The Fall and Rise of Reggie Dinkins (2026) s01e03 Episode Script
Put it on Your Cabbage!
1
What's up world?
It's time to get raw,
like sushi.
So strap in 'cause
anything could happen.
Which one is the one I like?
I need my glasses.
Michelle Williams'
living room is nice.
Let the dog choose,
Judge Mathis!
Give her some personal space,
Drew Barrymore!
Uh, Reggie, this is actually
totally anathema to my method,
but we have been
in the house a lot.
Do you think you're
gonna do anything today?
Give me a break.
I'm just having
a lazy Saturday morning.
It's Monday afternoon.
Ooh, this is my favorite
Skyrizi commercial.
No, I don't know what
we're getting ready for,
but she took a big swing
with her earrings today,
so clearly
something is going on.
Big call today.
Brockenzeug is
a condiment company
that was trying to break
into the U.S. market
at the height of Reggie's fame.
So they signed him
to a 20-year contract,
thanks to a certain someone.
It was me, is that clear?
When I crave bitter protein,
the only sour herring spread
Reggie Dinkins reaches for is
Brockenzeug's Muskelgelee.
Put it on your cabbage!
His, uh, scandal,
broke right after
we signed the deal,
which wasn't great,
but I'm still hoping
I can convince them to re-up.
Gert.
Monica, it is good
to hear from you.
This is a wonderful
Blamage-Geleghenheit for us.
Wonderful? That's great.
I was a little worried
- No, you should be worried.
This word means
"shame opportunity."
This call is for bad news.
- Oh, OK.
Wait, hear me out.
I am sorry,
but this deal is like
the American
discotheque scene, dead.
- Oh, wait.
OK, hold on. Hey!
The Brockenzeug guys
said they wanted
to see your face
when they told you.
They're sick.
- Danke, Ashley.
Bitte schon, boys.
What's up, exy?
You done with those
German dudes already?
Bad news, Reg.
Muskelgelee declined to renew.
- So now I gotta buy it?
- Hey, baby.
You want to come
to the spa with me?
Sounds tempting, but I'm good.
Are you sure?
I would love to explore
your physical body on film.
Why did I say it like that?
I just mean because
you're an athlete.
I'm aware of the effect
I have on you.
But, yeah, I'm just
gonna stay in today.
- How about you, Monica?
- She can't.
She's slammed today.
She's got this
all-day negotiation
with some Germans.
Then she's bringing
congratulation balloons to
Ruggie?
OK, I'm aware that Ashley
is not good at her job,
but I hired her because
she's a nepo baby,
and now I can't remember whose.
There's so many famous Joneses,
Tommy Lee, James Earl, Tom,
Quincy, Star,
Catherine Zeta.
I know she doesn't remember
who my parents are,
and I'm not telling.
Come on, Monica.
We, like,
never get any girl time.
Well, I did tell myself
I'd try to make more time
for being an actual person.
OK, let's go.
- Are we going out?
I'll go out!
I mean, it is Friday night,
right?
No, it's not.
It is crazy that nobody
knows what day it is.
Ooh, there he is!
MVP Carmelo Anthony Mason
Dinkins in the house.
He gets real excited
when we win.
And I scored two touchdowns
against Blair on Friday.
- Whose house?
My house!
And I'm so proud of my son
who also lives here
every other week
because I share custody!
Sorry, you had a game on Friday?
- Yep.
- You were home all day Friday,
watching that ridiculous
firefighting show.
- "FDNY Chicago."
And it's great!
In the New York Fire Department,
there is a special unit
that fights fires in Chicago.
These are their stories.
- Hey, I'm walking here!
In Chicago!
Why weren't you
at your son's game?
I would have loved
to get that footage.
Uh, a lot of the parents
are Jets fans,
and they still
haven't forgiven Dad
for blowing their shot
at a Super Bowl.
It would have been a distraction
if I would have went.
But me and Carmelo, we watched
the tapes afterwards.
We call it football cuddle time.
Yeah, one of us does.
- You're gonna love this place.
- So fancy!
I reserved the whole spa
for the day,
so the cameras can come in.
You can get pedis too, boys.
I'm back!
She bought out the whole spa?
How much did that cost?
That's crazy.
Couldn't agree more, girl!
I don't love talking about this,
but I produce
what my doctor calls
a dangerous amount of earwax.
So I'm just nodding and agreeing
until I get it taken care of.
Wow, so you can't hear anything?
Oh my God, I love that!
