The Terrors of Jordan Mendoza (2026) s01e03 Episode Script
Sometimes I Feel Haunted
1
ANNOUNCER: This program
is rated 14+,
and contains scenes of
violence, coarse language,
and mature subject matter.
Viewer discretion is advised.
[ Both laugh ]
Date number seven.
I know, it's so crazy.
I can't believe I'm about
to meet your son.
I know, I know.
I mean, so exciting.
Is it too crazy?
No, it's right on time.
Okay. Well,
you've talked him up.
I'm pretty intimidated.
Oh, don't be.
I mean, some guys are so weird
about the single-mom thing,
but I'm just glad
you like kids.
I love kids.
Alright, wait.
Before we head in there,
what can I do
to impress him?
How can I make him like me?
Oh, no. I mean, you do, like,
improv stuff, right?
[ Laughs ]
If you did, like,
an impersonation or
a funny voice, he'd adore you.
♪
- Hey, mommy.
- Hey, Kyle. This is Jay.
[Jamaican accent] Hey, man.
It's a-me, Barack Obama.
Welcome to Jamaica.
[Random accents]
What's up, guys?
We're doing 500 impressions
in five minutes.
Oh, Lois,
you got the best body in town.
Kyle, you have such
a beautiful mom.
I love her so much.
I'm Christopher Walken.
You talkin' to me?
Hey, I'm from Boston
over here.
But I'm SpongeBob.
And he's Mexican.
What's the de--
What's the deal with
I'm your new dad now.
It's-a
"Shawshank Redemption."
I'm-a Vietnamese-a
Morgan Freeman.
♪
Welcome to
"The Terrors."
[ Mouse clicking ]
I'm in.
So, apparently,
they did all these, like,
CIA secret
military experiments here.
Honestly,
it's pretty spooky.
What was that?
[ Clattering ]
[ Breathing deeply ]
Hello?
Hello?
I think I found something.
If you were watching this,
it all went wrong.
We were tasked with solving
the male-loneliness epidemic.
But nothing has worked.
These guys-- they are lonelier
than we thought.
And, um,
it's all gotten out of hand.
Okay
A24. Microdosing.
Big Thief.
Ketamine for mental health.
Drag City's
music and comedy.
Oh, hey, dude.
Hey, did you know
that David Lynch was
super into
transcendental meditation?
He meditated twice a day.
They're revamping
"The Holy Grail" on Blu-ray!
[ Panting ]
So, I think these guys--
these patients are
still kind of alive.
[ Rattling ]
I thought they were
dangerous at first,
but they may be
kind of harmless.
Is that
Close. Aesop.
Isn't it "Ay-sop?"
No.
Just kind of, like,
mildly annoying.
I mean,
it's something that you--
as you mature,
you want to have your--
Dogecoin's, like, a joke,
but at the same time,
like, the underlying
technology is the same.
They subsist on non-alcoholic
IPAs and tinned fish.
I would never, like,
bring this into the office,
but the omega-3s
just for, like, a power lunch.
They're, like, passionate
about music,
but they don't play songs.
They just, like,
tune their guitars and noodle.
And Mk.gee is actually one
of the producers
of Justin Bieber's "Swag."
Cold tub,
and it's going to shock the
parasympathetic
nervous system,
which basically calms
the vagus nerve.
And I've been
doing this for like
First off, um,
looking at, of course,
Wim Wenders' "Paris, Texas."
So, this movie basically
opened up a lot for me.
Spike Lee,
"Do the Right Thing."
Sometimes,
they get overstimulated
and talk past each other.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ Buzzing ]
I think I found the rest
of the video.
We stole real DNA
from celebrities
that these guys just
wanted to talk to,
thinking it would bring
them some sort of peace.
And I told them it was wrong.
They just gave these guys
too much of what they wanted,
and their brains
couldn't handle it.
Hey, what are we watching?
