DTF St. Louis (2026) s01e04 Episode Script

1
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
FLOYD SMERNITCH: Why are
you dressed like that? Like an umpire?
CAROL LOVE-SMERNITCH:
Because I'm an umpire.
- FLOYD: (LAUGHS) What? What?
- Yeah, at Strohmeyer Park.
Bronco and Mustang Games.
I told you.
- (BLOWS) When?
- CAROL: Mm. Like last Saturday.
I said I needed to pick up
some part-time weekend work
so we can get better plates
and dishes for the household,
and, you know, a more grown-up
furniture set for Richard and stuff.
You don't remember
me saying that? I told you.
I told you I was going
to pick up Saturday sessions.
CAROL: Right, and I said that
that wasn't gonna be enough
and I was gonna have
to pick up some work nearby.
You don't remember that?
- FLOYD: Okay, yeah.
- Okay.
Hey, can you cancel
the lawn maintenance guys,
today, please?
- 'Cause we were supposed to do it last month
- Okay.
- and I just got another bill.
- FLOYD: Okay, yeah.
I totally forgot to do it.
So, yeah, I'll
Yeah, because we have to start
cutting all these, you know,
all these things,
or we're never gonna be able
to get Richard
into private school,
or do any of the things
that we have to do.
- I'm totally gonna do it today.
- Okay. Wow.
Why umpire?
Because it's right
behind the house
and it's 85 dollars a game.
I don't know much
about baseball,
but it's gonna be weird.
Whatever.
FLOYD: Hmm.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- COACH: Hey, it's cold, ump.
- Let's go.
- I'm waiting for you.
COACH:
You have to say "play ball."
For what?
COACH:
For, like, the game to start.
Just start it.
COACH: Well,
you have to say "play ball."
Play ball.
No, not to me.
To, like, everyone.
Hey, hi.
Play ball.
Not to each kid.
Just yell it out to everyone.
CAROL: (LOUDLY) Play ball!
(INHALES DEEPLY)
So, um (EXHALES)
the ump thing.
You gonna be doing
that for a while, huh?
Yeah.
A new school?
Floyd, we're like
three years away
from even being able
to make a deposit on that.
And we still have to get
the more grown-up furniture set
and stuff for Richard's room.
Uh, that was on the list
for last year.
Almost two years now.
Uh, yeah. Cool.
(INSECTS CHIRPING IN DISTANCE)
We'll just cut corners
'til then.
FLOYD: Cool.
So you're gonna do
the ump ump thing
- until then, huh?
- Yeah.
Yeah, cool.
(INHALES)
Cool.
- (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (FLOYD EXHALES DEEPLY)
- (SCANNER BEEPS)
- So you don't honor that coupon?
- I don't get this.
- CLERK: Uh, not on the sirloins.
We, uh, we don't honor the
"Excludes selected"
Yeah, this doesn't apply.
Okay, well then, no way, Jose,
on those sirloins.
CLERK: Okay.
Um, here, did you want, uh
No, it's worthless.
- (MARCHING BAND PLAYING) ♪
- CAROL: Whoa! Whoa, little man.
What is this bullshit?
Twenty dollars?
(MELLOW MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
Strike! Strike.
(QUIETLY) Strike.
Move it, tuba.
No way, Jose!
- (CROWD EXCLAIMING)
- (KID GROANS)
Okay. You're okay. You're okay.
- Okay.
- FLOYD: (SOFTLY) Happy birthday.
CAROL: Floyd!
Oh, no way, Jose.
No, yes, yes, yes.
They're very feminine.
(CROWD GROAN, CHEER) -
CAROL: Strike three, you're out!
(SIGHS) We're almost there
in terms of getting
nicer plates and bowls
for the household and a more
grown-up furniture set
for Richard, and bedding
and stuff, you know?
And the tuition. Hey, come on.
We want to get there, right?
- Yep. Yes.