Hi, Kiki.
Wait, is this a spa?
Do you guys do ear candling?
- OK, Penny, we want the works.
Body wraps
That robe has her name on it.
How often do you think
she comes here?
Absolutely, everybody.
IV infusions,
that thing where an old man
takes out his dentures
and gently bites you.
Oh, let's not go nuts here.
- Don't worry, Monica.
It's my treat!
Brina's a sweet girl
but "my treat"?
I think she meant
Reggie's treat,
which is actually my treat
'cause I'm the one
who actually
OK, I guess
she did say "my treat,"
but she should have said
"your treat."
can I start over?
Reggie, why don't you
ever leave the house?
- What are you talking about?
I go out all the time.
I took you to my favorite spot.
Welcome to my home
away from home.
- Really?
An Amish bakery.
Yeah, Yoder got the heaviest
bread in Central Pennsylvania.
And the toys are mad unpainted.
Right, Yoder?
- 'Tis a gift to be simple.
- Aw, hell yeah!
You drive three hours to
a bakery in Amish country.
Word.
A people famous
for not interacting
with the outside world.
- Yoder is my boy.
Which means they're probably
the only people in America
who don't know who you are.
- Maybe.
I think that the reason
you don't leave the house
or go to Carmelo's matches
or go to the mall
to meet Lightning McQueen even
though you clearly wanted to
I didn't go because
"Cars 3" was a cash grab!
Reggie, I think you're afraid
to face the outside world.
You buggin', man.
There's just really
not much to do
in the Greater New York area.
Well, let's find something
to do then, Reggie.
Look, let's have a
oh, hey, look at that!
Perfect.
A documentary film festival
at Lincoln Center.
- Yawn!
- Rude. What else?
There is an exhibit
of Adrien Brody's art.
Oh, good God, no.
Right. You know what?
I read a 2004 interview
with you in "Playboy" magazine.
- Sure you did.
You dog.
And in it, you said that
your favorite place to eat
was a restaurant called Toshi's
right here in New Jersey.
- Oh, Toshi's.
Oh, yeah.
The place burned down.
Really? 'Cause
I got us a reservation
there in 30 minutes.
- Cool. It's great.
They love me at that place.
They even got
my picture on the wall.
Wait a minute.
What happened to my picture?
I'm sorry, Mr. Dinkins.
It's just people kept
throwing eel at it.
- Yo, Dinkins!
You suck!
- Yeah, you suck!
- No, I don't!
I do the opposite.
I blow!
- Boo!
- No, no, I don't!
Don't put that
in the documentary.
- Let's go.
Let's leave this place.
I don't like it no more.
Yo, Reggie!
What's your little movie called?
"I'm a Loser"?
We don't have a title yet!
Nice car!
Damn, girl.
Your shoulders are, like,
three inches lower.
- Right?
I have so much neck right now.
Gosh, will you guys
stop screaming?!
Yes, the spa had ear candling.
My ears are so clear now,
I can hear everything.
Either we live by a new river,
or I can hear my blood.
It's like
Lick-lick, girlie pops.
My haul is here.
Ah! Let's get into it!
All right,
I'll set up the camera.
I know the drill.
High angle, no flash,
bag on my head
during fit changes.
- Brina's out of control.
I gotta talk to her.
Whoa, don't tell me
to calm down, pally!
The Bean's on fire,
and this pizza's
in a deeper dish
than I'm used to.
Hey, I'm watchin' here!
We need to talk about Toshi's.
- What do you want me to say?
That you're right?
That I do hide from the world
because I'm afraid
of what people might say to me,
that I can't feel happy
unless I think
everyone loves me?
Is that what you want?
- Yes, wow.
Exactly that.
- Great.
Turn the TV back on.
The guys don't know
it's Central Time,
so they might be early
to the fire.
How do you expect
people to root for you
again if all they see
is you hiding in a mansion?
It's aspirational.
Reggie, you are gonna need
to get out there
and make an effort
to earn people's forgiveness.
The only way out is through.
Which one of you guys is Reggie?
I've got residual checks
for him to sign.
- Can you wait one minute?
- Perfect timing, Ashley.
You're doing a great job!
I did a kids movie
in the early 2000s.
It was like "Space Jam" but
with football and Universal IP.
It's a day game,
so Dracula is not here.
There's no full moon,
so the Wolf Man is just a dude.
And who knows where
the Invisible Man is?
It's just us,
Frankenstein's monster.
