D-Frag! (2014) s01e04 Episode Script

[TAKAO chuckles]
[TAKAO grunts]
[KAZAMA]
Hm?
[KAZAMA yells]
Secret slash attack!
[KAZAMA]
That's a reasonable response.
[CHITOSE] What is Takao's
Secret Slash Attack, you ask?
The signature method
by which Takao channels
jiggly-jug kinetic energy to
create an offensive strike!
The technique has
been passed down
the Takao family line
for generations!
Alas, it is a move that only
those with gigantic jigglers
can hope to master.
Boys, men and members
of the doors-with-no-knockers
club need not apply.
Well, it goes something
like that, anyway.
Ugh. Damn the Takao women
and their shapely bazongas!
That backstory can
hardly support itself!
[ROKA] Uh, 'kay.
Let's begin, shall we?
Pursuant to the topic
on our official name,
as per previous discussion,
I move we brainstorm.
Yay!
[ROKA] Please write your
ideas on the dry erase boards
in front of you,
and remember: no judgments.
[sound of marker squeaking]
[CHITOSE]
Heh.
[KAZAMA]
Oh, come on. Saturn?
Little too "spacey,"
don'tcha think?
Hm? Is the solar system
over your head there, chief?
[KAZAMA] It's over all of
our heads, ya' dirt freak.
Objection! It's too cool!
Seriously?
[SAKURA] Me next!
Get a load of this one!
All right, I see what you
did there, workin' in
your elemental power.
But what's up with the?
Adorable dolphin.
[KAZAMA]
Never mind.
[KAZAMA] How do you even
know what we're doing?!
Objection: too cool,
too random, or too cute.
[KAZAMA] Great. So far, that's
a thumbs down on everything.
No pressure, Kazama,
but apparently
it all comes down to you now.
[KAZAMA]
Uh--me?
Yes. Do your
new friends proud.
[ALL]
Pedestrian.
[KAZAMA] Son of a
Cut me some slack, will ya?
It's not snappy,
but it's accurate!
Uh, actually I think his
is the best one so far.
[KAZAMA] Whoa. You have
a good side after all.
Oh Thanks.
I agree wholeheartedly.
You distilled the true essence
of this club like a poet.
It's a little too late
for that. But nice try.
Yeah. I hate to break it to you,
since you're so excited.
But the club's official name
has been on the books
for a while now.
[ALL]
What?
Then why did you let us sit
here like a bunch of idiots
thinking up a new one?
You were having
so much fun,
last thing I wanted to do
was cramp your style.
[KAZAMA]
How are you a teacher?
Is it really all that
shocking to you
that a club's name is
decided when it's formed?
Yes! I mean,
no, whatever.
So what name does the
school have us under?
Officially, you're the Game
Creation Club, Provisional.
[ALL]
"Provisional"? Really?
[TAKAO giggles]
[TAKAO]
Yay! Woo-hoo!
We can call you
the Provisionals!
Why, you!
Shut up, Fun Bags!
[KAZAMA groans]
[ROKA] I think, uh, I think
we can work with it, right?
Mm. Sure, not like we
have much of a choice.
But it sums us up pretty well.
[CHITOSE] What is
that supposed to mean?
[ROKA] Are you implying
we're short-term?
I'm not trying
to imply anything!
[KAZAMA]
Just hoping.
Hey, you guys?
Look, I I'm sorry. It wasn't
very cool of me to laugh.
That's okay.
Kenji, you too.
Oh. Yeah.
Right. So we're good.
Heh. You gotta admit
she's kinda adorable.
'Specially when she's all
Yeah?
Secret Move:
Eye Jab of Darkness!
[KAZAMA screams]
[YOKOSHIMA] Man, you sure
you oughta be skippin' out
on that game club o' yours?
Don't worry about it.
It's not like I have to be
there every day or anything.
Yeah, right. Look at
you tryin' to act
like you don't live for it.
Now you're just bein' stupid.
Heads up. Street gang.
[YOKOSHIMA]
What're we?
[NAGAYAMA]
Right. My bad.
Dudes! You gotta walk
all shoulder-to-shoulder?
[GANG MEMBER]
Eh?
Don't engage with them!
They're the Band of
Fourteen Devils!
Ataru?
[YOKOSHIMA]
Alrighty.
