Astrid and Lilly Save the World (2022) s01e04 Episode Script
One Rib
Previously on Astrid
and Lilly Save the World.
Yeah!
I love us.
I love us too, Lils.
Portals weaken the
architecture of the universe.
It's the monster
You are about to embark
on a very special journey.
I can see through floors, now?
You're a good friend.
Do you maybe want to go out with me?
Yeah.
I'll need some recruits for our work.
That's my specialty.
You want to play shitbird?
Let's play.
Hello?
I've got mace!
It was one night.
You couldn't make the commitment.
You know how disappointing that is?
Youth Group is good for you!
Okay.
I just think that expanding
your social circle
is a good idea.
My circles
are fine, thanks.
The least you could do is try!
Well, I'm trying not to be late
for school, okay?
Good bye. Mwah.
Me?
Ugh, save me!
I think he really
wants us to come over there.
Chaz Borkin hasn't talked to us
since eighth grade.
Ugh, he's probably being a dick somehow.
Hah.
Stop!
How dare you look so radiant right now!
Oh, yeah, I know.
Uh! I woke up this
morning and I was, like,
"Do I have super senses
and the power of clear skin?"
Anything's possible.
I swear, they're gonna make
a movie about us one day.
Astrid and Lilly:
Saving Humanity
with their Super Cute
and Sexy Super Powers.
Is it a new dance trend?
I think they want us to go over there.
Why? To dance with them?
Oh, maybe we should look it up.
You know, just in case
anyone wants us for their
video, or something.
Yeah, yeah, to-totally. Just in case.
Yeah.
Where's Jonas?
Sit down.
Everybody listen up!
I have something
really serious to tell you about Jonas.
He's, uh
He's gone to L.A. to be the next Banksy.
Didn't see that coming.
I have his letter here,
his artist's statement.
We'll probably never see him again
because he'll have to be
forever anonymous.
Secrecy is everything in street art.
In his absence, though,
I will be taking over
the directorial chair
for the school play,
if anyone cares.
Now, I don't see any actor types here,
but tell your attractive friends.
This year's play will
be better than ever!
Hm.
She ruins everything.
Uh.
All right, honey, have a good day.
I packed you extra coffee, just in case.
Thank you. I feel like such a zombie.
Oh, by the way, Michelle agreed
to be our godparent,
depending on her
schedule. Isn't that cool?
Wait, uh Hold on.
Depending on
her schedule?
Well, she's got a lot going on.
We can't expect her
to just drop everything
and look after our baby.
Wait, but isn't that the whole point of
being a godparent?
You know, I still don't
know why you asked her.
It's not like we're friends.
That's how we become friends.
Okay.
Bye.
Hey, Astrid!
You're fast!
It's how I evade my enemies.
But not you. Never you.
Do you have a boyfriend?
I j-just saw some-some dude
picking you up the other day.
I didn't know if that was
your boyfriend or something?
Oh, Brutus?
No! No, no, no. Oh, my God, no.
Definitely not.
That guy is, like
Yeah, do not worry about it.
I am single.
Very single.
Well, not in a lame way,
like, in a normal way.
'Cause I am normal.
Well, since
you're single
and normal,
do you, uh
do-do you, do you wanna
go on that date tonight?
I think I can clear my schedule.
I mean, if you're busy, th-that's fine.
No! I'm-I'm joking.
I am not busy.
I'm-I'm, like, never busy.
Not in a lame way. In a normal way.
You are the least normal
girl I know, Astrid.
I'll, uh, I'll call you tonight.
Yeah? Okay.
My God!
It's really happening!
I am going on a real date
with a real Sparrow.
What are you gonna do?
No idea.
- I should bring condoms.
- It's your first date.
So?
We're young, attractive youth
with palpable sexual tension.
And I guess you have been planning
for this to happen for a long time.
And I have been planning for
this to happen for a long time.
How many times do we have to
tell you not to do that?
What if someone saw you?
No one saw me! Ouch!
- So violent.
- What's that?
- This?
- Allergy meds.
Something on Earth is making me
really goddamn itchy.
I've got a rash all
the way down to my
All right.
- Ahh
- Brutus! Don't litter.
You better not be giving us
any monster homework.
Somebody named Astrid
has a date tonight.
- With the bird person?
- Mm-mm.
Well, if you need any ideas
for activities, I'm your guy.
I have a whole list of things
I want to do while I'm on Earth.
- Shoe shopping.
- Mm.
The laundromat, which I think
is a sort of ride
and something
called pegging.
Ooh, maybe we could go together?
Like a little three-way?
Oh, so much to unpack there.
- No-no, thank you.
- Hm.
Oh, wait, so, there's
no monster to look out for?
No!
Happy to report there's
been no new breaches,
so I say we take the night off.
Ah! No new breaches, no new breaches!
And you
You enjoy that date.
I don't know who the other 36 women are,
but you are definitely
getting a rose tonight.
Everything on TV isn't real, Brutus.
Ha! Nice try.
Get that rose!
Do-do-do-do-do.
What the hell?!
Okay, you're gonna get
yourself concussed!
Hey, Carla! It turns out
can't have enough of these things.
Frankie Jr. is going
through 'em like lava fire.
Oh, yeah.
Big congrats, huh?
You two must be over the moon.
Hey, uh, you haven't noticed anything
weird going on around here
today, have you?
Not today.
I thought this place
was crawling with spiders
the other day, but it was just
my dang imagination.
I must need a vacation.
Tell me about it.
Hey, would you mind keeping
your eye out for anything?
Some kid just hit his head
off the window out there.
Might be drugs.
And put it on my tab.
Hey!
I got a 10-31 on Main.
It's a grey sedan.
They fled with OTC painkillers.
I couldn't get a read on the plate.
On that note, does anybody have
any report on a strange street drug?
Shit, you think they're turning
over-the-counter pain meds
into a drug?
People are acting
pretty crazy around here
and baby painkillers?
That is a narcotic!
Hey guys: Drew here thinks
there's a new drug conspiracy in town!
Yeah, we're not on HBO, man.
Stick to traffic tickets.
- But I
- That's an order!
Small town know-nothing!
Oh, no.
Are you okay?
No, no. No, no.
They stepped out in front of me.
Wha? Whoa, whoa!