So let's get fired up!
- Fire?
Fire, bad!
Oh, my God, I recognize you.
- Yeah, Ashley.
We met last week.
You kept calling me Paddington.
That's so funny.
But no, I recognize
recognize you.
It's too many tennis balls!
This movie makes no sense!
That's you.
- Wait, no.
I'm how have you seen that?
- The Internet?
- Oh.
They promised
it wouldn't get out!
Nerds around the world
have been asking
when they'd finally see
Marvel's Professor Squeeze
on the big screen.
Well, recently-leaked footage
from the IDK agency hack
shows that the original
director just couldn't hack it.
This tennis ball is
a CGI time machine!
And it's gonna take me
back to before
I knew any of you!
This whole thing is
beneath me, you know?
Jesus Christ.
- Ooh, slay!
Slay!
Oh, another one in selfie mode.
Rusty, come on.
- It wasn't on purpose, OK?
I have wide thumbs,
just like Megan Fox.
And you know who else?
A lot of historical stranglers.
Rusty, can we have some privacy?
Of course.
What's up?
Brina, listen.
I gotta big sister you
here a bit.
- Sister?
How would that work?
You're so much older than me
- Auntie then.
Whatever.
Listen, I know
that the lifestyle is
a big part of all of this
for you,
but it can't be your whole life.
I'm sorry?
Back in the day,
I knew a lot of the players'
wives and girlfriends,
and I was the only one
with a plan.
OK, Monica, hold on.
Those women
just defined themselves
by their man and his money.
And then they turn around
one day and realize
they don't have a life
of their own.
So you think I'm a gold digger.
No.
No, no, no, I just think you
should have a plan of your own.
Other than
"being a famous singer."
For your information,
I do have a plan.
I made 120 grand last year.
Doing what?
Content.
And that money is on top
of all the free stuff I get
for pluggin' it on my socials.
Like the clothes,
or that spa I took you to.
You welcome, by the way.
- Oh, come on.
I saw your Instagram.
You only have 40 followers.
That's my private Insta.
Yeah, she's also
Queen Bri The Beauty Baddie.
I mean, where have you been?
323K followers?
Rusty, why didn't you
say anything earlier?
At the spa, you agreed
she needed to get a life!
Uh, I don't think so.
OK, please, do not gaslight me.
You sound crazy.
Good talk, Monica,
but some of us have work to do.
Oh my God.
An unqualified white guy
gets a job he doesn't deserve
and then poops the bed.
The only unpredictable part
is that he actually got fired.
Roll credits.
- Hey, Mr. Tobin.
My art teacher was telling me
about this documentary festival
happening in the city.
- Oh, yes, at Lincoln Center!
Yeah, you know,
I actually premiered
my first ever short there,
"Y2KKK."
It won
what at the time was known
as the Brett Ratner Award.
Well, if I go,
I get extra credit,
and if I go with you,
I get a ride.
Um, oh, no.
No, I can't.
I don't want to.
But I mean, it would be
super cool to go with you.
I mean, I bet you know
everyone there, right?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, here's the thing, though.
I am following your dad
right now.
And he won't leave the house,
so neither can I.
Yes, where he goes, I go.
Otherwise, I would love
to go with you, believe me.
So if you thought
yesterday was Saturday,
you should take
Sunday's pills today,
even though it's Tuesday,
which means on real Saturday
- Blasted gizmo! Brina.
- Hmm?
How do you take tickets
off a phone
and turn them into
real hand tickets?
Oh, I got this.
Oh, good job downloading
the tickets, baby.
I'm just gonna take Monday.
Just why is everyone
watching everyone,
but no one's watching me?
You know?
I can do stuff too.
You know, it's like
I don't know how
I'm gonna fight this fire.
I checked my hose at JFK,
but they lost it at O'Hare!
This is actually
quite compelling.
It was clever
how they couldn't find
the subway fire 'cause
the train was above ground.
No!
I was thinking of doing
something different tonight,
maybe going into the city.
What? No.
You're not going to
a city full of Jets fans.
Or are they?
This evening, I will be
attending the Lincoln Center
Documentary Film Festival.
And you said,
wherever I go, you go.
So let's go.
God, I see what you're doing.
That film festival crowd
won't have any idea
who you are, but
they'll all know who I am.
You have hoist me, sir,
by my own petard.
Hey, I know people were
saying that word again.
I just don't like
hearing it in this house.
When Arthur Tobin
sees how bad it feels,
that little turd
will shut up for good
about me leaving the house.
