too many ancient
Bajoran scripture classes,
interspecies ethics courses,
and yoga clubs.
So you decided to join
the asshole factory instead.
[scoffs]
Oh, and we're done.
Look, I didn't mean you're an asshole.
I'm the asshole, okay?
Look, I'm sorry, but
Anything before the word "but"
is bullshit.
No, no, no,
you didn't even tell me.
After everything
that we've been through?
[scoffs]:
Everything?
[laughs]
Yeah.
I don't know.
I kind of thought we had some
energy between us.
Was I completely wrong?
[neuro-inhibitor beeping]
[exhales]
Are you okay?
Did I do that?
[neuro-inhibitor whirs]
Caleb, we're strangers.
Oh, okay.
- We are strangers.
- Mm-hmm.
- We're strangers, yeah.
- You feel a certain way about me,
and you think
I feel that way, too,
except I just haven't realized it yet.
And you think
if you keep barking at me,
I'll eventually get there.
You need all the school you can get.
If you are here,
then, congratulations.
Your scores yesterday
were slightly less terrible
than everyone else's.
Hmm.
RENO:
Or your score
was just plain terrible, but
you fit the Lapling costume.
[chuckles]
Congrats, Lappy.
Welcome to the Calica team.
- Sweet. It's an honor.
- [Sam laughing]
Yeah.
- Oh
- RENO: And we didn't forget
team captain.
Lythe, Reymi, you guys tied.
Commander Thok wanted you
to settle it
by digging each other's graves,
uh, with the loser
getting their eyes plucked out
by a baby Gorn.
Unfortunately, we weren't able
to get that cleared
by the Alumni Association.
LURA:
Side-by-side shoot-out.
The winner is your captain.
Computer, activate simulation.
DIGITAL DEAN OF STUDENTS:
Simulation is activated.
[cadets cheering]
Target one-- tie.
Target two-- tie.
Target three-- tie.
Target four-- tie.
Target five-- tie.
- Target six-- tie.
- Six to six.
Boy, you two just love a tie.
First one to eight takes it.
- Target seven-- tie.
- Good focus.
Making those daddy issues work for you?
What did you say, you piece of shit?
Target eight-- Reymi.
Target nine-- Reymi.
Darem Reymi is
your new Calica captain.
[cheering and whooping]
- [chanting]: Darem! Darem!
- Not Darem.
- Darem! Darem!
- Not Darem Reymi.
- Darem! Darem!
- Who's the new Calica captain?
- Darem!
- Let's hear it. Come on, let's hear it,
let's hear it,
let's hear it one more time.
[chanting]:
Darem! Darem!
- Let's hear it! Let's hear it!
- [chanting continues]
CALEB:
What's that supposed to be?
I believe
it is a captain's chair.
And I believe he is hoisted
by his whooping posse of dudes.
This guy's insufferable.
- DAREM: Come on, let's hear it.
- Darem! Darem! Darem!
DAREM:
Yeah, a little bit more, come on.
- Darem! Darem!
- [fanfare playing on-screen]
NARRATOR:
Do you aspire
to be the best
and brightest in the galaxy?
[cadets screaming]
[distorted bellowing]
RENO:
Good God.
[indistinct yelling]
[screaming]
- Guys!
- Come on, follow us.
- Where am I?
- Hey!
Hey!
[screams]
NARRATOR:
Exceed your physical
MALE:
I don't want to bleed!
NARRATOR:
mental, and spiritual limits.
[female screams]
Be the captain
of your own destiny
- [screams]
- at Starfleet Academy.
LURA:
Where did they find these people?
[laughing]
CALEB:
Calm down.
[tuts]
- DAREM: That's funny?
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, you're laughing? Yeah?
- DZOLO: Oh, yeah, at you.
- Calm down. Calm down.
DAREM:
Do you want something to laugh at?
Tonight, our atrium
- after curfew.
- Calm down.
Calica.
Right. Plan for a short night.
DZOLO:
Aye aye, Captain.
Bye.
[grunts mockingly]
COMPUTER: Retinal biometrics
and trace DNA confirmed.
Welcome, Commander Kelrec.
Your security's pretty serious.
Well, we tried funny security,
but no one felt safe.
Tea?
Computer, resume leisure protocol.
[classical music playing]
It's critical
to use the proper tools.
Fresh, dried leaves.
Water
heated to 86.4 degrees Celsius.
If one step is handled carelessly,
the result is
[sighs]
a weak cup.
- Cheers.
- You don't "cheers."
Oh, if you must stir,
uh, place the spoon at 12 o'clock,
then softly fold the liquid
back and forth
12 times to six o'clock. 12
to six.
Your kids accessed our security
to get that footage,
which was only possible
- with an instructor's help.
- Is that an accusation?
A fact.
I analyzed all the metadata.
You aided and abetted
the humiliation of my cadets.
We learn more from our failures
than our successes.
And someone has
to teach your cadets that life
and war will come at them
from all sides.
Some of them came here
in cargo holds.
They don't need a reminder
that life isn't fair.
Apparently, they do.
Put yourself
in their shoes for a sec.
The "E" word.
[puzzled grunt]
Empathy.
These kids have no reason
to believe in anybody.
I-I want them to believe in me,
and I need them to believe in you.
Yeah, surprise.
I got no problem
with kids being kids,
but your putting your thumb
on the scale
defeats both our purposes.
Our cadets need to know
that our campus is
a level playing field.
I'd call you naive,
but you've got 300 years on me.
[inhales sharply]
This is only gonna get worse.
Do you really want
to risk shenanigans
when the oversight committee
gets here?
I'm giving you a chance to end it.
Chancellor,
my cadets and I will continue
to outflank, outmaneuver
and outplay yours.
And then you can decide
how that "E" word
is working out for you.
Oh, yeah?
Well
my 12 to six
is your six to 12.
So think about that.
[door whooshes open]
- What?
- [door whooshes shut]
Based on the measurable
difference in our capabilities,
- we have a 2.7% chance of winning.
- DAREM: See, see?
Exactly. See? This is our chance
to prove ourselves.
No, no, no, this is your chance
to prove yourselves.
- Okay?
- I was about to say, lucky we have you,
my right-handed, rule-breaking
I'm not your anything.
Apparently, that's
- Premature? Mm-hmm.
- Premature.
And why did you have to say
it was our atrium?
I can't afford
any more service hours
if I want to get out
of Starfleet this century.
You were so ready to throw down
when we first met.
Are you really gonna let
these idiots get away with this?
Now, who's with me?
Am I really the only one
that believes
they need their asses handed
to them? Hmm?
I'm with you!
Every calculation says
that they'll keep terrorizing us
if we don't rally.
- Caleb?
- You're an idiot.
That's a yes.
Genesis?
You know what kind of captain
sends his team
into a slaughter?
One who got there by playing dirty.
Hey, I win at all costs.
I said that out loud.
What'd you expect?
I expected you to not use
my family shit against me.
Good luck Captain.
FEMALE:
all-nighter for Xenolinguistics.
I'll make coffee.
We'll be fine.
DOT: Attention, cadets,
please exit immediately.
- Really?
- The atrium is closed for cleaning.
Ugh, this sucks.
DAREM:
Since we don't have access
to an actual Calica field,
this will have to do.
We've divided the atrium in half--
your side and ours.
Mascots on the risers.
- Caleb, you ready?
- Yup.
This'll fool the insomniac
and nocturnal cadets,
but once the sun's up,
so goeth the jig.
Okay, first to four points.
Deal. And it's open season
on the mascots
if they leave the target zone.
B'AVI:
Targets will materialize
when any player gets within
five feet of the target zone.
Your bleachers have been
designated the casualty box.
A Calica computer
will monitor our gameplay.
- Less talking, more humiliation.
- Granted.
Maybe be careful what you wish for.
DAREM:
Okay.
You all focus on defense.
- Protect
- OCAM: I'm late.
That's what it looks like.
- [laughs]
- I'm a lapling.
Oh, yeah.
Man, I have seen tougher Tardigrades.
- Oh, my head.
- Okay, okay, the offensive plan
- is me.
- GENESIS: Just you?
And what happens
when that plan goes to shit?
[scoffs]
Couldn't stay away, huh?
Yeah, teamwork makes
the dream work. Mm.
Anyway, as I was saying,
the offensive plan is just me.
They'll be expecting
a full-on offensive assault.
Let's surprise them.
Have faith in your captain.
- You ready?
- No.
Bring it in. Come on.
DIGITAL DEAN OF STUDENTS:
Players, take your positions.
Mascots to the target zones.
Bring it, Mugato.
Why don't you blow my horn, Lapling?
