The Dana Carvey Show (1996) s01e03 Episode Script
The Mountain Dew Dana Carvey Show
1
And the winner for best picture is
Braveheart.
What?
That is fing bulls.
I don't believe it.
I am leaving.
Kiss my ass, Oscar.
From the ABC Broadcast Center
in New York, it's the Mountain
Dew Dana Carvey Show
with special guest Bill Hartman.
Hear all the ingredients, all the ingredients,
all the ingredients of Mountain Dew.
And we've got all the ingredients of a
great show for you.
I'm citric acid.
I'm high fructose corn syrup.
I'm sodium benzoate.
I'm concentrated orange juice.
I'm gum arabic.
And I'm yellow five.
It's time to make some dew, so we gotta
go.
But first, here's the host of the show,
Dana Carvey.
Where
are you sitting?
Wow, that was pretty nice.
A lot of people got off on that one.
Uh-oh, got off, 9.30.
Can't say it.
All right, well.
One, two.
Okay, questions.
Anybody?
About this program.
This is where we open it up to you folks.
Yes, sir, right there.
I had a question, but it wasn't about this
program.
Um, okay.
I'll try.
Now that you're, like, rich and famous,
do you still ride the subway system?
Um, I don't know what the subway is.
I ride on a little velvet pillow.
No, I'm down there because I enjoy urine.
Thank you very much.
Thank you for it.
Yes, sir.
In Wayne's World, you were, you,
uh, played a couple drums.
Could you, uh, go up there and jam now?
Um
Uh, this was not planned.
I'm up here.
The booth is going crazy.
I'll try to do a little something.
Oh, this is not Okay, sorry.
All right.
This audience
This audience is so nice.
We'll take your calls in a minute.
Right now, we're back with Ross Perot.
Ross.
Hi, Larry.
Set us straight.
Are you running for president?
No, no.
See, now this is not about me,
see?
I'm trying to find a candidate for my new
reform party.
Why are you making this about me,
Larry?
All right, all right.
My reform
Thank you.
Now, my reform party's gonna have a
convention.
And if the volunteers want me,
that's fine.
But see, Larry, this is not about me.
It's about the American people,
plain and simple.
But it's your party, so aren't you gonna
be the candidate?
See?
Now, Larry, why do you make assumptions?
That's just propaganda.
Now, we're gonna have all kinds of
candidates.
It'll all just be one.
We're gonna have regular American folks
running for president.
We're gonna have all kinds.
Midgets, crack whores, everything you can
think of.
So you're not running for president?
This is not about me, Larry.
Why are you making this about me?
Well, Ross, what about this commercial
that aired last week?
Vote for me.
I'm Ross Perot.
I'm running for president.
Vote for me, please.
Would you vote for me?
Please, please, please vote for me.
Me, me.
Now, see.
How about it?
How about it?
See, now that is a distortion.
Why are you misleading the American
people?
Well, you appear from that to be running
for president.
And you appear to be a bullfrog.
But I don't come here and say to your staff
member, is Froggy ready to talk to me?
I say, is Larry ready to talk?
See, if I got you a gift, I'd bring you
candy.
I wouldn't bring you a bowl full of flies.
I don't see the need to be derogatory.
And I don't see the need for you to have a
10-foot tongue to catch insects with.
Do you have one, Froggy?
Stick it on out there.
Let me see it.
I don't.
I don't.
And I'm not running for president.
But you will be one of the candidates.
Now, Larry, this is just so sad.
This is not about me.
I am so sick and tired of hearing this
nonsense.
No, but you came here to announce that you
have a reformed party.
And one would assume that you would be the
candidate.
Ross.
Ross!
All right.
All right.
What about this clip?
You paid the cast of
Ellen a million dollars to
mention your name 40
times in last week's episode.
What?
Roll it.
Hey, what's wrong, Paige?
Well, I think it's gonna rain tomorrow and
my day will be ruined.
Oh, well, that's about
as silly as people who
supported NAFTA and
didn't listen to Ross Perot.
Ellen's right.
Ellen is definitely right.
She's no Ross Perot, but she sure makes a
lot of sense.