You shouldn't be standing on that leg!
Are you all right?
Wait
What are you doing?
Okay
Back up!
No drugs, my butt, Chief!
Hm
Ours is sluggish.
How quickly is yours spreading?
Yeesh, I wasn't gonna
copy you or anything.
Aw, you got matching tatts.
Lab partner bonding thing?
Okay, good talk.
That's every day this week.
There's a lot to see.
It's, uh space.
What about the other students
who want to use the telescope?
You're not leaving any time for them.
Where?
Look, Eggs
I'm worried that you're not
experiencing the full range of
Things to experience in high school.
No, thank you, I would like to
book the telescope for tonight.
It'll look good on your
transcript diversify!
Auditions for the play are tonight.
Why not give that a shot, huh?
I don't know how to act.
Anyone can act.
I'll get Miss Berry to
put aside some books
at the library for you.
Think of it as an experiment.
And, also, Michelle asked me
if I could get more students
to audition for the play and
I really want her to like me.
Okay, I'll, uh, I'll do
it, but only for you.
Yes!
Dorkapalooza sign-up!
Ass!
Sorry, Tate's girlfriend!
I have a name!
It's like I wouldn't exist
if I wasn't his girlfriend.
You didn't have to say anything.
I'm signing up for set dec.
It is kind of dorkapalooza.
Honestly, just sign up
for whatever you want.
Screw everyone else.
Hm.
See ya.
Oh! Good job.
Straight down to the basement, okay?
Somebody did her homework.
Oh, Candy, honey, um
I am going to be later
than I thought tonight,
but, uh, guess what?
I've booked us mani-pedis.
Love you!
- Oh!
- Oh! Good grief, Tom,
don't be so creepy.
Come on, Big C. Scripture says
we need to share good things
with one another,
like the old basement
chapel, for example.
I'm getting pretty tired
of running a bake sale
out of my trunk every weekend.
Mm. Well, maybe that's
just where the good Lord
intended you sell your crap, Tom.
In the parking lot.
What are you doing down there, anyway?
What's the big secret?
Secrets are
Great One, the supplies
that you requested are here,
so I will
leave you to rest.
You seem troubled.
Oh,
it's just earthly annoyances.
You don't need to concern yourself.
Don't lose faith.
If you stay the course with me,
you'll have all the power
you ever could have wanted.
And you'll find certain
annoyances
cease to exist.
Um
I didn't see you mentioned
anywhere in the bible.
Does it matter?
Can I make my own title?
Interesting.
I'm sure that can be arranged.
I'll need a fresh bath.
This is starting to turn.
Thank you for asking.
Besides science, I have to say
my three favorite hobbies
are dessert bars,
finding interesting Korean food
and improv.
And speaking of improv
Oh, sorry. Better get this.
Hey! I was just talking about improv.
Again?
Hey, you haven't noticed anything weird
with the students today, have you?
Things are always a
little weird, sweetie.
No, no, I'm worried that
there's a new drug going around.
Earlier, I saw somebody
dance into the street
and they got hit. They
didn't even flinch!
Everywhere I go today,
there's people dancing.
It's like they're not
even there mentally.
It's gotta be drugs.
Can you hear that?
About the drugs?
It's probably a trend.
People love to dance.
I don't know.
This is different.
Oh, my God.
Spidey senses going off.
So glad you said that.
I just kicked a can of paint
through the art room window.
Everyone's pissed.
My super-hearing went off
and I could hear Frick's entire
phone conversation.
Frickin' whoa.
The cop thinks people are
acting weird because of drugs.
But that doesn't explain
our powers going off.
Why'd you kick a can of paint?
Well, it was in my way.
I- I didn't think
it would fly across the room!
And get this:
the cop says that the
drug people were all dancing.
No, that's just the
stupid new dance trend!
I've actually been learning the moves.
Okay, we should confirm
with Brutus, just in case.
If there's a new monster,
I want to button it up quick
'cause I have a boy to make out with!
Oh, okay, fine, you're right.
It's more important.
I just got excited
about the dance moves.
You know, it just felt nice
to be a part of something.
Yeah, you know. Uh.
Brutus!
Ah, crap. He's not here.
He really needs a phone.
No, seriously: what could
be more important than this?
Mm, mm
Okay, so, what clues
do we have besides dancing?
Oh! We should really teach him
about a garbage can.
There's nothing about dancing.
These are all in monster language.
You know, maybe it is drugs?
Maybe our powers are, like,
malfunctioning or something?
Brutus did warn us they'd be unreliable.
Maybe we should do some more recon,
just to be safe. Head back to school?
- I can't.
- I got that date tonight!
Oh, right!
Um, okay. Uh, I'll go solo.
Well, don't feel like
you, like, have to.
No, it's okay.
I wanted to watch the
auditions, anyways.
I don't know how you could
sit through those things.
It's just Valerie looking for any excuse
to cry on command.
There's some nice people.
Ah, well, just call me
if you see anything.
But I might be busy.
Mm.
Oh, yes, yes, okay.
Mm. Sparrow! Oh!
Bye.
Bye, Mom! I'm not home for dinner!
Expanding my social circle,
like you wanted!
- What?
- Okay, cool. Bye!
Weird.
The tip of the tongue,
the teeth, the lips.
The tip of the tongue,
the teeth, the lips.
Ma-ma-ma.
Listen up! Director speaking!
So
you're all here to audition for a part
in Romeo and Juliet,
a Michelle Knight
Shakespeare collab.
Thank you.
Now, personally,
I'm not a big theater person,
so when I saw Jonas
planned to do Romeo and Juliet,
and not even the Leo version, I thought,
"No way I'm reading that.
It's old. And long."
You're not changing the play, are you?
Because I prepared
specifically for it, so
Take a pill, Val, okay, I'm not
changing your precious play.
- Mm-hm.
- I'm adapting it.
I thought I would take some inspo
from my two weeks abroad in Australia
and send Romeo and Juliet
"down unda."
It'll be set in Australia.
You can't edit The Bard!
Okay, enough talking. Time to warm up!
Fine. Zip, zap, zop!
What? No!
Jumping jacks. Let's go!
What the? Jumping jacks?
Okay.
Kinda dusty!
My instrument?
Did you get those as, like,
crew bonding things?
Oh, okay. Yeah. Never mind.
