The Brady Bunch (1969) s01e03 Episode Script

1
Here's the story of a lovely lady ♪
Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls ♪
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day when
The lady met this fellow
And they knew that it was
Much more than a hunch
That this group
Must somehow form a family
That's the way they all
Became the Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way they became
The Brady Bunch.
I got it! I got it!
Mary Ditmeyer thought
she'd win, but she didn't!
I got it!
Oh, Cindy, be careful.
I got it! I got it!
What'd she get?
Something Mary Ditmeyer didn't.
I hope it isn't mumps or chicken pox.
Cindy, what'd you get?
Oh, Mommy, the fairy princess.
You got it!
The school play you got the lead!
Oh, Cindy, I'm so pleased!
I'm pleased, too.
As long as it isn't mumps or chicken pox,
I can finish making dinner.
Oh, sweetheart, you'll be
a marvelous fairy princess.
Hi, there.
How are my girls?
Oh, it's Daddy.
You know what? You know what?
What?
I'm the fairy princess
and I get to fly and marry
a prince and everything.
Terrific! That's great, punkin.
And I'm going to get the most applause
'cause I got the most family.
Oh, you sure do.
( Both chuckling )
She fell asleep like that.
Oh, she's been studying her script.
Aw, she's really excited about that play.
Yeah, Mike you want to carry her over?
Oh, my Prince Victor.
Oh, dear Prince Victor
Boy, Cindy sure is hung up
on that old Prince Victor.
Shh!
( Crying )
Cindy?
Poor Victor.
What?
Oh, poor Prince Victor.
I shall never see him again.
Honey, what's going on?
Please, Daddy.
Don't interrupt my hearsal.
"Hearsal"?
That's actor talk.
Darling, that's "rehearsal."
Would you like me to read with you?
Okay. You be the fairy queen.
Okay.
"The wicked witch is afraid of daylight.
"If you crow like a rooster
she will think the sun is coming up."
"Like this, fairy queen
cock-a-doodle-doo."
No, Cindy, crow like a real rooster.
( Imitates rooster crowing )
( Imitates rooster crowing )
Hey, that's great.
If you crowed any better,
you'd lay an egg.
Oh, Daddy.
Roosters crow; Hens lay eggs.
Oh, I forgot.
Oh, this is a good part.
I remember this when I was in school.
Hey, listen why can't I be in this?
There's no good part for you, Daddy.
The wicked witch has cast
a spell on Prince Victor.
Spells can be broken.
I was very good in dramatics, too.
Can you teach me
to break a spell, fairy queen?
Perhaps I forgot to mention I
was in the college drama club.
Cindy, for heaven's sake,
give the man a part.
But there isn't anything for Daddy to do.
Well, how about Prince Victor?
Can't I play Prince Victor?
You really want to be Prince Victor?
Sure.
Okay. You come over here.
This I got to see.
Okay.
Now, what do I do?
You get down on your hands and knees.
Okay.
( Clears throat )
Now, what do I say?
Nothing. You just keep croaking.
Croaking?
Prince Victor's a bullfrog.
( laughs )
You wanted to be in show business.
CINDY: You see,
the wicked witch has cast a spell on you.
That's why you're a bullfrog.
Okay, okay.
You got to croak now.
I don't think I know how to croak.
Oh, do the best you can.
Well, um, let's see oh.
Ribbit, ribbit.
That's good.
Are you sure that's Prince Victor?
Yes.
We must find a way to undo the spell.
Croak again, Daddy.
Oh, yeah.
Ribbit, ribbit.
( laughing )
Ribbit, ribbit.
Mike, Mike, Mike
Mike, what are you doing?
What us frogs do best.
( laughing )
"Dear cousin, do not eat that apple.
The wicked witch has"
What's this word?
"Poisoned."
Poisoned.
"The wicked witch has poisoned it."
You're just saying the words, Cindy.
Well, I have to, don't I?
You have to live your part.
That's what Stanley Slavsky says.
Who?
Stanley Slavsky.
That's Stanislavsky, dumbbell.
I saw it in the encyclopedia.
Anyway, he was the greatest
drama teacher there ever was.
He said to be a great artist,
you must suffer.
How do you suffer?
I'll show you. Keep reading.