Yeah.
Well, what are you guys doing tonight?
You wanna go catch the latest Ross Perot
movie?
Uh, it'd have to be after dinner because
I'm making Ross Perot pie.
Hey, gotta go.
Ross Perot!
All right, how about it?
Why does that tape suddenly mean I'm
running for president?
But they're saying Ross Perot.
They're also saying hello.
Is hello running for president?
Well, you're on the show announcing you
started the reform party.
I started nothing of the kind.
There is no reform party.
Why are you distorting this, Larry?
You said minutes ago you were starting a
reform party.
You said I do to four ladies and divorced
them.
Why am I the liar?
Touché, I guess.
But why wouldn't you run?
You ran in 92.
I did not run in 1992.
I was born in 1993.
What?
So you're three years old?
Why are you saying that I'm three years
old?
See, folks, suddenly I'm wearing diapers.
It comes out I'm a baby.
I'm running for president.
Well, so if you're not running,
why are you here?
Well, see, Larry, there you go again.
Who says that I'm here?
What do you mean?
You're in this room.
You're sitting right there.
Sitting right where?
I am not here.
All right, we have a caller.
Yes.
Hello, Larry.
It's me, Ross Perot.
See, I told you I'm not here.
Oh, God.
All right.
Thanks for your call, Ross.
Ross.
Larry's here.
See, Larry, nothing is as it seems.
All right, look.
That's right.
Now, Larry, pick a card.
What?
I said pick a card.
No, please.
Leave me alone.
Pick a card, Larry.
Okay.
I'll pick a card.
What card?
There is no cards.
Tomorrow night on the program,
I'm gonna friggin' kill myself.
There!
There!
GTN, the gentle television
network, continues its broadcast
day with the 11 o 'clock
news that's easy to take.
Here's anchorman Sonny Stevens.
Good evening.
Everything is just fine, overall.
Things are just fine.
Tonight's top story.
Today, China threatened to launch more
missiles toward the coast of Taiwan,
regardless of American intervention.
Chinese Foreign Minister
Huai Qingchen stated that China
would not shy away from
war with the United States.
Meanwhile, in Bosnia, the peace process
has run into some roadblocks, as concern
grows that the fragile Bosnian peace could
collapse at any moment.
Now, with the commentary about public
school violence, is our own Bill Clifford.
Bill?
Thanks, Sonny.
Good evening.
I read in the paper this
morning about a student who was
robbed at gunpoint in the
cafeteria of a public high school.
This story sickened me as a parent and as
an American citizen.
The Bill of Rights guarantees each of us
freedom from fear, and I believe that we
should be able to guarantee our children
freedom from Uzi-toting gang members,
prostitution, crack cocaine, and hate
crimes in our institutions of learning.
To think that our city s children,
by going to school in the morning,
are risking their lives is an indictment
of American society.
This madness must stop.
Thank you.
Well said, Bill.
Well said.
And now, here with the sports,
is our own Corey Bennett.
Corey.
The Chicago Bulls continue on a march
toward a record 70 wins despite playing
without Dennis Rodman,
who was suspended last week
following an incident in
which he head-butted a referee.
Bulls coach Phil Jackson had this to say.
We talked about that in front of the team
yesterday at the team meeting.
Ed said, okay, now that it's gone,
it's gone.
Let's just go ahead from here.
Now everybody has to pick it up a little
bit.
But we did need Dennis during this period
of time.
That's the sports.
Back to you, Sonny.
Thanks.
Thanks, Corey.
Thank you.
Finally, with an update on the Menendez
brothers' verdict, his correspondent,
Bob Ross.
Okay, let's just add a little bit of
titanium white to that.
That's nice.
That's nice.
There they are.
They killed their parents, but they're
friendly folk.
Okay.
What do you say we give Lyle and Eric a
friend?
Give him a nice, nice little tree.
They're going away for life.
They deserve a tree.
The Mountain Dew Dana Covey Show will
return after this message.
Bill, what does that look like to you?
Delicious mountain freshness?
No, no, seriously.
What does that look like?
Cool, refreshing springtime in a glass?
No, no.