- CAROL: We want to
Yeah, we want
to get there, Floyd.
- (SCANNER BEEPS)
- I don't see why they wouldn't
just put that
right on the coupon,
that it doesn't include
top sirloin.
You know, we haven't paid
his therapy bills
for two months, so they've
started sending letters.
Have you noticed any change
since therapy?
Um, no.
No, not really.
Um, we've been talking.
Richard. We've been talking.
School's not really for him.
- Well, I mean, the vest.
- I don't think it's the vest.
I just think
people don't know him.
If people knew him,
they could like him.
The new school, what a chance
that could be for him.
Yeah. Yes. So
no way, Jose, on these, okay?
Okay.
(CHUCKLES)
CLERK: (OVER PA) Price check
at 12. Price check at 12.
- (MUSIC FADES) ♪
- (DISTANT CHATTER)
(REFRIGERATOR WHIRRING)
I mean, how did my son
ruin all your milk?
- (BIRDS CHIRPING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Is this Albertson's?
Then don't you know how
my son ruined all your milk?
(SOFTLY) Fuck.
(SIGHS)
Hey, Queece. Stephen Queece.
- Hey, Carol.
- Hey, can I get my ump money?
Do we ha You didn't get
your ump money?
- No. For three weeks.
- Three weeks what?
I haven't been paid
for three weeks, Queece.
- Come on.
- Shit, okay.
Let me look into it
with the league.
Okay, thanks.
That's 600 a month, right?
- Thanks.
- Where are you going?
Uh (SIGHS) There's an issue
with my son.
There's He did something
with the milk at Albertson's.
- STEPHEN QUEECE: Mustang game.
- What?
You're on
the afternoon Mustang game.
Rattlers versus the Comets.
Field four.
I just umped two games,
and I gotta go pick up my kid,
- and my husband's away at his mother's.
- STEPHEN: Carol.
I'm on field three.
That's the schedule.
And I can't pay you
if you don't work
the games you signed for.
(SIGHS)
Wow. Okay.
(SHOUTS) Play ball!
(INDISTINCT CLAMOR)
(CROWD CHEERING)
- CAROL: Out!
- (KIDS YELLING INDISTINCTLY)
CAROL: Game over.
- KID: Bullshit!
- (YELLING CONTINUES)
I just don't understand
how this could happen.
Neither do I.
But you still have
to pay for the milk.
(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMEN
OVER PA)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Hey, Carol Love.
Hey.
How's your mom doing?
She's, um, pretty good.
How are you doing?
I'm, uh
okay.
Can I Can I talk to you
for a second about one thing?
What?
The
um
- The, um, what?
- FLOYD: The
The umpire gear
around the house
CAROL: Okay.
So, in general, I'm really glad
that you're doing it?
I mean, Little League
is a great place for kids
to learn about team dynamics?
Also get some sunshine?
So, I think
it's a really good idea
that you're doing it?
Why are you doing up talk?
Doing what?
(EXAGGERATES) Doing everything
ends in a question?
- Doing kids are in the sunshine?
- Okay, I'm not?
Okay, you are?
Okay. Well,
maybe I'm just, you know,
maybe I'm a little nervous
about, you know,
saying that the umpire gear
around the house
it makes it a little hard for me
to get my engine revved,
you know?
It kinda, uh..
'Cause it kinda neutralizes?
Uh, sexually?
So maybe if there was more time
around the house
when you weren't an umpire?
Um, I thought it was
important to share this?
You know,
so that our sex life can
Yeah, okay. Thank you.
Okay.
Okay.
(SCOFFS) Wow.
Okay.
Oh, I, uh, sent out some invites
for a cornhole party.
I'm jacked for you
to meet my friend Clark,
the weatherman guy
I told you about.
(SNAPS FINGERS)
I'm jacked.
