The 'Burbs (2026) s01e03 Episode Script

1
Okay. Walk with me on this.
Gary Wilson bought what is effectively
a rotting house.
According to insiders, there's a rumor
that Allison Grant's parents killed her
and buried her in the basement.
When I confronted Gary,
he said that his house had good bones.
Who says that?
If Gary bought this house
because he's a murder enthusiast
obsessed with the promise
of a dead girl's bones
or he murdered Allison
Grant 20 years ago.
Why the fuck do you
still have her phone?
Get rid of it.
Can I take a look at
those Hinkley hills heralds
we were talking about from march 2005?
No, I'm sorry. They're still not back.
There's fire. Follow my lead.
- What are you doing?
- I'm simply enjoying
a bonfire on my property
which you can't seem to stay off of.
That motherfu
Be a good girl, Darla.
I swear to god.
You have just taken your
last dump on my lawn, Darla.
Darla!
- Wow.
- She's trying.
She is stunning.
Look how good your genes are, miles.
You got a little wait a
minute. Lips is popping.
Auntie Lynn is here.
- Thank you.
- Wow.
Your first post-baby date.
You deserve this.
- We really do.
- Did you take a look
at the pdf that, Roy and I
spent hours making for you?
- All 12 pages
- Okay.
Including the emergency numbers
in case I forget 911.
Well, see? That's why we put it there.
But we won't need that, will we, miles?
No. And our first really nice time
is going to be a diaper change.
Yes.
Hey, she's got this.
- Come on.
- Yeah.
All right. Keys, phone, wife?
Let's go. Let's go.
Did I mention how gorgeous you look?
You had a little breast milk.
I get these titties all dressed up
and this is how they betray me.
Do you wanna go get
changed? We got time.
We have a 50-minute grace period.
We can't go now.
Do you know how long it
took me to get dressed?
This feels like a trick.
It is. Watch your mouth.
I was so looking forward to this.
Now I'm just gonna smell spoiled.
Hey, it's fine, honestly.
Giordano's Italian can wait.
I mean, if you wanted, we
can just send Lynn home,
get out of these clothes
and put on some shark tank.
You've got yourself a deal.
Good. Because my business is cannibal.
What are you doing down there?
Good bones
I told you the real
purpose for Gary's bonfire,
- didn't I?
- Yes.
But why would Gary Wilson
be burning library books?
No, no, not library books.
Newspapers he checked
out from the library
with an article about Allison Grant.
And last night while walking with miles,
I saw Darla in front of
Gary's house with a bone.
Huge bone. A human-sized bone, okay?
And remember the rumor
about Allison Grant's parents
burying her in the basement?
That's not a coincidence.
What what does Rob think of all this?
I haven't told him.
He wants me to drop the Gary stuff,
but I know there's something up.
I mean, you saw the way
he got pissed at Agnes
when she mentioned an inspector, okay?
He's hiding something in there.
Samira, I know what it's like.
You're a new mom.
Our hormones have evolved
to keep us in a hyper vigilant state.
And of course you want
to keep your baby safe.
I think that you little bitch!
If you dig out my azaleas, I swear to god!
Get out of here, you filthy, filthy mutt!
And don't come back
with your filthy poop
all over my flowers.
The next time I see you,
I'm calling animal control.
- Hi.
- Hey.
I don't wanna rush her. I just feel like
it would be good for her
to get out of the house.
Yeah, but I can't believe the geobros
was your first offer.
What are you gonna suggest
next? Chuck E. Cheese?
Dude, you gotta try drinkley's.
It's where it's where Hank's used to be.
But they got the best fucking flatbreads.
- I fucking love flatbreads.
- I know.
We used to be out all the time.
We used to be fun. I
wanna be fun together again.
- My god.
- What?
What the fuck?
My god. I'm weird.
You almost ate shit.
No, I didn't.
Nice ride, dude.
It's a quick trike and it goes really fast.
You wanna give it a spin, Robert?
I'm good. Thanks.
I didn't pack my lycra.
And you can call me Rob.
Interesting.
But Robert is your
government-issued name, no?