No, come on.
Look at it.
What does that really look like?
Liquid sunshine?
There you go.
Liquid sunshine.
Mountain Dew.
It looks exactly like liquid sunshine.
This is an ABC News Nightline special.
The 96 Vote.
Reporting from Washington, Ted Koppel.
With the nomination in hand, but trailing
heavily in the polls, Senator Bob Dole's
wobbly presidential campaign took a bold
turn today, with the surprise early
announcement of his vice presidential
running mate.
The move was clearly an attempt to
alleviate concern about the age of the
senator, who is, after all, incredibly
old.
As the announcement was made, the
atmosphere in the room was electric.
Bob Dole needs running mate to bring us
into the next millennium.
And that goes for Bob Dole, too.
Right.
Don't let Bob Dole tell you this.
Let me say this.
Let me say this.
Bob Dole doesn't just pick anybody to
lollipop egg salad.
That's why Bob Dole, that's
why Bob Dole is proud to
introduce the next vice
president of the Bob Dole.
Yeah!
With those words, Bob Dole announced
Senator Strom Thurmond as his running mate.
Thurmond, the oldest senator in U.S.
history, is expected to make Senator Dole
appear more youthful and vigorous.
Oh, yeah!
Look at this boy here!
This boy gonna be crazy there!
Happy Dole!
Joining us now from Michigan are Senators
Dole and Thurmond.
Hey!
Gentlemen, how do you
intend to cut the margin
between yourselves
and President Clinton?
Everybody going sad every time!
Every morning time, we're gonna watch them
differ!
Gentlemen, gentlemen, one at a time,
please.
All right, Senator Dole first.
Bob Dole's gonna tell
you that the apple struttle in
the neck of the lace, and
Bob Dole That's right!
And now you, Senator Thurmond.
You gonna slap me upside the head,
I'm gonna spoil your day!
You gonna wash the dishes, or you gonna go
suffer!
All right.
Senator Dole, what about the move toward
General Powell?
Yeah.
Did you consider him?
Well
That's me, but I don't need General
Powell.
Bob Dole's a war hero.
And Strom Thurmond's a war hero,
too.
Strom Thurmond fought for this country in
That's right!
Yeah!
That's right, those British Red Crocs.
They will party in my hands!
Ha, ha, ha!
I put a musky in the back of the head!
Pow!
Ha, ha!
Ha, ha!
Ha, ha!
Tell Dole a story about the gold rush.
Oh!
Hoo boy!
Yeah!
Gentlemen, if I may, do you really feel
this move will help balance the ticket?
Can't hear.
Me neither.
Speak up, boy!
Can't hear!
Don't be shy!
I said, do you really feel this move will
help balance the ticket?
I can't!
Don't, can't hear!
Senator Dole!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Don't can hear!
Shut your face!
Not so loud!
Listen to me, Bob Dole's not worried.
Bob Dole knows that when
the people of the 48 states have
spoken, they're gonna want
Bob Dole and Strom Thurmond.
48?
You better check your figures,
boy.
Ha, ha, ha!
Dad, you're only 37 states in this here
unit.
That's not true.
Ha, ha, ha!
Let me tell you, Bob Dole knows the flavor
of soup.
Don't tell Bob Dole
Don't yell at me, boy!
Shut your mouth!
You're your loud Glen Miller music!
Glen Miller's the cat's meow!
Hey!
It's all what you do and shut your face,
boy, you're fed up!
Ha, ha!
This is getting a little dull.
Let's watch something else.
Shut up, Dale!
Mr. T has captured the bad guy.
Dana Corby!
Thank you.
And let me just say, it's an honor to
present with you, Mr. Peck.
And may I say, that in that dress,
you could make a dead man walk.
Ng.
All right.
The nominees for Best Foreign Language
Animated Short Subject are
From Pakistan,
Saj Patel for I win!
I win!
I win!
I don't win!
I don't win!
No, just from not winning.
I win the ball!
Just win!
I win the ball!
I win the ball!
I
I'm sorry.
Are you all right?
All right.
From South Korea,
Ling O Park for I say no!
You know the Ling?
I win!
