Youth (2026) s01e03 Episode Script

1
[upbeat music playing]
[people chattering]
[laughing]
[Alex] [in German]
Hey, uh, guten. Danke.
[mouthing] Sorry.
Oh, my God.
Did everything I could.
Lorcan's away at fucking
Martian fitness camp,
or astronaut camp,
or whatever the fuck.
Didn't wanna leave him
at home alone.
- [Eleanor] Sam! Hi.
- Eleanor.
What about your parents?
What about my parents?
My mom has eight toes.
My dad spends 90% of his time
looking for his keys.
- My whole situation's
hanging on by a thread.
- Mm!
- Karen! When did you get here?
- [Karen] Just landed.
You can't do lunch tomorrow?
You didn't respond.
I did. I can.
- Bloody idiot assistant.
- [Sam] Oof. [chuckles]
Karen Saville-Stewart.
HarperCollins.
I publish Charlotte Arbor.
This is Alex,
Jessie Finlay's agent.
- [Alex] [chuckles] Yeah. Hi.
- Of course.
- [Sam] Mm.
- Lovely Jessie.
- I've gotta go.
See you at lunch?
- [Sam] Yep.
I've met that bitch 20 times.
She publishes my client.
She never remembers me.
She asked me where
I got my boots once.
I sent her a link.
She's knocked the last draft
of Wagon Burner back,
unsurprisingly.
She wants 90% less anal.
Don't we all?
[both laughing]
Can I go up to my room now?
Well, no, because
we haven't got a room yet,
because as you can see,
I haven't checked in yet.
[sputtering]
Ooh, is that Lars?
- Oh, shit.
- [Sam] You don't wanna go
- for a hat trick this year?
- No!
'Cause, you know, is here.
And Patrick.
I thought that was off.
He told Frank you don't see him
as a serious person.
I didn't say that.
Why would he say I said that?
What else did he say?
- I'm not sure--
- Welcome to the rat's nest.
- Oh, hey, hi!
- Hey!
Oh, it's so good to see you.
- Mm-hmm.
- How are you? You look well.
You too.
You lost some weight?
No. You remember Sam?
Of course, I remember Sam.
I mean, we got fucked up
- at the Can--
- And that's my son, Ruari.
That-- that is your son?
Oh.
Um, 'kay.
Uh, well,
I'll see you later, right?
Sam. Son.
Alex.
[whispering]
It's good to see you.
It's fine.
That was our whole thing,
you know?
No pasts, no conversations.
It was like that film,
you know, Up in the Air?
Have you seen it?
Just fun, lightly degrading sex.
[softly] Shit.
[theme music playing]
Ah! ♪
[gamer] [on video] Oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no!
No! No! No! Move!
- [gunfire]
- Oh!
Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, oh, God.
I have so much juice.
I have so much.
- Come on, it's right there!
- Gonna hang up your clothes?
- [gunfire continues]
- Oh God, no! No! No! No!
[wailing] No! No!
[gamer continues
exclaiming faintly]
[video game explosions
and gunfire continue]
[gamer continues shouting]
[Alex] I've gotta head
to the Book Fair now,
gotta set up. But you know,
order room service.
We have a sauna. Rent a movie.
Maybe go for a wander?
But Frankfurt's a bit edgy,
so maybe stick
within the hotel grounds?
[unenthusiastically]
Sounds fun.
[sighs]
[softly] Fuck it.
He can help out, get coffees
and stuff, you know?
He'll be additive.
Where'd he go?
[whispering]
Oh, for God's sake.
Ruari, no.
Don't look him in the eye.
- [in German] Und für Sie?
- Oh. Thank you.
["Nach Fest kommt Lose"
by Die Sterne playing]
[upbeat German pop music]
[Ruari]
Is it all like this, Mum?
I mean, yes and no.
["Nach Fest kommt Lose"
continues playing]
[laughing] Oh, God.
- We're by the plugs.
- [Sam] You're joking.
- [laughing]
- What, seriously?
- [Alex] Yeah!
- [Sam] Ooh!
Why are you excited
about plugs?
