Dan Da Dan (2024) s01e04 Episode Script

[eerie music playing]
KEEP OU
EPISODE FOUR
KICKING TURBO GRANNY'S ASS
You first, Okarun.
No, ladies first. I insist.
[baby voice] But what if I start cryin'?
You're such a faker.
We both go, fair and square.
[water dripping]
[Momo] Hey, you're behind me now!
How's that fair?
[Okarun] Now you're behind me!
We're going in together.
-[Momo] Damn you!
-[Okarun] Hey, stop it!
[both panting]
-[Momo] Let's go.
-Right.
[Momo] So, what are we supposed to do
when Turbo Granny shows, anyway?
-Punch her?
-[Okarun] No!
We have to lure her out of Shono City
and get her away
from the bound spirit in here.
That way, she'll be weak enough
for us to beat her.
[Momo] Oh yeah. Huh.
Although, we handled that big alien
on our own just fine.
-I bet we could beat her right now.
-You're not scared anymore?
What's to be scared of?
She's a little old biddy,
not some ginormous alien.
-[Okarun] Eek!
-[both] She's huge!
[Okarun wails] What are we gonna do?
[Momo, shakily] Calm down. We'll lead her
out of the city, like you said. Come on.
-[both scream]
-What? Uh…
[both whimpering]
[Momo] No way! This can't be real!
[Okarun] It looks like
she's about to attack!
[Momo] Gimme those!
I got this. [grunts]
[munching] Mmm, mmm.
[clattering]
[Momo, whimpering] Eww!
Her eyes are mouths!
[Okarun] Let me take a crack at her
Miss Ayase. Release the curse!
-[Momo] Okay. Good luck!
-[Okarun] I'll do my best!
[cracking]
[wearily] Damn, she's huge.
What was I thinkin'?
I can't do jack to her.
Oh, right. Forgot about your downer power.
I'm rootin' for ya! Go kick her fat ass!
[Okarun] I'll die from the stress first.
Huh? [gasps]
Huh? No way!
Miss Ayase? Where'd the curse go?
[Momo] What's going on?
I… I can't see it anymore.
[Turbo Granny] I gave the little twerp
his dong back.
And now, the curse is all gone from him.
I didn't expect you could tap into
its power and use it against me.
I won't let you do it again,
you thieving pig!
You can't use my power!
[Okarun yelps]
[Turbo Granny, distorted]
I'm gonna chew you up good!
I'll eat ya!
[Grandma] Taunt her.
She thinks she's the fastest thing around.
And if you challenge her, she'll take you
up on it without batting an eye.
[Momo] What's the matter?
You scared to race?
[rumbling]
[Momo] Jumpin' on us is so passé.
You're supposed to be the Turbo Granny.
Well, here's your chance
to show off how fast you really are.
I mean, if you're so Turbo,
let's race and see who's faster!
[Turbo Granny growls]
[whooshing]
[Turbo Granny] Damn punk.
Who do you think
you're mouthing off to over here?
I never lost a race. Ya hear me? Never!
I'll take you on, if that's what you want.
It don't matter if I eat ya now or later.
What are the rules?
Where's the finish line?
No finish line. This is a game of tag.
And to win, all you gotta do is catch us.
-Simple enough?
-[Turbo Granny grumbles]
[Momo] We'll start running, and you count
ten minutes to give us a head start.
Them's the rules, so don't go breakin' em.
You do, and the legend of Turbo Granny
will go right in the crapper.
[Okarun gasps]
All right.
I can't stand people who break the rules.
[Momo] Then we're on! Run, Okarun!
[panting]
[Turbo Granny, echoing] One. Two.
[Okarun] I thought
we were goners for a sec there!
You're a genius, Miss Ayase!
[Momo] I know!
Wish I gave us more time, though!
Ten minutes might not
be enough to get out of town.
[Turbo Granny] Five minutes.
-Eight minutes. Six minutes.
-What the hell's she doing?
Why's she counting like that?
Ten minutes.
[screeching and howling]
[Momo gasps]
-Okaru--
-[Okarun] Miss Ayase!
[crunching]
Miss Ayase! [grunts]
The little girlie's ten minutes are up.
[chuckles] Now I'll start
the ten-minute count for you.
-[straining]
-Forty.
One minute.
-That's not fair! Let Miss Ayase go.
-Two minutes.
-Fifty-six.
-Huh?
-Hey! Why are you counting all weird?
-Fifty-seven.
