The Feud (2025) s01e03 Episode Script

1
Well, the good news is
you got your planning.
Really? Oh, thank you!
And they're gonna want
to move our tree.
'You can trust me.
You know you can.'
Just do what you need to do.
You have to trust me.
If we don't have that,
what have we got?
Oh, and can you move your camera
away from looking at our house?
I'm a lawyer.
It invades our privacy.
Shame. Makes interesting viewing.
Why would you say that?
I thought we were mates.
What's that?
"One for sorrow."
MAGPIES CACKLE
JOHN: Emma!
Where are you?
MACHINERY CLANKS
BEEPING
Oh!
WHIRRING
Oh!
BEEPING
MAGPIE CACKLES
Superstitious, are you?
Oh, yeah.
Listen, we're gonna need a decision
about next door's tree.
He's digging down a metre,
but without moving it,
he's gonna have to dig down
another 50cm minimum,
and that's gonna cost you
an extra two grand, I'm afraid.
You've only been here a week,
and already the money's going up.
Your call.
TEXT ALER
Jesus.
Hey. Need a hand?
Cos I thought I was here
as the driver.
Funny (!)
ALAN CHUCKLES
Man, what you got in here, bricks?
Cookery books.
Yeah.
You should read them
once in a while.
I can cook.
Ha! Yeah, Sonia said.
Right, just this stuff,
and then we're done.
What are you doing
with this stuff anyway?
Just gotta move out of the kitchen
for the extension.
THEY GRUN
Thanks for helping.
What are friends for?
I wasn't sure we were still friends
after the other night.
Oh, come on.
A bit of banter never hurt anyone.
Besides, it wasn't me
who lost my shit.
You called me a liar.
I said you "embellish".
I didn't say
there was anything wrong with it.
I mean, we can't always
tell the truth, can we?
Barbara, all we're asking is
We are not moving the tree!
Your stupid party wall agreement
tells us that we have to let you
move the fence
while you do something or other,
but it says nothing about the tree.
And we're really grateful that
you're letting us move the fence.
It's just
We're not! We have no choice.
But, Barbara,
it's gonna cost us a lot of money.
Not everything is about money.
No, no,
I didn't mean it like that
Leave us alone,
and if you or your builders
come near that tree
Why do this to us?
Why? Everything was
Everything was what?
Barbara, are you OK?
Do you need to tell me something?
You heard her. Leave us alone.
All right. All right.
Have it your way.
I won't ask you
for any more favours from now on,
but just so you know, we're gonna do
this whether you like it or not.
And we're gonna do it our way.
Oh, for God's sake!
What's wrong with you?
What's wrong with you, woman?
Just stop panicking
about the bloody tree!
You can't speak to her!
Do you understand?
You can't be trusted!
I don't know what to do.
Nothing. We do nothing.
You just leave it to me.
Do you hear me? But, Derek
Just Just shut up!
Sonia!
What can I do for you, Derek?
You have to help us.
Help you? How?
Surely you don't want this extension
any more than we do?
Oh, it doesn't affect us.
Of course it does.
I mean, we don't love it, but
Well, they have planning,
so there's nothing I could do
even if I wanted.
We could stop them,
if we work together.
And if we do, well,
maybe they'll change their minds
and move away,
just like they were planning to.
They're our friends, Derek.
Are they?
Are you sure?
Well, you need to tell your friends
that they've bitten off more
than they can chew this time.
Why are you so upset?
They want to move our tree.
How dare they?
Well, it's Barbara more than me.
She's unsettled by it all.
Some things matter.
They'll listen to you.
What's so special about that tree?
Please just tell them.
That's not what we agreed, Lee.
No, I'm gonna do a bank transfer.
Yes, I'll pay extra money
for the ditch.
You said nothing about cash, Lee.
You did not.
Look, I've got to go.
I'll discuss it later.
You always were
a little stress ball.
It's my builder.
He wants paying in cash.
Course he does. Yeah, but
it's tens of thousands of pounds.
So pay him some in cash
and some above board,
then he'll work harder for you
if you do.
What, he'll work harder for me
if I allow him not to pay tax?
It's what made this country great.
What, criminals and tax avoiders?
Entrepreneurs, kid.
Entrepreneurs.
Listen,
what do you need me for, Dad?
How's the build going?
Apart from the cash thing.
Yeah, it's going.
Any issues?
No, apart from the neighbours.
Well, there's nothing
the neighbours can do
now you have planning.
