The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell (2018) s01e03 Episode Script
The Dinner Date
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES On the top of a dark and distant mountain, there is a beautiful and talented woman who uses her unique skills of banking, sculpting, and sewing to create delicious confections and hauntingly disturbing decor.
She finds beauty in the art of darkness with each creation, and shares them with us, the unusual creatures she has taken into her home.
Join us in her delightfully dark world.
Welcome to The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell.
Thank you for the wake-up crawl, Lucille.
You look beautiful today.
Oh, thank you, Christine.
[sighs.]
Good morning, Vivienne.
Good morning.
- What are your plans today? - [growls.]
I was thinking of going and visiting Grandma Louise and bringing her some treats later.
Which of these do you think? Of the two, I prefer the green.
You think? Are you going anywhere else? Millie's hinges are rusting.
I was thinking of swinging by the hardware store.
Ooh, a great place to meet a man.
Then might I suggest something a little more provocative? You mean men aren't throwing themselves at you when they see your exposed ankles? Rankle's being crude, but I admit that showing a little more couldn't hurt.
- Okay.
- [growls.]
Thank you.
What do you think of this? - Perfect.
- OK.
She's going to die alone.
I'd make a stole out of what's left of you if you weren't so cute, you little mummified mouser.
I'm not sure how much you'd have to work with.
Not much to work with.
I was worshiped as a god.
Rankle, would you come help me in the kitchen? See you soon, Viv.
Ta-ta! "Help me in the kitchen?" I can control time and space, but oh! Let me beat some eggs! Like many of you, my grandmother was the first person to show me around the kitchen.
Now that she's older and isn't able to bake quite as well as she used to, it feels wonderful to return the favor.
I think I shall assist you by protecting this surprisingly luxurious tablecloth.
I'm just gonna sit here.
WOLF CLAW DONUTS Donuts were always her very favorite Sunday morning treat.
And today, I'm going to be bringing her my very favorite kind.
Stencils and molds aren't really my favorite thing to do if someone else made them.
Which is why I always try to always make my own.
So, I've drawn out of shape that I like and I'm ready to cut it out.
Using a heavy card stock is very useful at this point.
Perfect.
I'm using a brioche donut dough to create cute little wolf paws.
I'm adding a little flour to keep the brioche dough from sticking.
Once you've rolled out your dough, use a sharp knife or a razor and cut around the wolf paw stencil.
So, I'm gonna continue cutting these out until have as many as I like, probably a baker's dozen.
and then I'll be putting them on a cool cookie sheet, covering them with a damp cloth and allowing them to rise until they've doubled in size.
Mmm.
I like my wolf paw donuts to have a good amount of hair on the back of them.
So, what I've done is prepared some dark modeling chocolate, and I'll be shaving it with a cheese grater to create this fine hair that will be adhering to the back of the donuts.
I think the dough that I rolled out earlier should have risen to just the right height, and is ready for the fryer.
I've heated the oil to about 375 degrees.
They take about three minutes to cook on one side, and then you flip them over and cook for another two minutes.
We'll let these cool, and then they're ready to decorate.
Piping and flooding is essentially two different consistencies of royal icing.
One is firmer and one is more in a liquid state.
So, you pipe a pretty solid border with the firm royal icing around the edge, and then you flood it with the one that is more of a liquid state.
The piping keeps the flooding from dripping over the edge of the donut.
Continue filling in until the entire paw is covered with frosting.
And the nice thing is you don't have to wait before you start adhering the fur.
This is the perfect time.
Now, don't be afraid to make these wolf paws really hairy.
Be as generous as you can with the shavings.
So, the nails for these are actually going to be made out of sculpted almonds, using a Dremel tool.
Taking the almond lengthwise like this.
You have to hold it delicately or else it'll fly right out of your hand.
What you end up with is something that looks pretty darn close to a small canine claw.
Oh, clever girl! So, I'm using a sculpting tool to punch out a couple little divots to insert my claws into.
So then, you should be able to just gently insert.
And there you have a nice and terrifying little wolf paw donut.
