The Death of Bunny Munro (2025) s01e03 Episode Script

1
This programme contains frequent
very strong language from the outset,
scenes of a sexual nature
and scenes which some viewers
may find distressing.
Please be aware that this programme
also contains themes of suicide.
I dreamt you were gone
in the night.
But I looked and
you weren't there.
Just a dream.
I know.
I'm sorry.
Come to think of it, mate
I had a pretty weird dream too.
Yeah?
Oh, yeah.
Pretty weird alright.
I dreamt that someone told me
that they hated being
a shitty navigator
and wanted to be a salesman.
Wild.
What?
Dad.
What?
Oh, my God, it was real!
What do you reckon, then?
Are you ready?
Now?
Good a time as any.
OK.
Can't be crying though, can we?
Eh?
Not gonna look too good, is it?
"Please can you buy my stuff?"
Not gonna go down well, is it?
No.
Well then
You know, my old man was in antiques.
When I was little,
he used to take me out in his van,
find some run-down old place -
a real drum,
owned by some rich biddy
with a load of filthy cats -
and he'd go in
And, honestly, before
I had time to finish my sandwich,
out he'd come with a nice
little Queen Anne dressing table.
Yeah, he had the gift, my old man.
The talent.
He taught it to me.
And now I'm handing that to you.
You understand?
OK.
Ah.
Christ.
Didn't happen to notice
the Hulk creep in
and beat the crap out of me
last night, did you?
Right, ready, Mr Salesman?
KYLIE MINOGUE:
Can't Get You Out Of My Head
One more time.
We have here on offer -
the finest range of creams,
lotions and balms.
And you'll find this
And you'll find this coll colla
Collagen.
-Piss off.
-With elastic
Elastin-rich.
elastin-rich cream,
which will improve
your skin smoothness
and make you look younger.
Yeah.
But what if I forget?
Well then, make it up.
Remember, she's not buying
the product, she's buying you.
And who are you?
Who the fuck are you?
-I'm Bunny Munro.
-That's absolutely fucking right. Tell me again.
I'm Bunny Munro!
I'm Bunny Munro!
Oh, baby
It's a commitment
It's a commitment, baby
M-M-My wife don't like it
My wife don't like it!
It's a commitment, yeah
We gotta love one another or die,
brother
We gotta love one another or die
Oh, baby
Cos it's superglue
It's superglue, baby!
Knock 'em dead
Knock 'em dead! ♪
And you'll find this collan-gen
and elastin-rich cream
will improve moisture Wow.
up to 300%.
But
I don't think you need it.
Actually, Dad,
I think we've got the wrong house.
OK, I can't cope.
Take my money.
Really?
I'd buy a dose of poison off you,
you little cutie.
I'll have two bottles.
OK.
You know what? When you see that,
a dad and his boy just
It just gets me, you know?
Right here.
Where?
Alright, mate.
Why don't you go and wait outside
while I take care
of the boring old paperwork, yeah?
OK, Dad. It was nice to meet you.
Hey.
Well done, mate.
Thanks, Dad.
Oh, God.
So cute.
Oh, yeah.
Is that your dad in my house?
We're salesmen.
He's giving her one.
He's the best salesman in the world.
He could sell your bicycle
to a barracuda.
A what?
It's a predatory fish.
Its jaws are armed
with hundreds of razor-like teeth.
Oh.
You can hear her from miles away.
She sounds like a strangled chicken.
My mum died.
I wish my mum would die.
You alright, Tony?
Wotcha, trouble.
For fuck's sake.
Is that your dad?
That's Tony. He's Mum's boyfriend.
What's he like?
He's alright, I guess.
Donna! What the fuck?!
Dad bought me this.
The bike?
No, just the bell.
It's a really cool bell.
You think so?
Yeah. It's great.
Junior! Shit.
WARMDUSCHER: I Got Friends
Fuck's sake, Donna!
Junior, get in the car.
Hello.
Bye then.
Bye.
Where are you going?!
OK. Yeah, look lively!
-Come on! - - Is everything alright, Dad?
-Oi! - Yep.
Everything's absolutely
fucking perfect, my boy.
I'll fucking break him!
Fuck!
I'm telling you, Bunny Boy,
nothing like getting your pipes
cleaned first thing in the morning.
Who was your mate?
She just came and talked to me.
Oh, right.
Fancy you, did she?
Dad.
Alright.
-She did though, I can tell. She had - that special light in her eyes.
-Yeah?
Yeah. I'm telling you, Bunny Boy,
I can spot it a mile off.
Maybe I should give her one.
Well, one day, Bunny Boy.
One day.
So, where are we going next?
I don't know. Check the list.
-I don't have the list.
-What do you mean, you don't have the list?
-You had the list.
-Well, - where did I put it? - I don't know.
Oh, f I must've
left it back there. Fuck.
Do we need it?
We're salesmen, aren't we?