- I'm right here.
And that's not true!
- Oh, yeah?
Kina seems like
you're dragging your feet
by doing a whole
separate interview about it.
We were just talking over there.
- OK, fine.
You win.
I'll go get changed.
I was gonna say,
I'd be embarrassed
to walk in with that.
- OK.
- Oh.
Hi, Monica.
You got more thoughts on how
I should handle my business?
No. Actually,
this one's personal.
Brina, you look like
a black Jessica Rabbit.
- I'll allow it.
Continue.
And maybe that's why
I didn't take you seriously.
But at your age,
looking like that,
with your own money,
why are you with Reggie?
Why am I with a man
that you thought
was good enough to marry
and father your child?
Wow, Monica.
- I know. I know!
But when I was with Reggie,
he was on Wheaties boxes.
We were out partying
every night with Will Smith.
Who?
Now, he's watching
network dramas in the morning.
I saw him yell, "Siri, potato"
at the microwave.
What does that have to do
with me loving Reggie?
He is the sweetest man
I've ever met.
And I tried dating
ballers my own age.
My last boyfriend
was a prank YouTuber.
Oh God what is happening?!
Girlfriend snake drop!
But Reggie's just nice.
He calls his mom every morning.
From the toilet, on speaker,
but, yeah,
Reggie's easy to love.
But the age gap.
- It's kinda nice.
We only have sex twice a week
and on Halloween,
and I like it.
And unlike clout demons
like Dr. Freak,
Reggie's not threatened
by my success.
I just got an offer to be
the new brand-ambass
for GutRoll
it's a probiotic toilet paper.
And Reggie was all
You get
that doo-doo money, baby.
- Wow.
Congratulations.
And that's a good Reggie.
- Right?
I just gotta sign the contract,
but I can't do DocuSign
with these nails.
Mm.
Ooh, can I use
your finger to do it?
I just gotta scroll
to the bottom.
Wait, you read this, right?
It's not the Bible
or a street sign.
OK, I'm sorry,
but I do have more thoughts
on how you handle your business.
Remember, you're the one
that didn't just want
to hide in the mansion.
- Oh my God.
Is that Arthur Tobin?
For him to show up here
would be a greater humiliation
than what Antonio suffers
at the end of
"The Bicycle Thief"!
- Ow!
What
why do you even have this?
I take tennis lessons
in Central Park
with a nice young man
who grew up in the Caribbean.
How we've treated
those countries!
Hey, you suck!
I am as God made me, sir!
- I'm not talking to you.
I'm talking to Dinkins.
You suck!
Are you the guy from Toshi's?
What the hell
are you doing here?
Oh, you should have paid
more attention
to what you were
booking tickets for.
Oh, you thought
you could escape us
by coming to a classy deal
like this.
Nah, man.
Guys like me, we're everywhere.
Like this guy.
I didn't hear what he said,
but you suck, Dinkins!
- You can run
- Not really.
But you can't hide.
There's a lot of us,
and we don't like to go home.
Can we go now, please?
We both been hoisted
by each other's petards.
And this woman is
still talking about
colonialism in the Caribbean.
To have that cheerful attitude
after all
they've been through
No.
That Jets fan isn't wrong.
Even the Amish bakery
isn't always safe.
- Wow, Reggie frickin' Dinkins!
You suck!
You suck!
And sitting around
watching high-quality
network programming
all day isn't living.
So either I don't live a life
or I learn to deal with this.
So I'm gonna take your advice.
Are you?
The only way out is through.
GutRoll may sell
the content provider's likeness
to third parties for use
in porn dolls or army
no, that's got to go.
Look, this is all
standard language.
Well, there is nothing standard
about this content provider.
Do not underestimate her
just because of her youth
and the fact that
she majored in Sorority.
Other people have
made that mistake.
They did not take
the time to find out
who Queen Bri really is.
Was that Monica apologizing
for calling me a gold digger?
I'll take it.
Oh, God, snake!
And you'd be lucky to have her.
Sorry, I didn't know
you were gonna do
a whole speech.
It's 2:00 in the morning
here in Belarus.
Just redline whatever,
and we'll sign it.
That sucked.
I didn't even understand
what your people
were yelling at you.
Nor I yours to you.
But I could tell it hurt.
By my crying, yes.
But it didn't kill us.
No, I don't think it did.
- Is that your car?
I need to get to JFK.
There's a fire in Chicago!
They're real!