We can, uh, get to
know each other later.
[THUMPING
Whoa, my God!
Suprisingly, very high-octane.
This place is the best.
Mm, yeah.
You're pretty good on those, huh?
Oh, thanks. Yeah, I used to
ice skate with my dad.
Oh.
Which is, like, kind of the same thing.
Cute. When was that?
A very long time ago.
Thank you.
Oh, my God.
Brutus?
Sorry, I thought I saw somebody.
Mm.
Mm. Don't know why,
but crinkle cut just tastes better.
You serious? Wedge is
definitely the best.
- You're a wedge man?
- I'm a wedge man.
I gotta go.
So, what kind of fries
does your iguana like?
I mean flies!
Nice. Nice.
How'd you know I have an iguana?
You're not spying on me,
are you, Astrid?
Wait. You just seem like an iguana guy.
Weird?
Not in, like, a bad way.
It's okay, people find
reptiles weird but I like 'em.
They're, like, little
monsters, you know?
They don't really fit in.
Guess I can relate.
I get that.
Maybe I'm an iguana guy, too?
I don't know if I could
date you if you weren't!
In fact, it's Philbert
you're really going to
have to be impressing.
- Philbert!?
- Mm. Yeah.
He's a very, very difficult
lizard to win over.
Wait, his name is Philbert?
Yeah, it makes sense
when you meet him, I promise.
Ketchup?
Yeah, ketchup.
- Ketchup.
- Mm-hm.
Tonight, I'll be performing a monologue
as my favorite action movie
character, Dominic Toretto,
from Fast and the Furious.
I never narc'd on nobody!
I never narc'd on nobody!
Put the nitro in there.
Hey, um
have you seen Tate?
Uh, no. I-I didn't think
theater was Tate's thing.
It's not.
He just said he'd be here, though.
Hopefully you didn't plan
the same monologue as this guy.
Yeah, this is for my family!
Yep.
Stop!
Who's next?
To be or not to be,
That is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
To suffer the slings and arrows
I haven't seen you audition before.
- Uh
- I'm an actor now.
For science.
Huh?
It's my first time.
I've been an actor for about, um
Uh, six hours?
Oh! Okay.
So you're just starting
your journey, then.
You know, it takes,
like, a lifetime of work
to master the
the craft.
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
It doesn't seem that hard.
I- I think anybody can act.
Next.
Eggs.
I guess it's my turn now.
Sometime,
shark go away.
Sometime he don't go away.
Sometimes
that shark, he look right into ya.
Right into your eyes.
You know, the thing about a shark,
he got lifeless eyes.
Black eyes, like, um
like a doll's eyes.
When he coming at ya,
it don't even look like he's livin'
'til he bites ya.
Hm.
Uh, Quint.
Jaws.
Who is this man?
Ooh, I know this one.
Ow!
Oh, sorry. I-I-I can get it.
Ooh! Ow!
Ohh,
it is a monster thing.
Look out!
It's contagious?!
Astrid? Uh, sorry if you're busy.
Mm, you look good.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Whuh.
- Whoa.
You're kind of awesome.
Um
Yeah, so are you.
That, um, was really
Ah!!
- Shit!
- Are you okay?
Oh, my God! Uh.
Hey, watch where you're going!
That dance.
Is this a flash mob?
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Uh. We need to leave.
- Like, right now.
- Wait, wait. What?
Yeah. I forgot, um, I have um
I have to meet Lilly at school.
Like, right now!
- You don't have to meet Lilly.
- I'm so sorry.
Okay, go home! Like, right now!
Astrid!
What?
- You, go in there!
- Please.
You, please don't sneeze on me!
Oh! Gesundheit.
Up next
Told you it was dusty.
Valerie.
I thought she was supposed to be good?
Is this interpretive?
What am I watching?
Oh, my God.
Oh, shit! Val!
Ow.
Go on! Git! Git, git. Go on!
Uh! I'm not auditioning!
This is not an audition.
Come on. Shoo, shoo
I know, but
you said you'd come.
I'm not saying that soccer's
less important, I just
Ha, ho, whoo.
Well, it is to me.
Yeah.
Okay.
Sorry, I was just
Oh, it-it's fine. Um
Tate never showed up.
Oh, sorry.
He doesn't
He doesn't really get that
this is important to me.
You know, even though
I told him, like
like a million times.
Mm.
Whatever. Um
No, he's your boyfriend.
He should support you.
I don't think he got the memo.
I just get so sick of his
shit, you know? But
But it's Tate.
Now, I can't not be with him.
You know, we're meant to be together.
Everyone says so.
You know, we're supposed to be
this perfect couple.
Look, screw everyone else, remember?
You don't need Tate.
You're gonna nail it.
Thanks.
Why do you have a broom?
Oh, it's a prop.
Do me a favor?
Don't get sneezed on, okay?
Sure.
So, before you come back here
with another lame-ass offer,
I want you to think real hard
about what your spine
is worth, Mr. Walker.
Or-or-or what you might expect
someone to pay you
for a uterus, Miss Sanchez.
And then you take out your calculator,
then you multiply that number by 100.
Anything less than that
is a waste of our time!
Erin Brockovich.
Well, honestly, I'd
make a better Juliet,
but, fine
Uh.
Okay, what took you so long?
Sorry! Candace was auditioning.
Ew. Did she suck? Ah, who cares?
Um, where's Sparrow?
I had to cut the roller rink short.
Fingers crossed he's not mad at me.
Okay. Look for sneezing.
That's how it's spreading.
Okay.
Well, I did my best to
quarantine the school.
- Oh! Remember Chaz Borkin?
- Mm-hm.
My mom told me he danced
into his lawnmower.
He lost a foot!
- What?!
- Yes!
Oh, my God, we need to find
and kill this thing
before it infects the whole town!
Or us. Into the lawn mower?
- Mm-hm.
- Ahh.
- Oh, okay, here.
- What?
Three noses sneeze attack.
Ah, it's not really a sneeze attack.
I- i-it's the whole, you know,
dancing thing.
Okay!
Sorry. Umm
Okay, uh, what about this?
Jzzxxshh?
Says it causes fast-spreading
personality loss.
Victims take on attributes
and actions of the monster.
It's like the zombie
copy cats. Zopy cats!