-Yeah.
-Well, how the fuck are we gonna be salesmen with no customers?
So, should we go back and get it?
Listen, I'm gonna teach you
the first rule of salesmanship, OK?
No, fuck it, the first rule
of being a man: never go back.
So, what are we gonna do?
Just stop flapping your feet about.
I'll work it out.
Morning.
Tell you what, Bunny Boy,
why don't you head next door,
grab yourself some sweets?
Then have a little sit outside.
Too nice to be cooped up indoors, eh?
Thanks.
Good boy.
Right then.
OK.
-So, what happens now?
-I call the police. -Police?
Oh, are you f
What the fuck you talking about?
Mr Munro,
a Section 20 child protection order
had already been filed when you
absconded A what? We didn't.
It's now been escalated
to a missing person
and the police are looking for you.
But he's not missing, is he?
He's right here, with me.
Stop, listen.
His mother has just died
in the most tragic of circumstances,
and I can't begin to explain
the effect that has had on him.
It's a fucking tragedy,
if you must know.
Right now
that boy needs his father.
Don't do it.
What are you doing? You know
there's a payphone down the road?
We'll be gone
by the time you reach it.
-The door won't open - till it's finished spinning.
-Fuck.
Yeah.
He's just a child, Mr Munro.
He's my boy.
I'm just showing him the ropes.
I'm sorry about your wife, Mr Munro,
but this is what's best
for Bunny Junior.
I do hope that one day
you understand.
What you gonna do?
Ready, boy? Come on, look lively!
Come on.
Good boy.
I gave you a list.
I know you did. I need a new list.
Well, those were good leads.
Well, give me some more good leads.
I can't keep giving up good leads
every time somebody loses a list.
I didn't lose it.
What happened to it then?
Jesus Christ! Geoffrey,
have you ever heard of an act of God?
What's that mean?
It means it wasn't my fault!
So, Geoffrey, sweetheart,
I'm gonna get in the car,
and I'm gonna come to the office,
and I'm gonna get a list.
No, no, no,
I wouldn't do that, my friend.
I've had the police here,
asking lots of questions about you.
It's probably best
if you lay low for a bit, Bun.
What?
-Why?
-That woman called 'em, the one with the missing money.
-And what did you tell them?
-I told 'em I didn't know where you were.
Did you tell them
that I didn't take it?
Did you tell them
that I wouldn't do that?
Geoffrey?
Geoffrey!
I told 'em that
I didn't know where you were.
Fuck sake!
Dad,
are we going back to the office?
No.
But don't we need another list?
Yeah.
So, how
Second rule of being a man:
make sure you've got at least
one mate who'll never let you down.
It helps if he thinks
the sun shines out of your arse.
So don't aim too high.
Hello, you dirty cunt.
Alright, Poodle? I -
I can't get to the phone right now.
If you leave a message
after the beep, I'll holler back.
I know where he'll be.
We're going to the pub.
The pub?
Cool.
BLONDIE: Heart of Glass
You alright, Bun?
Alright, babe?
Poodle.
Gaz, has Poodle been in yet?
Nah, not seen him.
-Junior, come here, sit down. We'll - have a quick one while we wait.
-OK.
Large scotch. And a coke, yeah?
A coke.
Make it quick, eh, Bun?
-You know your lad ain't supposed - to be in here.
-Yeah, I know.
Yeah!
Whoo! Whoo-whoo!
No school today?
Oi. What you doing?
Dad
when are we gonna go home?
You wanna be a top salesman?
Yeah. Course.
Well, top salesmen
have gotta be like sharks.
Ruthless, efficient killer sharks.
OK?
OK.
-You know what happens to a shark - if it stops moving?
-What?
It suffocates.
Well, fuck me! The boys!
Hi, Poodle.
Alright, Poodle?
Ha, ha, ha!
-Mwah!
-Christ, Poo, you're absolutely steaming, mate.
-Hi, Poodle.
-What are you doing in here, little man?
Hm?
Just having a quick one.
You, my little friend,
are just too much.
Thought you were too busy to come
and have a drink with your old pal.
Come on now, as if I'm ever
too busy for my mate Poodle.
Good to see ya.
Gary, a couple of scotches,
and another coke.
In a minute. Show your appreciation
for Jade Not gonna lie,
I've been pretty fucking busy
working my list.
Oh, yeah? Pretty fucking busy
or pretty busy fucking?
-Well, I do like to go above and - beyond for my customers.
-Oh, yeah.
I know.
Course I fucking know.
What? You alright?
Course I am.
Few drinks with the boys.
What more could I ask for?
-Dad. - Please put your hands together - for Yvonne!
-Right.
Listen I think I need a wee
actually, Dad.
Yeah, go on. Over there.
So, Poo, mate,
been a bit of a hot streak, actually.
Managed to burn
right through my list.
So, I was gonna ask if
there was any chance I could
Hey.