Roll credits.
- Good night, everybody!
- Good night!
What's up world?
It's time to get raw,
like sushi.
So strap in 'cause
anything could happen.
Which one is the one I like?
I need my glasses.
Michelle Williams'
living room is nice.
Let the dog choose,
Judge Mathis!
Give her some personal space,
Drew Barrymore!
Uh, Reggie, this is actually
totally anathema to my method,
but we have been
in the house a lot.
Do you think you're
gonna do anything today?
Give me a break.
I'm just having
a lazy Saturday morning.
It's Monday afternoon.
Ooh, this is my favorite
Skyrizi commercial.
No, I don't know what
we're getting ready for,
but she took a big swing
with her earrings today,
so clearly
something is going on.
Big call today.
Brockenzeug is
a condiment company
that was trying to break
into the U.S. market
at the height of Reggie's fame.
So they signed him
to a 20-year contract,
thanks to a certain someone.
It was me, is that clear?
When I crave bitter protein,
the only sour herring spread
Reggie Dinkins reaches for is
Brockenzeug's Muskelgelee.
Put it on your cabbage!
His, uh, scandal,
broke right after
we signed the deal,
which wasn't great,
but I'm still hoping
I can convince them to re-up.
Gert.
Monica, it is good
to hear from you.
This is a wonderful
Blamage-Geleghenheit for us.
Wonderful? That's great.
I was a little worried
- No, you should be worried.
This word means
"shame opportunity."
This call is for bad news.
- Oh, OK.
Wait, hear me out.
I am sorry,
but this deal is like
the American
discotheque scene, dead.
- Oh, wait.
OK, hold on. Hey!
The Brockenzeug guys
said they wanted
to see your face
when they told you.
They're sick.
- Danke, Ashley.
Bitte schon, boys.
What's up, exy?
You done with those
German dudes already?
Bad news, Reg.
Muskelgelee declined to renew.
- So now I gotta buy it?
- Hey, baby.
You want to come
to the spa with me?
Sounds tempting, but I'm good.
Are you sure?
I would love to explore
your physical body on film.
Why did I say it like that?
I just mean because
you're an athlete.
I'm aware of the effect
I have on you.
But, yeah, I'm just
gonna stay in today.
- How about you, Monica?
- She can't.
She's slammed today.
She's got this
all-day negotiation
with some Germans.
Then she's bringing
congratulation balloons to
Ruggie?
OK, I'm aware that Ashley
is not good at her job,
but I hired her because
she's a nepo baby,
and now I can't remember whose.
There's so many famous Joneses,
Tommy Lee, James Earl, Tom,
Quincy, Star,
Catherine Zeta.
I know she doesn't remember
who my parents are,
and I'm not telling.
Come on, Monica.
We, like,
never get any girl time.
Well, I did tell myself
I'd try to make more time
for being an actual person.
OK, let's go.
- Are we going out?
I'll go out!
I mean, it is Friday night,
right?
No, it's not.
It is crazy that nobody
knows what day it is.
Ooh, there he is!
MVP Carmelo Anthony Mason
Dinkins in the house.
He gets real excited
when we win.
And I scored two touchdowns
against Blair on Friday.
- Whose house?
My house!
And I'm so proud of my son
who also lives here
every other week
because I share custody!
Sorry, you had a game on Friday?
- Yep.
- You were home all day Friday,
watching that ridiculous
firefighting show.
- "FDNY Chicago."
And it's great!
In the New York Fire Department,
there is a special unit
that fights fires in Chicago.
These are their stories.
- Hey, I'm walking here!
In Chicago!
Why weren't you
at your son's game?
I would have loved
to get that footage.
Uh, a lot of the parents
are Jets fans,
and they still
haven't forgiven Dad
for blowing their shot
at a Super Bowl.
It would have been a distraction
if I would have went.
But me and Carmelo, we watched
the tapes afterwards.
We call it football cuddle time.
Yeah, one of us does.
- You're gonna love this place.
- So fancy!
I reserved the whole spa
for the day,
so the cameras can come in.
You can get pedis too, boys.
I'm back!
She bought out the whole spa?
How much did that cost?
That's crazy.
Couldn't agree more, girl!
I don't love talking about this,
but I produce
what my doctor calls
a dangerous amount of earwax.
So I'm just nodding and agreeing
until I get it taken care of.
Wow, so you can't hear anything?
Oh my God, I love that!
Hi, Kiki.
Wait, is this a spa?