Given to you by your parents,
Beverly and Donovan Fisher?
Yes, that is my government-given name,
but no one's called me
that since high school,
so just Rob now.
An adult nickname.
- That's quaint.
- What's happening?
Yeah, dude. Do you
wanna explain yourself?
No, thank you.
Good day.
It goes fast forward, but backwards, it's
it's slower.
God.
- You need
- No.
Gentlemen.
Well, this has been one of the weirdest
- 20 seconds of my life.
- Yeah.
What was that about?
Nothing. Just a friendly
and productive conversation
between my fellow neighbors.
Nothing more, nothing less.
You never use that many syllables
unless you're up to something. Spill it.
I can either confirm nor deny.
Come on, you can trust me.
How's that knee feeling?
My knee?
Yeah. The other night in the woods
you were having trouble with your knee.
Yeah?
And now you're out on a brisk walk.
I guess it's feeling better.
Yeah. It's a chronic knee problem.
It comes and goes.
Is that something you'd
maybe wanna talk over
with a trained professional
or a very observant friend?
No.
I see.
Have a good day.
Darla! Darla?
Then Kendrick comes
back mere hours later
with a new song.
Then the next day,
released another song
and that immediately and definitely
crowned him the de facto Victor.
And so that's why you
don't get into a rap feud
with a pulitzer prize winner,
you know what I'm saying?
It don't make no sense.
Darla? Darla? Darla!
Darla! She's gone!
She's gone!
Darla!
Darla!
Darla!
Hello, Danny.
Hiya, Lynn. Sorry to bother.
We're just following up on a call
from a concerned neighbor.
Unhand my dog, you sniveling coward!
You mean, your mother-in-law?
I'm afraid that's confidential.
Agnes, how can you possibly think
I did something to
your beloved hellhound?
- You see?
- You see the vitriol?
Look. We both know
you didn't really do anything with the dog.
I mean, this is this is
crazy town usa, all right?
Totally. So, if you can just let me inside,
have a quick look around,
we can both get back
to playing call of duty.
- Sound good?
- No!
I knew it. Guilty! She's guilty!
Lynn, come on.
No!
- What do you mean no?
- You can't.
Why?
Did you kill the dog?
No.
But I know my rights.
And you need a warrant.
Don't be such a narc.
We'll be back with a warrant tomorrow.
We are gonna nail
your saggy little bottom.
Isn't that right, Daniel?
Yes, mother.
Hey, Siri, how do you get a warrant?
Like, obviously I know how
but can you tell me
anyway for fun? As a bit.
- Darla.
- Darla.
Goddamn it, Darla.
You're gonna have to be louder than that.
Darla!
The best money can buy.
Only a dog's ears can hear.
I'll bet Agnes faked this whole thing
just to get me sanctioned or
repatriated or some other bs.
Seriously, Lynn,
what what what is it
with you two and the drama?
She's jealous of me.
Always has been.
Marty and I used to have
the best parties on the block.
Agnes, being a joyless harridan
used to love shutting us down.
She blocked me from being in the hoa
out of jealous spite.
That woman will never
cease to bend a bylaw
to her own twisted liking.
In fact, if her dog is really missing,
and that is a very big "if," it's her fault.
Why hasn't Darla ever been written up
for running around without a leash?
Hoa rule 14, section 12.
It is in the statutes.
Hey, guys. Evidence spotted!
Dusty as fuck?
Darla Agnes festersen.
No, don't touch it.
It's right on your property line.
You might as well
get caught red-handed.
You know, there could
be a simple explanation.
Darla ran into the woods, picked a fight
with a posse of raccoons,
and is halfway to heaven.
Rip. Good riddance.
It's a gaze.
They're called a gaze of raccoons.
You know, it's also
on Gary's property line.
What if he took the dog?
Okay. I'm gonna go ahead and say it.
I saw Darla sniffing around
these doors multiple times.
What if he took Darla?
Agnes threatened him with the inspector,
and we already know
how he feels about people
looking around his house. Case in point.
What if this is his revenge on her?
What if Darla is in his house right now?
Well, if she is,
we have to go in there
and clear my good name.
Yes.