[ Screams ]
[ Rock music playing ]
Alright. How are you,
what-the-fuckers,
what-the-fuck buddies,
what-the-fucking idiots?
I'm Marc Maron.
This is my podcast.
Welcome to it. Today,
I'm talking to Patient 57901.
Thanks for having me.
Yeah.
Well, you know, it's
great to have you back again.
Do you think there's
a connection between,
like, music and comedy?
Well, that's a good question.
You know,
why don't I ask you that?
I think-- Um, so
Hey, hey!
Get me out of here!
Get me out of here!
Just fucking kill me!
Kill me!
Just fucking kill me!
[ Static crackles, screaming ]
I wish I had
some better news,
but the scans came back,
and there's a large mass
in your brain.
It's a glioblastoma.
There's no sugar-coating
how challenging the next
few months are going to be.
At this point,
it's just about making
♪
[ Sighs ] What the hell
am I going to say?
Sorry?
Oh, uh, nothing, nothing.
I just, uh, you know
♪
I know I want to
do my own thing.
A quote would be nice.
Oh, wow.
[ Clears throat ]
Oh, wow!
Kind of quippy,
but not jokey.
Quippy, not jokey.
"Money can't buy life."
[Jamaican accent] Hey, mon,
money can't buy life.
[ Normal voice ] Money
Maybe something philosophical.
[British accent] "Either the
wallpaper goes or I do."
♪
[ Normal voice ] Oh.
But it has to be me.
[British accent]
Either the wallpaper
[Irish accent] Either
the wallpaper goes or I do.
[ Normal voice ] I just don't
want to say anything hack.
Rob, sweetie,
take a break.
I need you to eat.
Oh, fuck!
What? What?
I just had it.
I literally-- It was--
And then I-- Oh, my God!
What was it?
Ugh! Dying, quippy,
wife, annoying,
marriage, regret,
dinner, interruptions.
Oh!
Interrupting.
Maybe that's--
Maybe there's something
We often think
that interruptions
get in the way of life.
But life itself is a series
Oh, come on!
That's too long!
Okay, okay.
Man: Okay, sir, so,
just to reiterate,
you're unsatisfied with
the TaskRabbit
you hired to write
your last words?
What?
Uh yes, that's it.
Are you okay?
Do you have family around?
Yeah, they're always around.
Hey
what would you do?
How would you say it?
Oh, I don't know.
"I love my family"?
Yeah.
- Mom, should I come home?
- Oh, no.
Uh, I don't want you
to see him like this.
Rob: If you waitresses--
Ah, fuck!
It's too fucking jokey.
Daughter:
See him like what?
- Sandra: Um
- Rob: Sandra!
Can Warner Bros.
sue me if I say,
"That's all, folks"?
Mom, is he in pain?
♪
Yes.
Rob:
I'm going home.
Oh, my God.
Is he okay?
I'll see you
in your dreams.
Oh, yeah.
He's just practicing.
It's almost over.
This isn't the end
of my life.
Because you are my life.
So if you're still here
so am I.
[ Groans ]
[ Flatline ]
Huh. Not bad.
What?
Eh, it's a little long,
a little maudlin,
like, "Look at me,"
but not bad.
Excuse me?
Just a little long.
I mean, I'm probably
going tomorrow.
If you want to hear mine,
I've got 'em
pretty much locked down.
What do you mean
you're probably going?
To die.
My wife
went to get
me soup just now,
but, uh, yeah,
I'm going to say
my last words tomorrow.
Probably.
It's looking like.
Okay.
♪
[ Groaning ]
♪
[ Gasps ]
[ Flatline ]
N-Nurse?
Nurse, can we get someone
to help in here?
There's two dead men in here.
Please!
♪
♪
♪
♪
Alright. Oh.
"Scanners."
David Cronenberg.
Um, the way that he plays
with human flesh and the body
really inspires me as an artist,
and I would
What is that guy smoking?
For real.