That's such an obnoxious
question, Ruari.
Right, shall I put this up?
I nicked it from
the publishing stand last year.
- Oh, yeah, I love that.
That looks great.
- That's gonna look terrible.
Do you want to go
and get coffees?
- Yeah.
- What, coffees in German?
Yeah, yeah.
Just say "three coffees."
- They'll speak English.
- Where?
The little blue truck
we passed on the way.
- What am I saying again?
- Just ask for
three coffees, Ruari.
[in German accent]
Ask for ze three coffees.
You cannot do that.
And you definitely
can't do that here!
Take that down.
I saw wine downstairs.
[people chattering]
- [speaker] Hey!
- [Sam] Hey, how are you doing?
- Right.
- [speaker] Yeah, hi.
I bet you're glad
we can distance ourselves
from that goblin bollocks.
[Sam] Did you read it
before you let him go?
Well, no, I didn't read it
'cause he hadn't written it.
- It was a pitch.
- Better not have been any good.
- Hello, lesbians. [chuckles]
- [Sam] Grayson.
- Tried to find you earlier.
- Oh, really?
- We're in D14, by the plugs.
- Oh, right to the back.
Our stand's in Hall Six
this year.
We've got a giant golden
typewriter installation
hanging from the ceiling.
Gotta come and see it.
Yeah, it sounds ridiculous.
- Definitely.
- [speaker] Hey, Grayson!
We're at Noble, Harding,
and Cole now,
- in case you hadn't heard.
- [Alex] Mm-hmm.
Well, you did email us
the Bookseller article,
so we had.
We may just be
Noble and Cole soon,
'cause Harriet's not very well.
[Alex] Oh.
Kidding. [chuckles]
Kidding, kidding.
Talking of old bags of bones,
how's Charlotte getting on?
Oh, she's great.
Working on her latest.
There's no stopping her,
but she's here in spirit.
- And cardboard.
- And person.
I saw her at the HOF last night.
- She's here?
- Well, it's a free world.
Met her charming daughter, too.
That was, um [chuckles]
interesting.
Anyway, good luck
with Wagon Burner.
Ruari?
Ah, still exploiting
the unpaid placements?
[chuckles] He's hot.
He's my son.
Oh, well.
Your son's hot.
Andrew. Sorry, I see Andrew.
- [Andrew]
I saw your installation.
- [Grayson] Oh, thanks.
- Do you like it?
Yeah, I designed it.
- [Andrew] Nice job.
I-I mean, I'm just
as confused as you are.
You want a pint?
["Passion Babe"
by Aldous Harding playing]
- [video game gunfire]
- [gamer speaking indistinctly]
Well, you know I'm married
and I was bored ♪
Out of my mind ♪
What the hell?
Of all the ways
to eat a cake ♪
This one surely
takes the knife ♪
You should stay,
but you don't ♪
I should go,
but of course I won't ♪
On the beat in the snow ♪
It's on me
and it costs a lot ♪
- [video game gunfire]
- [gamer] Fucking rat!
[gamer continues speaking
indistinctly]
Will you get off
that thing soon?
[Ruari] Mm
[video game noises continue]
I'll never be in charge
of any of it ♪
I'll never be in charge
of any of it ♪
[Alex sighs]
Passion must play
or passion won't ♪
Passion must play ♪
- Or passion won't ♪
- [phone chiming]
Passion must play
or passion won't stay ♪
Thanks. Thank you.
[message chiming]
I didn't say that.
Passion must play
or passion won't ♪
[Lars speaking German]
Or passion won't stay ♪
[Alex groaning]
Right, so I was thinking,
we need to keep Jessie
hot in translation.
- Morning.
- [Sam] Morning.
We still need the Nordics,
Brazil, Korea, and Spain.
I'm focusing on Jessie today.
I've got a really good in
with a Swedish publisher
- Ooh!
- whose younger brother
also tragically died.
Give it here. Come on.
[chuckles]
- You alright?
- Got my period.
Like, apropos of nothing,
she's back, and she heavy.
It's probably just leftover
back-of-the-cupboard,
been-there-for-years stuff.