Whip it out, bro, whip it out.
Game one begins in five,
four, three,
two, one.
- Commence play.
- [buzzer sounds]
Stay back and give me cover fire
and don't let them
anywhere near Ocam.
Ready? Now!
- [grunts]
- SAM: What? Uh
Go, cover Ocam.
Okay, okay.
Let's go.
- Cover us.
- Yep.
OCAM:
Guys, guys, guys,
over there, really tall,
handsome dude on the move.
Genesis.
Genesis!
Kill him. Take him out!
Take-- Come on,
what is wrong with you?!
Behind you,
behind you, behind you.
Hey, Princess.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Somebody help! Somebody help!
[chime sounds]
- First point to the War College.
- Whoo!
- Game two begins now.
- [buzzer sounds]
- A-Again, Darem?
- [phasers firing]
DAREM:
Yeah, Caleb, shoot and move!
Go, go, go, go!
Shoot them all!
Hunt them all!
OCAM:
Caleb, Caleb, Caleb, Caleb!
That's what I'm talking about, Caleb.
- [phaser fires]
- [chime sounds]
CALEB:
Seriously?
DIGITAL DEAN OF STUDENTS:
War College leads
two games to zero.
Game three begins now.
OCAM:
Shoot them, Sam, shoot them.
[grunting]
Caleb, over there, on your six
[grunts]
Guys, are we even trying?
- [chime sounds]
- OCAM: No, guys, why?
DIGITAL DEAN OF STUDENTS:
3-0, War College.
- Well played.
- Match point.
Time-out.
One-minute time-out
called by Starfleet Academy.
SAM:
What's our next play?
Uh, I don't know.
Hey. What are you doing?
GENESIS:
What are you doing?
- Huh?
- Pull a strategy out of your ass or stand down.
Sorry. Are you the captain?
Are you? No, didn't think so.
Come on. Come on! Come on!
- Resume play.
- [buzzer sounds]
[grunting]
- I like this game.
- [buzzer sounds]
Foul. Prohibited strike.
Cadet Reymi
will sit out the point.
- You okay?
- Mm-hmm.
If we can't outmuscle them,
- we outsmart 'em.
- Offense. Hey!
Get physical, get after them!
[grunts]
GENESIS:
Okay, we need a real plan.
SAM:
What are you thinking?
[Genesis sighs]
DAREM:
Genesis, come on!
What are you doing?
I told you what to do!
- Come on!
- No. I have a different strategy.
Just wait for my signal, okay?
Sam, I'm gonna need you
to do something for us.
SAM:
Okay.
Players, resume positions.
Play will continue in three, two,
- one.
- [buzzer sounds]
What are you doing
at the replicators? Move back!
That's not the plan!
What are you doing?!
Using our training.
- They can't hit what they can't see.
- [grunts]
DZOLO: The smoke's too thick.
Hold your positions.
OCAM: So much smoke.
I can't see. I can't see.
DZOLO:
Shoot the mascot!
OCAM:
Oh, no, they're shooting at me.
Guys, they're shooting.
Ocam, come on.
What are you doing, mate?
SAM: Just kidding.
I'm not a mascot. I'm photonic.
Sam.
I can make myself permeable,
bitches! [laughs]
MUGATO:
Hey, that's cheating.
SAM:
Nothing in the rulebook about it.
[Sam laughs]
Hi!
MUGATO:
No. No, no, no.
No, guys, guys.
- Boom!
- 3-1.
That's how you do that!
- [cheering]
- First point for Starfleet Academy.
OCAM: That was for you,
my furry little friend!
I'm all up in you, baby!
Whoo!
He used our own shots
to locate us in the smoke.
Smart.
[cheering]
Holy shit. We got a point!
We got a point!
B'AVI:
They found a strategy that works--
- replacing you.
- [muffled laugh]
[indistinct chatter]
GENESIS:
Well, we can't pull that off a second time,
but at least it's not a shut-out.
Wait. You're you're leaving?
You're a better captain than I am.
The team's yours.
LURA:
What in the sweet name of Qo'noS is this?
Why is this always on my watch?
You will pay!
You will pay
with blood, sweat and shame!
Why are none of you crying?!
- I'll cry.
- Quiet!
To your chancellors! Now!
I got a lot of paperwork
to get through.
None of you
have been paying attention.
- For the record, I've actually been paying
- For the very last time,
patience and empathy--
they are not concessions.
- These are strat
- [scratching]
Hello.
Hi.
Patience and empathy.
These are strategies, tools.
What Mir?
Are your pajamas covered
in little accordions?
They are tiny warp cores.
You want to say something cute
about it? Huh? Do ya? Do ya?
You want to end this war once
and for all? Show some growth.
Growth!
Is anybody listening?
[imitating echo]:
Listening? Listening?
There will be
no more after-hours
shenaniganizing.
I'm putting the campus
under lock and key
with biometric security.
I'm sure Chancellor Kelrec
and his tea-loving eyeball
- [chuckles]
- would be flattered.
Disciplinary menial labor assignments
- will be posted tomorrow-- 30 hours a person.
- 30
According to Item 48.9B
in the rulebook, seven hours
Woo-hoo! 35.
Any other takers?
Dismissed.
Out!
OCAM: She must be pissed
if she's breaking the rules.
Yeah. Maybe we should have
just listened to what she said
- and stuck to botany.
- INSTRUCTOR: Quietly now. Quiet.
[shushes]
Quietly now.
- PLANTS: Quietly now.
- Quiet.
- PLANT: Quiet.
- [instructor shushes]
- [plants shush]
- It's okay.
- PLANTS: It's okay.
- Almost there.
- PLANTS: Almost there.
- Quietly now.
- PLANTS: Quietly now.
- Quiet.
- PLANT: Quiet.
- It's okay. Almost there.
- PLANT: It's okay. Almost there.
- PLANT 2: Almost there.
[instructor and plants shushing]
GENESIS [chuckles]: I think the chancellor
was trying to tell us something.
I know she just said
"patience" and "empathy."
But she also said,
"End the war once and for all."
We're gonna prank the War College.
Yeah.
We're gonna prank
the War College so hard,
- they'll write songs about it.
- What? Now?
Yes, now. If I'm getting busted,
it's going to be worth it.
We're gonna take
what our chancellor taught us
and wait for the right moment--
patience.
And hit the War College
back on their level-- empathy.
Chancellor wants to see some growth?
We're gonna show her some growth.
We're gonna be doing
disciplinary labor
for the rest of our lives.
RENO:
This PADD is healthy as a newborn.
What's the problem? Teething?
- It's not receiving incoming messages.
- Weird.
DAREM:
You know what?
It's fine.
- Uh, the problem must be on the other end.
- Yeah.
That happens.
Look, kid,
any message
that you have to chase down
does not deserve to be read
by you.
It's fine.
You don't It's not
It's fine.
A teenager with parental issues.
Never before in the universe.
People are simple.
They either show up for you
or they don't.
- Oh, there you are, Commander.
- Not a good time.
Dispensing wisdom.
We were having turducken for dinner,
but now it can't exist
because you forgot
to prep the replicator.
I'm sorry, kitten. My bad.
Are you not respecting dinner?
Dinner is important.
We'll go out. Chinese? Ni'Vari?
French. I want coq au vin.
But with krada leg and grapok sauce.
I'll make a res at Yvette's.
See?
Everything is
gonna brie all right.
- LURA: No.
- Goodbye, my love.
LURA:
Even more no.
[Reno sighs]
French-Klingon fusion--
the cuisine
I never knew that I needed.
I left a starship on the edge
of creation to be with her.
That's what you call
showing up for someone.
Has anyone ever done that for you?
I don't know. Maybe someone
who was furious with you?
Or maybe someone
you repeatedly underestimated?
Who is also your classmate named
- Genesis?
- I got it, I got it.
I didn't know.
I mean, you went far away.
I was worried about you.
So, technically, this doesn't
require violence, but
The honor of my friends
is bound to my own.
- I will join you.
- All right.
- This needs to go like clockwork.
- Mm-hmm.
Aah! [mutters]
[clears throat]
Can I, uh?
Have I ever told you I used to
play the belaklavion as a kid?
- It's a Bajoran instr
- I know what it is.
Do I care?
Kids across the galaxy were starving,
and I was playing fancy instruments.
I played that thing
until my fingers bled.
My mom and dad were sitting
right in the front row,
and I
I missed a note.
They left before
I could finish the piece.
That's my family.
You're either the center of
the universe or you're nothing.
Mom and dad issues.
Impressive.
Yeah.
Had to beat you at something.
Look, I
I took advantage of you
when you opened up.