And save Darla.
- If she's not dead yet.
- She's probably dead.
Why would you say
something like that, tod?
She is not dead, okay?
And we're gonna do something now.
- That's right.
- Because no dog dies
- on my watch.
- Yeah.
That is a lesbian oath. We gotta go. Now.
Maybe we should
maybe we should invite ourselves over
for a neighborly visit, right?
Charm ourselves inside
and see if we can find Darla?
Yes. Tonight, we could go in
with that belated house
warming gift as cover.
And I have several bottles
of room-temperature
mediocre chardonnay
that I am happy to regift.
Really?
You had to know some time.
No, I like this plan.
Very Greek.
Hey, my love.
Hey, honey.
Daddy's home.
I'm ready for take two on date night.
Hey, little man.
Daddy's gonna get white girl wasted
on one voddie tea.
I'm sorry, babe, I can't.
I'm just so tired, you know.
I mean, all day with miles.
I'm barely standing up now.
No, I understand.
But you should go out, do something,
- see what naveen's up to?
- No, no.
- Yes, yes.
- I'll stay here with you two.
Come on, babe. I know how
much you've been dying to get out.
Yeah, I do. Ironed my best shirt.
I'm not wasting my farmagan on naveen.
You've been amazing and you deserve to
go and have some fun.
I guess I could go for like one tiny little
yes!
I'm not sure if naveen
is even gonna be
no. Naveen is free.
Ooh. I swear that guy's
in our walls or something.
Well, go. Have a good time.
- I mean it.
- Okay.
Daddy's gonna go get lit! I won't.
I'll just have one glass of
wine and then fall asleep.
This could backfire.
Yeah, but I wanna do this for you.
And Darla.
- See you soon.
- Be careful.
Hello?
Anyone home?
He's not home.
Why would he leave his
door open if he's not home?
Maybe we can check for him
in the back or the basement.
Or maybe he's washing his body.
Like taking a shower?
Yeah, whatever you
Why don't we pop in and find out?
You can't just break in, Samira!
From a legal standpoint,
we're not breaking in, okay?
We're walking into an unlocked house.
Yeah, but is that legal?
It's not a felony.
We have wine.
We'll announce ourselves.
Think about Darla.
Let's go then.
Hello?
Gary, it's your neighbors.
- It's your friendly neighbors
- Announcing ourselves.
And we wanted to
apologize for, our recent in
intrusive behavior. Not cool.
We also brought you four
bottles of the same wine.
Shit!
Probably just the draft.
This place gives me the heebie-jeebies.
I mean, it's it's all the same.
What do you mean?
The furniture.
It's all the same staging furniture
from the open house.
Gary didn't change one thing.
That's so odd.
If tod says it's odd,
- what do you think it means?
- I think it means
he's not planning on staying very long.
And maybe that's the
door to the basement.
Come on. Darla could be this way.
Darla? Here, girl.
Yep. I just peed a little.
He's here.
Psst.
Let's look for Darla elsewhere.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Wow.
This place is unrecognizable.
Too bad my house didn't
get the floors it used to be.
And that pinball machine
that they had over there in the corner.
Yeah, remember that thing
gave me a staph infection?
Dude, never forget.
Rip Hank's, man.
That place had a
certain unsanitary charm.
This is, dare I say, kind of hip.
Right? I mean, it sort of has that jubilant
and slightly horny energy like a local bar
on the night before Thanksgiving.
Yo, check it.
Glad that guy survived
the regime change.
You know he worked
for Hank for a few years?
- Yeah.
- Afrobeats in Hinkley hills?
Come on, man.
I wonder if they'd let
me do a dj residency.
You know, maybe this
place has genuinely changed.
Naveen the peen.
Spoke too soon.
Good old Benedict cumberbitch.
Still a classic.
You two lovebirds on a date?
And that cute little shirt. It's cute.
That's kind of homophobic, dude.
- Come on.
- Don't be such a snowflake.
- Mind if I join you?
- It's a two-top, so
Yeah, naveen has a staph infection.
Pull up a pew.
I freaking love this place.
It's my home away from home.