Do you guys do ear candling?
- OK, Penny, we want the works.
Body wraps
That robe has her name on it.
How often do you think
she comes here?
Absolutely, everybody.
IV infusions,
that thing where an old man
takes out his dentures
and gently bites you.
Oh, let's not go nuts here.
- Don't worry, Monica.
It's my treat!
Brina's a sweet girl
but "my treat"?
I think she meant
Reggie's treat,
which is actually my treat
'cause I'm the one
who actually
OK, I guess
she did say "my treat,"
but she should have said
"your treat."
can I start over?
Reggie, why don't you
ever leave the house?
- What are you talking about?
I go out all the time.
I took you to my favorite spot.
Welcome to my home
away from home.
- Really?
An Amish bakery.
Yeah, Yoder got the heaviest
bread in Central Pennsylvania.
And the toys are mad unpainted.
Right, Yoder?
- 'Tis a gift to be simple.
- Aw, hell yeah!
You drive three hours to
a bakery in Amish country.
Word.
A people famous
for not interacting
with the outside world.
- Yoder is my boy.
Which means they're probably
the only people in America
who don't know who you are.
- Maybe.
I think that the reason
you don't leave the house
or go to Carmelo's matches
or go to the mall
to meet Lightning McQueen even
though you clearly wanted to
I didn't go because
"Cars 3" was a cash grab!
Reggie, I think you're afraid
to face the outside world.
You buggin', man.
There's just really
not much to do
in the Greater New York area.
Well, let's find something
to do then, Reggie.
Look, let's have a
oh, hey, look at that!
Perfect.
A documentary film festival
at Lincoln Center.
- Yawn!
- Rude. What else?
There is an exhibit
of Adrien Brody's art.
Oh, good God, no.
Right. You know what?
I read a 2004 interview
with you in "Playboy" magazine.
- Sure you did.
You dog.
And in it, you said that
your favorite place to eat
was a restaurant called Toshi's
right here in New Jersey.
- Oh, Toshi's.
Oh, yeah.
The place burned down.
Really? 'Cause
I got us a reservation
there in 30 minutes.
- Cool. It's great.
They love me at that place.
They even got
my picture on the wall.
Wait a minute.
What happened to my picture?
I'm sorry, Mr. Dinkins.
It's just people kept
throwing eel at it.
- Yo, Dinkins!
You suck!
- Yeah, you suck!
- No, I don't!
I do the opposite.
I blow!
- Boo!
- No, no, I don't!
Don't put that
in the documentary.
- Let's go.
Let's leave this place.
I don't like it no more.
Yo, Reggie!
What's your little movie called?
"I'm a Loser"?
We don't have a title yet!
Nice car!
Damn, girl.
Your shoulders are, like,
three inches lower.
- Right?
I have so much neck right now.
Gosh, will you guys
stop screaming?!
Yes, the spa had ear candling.
My ears are so clear now,
I can hear everything.
Either we live by a new river,
or I can hear my blood.
It's like
Lick-lick, girlie pops.
My haul is here.
Ah! Let's get into it!
All right,
I'll set up the camera.
I know the drill.
High angle, no flash,
bag on my head
during fit changes.
- Brina's out of control.
I gotta talk to her.
Whoa, don't tell me
to calm down, pally!
The Bean's on fire,
and this pizza's
in a deeper dish
than I'm used to.
Hey, I'm watchin' here!
We need to talk about Toshi's.
- What do you want me to say?
That you're right?
That I do hide from the world
because I'm afraid
of what people might say to me,
that I can't feel happy
unless I think
everyone loves me?
Is that what you want?
- Yes, wow.
Exactly that.
- Great.
Turn the TV back on.
The guys don't know
it's Central Time,
so they might be early
to the fire.
How do you expect
people to root for you
again if all they see
is you hiding in a mansion?
It's aspirational.
Reggie, you are gonna need
to get out there
and make an effort
to earn people's forgiveness.
The only way out is through.
Which one of you guys is Reggie?
I've got residual checks
for him to sign.
- Can you wait one minute?
- Perfect timing, Ashley.
You're doing a great job!
I did a kids movie
in the early 2000s.
It was like "Space Jam" but
with football and Universal IP.
It's a day game,
so Dracula is not here.
There's no full moon,
so the Wolf Man is just a dude.
And who knows where
the Invisible Man is?
It's just us,
Frankenstein's monster.
So let's get fired up!
- Fire?
Fire, bad!