No.
I want to thank Ching Chai, Ning
Nong, Ling Dong, and Rex Harrison!
Oh, he make the animals talk!
Mr. Peck, you leave me alone!
You're not good and kill a mockingbird!
I go back!
Shut up!
Go ahead.
From Iraq
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Help me!
Yeah!
Look at you!
I see you!
You're not such a tough guy!
Look at you!
You're not so tough when I'm over here!
Shut up!
Shut up, sir!
You can see me!
Shut your mouth!
Oh, shut up, you!
Ooh!
Okay!
The final nominee
From Alright, just skip it.
Alright.
The winner is I love you!
I love you!
Hey, boys and girls!
It's time for Grandma the Clown!
Oh!
Oh!
It's not getting any easier!
Oh!
It doesn't get easier, children!
Oh!
Is everyone having fun?
Yes!
Shh!
Grandma the Clown can hear you!
Oh!
I suppose I'll have to make some balloon
animals at this point.
Hmm?
No!
Who wants the fish?
Alright!
Enough is enough!
Now who wants the little fishy?
Alright!
Then come and get it!
I can't hold it up forever!
Oh!
Now what do you say?
Thank you, Grandma the Clown!
You're very welcome for the fish!
Now Could you
scratch my ankle, dear?
I I For the life
of me, can't reach it!
Oh
Oh
Oh Oh That's very nice!
Oh, it gets so dry down there!
Thank you!
You can sit down now!
That
sketch is a flabby Luther!
Now watch this!
That's our show this week!
Thanks for watching!
I want to thank my special guest,
Phil Hartman!
Good night!
And now, here to sing the nominated
original song, Blood and Glory!
From the movie Braveheart
Are Bryan Adams and Kermit the Frog!
You gave your life
So we might have our freedom!
A-ho!
Hey, let them pull your arms and legs
off To a nation where you might be!
You're my hero!
But not scared, brave heart!
Though we'll bleed out each one of this
till death!
We'll die free!
Yay!
I can't see a man!
We'll see you next time!
It's a great deal!
We can have fun!
You can pay for a life!
Have fun!
It's a great deal!
And the winner for best picture is
Braveheart.
What?
That is fing bulls.
I don't believe it.
I am leaving.
Kiss my ass, Oscar.
From the ABC Broadcast Center
in New York, it's the Mountain
Dew Dana Carvey Show
with special guest Bill Hartman.
Hear all the ingredients, all the ingredients,
all the ingredients of Mountain Dew.
And we've got all the ingredients of a
great show for you.
I'm citric acid.
I'm high fructose corn syrup.
I'm sodium benzoate.
I'm concentrated orange juice.
I'm gum arabic.
And I'm yellow five.
It's time to make some dew, so we gotta
go.
But first, here's the host of the show,
Dana Carvey.
Where
are you sitting?
Wow, that was pretty nice.
A lot of people got off on that one.
Uh-oh, got off, 9.30.
Can't say it.
All right, well.
One, two.
Okay, questions.
Anybody?
About this program.
This is where we open it up to you folks.
Yes, sir, right there.
I had a question, but it wasn't about this
program.
Um, okay.
I'll try.
Now that you're, like, rich and famous,
do you still ride the subway system?
Um, I don't know what the subway is.
I ride on a little velvet pillow.
No, I'm down there because I enjoy urine.
Thank you very much.
Thank you for it.
Yes, sir.
In Wayne's World, you were, you,
uh, played a couple drums.
Could you, uh, go up there and jam now?
Um
Uh, this was not planned.
I'm up here.
The booth is going crazy.
I'll try to do a little something.
Oh, this is not Okay, sorry.
All right.
This audience
This audience is so nice.
We'll take your calls in a minute.
Right now, we're back with Ross Perot.
Ross.
Hi, Larry.
Set us straight.
Are you running for president?
No, no.
See, now this is not about me,
see?
I'm trying to find a candidate for my new
reform party.
Why are you making this about me,
Larry?
All right, all right.
My reform
Thank you.
Now, my reform party's gonna have a
convention.
And if the volunteers want me,
that's fine.