So, that's how you do it! Yummy! [smacks lips.]
So, I've included a pair of knitting needles and a book of crosswords, CROSSWORDS So, Grandma will have something to do.
It's the little touches in a gift that make it so much more special.
[growls.]
Brandy! Great thinking, Millie.
She'll need something to wash down these donuts.
Brandy makes me feel randy! Now we just need the picnic blanket.
Rankle? - What? This? But I'm so comfortable! - Come on.
- No.
Wait, what? - [hisses.]
- [laughs.]
- [groans.]
You are going to pay dearly for that later.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Well, I'm off to Grandmother's.
I want you two to be civil to each other while I'm gone.
- Okay.
- All right.
I'm going to give you to the count of five to make your escape, and then I shall let the garbage disposal finish what it started with your hand.
Christine! So, Bernard just loves our new postwoman.
They've been jogging together every morning.
She drops off the mail, he chases her down the street.
It's delightful.
MILDRED LOUISE McCONNELL BELOVED MOTHER, GRANDMOTHER AND GHOUL Oh, you want another one? [sighs.]
I'm so happy like these! There you go.
You know, to be honest, I was a little worried when you first came here that you'd be lonely, and I'm so happy to hear you been getting along so well with your neighbors.
Hello.
Hello.
Grandma! And I just said hello back and he told me his name was Norman.
Sounds like fate to me.
Well, he asked me out on a date, but I offered to bring him back here, so he could meet all of you.
Hold on! You invited a stranger here whom you met at a graveyard? Well, yes, he was there visiting his grandmother.
So, you know he's family-oriented.
What if the grandmother line was really just a big lie, and he was really out there scouting out places to bury the pretty, young, naive women he asks out and kills? Well then I would think him very clever.
Well I think this is a terrible idea.
You and Rose have the worst taste in men.
Speaking of Rose, where is she? Uhh Out.
So, what are you gonna make him? Well, it's been ages since we've had a proper meal around here, and I think I have an exciting idea.
Ooh, get rid of Rose once and for all? Rankle? Oh.
You were still talking about the dinner.
Apologies.
I was thinking something classic.
They say the fastest way to a man's heart is a power saw.
[grinding.]
But a delicious meal can accomplish the same thing.
[sighs.]
What is that? Nothing.
Nothing.
Do complete your fascinating anecdote.
Uhh [gasps.]
Rose! [panting.]
Rankle and Edgar tried to shove me down the drain, and that didn't work, so they suffocated me! She'd be halfway to the ocean by now if the garbage disposal hadn't become impossibly clogged with all her matted hair.
He made me do it.
You know what? Snitches get gutted and sacrificed to Anubis.
- That doesn't rhyme.
- Well, it did in the original Egyptian.
Oh my god, you two! [sighs.]
Almost.
Almost.
Okay, you're good.
[gasping.]
I think you're okay.
Just go upstairs, clean up, and you can help me set the table for dinner.
Fine! I'll just do more work around here! I'm surrounded by savages! I will remember this! You will rue the day! CHICKEN POT PIE Preparing dinner for someone new can be a daunting task, which is why today I'm doing something simple and classic: chicken pot pie.
So, the first step is to make your chicken pot pie inside a nice, deep pastry dish.
There are so many things that can go into a chicken pot pie.
Today, we're using broccoli, carrots, chicken, peas, and potatoes, but you can use whatever you'd like.
So, once I fill in all the ingredients I want, I'm going to build up a nice dome of pie crust, coat it in mashed potatoes, and then insert a bunch of hand-cut chicken feathers made of pastry pie crust.
And for a real-life chicken appearance, I've created this beautifully crispy chicken head, using the other half of the pie dough.
While the pot pie bakes, I'll get started on making the feathers.
To make the feathers, I'm going to take my favorite pie crust, and roll it out.
The trick to the perfect pie crust is keeping all of your ingredients extremely cold before baking.
And that just prevents the oils from bleeding into each other, and it keeps the layers nice and flaky.
and now we're ready to cut out those feather shapes, using a blade or a paring knife.