Hi, Sam.
Oh. Mm
- What the fuck?
- [message chiming]
- What's he thanking you for?
- I sent him a voice message
- that he masturbated to.
- Aww.
That's so nice,
after all these years,
that you're still into
each other like that.
Oh, you're hilarious.
"Still into each other
like that."
I blow him every morning.
Every morning? That's abuse.
- How is it abuse? I love it.
- No woman loves that.
You've been together 15 years,
that's gotta be close to
a million blowjobs.
That's vile.
That's horrible maths.
You're fired.
And it hasn't been 15 years.
[Alex] Well, when'd you
start doing that?
About a year ago.
- Oh, so after he--
- Don't judge me
because I like my husband
and his cock.
Pff.
[Sam] Look.
[Alex]
Are you fucking kidding me?
Well, now you're talking.
Random House.
We were hired when the pigeons
got very malevolent one year.
So, they decided
to bring in the big birds.
And the pigeons just backed off?
Yeah, they flew away.
Sometimes all you need
is, uh, the smell of a hawk.
- The smell of a hawk.
- Mm.
Sounds good.
Do you have a vermin problem?
Sort of.
- My queen, I
- Oh, what a cute little boy.
[Alex] Ugh. Get a room.
[Sam] Wish he'd been that much
of a cunt when he worked for me.
Might have actually
made some money.
[Alex] Hey, wait!
- [Charlotte] Bye!
- Oh, shit.
[Sam] Morning, ladies.
Charlotte, you're looking well.
- Is that a new perm?
- [Charlotte] Oh!
[chuckles]
How kind of you to notice.
And did you get
your fruit basket, Liv?
I did, thank you.
A little heavy on the bananas,
but I appreciated the gesture.
So, what brings
you to Frankfurt?
We just saw-- saw you
chatting to Grayson.
Anything we should know?
Oh, darling.
He's as gay as a feather boa.
Yeah.
Yeah, but what--
what were you meeting about?
Getting the lay of the land.
Keep your sports bras on.
Just getting a little help with
looking for a new publisher
- for Wagon Burner.
- [Alex] What?
What, you can't just jump ship
because you don't like a note.
We'd like to find someone
we're more aligned with.
Somewhere a bit shinier.
Maybe Random House,
for example.
[Charlotte] Oh,
Patricia's with Random House.
She's a bloody laugh.
Firstly, this is not how
it's done, it's a terrible idea.
Grayson thought
it might be possible.
No publisher's gonna go
for this version.
- You don't know that.
- I do know that.
- [Liv] Why not?
- Because--
Oh, ladies, please.
My Weisswurst is congealing.
Let's have dinner
and just talk it out.
- Lunch is better for me.
- [Alex] Okay.
Actually, no,
I've got meetings at lunch.
Oh, drinks, maybe?
Yes. Drinks.
[Charlotte] Mm.
Random House
are not gonna want a porno
- by Charlotte Arbor.
- [laughing]
Gonna have to have some
quiet conversations today.
- You do the same.
- Okay.
If she takes my breakfast,
I will bite her hand off.
- Just-- just leave it.
Just leave it.
- Oh.
Thank you.
No, just leave all of it.
- [server] Oh.
- Just-- Thank you,
just leave it.
[server] Okay.
Ugh. Gross.
- [announcer] A global
phenomenon has arrived.
- [laughing]
From the untamable mind
of Malcolm Hammond
- comes Goblin Seed
- Ah. [in German]
Das hast du gelesen.
[announcer]
the first installment of
The Juniper Chronicles.
Experience
Oh, and if you are a fan
of Charlotte Arbor,
she's just written
a new historical romance.
Her 10th decade
has liberated her.
- Stop it, I love her.
- [chuckles]
But, uh, we'll never find
consensus in-house.
- Ohh.
- We're looking for newer,
- more original voices.
- Right.
- Um
- Do you have anyone?
Uh yeah.
Yeah, I-- I do, actually.
Um, Yafa Barghouti.
Think early Rushdie
meets Haddad.
He's-- he's an emotional writer,
but he's-- he's commercial,
for sure.
