The Bad Guys: Breaking In (2025) s01e03 Episode Script

1
Have a nice day.
I know, it's me. But don't worry.
I'm not gonna steal anything.
Probably too scared to speak.
Face-to-face with the Wolf
from The Bad Guys.
My advice? Let the thrill soak.
Look, I don't know no Bad who, whatsits,
or whatever you're talking about.
You want a cup of joe or not?
Wait, wait, wait.
You haven't heard of The Bad Guys?
We're famous criminals, big-time crooks.
We're, uh, tenth
on the Worst of the Worst List, so, uh…
Ah. No, n-no one really pays attention
below the top five on that.
So you're not freaked out at all
that I'm a fearsome criminal?
Nope.
Or the fact that I'm the Big Bad Wolf?
That's scary, right?
I don't judge animals by their species.
Sorry to disappoint you, pal.
Tell you what.
Why don't you have the coffee on me?
Seems like you could use a cheer-me-up.
No way!
I'm stealing this!
Now you'll remember The Bad Guys,
and me, Wolf, of The Bad Guys.
Can't really steal something that's free.
Then I'll pay for it first! Here!
And I'm taking these too. Sayonara!
My paper cups?
Those aren't worth anything.
Hey, this is, like, a hundred bucks!
Being on the list is cool,
but what's the point
if we're not being recognized
as the criminal masterminds that we are?
What's the deal with all the paper cups?
Look, if you're throwing a party, I'm out.
I don't do small talk.
Wolf, we've only been a team for a while,
and we've already made it on the list.
Rome wasn't sacked in a day.
Yeah, bro. You gotta live in the now.
Not sure what that means,
but I see it on bumper stickers.
What's up with all these cups?
I know we're bad guys
but, jeez, we're not monsters.
-We should recycle these.
-Forget about the cups!
Forget about living in the now.
We're The Bad Guys.
If no one fears us as criminals,
maybe we're not that good of criminals,
you know?
Maybe we're just… just…
…petty… pet…
uh… petty thieves.
What is it?
If it's an opportunity to get in
on the ground floor, let me warn you,
invest everything.
It's not spam.
"As the newest members of the list,
Tiffany Fluffit wants to do
a news piece…" on us?
Wait. Really?
-Tiffany Fluffit knows who we are?
-She does.
And she wants the rest of the world
to know who we are too. Huh.
I guess an interview with Tiffany
in which we come off
as a hardened group of ne'er-do-wells
would solve our reputation problem.
Sorry, but it's my policy
not to talk to the press.
I like keeping a low profile.
And no,
it's not just because I don't have legs.
See? That's exactly the kind of criminal
prowess we should be showing off, right?
Imagine. "Seasoned Crook Too Scary
to Show on Screen."
I might crack
safes, but I never crack under pressure.
Wow. You are a truly terrifying criminal.
I won't be sleeping tonight!
Hmm.
I mean, I'd never say anything so corny,
but I do like the voice… a lot.
I bet we could squeeze in
a safe-cracking exhibition too.
Well, you can count me out.
I've got mad beef with Channel 6
ever since they canceled
Chester's Playhouse.
Don't ask about it.
Chester's Playhouse?
The children's show I starred in as a kid!
Channel 6 canceled it after one episode!
Chester's Playhouse was everything to me!
I was supposed to be a star!
-I said don't ask.
-Fair point.
So, things didn't work out for your show.
I'm sorry. I really am.
But isn't this a chance to show them
the talent they missed out on?
After all, aren't you a star of disguise?
Uh, I was supposed to interview Mr. Shark
about his disguise techniques?
Hello? Anyone?
Oh, but you are interviewing Shark.
I was the chair.
Incredible! Oh!
What role can't you play?
While I've currently misplaced
my chair disguise…
It's somewhere around here.
…I'm sure I can think of something.
Perfect! And no freaking out
over Channel 6, right?
Uh-huh.
Great. We're all set.
Au contraire, Wolf.
I don't spill the beans for nobody.