Now using the back of your blade.
and we're just going to be doing a wide variety of these in different sizes, to give us as much dimension and texture.
Once you put an egg wash on these and toast them in the oven, the scoring that you're doing right now will cause a beautiful pattern to arise from the dough.
So, I laid all of these on a parchment-lined cookie sheet and baked them off at three-twenty-five for about fifteen minutes.
[oven dings.]
Once the crust of the pot pie is golden brown, it's time to take it out of the oven.
[Edgar.]
Oh, smells good.
[slurps.]
So, what we have here is a large chicken pot pie that I've let cool for about 30 minutes and covered with mashed potatoes.
Now, I'm going to finish applying that final layer, which I will then start inserting my feathers into.
All this for a fella you don't even know? Yes, and there's still plenty more to do.
Hmm.
All right, I think we're ready to start applying our decorations.
First, I'll place the head I made out of the same pie crust, and then I'll add the feathers.
I'll start with the big ones and gradually start using smaller and smaller ones, leaving space for the wings and tail that I will add later.
God! This is more fun than I expected! I can't remember the last time we had a normal meal around here.
You think this meal is normal? Clearly, you have questionable judgement.
Do you think I've gone too far? - Yes! - Yes! Well I like it.
And I'll finish whatever he doesn't eat.
You're so sweet.
Okay, well I think I need to go get that dress made, and I'll just finish this up later.
Ooh, can't wait to see how big the sleeves are all this one! You little jerk.
So, I think I'm gonna take both of your advice and get a little daring with this one.
Finally.
We'll see.
I could go with either the black crepe, or I was thinking maybe this red would go better with the table setting.
As much as I love black, I think for this evening, red'll seal the deal.
I'm beginning to think you're taking my criticism too far.
This fabric is very flashy, and if he likes it too much, he may never leave.
That's the idea, honey.
Yeah! - Ahh.
- [hiss.]
Oh, my spine! And before you get any bright ideas, just know I'll euthanize you before I let anybody shove me in a cabinet again! I like the red.
EVENING DRESS Teaching yourself how to sew can seem really intimidating, but if you figure out some of the basics, it's a little more manageable than you might think.
So, this old, tattered dress essentially became my first pattern.
I knew the fit was great, so I dismantled it, duplicated the pattern, and it was a great building block.
Making a pattern for a dress from scratch can be just as easy.
No woman's too fond of sharing her measurements, but since it's just us, I should show you how it's done.
So, you start with your waist.
Let's see And then your hips, and your hips are going to be the widest point, basically, so just look and try to feel where your hip bone is.
And that should do it.
And then, you want to measure from your waist to your calf.
And essentially, this is gonna be the length of how long you want it.
and you always want to err on going a little bit more, because you can always dial it back, but you can't recreate fabric once you've cut it.
So, now that you have these basics, the bottom of this dress is essentially five rectangles, nipped and trimmed here and there.
We have our center panel, our two side panels, and our two back panels.
So, before we begin assembling our pieces, we're going to cut a couple quick darts into the back panel.
So, a dart is what takes fabric from being two-dimensional to three dimensional.
Cutting on a divot like that, once you sew it together, creates a curve to the fabric that will make it grab your figure in a really flattering way.
All right, I think we're ready for the sewing machine.
So, here I'm bringing together a dart, so it's obviously, it's just a split.
You're gonna fold that over, with the inside facing out.
Lay it down nice and smooth.
And so you always want to go down past the point that you cut.
And then, when you fold the fabric out, you have this beautiful seam that's going to grab your figure.
The darts in this dress are critical for that feminine shape that you see in the silhouette in the back.
Did you use a sewing machine on me? No.
You're hand-sewn.
- Oh! That makes me couture.
- Sure! Don't forget to thread the bobbin.
Oh, I will thread the bobbin.
Would you cut this thread for me? - Thanks! - You're welcome.
So, joining the two pieces together is the fun part.
Start my sewing a side panel to the front panel.
Always make sure to leave at least a half inch seam, and when your sewing two pieces together, you just want to keep the lines straight, so the two pieces come together seamlessly.