[ATARU] Of all the gangs
at Fujou Academy,
these guys are hands down the
most feared, the most dangerous!
Why call themselves a band?
Wait, are you saying they
use instruments as weapons?
[ATARU] Worse! They hog the
rhythm games at local arcades!
Not even kids from
other schools are safe!
[KAZAMA] Okay,
how is that worse?!
[toy bear squeaks]
Hey. You got some kinda
problem with us, Ginger Snap?
Wait. I recognize
these little skid marks.
They're the hillbillies
nobody's been talking about.
[KAZAMA]
Even these guys?
You don't wanna
take that tone, champ.
'Less you're aimin'
to learn firsthand
the kind of hell
a Devil can bring.
[ROKA]
"Let the adventure begin!
Soar to the outer reaches
of the known universe
in search of space porn!"
We need four players
for this game.
The number of people required
is a bit of a limitation.
Definitely room for improvement;
no argument there.
One, two, three four!
Untie me right now! I'm not
playing your filthy game!
Do all members get forcibly
detained like this?
Oh! It was awful!
Poor, poor Kenji.
The Band of Fourteen Devils
used him as a punching bag!
So in order to save yourself,
you just left him there alone?
Beg your pardon.
Someone has to keep the
information pipeline flowing.
That, madam, and I'm
a lover, not a fighter.
[ALL]
You're an idiot.
Right! Rally the troops!
We've got a man in trouble!
Wait! I can't butt in!
Kazama's a thug. If I intervene
it'll damage his street cred!
Who gives a flip
about street cred?
A club member's in distress!
You're the leader!
For cryin' out loud,
try to act like it!
Meh, he's a big boy.
I say let him clean up his
own mess. Who cares?
He'll be fine.
[TAKAO]
Stay out of this!
Well? What's it gonna be, then?
[ROKA]
Bathroom.
Bathroom?
[ROKA]
I have to pee!
Right now?
[ROKA] When you
head-butted me the pressure
from your big bazooms
squeezed my bladder!
There's not a lot of room
in there to begin with.
Yeah, I get it, thanks!
[ROKA] Um. Hey, guys
Would you
Would you mind coming
with me, please?
[BOTH]
Hm?
Uh. If you need us
There's safety in numbers!
[ALL THREE]
Bye. We're off to pee.
[ROKA] Pick up the pace, ladies.
I can't hold it much longer.
Oh my gosh.
That girl, I swear.
Wait! Get back
here and untie me!
Um, excuse me.
A little help?
[TAKAO] Why are you smiling?
Stop it, that's creepy!
Look, contrary to what
you might like to believe,
not everyone enjoys this!
Quit looking at me like that!
Oh god, now I have to pee!
Oh, for the love of--
somebody help!
[KAZAMA groans]
[ODAWARA laughs]
Welcome back.
I gotta hand it to ya,
it took guts
standin' up to us when
there was only three of you.
I mean, seriously. We're the
Band of Fourteen Devils!
[KAZAMA] Man, who knew a bunch
o' hipster arcade jockeys
could hold their own in a fight?
[ODAWARA] Tch. You prob'ly
think we're a bunch
o' hipster arcade jockeys
or somethin', yeah?
You'd be surprised how much
muscle a man can pack on
testin' his mettle
'gainst Bongo Blitz.
And one day, Fujou Academy
is gonna bow down to us!
Ah! Look at this, boss!
You're not gonna believe it!
Hey, stay out of
my bag, ya jerk!
[KAZAMA] I don't remember
puttin' anything in there.
[ODAWARA] Whoa!
What the hell is this?
I don't know!
[ALL] The Scramble for Porn Mags
in Space Game, Volume Two!
Why would she stuff that
stupid thing into my bag?
[KAZAMA] I don't really remember
why I became a delinquent.
Somebody pissed me off,
I'd take 'em down.
They'd start a fight,
I'd end it.
And this is where it gets me?
Nobody cares! I said
we're goin' first
and that's all there is to it!
[ODAWARA] Since when do you call
the shots around here, sun roof?
[GANG MEMBERS argue]
Yo, Kenji,
are you awake?
Yokoshima! Where's Nagayama?
Hangin' out.
Why the hell they have us
all tied up differently?
[KAZAMA grunts]
[KAZAMA] Crap. The ropes
are too tight to budge.