Unless I'm cooking up
my signature Spilled Bean Ragu,
which does require me to spill some beans.
Plus, we've got
a lot of big jobs coming up,
and I would hate for someone…
to let anything slip.
That's actually good,
because I don't want you
to say anything at all.
-You don't?
-I just want you to drive.
I'm joined by Mr. Piranha
to see what it takes
to be a world-class getaway driver.
Wahoo!
I have been practicing my skid-mark art,
but I guess I could try
with car tires too.
-Ew!
-Gross!
You don't have to worry about me, Wolf.
I am totally down
to wow Tiffany Fluffit with my hacking.
You'd think it's just about bypassing
the firewall with randomized decryption,
but you gotta spoof
the IP address too, you dig?
I do not.
But tell me, Webs,
tech-genius extraordinaire,
what exactly are you hacking?
Only the world's largest
and formerly most secure
missile-defense system.
Target acquired.
Loved everything
except the moon exploding.
Ah, no problem.
I can just make the missiles
do a fun firework display.
Or blow up the moon.
No blowing up the moon!
So, we all agree.
We are gonna take this opportunity to show
that we're the baddest baddies around.
We pull this off, and we'll be riding
the waves of criminal fame.
Come on! Now serve me up some nasty looks.
I like what I'm seeing.
This interview is gonna change our lives!
You see, The Bad Guys
don't just commit crimes.
We live crimes.
We… We breathe crimes.
We are a crime.
Does the box make me look stupid?
I better not look stupid. Tell me.
Do I look stupid? It's stupid.
No.
You look really…
bad.
Sorry, Mr. Snake.
I wasn't really prepared
for anonymous setups.
My colleague and lead anchor, Chuck Melon,
sort of hogs all the good gear, so…
…this will have to do.
And you think
swallowing this obnoxiously large kazoo
is really gonna disguise my voice?
How could it not?
Okay. How does it sound?
Come on, tell me.
Do I sound like a tough guy?
So, where were we?
Nowhere, 'cause I'm not gonna
answer any questions.
That's kind of the point of an interview.
Typical Channel 6.
-Oh, not this again.
-Yes, this again!
So, Mr. Shark,
you're the team's master of disguise?
I'll ask the questions, thanks.
I'm here with Channel 6's
so-called "reporter," Tiffany Fluffit.
Ms. Fluffit,
our viewers would like to know,
why did your TV network cancel the beloved
children's program Chester's Playhouse?
What viewers?
And I don't know what that is.
I thought I was here to talk about
how you famously stole the Mona Lisa,
disguised as the Mona--
How about how Channel 6 famously stole
my childhood hopes and dreams?!
Elaborate on that.
You said you were, like,
the safe-cracking expert?
Okay. It's been, like, 45 minutes.
I am an expert!
I just can't see a dang thing!
Hey, where'd the safe go?
Whoop. You passed it.
Okay, so, while The Bad Guys have
destroyed Peppy Sweet Pots' factory
and graffitied the art museum,
I gotta ask,
have you actually
stolen anything as a team?
What?
We've stolen some big stuff.
Impressive stuff.
Like, um…
…paper cups. Um…
Anybody seen a large safe?
I don't squeak
or leak nothing about myself.
Nada. Zilch.
Not even my favorite color, which is blue.
Ah, very clever, Ms. Fluffit.
Tricking me to gab about my personal life.
I haven't said anything yet.
I guess blue just reminds me
of my mama's eyes.
Which were blue, by the way.
Please watch the road.
And remember,
we said no freaking out about Channel 6.
-Uh-huh.
-And we're calm now?
In control of ourselves?
Uh-huh.
Good Shark.
I deserve answers!
I was supposed to be a star!
Just tell me why!
Shark, open up. Come here, come here.
And you know what else blue reminds me of?
We just got ahold of the blueprints
for First Municipal Bank,
which we're robbing next Thursday
at exactly five-forty--
Hey, buddy. Maybe don't tell the world
about our plans?