I'm sorry.
It's a big universe.
I can't expect
everyone to play fair.
You had the right
to expect it here.
He learned something?
Mm. He didn't mean a word of that.
Shut up Mir.
You lead
I follow.
Okay.
Uh, one thing, though.
- The knife in the ribs.
- [laughs]
Yeah. I was six.
Khionians have multiple appendixii.
- Oh, wow.
- Appendixes.
- Appendixes.
- Let's begin.
♪
The War College dorms
are secured during the day.
While the cadets are at class,
someone will need
to disable the system
so we can get in.
Where are we supposed
to find someone with clearance?
Well, uh, yeah,
it's not perfect.
I replicated it from memory,
and I had
to guesstimate Caleb's size.
- My size?
- Yeah.
I'm not wearing that.
Mugato, hey, what's up?
GENESIS:
This part's way too techy
for anyone else to pull off.
Whoo!
Mugato.
FEMALE VOICE:
Attention, cadets.
Afternoon classes
will begin in five minutes.
GENESIS:
Kelrec teaches battlefield resilience
every day from 1500 to 1630.
That is our window.
To temporarily disable
the security system,
you'll need
to get into his office.
Problem is, we need his cornea,
which is what the chancellor
was trying to tell us.
Chancellor Kelrec
and his tea-loving eyeball.
- That's you, Darem.
- You want me to remove Kelrec's eye?
Hi. So, yeah, like you,
I originally thought
that we were removing
people's eyeballs and ganglia.
But it turns out, pranks
aren't meant to draw blood.
Got it.
Sir? Sir?
I want to apologize
for the illicit game of Calica.
This is a Khionian tradition.
You're not familiar
because you've never met
a Khionian before,
- but we do this all the time.
- Oh.
I offer you my deep remorse.
- That's quite enough, Cadet.
- Please don't deny this
culturally sensitive moment,
Chancellor Kelrec.
Thank you, sir.
JAY-DEN:
With that polymer DNA imprint,
I can code the programmable
biometric gel
to replicate any one
of Kelrec's body parts.
COMPUTER: Retinal biometrics
and trace DNA confirmed.
- CALEB: Yes.
- Welcome, Commander Kelrec.
CALEB:
So, once in, I'll override
the security grid so it shuts off,
but it'll only last 60 seconds.
We're gonna need someone fast
to deliver the packages
while the cadets are at class.
It's go time.
[chuckles]
And I'll deliver the gifts
and be out in under a minute,
like Santa.
GENESIS: Oh, I almost forgot
to mention, I juiced
the growth accelerant.
Nahla's plants were a little
too cute for our purpose.
You'll see.
Once the security system
comes back on line,
you'll need to haul ass
and make sure
you don't get caught.
TARIMA:
Hi, Caleb.
Where you running off to?
CALEB [high-pitched]:
Caleb? Who-Who's Caleb?
And you should be in class,
young lady.
- You should be ashamed of yourself.
- Just stop.
Okay? I can sense you
through this ridiculous outfit.
Can we talk?
CALEB [sighs]:
Do we have to?
[grunts softly]
[exhales]
I'm sorry I didn't tell you
when I chose the War College.
I should have. I owed you that.
I just
I didn't know how.
- You make me feel
- Amazing?
Exhilarated? Nuts?
Out of control.
I'm not like other Betazoids.
Back home
I was able to manage it.
Now that I have the freedom
to go where I want
and be who I want, that freedom
it cost me something.
I think I'm getting the picture.
I didn't choose the War College
'cause of you.
I chose it so I can
finally learn the discipline
of being in control of myself.
Okay, this place,
it's-it's who I am.
- I mean, it's who I have to be.
- Oh, come on.
You're no more "this place"
than I'm the Academy.
Okay? Please don't fall
for this "us versus them" shit.
You're the one who's angry
'cause I didn't choose your team.
You're at the Academy now,
and you need
everyone to pick it with you
because
you don't have the guts
to face your own choice.
I didn't choose anything.
It was either this or prison.
Okay? And I'm-I'm not
What are you?
[neuro-inhibitor beeping]
You're fighting yourself so hard.
Convincing yourself not to care
about this place
these people.
But I could feel you
during the game, Caleb.
I can feel it now.
This is the first time
you've felt part of a group.
And you like it.
[scoffs]
But you're afraid
they'll let you down.
Control is
[laughs softly]
overrated.
- [alarm sounding]
- I win.
[laughs]
- This isn't over.
- Mm-hmm, that's for sure.
DAREM:
Hey!
Hey! Mr. Mugato.
Over here, come on.
Come on.
HOLO-GUARD:
No running in the hallways.
No running in the hallways!
- Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
- Ah!
Thought you might need to be rescued.
The geniuses left
their transporter module
in our changing room.
CALEB:
Not bad.
How'd you find it?
Because I'm an all-seeing genius.
Chancellor assigned me lavatory duty.
Damn it, she's good.
No running in the stairwell.
GENESIS: Then all we have to do
is wait until sunrise and
[female screams]
[cadets screaming]
Kyle, come on.
I'm going to kill whoever did this.
I am going to literally
rip them to shreds!
PLANT: Kyle, come on, I'm going
to kill whoever did this.
PLANT 2: Kyle, come on, I'm going to kill
whoever did this.
[overlapping plant chatter]
[cadets screaming]
What the hell is going on?
PLANTS:
What the hell is going on?
- CADET: What are these things?!
- CADET 2: Get outside!
PLANT:
Get outside!
Oh!
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
Good morning.
Is the War College doing
primal scream therapy now?
We are going to rip
those weeds out and shove them
so far down your throat,
you're gonna shit chlorophyll.
You will not.
Fall in.
The Vitus Reflux
is a protected species
under Starfleet regulation 286.3.
286.4, actually.
Unless I'm mistaken,
it says disturbing the plant
before it reaches adulthood
is a, a crime.
Maturation takes longer
if those plants sense any stress,
so keep calm if you can.
Oh, and it helps
to talk to them with patience.
And empathy.
[PADD chimes]
Oh.
Oversight committee
has arrived, Chancellor.
Oh.
They'll be inspecting
dorm rooms, too,
so you might want
to try and, you know
tidy up.
Shall we?
I yield.
The victory is yours.
I commend your cadets for their efforts.
And I yours.
They learned from the best.
- [Sam giggling]
- The best? The best?
Later, guys.
Good luck.
CALEB:
It was you, wasn't it?
You were one of the cadets
who transported the first years
to the roof all those years ago.
NAHLA:
What was that word you used?
- Legendary?
- [scoffs]
- [laughing]
- You've been dropping hints
since the War College first hit us.
Empathy plants, Kelrec's eyeball.
You even said,
"Show me some growth."
- [laughing]: I know.
- And then you made us think it was our idea.
Why didn't you just tell us?
And let you cheat? Like Kelrec?
Half the fun was seeing
if you'd all actually do it,
and you did.
You executed it
with exceptional brilliance
and grace.
- Sort of.
- Man,
why does everything have to be
a full-on lesson in this place?
'Cause it's a school, Caleb.
[both laugh]
And it's how we were taught.
The War College teaches
its cadets to fight battles.
I'm teaching you to end wars.
To learn the patience
to formulate a true strategy
and the empathy
to understand your opponents
so you can disarm them.
That's what Starfleet
needs to be again.
And leading through fear alone
makes that impossible.
[sighs]
So, like, what would you say
to someone
who just keeps choosing fear?
I literally am asking for a friend.
[sighs]
It isn't on you
to control anyone but yourself.
[exhales]
Wow.
Hard lesson.
But not all opponents are enemies.
And the more you play,
the more they help you
live up to your potential.
Maybe you could do that
for your friend.
Maybe.
We'll see.
[exhales]
[laughs softly]
[sighs]
[laughs]
LURA:
Did you have this all gamed
when I first came into your office?
Not really.
But when you doubled down
on the plant analogies,
it all came together.
I would have thanked you,
but I figured you'd need
plausible deniability
if the oversight committee
ever found out
the new chancellor had shenanned.
I appreciate it.
I knew you were doing your job.
And you were doing yours.
I'll admit I couldn't see that.
I should have trusted it.
I'm going to meditate on trust.
What do you usually meditate on?
Decapitation.
[laughs]
DAREM:
Dear Mother and Father
Academy training
remains rigorous, as expected.
What I hadn't anticipated
and am coming to appreciate
are the lessons in leadership
that I could've never received
anywhere else.
GENESIS:
I think that one's mine.
Aye, Captain.
It's fascinating, really,
to be a part of a community
where excellence
is prized and rewarded
but not to the detriment
of its individual members.