Okay.
"Fairy cousin,
"that apple was meant for me.
You ate it to save my life."
( Coughing )
"Cousin, dear cousin, are you dying?"
( Moaning )
Jan, are you okay?
I'm suffering.
Oh.
( Moaning )
BOYS: Yay!
Hey, if I'm the star,
how come she's getting all the applause?
Okay, Herman,
you can stretch your legs now.
Go take a walk. Go on.
Hey, could I play?
Sure. Be the batter.
Come on.
Put it in here.
Strike one.
"Never mind.
"The fairy queen will save you.
"She can do anything."
"Let me call her."
"I will fly to get her for you."
"It's easy for fairies to fly.
"You just think lovely thoughts
and flap your wings
and fly!"
Hey!
I'm okay.
Yeah, but you almost
squooshed Herman!
I'm sorry.
I was hear sing my part.
You were hear sing your part?
I'm the fairy princess.
I have to fly.
Boy, that's neat.
You get to be hung up on wires and stuff.
You're not gonna be scared, are you?
Course not.
How do they hang me up?
Want us to show you?
We don't have any wires.
We can use the clothesline.
That's a good idea.
We'll show you how.
Come on, Bobby. You bring those boxes.
Peter, you give me your belt.
Boy, this is going to be fun.
Won't be scared, sure? Are you?
Cindy, come here.
All set down there, Bobby?
Just about.
Hurry up, you guys.
It's getting heavy under here.
There. How's that feel, Cindy?
Fine.
You'll be perfectly safe.
These are real strong belts.
Come on, you guys.
Let's get rid of these boxes.
There.
And now, fairy princess
we will show you
the wonders of space flight.
I'm not flying.
I'm just hanging here.
Pilot to copilot.
Ready for takeoff.
There!
Now you're flying.
Hey, make me go the other way!
Okay. Having fun?
Yeah!
What a cast.
60 kids giving a band concert
followed by the fairy princess
with 26 speaking parts.
I know.
How can we fit the families
of 86 children
into this auditorium?
We can't even seat all the parents.
What'll we do?
Settle it democratically, I guess.
We'll have to limit each cast
member to only one ticket.
Each child can decide for himself
which member of his family to ask.
No, I'm sorry, Mrs. Engstrom,
Mrs. Brady is out.
Can I take a message?
Yeah, I see.
Well, I thought I'd better phone
and explain the situation
about the seating.
I understand just one ticket.
The children can bring the other
parent to the next production.
Go faster, Greg!
Okay.
( laughing )
Hey, Daddy wants to know
where you guys are.
Oh, my gosh!
We almost forgot about that game!
Hey, wait for me!
Someone, let me down!
Alice, Alice!
Let me down!
Alice, let me down!
Cindy! For Pete's sake,
what are you doing up there?
Hanging.
I can see that.
I was flying, but they all
went off and forgot me.
Well, I'll get you down, honey.
Aw, gee! Sorry, Cindy.
We almost forgot about you.
That's okay.
Besides, our pants were falling down.
Come on, fellas. Help me get her down.
Here, I'll get this back one first.
All right, that's one.
Let's get this one.
Okay, fellas, let her down.
You okay, Cindy?
Fine.
Let's go.
Boy, that was fun!
Wait till you see me
in The Fairy Princess!
Oh, well
Let's go inside, sweetheart.
I think we ought to have a little talk.
You mean I can only ask one person
to see me in the play?
I'm afraid so, honey.
Which one Mommy or Daddy?
Well, that's up to you.
But I want them both!
Well, according to Mrs. Engstrom,
you can't have them both, honey.
Not this time.
But whenever there's things at school,
my mommy always comes.
Then ask her.
But I want all the kids
to see my new daddy.
Then ask him.
But they won't know he's my new daddy
if he's not with my old mommy.
There's no sense you worrying
yourself about this, sweetheart.
What do you say we leave it up to luck?
How?
Okay there.
One's for Mom; One's for Dad.
Now, you get
the pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey game
Got a blindfold here
Here we go, honey.
Now, let's just get this
so you cannot see a thing.
Can you see anything, hon?
No.
All right, 'round you go
and go.
Look who gets to go.
Brazil.
Let me get another tail.