(SNAPS FINGERS)
- (LEAVES RUSTLING)
- (WIND CHIME TINKLING FAINTLY)
(SOBS)
- (LEAF BLOWERS WHIRRING)
- (QUIETLY) Fuck. (SNIFFLES)
(SOBS)
("LET THE SUNSHINE IN" BY
THE 5TH DIMENSION PLAYING) ♪
Let the sunshine ♪
Let the sunshine in ♪
The sunshine in ♪
Let the sunshine ♪
- Oh, let it shine ♪
- Let the sunshine in ♪
- Come on ♪
- The sunshine in ♪
Now everybody
Just sing along ♪
Let the sunshine ♪
- Let the sunshine in ♪
- Let the sunshine in ♪
- Open up your heart ♪
- The sunshine in ♪
And let it shine on in ♪
- And when you are lonely ♪
- Let the sunshine ♪
- Hey, let it shine ♪
- Let the sunshine in ♪
You gotta open up your heart And
let it shine on in - The sunshine in ♪
And when you feel like
You been mistreated ♪
Let the sunshine ♪
And your friends turn
Their backs upon ya ♪
Let the sunshine in ♪
- Just open up your heart ♪
- The sunshine in ♪
Let it shine on in ♪
- You got to feel it ♪
- Let the sunshine ♪
- You got to feel it ♪
- Let the sunshine in ♪
- Open up your heart ♪
- The sunshine in ♪
And let it shine on in ♪
- You got to feel it ♪
- Let the sunshine ♪
- You got to feel it ♪
- Let the sunshine in ♪
- When you open up your heart ♪
- The sunshine in ♪
You gotta let
The sun come on in ♪
(SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
(TRAFFIC RUMBLING)
(INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
It's not always, uh,
a big thing,
but, uh, underwater demolition
can get, uh, pretty dangerous.
Sometimes with
with multiple blasts
right in a concentrated area.
Multiple blasts?
You bet.
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
CAROL: Are you excited
about the wine bike trip?
CLARK FORREST: Yes.
It's gonna be 64, 65, you know.
Perfect.
Get outside of town
in a bike group
of nice people. You know?
Drink some wine, not too much.
Um, just share that
with someone special, you know.
("DON'T MAKE ME OVER"
BY JIM O'ROURKE PLAYING) ♪
Don't make me over ♪
Now that I'd do
Anything for you ♪
Don't make me over ♪
Now that you know
How I adore you ♪
Don't pick
On the things I say ♪
- FLOYD: Mm.
- Perfect day.
FLOYD: Mm.
- CLARK: I know.
- FLOYD: Oh my God.
This is so
This one is so Here.
This is really fruity.
There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Is that good?
- CLARK: Mm!
(LAUGHS)
Don't make me over ♪
Look at this.
Now that you got me
At your command ♪
(IMITATES GULPING) Oh, oh. Ah!
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
- Accept me for what I am ♪
(EXCLAIMS) - Accept
me For the things that I do ♪
Accept me for what I am ♪
Accept me
For the things that I do ♪
Pick your fave,
and we'll have it
at lunch in the bistro.
- It's totally this one.
- Yeah?
Yeah. (CHUCKLING) Yeah.
Don't make me over ♪
CLARK: Perfect day.
- Don't make me over ♪
- Perfect day.
Now that you've got me
At your command ♪
Hey, remember when
I was telling you
that I I Frenched that guy?
Accept me for what I am ♪
Accept me for the things
That I do ♪
- (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
- (SIGHS)
I don't know if I wanna do
DTF anymore.
I don't know, Clark.
I mean, I
I don't know how to,
like, be in that scene.
Just in over my head
with this one.
Okay.
I worry, you know, that he knows
that my heart wasn't
in that French.
I, uh (CHUCKLES)
Maybe I hurt his feelings.
Just
I worry at night so much.
My thoughts swirl.
Mm. Oh, God,
this wine's my fave.
CLARK: Mm.
Hey, so
So what are you worried about
mostly at night?
(QUIET CHATTER)
Like dying.