One can lead and be led
with empathy, patience.
And not just for others
but for oneself as well.
SAM:
Aye, Captain.
DAREM: I never knew
such a thing was possible.
[chuckles]
Perhaps this is what friendship
and family are meant to be.
Perhaps this is
who I am meant to be.
GENESIS:
Heads up.
Welcome to the team.
It's perfect.
Check this guy out.
[all oohing]
♪
♪
♪
[snoring]
DAREM:
Cadet Darem Reymi,
personal message,
stardate 868858.7.
Dear Mother and Father,
in the three weeks
since the Academy began,
I'm confident I'm maintaining
the standard of excellence
we agreed upon.
[chimes]
As I promised:
last to bed, first to rise.
♪
[music playing over earbuds]
[snoring]
♪
[music continues over earbuds]
Whoa!
Wait. You already?
- [music stops]
- Wh-What time do you?
For speed and agility days
or for power days?
- Either.
- 4:40 a.m.
for speed and agility,
3:30 a.m. for power.
Anyway, I got to go
hit the track for sprints.
See you around, sleepyhead.
DAREM: I strive to be first
in each endeavor.
Every day brings a new
opportunity to prove myself.
WOMAN [over P.A.]:
Starfleet Academy,
report for cardio and sprints.
War College, you have
weights and flexibility.
DOT:
Move it, War College, move it.
Watch your posture, Cadet Sadal.
Back straight, Cadet Djokovic.
Keep those glutes in the air.
Buns of steel, cadets.
LURA: Starfleet maggots, I want to see
that you want to be here.
Do you want to be here?
Let's go!
Show me you're worthy
of this uniform.
Get moving.
What are you waiting for?
Let's go!
You call that a lunge?
Lower, Cadet, lower.
Down! To the mat, Cadet.
To the mat.
What is this?
Is this a tea party?
Get up! You're all weak
right now. Weak!
DOT: War College
versus Starfleet Academy.
Who will win?
The counts are even.
It's Cadet Mir in the lead.
Cadet Mir for the win!
♪
That was
disappointing/underwhelming.
DZOLO:
Dude, what was that?
You're the best
in the War College,
and he smoked you.
Embarrassing.
[blows whistle]
Next station, Romeo.
Every warrior knows
that you live each day
with an eye towards death,
as she walks free and upright
amongst the living.
But if by chance
you survive until tomorrow,
we'll be having tryouts
for the Calica team.
- Sign up here.
- Ow.
Darem Reymi.
Captain of the Khionian
All-Planet Under-18 team.
Four years running.
There is no need to state it.
It scanned you.
Genesis Lythe.
Captain of the
Inter-Base Youth League.
Five years and change.
And top of her class.
And student ambassador
to the Model Fed Council.
Mm.
When do you sleep?
Admiral's daughter.
We don't need sleep.
What happens if you do?
You get court-martialed?
[laughs]
- I'll never know.
- Not easy
being an admiral's daughter, hmm?
Takes daddy issues to a whole
new level, for sure.
Also makes losing
out of the question.
Mm. Too bad there can only be
one captain of
of anything.
- Sorry.
- Guess you'll have to learn
- to live with disappointment.
- Mm-hmm.
- GENESIS: Good luck.
- OCAM: You want me to injure her?
- I'll cut the ponytail off.
- DAREM: Do it.
You did not grow up
playing Calica either.
CALEB:
I know.
I haven't played anything.
Not a team guy. I'm more of a
"rely on myself
and don't get killed" guy.
Hey, hey, hey. Uh, what's?
He says he's allergic
to organized sports.
- To which part?
- The sports.
And the fact
that they're organized.
Mm. Oh, that's funny.
[cadets oohing]
[laughter]
B'AVI:
Academy cadets.
Do you find it
challenging to run
while also debating
the ethical ramifications
of hurting the floor?
Do you find it challenging
to be a War College douchebag?
- Not your best.
- Dude. I just got smacked in the head.
You're gonna take up
half our space,
get ready to be target practice.
SAM:
Oh!
I see we don't like each other.
Don't talk.
I smell
[sniffing]
fear.
You know, properly channeled,
those feelings of inadequacy
can lead to
well, in your case,
just more inadequacy.
- Better.
- Love the uniforms, guys.
May be the only thing
about the War College
that stays relevant.
All right.
This has been fun,
but I don't think
you guys can afford to take
any more time away
from whatever it is you're,
um, compensating for.
Starfleet Academy is an experiment.
Like all experiments,
it must prove its value.
The War College has nothing to prove.
CALEB: Then why'd you go
out of your way
to hit me in the head with a ball?
You an angry toddler?
Yeah.
Maybe our very large Klingon friend
will smack the eyebrows off
your freaking face.
[clears throat]:
Mm-mm.
[whistle blows]
No blood will be shed on my court
without my express permission.
Back to your classes! Now!
[showers running]
Ah, Darem! That scar.
It looks painful.
How'd you get it?
You ever fought someone
with a knife between your ribs?
I don't have ribs.
You know, I used to know a guy
like that War College bicep
back on Khionia?
Oh, please, God, no
My parents didn't think
we were a good match.
Your parents tell you who to date?
Nah. Well, I mean,
the relationship was doomed
after I slept with his sister.
Both of them, actually.
And their cousin.
I would love
to just have one shower
without having to hear
about Darem's multiple
- polycule underwater hookups.
- [gasps]
[gasps]
What the?
We indeed violate the fundamental laws
of temporal mechanics to achieve
[all gasping]
Oh, boy. Okay.
Whoa. That's a lot.
Whoa!
[exclaims]
[all gasping]
[grunting]
[screaming, gasping]
[laughter]
GENESIS:
Get me out of here.
- Ooh.
- [grunting]
Attention, Starfleet cadets.
We did this because we could.
And we will keep doing it
because it is fun.
Enjoy yourselves.
[laughs]
This is war.
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
DIGITAL DEAN OF STUDENTS:
Do you aspire to be the best
and brightest in the galaxy?
Exceed your physical,
mental and spiritual limits?
Be the captain of your own destiny
at Starfleet Academy.
Applicants of all species are welcome.
Is the voice-over too stupid?
We are about to have
a prank war on our hands
just as the
oversight committee arrives.
This is a PR dumpster fire.
Commander, in our line of work,
something is on fire all the time
and everything is on fire
some of the time.
- [jazzy music plays]
- LURA: Be that as it may,
as a War College graduate,
I can promise you,
they shenanned once,
they'll shenann again.
Well done, Number One. Advise.
I thought you would never ask,
Chancellor.
This is your only possible response.
Demand a formal apology from Kelrec,
and he nips it in the bud.
Or kills it in the cradle,
if you prefer.
I'm good with the plant metaphor.
It's not our job to resolve
our students' problems for them.
We're in the "teach them
how to fish" business.
Also [scoffs] that's no fun.
There are those that see us as
an experiment waiting to fail.
You've said it yourself.
Your tacit approval
hands them ammunition
in front of the committee.
I'm beginning to get the feeling
you don't trust me.
Quite the opposite.
I trust that you'll come
to the right decision.
Before it's too late.
So you don't trust me.
Lura, this is kid shit!
Forgive my language.
I'm pro kid shit.
They grew up in the Burn.
I'm not going to crush
the life out of them
any more than the universe
already has.
Captain. Chancellor.
I choose to work for you
and not Kelrec
for three reasons:
I believe in Starfleet's
mission of peace,
and despite what you may think,
I believe in you.
What's the third thing?
I just find him very odd.
And that whole tea fetish.
Tea fetish?
Out of all the fetishes available?
Want to give it one last pitch
before I disregard your counsel?
You know that a single
transgression is like a weed:
yank it now, or it multiplies
and strangles the entire field.
What's with you
and the plant metaphors?
I hear you, Commander.
I do.
Perhaps it would be beneficial
if our cadets did, too.
Well, that
that's a cool idea.
Chancellor,
we were basically naked.
No. Completely naked!
Everybody was looking at us
like we were insane.
- Like we're crazy.
- In front of the whole school.
What about our honor?
I took a bath for the first time.
You want us to get back
at them with botany?
- Seriously?
- I don't know, guys.
Do you think botany
can end a prank war?
- Or did you have other ideas?
- Yeah. Hit 'em back harder.
Bring some serious pain.
Wait till exams
and then fritz their servers.
- [overlapping chatter]
- Like I was saying
DOT:
Captain.
We are gonna plant
and grow the rare
and highly protected
Vitus Reflux.
Despite being known
as "the empathy flower,"
it's not actually a flower.
It's a fungus.
♪
Speak your mind, Cadet.
Don't hold back.