And here they all are
with their backs to me!
That game o' yours has 'em
all at each other's throats.
It's not my game, man.
She snuck it into my bag.
[GANG MEMBERS argue]
Point is, I'm the boss!
I call dibs on the first turn!
Get over yourself, Odawara!
Nobody here cares that
you think you're the boss!
[ODAWARA] Uh-uh. He did not
just go there! That's messed up!
And besides, man,
a good leader should know
when it's time for
him to step aside!
Fine! It's a four-player game.
Let's break into groups
of four and work out
who goes first after that!
[ALL] That's not
stepping aside.
But it's actually a pretty
reasonable suggestion!
[ODAWARA laughs]
Idiots. There's nine of us here.
Which means we only got
enough for two teams.
Somebody's gonna get left out.
I wonder who it'll be.
[ODAWARA] Aw, come on!
Really, guys? Really?
[KAZAMA] How was he
ever their leader?
[TAKASAKI] Listen up!
The only way for us
to settle this now
is a battle of wills!
[THREE GANG MEMBERS]
A battle of wills?
Yup. And I say whoever
has the will to show
how badly he wants to play
first takes home the gold.
To start. Lemme show ya what
I'm prepared to put down.
A candid shot of Funabori!
[GANG MEMBERS]
It just got real!
[MYOKAKU]
Oh, baby!
Who won the Unofficial
Domestic Goddess Pageant
two years running?
You did! You did!
[KAZAMA] Who?
[HAIJIMA] And it's a shot
of her looking all flustered
in the kitchen! We're talking
rarest of the rare, gentlemen!
[TAKASAKI chuckles]
[MATSUHISA] You're a
freak, Takasaki.
But I'm no fool. I know
you're dead serious.
If I back down now,
I'm gonna look like a wuss.
Alright, then! You're
putting down Funabori--
I'll do you one better!
Check it, punk! Takao from
the Game Creation Club, in P.E.!
[GANG MEMBERS]
Ah! It just got real-er!
[MYOKAKU] Fellas,
I'm gonna need a minute.
[HAIJIMA]
Those knockers!
[TAKASAKI]
She's perfect!
[KODAMA]
Good god!
[KAZAMA] Yikes.
Somebody's got a fan club.
[MATSUHISA]
That's my bid, gentlemen.
If you can up the ante,
go for it! Ha!
[TAKASAKI]
Incredible!
[MYOKAKU] Such an
amazing force of will!
[KAZAMA]
Hm.
Penny for your
thoughts, dude?
Mm. Nothin'. I was just
wonderin' how she'd feel
knowing that a
bunch of morons
were fallin' all over
themselves to play her game.
[YOKOSHIMA]
How who'd feel?
[KAZAMA] No one.
Don't worry about it.
[YOKOSHIMA]
Eh
[ODAWARA] This is it,
isn't it? I'm finished.
Cast out like a busted fight
stick. I have to do something.
That's it!
Eyes on me, ladies!
Your old boss is teaming
up with the new guys!
What?!
Yeah! That's right,
the battle's just beginning!
[GANG MEMBERS]
He must be desperate.
Look, I don't think
this is a good idea.
I'm beggin' ya, man!
No! Don't do that!
I'm not playing
that game, alright?
Don't get all high
and mighty on me, bro!
It was your game to begin with!
Damn it, I told
you it wasn't!
Whatcha got 'gainst having
fun with new friends, huh?
Since when are
you and I friends?
Look, if you're their leader,
then it's up to you
to fix this problem.
Uh Yeah.
Guy's got a point.
Ya know what?
To hell with this stupid game!
Why did you do that?
What is wrong with you?
Shut up! Damn thing was
driving a wedge between us,
so I iced it!
You don't think I
wanted to play this game?
Priorities, people! We let some
damn RPG about space porn
get between us,
what's it all for?
I'm a bad guy. I am.
I'm sorry, boss.
I wasn't really gonna wager
Funabori's photo. I just
--[MYOKAKU] Leader!
--[KANEKO] We love you!
[TAKASAKI]
I just lost my head!
[HAIJIMA] Let's just go
back to the way thing were!
[ODAWARA]
Aw, you guys!
[ODAWARA] Man, I'm good.
The universe is back on track.
Sure, I didn't get
to play the game,
but hey, you can't
have everything--ow!