Don't get me wrong, I
love being with the fam,
but, as men, we gotta
be let off the leash,
you know? Biologically wired to wander.
That's just science.
Did you learn that from a podcast?
Yeah.
So, barbarella, how's dad life treating ya?
- Yeah. You know, it's
- it's a bit of a learning curve
- but we're figuring it out.
- I hear you.
Those first few months
after Ainsley was born
Lauren started secretly burning our mail.
All of it.
She thought it was
being laced with Anthrax.
- What? Really?
- Yeah, lost a lot
of good sports illustrated that year.
But hey, that's postpartum for you.
Shit is real.
Yeah. I mean, it it is.
You know, sometimes I wish I could just
crawl inside my wife's head.
That way I might know
what she needed from me.
Aww.
Don't feel bad. It's not your fault.
Women are complex, beautiful creatures,
evolutionarily designed
for resilience, okay?
Most men can't even
begin to comprehend
what childbirth does to a woman.
Yeah, that's wow.
Which is why you gotta lay down the law,
make 'em listen to reason.
Otherwise, those crazy bitches,
they're never gonna
stop burning the mail.
- You feel me?
- I like that less.
Almost had us in the first half.
All right. I got the next round.
What do you two ladies want?
Froses?
- Good stuff.
- Roasted!
I feel like I've been emotionally wedgied.
- Let's go check upstairs.
- What?
No. I think we should fuck the fuck off.
I I'm with tod. Fuck
the fuck off. Come on.
- We're already here.
- Let's go check for Darla.
You guys
Darla is not here, okay?
We we made a Valiant try
but we need to get out of here.
Who are you? Why
are you in my house?
Who are we? Who are you?
Betsy.
Betsy Wilson, Gary's wife.
Wife? He has a wife?
We are so sorry. This
is a misunderstanding.
We we're your neighbors.
Hello hello, neighbor.
Hi. I'm Samira.
Dana. Dana Richards.
Tod tod mann. One d, two ns.
We wanted to bring, a
gift by to welcome Gary
well, you both to the neighborhood.
The door the front front
front door was unlocked.
- It's not it's not a crime.
- Yeah.
But it is a security
breach and concerning.
That's right. So we knew
we needed to come in
and make sure that you were safe.
You said you brought a a gift?
Yes. We brought a bouquet of wine.
- Yes.
- For us to all share
together as Neighbors in fellowship.
- Get ready for the puns.
- We'll have a chardy party,
if you will.
Join us. It's chablis a grape time.
We were gonna bring red,
but we were like maybe Pinot, pi-not.
Pi we're working on that one.
After you.
After us.
You know, we we had no
idea that Gary was married,
'cause, you know, we
haven't seen you around.
Are you married?
Yes, very happily
married to my wife Julia.
Haven't seen her around much either.
Well, she's been away.
Cute picture. Is that your family?
It came with the frame.
So how did you and Gary meet?
Online.
Okay.
Been together a while?
- We're newlyweds.
- Yeah,
just like me and my
husband. We've been married
for eight months. City hall wedding.
We also have a
10-week-old. You do the math.
That's our story. What about you?
I'm not pregnant, if
that's what you're asking.
Same here.
You do the math and the science.
It's not gonna happen.
Unless I pay to do it in a
or informally with a friend.
Just stop, stop.
Whoa. The wine just hit me there.
You actually have anything to eat?
I might need something
to soak up the alcohol
before I stumble on home.
You want a snack?
Snacks. We love snacks.
Let me see what I can whip up.
- Thank you, Betsy.
- Yes.
I hope she makes burgers.
Shh. Don't tell anyone.
There you go.
What do we have here, Mr. Miles?
Should we see what Don's
investment portfolio is?
What's this?
2005?
"Robert chose a
proclivity towards violence."
Prone to outbursts
and antisocial behavior.
It's clear he doesn't have many friends.
"The patient's most
overwhelming emotion is rage."
Rob? Our Rob?
I mean, is it gauche to ask
for a promotion in this climate?
Megan's parents paid for the house
but it's still gonna be hard to live the brie
and jam on iberico lifestyle
that I'm accustomed to on one salary.