Makes it hard--
I'm okay!
Speaking of upcoming heists,
tomorrow, we've planned
quite the bakery burglary.
This is not good.
-Why launch missiles at your own lair?
-What?
I wasn't trying to aim at the lair.
Duh! I was aiming for the moon.
I specifically said not to do that!
I know!
Once I got going,
I sort of couldn't help myself.
When I went to type the moon coordinates,
I brain-farted and put the lair's.
It's funny in retrospect.
No, it's not. Fix it!
Almost there.
Almost there.
Phew! Re-routed the missiles
to deep space.
Should we, uh,
get back to the interview, or what?
Yeah, I'm out. Cut!
Tiffany, Tiffany, Tiffany!
Tiffany, wait! Wait.
Oh, Tiffany! I just remembered,
my mother's eyes were green, not blue.
Can't believe I messed that up.
Speaking of green, we got a heist planned
at the Carlisle Golf Club next--
Shark is eating the camera again.
-Tiffany!
-Spit it out!
Enough!
I'm sorry, but it's over.
It's been pure chaos,
we almost got blown up,
and all I have to show for it is nonsense!
I can't believe
I let you convince me to do this, Wolf!
Wait, wait, wait. This was your idea?
You're the reason
I sound like a possessed toy?
You did this to me?!
Okay, so, I fibbed a little bit
when I said Tiffany reached out to us.
-I reached out to her and asked--
-You practically begged.
…and asked her to do it.
But it was for the benefit
of the whole group.
Are you practicing your nasty looks again?
Get him!
-Get him!
-Where you going?!
This is why
no one pays attention below the top five.
-Tiffany, Tiffany! Tiffany, wait!
-Uh-uh. No way.
No use trying to convince me
to start the interview over.
Yeah. I guess we're not exactly
prime-time-ready.
It's just, I know we're awesome crooks,
but I feel like we keep getting overlooked
by more established groups.
I sort of get it.
Chuck Melon gets all the glory
at Channel 6.
I'm a way better reporter than him,
but he gets to cover all the top stories,
like tomorrow's
World's Largest Hot Dog reveal,
while I'm stuck doing pieces on lowlifes.
No offense.
None taken.
Oh, look.
I have to air something for my piece.
And any way I cut it, you're not gonna
come across the way you hoped.
Wait.
Instead of airing the interview,
what if you just happened to catch
a ragtag team of criminals, on camera,
stealing the World's Largest Hot Dog?
You get the big story.
Chuck Melon gets nothing.
The Bad Guys get the cred we deserve.
You in?
I can't willingly be
an accessory to a crime, Wolf.
But I'm not saying no.
And I'm not not saying we'll be heisting
the hot dog tonight after dark.
And I'm not not not saying
that I won't be there with my camera.
Well, it looks like
we do have a disagreement?
-I'm sort of getting confused actually.
-I'll make it clear.
If you fail to steal that dog,
I air your interview.
There's no way you stay on
the Worst of the Worst List then.
So, let me get this straight.
You misled us about the interview
with Tiffany Fluffit,
we humiliated ourselves on camera,
all because of you?!
Hey, what are--
Sorry. Your voice was really annoying.
Oh… Oh…
So much better.
Anyway… Now the only way
to stop the interview from going live
is to work with you
to steal this massive hot dog?
I messed up. I know that.
I shouldn't have lied to you all.
I let my dream of being a famous crook
get in the way of what really matters.
Getting better and better at pulling off
notorious crimes that will make us famous.
And stealing this giant hot dog
is one way of doing that.
I don't expect you to forgive me.
Good, because I don't.
And instead of getting touchy-feely,
I'd rather bury my emotions
in a good old-fashioned heist, so I'm in.
Working through my Channel 6 baggage
has actually made me feel a lot better.
Just don't ask me to hack anything.
I'm afraid of what I might do.
Piranha?
You know what? My mom's eyes are black.
I remember my friend Alfred saying,
"Why is your mom looking at me
with those black eyes,
like she'll eat me?"