But see, Larry, this is not about me.
It's about the American people,
plain and simple.
But it's your party, so aren't you gonna
be the candidate?
See?
Now, Larry, why do you make assumptions?
That's just propaganda.
Now, we're gonna have all kinds of
candidates.
It'll all just be one.
We're gonna have regular American folks
running for president.
We're gonna have all kinds.
Midgets, crack whores, everything you can
think of.
So you're not running for president?
This is not about me, Larry.
Why are you making this about me?
Well, Ross, what about this commercial
that aired last week?
Vote for me.
I'm Ross Perot.
I'm running for president.
Vote for me, please.
Would you vote for me?
Please, please, please vote for me.
Me, me.
Now, see.
How about it?
How about it?
See, now that is a distortion.
Why are you misleading the American
people?
Well, you appear from that to be running
for president.
And you appear to be a bullfrog.
But I don't come here and say to your staff
member, is Froggy ready to talk to me?
I say, is Larry ready to talk?
See, if I got you a gift, I'd bring you
candy.
I wouldn't bring you a bowl full of flies.
I don't see the need to be derogatory.
And I don't see the need for you to have a
10-foot tongue to catch insects with.
Do you have one, Froggy?
Stick it on out there.
Let me see it.
I don't.
I don't.
And I'm not running for president.
But you will be one of the candidates.
Now, Larry, this is just so sad.
This is not about me.
I am so sick and tired of hearing this
nonsense.
No, but you came here to announce that you
have a reformed party.
And one would assume that you would be the
candidate.
Ross.
Ross!
All right.
All right.
What about this clip?
You paid the cast of
Ellen a million dollars to
mention your name 40
times in last week's episode.
What?
Roll it.
Hey, what's wrong, Paige?
Well, I think it's gonna rain tomorrow and
my day will be ruined.
Oh, well, that's about
as silly as people who
supported NAFTA and
didn't listen to Ross Perot.
Ellen's right.
Ellen is definitely right.
She's no Ross Perot, but she sure makes a
lot of sense.
Yeah.
Well, what are you guys doing tonight?
You wanna go catch the latest Ross Perot
movie?
Uh, it'd have to be after dinner because
I'm making Ross Perot pie.
Hey, gotta go.
Ross Perot!
All right, how about it?
Why does that tape suddenly mean I'm
running for president?
But they're saying Ross Perot.
They're also saying hello.
Is hello running for president?
Well, you're on the show announcing you
started the reform party.
I started nothing of the kind.
There is no reform party.
Why are you distorting this, Larry?
You said minutes ago you were starting a
reform party.
You said I do to four ladies and divorced
them.
Why am I the liar?
Touché, I guess.
But why wouldn't you run?
You ran in 92.
I did not run in 1992.
I was born in 1993.
What?
So you're three years old?
Why are you saying that I'm three years
old?
See, folks, suddenly I'm wearing diapers.
It comes out I'm a baby.
I'm running for president.
Well, so if you're not running,
why are you here?
Well, see, Larry, there you go again.
Who says that I'm here?
What do you mean?
You're in this room.
You're sitting right there.
Sitting right where?
I am not here.
All right, we have a caller.
Yes.
Hello, Larry.
It's me, Ross Perot.
See, I told you I'm not here.
Oh, God.
All right.
Thanks for your call, Ross.
Ross.
Larry's here.
See, Larry, nothing is as it seems.
All right, look.
That's right.
Now, Larry, pick a card.
What?
I said pick a card.
No, please.
Leave me alone.
Pick a card, Larry.
Okay.
I'll pick a card.
What card?
There is no cards.
Tomorrow night on the program,
I'm gonna friggin' kill myself.
There!
There!
GTN, the gentle television
network, continues its broadcast
day with the 11 o 'clock
news that's easy to take.
Here's anchorman Sonny Stevens.
Good evening.
Everything is just fine, overall.
Things are just fine.
Tonight's top story.
Today, China threatened to launch more
missiles toward the coast of Taiwan,
regardless of American intervention.
Chinese Foreign Minister
Huai Qingchen stated that China
would not shy away from
war with the United States.