Then my secrets are known.
Like what?
Like I owe, like
48,000 dollars, easy.
Probably more now.
I mean, I don't even look
at the tax bills anymore.
And like
Like that's what I leave.
Just that.
It's, like, not nothing,
it's worse.
I worry about Richard.
I worry about Carol. And
you know, when you lie down
in bed, you feel like
your heart's
supposed to rest, right?
Your heart's
supposed to go (SHUSHES)
And mine just races.
It's like I got,
like, a bird heart.
How?
They work so hard,
you know, to fly
and their heart just
races.
My heart's like that.
It's like a bird heart.
But I can't fly.
(SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
FLOYD: Mm.
Yeah, it's my fave.
Richard has, uh,
borderline personality disorder,
which means that, like,
impulse control is limited.
Man.
Yeah. Public school
is tough for him.
There is another school
with fewer kids.
And they all
are, like, different,
you know, like him.
And I lie in bed and I think,
"How could I afford this?"
And then I worry about him.
CLARK: You know I can
You know, I I could, uh,
cover you with this,
you know, with these problems,
these worries.
No, man. No.
Hey, man, at the gym,
B out the B.
B out the B?
CLARK: I can help in life
the same way you helped me
at the gym.
I can help you get
these bills down
so you can sleep,
get you some insurance
and get some peace.
You know, we hush
that heart some.
- Hush my heart?
- Yeah.
- FLOYD: My bird heart.
- (SOFTLY) Yeah.
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
I can help.
With the tuition, too.
I can help.
It'd be nice
to have a man heart again.
I don't know.
CLARK: What is it?
When I was a boy
and I pictured myself
as a man,
I never pictured myself
as a man asking
another man for money.
I pictured myself
as a man parachuting
out of an airplane
with a machine gun
in a time of war
and all his war buddies
like floating by him going like,
"You're a good leader, man."
You know what I pictured doing
as a man?
- What?
- CLARK: Having a good friend
and helping him
when he needed it
and him helping me
when I needed it.
And I was happy.
Take happy, Floyd.
What's this tuition like?
It's like four payments
over the year,
like about 7,000 dollars each.
- Something like that.
- Let's get him in there.
Uh, I can cover you guys.
You know?
Then you'll see if it helps
and we'll take it from there.
Hey.
Hey.
- (CHUCKLES)
- CLARK: B out the B.
- (GLASSES CLINK)
- FLOYD: B out the B.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Hey, are you still crying?
Just a little bit
from happiness.
Well, you are actually
a little drunk now,
so be careful.
(LAUGHS DRUNKENLY)
- CLARK: Hey. Hey, hey!
- Oh, fuck!
FLOYD: Yeah, bike was dinged up,
but I was all right.
RICHARD: Do you guys have fun?
You and Clark?
Yeah, we had a blast, man.
Hey, thanks for asking.
You know what?
Let's take off a little early.
I wanna show you something.
There's only, like,
12 kids per class,
so you already know
there's gonna be less A-holes.
How how soon can I start?
We'll pay tuition tomorrow.
Right after that.
And the kids, they test
smarter than at Collins.
They're smarter,
so we know you're fitting in
better already,
'cause you're smart as F.
Hey, fresh start.
It's worth millions
and millions, man.
All your surroundings fresh,
teachers fresh, kids fresh,
All that hard stuff,
you just leave that behind you.
That's not coming here.
Who knows, maybe there's a
maybe there's a friend
already here. I mean, could be.
Maybe he draws
cool fantasy predator birds,
and he's looking
for some cool kid
to show 'em off to, and here
you come all fresh and cool
with your cool predator bird
portfolio and stuff.
- (RICHARD CHUCKLES)
- FLOYD: Could be.
You sure you don't
want my jacket?
- I'm fine.
- No?
Well, I'll tell you what,
if there is a kid who draws
predator birds, he's
he's a lucky F-er
'cause he's about to meet you.
