Dummy (2020) s01e04 Episode Script
Terrible Writer/Useless Sex Doll
1
[sighs]
You want to talk about it?
- No.
- Are you sure?
- Are you fucking deaf?
I said I don't want to talk about it.
Okay? I don't want to talk about it.
- Barbara, fuck that guy.
You're beautiful.
- I'm not. You heard him. I'm disgusting,
and I'm useless.
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.
I'm a monster.
- You're a monster?
Oh, God. No-- Ugh. Look at me.
- So you have a little cellulite,
like, whatever.
So much better than having
fucking melty fingers and melty toes.
- I'm too ugly to be sexually harassed
by the agent who was fired
for sexual harassment.
- Okay, I just said that to make
you feel bad about yourself.
I'm sure, like,
he just respected you as a writer.
- No, I'm, like,
a fucking terrible writer.
- No, I'm sure you're a great writer.
- No, I'm not. Trust me.
- Okay, well,
I'd rather be a terrible writer
than a useless sex doll.
- Barbara, you're being
so hard on yourself.
Like, why do you think I just spent
all that money to get you fixed?
- You were just trying
to save your own ass.
- No, I wanted to keep you
'cause I fucking like you, man.
- You do?
- Yeah.
We got to go
'cause, you know,
we still need to beat Dan home.
- We should go.
- Okay.
- Actually,
Cody, would you mind
if I just had a moment
to, like, compose myself?
- Sure, yeah.
- Alone?
- Okay.
Sure.
- Thanks, girl.
- Goddamn it.
- Okay, I'm ready!
-Okay, let's do it.
- Come on.
- [car door shuts]
- [sighs]
- Hey, phone
- [phone chimes]
- play "Doll Parts" by Hole.
- [phone chimes]
I am ♪
Doll eyes ♪
Doll mouth ♪
Doll legs ♪
- [Cody singing along]:
I am ♪
Doll arms ♪
Big veins, dog bait ♪
Yeah, they really want you ♪
They really want you ♪
They really do ♪
Yeah, they really want you ♪
They really want you, and I do, too ♪
I want to be ♪
The girl with the most cake ♪
I love him so much ♪
It just turns to hate ♪
I fake it so real ♪
I am beyond fake ♪
[laughs]
And someday ♪
You will ache like I ache ♪
Here we go!
And someday you will ache like I ache ♪
And someday ♪
You will ache like I ache ♪
Someday you will ache like I ache ♪
Someday ♪
You will ache like I ache. ♪
[gasps]
Oh, fuck.
- Uh-oh.
Ow!
- DAN: Babe,
you okay?
I came home as soon as I got your text.
- What text?
- Uh, "911. Come home ASAP.
Emergency, hunk."
- Oh, you little shit.
- Oopsie.
- What's going on?
- Um
- What's wrong with you?
BARBARA:
She's crazy, Dan, I tried to tell her.
- So much.
DAN:
I have a sex doll.
You said it didn't bother you.
I asked you to respect my privacy,
that I didn't want you to look at it,
and you agreed to that.
You didn't have to,
but you agreed to that.
And now it's sitting in your fucking car.
- Yeah.
- How can I ever trust you again?
- Uh, yeah, I know, I know,
and, um,
there's nothing I can say to fix this,
so I'm just gonna go inside,
and I'll grab my stuff,
and then I'm gonna leave you alone,
and I'm sorry,
I just needed to, like, see her.
- Why?
- Um
I don't know. [chuckles]
Um, 'cause I'm, like, a crazy psycho,
I guess.
Um, and I just, like, needed to know,
like, what you wanted or what I
And I looked and I broke her,
and then I, like,
googled a place to get her fixed,
and I thought I could beat you home, but,
like, subconsciously, obviously,
I wanted to get caught
because I texted you, so,
uh, I don't know.
I'm the worst, and I'm a psycho,
and I probably shouldn't be with you,
and I shouldn't be with anybody,
so I'll just leave,
and you guys will be, like,
great together. It'll be great.
- No, it-- Whoa. Hey
You went through all that trouble
to get it fixed?
- Yeah. Well, I broke her, so
- Hey.
That thing's just a masturbation tool.
I don't give a shit about it.
I care about you.
You're my baby, Bean.
You're the best girlfriend
in the whole world,
and I can never lose you.
- What are you doing?
- What I should've done
a long time ago.
["Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns"
by Mother Love Bone playing]
Chloe don't know better ♪
Chloe's just like me,
only beautiful ♪
- Dan, no.
No, no, no, you're just really confused.
You're really confused, and this is not
how this is supposed to go.
- No more lies.
- No more lies.
- Wait, Codes, don't go!
This is exactly what the patriarchy wants,
don't you get it?
- We could get chili from that one place.
- You can't eat chili.
It's got beans in it, and you're a bean.
- I'm a canni-bean!