Dad, this is all above board,
isn't it?
I mean, we are just pushing
the process along -
we're not changing the outcome?
HE CHUCKLES
You think those two things
are different?
You're adorable.
Dad!
I need you to sign something
for me, for my partner.
For what? We're buying a site
in the city centre,
and he's still raising the cash.
I need somebody to say
I'm good for the money
and to vouch for me
so we can move things on.
But why do you need me?
Don't you know anyone else?
My solicitor backdated
some property documents
to avoid a penalty,
so he got struck off,
and we need to do this quickly.
He did that for you?
Emma, we need to move fast on this.
All right, well, just to be clear,
when you say "vouch",
you mean "underwrite"?
Guarantee the money?
There's nothing to worry about.
Oh, sure (!)
You want me to vouch for someone
whose previous solicitor
got struck off for breaking the law.
I'm asking you
to vouch for your father.
Which is a big ask, as it's you.
It isn't illegal.
It's barely an issue.
The money's as good as there.
Well, just wait for it, then.
If we stall, we lose the site.
And trust me,
this one is a game-changer.
Oh, well, they always are,
aren't they, Dad?
What about this business partner?
Can't he find a guarantor?
And, you know, how can I trust him?
Or you?
He got you your planning.
Trust isn't really the issue.
So I owe him.
SHE SIGHS
John will divorce me
if he finds out.
Hm, so it's a win-win, then.
I could lose my house.
You won't lose anything.
Happens all the time.
I wouldn't ask,
but we did you a favour.
And I need this to happen fast.
What if I don't?
You will.
Um, did I hear you say decaf?
Ugh, yeah. Caffeine gets me wired.
Isn't that why we drink it?
Hm.
I was thinking
Mmm.
..about what you were saying
about the photos.
Do you really think
there's something there?
Yeah, sure. You're brilliant.
In fact, I've
I've already shown them
to my friend.
She agrees.
And she's a real agent?
A real one, yeah.
You're very sweet.
Do you know that?
Sorry. It just all seems
too good to be true.
Look, I know a good photo
when I see one.
So, why don't you do it more?
Your stuff's great, too.
Maybe I will.
I think photos tell the truth
in a way that life never can.
Sorry, I didn't mean to
No, I
You still haven't told me
about what it is you do
when you're not taking photos.
Is it top secret?
WHISPERING: Yes.
Oh, really?
CHUCKLING: No, no.
I am a police officer.
Wow!
Mm.
I wasn't expecting that.
That's why I don't tend
to bring it up.
That's I've never met a real one.
Are there pretend ones?
No!
My dad was a copper.
His dad was a copper, so it just
kind of made sense, you know?
Hmm. I could never do
what my dad does.
Actually, I could now.
He does nothing. He's unemployed.
PC GALLAGHER LAUGHS
I don't mean to laugh.
It's just the way you said it.
It's fine.
I really like
the way you say things.
BETH LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
So, what about your mum?
Oh, she's a solicitor.
She tries to keep people
out of prison.
Actually, she's pretty much
your nemesis.
She doesn't have many good things
to say about coppers.
I'm sure she's lovely.
HE GROANS
Thanks for your help, mate.
I owe you one.
We agreed 300 cash.
Yeah, right! I'll buy you a pint.
Ha! We can go now.
I've got nothing on.
I, uh Yeah,
I have to be somewhere, so
NICK: Could I?
Could I have a word?
I'll leave you to it.
All right, see you later.
Yeah.
That man is very rude.
Nick, I don't have time to
I'm aware you're allowed the skip
and even the portable toilet,
but I'm also aware that there are
rules about noise on a Saturday.
Look No, no,
that's not what I'm here for.
I'm here to remind you
that the council are meeting
about the permits imminently,
and I need more signatures.
You mean, apart from my wife's?
I work nights.
So what happens here
in the daytime affects my
Yes, you've said.
I really have to be somewhere.
I've got something you might like
to see on my CCTV.
What are you talking about?
I'm in all the time,
if you want to watch it.
As you know,
I find it difficult to sleep.
God, my back is killing me.
You ever try lifting
a sofa into a van?
Yeah, well, he's a pro.
HE CHUCKLES
Do you know what John offered me
in thanks?
A pint.
He's been behaving weirdly,
I'm telling you.
You were the one
behaving weirdly with him
the other night in the pub.
HE SCOFFS
Why are you dressed like that?
Oh, I have to go to work.
What? It's Saturday.
Yeah, no,
there's a conference at school.