Hey, that's neato.
I wonder if this wand
is too long for Cindy?
Let's see.
I don't know.
You try it, Bobby.
Hey, this isn't a real magic wand, is it?
Oh, sure it is.
Try some magic.
Aw, you're putting me on.
Go ahead, try it.
What do you got to lose?
Well, okay.
Robert Brady, you are now
an astronaut on the moon.
Oh, I knew it wouldn't work.
Magic wands are only in fairy tales.
Like the play Cindy's in.
Will you guys do something for us?
Oh, sure. What's up?
Jan and I each made
a pair of wings for Cindy,
and we want to find out
which one is best.
Okay, bring them in. Okay.
Let's add some more sparkles.
We really want Cindy's wand to shine.
Like the floor?
I thought we told you
to put newspapers down.
You never said what for.
For extra sparkles, stupid.
Boy, I get blamed for everything.
Even extra sparkles.
Okay
Which one is better?
Which one?
She made hers for a 47-foot fairy.
They're not that big.
Well, what do you think?
Well, they're too big for a butterfly.
Cindy is not playing a butterfly.
She's playing a fairy princess with wings,
and I say that these wings are perfect.
And I think they're too big.
How do you know?
How do I know what?
How big a fairy's wings are?
Have you ever seen a fairy?
I've seen a butterfly.
Look, I carefully cut out these wings,
according to the directions.
Then how come yours are bigger?
Because I made my own directions.
I want everybody in the
audience to notice Cindy.
GREG: They'll notice her anyway.
Little Cindy looks like a fairy
princess, even without wings.
MARCIA: I can't wait
to see her in the play.
PETER: Neither can I.
JAN: I bet Mom and Dad
will be real proud of her.
I learned how to whistle
through my teeth.
Boy, am I going to cheer for Cindy.
I bet I can clap louder than anybody.
MARCIA: I'll bet she'll
have the best audience of all.
Cindy.
Cindy?
Yes, Mommy?
Would you stand over here, dear?
There.
What you doing?
Oh, I'm trying to decide
which color to use for your costume.
Mommy, when you have to
decide between two things,
how do you know which is right?
Well, you don't always.
Sometimes you have
to use your intuition.
What's that?
It's a little voice inside you
that tells you what to do.
Well, who tells the little voice?
A big voice, I guess.
Suppose it tells you
to do two different things
at the same time?
Well, then, my love,
you've got a problem.
Mommy?
Hmm?
I was thinking.
Maybe the play isn't going to be so good.
And you don't even have
to come if you don't want to.
Don't want to?
Oh, darling, wild horses
couldn't keep me away.
Hiya, punkin.
How are rehearsals coming?
Okay.
It's just a dumb old play, anyway.
"Dumb old play"?
You can't talk like that to Prince Victor.
Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit.
It is a dumb old play.
Honey, what's the matter?
Yesterday, you were
jumping around here.
Are the boys giving you a rough time?
'Cause you tell me if they are.
I want to know.
It's not that.
I don't think the play
is a big deal anymore.
And you don't even have to come,
if you don't want to.
Don't want to?
Oh, sweetheart, I wouldn't miss that
for anything in the world.
Now, you run along and play,
and I'll see you later.
Oh, hi, Cindy.
Hi. What were you doing?
Nothing.
Just trying to see how'd I'd look
with Faye Dunaway's nose.
What's up?
Promise you won't tell?
Sure.
Well, I can only invite one person
to see me in the play.
Only one ticket?
That's all.
And I don't know who to give it to.
Well, what's the problem?
You have to ask Daddy
or you'll hurt his feelings.
Mom will understand.
But what about Mommy's feelings?
She doesn't even care about wild horses.
Cindy, you just don't understand
about adjustments.
Justments?
Sit down.
We're all going through adjustments.
You see, Mom and Dad and all the kids.
You have to try hard to remember
how the other guy feels.
I know how the other guy feels.
She wants to come to the play, too.
Listen, Cindy, you have
to invite our new daddy
or you'll mess up his adjustment.
Are you sure?
If you don't believe me, ask Greg.
Hi.
Cindy, don't you know how to knock?
Yes, but the door wasn't closed.
Well, you shouldn't sneak up on people.