That would explain the brainless
Night of the Living Dance vibes.
Honestly, I'm pissed at this Jzzz
Jsz-xhsh.
What the Whatever it is!
'Cause it ruined my date.
Yep, you're right.
Not cool. Let's go kick its ass.
I'll check Brutus's one more time.
I'll get supplies.
Okay.
Let's see
Yes. Okay, good.
Extra large. Great!
One, two of them, I guess.
What do I need? What do I need?
Sure.
Incredible. Okay.
Ah-ha!
Doing some shopping?
Hazmat suits. Gloves.
What's next? Baby painkillers?
I'm not involved in any
drug thing, Officer!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Who said anything about drugs?
You know more than you let on.
Yeah, I don't!
I was in Frick's class
when you were talking about it
and I'm just
What was that?
Oh, they're inside.
No, Carla.
You too?
Okay, um, take these! And, uh, this!
And don't touch any of
the zo Drug people.
Is there a contact high?
I had a feeling something
like this was spreading.
- Yes, defs that.
- Yeah.
Ready?
No, Regina, get away,
get away, get away!
You get Get outta here!
I wanted to be asked to join things,
but not like this!
Get out of my
waaaay!
Drew, go. Come on!
You have joined together
in service
of something bigger than you, now.
Together
we will do
unimaginable things.
Oh, hey!
I'm back!
No sign of Brutus, though.
I thought we bonded back there!
I totally saved your ass!
The teamwork, that was great,
but you're still under arrest.
For what?!
For whatever the hell is going on here!
What happened?
We ran into a bunch of zopy cats!
- What? Oh.
- But I did get supplies.
I've apprehended a suspect
in the potential drug ring
and I'm bringing her in.
Drew, there ain't a drug ring!
This is Coppers Cove,
not some true crime docuseries.
Respectfully, I think
I'm onto something.
Not good enough, Sherlock.
Last thing we need is another lawsuit.
Let her go!
- Mmm
- Did it get you?
Mm-mm.
Hm.
What is that?
Pill capsule?
I saw one at the roller rink.
From Brutus?
Hey, Officer, where'd
you find that thing?
This? Coppers Park.
They're littered all over the place.
I thought it had
something to do with the drugs.
Why? What do you know about it?
Nothing.
Fine.
Well, I guess I gotta let you go.
Did Brutus have Coppers Park
on his to-do list?
Hey, I-I think we look pretty badass.
- Oh! Lilly, look.
- What?
Oh!
Oh, my God. My nose is going crazy.
What if we follow these
and it leads us to Brutus?
Oh, I hope not
because I'm so ready
to kick Jsszh's ass!
Yeah.
Oh!
Oh, my God.
Come on. We gotta go.
Okay.
Oh, oh my
Oh, stupid
I'm trying to find one.
Hold up.
Oww! Stop!
God, why is everyone
so unhelpful around here?
- Ahh!
- Ooh.
Damn allergies!
Oh
Oh, my God, It has allergies.
The-the sneezing and the-the dancing
It's allergies!
It's allergies! Of course, God!
No wonder the infection's spreading.
Look at him!
Okay, we need to get
him before he gets us.
What? What are you talking about?
I don't want to get you!
- You don't want to kill us?
- No!
I don't even want to be here!
I was walking along
and I fell in this portal hole.
I remember I came out
somewhere around these things.
I- I-I am so allergic to these!
How do you live like this?
This dickatron with allergies
turned everyone into zombies
and ruined my date!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
I don't want to infect anyone. I just
I just wanna go home.
We can get you there.
We just need one thing first.
What part do we need?
His rib.
Our bones grow back
in a couple of days. It's kind of crazy.
Super painful, but, uh,
the good kind of pain, you know?
- Goggles?
- Check.
Call me Josh, by the way,
and mind the face.
Kinda swollen.
I'm actually quite the looker back home.
- Hm.
- Shears?
Check.
You ready?
Okay.
Aaah!!
I'm just messing with ya.
Here, let me.
Ah!
Gross.
Whoo
Sorry for stabbing you like that.
No biggie. Thanks for your help.
- Think I know my way home now.
- Okay.
Cannot wait to clear these sinuses!
Oh, it's okay.
Oh, my God. It was kind of a weird one.
Guys, I missed one!
There's another monster.
Yeah, we know. He just left.
It was Jzz
Josh.
Super nice guy, actually.
You mean this guy?
Damn!
- He was not kidding!
- Mm.
Listen, team, team
I'm sorry, okay?
The game went on extra innings.
I got distracted.
Hm.
It's never going to
happen again. I promise.
You know, it's okay, actually.
We managed pretty okay on our own.
Yeah.
You're pretty good at
this, you know that?
Oh, wait. What about
all those dancing zombie people?
Oh, don't worry about that.
Josh's power is like a
cold. Just sleep it off.
Like I'm about to.
I am exhausted! It
has really been a day.
Okay, let's take these off.
Like, I can't believe
we didn't see that at first.
I know, right?
Oh, whose audition sucked the worst?
Okay, you mean besides
for all the dancing?
Michelle was losing her mind.
Ah, yes!
Some people were actually
kind of surprising, though.
Hm.
So, tell me about your date.
Details.
It was good.
Uh-huh?
- Okay, we kissed.
- What!?
Oh, my God, my best friend got kissed!
- That's right. I got kissed!
- I got kissed!
- No way!
- Yes, girl!
Shut up!
I am so stoked for you!
Hey, what if we like each other
for real, though?
I don't think I could handle it.
Uh You'll be fine.
You just stabbed a guy for his rib.
Yeah, you're right.
Ah, God, we're cool.
Mm-hm.
We should get
Matching tattoos!
- I was thinking the same thing!
- I was thinking the same thing!
I knew you were. I knew you were.
- No way!
- Wait!
- What?
- Wait, I have a better idea.
Hm? Oh!
And down.
Yeah, I know it's a monster thing,
but I'm pretty good at it.
I would say. What was that again?
And drop!
No, no, no. More hips, more hips.
- Okay.
- Like
Da-na-na-na-na, and
That's the last of it.
Another spatial disturbance.
Weird.
You have paint on your face.
What do you want?
You left these
In the rec room.
I thought it was trash at first,
but then I saw your name.
Hm. Still
You should keep them.