Well, I-- if he's on your list,
I want to read him.
- Can you send something?
- Yeah, yeah.
- I mean, he's not--
- [Sam] Alex!
Um, I'm just--
I'll be one-- one minute.
- I'm a bit stretched for time.
- Yeah.
[Sam] Oh, you look
a bit haunted.
No, just pitching Wagon Burner.
Well, be subtle or Karen's gonna
suss something's up.
Okay, did you tell her
about the publishing move?
No, of course not.
I thought she was gonna shank me
- because I didn't order
oysters with her.
- [chuckles]
[gasps] Oh, shit.
- I've got your card.
- Okay.
- I'll call you.
- Yes, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh! Have you read Goblin Seed?
- Uh
- Karen Saville-Stewart
thinks it's the first
in a series of at least
eight books.
[chuckles]
Well, I mean, anyone can think
anything's the first in a series
of at least eight books.
- Do you know what I mean?
- Oh. Yeah. [laughing]
It won't be.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Who-- Who-- Who's paying you?
Excuse me. Who sent you?
[in German]
Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
Can you just tell me who
Damn goblin dicks.
Why is it that you choose
to self-publish?
You sold 200,000 copies
of Goblin Seed in a week.
You-- Well, talk of the Fair.
- [applause]
- Yeah.
Well deserved, yeah.
So, why is that?
People used to wonder why
a writer would self-publish
if his work was any good.
[whispering]
Didn't you use to rep him?
Uh, no. No.
Oh, I heard you let him go just
before he wrote the Chronicles.
Well, if you knew that,
why'd you bloody ask?
[Malcolm]
You have full creative control.
Full-- So funny.
I've just seen
my ex in the audience.
[Lars] That's your ex?
- Ex-agent.
- Oh, is she, uh
No, I'd-- I'd actually like
to thank her.
Alex.
If you hadn't fired me,
I wouldn't have had the courage
to write my magnum opus,
so thank you.
[applause]
[Lars] Alright. Right.
[chuckles] That's lovely.
Um, Simon.
Simon, romantasies
are such a huge trend
at the moment.
Uh, what do you think?
[people chattering]
[soft music playing]
[Liv] If you want us
to stick around,
you better get
behind this novel.
Show us you care.
- [Alex groaning]
- [Live] You get us
a newer publisher.
[steam hissing]
[inhales and exhales sharply]
[Lars] [in German]
Tag, zusammen.
- Hey.
- Oh.
- No swimsuits allowed.
- Yeah, yeah, I just, uh
I'm really done now, anyway.
Um, you made me laugh
at the panel.
Looking around. "Who, me?"
[both chuckle]
I didn't know about
you and Malcolm.
He's an impressive man.
Is he? Or is he a giant knob?
Um, you want me to sneak you
into the WME party tonight?
Everyone's gonna be there,
HarperCollins,
Canongate, Random House.
- Yeah, I do.
- Yeah?
- I'll pick you up about 7:30.
- Okay, great.
- There'll be
a chocolate fountain.
- Oh, lovely.
Oh, can I, uh, bring my son?
- [Lars laughing]
- [Alex chuckles]
No.
[door opens]
[sighs] Hey, Thomas.
- Chocolate fountain?
- Mm-hmm.
Ooh. [smacking lips]
[people chattering]
[chattering continues]
- [Alex] You having
a bit of dinner?
- [Ruari] Yeah, where are you?
I'm running to a party--
a meeting.
Uh, shit.
Did you get the link I sent?
- [Ruari] [on phone] Mm, no.
- Yeah, I booked you
into a networking event
at the Frankfurt Uni campus.
No, Mum, I'm not hanging out
with German teenagers.
- [Alex] No, it's--
it's international.
- No.
Yeah, they're not all
gonna be German.
- I'm not doing it.
- [Alex] Ruari, please.
- I have shit to sell.
- No, no.
Please! I'll pay you.
Ruari, I'll pay you.
Fine.
- Who'd be playing the part?
- Him or Clooney.
I think it has to be someone
with that
It's my vision, you know.
I have to be, you know,
in power, really.