And slowly but surely, your dress will begin to take shape.
Once all the bottom panels are sewn together, you can use other dress patterns and push yourself to make the bodice, neckline, and sleeves to make your very own date night dress.
You know, now that I think of it, I don't know why you're going through all this trouble for a man.
I don't wear anything at all, and the beaus come running.
She does have a point.
- Now, if only she had a figure.
- Shut up, jerk! All right, I think he should be here any minute, and this is all done.
I can't wait to meet Norman.
I really want you guys to be on your best behavior.
So no gagging, binding, licking, or handcuffs at the dinner table.
- Is that understood? - Me? I'll be a perfect little angel.
Oh, perfect angels don't eat feces.
She has her furry little fingers crossed.
Thanks, Vivienne.
Behave, please.
- [doorbell rings.]
- I'll get it! Don't worry, everybody.
I got the door.
Well! Hey there, big fella! I'll get it! Is Christine home? Pardon Edgar.
He likes to sniff out new guests.
I'm glad I showered.
You look stunning.
Why, thank you, Norman.
You look very dapper yourself.
Ah, thanks.
I know you said not to bring anything, but Well, these are for you.
[gasps.]
That was very sweet of you.
Hey, Rose! Rose, you smell that? Yeah.
He's all man, and he's all mine.
Boop! You know, I'm just finishing setting up in the dining room.
Would you like to go have a seat? I made something special.
I had a feeling you were the creative type.
Oh, I dabble a little bit.
See you in a minute.
[growls.]
[sniffs.]
What about you Edgar? What about you, huh? You wanna go to the dining room? Huh? Yeah, you do! I like tickles, too! [laughs.]
You could tickle me! Fine! Let's just go to the dining room! Wow! Ooh, strong biceps, huge hands.
Useful for strangling people, I gather.
These look like strangling hands? - Are you asking, or confessing? - I - [laughs.]
- Well Well, hello again.
[sniffs.]
So, does anyone else smell that? Oh, yes, it's Rose and she's disgusting.
Christine never told me how handsome you are.
Oh! Well I'd keep my distance from Rose if I were you.
Her last date had to be quarantined due to an aggressive strain of ringworm she harbors.
Yeah.
It's resistance antibiotics.
Dinner's ready.
- Oh! - Wow! Well.
Ooh! Sorry.
That is spectacular.
[Rose.]
Oh, yummy! [smacks lips.]
Where Where's Edgar? Edgar, come out of that corner, come have a seat at the table.
[growls.]
Okay.
But he smells weird.
Bon appétit.
Well, I have to admit, I have never quite seen a spread like this before.
Well, I hope you like it.
- May I? - Please.
[gagging.]
Oh my god, Rankle! Off the table.
[gagging.]
- God, that feels better! - If I've told her once, I've told her a thousand times, you can have animals at the table.
Now, may I lick your plate, please? Well, I'm afraid that I have to disagree with Rankle's assessment.
Hmm I thought it was the best meal I ever tasted.
- Really? - Oh, really.
And I know this, because I finished my plate.
And I don't usually care for the savory stuff.
More of a sweets guy.
Someone's really laying it on thick.
We all see you, Norman.
We all see you.
Oh, yeah.
I was a chubby kid, and I probably would have stayed that way if I hadn't grown like a beanstalk.
Candy, pie, you name it.
I love it.
Well, you've come to the right place.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go use the toilet.
That's why, when I saw you at the gravesite, I noticed your donuts first, and then I noticed you.
- I hope that doesn't offend you.
- Offend? That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
[groans.]
I'd vomit again if I could.
Rose, if you pull that, I swear to the Pharaohs, you will die screaming in agony, your body flayed beyond recognition! They're adorable! - You think so, too? - Oh, sure, in their own way.
Not as adorable as you.
Gee, it's getting late.
Thank you for a wonderful evening and a super dinner.
I had a swell time.
I'm so glad you came.
If I'm being honest, some of them thought, because we met at a graveyard, that you might turn out to be a murderous psychopath.