F stands for "fuck."
Yeah, I know, but I didn't
I didn't say "fuck."
I said F.
Trying to be
a good dad figure here.
You are.
I'm what?
You're a good dad figure.
(CHUCKLES)
- (BIRDS CHIRPING)
- (DISTANT DOG BARKING)
(IN ASL)
(LAUGHS)
I don't know how
to say this next part
- with sign language.
- FLOYD: (QUIETLY) Hey.
Just speak.
Speed cornhole, bro.
Cardio blast. Let's go.
Let's do it. Come on.
(LIVELY RHYTHMIC
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(PANTS)
- Speed!
- Cornhole!
(FLOYD BREATHING HEAVILY)
Yeah, I'm just gonna shake
a little of the bacon.
Oh, there we go.
Gonna leave you
- leave you enough for flavor.
- FLOYD: (SOFTLY) Hey.
Thank you, man.
CLARK: Yeah.
I left enough for flavor.
Wow. Nobody's ever
I mean, Carol,
but like nobody's ever
cared enough to shake the bacon
off my sandwich
but leave enough for flavor.
(KEYS JINGLE)
(POIGNANT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
CLARK: What's that?
Optimism.
It's a key to a PO box I rented
to get our secret
life insurance bills.
- CLARK: Oh!
- 'Cause I'm gonna pass that physical.
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Good idea.
You're gonna ace that physical.
- No. I'll pass it.
- CLARK: You're gonna ace
that motherfucking
life insurance physical.
That's the fucking news.
CLARK AND FLOYD:
We're the Thunder Boys ♪
We're gonna ace that ♪
Motherfucking
Life insurance physical ♪
We're the Thunder Boys
We're gonna ace that ♪
Motherfucking
Life insurance physical ♪
(FUNKY MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
BOTH: Whoa! ♪
We're the Thunder Boys
We're gonna ace that ♪
Motherfucking
Life insurance physical ♪
Well, I'm Floyd Smernitch
AKA Pure Joy ♪
And I'm from the St. Louis ♪
- Area ♪
- Area ♪
And I employ all the tricks ♪
For acing
My motherfucking physical ♪
- Hey! ♪
- Low sodium ♪
- Ho! ♪
- Two beers ♪
- Hey! ♪
- Speed cornhole ♪
BOTH: High gear ♪
Used to be Rocksolid
And now I'm Pure Joy ♪
And now I'm gonna pass it
To the weather boy ♪
Pure Joy, Weather Boy
Looking hot as fuck ♪
Understand Thunder Boys
Leave you thunderstruck ♪
Take a break, shake the bacon
Off your sandwich ♪
We're doing two steps at
A time on the staircase, bitch ♪
We're the Thunder Boys
We're gonna ace that ♪
Motherfucking
Life insurance physical ♪
We're the Thunder Boys
We're gonna ace that ♪
Motherfucking
Life insurance physical ♪
Hey! ♪
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
FLOYD: See you later, elevator!
CLARK: In a while, candy aisle!
She's got a real wobble.
I might have messed up
the sprockets
on my major wipe out.
Oh, God, I'm sorry. I'll
I'll take care of it money-wise.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, it would really
mean the world to me.
CAROL: (QUIETLY)
He has a weird dick.
And he just can't pop 'em
like he used to, you know,
like pop those boners.
Yeah, you said.
And he has money stress,
so he eats,
and then he feels bad
about himself.
He looks okay.
Hm. I mean, yeah,
but he used to be, like
CLARK: Well, Carol,
we we all used to be.
You know, when his dick
was normal, he was in Playgirl.
He was what?
In Playgirl.
Like, nude, all the way.
- (LAUGHS)
- Yeah.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Yeah, and there was like
this little thing about him.
Like a get-to-know-him thing.
"One, sixty-five."
One, sixty-five, what?
CAROL: That's what it said
he weighed then.
- One-sixty-five, yeah.