[KANEKO & ORIHARA]
Oh, no!
[TAKASAKI] Did he snap the ropes
with his own brute strength?
[KODAMA] Hey, you can't
attack our boss!
Look, I'm sorry.
I don't even really know
why I just did that.
[MYOKAKU] Huh? He's mumbling,
I can't hear 'im.
[HAIJIMA]
I say we beat him up!
[KAZAMA]
What's wrong with me?
Why'd I just lose my cool
there all of a sudden?
[CHITOSE] I say
we bury him alive.
[TAKASAKI]
Yeah! I like that!
[SAKURA] Ooh, we could
tie him to a cinder block
and drop him in a pool!
[HAIJIMA]
Whoa.
[ROKA]
I have a better idea.
We stuff him in a bag.
[TAKASAKI]
Oh, that's a good one!
Wait, hold up! Who the
hell are you people?
Who, us? Just a group
of girls that got lost
on their way back
from the bathroom.
Oh, that's a great
cover story, bravo.
[TAKASAKI]
What's going on?
[KODAMA] Ain't that the
student body president?
[HAIJIMA] Please don't
scratch me, Takao.
[KANEKO]
Please don't what?
[ODAWARA] What, uh, what brings
you ladies out here today?
You little bastard!
You sent for 'em, didn't you?
Yeah, cause that
makes sense.
[ALL FOUR] No, but we
did come to rescue him.
Traitor! No fair!
Does the bro code mean
nothing to you, man?
You can't bring
chicks into this!
Don't go there, boss!
Nobody here needs reminding
that we're hopelessly single!
[KAZAMA] Whoa, I think
you've got the wrong idea!
I gotta admit, this is
pretty big. I mean,
who'd've thought the president
would go for guy like him?
[CHITOSE]
What?
[ODAWARA] Oh, sorry!
I take it back!
So, uh, you're his girlfriend?
[SAKURA laughs]
[ODAWARA] I'll take
that as a no.
Then, you?
Indeed I am. We're islands
in the stream, he and I.
Held fast by an
indestructible bond
precious few can
hope to experience.
[ODAWARA] I'm gonna
take that as a no, too.
So that's gotta mean Takao is,
uh, kind of maybe Except
Ew, no! There's
nothing going on
between the two of us
and there never will be!
[KODAMA]
No!
[ODAWARA] I think we
have a winner, boys!
I am not Kazama's girlfriend!
[ODAWARA] Huh? Sorry.
Read too much into it. My bad.
[GANG MENBERS] But
then why did you girls
come here to
rescue this guy?
Well, because he's
[ALL THREE] a member
of the Game Creation Club!
[TAKAO winces]
Now, then. There's the
hard way and the easy way.
And 'cause of your
arcade shenanigans,
I'm leaning toward the hard.
Crap! These girls
are itching for a brawl.
What're we
supposed to do?
[TAKASAKI] This is
our big chance, boss!
What?
[TAKASAKI] If we take 'em out--
and I don't mean on a date--
Fujou Academy
will be ours!
You did not just
seriously say that!
Dude! We can't fight chicks!
What'll people think of us?
Stop being such
a pussy willow!
Hey, hey!
Look. If you wanna reign
supreme, you've gotta be
the most ruthless bastard alive!
Those are the rules!
You know what being
ruthless means, don't you?
It means doing
whatever it takes!
[ODAWARA]
Reign supreme
[percussive music plays]
[ODAWARA grunts]
[ODAWARA]
No, no, no!
Not this song!
I never get past it!
I'm not gonna make it.
Mind if I
help you out?
Komagawa!
That's cheating, ain't it?
Only if you play to win.
If you're just havin' fun,
who cares, right?
Hey. Whaddya say we show
this song who's boss?
Imagine how cool it'd
be if all The Devils
could find it in their
hearts to cooperate.
Get our own house in order and
the school would be a breeze.
Makes you stop an' think.
[ODAWARA] Mmm The school
would be a breeze
He was really onto somethin'
there. Miss you lots, bro.
Whatever it takes,
you guys! Get 'em!
[GANG MEMBERS]
Yes, sir!
That's what I'm
talkin' about!
[GANG MEMBERS]
Fight!
[CHITOSE laughs]
Trust me, guys, this is
not a good idea!
[HAIJIMA]
Damn! Kodama's out!