I did tell you about it.
Did you?
Mm-hm. I won't be late.
I've left some chicken out
to defrost.
CROCKERY CLINKS
'Hi, this is John.
Please leave a message.'
John, where are you?
There's something
I need to tell you about.
I'll be home in an hour.
I'm a twitcher,
in case you were wondering.
NICK SIGHS
I just love watching
the little beauties.
Now, your wife once told me
she was a fan of birds.
She's superstitious.
It's different.
You know, scientists think
that unless we do something
about the environment soon,
one third of all bird species
will be extinct
by the end of the century.
Astonishing.
Now, you'll have to come
a little bit closer
because the thing with CCTV is
images can be a little bit grainy.
Fortunately, some might say.
But, that said, it's fascinating
what you can see on this.
Absolutely fascinating.
Have a look at this.
What am I looking at?
OK.
Um I'll just open another one.
So what? Well,
that's Sonia and Alan's bedroom.
Hmm? Unless I'm mistaken.
JOHN SCOFFS
Are you out of your mind?
No.
Although I have been described
as a "one-off"
by my friend
at the Ornithological Society.
What are you suggesting?
I'm not suggesting anything.
I'm just saying, you know,
it's a bit
it's a bit suspicious.
I could get you arrested for this,
you know.
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh! I am just filming
the street in front of my house.
If something happens
in the background,
that's purely coincidental.
Not that it's any of your business,
but there's a
There's a completely rational
explanation for that.
I hadn't seen that
the first time I posted it.
This is the one I posted.
You'll remember that.
Are you trying to blackmail me?
No, I'm
You'd really go to all this trouble
just for a few parking permits?
They're important.
It's not just for me -
it's for the environment.
You're insane, you know that?
You're completely insane.
You have nothing
because there is nothing.
Well, sign the petition,
and there will be nothing.
You leave me and my family alone.
You hear me?
There's more!
There's more where that came from.
We haven't got
to the series finale yet.
BIRDS CHIRP
Wow, you're making
a lot of headway.
We'll be pouring concrete on Monday,
and steels will be arriving,
so we can start to take
the back of your house off.
It's all just happening so fast.
So I'm gonna need some cash
so I can pay the lads, you know.
Yeah, I need to talk to you
about that. Two grand.
Lee, would you mind
if I just paid some in cash
and some as a bank transfer?
We agreed cash.
Well, we didn't, actually.
We've talked about this.
Look, if you want this job
to go as quickly and smoothly
as possible, then cash it is.
TEXT ALER
So, are we agreed?
Yeah, cash, whatever.
TEXT ALER
KNOCK AT DOOR
Hey. You busy?
Yeah, a little.
Can you spare me a minute?
Mm sure.
What you up to?
I'm just
Are those all yours?
Yeah.
They're really good.
I was looking at some photos
downstairs of you and Dad.
They're so nice.
Mum, was there something you wanted?
Because I'm pretty busy.
When you said the other day that
..that me and your dad
don't know you, what did you mean?
I don't know. Nothing.
Well, you did.
Look, I know I've been really busy
and your dad's been having
a hard time, but
I just want you to know
that you can tell us anything.
And, you know,
now the build's underway,
I really want your input.
I mean, you're the only one
with an eye for detail.
What do you reckon?
Why are you asking me this now,
though?
Why not before it all started?
Because it was hectic before,
and I was all stressed,
and I'm asking you
because I value your opinion.
So, I'm just sorry
if we've seemed a bit absent.
Anyway, have a think.
Yeah, yeah.
Beth, what did you mean
about Marcus?
You said that he had to leave
because Barbara and Derek
ignored him.
So?
Well, how did you know that?
He told me.
Well Well,
did he say anything else?
Beth?
BETH SIGHS
He's not a good person.
Marcus said he was violent.
Derek?
What, violent towards Barbara
or Marcus?
Both.
Why are you asking me this now?
Is it so you can use it to get them
to dig up their stupid tree?
That's why you actually
came in here.
No, Beth, come on, that's not fair.
You don't care about my input.
Look, I'm gonna cook dinner tonight.
It's been a while
since we all sat down together.
I might be out.
Well, I'd really like you
to be there.
Just tonight, please.
CLATTER
Emma, hi.
Sorry to disturb.
No probs. What's up?
Er, I wanted to give you this.
Oh
Just that I'm sorry
about all the noise,
especially on a Saturday.
Um it's not much, but
Really, there's no need.