- CLARK: Oh. Mm-hmm.
CAROL: You know,
our house is pretty small,
so there's nowhere
you can really go to be alone.
And I see him looking at it.
CLARK: At his Playgirl.
CAROL: Yeah. He kept it.
(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
CLARK: Hmm.
CAROL: And sometimes
he looks at it,
and he looks so sad.
So he has self-esteem things,
and that's part
of the boner problems.
PHYSICIAN: Blood pressure's
It's pretty high.
Yeah, yeah, my heart
really kind of goes.
Plus, I got my shirt off,
and so, you know,
that makes me self-conscious.
- PHYSICIAN: Mm-hmm. Okay.
- FLOYD: But
- PHYSICIAN: All right.
- That goes to my heart, too.
I mean,
that's science, though, so
- (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
- CLARK: Well, you know,
we're taking care
of a lot of that with him.
Get his house in order
so that there's less stress.
B out the B.
CAROL: What, what?
It's what we do for each other.
Bring out the best.
- Oh. Yeah.
- Yeah.
But the paying the bills
and, uh, the insurance,
that has to be a private thing
with you guys, okay?
Because, you know,
if he knows that I know,
then his self-esteem is gonna
be like (TUTS) right?
- Yes.
- Like, I'm him.
"Oh, God,
you know Clark pays our bills."
Now I'm not a man,
so now I can't ever
- "pop boners again."
- Smart.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- So
- Yeah.
(SOF
INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
That's just between you two.
- (WHISPERS) Please.
- Yeah.
For serious. Okay?
Okay, 'cause I want
to have this with him.
Like, in a house that's normal.
Where it works and, like,
we pay our bills
and we do the tuition thing
that we're talking about.
And then we have
sex and everything.
So
this needs to stay
between you two.
Okay?
For serious.
Yeah.
Say "for serious" again.
For serious. Yeah.
Okay.
- Okay.
- (CLARK CHUCKLES)
(SHUSHES)
FLOYD: So, uh,
I didn't ace it, did I?
- Um, ace?
- FLOYD: Yeah.
- No.
- Okay.
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
But you passed.
I pa I passed?
Phew!
Yes, acing it wasn't even
Wasn't realistic.
That My goal was to pass.
Passing wasn't even realistic
like two weeks ago.
- Yeah, well, you passed.
- Wow, Clark is gonna be jacked.
Is that your, uh,
husband, Clark?
No, no, it's my, uh,
it's just my best friend.
He's been like
my cheese cop and
PHYSICIAN: All right. Well, uh,
Nurse Cheryl will show you out.
(QUIETLY) Yes, yes, yes!
- (KEYBOARD CLACKING)
- (DARK PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪
- Oh, hey. What's up?
- CLARK: Hey, hi.
Uh, safety sesh for the bikes.
Oh, what are you doing
with your computer?
I'm, uh, logging (HESITATES)
power duration drop-off
in case you and the girls
go riding at night.
I'd like to know
how long you're gonna be
- safely lighted.
- Aw.
- Yep.
- Okay.
- Yep.
- All right.
(DARK PIANO MUSIC RESUMES) ♪
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
Dude.
You have life insurance now.
(SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(SOFT PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
(PROJECTOR WHIRS)
(LIGHTS BUZZING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (ROUSING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JODIE PLUMB: Fifth key.
Floyd Smernitch's keys.
One, home.
(LOCK CLICKING)
Two, garage.
(LOCK CLICKING)
Three, gym locker,
Bailey's Fitness.
(LOCK CLICKING)
Four, work locker.
(LOCK CLICKING)
- Fifth key, unknown.
- (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
The charge was filed
before we knew its purpose.
- (KEYS JINGLING)
- (CLEARS THROAT)
Okay.
I have three keys here
that are unknown, even to me.
Old keys.
I don't know what they do,
but I keep them
because they used to open
something in my life.
And, you know, what if I have
to open that thing again?