Oh, my God, I recognize you.
- Yeah, Ashley.
We met last week.
You kept calling me Paddington.
That's so funny.
But no, I recognize
recognize you.
It's too many tennis balls!
This movie makes no sense!
That's you.
- Wait, no.
I'm how have you seen that?
- The Internet?
- Oh.
They promised
it wouldn't get out!
Nerds around the world
have been asking
when they'd finally see
Marvel's Professor Squeeze
on the big screen.
Well, recently-leaked footage
from the IDK agency hack
shows that the original
director just couldn't hack it.
This tennis ball is
a CGI time machine!
And it's gonna take me
back to before
I knew any of you!
This whole thing is
beneath me, you know?
Jesus Christ.
- Ooh, slay!
Slay!
Oh, another one in selfie mode.
Rusty, come on.
- It wasn't on purpose, OK?
I have wide thumbs,
just like Megan Fox.
And you know who else?
A lot of historical stranglers.
Rusty, can we have some privacy?
Of course.
What's up?
Brina, listen.
I gotta big sister you
here a bit.
- Sister?
How would that work?
You're so much older than me
- Auntie then.
Whatever.
Listen, I know
that the lifestyle is
a big part of all of this
for you,
but it can't be your whole life.
I'm sorry?
Back in the day,
I knew a lot of the players'
wives and girlfriends,
and I was the only one
with a plan.
OK, Monica, hold on.
Those women
just defined themselves
by their man and his money.
And then they turn around
one day and realize
they don't have a life
of their own.
So you think I'm a gold digger.
No.
No, no, no, I just think you
should have a plan of your own.
Other than
"being a famous singer."
For your information,
I do have a plan.
I made 120 grand last year.
Doing what?
Content.
And that money is on top
of all the free stuff I get
for pluggin' it on my socials.
Like the clothes,
or that spa I took you to.
You welcome, by the way.
- Oh, come on.
I saw your Instagram.
You only have 40 followers.
That's my private Insta.
Yeah, she's also
Queen Bri The Beauty Baddie.
I mean, where have you been?
323K followers?
Rusty, why didn't you
say anything earlier?
At the spa, you agreed
she needed to get a life!
Uh, I don't think so.
OK, please, do not gaslight me.
You sound crazy.
Good talk, Monica,
but some of us have work to do.
Oh my God.
An unqualified white guy
gets a job he doesn't deserve
and then poops the bed.
The only unpredictable part
is that he actually got fired.
Roll credits.
- Hey, Mr. Tobin.
My art teacher was telling me
about this documentary festival
happening in the city.
- Oh, yes, at Lincoln Center!
Yeah, you know,
I actually premiered
my first ever short there,
"Y2KKK."
It won
what at the time was known
as the Brett Ratner Award.
Well, if I go,
I get extra credit,
and if I go with you,
I get a ride.
Um, oh, no.
No, I can't.
I don't want to.
But I mean, it would be
super cool to go with you.
I mean, I bet you know
everyone there, right?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, here's the thing, though.
I am following your dad
right now.
And he won't leave the house,
so neither can I.
Yes, where he goes, I go.
Otherwise, I would love
to go with you, believe me.
So if you thought
yesterday was Saturday,
you should take
Sunday's pills today,
even though it's Tuesday,
which means on real Saturday
- Blasted gizmo! Brina.
- Hmm?
How do you take tickets
off a phone
and turn them into
real hand tickets?
Oh, I got this.
Oh, good job downloading
the tickets, baby.
I'm just gonna take Monday.
Just why is everyone
watching everyone,
but no one's watching me?
You know?
I can do stuff too.
You know, it's like
I don't know how
I'm gonna fight this fire.
I checked my hose at JFK,
but they lost it at O'Hare!
This is actually
quite compelling.
It was clever
how they couldn't find
the subway fire 'cause
the train was above ground.
No!
I was thinking of doing
something different tonight,
maybe going into the city.
What? No.
You're not going to
a city full of Jets fans.
Or are they?
This evening, I will be
attending the Lincoln Center
Documentary Film Festival.
And you said,
wherever I go, you go.
So let's go.
God, I see what you're doing.
That film festival crowd
won't have any idea
who you are, but
they'll all know who I am.
You have hoist me, sir,
by my own petard.
Hey, I know people were
saying that word again.
I just don't like
hearing it in this house.
When Arthur Tobin
sees how bad it feels,
that little turd
will shut up for good
about me leaving the house.
- I'm right here.