Isn't that funny? Yeah.
Not that that would turn me off.
[sniffing.]
Does no one else smell fresh blood? [howls.]
She finds beauty in the art of darkness with each creation, and shares them with us, the unusual creatures she has taken into her home.
Join us in her delightfully dark world.
Welcome to The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell.
Thank you for the wake-up crawl, Lucille.
You look beautiful today.
Oh, thank you, Christine.
[sighs.]
Good morning, Vivienne.
Good morning.
- What are your plans today? - [growls.]
I was thinking of going and visiting Grandma Louise and bringing her some treats later.
Which of these do you think? Of the two, I prefer the green.
You think? Are you going anywhere else? Millie's hinges are rusting.
I was thinking of swinging by the hardware store.
Ooh, a great place to meet a man.
Then might I suggest something a little more provocative? You mean men aren't throwing themselves at you when they see your exposed ankles? Rankle's being crude, but I admit that showing a little more couldn't hurt.
- Okay.
- [growls.]
Thank you.
What do you think of this? - Perfect.
- OK.
She's going to die alone.
I'd make a stole out of what's left of you if you weren't so cute, you little mummified mouser.
I'm not sure how much you'd have to work with.
Not much to work with.
I was worshiped as a god.
Rankle, would you come help me in the kitchen? See you soon, Viv.
Ta-ta! "Help me in the kitchen?" I can control time and space, but oh! Let me beat some eggs! Like many of you, my grandmother was the first person to show me around the kitchen.
Now that she's older and isn't able to bake quite as well as she used to, it feels wonderful to return the favor.
I think I shall assist you by protecting this surprisingly luxurious tablecloth.
I'm just gonna sit here.
WOLF CLAW DONUTS Donuts were always her very favorite Sunday morning treat.
And today, I'm going to be bringing her my very favorite kind.
Stencils and molds aren't really my favorite thing to do if someone else made them.
Which is why I always try to always make my own.
So, I've drawn out of shape that I like and I'm ready to cut it out.
Using a heavy card stock is very useful at this point.
Perfect.
I'm using a brioche donut dough to create cute little wolf paws.
I'm adding a little flour to keep the brioche dough from sticking.
Once you've rolled out your dough, use a sharp knife or a razor and cut around the wolf paw stencil.
So, I'm gonna continue cutting these out until have as many as I like, probably a baker's dozen.
and then I'll be putting them on a cool cookie sheet, covering them with a damp cloth and allowing them to rise until they've doubled in size.
Mmm.
I like my wolf paw donuts to have a good amount of hair on the back of them.
So, what I've done is prepared some dark modeling chocolate, and I'll be shaving it with a cheese grater to create this fine hair that will be adhering to the back of the donuts.
I think the dough that I rolled out earlier should have risen to just the right height, and is ready for the fryer.
I've heated the oil to about 375 degrees.
They take about three minutes to cook on one side, and then you flip them over and cook for another two minutes.
We'll let these cool, and then they're ready to decorate.
Piping and flooding is essentially two different consistencies of royal icing.
One is firmer and one is more in a liquid state.
So, you pipe a pretty solid border with the firm royal icing around the edge, and then you flood it with the one that is more of a liquid state.
The piping keeps the flooding from dripping over the edge of the donut.
Continue filling in until the entire paw is covered with frosting.
And the nice thing is you don't have to wait before you start adhering the fur.
This is the perfect time.
Now, don't be afraid to make these wolf paws really hairy.
Be as generous as you can with the shavings.
So, the nails for these are actually going to be made out of sculpted almonds, using a Dremel tool.
Taking the almond lengthwise like this.
You have to hold it delicately or else it'll fly right out of your hand.
What you end up with is something that looks pretty darn close to a small canine claw.
Oh, clever girl! So, I'm using a sculpting tool to punch out a couple little divots to insert my claws into.
So then, you should be able to just gently insert.
And there you have a nice and terrifying little wolf paw donut.
So, that's how you do it! Yummy! [smacks lips.]
So, I've included a pair of knitting needles and a book of crosswords, CROSSWORDS So, Grandma will have something to do.