-You said you'd follow the rules.
-No one said how to count.
-Four minutes. Five minutes.
-[whimpers]
Would you stop? That's not counting!
Ten minutes.
Now.
-[whimpers]
-You're mine! [cackles]
You're a dork, and next time,
I'll probably have to save you then, too.
[Okarun grunts]
I'm gonna suckle your teats!
-[Turbo Granny screams]
-[Okarun grunts]
[screams]
Let go of my boob, you little bastard!
I didn't say you could do that now!
-[Okarun] You said you'd let me!
-[Turbo Granny] No!
[Okarun] I'm not letting go
till you let Miss Ayase go!
-Oh! [shrieking]
-[Okarun grunting]
[Turbo Granny] What's goin' on?
I lost all my strength.
Is it 'cause of those rags you're wearin'?
Damn you! If that's how it is…
[distorted] …I'm taking over!
[distorted yell]
[wheezing]
[Turbo Granny] You're a pain in my ass.
Ya damn brat!
You must be workin'
with some kind of sorcerer or somethin'.
Whatever. I'll eat the girl and end this.
-[cracking]
-[yelps]
[gasps] Somethin's squeezin' me
from inside.
[Momo] I know you're in there,
even though I can't see you.
That's your true form,
Turbo Granny, and now I get it.
I can feel you!
-[hissing]
-[Turbo Granny groaning]
[Turbo Granny] You damn punk!
Let me go-o-o-o!
-[laughs]
-[grunts] Thanks for that.
Couldn't have done it without you, Okarun.
-Shut up!
-[Okarun yelps]
I swear,
if you don't let me out of this kid…
-[Momo] Oh, you're not goin' anywhere.
-[squeals]
-We're gonna have some fun with you.
-[whining]
-[distorted voice] Give her back!
-[Momo] Uh?
-[rumbling]
-[distorted voice] Give back Turbo Granny!
[both screaming]
Bound spirit, murder their asses!
-[crashing]
-[screaming]
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
[rap lyrics in Japanese]
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
[both panting]
-[both wailing]
[Momo] Crab!
Why does the bound spirit
look like a crab?
My grandma says the souls of the dead
turn into freshwater crabs
so they can cross the river
to the underworld!
[low growling]
BEWARE OF BEARS
What are you doing, you idiot?
They're over here!
-[struggling]
-[Momo] You gotta transform!
-Quit squirming, you greasy old bag!
-[Turbo Granny] Hey!
-You can't talk to me like that.
-[Okarun] Hurry!
[Momo] This ain't easy.
You got her true form in you now.
[panting]
[groans]
[wails] Holy crap!
-[gasps] Whoa. Too close.
-[Turbo Granny] Curse you!
I didn't say you could use my power!
Let me go!
Oh, lookee. Now it's super easy
to strangle you for real.
-[Okarun] Bad news, babe.
-Hey! Don't you go calling me babe!
I can't make the curve. You're too heavy.
[gasps] You're kidding!
[wails] Damn it!
[Okarun] I'm goin' all out!
[Momo] Yes, helicopter! Good idea.
[Okarun] I'm done.
[Momo] Wha-a-a-a-at?
[both grunt]
-[crash]
-[Momo yells]
[both groaning]
-Okarun, you okay?
-I'm flatter.
[Momo] Thanks
for letting me land on you.
[Okarun] I used one of my all-outs.
[Momo] Sucks you can
only go all-out twice.
But at least you bought us some…
-[whooshing]
-…time.
Oh no!
[gasps]
[creaking]
[Momo, in disgust] This shell is
covered in faces!
Crap. There's people up ahead.
[boy] Check it out.
Someone's ridin' piggyback.
-[girl] Wow! Look at 'em go!
-[camera clicks]
[Momo] This is so embarrassing.
Wait. Can't they see the giant crab?
If they can't see it, we must look like
a couple of dorks in a chicken fight!
[wails] I hope we don't
bump into anyone I know.
[Okarun] I'm losin' steam
pretty fast here, Momo.
What about your other all-out? Fire it up!
Even if I did, I wouldn't last long enough
to get us out of the city.
It'll catch up to us and eat us!
[Momo] Oh, hell no! There's no way
I'm letting some crab eat me!
I eat them!
[Okarun panting]
[Momo] I got an idea. Make a right here.
[Okarun grunts]
[woman] Welcome. How many?
SPA & RECREATION
[Momo] Two, please!
Upstairs! It's too big
to chase us down hallways.