Unknowns are a part
of key chains.
Unknowns are a part of life.
He knows.
- (DONOGHUE HOMER SIGHS)
- Did you see it?
- When he stared at the key?
- Forrest?
- JODIE: Yes.
- Yeah.
He knows.
He realized something about it.
And then he went quiet.
I saw something.
Something like that. Yeah.
- I want to know more.
- We always want to know more.
That's a part of this.
That's probably
why I'm always in this bar.
Because you never know
the whole thing,
and you have to trust
the evidence that you have.
- We should look at the wife.
- She has no motive, Jodie.
JODIE: Can we just consider?
What if Clark's
telling the truth?
About?
JODIE: That Floyd
wasn't into men.
What would that do
to your case against Forrest?
Wouldn't it weaken it?
Don't you want to know?
It's crazy.
French kissing a guy out
by your car
because you're polite?
Because you're wonderful.
He said wonderful.
(GRUNTS)
Can we interview
Modern Love again?
For what purpose?
JODIE: For the purpose
of asking him
if possibly Floyd kissed him
just to be nice.
We?
("WHITE ROOM"
BY CREAM PLAYING) ♪
HOMER: Can you just tell me,
uh, generally,
how things go down
in these sexual encounters?
- DTF?
- HOMER: Yeah.
Same, same as anywhere.
HOMER: Yeah, but this is sexual.
Well, everything's sexual, so
What do you mean?
Everything is, every setting is.
Everything's sexual?
Yeah, well, there's little separation
between sexual impulsivity
and, uh, well
it's an on board chemical feature
of every feature of our lives.
It goes where we go.
I'm here. So,
so is my sexual impulsivity.
For instance,
I've just discovered
that I'm attracted to bald,
mature authority figures, sir.
I'm imagining a scenario
that involves you.
Uh
I'm washing your back.
Washing my back?
You're there, too.
(SONG CONTINUES
PLAYING IN BACKGROUND) ♪
HOMER: Okay, can we just
concentrate on our questions?
- CHRISTOPHER ROBERT SPRUCE: Sure. Fire
- JODIE: Yeah.
- HOMER: Yeah.
- CHRISTOPHER: Fire away.
HOMER: So how does
a normal person
like Floyd Smernitch, um,
begin to, uh, become involved
with something like
DTF St. Louis?
CHRISTOPHER:
No one's normal.
It just looks that way
from across the street.
Tell me,
how would an encounter
how would that be?
Well, you could meet
for intimacy,
and that would be
in a grove of trees
in a park somewhere.
- Or a pool house.
- CHRISTOPHER: Yeah.
Or it could be
to meet for breakfast.
See if you have a connection.
Sometimes you don't have one.
You met Floyd Smernitch
for breakfast.
- Yeah.
- To see if you had a connection.
- Yeah.
- Did you?
Yeah.
- But, uh
- But what?
He was just a really nice guy,
and we had a nice breakfast.
I tried a little intimacy play
there at the end,
but mostly
it was just a nice breakfast.
What do you hope for
from DTF encounters?
Do you remember in school
that they had recess?
School can be hard
for some kids.
It can be hard to concentrate
on something as difficult
for that long a period of time.
So at some point
during the school day,
they just stop the thing,
let you go outside and have fun.
But at some point,
the tasks get harder,
like algebra,
chemistry, whatever.
But there's no more recess.
It's gone.
You know,
they don't even tell you.
- It's just gone.
- (MUSIC STOPS) ♪
And it never comes back.
And I guess I just want
to fuck around
with somebody sometimes,
every now and then.
It's just
And
he seemed he seemed like
something was weighing on him.
Like, he mentioned his, um,
son, or stepson or something,
felt left out, you know?
Left out.
And I told him
I felt like that, too,
in a lot of my life.
- HOMER: Left out?
- Yeah.
Um, let me ask you this.