It's the little touches in a gift that make it so much more special.
[growls.]
Brandy! Great thinking, Millie.
She'll need something to wash down these donuts.
Brandy makes me feel randy! Now we just need the picnic blanket.
Rankle? - What? This? But I'm so comfortable! - Come on.
- No.
Wait, what? - [hisses.]
- [laughs.]
- [groans.]
You are going to pay dearly for that later.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Well, I'm off to Grandmother's.
I want you two to be civil to each other while I'm gone.
- Okay.
- All right.
I'm going to give you to the count of five to make your escape, and then I shall let the garbage disposal finish what it started with your hand.
Christine! So, Bernard just loves our new postwoman.
They've been jogging together every morning.
She drops off the mail, he chases her down the street.
It's delightful.
MILDRED LOUISE McCONNELL BELOVED MOTHER, GRANDMOTHER AND GHOUL Oh, you want another one? [sighs.]
I'm so happy like these! There you go.
You know, to be honest, I was a little worried when you first came here that you'd be lonely, and I'm so happy to hear you been getting along so well with your neighbors.
Hello.
Hello.
Grandma! And I just said hello back and he told me his name was Norman.
Sounds like fate to me.
Well, he asked me out on a date, but I offered to bring him back here, so he could meet all of you.
Hold on! You invited a stranger here whom you met at a graveyard? Well, yes, he was there visiting his grandmother.
So, you know he's family-oriented.
What if the grandmother line was really just a big lie, and he was really out there scouting out places to bury the pretty, young, naive women he asks out and kills? Well then I would think him very clever.
Well I think this is a terrible idea.
You and Rose have the worst taste in men.
Speaking of Rose, where is she? Uhh Out.
So, what are you gonna make him? Well, it's been ages since we've had a proper meal around here, and I think I have an exciting idea.
Ooh, get rid of Rose once and for all? Rankle? Oh.
You were still talking about the dinner.
Apologies.
I was thinking something classic.
They say the fastest way to a man's heart is a power saw.
[grinding.]
But a delicious meal can accomplish the same thing.
[sighs.]
What is that? Nothing.
Nothing.
Do complete your fascinating anecdote.
Uhh [gasps.]
Rose! [panting.]
Rankle and Edgar tried to shove me down the drain, and that didn't work, so they suffocated me! She'd be halfway to the ocean by now if the garbage disposal hadn't become impossibly clogged with all her matted hair.
He made me do it.
You know what? Snitches get gutted and sacrificed to Anubis.
- That doesn't rhyme.
- Well, it did in the original Egyptian.
Oh my god, you two! [sighs.]
Almost.
Almost.
Okay, you're good.
[gasping.]
I think you're okay.
Just go upstairs, clean up, and you can help me set the table for dinner.
Fine! I'll just do more work around here! I'm surrounded by savages! I will remember this! You will rue the day! CHICKEN POT PIE Preparing dinner for someone new can be a daunting task, which is why today I'm doing something simple and classic: chicken pot pie.
So, the first step is to make your chicken pot pie inside a nice, deep pastry dish.
There are so many things that can go into a chicken pot pie.
Today, we're using broccoli, carrots, chicken, peas, and potatoes, but you can use whatever you'd like.
So, once I fill in all the ingredients I want, I'm going to build up a nice dome of pie crust, coat it in mashed potatoes, and then insert a bunch of hand-cut chicken feathers made of pastry pie crust.
And for a real-life chicken appearance, I've created this beautifully crispy chicken head, using the other half of the pie dough.
While the pot pie bakes, I'll get started on making the feathers.
To make the feathers, I'm going to take my favorite pie crust, and roll it out.
The trick to the perfect pie crust is keeping all of your ingredients extremely cold before baking.
And that just prevents the oils from bleeding into each other, and it keeps the layers nice and flaky.
and now we're ready to cut out those feather shapes, using a blade or a paring knife.
Now using the back of your blade.
and we're just going to be doing a wide variety of these in different sizes, to give us as much dimension and texture.