- Chancellor, respectfully
- Mm-hmm?
this is the single dumbest idea
I've ever heard.
How is this strategic?
PLANT [high-pitched voice]:
How is this strategic? How is this strategic?
- How is this strategic?
- Got a deeper voice than you, Darem.
Ever read The Art of War, Reymi?
- PLANT: Art of War, Reymi?
- Fifth century BC.
Sun Tzu learned patience in a garden
and respect for the opponent.
They got you pretty bad.
- PLANT: They got you pretty bad.
- If I may, Chancellor,
it was not an original idea.
The War College stole that prank.
Cadet Sam ran a search
through old Starfleet
disciplinary records.
In the 28th century,
some cadets transported
the entire first-year class
from the sonic showers
to the roof of Alcatraz.
JAY-DEN: It took the faculty half a day
to get everyone down.
- [laughter]
- GENESIS: No way.
Ah, that's legendary.
Then you've already learned
your opponents' lack of imagination.
Grab a trowel.
- PLANT: Grab a trowel.
- [mutters]: Oh, my God.
And anybody who rolls
their eyes gets expelled.
PLANT:
Gets expelled.
Spritz the spores,
add the growth accelerant.
Vitus only blooms at night,
so be patient.
Plants are like cadets.
All they need is water, food
and a little encouragement.
Go, go, go.
PLANT:
Go, go, go.
DIGITAL DEAN OF STUDENTS:
Specialist Krebs,
your Talaxian Furfly
is attempting to mate with a beaker.
Please intervene.
- Doing great, buddy. I love you.
- GENESIS: Okay.
We all ready for Calica tryouts?
No, I will not pursue violence
in any form.
I have chosen the Exo-Ecology Club
in that same time slot.
I know. I respect that.
But
I swiped your delta
while you were showering
and I maybe signed you up.
[forced laugh]
[quietly]:
What the hell, Genesis?
- What? It's just a
- No, no, no.
I'm not signing up for some
culty school spirit war, okay?
I don't do spirit.
- Or tribes. Or teams.
- I want to be captain.
I need to be captain.
And when I am, I need
my strongest players.
You fought the Venari Ral.
Look around. Look at them.
[frantic sneezing]
OCAM:
Sorry! It's on your shoe.
[grunting]
[sighs]
- We need you.
- [scoffs]
Please?
How's your, um,
your Betazoid princess?
President's daughter.
And she's not anybody's.
Well, I guess your tour
was so compelling,
she went and ran away
to the War College, hmm?
Shitty comment retracted.
But I get the vibe she likes sports.
Okay, I'll do it if you stop talking.
Thank you.
LURA:
Strategy. Skill. Teamwork.
Calica is more than just a game.
I want you to right your minds
and prepare your hearts for battle.
There are two teams,
each with a mascot.
The mascot protects a target.
The goal of the game is simple.
Fight your way
to the other side of the field
and shoot a target guarded
by the opposing team's mascot.
Tryouts today will not be easy.
You'll be scored
in a series of drills.
Highest score makes the team.
I want you to strike
with the force
of a thousand tachyons!
Strike until your opponents'
innards liquefy and pour
And you'll do it all
while wearing
really snazzy uniforms.
Uh-huh.
You all know Coach Reno.
Professor, I thought you taught
Temporal Mechanics?
I'm a nerd/jock hybrid.
LURA:
Each team is made up
of eight players,
a mascot and an alternate.
The mascot is
the last line of defense.
- They protect the target.
- What kind of mascot?
What are we working with?
What we're working with is
a hundred push-ups.
Now! And the next interruption, 200.
Using the mascot
in the game is a tradition.
Way back, Starfleet's was a lapling--
fuzzy, mean like a koala,
cute like a targ.
They called him
Lappy. They called him Lappy.
So it's basically
like a fun game of laser tag?
Yeah, just like laser tag.
- [weapons firing]
- Ah!
This is not like laser tag!
What is happening?!
LURA: I warned you,
tryouts would not be easy.
Calica prepares you
for real-world combat.
Which is why I will not have
a losing Calica team
at this academy.
Today's obstacle course
is designed to show me
what each of you is made of.
Every move you make
will gain or lose you
one individual point.
Any cadet who rings
the bell of victory
at the end
of the obstacle course
[neck cracks]
wins a bonus point.
The top eight cadets
will make the team.
The rest of you
will live in shame.
Begin!
[screaming]
Release the drones!
[indistinct yelling]
There's drones, everyone,
there's drones!
Hey! You forgot about us!
[clangs]
DIGITAL DEAN OF STUDENTS:
Bonus point-- Lythe.
[clangs]
Bonus point-- Reymi.
- [clangs]
- Bonus point-- Lythe.
[clangs]
- Bonus point-- Reymi.
- Whoo!
[pants, groans]
[clangs]
Bonus point-- Reymi.
A little feedback?
You're trying too hard.
It's slowing you down.
[chuckles]
[powering up]
The Calica game phaser.
It will not win the game for you.
GENESIS:
Look who finally showed up.
But it can keep you from losing.
Better late than never.
I'm showering
with my delta from now on.
The phaser has only one setting.
Whoa.
[Caleb groaning]
Transport.
- CALEB: Son of a bitch.
- If you are hit,
you will be beamed out of play
and into the casualty box
for the entirety of that round.
You'll be able
to rejoin your team
in the next one.
Do not be late again.
Ooh.
Lone wolf came to play.
I thought you hated sports.
I do. I hate them.
LURA:
Yes, Mir, yes!
- [grunting]
- No, Mir, no!
[buzzer sounds]
DIGITAL DEAN OF STUDENTS:
Mir-- disqualification.
[whistle blows]
SAM:
Genesis, where are the drones?!
GENESIS: I can't see them
through the smoke!
[cadet muttering weakly]
[screaming]
[grunts]
Come on. She's porous!
RENO:
Yeah, the best of us are.
And it's permeable, not porous.
Get your Ps straight.
LURA:
Five minutes left, cadets.
If you want to make the team,
impress me now.
Pathetic.
A little feedback?
You're not trying hard enough.
It's making you stupid.
- JAY-DEN: I want blood.
- CALEB: There's no blood.
- I want blood in it.
- You need blood in food
- Absolutely.
- for you to consider it food?
- To tear it to pieces.
- That doesn't sound healthy, dude.
That's the only way
it should be.
Rokeg blood pie, bregit lung
with grapok blood sauce,
heart of targ with blood sauce.
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, can you distract them for me
- for a sec?
- With what?
I don't know.
Use your biting humor.
Nothing about me is funny.
- [Caleb laughs]
- JAY-DEN: Caleb.
CALEB:
That's funny.
JAY-DEN:
Caleb.
- [indistinct chatter continues]
- [sighs]
Greetings, War College brethren.
Hey. You.
H-Hello, my name is Jay-Den.
- Jay-Den.
- Mm-hmm. It means
"He who crosses oceans of fire."
So, yeah.
I'm Kyle.
Hmm.
It means Kyle.
Mm-hmm.
- Okay, great.
- Uh, as we were discussing
Klingon humor,
I discovered two Klingon jokes.
Waiter, what is this gagh
doing in my aO'mat Gri?
Screaming.
Ah, uh,
- because the gagh-- it's dying.
- DZOLO: Come on.
Well, hold on.
What, uh
what was the second one?
DZOLO:
Please, no.
CALEB: Excuse me, miss,
don't I know you?
TARIMA:
Nope.
Yeah, I do. Mm-hmm.
Tarima, right?
Caleb Mir, tour guide?
Turns out, you forgot
to fill out a comment card.
Shoot. I must've left it
in my other pants.
I can't remember
how many stars I gave you.
Five. Definitely five.
Out of five?
Doesn't sound like me.
I get why you enrolled
in the wrong school,
but you could've just
come to the Academy
- and avoided me there.
- Believe it or not,
I didn't choose the War College
'cause of you.
- Uh-huh?
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Blink twice
if this is a hostage situation.
- Alternate theory.
- Oh, yeah?
Your whole life on Betazed
was rules and walls,
and now that you can go anywhere
and be anything
you freaked out
and you chose the War College
'cause it's safer.
Glib, reductive and stupid.
- Love to be analyzed like this.
- Hey, I get it.
Too much freedom at the Academy, right?
Too many ancient
Bajoran scripture classes,
interspecies ethics courses,
and yoga clubs.
So you decided to join
the asshole factory instead.
[scoffs]
Oh, and we're done.
Look, I didn't mean you're an asshole.
I'm the asshole, okay?
Look, I'm sorry, but
Anything before the word "but"
is bullshit.
No, no, no,
you didn't even tell me.