They're going to be
worth something someday
very soon.
Ho
and Lilly Save the World.
Yeah!
I love us.
I love us too, Lils.
Portals weaken the
architecture of the universe.
It's the monster
You are about to embark
on a very special journey.
I can see through floors, now?
You're a good friend.
Do you maybe want to go out with me?
Yeah.
I'll need some recruits for our work.
That's my specialty.
You want to play shitbird?
Let's play.
Hello?
I've got mace!
It was one night.
You couldn't make the commitment.
You know how disappointing that is?
Youth Group is good for you!
Okay.
I just think that expanding
your social circle
is a good idea.
My circles
are fine, thanks.
The least you could do is try!
Well, I'm trying not to be late
for school, okay?
Good bye. Mwah.
Me?
Ugh, save me!
I think he really
wants us to come over there.
Chaz Borkin hasn't talked to us
since eighth grade.
Ugh, he's probably being a dick somehow.
Hah.
Stop!
How dare you look so radiant right now!
Oh, yeah, I know.
Uh! I woke up this
morning and I was, like,
"Do I have super senses
and the power of clear skin?"
Anything's possible.
I swear, they're gonna make
a movie about us one day.
Astrid and Lilly:
Saving Humanity
with their Super Cute
and Sexy Super Powers.
Is it a new dance trend?
I think they want us to go over there.
Why? To dance with them?
Oh, maybe we should look it up.
You know, just in case
anyone wants us for their
video, or something.
Yeah, yeah, to-totally. Just in case.
Yeah.
Where's Jonas?
Sit down.
Everybody listen up!
I have something
really serious to tell you about Jonas.
He's, uh
He's gone to L.A. to be the next Banksy.
Didn't see that coming.
I have his letter here,
his artist's statement.
We'll probably never see him again
because he'll have to be
forever anonymous.
Secrecy is everything in street art.
In his absence, though,
I will be taking over
the directorial chair
for the school play,
if anyone cares.
Now, I don't see any actor types here,
but tell your attractive friends.
This year's play will
be better than ever!
Hm.
She ruins everything.
Uh.
All right, honey, have a good day.
I packed you extra coffee, just in case.
Thank you. I feel like such a zombie.
Oh, by the way, Michelle agreed
to be our godparent,
depending on her
schedule. Isn't that cool?
Wait, uh Hold on.
Depending on
her schedule?
Well, she's got a lot going on.
We can't expect her
to just drop everything
and look after our baby.
Wait, but isn't that the whole point of
being a godparent?
You know, I still don't
know why you asked her.
It's not like we're friends.
That's how we become friends.
Okay.
Bye.
Hey, Astrid!
You're fast!
It's how I evade my enemies.
But not you. Never you.
Do you have a boyfriend?
I j-just saw some-some dude
picking you up the other day.
I didn't know if that was
your boyfriend or something?
Oh, Brutus?
No! No, no, no. Oh, my God, no.
Definitely not.
That guy is, like
Yeah, do not worry about it.
I am single.
Very single.
Well, not in a lame way,
like, in a normal way.
'Cause I am normal.
Well, since
you're single
and normal,
do you, uh
do-do you, do you wanna
go on that date tonight?
I think I can clear my schedule.
I mean, if you're busy, th-that's fine.
No! I'm-I'm joking.
I am not busy.
I'm-I'm, like, never busy.
Not in a lame way. In a normal way.
You are the least normal
girl I know, Astrid.
I'll, uh, I'll call you tonight.
Yeah? Okay.
My God!
It's really happening!
I am going on a real date
with a real Sparrow.
What are you gonna do?
No idea.
- I should bring condoms.
- It's your first date.
So?
We're young, attractive youth
with palpable sexual tension.
And I guess you have been planning
for this to happen for a long time.
And I have been planning for
this to happen for a long time.
How many times do we have to
tell you not to do that?
What if someone saw you?
No one saw me! Ouch!
- So violent.
- What's that?
- This?
- Allergy meds.
Something on Earth is making me
really goddamn itchy.
I've got a rash all
the way down to my
All right.
- Ahh
- Brutus! Don't litter.
You better not be giving us
any monster homework.
Somebody named Astrid
has a date tonight.
- With the bird person?
- Mm-mm.
Well, if you need any ideas
for activities, I'm your guy.
I have a whole list of things
I want to do while I'm on Earth.
- Shoe shopping.
- Mm.
The laundromat, which I think
is a sort of ride
and something
called pegging.
Ooh, maybe we could go together?
Like a little three-way?
Oh, so much to unpack there.
- No-no, thank you.
- Hm.
Oh, wait, so, there's
no monster to look out for?
No!
Happy to report there's
been no new breaches,
so I say we take the night off.
Ah! No new breaches, no new breaches!
And you
You enjoy that date.
I don't know who the other 36 women are,
but you are definitely
getting a rose tonight.
Everything on TV isn't real, Brutus.
Ha! Nice try.
Get that rose!
Do-do-do-do-do.
What the hell?!
Okay, you're gonna get
yourself concussed!
Hey, Carla! It turns out
can't have enough of these things.
Frankie Jr. is going
through 'em like lava fire.
Oh, yeah.
Big congrats, huh?
You two must be over the moon.
Hey, uh, you haven't noticed anything
weird going on around here
today, have you?
Not today.
I thought this place
was crawling with spiders
the other day, but it was just
my dang imagination.
I must need a vacation.
Tell me about it.
Hey, would you mind keeping
your eye out for anything?
Some kid just hit his head
off the window out there.
Might be drugs.
And put it on my tab.
Hey!
I got a 10-31 on Main.
It's a grey sedan.
They fled with OTC painkillers.
I couldn't get a read on the plate.
On that note, does anybody have
any report on a strange street drug?
Shit, you think they're turning
over-the-counter pain meds
into a drug?
People are acting
pretty crazy around here
and baby painkillers?
That is a narcotic!
Hey guys: Drew here thinks
there's a new drug conspiracy in town!
Yeah, we're not on HBO, man.
Stick to traffic tickets.
- But I
- That's an order!
Small town know-nothing!
Oh, no.
Are you okay?
No, no. No, no.
They stepped out in front of me.
Wha? Whoa, whoa!
You shouldn't be standing on that leg!
Are you all right?