Meanwhile, in Bosnia, the peace process
has run into some roadblocks, as concern
grows that the fragile Bosnian peace could
collapse at any moment.
Now, with the commentary about public
school violence, is our own Bill Clifford.
Bill?
Thanks, Sonny.
Good evening.
I read in the paper this
morning about a student who was
robbed at gunpoint in the
cafeteria of a public high school.
This story sickened me as a parent and as
an American citizen.
The Bill of Rights guarantees each of us
freedom from fear, and I believe that we
should be able to guarantee our children
freedom from Uzi-toting gang members,
prostitution, crack cocaine, and hate
crimes in our institutions of learning.
To think that our city s children,
by going to school in the morning,
are risking their lives is an indictment
of American society.
This madness must stop.
Thank you.
Well said, Bill.
Well said.
And now, here with the sports,
is our own Corey Bennett.
Corey.
The Chicago Bulls continue on a march
toward a record 70 wins despite playing
without Dennis Rodman,
who was suspended last week
following an incident in
which he head-butted a referee.
Bulls coach Phil Jackson had this to say.
We talked about that in front of the team
yesterday at the team meeting.
Ed said, okay, now that it's gone,
it's gone.
Let's just go ahead from here.
Now everybody has to pick it up a little
bit.
But we did need Dennis during this period
of time.
That's the sports.
Back to you, Sonny.
Thanks.
Thanks, Corey.
Thank you.
Finally, with an update on the Menendez
brothers' verdict, his correspondent,
Bob Ross.
Okay, let's just add a little bit of
titanium white to that.
That's nice.
That's nice.
There they are.
They killed their parents, but they're
friendly folk.
Okay.
What do you say we give Lyle and Eric a
friend?
Give him a nice, nice little tree.
They're going away for life.
They deserve a tree.
The Mountain Dew Dana Covey Show will
return after this message.
Bill, what does that look like to you?
Delicious mountain freshness?
No, no, seriously.
What does that look like?
Cool, refreshing springtime in a glass?
No, no.
No, come on.
Look at it.
What does that really look like?
Liquid sunshine?
There you go.
Liquid sunshine.
Mountain Dew.
It looks exactly like liquid sunshine.
This is an ABC News Nightline special.
The 96 Vote.
Reporting from Washington, Ted Koppel.
With the nomination in hand, but trailing
heavily in the polls, Senator Bob Dole's
wobbly presidential campaign took a bold
turn today, with the surprise early
announcement of his vice presidential
running mate.
The move was clearly an attempt to
alleviate concern about the age of the
senator, who is, after all, incredibly
old.
As the announcement was made, the
atmosphere in the room was electric.
Bob Dole needs running mate to bring us
into the next millennium.
And that goes for Bob Dole, too.
Right.
Don't let Bob Dole tell you this.
Let me say this.
Let me say this.
Bob Dole doesn't just pick anybody to
lollipop egg salad.
That's why Bob Dole, that's
why Bob Dole is proud to
introduce the next vice
president of the Bob Dole.
Yeah!
With those words, Bob Dole announced
Senator Strom Thurmond as his running mate.
Thurmond, the oldest senator in U.S.
history, is expected to make Senator Dole
appear more youthful and vigorous.
Oh, yeah!
Look at this boy here!
This boy gonna be crazy there!
Happy Dole!
Joining us now from Michigan are Senators
Dole and Thurmond.
Hey!
Gentlemen, how do you
intend to cut the margin
between yourselves
and President Clinton?
Everybody going sad every time!
Every morning time, we're gonna watch them
differ!
Gentlemen, gentlemen, one at a time,
please.
All right, Senator Dole first.
Bob Dole's gonna tell
you that the apple struttle in
the neck of the lace, and
Bob Dole That's right!
And now you, Senator Thurmond.
You gonna slap me upside the head,
I'm gonna spoil your day!
You gonna wash the dishes, or you gonna go
suffer!
All right.
Senator Dole, what about the move toward
General Powell?
Yeah.
Did you consider him?
Well
That's me, but I don't need General
Powell.
Bob Dole's a war hero.
And Strom Thurmond's a war hero,
too.