Once you put an egg wash on these and toast them in the oven, the scoring that you're doing right now will cause a beautiful pattern to arise from the dough.
So, I laid all of these on a parchment-lined cookie sheet and baked them off at three-twenty-five for about fifteen minutes.
[oven dings.]
Once the crust of the pot pie is golden brown, it's time to take it out of the oven.
[Edgar.]
Oh, smells good.
[slurps.]
So, what we have here is a large chicken pot pie that I've let cool for about 30 minutes and covered with mashed potatoes.
Now, I'm going to finish applying that final layer, which I will then start inserting my feathers into.
All this for a fella you don't even know? Yes, and there's still plenty more to do.
Hmm.
All right, I think we're ready to start applying our decorations.
First, I'll place the head I made out of the same pie crust, and then I'll add the feathers.
I'll start with the big ones and gradually start using smaller and smaller ones, leaving space for the wings and tail that I will add later.
God! This is more fun than I expected! I can't remember the last time we had a normal meal around here.
You think this meal is normal? Clearly, you have questionable judgement.
Do you think I've gone too far? - Yes! - Yes! Well I like it.
And I'll finish whatever he doesn't eat.
You're so sweet.
Okay, well I think I need to go get that dress made, and I'll just finish this up later.
Ooh, can't wait to see how big the sleeves are all this one! You little jerk.
So, I think I'm gonna take both of your advice and get a little daring with this one.
Finally.
We'll see.
I could go with either the black crepe, or I was thinking maybe this red would go better with the table setting.
As much as I love black, I think for this evening, red'll seal the deal.
I'm beginning to think you're taking my criticism too far.
This fabric is very flashy, and if he likes it too much, he may never leave.
That's the idea, honey.
Yeah! - Ahh.
- [hiss.]
Oh, my spine! And before you get any bright ideas, just know I'll euthanize you before I let anybody shove me in a cabinet again! I like the red.
EVENING DRESS Teaching yourself how to sew can seem really intimidating, but if you figure out some of the basics, it's a little more manageable than you might think.
So, this old, tattered dress essentially became my first pattern.
I knew the fit was great, so I dismantled it, duplicated the pattern, and it was a great building block.
Making a pattern for a dress from scratch can be just as easy.
No woman's too fond of sharing her measurements, but since it's just us, I should show you how it's done.
So, you start with your waist.
Let's see And then your hips, and your hips are going to be the widest point, basically, so just look and try to feel where your hip bone is.
And that should do it.
And then, you want to measure from your waist to your calf.
And essentially, this is gonna be the length of how long you want it.
and you always want to err on going a little bit more, because you can always dial it back, but you can't recreate fabric once you've cut it.
So, now that you have these basics, the bottom of this dress is essentially five rectangles, nipped and trimmed here and there.
We have our center panel, our two side panels, and our two back panels.
So, before we begin assembling our pieces, we're going to cut a couple quick darts into the back panel.
So, a dart is what takes fabric from being two-dimensional to three dimensional.
Cutting on a divot like that, once you sew it together, creates a curve to the fabric that will make it grab your figure in a really flattering way.
All right, I think we're ready for the sewing machine.
So, here I'm bringing together a dart, so it's obviously, it's just a split.
You're gonna fold that over, with the inside facing out.
Lay it down nice and smooth.
And so you always want to go down past the point that you cut.
And then, when you fold the fabric out, you have this beautiful seam that's going to grab your figure.
The darts in this dress are critical for that feminine shape that you see in the silhouette in the back.
Did you use a sewing machine on me? No.
You're hand-sewn.
- Oh! That makes me couture.
- Sure! Don't forget to thread the bobbin.
Oh, I will thread the bobbin.
Would you cut this thread for me? - Thanks! - You're welcome.
So, joining the two pieces together is the fun part.
Start my sewing a side panel to the front panel.
Always make sure to leave at least a half inch seam, and when your sewing two pieces together, you just want to keep the lines straight, so the two pieces come together seamlessly.
And slowly but surely, your dress will begin to take shape.