Hey, don't look now,
but I think you got a
little admirer over there
that is giving you some
serious pupil action.
What time?
10 o'clock.
Subtle.
That is not subtle.
She's not looking at me, dude.
- Yes, she is.
- No. She's not.
Hey, can you stop
being such a wet flannel?
I know the split's new
but this could be a good
opportunity for you
my gosh, she's coming
over. Okay. Act cool.
Do not talk about your djing.
Hi.
Dance hall, R&B, hip-hop, stuff like that.
I dj.
Sorry. Hi. What up?
I'm so sorry to interrupt.
We actually signed up for next game.
- Shoot.
- We totally stole your spot.
No, no, no, no. No rush. No rush.
I just wanted to let you
know that we're next.
And, I'm actually down
to play whoever wins.
Good thing my middle name is winner.
I was hoping for that.
I'm I'm Kate.
And sorry, what's your first name?
Naveen. You know what?
Let me clean this up and,
buy you a drink and we
can get a game going?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Okay. All right.
I think that is my cue to leave you to it.
- Maybe it is.
- You got this.
Quite the presentation.
Fancy.
Sardine.
Are you still hungry?
- Because if not, I should probably
- Yes.
Starving.
Right, guys? Aren't you?
Not me.
I'm trying to cut back.
On what?
Well, that's fine, because I love it.
It's great for breastfeeding, you know,
oily fish with all the omegas.
Slippery little sucker.
Yum, yum, yum, yum.
The little baby body.
Crunchy.
Creme de la creme.
Shit, I'll give it a try.
Whoa.
My hands are so oily.
Don't you hate when that happens?
Dana, you wanna come
to the bathroom with me
while I wash my hands?
I might need an extra set of hands.
Yes, I would be glad to.
And that way, I'll know
where the bathroom is
in case I have to go to the bathroom,
which I will because
I have a tiny bladder.
It's at the top of the stairs.
Great.
Kinda just slides right down.
Let's try the basement.
Are you sure it's this way?
No.
Dust in my throat.
You know, I should probably
go check on your friends.
You know, the paint in the library
is an interesting hue.
Is that pink or is it tea Rose or
I'd say it's more of a flesh.
The basement.
Darla?
After you.
Yeah.
Darla?
Darla?
Here, girl.
Darla.
My goodness.
She's really in there.
Darla?
What are you talking about?
It's the grave Of Allison Grant.
Quick. We don't have a lot of time.
Samira, what is going on?
Remember when I told
you Allison Grant's parents
killed her and buried
her in the basement?
Well, allegedly I thought, but yes.
Wait.
What about Darla?
Did you bring us here
under false pretenses?
We're still looking for Darla and Allison,
who I think Darla partially found
because I saw her the
other night with a bone
that she got from Gary's trash can.
Do you mean that Gary
might have killed that girl?
- Maybe.
- And then he killed Darla
because she knew too
much? She didn't ask for that.
She just went and
shit in someone's yard.
He did say the house had good bones.
Another meaning of the real estator.
That bastard bought
this house as a trophy
so he could bask in his terrible crime.
Exactly. And destroy the evidence,
anything he can get his hands on,
anything he can disinter.
Why didn't you tell us about any of this?
I didn't want you to think I'm crazy.
I need to prove it to myself.
I need to know I'm not losing my mind.
You believe me, don't you, Dana?
What do you think?
Proper form, soft elbows, bent knees.
20 years of topsoil and annual moisture.
The remains are likely skeletal
and they're probably in pieces,
so investigate all solid things.
Let's go.
So you chose not to add any new decor
or personal touches to to your home?
- Well, we
- we thought we'd finish,
fixing up the place.
Well, you're gonna need permits here,
you know, historical
landmark and what have you.
Why don't you go outside?
I'm allergic to the sun.
- Hey.
- Jesus.
Rob. You startled me.
Where's Samira?
I think I hit something.
- A bone?
- It's hard
And wet.
What?
Shit.
It's a pipe.
I like the wallpaper.
Do you see all the eyes,
all the eyes on the
wall looking back at us?
I've always seen the eyes.