-[crash]
-[Momo screams] Maybe not!
-[man 1] We're being bombed!
-[man 2] Run!
[Okarun] Yow! That's hot!
[gasps]
We gotta get outta here.
Crabs live in water, remember?
[Momo] Oh, this ain't just water.
It's water from a hot spring!
When you boil a crab,
the meat tightens up and gets firm.
So if the damn thing's muscles get
all stiff, it's not gonna be able to move.
[moans]
[straining]
[whimpers]
Your idea worked!
-It's stopped moving!
-[Momo] We boiled it!
It looks so yummy now.
I wish we had some butter.
[Okarun] Eww. I can't believe
you're thinking about eating it.
Stop drooling and let's get outta here.
[Momo] It's a straight shot
out of the city, and…
Wait. Where'd all the people go?
-That's weird.
-[Okarun] Yeah…
[gasps]
Uh…
-What's that?
-[mumbles] I don't know.
[Okarun whimpers]
-[yelps]
-[Momo] Oh crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!
Why are they chasing us?
Ha-ha! Did you think you'd get away?
There's a giant cemetery
at the edge of the city, you jackasses.
We tapped into the power
of the spirits there to give us a hand.
Shono City's our territory, after all.
[both gasping]
-Miss Ayase!
-[groans]
[both gasp]
There's no way we're gonna
let you leave here.
[Momo] Go all out again.
Huh? Seriously?
Even if I did,
we still won't make it out of the city.
-[Momo grunts]
-[yelps]
We'll die for sure if you don't.
Just trust me.
[Okarun grunts]
Ugh, what a bummer.
[Turbo Granny] Gotcha now!
The bastard's gonna pass out in no time,
and then you're done for.
[Momo] Do it!
["William Tell Overture"
by Rossini playing]
[snarls]
[Momo grunts]
[Okarun snarls]
[electronic beat joins music]
[Momo hisses]
[yells]
[Okarun] I can't make this turn, Momo!
[both scream]
[Momo screaming]
Don't stop! [grunts]
[Okarun growling]
-[yells]
-[Momo gasps]
[Okarun] We're off the ground, Momo.
We've gotta get back.
[Momo yells]
[screaming]
[continues screaming] Oh no!
Huh?
[chuckles] Huh?
-You're back to normal!
-Huh?
-[whimpers]
-[both scream]
[Momo] Don't let go of me!
[both screaming]
[Turbo Granny hissing]
[yelling]
Transform, so we can land!
[straining]
[music stops]
[both coughing and groaning]
[Okarun] I can't do that again.
It feels like my body's ripping apart.
[Momo] Ugh,
I thought I was gonna puke my guts out.
[groans] Come on, get up.
-We're almost there.
-[Okarun groans]
[high-pitched humming]
[Momo gasps] Uh-oh.
Uh, I let go of Turbo Granny.
What?
-[yelps]
-[thud]
[Momo gasps]
[groans]
[Turbo Granny] Tryin' to outsmart me.
I hate tricky whippersnappers.
But what I hate even more
are punks that don't respect their elders.
[Momo] I've never seen a biddy
bully kids like you do.
For a senior citizen,
you're off the hook, for real.
Mad props to ya.
[Turbo Granny] Talk normal, ya delinquent.
If you're trying to confuse me
with that nonsense
comin' outta your mouth, think again.
I hate the sound of stupid words.
[distorted] Especially when
stupid girls like you speak them!
You hear that?
[rumbling]
[whooshing]
[Turbo Granny] Let's go, ya little bitch.
I like chasing after my dinner, so run!
You're almost out of the city,
and you just might make it.
How long of a head start
you want this time?
Ten minutes? 20?
[Momo] All I need's one second.
[Turbo Granny] What?
[Momo] My power lets me
reach out to anything…
[wind gusting, birds cawing]
…and grab it!
Let me take you there ♪
[Turbo Granny] Get back here!
She was called
the 100 Kilometers an Hour Granny.
But the Takasaki Line goes 120 an hour.
She'll never catch up to us now!
-Come on! You call that fast?
-[Turbo Granny roaring]
Move those crabby old legs, you slowpoke!
[Turbo Granny] I'm gonna murder your ass!
[wheels screeching]
[Momo gasps]
-[crash]
-[Momo] Whoa!
[Turbo Granny] You moron!
Trains don't always go full speed.
No. They gotta slow down for curves.
But I always go 100 kilometers an hour.
You can't get away from me!
You got that backwards.