Wait
What are you doing?
Okay
Back up!
No drugs, my butt, Chief!
Hm
Ours is sluggish.
How quickly is yours spreading?
Yeesh, I wasn't gonna
copy you or anything.
Aw, you got matching tatts.
Lab partner bonding thing?
Okay, good talk.
That's every day this week.
There's a lot to see.
It's, uh space.
What about the other students
who want to use the telescope?
You're not leaving any time for them.
Where?
Look, Eggs
I'm worried that you're not
experiencing the full range of
Things to experience in high school.
No, thank you, I would like to
book the telescope for tonight.
It'll look good on your
transcript diversify!
Auditions for the play are tonight.
Why not give that a shot, huh?
I don't know how to act.
Anyone can act.
I'll get Miss Berry to
put aside some books
at the library for you.
Think of it as an experiment.
And, also, Michelle asked me
if I could get more students
to audition for the play and
I really want her to like me.
Okay, I'll, uh, I'll do
it, but only for you.
Yes!
Dorkapalooza sign-up!
Ass!
Sorry, Tate's girlfriend!
I have a name!
It's like I wouldn't exist
if I wasn't his girlfriend.
You didn't have to say anything.
I'm signing up for set dec.
It is kind of dorkapalooza.
Honestly, just sign up
for whatever you want.
Screw everyone else.
Hm.
See ya.
Oh! Good job.
Straight down to the basement, okay?
Somebody did her homework.
Oh, Candy, honey, um
I am going to be later
than I thought tonight,
but, uh, guess what?
I've booked us mani-pedis.
Love you!
- Oh!
- Oh! Good grief, Tom,
don't be so creepy.
Come on, Big C. Scripture says
we need to share good things
with one another,
like the old basement
chapel, for example.
I'm getting pretty tired
of running a bake sale
out of my trunk every weekend.
Mm. Well, maybe that's
just where the good Lord
intended you sell your crap, Tom.
In the parking lot.
What are you doing down there, anyway?
What's the big secret?
Secrets are
Great One, the supplies
that you requested are here,
so I will
leave you to rest.
You seem troubled.
Oh,
it's just earthly annoyances.
You don't need to concern yourself.
Don't lose faith.
If you stay the course with me,
you'll have all the power
you ever could have wanted.
And you'll find certain
annoyances
cease to exist.
Um
I didn't see you mentioned
anywhere in the bible.
Does it matter?
Can I make my own title?
Interesting.
I'm sure that can be arranged.
I'll need a fresh bath.
This is starting to turn.
Thank you for asking.
Besides science, I have to say
my three favorite hobbies
are dessert bars,
finding interesting Korean food
and improv.
And speaking of improv
Oh, sorry. Better get this.
Hey! I was just talking about improv.
Again?
Hey, you haven't noticed anything weird
with the students today, have you?
Things are always a
little weird, sweetie.
No, no, I'm worried that
there's a new drug going around.
Earlier, I saw somebody
dance into the street
and they got hit. They
didn't even flinch!
Everywhere I go today,
there's people dancing.
It's like they're not
even there mentally.
It's gotta be drugs.
Can you hear that?
About the drugs?
It's probably a trend.
People love to dance.
I don't know.
This is different.
Oh, my God.
Spidey senses going off.
So glad you said that.
I just kicked a can of paint
through the art room window.
Everyone's pissed.
My super-hearing went off
and I could hear Frick's entire
phone conversation.
Frickin' whoa.
The cop thinks people are
acting weird because of drugs.
But that doesn't explain
our powers going off.
Why'd you kick a can of paint?
Well, it was in my way.
I- I didn't think
it would fly across the room!
And get this:
the cop says that the
drug people were all dancing.
No, that's just the
stupid new dance trend!
I've actually been learning the moves.
Okay, we should confirm
with Brutus, just in case.
If there's a new monster,
I want to button it up quick
'cause I have a boy to make out with!
Oh, okay, fine, you're right.
It's more important.
I just got excited
about the dance moves.
You know, it just felt nice
to be a part of something.
Yeah, you know. Uh.
Brutus!
Ah, crap. He's not here.
He really needs a phone.
No, seriously: what could
be more important than this?
Mm, mm
Okay, so, what clues
do we have besides dancing?
Oh! We should really teach him
about a garbage can.
There's nothing about dancing.
These are all in monster language.
You know, maybe it is drugs?
Maybe our powers are, like,
malfunctioning or something?
Brutus did warn us they'd be unreliable.
Maybe we should do some more recon,
just to be safe. Head back to school?
- I can't.
- I got that date tonight!
Oh, right!
Um, okay. Uh, I'll go solo.
Well, don't feel like
you, like, have to.
No, it's okay.
I wanted to watch the
auditions, anyways.
I don't know how you could
sit through those things.
It's just Valerie looking for any excuse
to cry on command.
There's some nice people.
Ah, well, just call me
if you see anything.
But I might be busy.
Mm.
Oh, yes, yes, okay.
Mm. Sparrow! Oh!
Bye.
Bye, Mom! I'm not home for dinner!
Expanding my social circle,
like you wanted!
- What?
- Okay, cool. Bye!
Weird.
The tip of the tongue,
the teeth, the lips.
The tip of the tongue,
the teeth, the lips.
Ma-ma-ma.
Listen up! Director speaking!
So
you're all here to audition for a part
in Romeo and Juliet,
a Michelle Knight
Shakespeare collab.
Thank you.
Now, personally,
I'm not a big theater person,
so when I saw Jonas
planned to do Romeo and Juliet,
and not even the Leo version, I thought,
"No way I'm reading that.
It's old. And long."
You're not changing the play, are you?
Because I prepared
specifically for it, so
Take a pill, Val, okay, I'm not
changing your precious play.
- Mm-hm.
- I'm adapting it.
I thought I would take some inspo
from my two weeks abroad in Australia
and send Romeo and Juliet
"down unda."
It'll be set in Australia.
You can't edit The Bard!
Okay, enough talking. Time to warm up!
Fine. Zip, zap, zop!
What? No!
Jumping jacks. Let's go!
What the? Jumping jacks?
Okay.
Kinda dusty!
My instrument?
Did you get those as, like,
crew bonding things?
Oh, okay. Yeah. Never mind.
We can, uh, get to
know each other later.