Funny, I never saw him again after that.
Anyway, yeah, I'm in.
We might not be able
to pull off an interview,
but we sure as heck
are gonna pull off this hot dog heist.
Cue the music.
Ooh! That hot dog smells delicious.
It's torture.
Come on, Rhonda,
you're a professional. Focus!
Hot dog!
Get your hot dog!
Anybody around here
driven practically mad from the tempting,
just-out-of-reach scents
of the world's largest,
most delicious hot dog?
Why, me, specifically right now.
-Oh, come on! Oh, can you just throw in…
-Guard is immobilized.
-My mom ate Alfred, didn't she?
-Moms, right?
Wolf, Snake, go for lift-off.
You're not afraid of heights, are you?
No, not usually,
but maybe a little
when all there is between me
and being splattered on the ground
is a discount jetpack.
Whoa! Kind of jumpy.
Hey, the guy I got 'em from
told me they were "mostly functional."
So… we're good.
Huh?
Let's go.
Okay, here we go. Breaking news!
Tiffany Fluffit reporting live
from the World's Largest Hot Dog,
where I, Tiffany Fluffit,
through stellar investigative reporting,
have stumbled upon a group of baddies
in the act of stealing the jumbo meat.
Can they actually pull it off?
Will Chuck Melon have anything
to report on tomorrow?
Have I alerted the authorities?
Stay tuned as the story develops.
This hot dog heist
is going smoother than I expected.
I gotta hand it to you, Wolf,
even if I am still sore you lied to us.
Stealing this puppy
is gonna make us more famous
than any interview would.
You know, since we have the spotlight,
we should probably give the world
a little taste of
the high-flying stuff we can do.
Whoa!
Wolf, would you quit it
with the fancy stuff?
Whoa!
Wow! The Bad Guys
are putting on a show tonight!
Whoa! Oops.
Well, at least we're up here
and not down there.
First Alfred, now Wolf and Snake?
I can't keep losing friends.
I'm not that popular!
Oh! This is just like
the plot of Chester's Playhouse.
How?
We're alive!
You ain't gonna be for long.
Get over here.
Let's get out of here first.
Then you could do
whatever horrible things you have planned.
Whoa!
Long way down.
Wolves always land on their feet.
People say that, right?
Uh, something like that.
That's for earlier.
So, what now?
New plan. Think, think, think. Um…
Um, dudes?
Did the hot dog just blast off?
Run!
Drive!
The tables have turned, and the hot dog
is seeking revenge on the wannabe crooks.
Who will win? The wiener or the weenies?
I'll be bringing you all the action.
Follow that meat!
Go, go, go, go!
Wahoo!
Oh! Me, an apex predator,
killed by a hot dog?
I've humiliated my ancestors.
I always knew
this gig was a one-way ticket.
I can't die now.
I have so much left to steal!
At least we're going out
doing what we love. Heisting.
-Ugh! Come on!
-Piranha, hey! Gross!
Ugh!
What are we going to do?
We can't get away
with this giant thing now.
I'm not giving up.
I got us into this mess.
I'm gonna get us out, whatever it takes.
Mm.
I mean, I am a little hungry.
Yeah, he's suffered enough.
Anybody got mustard?
-That's pretty good.
-Mm. Not bad.
One more bite…
…and it's gone.
We stole it.
We just need to get it…
…down the old gullet.
In yet another twist,
The Bad Guys have fled the scene
and the giant dog is nowhere to be found.
Looks like they got away,
not just with the World's Largest Hot Dog,
but with Chuck Melon's
big story tomorrow as well.
Sorry, Chuck.
Have a nice day.
Coffee, please.
Hey, I know you. You're that guy
who stole the World's Largest Hot Dog.
I saw you on the news.
Despicable, but impressive.
Hey, thanks. And thanks.
Uh, you gotta pay for that, pal.
Get back here!
Send the bill to The Bad Guys.
Punch it.
Ow! Hot! That's hot coffee!
Why didn't I get a lid?!