After everything
that we've been through?
[scoffs]:
Everything?
[laughs]
Yeah.
I don't know.
I kind of thought we had some
energy between us.
Was I completely wrong?
[neuro-inhibitor beeping]
[exhales]
Are you okay?
Did I do that?
[neuro-inhibitor whirs]
Caleb, we're strangers.
Oh, okay.
- We are strangers.
- Mm-hmm.
- We're strangers, yeah.
- You feel a certain way about me,
and you think
I feel that way, too,
except I just haven't realized it yet.
And you think
if you keep barking at me,
I'll eventually get there.
You need all the school you can get.
If you are here,
then, congratulations.
Your scores yesterday
were slightly less terrible
than everyone else's.
Hmm.
RENO:
Or your score
was just plain terrible, but
you fit the Lapling costume.
[chuckles]
Congrats, Lappy.
Welcome to the Calica team.
- Sweet. It's an honor.
- [Sam laughing]
Yeah.
- Oh
- RENO: And we didn't forget
team captain.
Lythe, Reymi, you guys tied.
Commander Thok wanted you
to settle it
by digging each other's graves,
uh, with the loser
getting their eyes plucked out
by a baby Gorn.
Unfortunately, we weren't able
to get that cleared
by the Alumni Association.
LURA:
Side-by-side shoot-out.
The winner is your captain.
Computer, activate simulation.
DIGITAL DEAN OF STUDENTS:
Simulation is activated.
[cadets cheering]
Target one-- tie.
Target two-- tie.
Target three-- tie.
Target four-- tie.
Target five-- tie.
- Target six-- tie.
- Six to six.
Boy, you two just love a tie.
First one to eight takes it.
- Target seven-- tie.
- Good focus.
Making those daddy issues work for you?
What did you say, you piece of shit?
Target eight-- Reymi.
Target nine-- Reymi.
Darem Reymi is
your new Calica captain.
[cheering and whooping]
- [chanting]: Darem! Darem!
- Not Darem.
- Darem! Darem!
- Not Darem Reymi.
- Darem! Darem!
- Who's the new Calica captain?
- Darem!
- Let's hear it. Come on, let's hear it,
let's hear it,
let's hear it one more time.
[chanting]:
Darem! Darem!
- Let's hear it! Let's hear it!
- [chanting continues]
CALEB:
What's that supposed to be?
I believe
it is a captain's chair.
And I believe he is hoisted
by his whooping posse of dudes.
This guy's insufferable.
- DAREM: Come on, let's hear it.
- Darem! Darem! Darem!
DAREM:
Yeah, a little bit more, come on.
- Darem! Darem!
- [fanfare playing on-screen]
NARRATOR:
Do you aspire
to be the best
and brightest in the galaxy?
[cadets screaming]
[distorted bellowing]
RENO:
Good God.
[indistinct yelling]
[screaming]
- Guys!
- Come on, follow us.
- Where am I?
- Hey!
Hey!
[screams]
NARRATOR:
Exceed your physical
MALE:
I don't want to bleed!
NARRATOR:
mental, and spiritual limits.
[female screams]
Be the captain
of your own destiny
- [screams]
- at Starfleet Academy.
LURA:
Where did they find these people?
[laughing]
CALEB:
Calm down.
[tuts]
- DAREM: That's funny?
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, you're laughing? Yeah?
- DZOLO: Oh, yeah, at you.
- Calm down. Calm down.
DAREM:
Do you want something to laugh at?
Tonight, our atrium
- after curfew.
- Calm down.
Calica.
Right. Plan for a short night.
DZOLO:
Aye aye, Captain.
Bye.
[grunts mockingly]
COMPUTER: Retinal biometrics
and trace DNA confirmed.
Welcome, Commander Kelrec.
Your security's pretty serious.
Well, we tried funny security,
but no one felt safe.
Tea?
Computer, resume leisure protocol.
[classical music playing]
It's critical
to use the proper tools.
Fresh, dried leaves.
Water
heated to 86.4 degrees Celsius.
If one step is handled carelessly,
the result is
[sighs]
a weak cup.
- Cheers.
- You don't "cheers."
Oh, if you must stir,
uh, place the spoon at 12 o'clock,
then softly fold the liquid
back and forth
12 times to six o'clock. 12
to six.
Your kids accessed our security
to get that footage,
which was only possible
- with an instructor's help.
- Is that an accusation?
A fact.
I analyzed all the metadata.
You aided and abetted
the humiliation of my cadets.
We learn more from our failures
than our successes.
And someone has
to teach your cadets that life
and war will come at them
from all sides.
Some of them came here
in cargo holds.
They don't need a reminder
that life isn't fair.
Apparently, they do.
Put yourself
in their shoes for a sec.
The "E" word.
[puzzled grunt]
Empathy.
These kids have no reason
to believe in anybody.
I-I want them to believe in me,
and I need them to believe in you.
Yeah, surprise.
I got no problem
with kids being kids,
but your putting your thumb
on the scale
defeats both our purposes.
Our cadets need to know
that our campus is
a level playing field.
I'd call you naive,
but you've got 300 years on me.
[inhales sharply]
This is only gonna get worse.
Do you really want
to risk shenanigans
when the oversight committee
gets here?
I'm giving you a chance to end it.
Chancellor,
my cadets and I will continue
to outflank, outmaneuver
and outplay yours.
And then you can decide
how that "E" word
is working out for you.
Oh, yeah?
Well
my 12 to six
is your six to 12.
So think about that.
[door whooshes open]
- What?
- [door whooshes shut]
Based on the measurable
difference in our capabilities,
- we have a 2.7% chance of winning.
- DAREM: See, see?
Exactly. See? This is our chance
to prove ourselves.
No, no, no, this is your chance
to prove yourselves.
- Okay?
- I was about to say, lucky we have you,
my right-handed, rule-breaking
I'm not your anything.
Apparently, that's
- Premature? Mm-hmm.
- Premature.
And why did you have to say
it was our atrium?
I can't afford
any more service hours
if I want to get out
of Starfleet this century.
You were so ready to throw down
when we first met.
Are you really gonna let
these idiots get away with this?
Now, who's with me?
Am I really the only one
that believes
they need their asses handed
to them? Hmm?
I'm with you!
Every calculation says
that they'll keep terrorizing us
if we don't rally.
- Caleb?
- You're an idiot.
That's a yes.
Genesis?
You know what kind of captain
sends his team
into a slaughter?
One who got there by playing dirty.
Hey, I win at all costs.
I said that out loud.
What'd you expect?
I expected you to not use
my family shit against me.
Good luck Captain.
FEMALE:
all-nighter for Xenolinguistics.
I'll make coffee.
We'll be fine.
DOT: Attention, cadets,
please exit immediately.
- Really?
- The atrium is closed for cleaning.
Ugh, this sucks.
DAREM:
Since we don't have access
to an actual Calica field,
this will have to do.
We've divided the atrium in half--
your side and ours.
Mascots on the risers.
- Caleb, you ready?
- Yup.
This'll fool the insomniac
and nocturnal cadets,
but once the sun's up,
so goeth the jig.
Okay, first to four points.
Deal. And it's open season
on the mascots
if they leave the target zone.
B'AVI:
Targets will materialize
when any player gets within
five feet of the target zone.
Your bleachers have been
designated the casualty box.
A Calica computer
will monitor our gameplay.
- Less talking, more humiliation.
- Granted.
Maybe be careful what you wish for.
DAREM:
Okay.
You all focus on defense.
- Protect
- OCAM: I'm late.
That's what it looks like.
- [laughs]
- I'm a lapling.
Oh, yeah.
Man, I have seen tougher Tardigrades.
- Oh, my head.
- Okay, okay, the offensive plan
- is me.
- GENESIS: Just you?
And what happens
when that plan goes to shit?
[scoffs]
Couldn't stay away, huh?
Yeah, teamwork makes
the dream work. Mm.
Anyway, as I was saying,
the offensive plan is just me.
They'll be expecting
a full-on offensive assault.
Let's surprise them.
Have faith in your captain.
- You ready?
- No.
Bring it in. Come on.
DIGITAL DEAN OF STUDENTS:
Players, take your positions.
Mascots to the target zones.
Bring it, Mugato.
Why don't you blow my horn, Lapling?
Whip it out, bro, whip it out.
Game one begins in five,
four, three,
two, one.
- Commence play.
- [buzzer sounds]
Stay back and give me cover fire
and don't let them
anywhere near Ocam.
Ready? Now!
- [grunts]
- SAM: What? Uh
Go, cover Ocam.
Okay, okay.
Let's go.
- Cover us.
- Yep.