I wasn't sneaking.
You just didn't see me
'cause you were looking
at your muscle.
Is it getting bigger?
Never mind that.
What did you want?
Well, I can only invite one person
to see me in the play.
And Marcia says I better ask Daddy
or I'll mess up his justment.
Is that right?
No.
No?
Don't you know ladies cry
and get all uptight over junk
like seeing their kids in plays?
You better ask Mom
'cause, if you hurt her feelings
and make her cry,
Dad'll get mad.
Honey, did you notice anything strange
about Cindy today?
Well, she's a little
nervous about the play.
Yeah, I guess that's it.
She ran the strangest dialogue
past me a few minutes ago.
She did the same thing to me, too.
Anyone offering a trip to Europe
for the right answer?
Huh. Parents are always
the last to know.
I feel like a fink.
I promised her I wouldn't tell,
'cause she wants to make up
her own mind.
About what?
Mrs. Engstrom called from school.
She said that each kid
could only invite one parent
to the play.
Oh, poor baby.
I promised her, but I thought
you ought to know.
Poor baby.
Eenie, meenie, Mommy, Daddy.
Eenie, meenie, Mommy, Daddy.
Eenie
Wish I was never in that dumb old play.
All right, now, children,
let's get ready for rehearsal.
You stand over here, dear.
That's fine.
And you right over here.
No, no. Not behind his head.
Now, you right over here.
Mrs. Engstrom
Oh, Cindy why are you limping?
I was playing tag with my brothers,
and I twisted my left ankle.
So I guess I can't be the fairy princess.
Oh, the play isn't for two days.
Your ankle should be better by then.
No, I think it'll get worse.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Engstrom.
Mary Ditmeyer can do it.
And she won't mess up any justments.
Cindy, I thought you said
you twisted your left ankle.
I did.
Then why are you limping
on your other ankle?
I think they both hurt now.
Honey?
Hmm?
Cindy hardly touched her dinner tonight.
I know.
You think we ought to let her
stew about this any longer?
I don't know.
It's such a big problem for a little girl.
Maybe we should
( phone rings )
I'll get it.
Hello.
Oh, hi, Mrs. Engstrom.
She what?
Oh, I see.
No, you were right. She didn't.
We'll get back to you.
Thanks for calling.
Mike, Cindy told Mrs. Engstrom
she sprained her ankle.
She dropped out of the play.
Well, no wonder she couldn't eat
and she went right to her room.
Oh, Mike, she was so thrilled
about doing that play.
Relax, honey.
I'm going to straighten out
things right now.
It's just a dumb old play anyway.
Nobody can turn a prince into a bullfrog.
Hi, sweetheart.
Oh, hi, Daddy.
Punkin, tell me something.
Would you be very upset
if I didn't come to see your play?
Well, why, Daddy?
Well, suppose that I had
a business meeting
that night out of town.
Out of town?
Would it be all right with you
if I went to that
instead of your play?
Oh, boy!
That's sure too bad!
That's awful, Daddy!
Where are you going?
I have to call Mrs. Engstrom.
I have to talk to her before
she talks to Mary Ditmeyer.
Fairy princess?
Have you seen the fairy princess,
Mr. Tree?
Have you seen
the fairy princess, Mr. Rock?
Have you seen
the fairy princess, Mr. Bird?
Oh, I hope the wicked witch
hasn't cast an evil spell on the, um
( whispers ): Fairy princess.
Fairy princess.
Fairy princess, where are you?
( Whispering ): Oh, my.
That's your cue, Cindy.
( Audience applauding )
Here I am, Mr. Elf.
I'm so glad.
Cindy's father explained
her very special problem.
So am I. I guess children
don't understand sometime
it's possible to bend the rules a bit.
( Audience applauding )
It was very nice of the children
to give this special performance.
It's been an exciting day, Cindy.
I'm glad you're going to bed early.
We thought you were
a very good fairy princess.
Maybe I can get a part in the next play.
I hope so, sweetheart.
Good night.
Good night, honey.
Oh, no!
What's the matter, sweetie?
If I get a part in the next play,
maybe I'll only get one ticket again.
Should I ask my mommy
or my daddy or what?
Good night, Cindy.
Good night, sweetie.