Once all the bottom panels are sewn together, you can use other dress patterns and push yourself to make the bodice, neckline, and sleeves to make your very own date night dress.
You know, now that I think of it, I don't know why you're going through all this trouble for a man.
I don't wear anything at all, and the beaus come running.
She does have a point.
- Now, if only she had a figure.
- Shut up, jerk! All right, I think he should be here any minute, and this is all done.
I can't wait to meet Norman.
I really want you guys to be on your best behavior.
So no gagging, binding, licking, or handcuffs at the dinner table.
- Is that understood? - Me? I'll be a perfect little angel.
Oh, perfect angels don't eat feces.
She has her furry little fingers crossed.
Thanks, Vivienne.
Behave, please.
- [doorbell rings.]
- I'll get it! Don't worry, everybody.
I got the door.
Well! Hey there, big fella! I'll get it! Is Christine home? Pardon Edgar.
He likes to sniff out new guests.
I'm glad I showered.
You look stunning.
Why, thank you, Norman.
You look very dapper yourself.
Ah, thanks.
I know you said not to bring anything, but Well, these are for you.
[gasps.]
That was very sweet of you.
Hey, Rose! Rose, you smell that? Yeah.
He's all man, and he's all mine.
Boop! You know, I'm just finishing setting up in the dining room.
Would you like to go have a seat? I made something special.
I had a feeling you were the creative type.
Oh, I dabble a little bit.
See you in a minute.
[growls.]
[sniffs.]
What about you Edgar? What about you, huh? You wanna go to the dining room? Huh? Yeah, you do! I like tickles, too! [laughs.]
You could tickle me! Fine! Let's just go to the dining room! Wow! Ooh, strong biceps, huge hands.
Useful for strangling people, I gather.
These look like strangling hands? - Are you asking, or confessing? - I - [laughs.]
- Well Well, hello again.
[sniffs.]
So, does anyone else smell that? Oh, yes, it's Rose and she's disgusting.
Christine never told me how handsome you are.
Oh! Well I'd keep my distance from Rose if I were you.
Her last date had to be quarantined due to an aggressive strain of ringworm she harbors.
Yeah.
It's resistance antibiotics.
Dinner's ready.
- Oh! - Wow! Well.
Ooh! Sorry.
That is spectacular.
[Rose.]
Oh, yummy! [smacks lips.]
Where Where's Edgar? Edgar, come out of that corner, come have a seat at the table.
[growls.]
Okay.
But he smells weird.
Bon appétit.
Well, I have to admit, I have never quite seen a spread like this before.
Well, I hope you like it.
- May I? - Please.
[gagging.]
Oh my god, Rankle! Off the table.
[gagging.]
- God, that feels better! - If I've told her once, I've told her a thousand times, you can have animals at the table.
Now, may I lick your plate, please? Well, I'm afraid that I have to disagree with Rankle's assessment.
Hmm I thought it was the best meal I ever tasted.
- Really? - Oh, really.
And I know this, because I finished my plate.
And I don't usually care for the savory stuff.
More of a sweets guy.
Someone's really laying it on thick.
We all see you, Norman.
We all see you.
Oh, yeah.
I was a chubby kid, and I probably would have stayed that way if I hadn't grown like a beanstalk.
Candy, pie, you name it.
I love it.
Well, you've come to the right place.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go use the toilet.
That's why, when I saw you at the gravesite, I noticed your donuts first, and then I noticed you.
- I hope that doesn't offend you.
- Offend? That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
[groans.]
I'd vomit again if I could.
Rose, if you pull that, I swear to the Pharaohs, you will die screaming in agony, your body flayed beyond recognition! They're adorable! - You think so, too? - Oh, sure, in their own way.
Not as adorable as you.
Gee, it's getting late.
Thank you for a wonderful evening and a super dinner.
I had a swell time.
I'm so glad you came.
If I'm being honest, some of them thought, because we met at a graveyard, that you might turn out to be a murderous psychopath.
Isn't that funny? Yeah.
Not that that would turn me off.
[sniffing.]
Does no one else smell fresh blood? [howls.]