- Do you think when you two were French kissing
- (INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
do you think
that Floyd felt, um,
that he was concerned that
maybe his heart wasn't in it,
uh, but he didn't want you
to feel left out?
You know,
so he Frenched you.
He was hands-off.
Hands-off?
Yeah, he didn't like reach
around to touch my cheek
in the manner that I reached
around to touch his.
It was his left.
- Left cheek?
- CHRISTOPHER: Mm-hmm.
No one knows what they're doing
with each other.
We find our way,
and it can be clumsy.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
JODIE: "No one's normal.
It just looks that way
from across the street."
- This is your saying?
- CHRISTOPHER: I guess so.
Uh, you know,
it's just something
I pass around
to the DTF community
to encourage people to care a little
less about what the neighbors think.
That's why God invented
PO boxes.
- HOMER: That's why what?
- CHRISTOPHER: Okay.
Well, in these strip malls
in the suburbs,
karate, tanning salons,
Mail Boxes Etc.
- You ever been in one?
- Sure.
What's in there?
PO boxes.
Yeah. All along the wall,
PO boxes.
Now, do you ever wonder
why all these normal people
who have homes out here
need all these PO boxes?
(MUSIC BUILDING) ♪
CHRISTOPHER:
(WHISPERING) It's for privacy.
That's where
all the dildos go, sir.
And other
Yeah, you know, you get it.
Yes.
That's where all the dildos go.
CHRISTOPHER:
Mail Boxes Etc.
They should call it Dildos Etc.
Yeah, I never thought of that.
(ZIPPER OPENING)
(MUSIC INTENSIFYING) ♪
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
That's why
Forrest stopped talking
- and asked for a lawyer.
- Yes.
(SIGHS) -JODIE: The Mail
Box Etc. Is just down the street.
Two-sixty. There you go.
That's the one.
That's the box.
No one's been paying the bill,
and no one's been in
the last few months.
Two-sixty. That's the one.
Can you tell me the date
of this owner's last payment?
- Before he stopped paying?
- Yes.
- Okay. It'll take a minute.
- Thank you.
(MUSIC INTENSIFIES) ♪
(LOCK CLICKS)
(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪
("RAINY DAY IN JUNE"
BY THE KINKS PLAYING) ♪
(SIGHS)
A misty shadow
Spread its wings ♪
And covered all the ground ♪
And even though ♪
She's gonna get
a million dollars.
The rain came pouring down ♪
JODIE: Well
that's probably a motive, right?
For murder?
Yeah, Plumb, it sure is.
There was no hope
No reasoning ♪
This rainy day in June ♪
The eagle spread
Its mighty wings ♪
- MANAGER: Hello.
- Hey.
MANAGER: How can I help you?
- Um
- MANAGER: Yes?
Can I
Can I just check out a room
for a detail?
The cherished things
Are perishing ♪
- And buried in their tomb ♪
- (DOOR CLOSES)
There is no hope
No reasoning ♪
This rainy day in June ♪
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
CAROL: Hey.
Morning.
Yeah, you suck.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
You should be.
You suck.
Look at all those leaves
bunched up in the corner,
pool boy.
- I'm new.
- CAROL: Yeah, you can tell.
Why don't you come on inside?
I have some other tasks for you.
We'll see how you do on those.
The reckoning was beckoning ♪
Come on up, pool boy.
They're living to their doom ♪
Yes, ma'am.
There was no hope
No reasoning ♪
- (DOOR OPENS)
- This rainy day in June ♪
- CAROL: How old are you?
- CLARK: I'm just 23.
CAROL: You got a lot to learn.
CLARK: I sure do.
(THUNDER ROARING)
- Everybody felt the rain ♪
- Everybody felt the rain ♪
- Everybody felt the rain ♪
- Everybody felt the rain ♪
- Everybody felt the rain ♪
- Everybody felt the rain ♪
Everybody felt the rain ♪
(SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
(SOF
INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(BROODING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