Yeah, well, I want you to have it.
WHIRRING,
ALAN CHUCKLES
Seriously, don't worry about it.
It's never gonna last forever.
Well, you're very kind.
Well, the more wine you bring,
the kinder I get.
Thanks.
Alan, you, um
you haven't seen John, have you?
No. I know you were helping
him out earlier.
I I can't get hold of him.
I've left him a message.
It's just strange. He just, uh
He just keeps doing this.
Sorry. You don't need to know that.
Um, thanks again for helping out
and for putting up with the noise,
and yeah.
Why don't you come in?
I mean, it's Saturday,
and this wine won't drink itself.
Unless you've got
something better to do?
Yeah.
I've always loved those shelves.
Where did you get them?
We didn't get them anywhere.
I did 'em.
Seriously?
Yeah. I used to be a chippy.
Before I realised
there was more money to be made
in people's diminishing eyesight.
SHE CHUCKLES
Thank God for mobile phones
and small typeface,
that's what I say.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Maybe we should get you to do ours.
You know what they say.
Never work with mates and animals.
No, it's children.
Yeah, you're right.
Mates and children.
Mmm.
So, you said
John's been disappearing.
I shouldn't have said anything.
You know he's going through
a hard time.
He's He's probably just
on one of his walks.
Well, it's not easy leaving a job
because of stress.
Big decision, especially at his age.
He's lucky he's got you.
You know, good earner.
A "good earner"?!
Oh, that's something to aspire to
in a relationship.
Sorry. Obviously,
you are a lot more than that.
I just meant
..Sonia's been doing the same.
What?
Meetings, walking, shopping
disappearing.
You're not worried about him,
are you?
You know, like, properly worried?
In what way?
Well, what he might be up to.
Oh, God, no. No, I was just
..just a bit worried, you know,
and men talk to other men.
You haven't met any men, have you?
ALAN CHUCKLES
What about you?
Are you worried about Sonia?
Having an affair?
Well, I wasn't thinking
All the time.
'Emma! Where's my fence?'
Oh, dear God.
Emma!
There was no agreement
to remove it - just to move it!
PAWEL CURSES IN POLISH
Don't you even speak English, man?
Look, look, you
you put my bloody fence back!
Oi, Derek, what's going on?
There you are.
Could you control
your damn builders?
They're gonna put it back.
They just need to move it a bit.
That's not what was agreed.
Well, to be fair, Derek,
you didn't agree on anything.
No. Come on, you!
Derek!
PAWEL SHOUTS IN POLISH
You touch my tools again,
I'll let him finish.
Do you understand?
Oh, right.
I'll be informing the council
about this
and possibly the police.
You have no idea
what you have done here.
Yeah, but you'll find out.
PHONE BUZZES
PHONE VIBRATES
Andi?
'Hey, what's going on?'
Nothing much.
Yeah, so, like I said,
I've just been pretty busy.
I haven't had time
to reply to a text or anything.
What are you busy doing -
locking people up?
ANDI SCOFFS
Actually, you've inspired me.
I'm taking photos.
Ooh. That's well exciting.
'None of them are as good as yours,
of course.'
Shut up! I'm sure they are.
When can I see them?
I'll show you.
When the time's right.
Are you sure you're OK?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
Good.
'I'm looking forward
to seeing you again.'
Me too.
SHUTTER CLICKS
John, why aren't you returning
my calls?
I'm cooking dinner for us.
Beth's gonna join.
Oh! Shit!
KNOCK AT DOOR
Seriously?
Why don't you take your keys
with you?
And where have you been all day?
Everyone happy
on the Good Ship Barnett?
What are you doing here?
I can't come to visit my daughter
and my granddaughter?
No, you can't, actually.
Because if John finds you here,
he'll He'll what?
What happened to your hand?
Nothing.
You didn't reply to my text.
Dad.
Do you know what it means for me
if you default on this money?
I'm so disappointed
you can even say that.
I'm your father.
Yeah. That's what makes it worse.
Yeah, well, either you trust me,
or you don't.
Well, if they're my only options
I brought another copy,
in case you've misplaced
the contract.
Grandad?
Beth!
Well, come on.
Haven't you got a hug
for your dear old grandad?
What are you doing here?
You are just like your mother.
I came to say hello
to my favourite granddaughter.
I'm your only granddaughter.
Wait, you have others?
Your grandad's had
quite the life, Beth.
Can you give us a few minutes?
Sure.
Hey, I I missed your birthday.