You sure you're alright, mate?
Come on then.
Poo, what you doing?
Poodle, I need a word, mate.
Go on, go on.
Fuck sake. Poo!
Alright, babe. I'll see you
a bit later, yeah?
Alright, babe, I'll see you later.
Come on, love.
Yeah!
Poodle!
Weird, isn't it?
You don't have to understand it,
you know.
It's OK to be a little boy
and love spaceships and beetles.
Go on.
Go on, yeah.
-Ha!
-Hooray!
Oi! Poodle!
Get out of the fucking way!
Fuck off.
Move yourself, man.
-Sit down, you dickhead.
-I aren't fucking moving! -Poo
Poo.
Sit down.
-All the way down. Please Will you fucking sit down?!
-Go on.
Ohhh.
Move your fucking arse.
You ought to take the fucker
outside.
Move out of the fucking way!
Show me your pussy.
Hey, Poodle.
-Show it to me! - Poodle.
-It's alright, Gaz, he's had a few too many, mate.
Back the fuck off, will you?
Go on. Go on. Show me.
Show me!
Fuck this.
Poo!
Fucking psycho.
-Calm it down now.
-Fuck this, - I'm going home. - Fuck off!
No. Oi. Oi!
You want pussy? Here you are!
Come here, come here, come here.
Fuck you!
What's the matter with you?
Let's get you another drink.
Sorry. Is this your room?
You're alright.
Are you here with your dad?
Christ.
You didn't fancy the funfair, no?
I'm not a little kid.
Alright, mate.
We're salesmen. On the road.
We'll be going soon.
Oh, right. Working man, is it?
Won't be wanting any of this then?
-Come on, Poo.
-What's up with you, eh? -She's gone.
What you talking about, mate?
Who's gone?
Annie. My Annie.
She's fucked off, Bun.
And it's like
You're my mate, aren't you?
Yeah. Course.
It's like she took it with her.
All of a sudden, it's gone.
I can't make a sale,
I can't fuck, I can't
It don't work anymore.
Alright.
Don't panic, OK?
It's just one of those things.
Happens to everyone.
Has it happened to you?
Well, no.
But
it's happened to people I know.
You mean me?
Yeah.
Nah, don't worry, Poo,
old Bun will sort you out.
Gary, get us a couple more drinks,
would you?
You alright?
Yeah.
I should go.
My dad's
probably wondering where I am.
Back to work, right?
Working man.
Actually
can I please have some?
Take it.
Thanks.
Good luck.
You too.
Everything's gonna be alright.
Thanks, Bunny.
It's good to see you, mate.
You too.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I didn't just come in to say hello
though, you know?
I was after a bit of a favour, actually.
What favour?
Look, truth is,
ran into a spot of bother.
Caught with my pants down,
you know how it goes.
And I managed to lose my list.
I was gonna ask
for a couple of names off yours
but, actually,
if you're not in the zone right now,
maybe I should take the whole thing
off your hands. What do you reckon?
That's why you're here?
That's why you've come to see me?
Fucking Yeah.
I'm not being rude, Poo,
but do you really think I've got time
to sit round
listening to your sob stories?
It's your fault.
What is?
You fucked her. After the wake.
Who?
Annie.
-Did I? Oh, please.
-Poodle, what does it even fucking matter?
Poo!
Oi! What are you What the
Get off! Get the fuck
Argh!
You're a cunt, Bunny!
A true, proper, total cunt!
I've been your best mate for years,
and I love you,
but you don't give a fuck
about anybody
but Bunny fucking Munro!
No wonder she killed herself!
Whoo.
Oi.
BUFFALO SPRINGFIELD:
For What It's Worth
She had a condition. You knew that.
Everyone knew that. She was ill.
There was nothing me
or anyone could do about that.
It wasn't my fault.
None of this is my fault.
If you wanna hold onto a bird
for two fucking minutes, Poo,
maybe try not being such
a fucking loser. Lost it?
Lost what?
Lost it? You never fucking had it.
You're a part-timer, mate,
an also-ran.
And if your bird was so special,
why don't I even remember
fucking her?
Poodle.
Poodle!
Poodle!
Dad!
Hey, Poodle!
-Poodle, man. - I want you to say - - sorry to me.
-Poodle! - Say sorry!
-Poodle! - Say sorry!
-And then will you give me the fucking list?
Oh, Bun.
Argh! No, no, no, no!
Poodle.
Poodle, mate.
Fucking hell! It's alright, mate.
It's alright.
I've called the police, my wife's
on the phone to an ambulance.
-It's alright.
-The police? Yeah. Did you see the numberplate?
Help is on the way. Right, mate,
just stay as still as you can.
Wait, where the fuck are you going?
You can't just fuck off!
Oi!
Mate!
Where are you going?!
You can't just fucking leave!
Yeah, yeah. No, I'm holding. Yeah.