OCAM:
Guys, guys, guys,
over there, really tall,
handsome dude on the move.
Genesis.
Genesis!
Kill him. Take him out!
Take-- Come on,
what is wrong with you?!
Behind you,
behind you, behind you.
Hey, Princess.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Somebody help! Somebody help!
[chime sounds]
- First point to the War College.
- Whoo!
- Game two begins now.
- [buzzer sounds]
- A-Again, Darem?
- [phasers firing]
DAREM:
Yeah, Caleb, shoot and move!
Go, go, go, go!
Shoot them all!
Hunt them all!
OCAM:
Caleb, Caleb, Caleb, Caleb!
That's what I'm talking about, Caleb.
- [phaser fires]
- [chime sounds]
CALEB:
Seriously?
DIGITAL DEAN OF STUDENTS:
War College leads
two games to zero.
Game three begins now.
OCAM:
Shoot them, Sam, shoot them.
[grunting]
Caleb, over there, on your six
[grunts]
Guys, are we even trying?
- [chime sounds]
- OCAM: No, guys, why?
DIGITAL DEAN OF STUDENTS:
3-0, War College.
- Well played.
- Match point.
Time-out.
One-minute time-out
called by Starfleet Academy.
SAM:
What's our next play?
Uh, I don't know.
Hey. What are you doing?
GENESIS:
What are you doing?
- Huh?
- Pull a strategy out of your ass or stand down.
Sorry. Are you the captain?
Are you? No, didn't think so.
Come on. Come on! Come on!
- Resume play.
- [buzzer sounds]
[grunting]
- I like this game.
- [buzzer sounds]
Foul. Prohibited strike.
Cadet Reymi
will sit out the point.
- You okay?
- Mm-hmm.
If we can't outmuscle them,
- we outsmart 'em.
- Offense. Hey!
Get physical, get after them!
[grunts]
GENESIS:
Okay, we need a real plan.
SAM:
What are you thinking?
[Genesis sighs]
DAREM:
Genesis, come on!
What are you doing?
I told you what to do!
- Come on!
- No. I have a different strategy.
Just wait for my signal, okay?
Sam, I'm gonna need you
to do something for us.
SAM:
Okay.
Players, resume positions.
Play will continue in three, two,
- one.
- [buzzer sounds]
What are you doing
at the replicators? Move back!
That's not the plan!
What are you doing?!
Using our training.
- They can't hit what they can't see.
- [grunts]
DZOLO: The smoke's too thick.
Hold your positions.
OCAM: So much smoke.
I can't see. I can't see.
DZOLO:
Shoot the mascot!
OCAM:
Oh, no, they're shooting at me.
Guys, they're shooting.
Ocam, come on.
What are you doing, mate?
SAM: Just kidding.
I'm not a mascot. I'm photonic.
Sam.
I can make myself permeable,
bitches! [laughs]
MUGATO:
Hey, that's cheating.
SAM:
Nothing in the rulebook about it.
[Sam laughs]
Hi!
MUGATO:
No. No, no, no.
No, guys, guys.
- Boom!
- 3-1.
That's how you do that!
- [cheering]
- First point for Starfleet Academy.
OCAM: That was for you,
my furry little friend!
I'm all up in you, baby!
Whoo!
He used our own shots
to locate us in the smoke.
Smart.
[cheering]
Holy shit. We got a point!
We got a point!
B'AVI:
They found a strategy that works--
- replacing you.
- [muffled laugh]
[indistinct chatter]
GENESIS:
Well, we can't pull that off a second time,
but at least it's not a shut-out.
Wait. You're you're leaving?
You're a better captain than I am.
The team's yours.
LURA:
What in the sweet name of Qo'noS is this?
Why is this always on my watch?
You will pay!
You will pay
with blood, sweat and shame!
Why are none of you crying?!
- I'll cry.
- Quiet!
To your chancellors! Now!
I got a lot of paperwork
to get through.
None of you
have been paying attention.
- For the record, I've actually been paying
- For the very last time,
patience and empathy--
they are not concessions.
- These are strat
- [scratching]
Hello.
Hi.
Patience and empathy.
These are strategies, tools.
What Mir?
Are your pajamas covered
in little accordions?
They are tiny warp cores.
You want to say something cute
about it? Huh? Do ya? Do ya?
You want to end this war once
and for all? Show some growth.
Growth!
Is anybody listening?
[imitating echo]:
Listening? Listening?
There will be
no more after-hours
shenaniganizing.
I'm putting the campus
under lock and key
with biometric security.
I'm sure Chancellor Kelrec
and his tea-loving eyeball
- [chuckles]
- would be flattered.
Disciplinary menial labor assignments
- will be posted tomorrow-- 30 hours a person.
- 30
According to Item 48.9B
in the rulebook, seven hours
Woo-hoo! 35.
Any other takers?
Dismissed.
Out!
OCAM: She must be pissed
if she's breaking the rules.
Yeah. Maybe we should have
just listened to what she said
- and stuck to botany.
- INSTRUCTOR: Quietly now. Quiet.
[shushes]
Quietly now.
- PLANTS: Quietly now.
- Quiet.
- PLANT: Quiet.
- [instructor shushes]
- [plants shush]
- It's okay.
- PLANTS: It's okay.
- Almost there.
- PLANTS: Almost there.
- Quietly now.
- PLANTS: Quietly now.
- Quiet.
- PLANT: Quiet.
- It's okay. Almost there.
- PLANT: It's okay. Almost there.
- PLANT 2: Almost there.
[instructor and plants shushing]
GENESIS [chuckles]: I think the chancellor
was trying to tell us something.
I know she just said
"patience" and "empathy."
But she also said,
"End the war once and for all."
We're gonna prank the War College.
Yeah.
We're gonna prank
the War College so hard,
- they'll write songs about it.
- What? Now?
Yes, now. If I'm getting busted,
it's going to be worth it.
We're gonna take
what our chancellor taught us
and wait for the right moment--
patience.
And hit the War College
back on their level-- empathy.
Chancellor wants to see some growth?
We're gonna show her some growth.
We're gonna be doing
disciplinary labor
for the rest of our lives.
RENO:
This PADD is healthy as a newborn.
What's the problem? Teething?
- It's not receiving incoming messages.
- Weird.
DAREM:
You know what?
It's fine.
- Uh, the problem must be on the other end.
- Yeah.
That happens.
Look, kid,
any message
that you have to chase down
does not deserve to be read
by you.
It's fine.
You don't It's not
It's fine.
A teenager with parental issues.
Never before in the universe.
People are simple.
They either show up for you
or they don't.
- Oh, there you are, Commander.
- Not a good time.
Dispensing wisdom.
We were having turducken for dinner,
but now it can't exist
because you forgot
to prep the replicator.
I'm sorry, kitten. My bad.
Are you not respecting dinner?
Dinner is important.
We'll go out. Chinese? Ni'Vari?
French. I want coq au vin.
But with krada leg and grapok sauce.
I'll make a res at Yvette's.
See?
Everything is
gonna brie all right.
- LURA: No.
- Goodbye, my love.
LURA:
Even more no.
[Reno sighs]
French-Klingon fusion--
the cuisine
I never knew that I needed.
I left a starship on the edge
of creation to be with her.
That's what you call
showing up for someone.
Has anyone ever done that for you?
I don't know. Maybe someone
who was furious with you?
Or maybe someone
you repeatedly underestimated?
Who is also your classmate named
- Genesis?
- I got it, I got it.
I didn't know.
I mean, you went far away.
I was worried about you.
So, technically, this doesn't
require violence, but
The honor of my friends
is bound to my own.
- I will join you.
- All right.
- This needs to go like clockwork.
- Mm-hmm.
Aah! [mutters]
[clears throat]
Can I, uh?
Have I ever told you I used to
play the belaklavion as a kid?
- It's a Bajoran instr
- I know what it is.
Do I care?
Kids across the galaxy were starving,
and I was playing fancy instruments.
I played that thing
until my fingers bled.
My mom and dad were sitting
right in the front row,
and I
I missed a note.
They left before
I could finish the piece.
That's my family.
You're either the center of
the universe or you're nothing.
Mom and dad issues.
Impressive.
Yeah.
Had to beat you at something.
Look, I
I took advantage of you
when you opened up.
I'm sorry.
It's a big universe.
I can't expect
everyone to play fair.
You had the right
to expect it here.
He learned something?
Mm. He didn't mean a word of that.
Shut up Mir.
You lead
I follow.
Okay.
Uh, one thing, though.
- The knife in the ribs.
- [laughs]
Yeah. I was six.
Khionians have multiple appendixii.
- Oh, wow.