[THUMPING
Whoa, my God!
Suprisingly, very high-octane.
This place is the best.
Mm, yeah.
You're pretty good on those, huh?
Oh, thanks. Yeah, I used to
ice skate with my dad.
Oh.
Which is, like, kind of the same thing.
Cute. When was that?
A very long time ago.
Thank you.
Oh, my God.
Brutus?
Sorry, I thought I saw somebody.
Mm.
Mm. Don't know why,
but crinkle cut just tastes better.
You serious? Wedge is
definitely the best.
- You're a wedge man?
- I'm a wedge man.
I gotta go.
So, what kind of fries
does your iguana like?
I mean flies!
Nice. Nice.
How'd you know I have an iguana?
You're not spying on me,
are you, Astrid?
Wait. You just seem like an iguana guy.
Weird?
Not in, like, a bad way.
It's okay, people find
reptiles weird but I like 'em.
They're, like, little
monsters, you know?
They don't really fit in.
Guess I can relate.
I get that.
Maybe I'm an iguana guy, too?
I don't know if I could
date you if you weren't!
In fact, it's Philbert
you're really going to
have to be impressing.
- Philbert!?
- Mm. Yeah.
He's a very, very difficult
lizard to win over.
Wait, his name is Philbert?
Yeah, it makes sense
when you meet him, I promise.
Ketchup?
Yeah, ketchup.
- Ketchup.
- Mm-hm.
Tonight, I'll be performing a monologue
as my favorite action movie
character, Dominic Toretto,
from Fast and the Furious.
I never narc'd on nobody!
I never narc'd on nobody!
Put the nitro in there.
Hey, um
have you seen Tate?
Uh, no. I-I didn't think
theater was Tate's thing.
It's not.
He just said he'd be here, though.
Hopefully you didn't plan
the same monologue as this guy.
Yeah, this is for my family!
Yep.
Stop!
Who's next?
To be or not to be,
That is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
To suffer the slings and arrows
I haven't seen you audition before.
- Uh
- I'm an actor now.
For science.
Huh?
It's my first time.
I've been an actor for about, um
Uh, six hours?
Oh! Okay.
So you're just starting
your journey, then.
You know, it takes,
like, a lifetime of work
to master the
the craft.
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
It doesn't seem that hard.
I- I think anybody can act.
Next.
Eggs.
I guess it's my turn now.
Sometime,
shark go away.
Sometime he don't go away.
Sometimes
that shark, he look right into ya.
Right into your eyes.
You know, the thing about a shark,
he got lifeless eyes.
Black eyes, like, um
like a doll's eyes.
When he coming at ya,
it don't even look like he's livin'
'til he bites ya.
Hm.
Uh, Quint.
Jaws.
Who is this man?
Ooh, I know this one.
Ow!
Oh, sorry. I-I-I can get it.
Ooh! Ow!
Ohh,
it is a monster thing.
Look out!
It's contagious?!
Astrid? Uh, sorry if you're busy.
Mm, you look good.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Whuh.
- Whoa.
You're kind of awesome.
Um
Yeah, so are you.
That, um, was really
Ah!!
- Shit!
- Are you okay?
Oh, my God! Uh.
Hey, watch where you're going!
That dance.
Is this a flash mob?
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Uh. We need to leave.
- Like, right now.
- Wait, wait. What?
Yeah. I forgot, um, I have um
I have to meet Lilly at school.
Like, right now!
- You don't have to meet Lilly.
- I'm so sorry.
Okay, go home! Like, right now!
Astrid!
What?
- You, go in there!
- Please.
You, please don't sneeze on me!
Oh! Gesundheit.
Up next
Told you it was dusty.
Valerie.
I thought she was supposed to be good?
Is this interpretive?
What am I watching?
Oh, my God.
Oh, shit! Val!
Ow.
Go on! Git! Git, git. Go on!
Uh! I'm not auditioning!
This is not an audition.
Come on. Shoo, shoo
I know, but
you said you'd come.
I'm not saying that soccer's
less important, I just
Ha, ho, whoo.
Well, it is to me.
Yeah.
Okay.
Sorry, I was just
Oh, it-it's fine. Um
Tate never showed up.
Oh, sorry.
He doesn't
He doesn't really get that
this is important to me.
You know, even though
I told him, like
like a million times.
Mm.
Whatever. Um
No, he's your boyfriend.
He should support you.
I don't think he got the memo.
I just get so sick of his
shit, you know? But
But it's Tate.
Now, I can't not be with him.
You know, we're meant to be together.
Everyone says so.
You know, we're supposed to be
this perfect couple.
Look, screw everyone else, remember?
You don't need Tate.
You're gonna nail it.
Thanks.
Why do you have a broom?
Oh, it's a prop.
Do me a favor?
Don't get sneezed on, okay?
Sure.
So, before you come back here
with another lame-ass offer,
I want you to think real hard
about what your spine
is worth, Mr. Walker.
Or-or-or what you might expect
someone to pay you
for a uterus, Miss Sanchez.
And then you take out your calculator,
then you multiply that number by 100.
Anything less than that
is a waste of our time!
Erin Brockovich.
Well, honestly, I'd
make a better Juliet,
but, fine
Uh.
Okay, what took you so long?
Sorry! Candace was auditioning.
Ew. Did she suck? Ah, who cares?
Um, where's Sparrow?
I had to cut the roller rink short.
Fingers crossed he's not mad at me.
Okay. Look for sneezing.
That's how it's spreading.
Okay.
Well, I did my best to
quarantine the school.
- Oh! Remember Chaz Borkin?
- Mm-hm.
My mom told me he danced
into his lawnmower.
He lost a foot!
- What?!
- Yes!
Oh, my God, we need to find
and kill this thing
before it infects the whole town!
Or us. Into the lawn mower?
- Mm-hm.
- Ahh.
- Oh, okay, here.
- What?
Three noses sneeze attack.
Ah, it's not really a sneeze attack.
I- i-it's the whole, you know,
dancing thing.
Okay!
Sorry. Umm
Okay, uh, what about this?
Jzzxxshh?
Says it causes fast-spreading
personality loss.
Victims take on attributes
and actions of the monster.
It's like the zombie
copy cats. Zopy cats!
That would explain the brainless
Night of the Living Dance vibes.