[people chattering]
[loud dance music playing]
[Alex] Yeah, I mean,
I think Wagon Burner
could be great
for Random House.
Very challenging
subject matter politically,
but it's sexy, you know?
It's-- it's very sexy.
Thanks to BookTok,
all the influencers,
particularly in China,
have gone apeshit for it.
Are you interested?
I mean, I could slip you a copy.
The raunchier stuff is reaching
a much younger audience.
Younger than Charlotte?
That's practically everyone.
Exactly, she's killing it.
[band singing]
Roller coaster ♪
Roller coaster ♪
[Ruari] These are on my mom.
Oh! Thank you, Mommy.
- Yeah.
- [chuckles]
[in German] Prost.
What do people
do for fun around here?
Drink 9% beer and smoke weed.
- Oh, weed, yeah. Nice.
- What do you want to do, Ruari?
Frankfurt is at your mercy.
- [loud dance music playing]
- [crowd cheering]
- Mm!
- Uh, what are you doing?
[Lars chuckles]
Okay, that's-- that's too much--
That's too much eye contact.
- Sorry.
- Oh. Alright.
["Love Spell" by Westend
and Dave Summer playing]
It's binding me to you,
it's binding me to you ♪
My love, this will do,
it's binding me to you ♪
It's binding me to you,
it's binding me ♪
My love, this will do,
take it all in ♪
I know you want me to ♪
My love, this will do,
it's binding me to you ♪
It's binding me to you,
it's binding me ♪
- My love, this will do ♪
- [Lars] Alex! Alex!
Come over here.
- [both moaning]
- [dance music
continues playing]
[knocking]
[person shouting in German]
Hey, mach auf!
- [laughing] Quickly.
- [laughing] Yeah.
- Quick!
- Wait a second.
[both grunting]
Oh!
[speaking German]
Yeah, I'm not sure
what's happening there.
- Don't worry.
- Actually, should we stop?
- Let's just stop.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- [knocking]
I'm so sorry, I think
there's someone,
um, still in there using the--
W-What did you say
I should do, wait?
What?
You want me to wait
in the bathroom?
[people chattering]
Well, you've had a very
busy night, by all accounts.
Oh. Uh, yeah, sorry.
W-What do you know?
I've kept
Charlotte Arbor relevant
through three bad books,
two retirements,
and rumored dementia.
And now, you parade her around
like a fucking debutante.
Alex, you don't poach authors
in plain sight.
Not from me.
- Not in Frankfurt!
- What?
- [loud smacking]
- [person] Oh, my
- [Karen] Fucking Random House.
- What the
Now, she remembers me!
[softly] Oh, fuck.
[soft music playing]
[groaning softly]
[message chiming]
[messages pinging]
[sighs]
- "Cats"?
- [phone ringing]
Just got your message.
You're a legend!
As my dad would say, I worked
as hard as an ugly hooker.
Random House wanna talk
over breakfast.
- I just got an email.
- I just got hit by a Karen.
[Sam] Well, I told her
we'd make it up to her
by resigning Malcolm,
and we'd bring
- What? What?!
- the Goblin Seed
series to her.
- Sam, no! We--
- [Sam] We can do it.
- You can do it.
- [knocking at door]
Anyway, we've no choice now.
- [knocking continues]
- I'll talk to you tomorrow.
[phone beeping]
Is this my hotel?
Hey.
Shall we try again?
- [upbeat pop music playing]
- [both moaning]
[whispering] Oh, wait.
Wait a minute.
- What?
- Give me a second.
- One moment.
- Okay, wh
["Schwerelos"
by MilleniumKid playing]
- Where are you going?
- Getting us some towels.
Wh it's not a deckchair.
We're not German.
- Well, I am German.
- [phone chiming]
[Lars moaning]
I'd like to punish you
for making--
- Please, shut up.
- [phone chiming]
[music fades out]
[Lars sighs]
- I gotta
- What?
What?
We can do it without towels!
[people chattering]
[tense music playing]
What the fuck?
- [Werner] This high! This high!
- [Alex] Ruari!
- [laughing]
- Can you kick this high?