- Appendixes.
- Appendixes.
- Let's begin.
♪
The War College dorms
are secured during the day.
While the cadets are at class,
someone will need
to disable the system
so we can get in.
Where are we supposed
to find someone with clearance?
Well, uh, yeah,
it's not perfect.
I replicated it from memory,
and I had
to guesstimate Caleb's size.
- My size?
- Yeah.
I'm not wearing that.
Mugato, hey, what's up?
GENESIS:
This part's way too techy
for anyone else to pull off.
Whoo!
Mugato.
FEMALE VOICE:
Attention, cadets.
Afternoon classes
will begin in five minutes.
GENESIS:
Kelrec teaches battlefield resilience
every day from 1500 to 1630.
That is our window.
To temporarily disable
the security system,
you'll need
to get into his office.
Problem is, we need his cornea,
which is what the chancellor
was trying to tell us.
Chancellor Kelrec
and his tea-loving eyeball.
- That's you, Darem.
- You want me to remove Kelrec's eye?
Hi. So, yeah, like you,
I originally thought
that we were removing
people's eyeballs and ganglia.
But it turns out, pranks
aren't meant to draw blood.
Got it.
Sir? Sir?
I want to apologize
for the illicit game of Calica.
This is a Khionian tradition.
You're not familiar
because you've never met
a Khionian before,
- but we do this all the time.
- Oh.
I offer you my deep remorse.
- That's quite enough, Cadet.
- Please don't deny this
culturally sensitive moment,
Chancellor Kelrec.
Thank you, sir.
JAY-DEN:
With that polymer DNA imprint,
I can code the programmable
biometric gel
to replicate any one
of Kelrec's body parts.
COMPUTER: Retinal biometrics
and trace DNA confirmed.
- CALEB: Yes.
- Welcome, Commander Kelrec.
CALEB:
So, once in, I'll override
the security grid so it shuts off,
but it'll only last 60 seconds.
We're gonna need someone fast
to deliver the packages
while the cadets are at class.
It's go time.
[chuckles]
And I'll deliver the gifts
and be out in under a minute,
like Santa.
GENESIS: Oh, I almost forgot
to mention, I juiced
the growth accelerant.
Nahla's plants were a little
too cute for our purpose.
You'll see.
Once the security system
comes back on line,
you'll need to haul ass
and make sure
you don't get caught.
TARIMA:
Hi, Caleb.
Where you running off to?
CALEB [high-pitched]:
Caleb? Who-Who's Caleb?
And you should be in class,
young lady.
- You should be ashamed of yourself.
- Just stop.
Okay? I can sense you
through this ridiculous outfit.
Can we talk?
CALEB [sighs]:
Do we have to?
[grunts softly]
[exhales]
I'm sorry I didn't tell you
when I chose the War College.
I should have. I owed you that.
I just
I didn't know how.
- You make me feel
- Amazing?
Exhilarated? Nuts?
Out of control.
I'm not like other Betazoids.
Back home
I was able to manage it.
Now that I have the freedom
to go where I want
and be who I want, that freedom
it cost me something.
I think I'm getting the picture.
I didn't choose the War College
'cause of you.
I chose it so I can
finally learn the discipline
of being in control of myself.
Okay, this place,
it's-it's who I am.
- I mean, it's who I have to be.
- Oh, come on.
You're no more "this place"
than I'm the Academy.
Okay? Please don't fall
for this "us versus them" shit.
You're the one who's angry
'cause I didn't choose your team.
You're at the Academy now,
and you need
everyone to pick it with you
because
you don't have the guts
to face your own choice.
I didn't choose anything.
It was either this or prison.
Okay? And I'm-I'm not
What are you?
[neuro-inhibitor beeping]
You're fighting yourself so hard.
Convincing yourself not to care
about this place
these people.
But I could feel you
during the game, Caleb.
I can feel it now.
This is the first time
you've felt part of a group.
And you like it.
[scoffs]
But you're afraid
they'll let you down.
Control is
[laughs softly]
overrated.
- [alarm sounding]
- I win.
[laughs]
- This isn't over.
- Mm-hmm, that's for sure.
DAREM:
Hey!
Hey! Mr. Mugato.
Over here, come on.
Come on.
HOLO-GUARD:
No running in the hallways.
No running in the hallways!
- Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
- Ah!
Thought you might need to be rescued.
The geniuses left
their transporter module
in our changing room.
CALEB:
Not bad.
How'd you find it?
Because I'm an all-seeing genius.
Chancellor assigned me lavatory duty.
Damn it, she's good.
No running in the stairwell.
GENESIS: Then all we have to do
is wait until sunrise and
[female screams]
[cadets screaming]
Kyle, come on.
I'm going to kill whoever did this.
I am going to literally
rip them to shreds!
PLANT: Kyle, come on, I'm going
to kill whoever did this.
PLANT 2: Kyle, come on, I'm going to kill
whoever did this.
[overlapping plant chatter]
[cadets screaming]
What the hell is going on?
PLANTS:
What the hell is going on?
- CADET: What are these things?!
- CADET 2: Get outside!
PLANT:
Get outside!
Oh!
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
Good morning.
Is the War College doing
primal scream therapy now?
We are going to rip
those weeds out and shove them
so far down your throat,
you're gonna shit chlorophyll.
You will not.
Fall in.
The Vitus Reflux
is a protected species
under Starfleet regulation 286.3.
286.4, actually.
Unless I'm mistaken,
it says disturbing the plant
before it reaches adulthood
is a, a crime.
Maturation takes longer
if those plants sense any stress,
so keep calm if you can.
Oh, and it helps
to talk to them with patience.
And empathy.
[PADD chimes]
Oh.
Oversight committee
has arrived, Chancellor.
Oh.
They'll be inspecting
dorm rooms, too,
so you might want
to try and, you know
tidy up.
Shall we?
I yield.
The victory is yours.
I commend your cadets for their efforts.
And I yours.
They learned from the best.
- [Sam giggling]
- The best? The best?
Later, guys.
Good luck.
CALEB:
It was you, wasn't it?
You were one of the cadets
who transported the first years
to the roof all those years ago.
NAHLA:
What was that word you used?
- Legendary?
- [scoffs]
- [laughing]
- You've been dropping hints
since the War College first hit us.
Empathy plants, Kelrec's eyeball.
You even said,
"Show me some growth."
- [laughing]: I know.
- And then you made us think it was our idea.
Why didn't you just tell us?
And let you cheat? Like Kelrec?
Half the fun was seeing
if you'd all actually do it,
and you did.
You executed it
with exceptional brilliance
and grace.
- Sort of.
- Man,
why does everything have to be
a full-on lesson in this place?
'Cause it's a school, Caleb.
[both laugh]
And it's how we were taught.
The War College teaches
its cadets to fight battles.
I'm teaching you to end wars.
To learn the patience
to formulate a true strategy
and the empathy
to understand your opponents
so you can disarm them.
That's what Starfleet
needs to be again.
And leading through fear alone
makes that impossible.
[sighs]
So, like, what would you say
to someone
who just keeps choosing fear?
I literally am asking for a friend.
[sighs]
It isn't on you
to control anyone but yourself.
[exhales]
Wow.
Hard lesson.
But not all opponents are enemies.
And the more you play,
the more they help you
live up to your potential.
Maybe you could do that
for your friend.
Maybe.
We'll see.
[exhales]
[laughs softly]
[sighs]
[laughs]
LURA:
Did you have this all gamed
when I first came into your office?
Not really.
But when you doubled down
on the plant analogies,
it all came together.
I would have thanked you,
but I figured you'd need
plausible deniability
if the oversight committee
ever found out
the new chancellor had shenanned.
I appreciate it.
I knew you were doing your job.
And you were doing yours.
I'll admit I couldn't see that.
I should have trusted it.
I'm going to meditate on trust.
What do you usually meditate on?
Decapitation.
[laughs]
DAREM:
Dear Mother and Father
Academy training
remains rigorous, as expected.
What I hadn't anticipated
and am coming to appreciate
are the lessons in leadership
that I could've never received
anywhere else.
GENESIS:
I think that one's mine.
Aye, Captain.
It's fascinating, really,
to be a part of a community
where excellence
is prized and rewarded
but not to the detriment
of its individual members.
One can lead and be led
with empathy, patience.
And not just for others
but for oneself as well.
SAM:
Aye, Captain.
DAREM: I never knew
such a thing was possible.
[chuckles]
Perhaps this is what friendship
and family are meant to be.
Perhaps this is
who I am meant to be.
GENESIS:
Heads up.
Welcome to the team.
It's perfect.
Check this guy out.
[all oohing]