You missed more than one.
Buy yourself something nice.
Thanks, I guess.
She's a chip off
If I sign this, will you leave?
I don't know what it is
I've done to you.
You've done nothing but take.
Mm-hm. But I did do something
I shouldn't have done.
Planning people
only have so many favours.
And I've given you one of them.
So you're not so clean now, missy.
I've got too much to lose.
It's not worth the risk.
Leave.
Oh, shit!
How do you feel about me
deciding to do the chicken
with penne and pesto, huh?
It's lovely.
I wasn't sure
what you had in mind
..you know,
or what time you'd be back,
so I just did something.
It's really nice, Al.
I spoke to Emma.
Oh, yeah? I saw the builders
have made some progress.
They have.
Although Derek's losing his shit.
Yeah. He spoke to me.
He seems pretty desperate.
Of course.
They're getting ever closer
to the dead body under the tree.
For God's sake, Alan.
ALAN CHUCKLES
Emma was saying that she might like
me to do some shelves.
For the new kitchen.
Is that a good idea?
I'm a good chippy.
Well, sure, but I mean
well, they're our friends.
What if they didn't like them?
Wouldn't that be awkward?
I think I know
the kind of thing she likes.
Hmm. You do?
Besides, John's my mate, really,
much more than Emma is.
She wouldn't feel awkward about
telling me she doesn't like it.
It'd be like
you doing John a favour.
I mean, you get on,
but you're not really close.
Sure. Yeah, you're right, why not?
This was really nice, thank you.
Oh, you're done?
Yeah, I'm tired,
and I've got a bit of work to do.
I'll wash up later, though,
so just leave it, yeah?
I just don't know why
you have to disappear for the day.
I didn't disappear.
I mean, I sent you a text message.
Did you?
I don't have a message.
JAZZ MUSIC POUNDS
THROUGH WALL
Is he serious?
He's trying to wind us up.
Yeah, well, he's succeeding!
SHOUTING: I hate jazz!
I'm gonna go and tell him.
No, wait. Wait.
You were telling me about your day.
For God's sake, really,
with this racket?
I just want to know
what you got up to.
Emma! I mean
HE SIGHS
I just
I just had to get away
from the builders for a bit.
They were doing my head in.
Well, where did you go?
For a walk.
You know, a long walk.
Like I used to.
Oh, what, when you were 19?
Look, the drilling,
the digging, it just
John, what's going on?
Nothing.
JAZZ CONTINUES
I need to tell
SHOUTING: Just ignore it!
How was your day?
Good.
You do anything? See anyone?
Well, I did see
You showed me your photos.
They're great.
Oh, nice.
I'm glad you're doing that.
You're good.
Mm. Actually, I met someone.
Someone who digs my work.
Oh, right. What, a friend, or?
Yeah, Mum. A friend.
OK. Well, that's lovely.
Lovely.
She's a copper.
Oh.
But she's nice.
Well, some of them are nice.
This is
SHOUTING: I mean,
what is wrong with him?
Look, Derek went mad at Lee today
about the fence.
That's what this is all about.
We can't put up with this.
Lee was pretty scary, actually.
I think he put
the fear of God in him.
Maybe that's what he needs.
PHONE PINGS
Oh, that's her.
Beth, are you OK?
JAZZ BLARES
SOBBING
JAZZ BLARES
Uh-uh-uh!
Don't even think about it!
I'm warning you, woman.
JAZZ MUSIC POUNDS
THROUGH WALL
Turn it down!
I thought you said to ignore it?
Are you looking at his camera?
Sod this. I'm going to Derek's.
I saw some of Nick's footage.
Whose?
Nick's.
Why? Thought I'd better
see the evidence.
Evidence?
Of what?
What do you think?
I I don't
The need for parking permits.
Right.
And? Did you see anything?
GLASS SHATTERS
What the?!
They've gone.
Whoever it was has
JAZZ MUSIC CONTINUES
"Two for joy."
ALAN: Sonia?
Are you OK?
Did you hear a noise?
Sonia?
"Three for a girl, four for a boy."
What does this even mean?
It means there's three more
to go before
Before what?
A secret never to be told.
Why are you lying to me?!
I'm not lying!
Just stop it! Stop lying!
What you gonna do, eh?
You gonna kill me?
Like you killed your son, Marcus!
What have you done?
Loved you.
That's all I've ever done.
I said let go!
Everything's gone, Dad.
Everything's gone.
If you've done anything to her,
I will kill you.