Um, I would love to know,
because I would love
to hit some of that and
ANNOUNCER: This program
is rated 14+,
and contains scenes of
violence, coarse language,
and mature subject matter.
Viewer discretion is advised.
[ Both laugh ]
Date number seven.
I know, it's so crazy.
I can't believe I'm about
to meet your son.
I know, I know.
I mean, so exciting.
Is it too crazy?
No, it's right on time.
Okay. Well,
you've talked him up.
I'm pretty intimidated.
Oh, don't be.
I mean, some guys are so weird
about the single-mom thing,
but I'm just glad
you like kids.
I love kids.
Alright, wait.
Before we head in there,
what can I do
to impress him?
How can I make him like me?
Oh, no. I mean, you do, like,
improv stuff, right?
[ Laughs ]
If you did, like,
an impersonation or
a funny voice, he'd adore you.
♪
- Hey, mommy.
- Hey, Kyle. This is Jay.
[Jamaican accent] Hey, man.
It's a-me, Barack Obama.
Welcome to Jamaica.
[Random accents]
What's up, guys?
We're doing 500 impressions
in five minutes.
Oh, Lois,
you got the best body in town.
Kyle, you have such
a beautiful mom.
I love her so much.
I'm Christopher Walken.
You talkin' to me?
Hey, I'm from Boston
over here.
But I'm SpongeBob.
And he's Mexican.
What's the de--
What's the deal with
I'm your new dad now.
It's-a
"Shawshank Redemption."
I'm-a Vietnamese-a
Morgan Freeman.
♪
Welcome to
"The Terrors."
[ Mouse clicking ]
I'm in.
So, apparently,
they did all these, like,
CIA secret
military experiments here.
Honestly,
it's pretty spooky.
What was that?
[ Clattering ]
[ Breathing deeply ]
Hello?
Hello?
I think I found something.
If you were watching this,
it all went wrong.
We were tasked with solving
the male-loneliness epidemic.
But nothing has worked.
These guys-- they are lonelier
than we thought.
And, um,
it's all gotten out of hand.
Okay
A24. Microdosing.
Big Thief.
Ketamine for mental health.
Drag City's
music and comedy.
Oh, hey, dude.
Hey, did you know
that David Lynch was
super into
transcendental meditation?
He meditated twice a day.
They're revamping
"The Holy Grail" on Blu-ray!
[ Panting ]
So, I think these guys--
these patients are
still kind of alive.
[ Rattling ]
I thought they were
dangerous at first,
but they may be
kind of harmless.
Is that
Close. Aesop.
Isn't it "Ay-sop?"
No.
Just kind of, like,
mildly annoying.
I mean,
it's something that you--
as you mature,
you want to have your--
Dogecoin's, like, a joke,
but at the same time,
like, the underlying
technology is the same.
They subsist on non-alcoholic
IPAs and tinned fish.
I would never, like,
bring this into the office,
but the omega-3s
just for, like, a power lunch.
They're, like, passionate
about music,
but they don't play songs.
They just, like,
tune their guitars and noodle.
And Mk.gee is actually one
of the producers
of Justin Bieber's "Swag."
Cold tub,
and it's going to shock the
parasympathetic
nervous system,
which basically calms
the vagus nerve.
And I've been
doing this for like
First off, um,
looking at, of course,
Wim Wenders' "Paris, Texas."
So, this movie basically
opened up a lot for me.
Spike Lee,
"Do the Right Thing."
Sometimes,
they get overstimulated
and talk past each other.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ Buzzing ]
I think I found the rest
of the video.
We stole real DNA
from celebrities
that these guys just
wanted to talk to,
thinking it would bring
them some sort of peace.
And I told them it was wrong.
They just gave these guys
too much of what they wanted,
and their brains
couldn't handle it.
Hey, what are we watching?
[ Screams ]
[ Rock music playing ]
Alright. How are you,
what-the-fuckers,
what-the-fuck buddies,
what-the-fucking idiots?