Strom Thurmond fought for this country in
That's right!
Yeah!
That's right, those British Red Crocs.
They will party in my hands!
Ha, ha, ha!
I put a musky in the back of the head!
Pow!
Ha, ha!
Ha, ha!
Ha, ha!
Tell Dole a story about the gold rush.
Oh!
Hoo boy!
Yeah!
Gentlemen, if I may, do you really feel
this move will help balance the ticket?
Can't hear.
Me neither.
Speak up, boy!
Can't hear!
Don't be shy!
I said, do you really feel this move will
help balance the ticket?
I can't!
Don't, can't hear!
Senator Dole!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Don't can hear!
Shut your face!
Not so loud!
Listen to me, Bob Dole's not worried.
Bob Dole knows that when
the people of the 48 states have
spoken, they're gonna want
Bob Dole and Strom Thurmond.
48?
You better check your figures,
boy.
Ha, ha, ha!
Dad, you're only 37 states in this here
unit.
That's not true.
Ha, ha, ha!
Let me tell you, Bob Dole knows the flavor
of soup.
Don't tell Bob Dole
Don't yell at me, boy!
Shut your mouth!
You're your loud Glen Miller music!
Glen Miller's the cat's meow!
Hey!
It's all what you do and shut your face,
boy, you're fed up!
Ha, ha!
This is getting a little dull.
Let's watch something else.
Shut up, Dale!
Mr. T has captured the bad guy.
Dana Corby!
Thank you.
And let me just say, it's an honor to
present with you, Mr. Peck.
And may I say, that in that dress,
you could make a dead man walk.
Ng.
All right.
The nominees for Best Foreign Language
Animated Short Subject are
From Pakistan,
Saj Patel for I win!
I win!
I win!
I don't win!
I don't win!
No, just from not winning.
I win the ball!
Just win!
I win the ball!
I win the ball!
I
I'm sorry.
Are you all right?
All right.
From South Korea,
Ling O Park for I say no!
You know the Ling?
I win!
No.
I want to thank Ching Chai, Ning
Nong, Ling Dong, and Rex Harrison!
Oh, he make the animals talk!
Mr. Peck, you leave me alone!
You're not good and kill a mockingbird!
I go back!
Shut up!
Go ahead.
From Iraq
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Help me!
Yeah!
Look at you!
I see you!
You're not such a tough guy!
Look at you!
You're not so tough when I'm over here!
Shut up!
Shut up, sir!
You can see me!
Shut your mouth!
Oh, shut up, you!
Ooh!
Okay!
The final nominee
From Alright, just skip it.
Alright.
The winner is I love you!
I love you!
Hey, boys and girls!
It's time for Grandma the Clown!
Oh!
Oh!
It's not getting any easier!
Oh!
It doesn't get easier, children!
Oh!
Is everyone having fun?
Yes!
Shh!
Grandma the Clown can hear you!
Oh!
I suppose I'll have to make some balloon
animals at this point.
Hmm?
No!
Who wants the fish?
Alright!
Enough is enough!
Now who wants the little fishy?
Alright!
Then come and get it!
I can't hold it up forever!
Oh!
Now what do you say?
Thank you, Grandma the Clown!
You're very welcome for the fish!
Now Could you
scratch my ankle, dear?
I I For the life
of me, can't reach it!
Oh
Oh
Oh Oh That's very nice!
Oh, it gets so dry down there!
Thank you!
You can sit down now!
That
sketch is a flabby Luther!
Now watch this!
That's our show this week!
Thanks for watching!
I want to thank my special guest,
Phil Hartman!
Good night!
And now, here to sing the nominated
original song, Blood and Glory!
From the movie Braveheart
Are Bryan Adams and Kermit the Frog!
You gave your life
So we might have our freedom!
A-ho!
Hey, let them pull your arms and legs
off To a nation where you might be!
You're my hero!
But not scared, brave heart!
Though we'll bleed out each one of this
till death!
We'll die free!
Yay!
I can't see a man!
We'll see you next time!
It's a great deal!
We can have fun!
You can pay for a life!
Have fun!
It's a great deal!