You can't get away from me.
My grandma said you wouldn't turn down
a challenge, and she was dead on.
Now I got you ridin' the train
to Loserville.
Yeah.
Welcome to Kamigoe City.
[Turbo Granny] You dirty,
rotten, cheatin' pig!
-Let go of me!
-[Momo] You're the fastest granny around.
You'd have to be,
to live as long as you did.
-I get why no one could beat you.
-[roaring]
But the winner of this race…
is me.
[Turbo Granny screeching]
[sounds fade]
[water sloshing]
[gasps]
[train whistle blares]
-[muzak playing]
-[Momo grunting]
-[thud]
-[phone rings]
[Momo grunts] Ow.
[yelps]
Wha… Where are we, Miss Ayase?
Where's the crab? And Turbo Granny?
-[groans] I think we beat 'em.
-Huh?
[Grandma] It's a shame.
I really didn't wanna get rough with her.
This place is where girls about your age
were violated,
chopped up, and left to rot.
None of those girls wanted to end up
as evil spirits, that's for sure.
[gentle music playing]
[Grandma] For ages now,
mediums have been trying to figure out
what Turbo Granny's deal was.
We knew one thing about her.
She always showed up
near the spirits of murdered girls.
But we didn't know why.
I always thought she was
trying to console the spirits
that couldn't move on to the afterlife.
But, no matter their situation,
the dead shouldn't attack the living.
Only way to help them move on is by force.
Same kind of thing applies to the living.
We shouldn't do stuff
that disrespects the dead.
You go stomping around their turf,
and that's enough reason
for them to come after you.
Them's the rules,
and they're what lets us living coexist
in peace with the dead.
[lighter clicks]
[Grandma exhales]
I'm glad you're okay.
[can opens]
Don't go takin' all the big legs,
you greedy old pig! [grunts]
Gimme that, or I swear
I'll break all your Bakatono DVDs!
[Grandma] Don't even, or I'll burn
all your Ken Takakura merch!
[Momo gasps] You monster!
Don't you dare threaten Ken!
[Grandma] Oh, blow me.
You threatened my Bakatono DVDs first!
-I, uh… don't have much of an appetite.
-[Grandma] Watch it!
Take mine… [gasps]
Only losers don't have appetites
when there's crab around.
-Jackass.
-I'd eat right now if I could!
But not crab, especially
after everything we went through.
Okay, you picky little punk. How's about
you tell us what you wanna eat? Go on!
I'm done talkin' about it.
[Grandma] You're way too bitchy for a guy.
You sure you got your peen back?
Yes, I did!
And thank you again for getting it back.
-[Grandma] Show me.
-Huh?
[Grandma] I wanna see
you got your pecker back.
[Okarun] Uh…
[thinks] You're kidding, right?
[Grandma snarls]
-[hisses]
-[Okarun] Have you lost your mind?
Miss Ayase, help! Do something!
[moaning happily]
[Okarun wails] Everyone
in this family's crazy!
[Grandma] Let me see it!
[Okarun] Uh, thanks for,
you know, everything.
Nah, no worries. Be careful goin' home.
[Okarun] I think I'll be safer
out there than here.
-Next time, I'll get ya.
-[Okarun] I'm not showin' it to you!
[Grandma shivers] So cold.
Don't you worry about my grandma.
She's just kiddin' around with you.
You weren't eating,
so she thought you were depressed,
and was tryin' to cheer you up, is all.
Aww. That's nice of her.
I should have been more considerate.
-[yells] Not!
-[chuckles]
[Okarun] Well, this is goodbye.
[Momo] Yeah. Goodbye.
[Okarun] Wait. Is this goodbye?
Or "Goodbye!"
[Momo] Goodbye?
Or "Goodbye!"
Is this goodbye? Or just goodbye?
Goodbye.
Or "Goodbye!"
Good… bye.
[sighs]
-[Momo] Okarun!
-Huh?
See you tomorrow! [laughs]
Oh…
[gasps]
Okay!
[lively music playing]
[song in Japanese playing]
Any resemblance to actual persons
or organizations in this work of fiction
(Ken Takakura included) is coincidental.
[Momo] Hey, Grandma,
why was it a crab again?
They say spirits turn into crabs so they
can cross the river to the underworld.
[Okarun] But they ended up
a bound spirit in a tunnel.
How could you eat crab after that?
[both] Next time!
"Like, Where Are Your Balls?!"
[Grandma] You should've shown me
when I asked.