Honestly, I'm pissed at this Jzzz
Jsz-xhsh.
What the Whatever it is!
'Cause it ruined my date.
Yep, you're right.
Not cool. Let's go kick its ass.
I'll check Brutus's one more time.
I'll get supplies.
Okay.
Let's see
Yes. Okay, good.
Extra large. Great!
One, two of them, I guess.
What do I need? What do I need?
Sure.
Incredible. Okay.
Ah-ha!
Doing some shopping?
Hazmat suits. Gloves.
What's next? Baby painkillers?
I'm not involved in any
drug thing, Officer!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Who said anything about drugs?
You know more than you let on.
Yeah, I don't!
I was in Frick's class
when you were talking about it
and I'm just
What was that?
Oh, they're inside.
No, Carla.
You too?
Okay, um, take these! And, uh, this!
And don't touch any of
the zo Drug people.
Is there a contact high?
I had a feeling something
like this was spreading.
- Yes, defs that.
- Yeah.
Ready?
No, Regina, get away,
get away, get away!
You get Get outta here!
I wanted to be asked to join things,
but not like this!
Get out of my
waaaay!
Drew, go. Come on!
You have joined together
in service
of something bigger than you, now.
Together
we will do
unimaginable things.
Oh, hey!
I'm back!
No sign of Brutus, though.
I thought we bonded back there!
I totally saved your ass!
The teamwork, that was great,
but you're still under arrest.
For what?!
For whatever the hell is going on here!
What happened?
We ran into a bunch of zopy cats!
- What? Oh.
- But I did get supplies.
I've apprehended a suspect
in the potential drug ring
and I'm bringing her in.
Drew, there ain't a drug ring!
This is Coppers Cove,
not some true crime docuseries.
Respectfully, I think
I'm onto something.
Not good enough, Sherlock.
Last thing we need is another lawsuit.
Let her go!
- Mmm
- Did it get you?
Mm-mm.
Hm.
What is that?
Pill capsule?
I saw one at the roller rink.
From Brutus?
Hey, Officer, where'd
you find that thing?
This? Coppers Park.
They're littered all over the place.
I thought it had
something to do with the drugs.
Why? What do you know about it?
Nothing.
Fine.
Well, I guess I gotta let you go.
Did Brutus have Coppers Park
on his to-do list?
Hey, I-I think we look pretty badass.
- Oh! Lilly, look.
- What?
Oh!
Oh, my God. My nose is going crazy.
What if we follow these
and it leads us to Brutus?
Oh, I hope not
because I'm so ready
to kick Jsszh's ass!
Yeah.
Oh!
Oh, my God.
Come on. We gotta go.
Okay.
Oh, oh my
Oh, stupid
I'm trying to find one.
Hold up.
Oww! Stop!
God, why is everyone
so unhelpful around here?
- Ahh!
- Ooh.
Damn allergies!
Oh
Oh, my God, It has allergies.
The-the sneezing and the-the dancing
It's allergies!
It's allergies! Of course, God!
No wonder the infection's spreading.
Look at him!
Okay, we need to get
him before he gets us.
What? What are you talking about?
I don't want to get you!
- You don't want to kill us?
- No!
I don't even want to be here!
I was walking along
and I fell in this portal hole.
I remember I came out
somewhere around these things.
I- I-I am so allergic to these!
How do you live like this?
This dickatron with allergies
turned everyone into zombies
and ruined my date!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
I don't want to infect anyone. I just
I just wanna go home.
We can get you there.
We just need one thing first.
What part do we need?
His rib.
Our bones grow back
in a couple of days. It's kind of crazy.
Super painful, but, uh,
the good kind of pain, you know?
- Goggles?
- Check.
Call me Josh, by the way,
and mind the face.
Kinda swollen.
I'm actually quite the looker back home.
- Hm.
- Shears?
Check.
You ready?
Okay.
Aaah!!
I'm just messing with ya.
Here, let me.
Ah!
Gross.
Whoo
Sorry for stabbing you like that.
No biggie. Thanks for your help.
- Think I know my way home now.
- Okay.
Cannot wait to clear these sinuses!
Oh, it's okay.
Oh, my God. It was kind of a weird one.
Guys, I missed one!
There's another monster.
Yeah, we know. He just left.
It was Jzz
Josh.
Super nice guy, actually.
You mean this guy?
Damn!
- He was not kidding!
- Mm.
Listen, team, team
I'm sorry, okay?
The game went on extra innings.
I got distracted.
Hm.
It's never going to
happen again. I promise.
You know, it's okay, actually.
We managed pretty okay on our own.
Yeah.
You're pretty good at
this, you know that?
Oh, wait. What about
all those dancing zombie people?
Oh, don't worry about that.
Josh's power is like a
cold. Just sleep it off.
Like I'm about to.
I am exhausted! It
has really been a day.
Okay, let's take these off.
Like, I can't believe
we didn't see that at first.
I know, right?
Oh, whose audition sucked the worst?
Okay, you mean besides
for all the dancing?
Michelle was losing her mind.
Ah, yes!
Some people were actually
kind of surprising, though.
Hm.
So, tell me about your date.
Details.
It was good.
Uh-huh?
- Okay, we kissed.
- What!?
Oh, my God, my best friend got kissed!
- That's right. I got kissed!
- I got kissed!
- No way!
- Yes, girl!
Shut up!
I am so stoked for you!
Hey, what if we like each other
for real, though?
I don't think I could handle it.
Uh You'll be fine.
You just stabbed a guy for his rib.
Yeah, you're right.
Ah, God, we're cool.
Mm-hm.
We should get
Matching tattoos!
- I was thinking the same thing!
- I was thinking the same thing!
I knew you were. I knew you were.
- No way!
- Wait!
- What?
- Wait, I have a better idea.
Hm? Oh!
And down.
Yeah, I know it's a monster thing,
but I'm pretty good at it.
I would say. What was that again?
And drop!
No, no, no. More hips, more hips.
- Okay.
- Like
Da-na-na-na-na, and
That's the last of it.
Another spatial disturbance.
Weird.
You have paint on your face.
What do you want?
You left these
In the rec room.
I thought it was trash at first,
but then I saw your name.
Hm. Still
You should keep them.
They're going to be
worth something someday
very soon.
Ho