- You guys sound like fucking idiots!
This isn't over!
[sighs]
You want to talk about it?
- No.
- Are you sure?
- Are you fucking deaf?
I said I don't want to talk about it.
Okay? I don't want to talk about it.
- Barbara, fuck that guy.
You're beautiful.
- I'm not. You heard him. I'm disgusting,
and I'm useless.
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.
I'm a monster.
- You're a monster?
Oh, God. No-- Ugh. Look at me.
- So you have a little cellulite,
like, whatever.
So much better than having
fucking melty fingers and melty toes.
- I'm too ugly to be sexually harassed
by the agent who was fired
for sexual harassment.
- Okay, I just said that to make
you feel bad about yourself.
I'm sure, like,
he just respected you as a writer.
- No, I'm, like,
a fucking terrible writer.
- No, I'm sure you're a great writer.
- No, I'm not. Trust me.
- Okay, well,
I'd rather be a terrible writer
than a useless sex doll.
- Barbara, you're being
so hard on yourself.
Like, why do you think I just spent
all that money to get you fixed?
- You were just trying
to save your own ass.
- No, I wanted to keep you
'cause I fucking like you, man.
- You do?
- Yeah.
We got to go
'cause, you know,
we still need to beat Dan home.
- We should go.
- Okay.
- Actually,
Cody, would you mind
if I just had a moment
to, like, compose myself?
- Sure, yeah.
- Alone?
- Okay.
Sure.
- Thanks, girl.
- Goddamn it.
- Okay, I'm ready!
-Okay, let's do it.
- Come on.
- [car door shuts]
- [sighs]
- Hey, phone
- [phone chimes]
- play "Doll Parts" by Hole.
- [phone chimes]
I am ♪
Doll eyes ♪
Doll mouth ♪
Doll legs ♪
- [Cody singing along]:
I am ♪
Doll arms ♪
Big veins, dog bait ♪
Yeah, they really want you ♪
They really want you ♪
They really do ♪
Yeah, they really want you ♪
They really want you, and I do, too ♪
I want to be ♪
The girl with the most cake ♪
I love him so much ♪
It just turns to hate ♪
I fake it so real ♪
I am beyond fake ♪
[laughs]
And someday ♪
You will ache like I ache ♪
Here we go!
And someday you will ache like I ache ♪
And someday ♪
You will ache like I ache ♪
Someday you will ache like I ache ♪
Someday ♪
You will ache like I ache. ♪
[gasps]
Oh, fuck.
- Uh-oh.
Ow!
- DAN: Babe,
you okay?
I came home as soon as I got your text.
- What text?
- Uh, "911. Come home ASAP.
Emergency, hunk."
- Oh, you little shit.
- Oopsie.
- What's going on?
- Um
- What's wrong with you?
BARBARA:
She's crazy, Dan, I tried to tell her.
- So much.
DAN:
I have a sex doll.
You said it didn't bother you.
I asked you to respect my privacy,
that I didn't want you to look at it,
and you agreed to that.
You didn't have to,
but you agreed to that.
And now it's sitting in your fucking car.
- Yeah.
- How can I ever trust you again?
- Uh, yeah, I know, I know,
and, um,
there's nothing I can say to fix this,
so I'm just gonna go inside,
and I'll grab my stuff,
and then I'm gonna leave you alone,
and I'm sorry,
I just needed to, like, see her.
- Why?
- Um
I don't know. [chuckles]
Um, 'cause I'm, like, a crazy psycho,
I guess.
Um, and I just, like, needed to know,
like, what you wanted or what I
And I looked and I broke her,
and then I, like,
googled a place to get her fixed,
and I thought I could beat you home, but,
like, subconsciously, obviously,
I wanted to get caught
because I texted you, so,
uh, I don't know.
I'm the worst, and I'm a psycho,
and I probably shouldn't be with you,
and I shouldn't be with anybody,
so I'll just leave,
and you guys will be, like,
great together. It'll be great.
- No, it-- Whoa. Hey
You went through all that trouble
to get it fixed?
- Yeah. Well, I broke her, so
- Hey.
That thing's just a masturbation tool.
I don't give a shit about it.
I care about you.
You're my baby, Bean.
You're the best girlfriend
in the whole world,
and I can never lose you.
- What are you doing?
- What I should've done
a long time ago.
["Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns"
by Mother Love Bone playing]
Chloe don't know better ♪
Chloe's just like me,
only beautiful ♪
- Dan, no.
No, no, no, you're just really confused.
You're really confused, and this is not
how this is supposed to go.
- No more lies.
- No more lies.
- Wait, Codes, don't go!
This is exactly what the patriarchy wants,
don't you get it?
- We could get chili from that one place.
- You can't eat chili.
It's got beans in it, and you're a bean.
- I'm a canni-bean!
- You guys sound like fucking idiots!
This isn't over!