I often think I'm the only one who
who sees the things I see.
How do you mean?
You know, a detail
but here we are, seeing the same thing.
She had to run errands.
What? Now? It's nearly 10 o'clock.
You're not angry, are you?
Hi.
- Damn, damn, damn!
- What are we gonna do?
Maybe we, put a bunch of dirt on top
- and see if it'll soak it all up?
- It's worth a try.
Let's do it.
Hi.
Okay. Good night.
She'll be back any minute.
- I I I know it.
- What the hell?
I just want you to know
that we all think of you
as a very kind, gentle,
even-keeled person.
Right, yeah. Okay. Good night, Lynn.
Well, thanks for stopping by, neighbors.
Let's not do this again soon.
And I'll send you a bill for the pipe.
Darla, my sweet baby!
He saved the dog!
Come here, baby. You, baby girl.
My baby, you're home.
Here's your favorite bone.
She was just wandering ashfield crest.
- Thank you so much.
- My hero!
You brought me my baby.
Thank you. Come on, baby girl.
Come on.
Come on.
Great. Now he's a hero.
A dog saved is a dog saved.
I I sense this somehow peeves you.
I guess you're off the hook now.
I guess I am.
Hey, I learned that I like sardines,
so, you know, win-win.
I'm gonna go soak my blisters.
Tod, come help me.
Coming.
Thanks for the wine!
I mean, put aside the
fact that you lied to me
about going out tonight,
you broke into the house of the guy.
There was no breaking, just entering.
Yeah, okay. Of a guy
who has already called the cops on you
and then you start
vandalizing his property.
- Why were you even in there?
- I was looking for Agnes's dog.
Agnes can look after her own dog.
For god's sakes, Samira.
This was so reckless
and dangerous and illegal.
He could've called
the cops on you again.
You could've been hurt.
But I'm okay. And he didn't.
I also feel like you're glossing over
this whole secret wife thing.
He has a woman stashed
in his house like a doll.
She's not the one breaking
into people's houses
- and ripping up their basements.
- You don't understand.
No, I I don't.
So help me. Please,
help me to understand.
Okay.
- Maybe it's not about the dog.
- What then?
I know I know something's wrong.
That guy is up to something
and I need you to believe me.
What do you think he's up to?
He's digging up Allison Grant's bones.
Samira, I've told you that is just a rumor.
Do you know what he was burning
in that bonfire the other night?
- Yeah, I don't. Logs.
- Newspapers.
Yeah, as kindling. That's
how people start fires.
Newspapers from 2005, Rob.
Newspapers about
her, about Allison Grant.
What? Why didn't you tell me this?
I was trying to find information online
and I couldn't.
And and I started digging.
He was burning
evidence about her death.
You you have to know that there is
enough! Okay? It was 20 years ago.
Her body isn't down there.
So just drop it.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm I'm just tired.
I'm sorry.
- Samira, I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
Consider it dropped.
So she thought the dead
girl's bones were down there?
I mean, I get the instinct.
The vibes radiating off
of Gary, I don't like him.
He's a kind of person that
you wanna hold your breath
when he walks by.
And if he called the cops on me,
man, I would hold that
grudge until the end of time.
Don't get me started on
the night gown lady in the house either.
In a way, she kind of reminds me of you.
What do you mean?
Well, just in that she
can't leave the house
and you don't leave the cul-de-sac.
Of course I leave the cul-de-sac.
No, you don't. I I would see it.
I mean, I I see everything.
It's just I
I like having clear boundaries set.
No surprises. I know what to expect.
And then, I don't worry, okay?
Agoraphobia is kind of at
odds with your rambunctious
live, laugh, love personality, no?
Yeah, well, people are complicated.
For example, I wouldn't
guess that adult Charlie brown
would be deeply into
avant-garde Japanese work wear,
but we all contain multitudes, don't we?
Okay. Showed you mine,
you gotta show me yours.
Show you my what?
Your big secret from yesterday.
- Come on.
- Well, I found a police report.
And?
Let's just say it's not Gary
that we need to be worried about.
It's Rob.
Where'd you go?
Just grabbing some water.