- [Alex] Ruari!
- And I can kick this high.
Ruari, what the hell
are you doing?
- [Ruari laughing]
- What are you doing?
Getting pissed with a child
in a cemetery.
- How old are you?
- Forty-seven.
- Jesus Christ.
- [Ruari] That's so weird.
Please, just fuck off
back to your aerie.
That's eagles.
But if you mean
where my hawk lives,
he lives in my house.
- [Ruari chuckles]
- Where are you going?
What the hell were you doing?
- You scared the shit out of me!
- What?
What was that
fucking message about?
What message?
"I know where
the bodies are buried.
Because I did it,
I buried them."
- What the hell?
- [laughing] We went
on the Black Death tour.
My phone must have recorded
what I was saying
and sent it to you.
[laughing]
Oh, yeah. Oh, right.
Well, of course,
that's what it was.
How obvious.
- How'd I not figure that out?
- Well, what did you think
I was doing, Mum?
Well, I'm sorry,
but I-- I don't know, do I?
I don't know
what you've been doing.
Those girls at your uni halls,
they called you
They said something bad
about you.
What, so you thought
I was murdering women
in the 1800s, Mum?
[Alex] All I have
are worst-case scenarios.
Just tell me
what happened at uni.
- Just tell me.
- Just stop, Mum.
- Please, Ruari.
- Just fucking leave me alone.
[Alex] Please.
[Ruari] I
I went to this
freshers' week thing
and I got really drunk.
And I was getting with Bridget
because I was--
because I liked her,
and I was happy about that.
And then, I think
we must have passed out,
'cause when I woke up, I was
in bed with her, and my hands
My hands were down, like,
the front of her jeans.
[softly] Oh, for God's sake.
[Ruari] But-- and I tried
to pull it out,
but when she woke up,
she freaked out.
But then we talked about it,
and neither of us
could remember, you know,
if we'd gone to bed
still, like,
getting with each other.
- Okay.
- But she was cool about it.
She was just like,
"F-Forget it."
- Okay, well--
- But I [sighs]
I think she might have told Mia,
and, like, the others.
Well, what did she tell Mia?
- And w-what happened with Mia?
What's going on there?
- Nothing, noth--
Just tell me.
We was
We were supposed to have sex
when we were together.
But I-- I just couldn't,
I don't know, I couldn't
it wasn't working.
Well, that-- that happens, okay?
That happens.
But she took it as an insult,
and now she hates me.
But what happened with Bridget
is just this whole fucking
Spread all around uni now.
And everyone thinks
I'm a fucking pervert.
- And well, maybe
I actually am a pervert.
- You are not a pervert, okay?
Do not say that,
you're not a pervert.
No one in your family
is a pervert, not even
on your dad's side.
All this noise in my head.
It's not just this,
it's fucking everything.
It's too hard, Mum.
I just want to be
fucking in my room, just--
Okay, well, then--
then be in your room.
Okay?
There's no pressure
to go back to uni.
Alright? We just--
we just take your time.
And you just figure it out,
you know?
We'll-- we'll get you a job
or-- or something different.
You know, we'll just--
with no stress
and no teenagers, okay?
- Yeah.
- Okay?
Ruari tells me it's very hard
to talk to his father like this.
If you can even
call him a father.
Is there room for another one?
[gentle music playing]
[door opens]
- [door closes]
- [Malcolm] Well, look who it is.
When in Frankfurt. [sighs]
Uh, well, that's my
15 minutes anyway, so--
Stay long at the party?
Lars is a laugh, isn't he?
Hear you got your son
with you, too.
Women are amazing.
I don't know
how they juggle it all.
Work, life, pleasure.
Okay.
If you want me back,
I'll consider it.
You will?
- Okay, well--
- What can I say?
I like how you do business.
[scoffs]
- You got blood on your towel.
- What?
Shit, it's my time
of the month.
[scoffs]
At your age? No.
No, it'll be from the flying.
I used to fuck a lot
of air hostesses, so
Don't let the heat out!
["Na und?"
by Hildegard Knef playing]
[singing in German]