And that's not true!
- Oh, yeah?
Kina seems like
you're dragging your feet
by doing a whole
separate interview about it.
We were just talking over there.
- OK, fine.
You win.
I'll go get changed.
I was gonna say,
I'd be embarrassed
to walk in with that.
- OK.
- Oh.
Hi, Monica.
You got more thoughts on how
I should handle my business?
No. Actually,
this one's personal.
Brina, you look like
a black Jessica Rabbit.
- I'll allow it.
Continue.
And maybe that's why
I didn't take you seriously.
But at your age,
looking like that,
with your own money,
why are you with Reggie?
Why am I with a man
that you thought
was good enough to marry
and father your child?
Wow, Monica.
- I know. I know!
But when I was with Reggie,
he was on Wheaties boxes.
We were out partying
every night with Will Smith.
Who?
Now, he's watching
network dramas in the morning.
I saw him yell, "Siri, potato"
at the microwave.
What does that have to do
with me loving Reggie?
He is the sweetest man
I've ever met.
And I tried dating
ballers my own age.
My last boyfriend
was a prank YouTuber.
Oh God what is happening?!
Girlfriend snake drop!
But Reggie's just nice.
He calls his mom every morning.
From the toilet, on speaker,
but, yeah,
Reggie's easy to love.
But the age gap.
- It's kinda nice.
We only have sex twice a week
and on Halloween,
and I like it.
And unlike clout demons
like Dr. Freak,
Reggie's not threatened
by my success.
I just got an offer to be
the new brand-ambass
for GutRoll
it's a probiotic toilet paper.
And Reggie was all
You get
that doo-doo money, baby.
- Wow.
Congratulations.
And that's a good Reggie.
- Right?
I just gotta sign the contract,
but I can't do DocuSign
with these nails.
Mm.
Ooh, can I use
your finger to do it?
I just gotta scroll
to the bottom.
Wait, you read this, right?
It's not the Bible
or a street sign.
OK, I'm sorry,
but I do have more thoughts
on how you handle your business.
Remember, you're the one
that didn't just want
to hide in the mansion.
- Oh my God.
Is that Arthur Tobin?
For him to show up here
would be a greater humiliation
than what Antonio suffers
at the end of
"The Bicycle Thief"!
- Ow!
What
why do you even have this?
I take tennis lessons
in Central Park
with a nice young man
who grew up in the Caribbean.
How we've treated
those countries!
Hey, you suck!
I am as God made me, sir!
- I'm not talking to you.
I'm talking to Dinkins.
You suck!
Are you the guy from Toshi's?
What the hell
are you doing here?
Oh, you should have paid
more attention
to what you were
booking tickets for.
Oh, you thought
you could escape us
by coming to a classy deal
like this.
Nah, man.
Guys like me, we're everywhere.
Like this guy.
I didn't hear what he said,
but you suck, Dinkins!
- You can run
- Not really.
But you can't hide.
There's a lot of us,
and we don't like to go home.
Can we go now, please?
We both been hoisted
by each other's petards.
And this woman is
still talking about
colonialism in the Caribbean.
To have that cheerful attitude
after all
they've been through
No.
That Jets fan isn't wrong.
Even the Amish bakery
isn't always safe.
- Wow, Reggie frickin' Dinkins!
You suck!
You suck!
And sitting around
watching high-quality
network programming
all day isn't living.
So either I don't live a life
or I learn to deal with this.
So I'm gonna take your advice.
Are you?
The only way out is through.
GutRoll may sell
the content provider's likeness
to third parties for use
in porn dolls or army
no, that's got to go.
Look, this is all
standard language.
Well, there is nothing standard
about this content provider.
Do not underestimate her
just because of her youth
and the fact that
she majored in Sorority.
Other people have
made that mistake.
They did not take
the time to find out
who Queen Bri really is.
Was that Monica apologizing
for calling me a gold digger?
I'll take it.
Oh, God, snake!
And you'd be lucky to have her.
Sorry, I didn't know
you were gonna do
a whole speech.
It's 2:00 in the morning
here in Belarus.
Just redline whatever,
and we'll sign it.
That sucked.
I didn't even understand
what your people
were yelling at you.
Nor I yours to you.
But I could tell it hurt.
By my crying, yes.
But it didn't kill us.
No, I don't think it did.
- Is that your car?
I need to get to JFK.
There's a fire in Chicago!
They're real!
Roll credits.
- Good night, everybody!
- Good night!