I'm Marc Maron.
This is my podcast.
Welcome to it. Today,
I'm talking to Patient 57901.
Thanks for having me.
Yeah.
Well, you know, it's
great to have you back again.
Do you think there's
a connection between,
like, music and comedy?
Well, that's a good question.
You know,
why don't I ask you that?
I think-- Um, so
Hey, hey!
Get me out of here!
Get me out of here!
Just fucking kill me!
Kill me!
Just fucking kill me!
[ Static crackles, screaming ]
I wish I had
some better news,
but the scans came back,
and there's a large mass
in your brain.
It's a glioblastoma.
There's no sugar-coating
how challenging the next
few months are going to be.
At this point,
it's just about making
♪
[ Sighs ] What the hell
am I going to say?
Sorry?
Oh, uh, nothing, nothing.
I just, uh, you know
♪
I know I want to
do my own thing.
A quote would be nice.
Oh, wow.
[ Clears throat ]
Oh, wow!
Kind of quippy,
but not jokey.
Quippy, not jokey.
"Money can't buy life."
[Jamaican accent] Hey, mon,
money can't buy life.
[ Normal voice ] Money
Maybe something philosophical.
[British accent] "Either the
wallpaper goes or I do."
♪
[ Normal voice ] Oh.
But it has to be me.
[British accent]
Either the wallpaper
[Irish accent] Either
the wallpaper goes or I do.
[ Normal voice ] I just don't
want to say anything hack.
Rob, sweetie,
take a break.
I need you to eat.
Oh, fuck!
What? What?
I just had it.
I literally-- It was--
And then I-- Oh, my God!
What was it?
Ugh! Dying, quippy,
wife, annoying,
marriage, regret,
dinner, interruptions.
Oh!
Interrupting.
Maybe that's--
Maybe there's something
We often think
that interruptions
get in the way of life.
But life itself is a series
Oh, come on!
That's too long!
Okay, okay.
Man: Okay, sir, so,
just to reiterate,
you're unsatisfied with
the TaskRabbit
you hired to write
your last words?
What?
Uh yes, that's it.
Are you okay?
Do you have family around?
Yeah, they're always around.
Hey
what would you do?
How would you say it?
Oh, I don't know.
"I love my family"?
Yeah.
- Mom, should I come home?
- Oh, no.
Uh, I don't want you
to see him like this.
Rob: If you waitresses--
Ah, fuck!
It's too fucking jokey.
Daughter:
See him like what?
- Sandra: Um
- Rob: Sandra!
Can Warner Bros.
sue me if I say,
"That's all, folks"?
Mom, is he in pain?
♪
Yes.
Rob:
I'm going home.
Oh, my God.
Is he okay?
I'll see you
in your dreams.
Oh, yeah.
He's just practicing.
It's almost over.
This isn't the end
of my life.
Because you are my life.
So if you're still here
so am I.
[ Groans ]
[ Flatline ]
Huh. Not bad.
What?
Eh, it's a little long,
a little maudlin,
like, "Look at me,"
but not bad.
Excuse me?
Just a little long.
I mean, I'm probably
going tomorrow.
If you want to hear mine,
I've got 'em
pretty much locked down.
What do you mean
you're probably going?
To die.
My wife
went to get
me soup just now,
but, uh, yeah,
I'm going to say
my last words tomorrow.
Probably.
It's looking like.
Okay.
♪
[ Groaning ]
♪
[ Gasps ]
[ Flatline ]
N-Nurse?
Nurse, can we get someone
to help in here?
There's two dead men in here.
Please!
♪
♪
♪
♪
Alright. Oh.
"Scanners."
David Cronenberg.
Um, the way that he plays
with human flesh and the body
really inspires me as an artist,
and I would
What is that guy smoking?
For real.
Um, I would love to know,
because I would love
to hit some of that and