[MYOKAKU] Meh, he's just
the token runt we keep around
to have an even fourteen.
We got this, dude! Let's go!
[HAIJIMA]
Hey, President!
Try out our Ultimate
Twin Dragon Attack!
[MYOKAKU & HAIJIMA]
Dra! Dra! Dra! Dra! Dra! Dra!
[CHITOSE] I'm guessing the whole
idea is to annoy me to death?
Try mine on for size.
I call it "Dra to the head"!
[KAZAMA]
That's a door!
I need a vacation.
Maybe somewhere with
balloons and sausage?
[TAKASAKI] You're good,
I'll give you that.
But why the water? I'm not
seeing your thought process.
Oh, it's nothing fancy.
You see I sorta have
a weird thing about touching
people I think are groddy.
So I like to wash my
hands between bouts.
[TAKAO] Ooh! Girl knows
how to hit below the belt.
Hey. Focus on
the ropes, please.
Shut up, I'm working on it.
Hope you realize this is what
comes of acting like a thug.
Eh. Anyway, thanks.
You're my hero.
Yeah. You're welcome.
You owe me one.
Heh. Well, I'm good for
it whenever you need me.
We're going about this wrong.
Let's tie up the weak one first!
Straight up.
It's two against one!
Aw, c'mon!
Don't do this!
Please! Whatever
you want, it's yours!
Whoa! When you got your guy
on the mat, the fight's over.
He backed down!
It's finished! You win!
Ah? Oh, dear.
Where am I?
Geez, when you get serious,
it's like you're lost in your
own little world. It's weird.
[ODAWARA] No! It's you,
isn't it? You're the one!
I can tell from the way you use
that one-of-a-kind bag attack!
Of course!
There's all kinds of
stories about you!
You're the girl
who ended the fight
between the current president
and her predecessor!
The one who really
calls the shots!
Roka Shibasaki
a.k.a. "Ultimate Darkness!"
You're Fujou's
underground boss!
[KAZAMA] What the hell
is he talking about?
You're the underground
boss? Seriously?
[KAZAMA]
So, in other words,
she's the most powerful
person at school.
I would give anything--
anything--to have her life.
And that's really messed up.
[ROKA] It's not what you think!
I don't care about the power!
It means nothing to me!
I don't even know how I got it!
[ODAWARA] Heh
This's my chance!
She's wide open!
If I can defeat her now
I'll be king!
[ODAWARA roars]
Kazama, no!
[ODAWARA shudders]
[KAZAMA] Tch
You spineless coward!
Nobody raises a hand to
the president of my club!
[ROKA]
Uh, thank you very much.
If anyone should
say that, it's me.
Seriously, I owe
you big for this.
Oh, I was just doing my duty
as your club president.
[KAZAMA]
Ah. Okay.
[TAKAO sighs]
[CHITOSE & SAKURA giggle]
[ROKA] Okey-doke.
That's taken care of.
I propose we play a game!
[KAZAMA seethes]
[KAZAMA] When could
you have even made that?
[ROKA] Games are
evolving all the time.
[KAZAMA] Yeah, well,
guess what? I don't care!
I'm not playing it!
[ROKA] Sheesh. Calm down.
Why are you so upset?
[KAZAMA]
Because!
Hang in there, Kenji.
Things are gonna get a little
weird, but you got this.
Trust me.
[ATARU] Legend of the
Heroic Masochist, Ataru!
[ATARU & TAKAO]
Uhhh
[MINAMI] Sorry, kids.
I really don't think
I can let this one slide.
[TAKAO] You're a teacher!
Why do you have stun gun?
[MINAMI]
Self-defense, mostly.
Unbelievable.
All the slack I give you,
and you still have to push
the envelope. I swear.
Not to rock the boat here,
but I'm rather inclined
to think a stun gun
is pushing the envelope.
Please! Say something,
Vice President!
[ATARU shudders]
[ATARU] A jolt from that thing
could do some major damage.
So then, why
Why is my body aching
for her to zap the
everloving piss out of me?
[TAKAO]
What?
Ah, to hell with it! I'll take
what I've got coming! Charge!
[MINAMI]
Okay.
[TAKAO]
Idiot.
[zapping sound;
ATARU screams]
[ATARU]
Yeah, daddy's been bad!