Film Club (2025) s01e04 Episode Script
Episode 4
This programme contains
strong language
Morning, Sharon! Oh, hi, Evie.
How are you?
Out your shell again, hermit crab?
I'm not a crab, Callum,
I'm a person.
Or lady in the attic. Finally
I'm going to stop you right there.
You have a great day.
You deserve it.
What?
HE CHUCKLES
Oi.
Sorry. Come on.
PHONE RINGS
Me again. Erm
I've slept better, but I've
got this weird pain in my ear.
Is that labyrinthitis?
I don't know.
Erm
Evie
..I-I just wanted to say, erm
I-I've been
HE SIGHS
I've got the day off and maybe
I can come help with some prep.
Big one tonight, obviously.
So what's the film?
Er, you haven't said.
Hello. Hello.
Whee! Evie, stop it,
you're going to make me wee!
Mwah!
I haven't brushed my teeth yet.
Doesn't matter.
I've got a fuzzy mouth.
Well, I've had four coffees.
I'm going to go on a big old
walk today. Oh, how big?
A big old walk.
Big. Huge.
SHE SIGHS
She needs to slow down.
She's back and forth to that
shop like a bloody yoyo.
Say it to her face.
She wants to go on a big old walk.
Can you go with her?
Try and chill her out.
She's gone from nought to 99.
Must have a dog you can borrow.
Ooh, speaking of, any biz cards?
They're arriving by courier.
Hmm, they ought to arrive by horse
and bloody carriage,
the amount they cost.
Right, don't keep going on about it.
I'm not!
"Homestead Hounds!" Mum!
Stop.
SHE CHUCKLES
What's this supposed to be?
Prison.
Ooh, you can whack your double denim
on and join in if you want to, baby.
Baby?
Couldn't think of anything worse.
This just arrived for you. Yes!
Big week this week?
Mm-hm.
Yeah, I'm moving it forwards.
200, and it's time
to move it forwards.
You know? I'm shifting,
I'm changing, I'm reimagining.
Well, I'm off for a dog walk.
You want to come?
Mm, yeah! Forwards!
I'm craving a big old walk.
Well, it's not big, it's not old -
it's just a walk.
WHISPERS: OK.
Hey, Evie Nicks.
Where you off to? Going on a walk.
No, I think we're all right
for milk, babe.
No, a big old walk!
Oh, a big old walk, is it?
All right, well, wait there a sec.
I'll come with you.
No, no, baby, it's fine,
cos it's
..it's like a sisters stroll.
You know, like girlie pop chats.
Right, Iz? Whatever.
I mean, I'm absolutely
thrilled about it, Josh.
Yeah. I'm made up, me.
It's like watching her
take her first steps.
Oh, that's a lovely sentiment that,
Suzo.
But Yeah?
Is it Yeah?
..too much? Too soon?
BOTH: Yeah.
Yeah.
God, I haven't been here for ages.
You haven't been anywhere for ages.
I'm having all these ideas, Iz.
It's like my brain's woken up.
Ideas for what? Film Club.
Are you going to carry on,
even though Noa's leaving?
Course I'm going to carry on.
Film Club's about more
than just Noa, isn't it?
Is it?
It sounds so fucking cheesy, but
..are you in love, Eves?
Iz, I love all my friends.
No, I mean with Josh?
Oh, Josh!
Well, he's Josh.
Who wouldn't love Josh?
PHONE VIBRATES
Wait.
Hello, babes.
Yeah. How's Evie's big old walk?
STERNLY: Evie's fine! She's 28.
Don't fuck me off, Iz.
Have they turned up?
What? Look this isn't your mama
just being nuts.
The business cards, Mum.
I don't know, Isobel.
IsobIsobel.
You're dead excited about this,
aren't you?
Oh, fuck off.
THEY LAUGH
Evie's out, mate.
Out?
Yeah, out and about.
Big old walk.
A big old walk?
Something clicked and, er,
she's back on the horse.
Yeah, mint, innit?
Yeah, yeah, it is mint.
Yeah. I mean, we're really chuffed.
But, obviously, it's
You know, it's baby steps.
Mm.
How long to go now?
A week and a day.
You swapped over all your bits
and bobs, your accounts and stuff?
Yeah, all the bobs.
All the bits.
All right, then,
well, see you later, Noa.
Er, Josh, erm
Yes, my guy?
Do you know what the film is?
Summat to do with feathers.
I don't know.
So, what is it you love about him?
Jesus, Iz. You about to shine
a big light in my face?
Yeah, just answer the question.
I love how he knows Mum.
I love how he knows you.
But does he know you?
What's not to know, Isobel?
I'm the most knowable
of the lot of us.
Well, he's fit, he adores you,
and he'd do anything for you,
so stop pining after
your weird mate.
Hey.
I am not pining after my weird mate.
I'm not pining after anyone.
SHE SCOFFS
All I'm interested in
right now is you!
SHE LAUGHS
And this!
God, you're a nutter.
Can I have the lead?
He's a fucking unit. Are you sure?
I'm sure. Come on, Dave.
Well, just Come on, Big Dave!
Don't let him go! Let's go!
Run, David, run!
Whoo!
Come on, Dave. Come on David.
They only had soya milk.
Hope that's OK.
Course.
How was your night?
Couple of broken bones
and an asthma attack.
Still not heard from Evie?
Nope.
It's been days.
Right.
There's really no reason for her
to be pissed off with you?
Nothing you've said?
No, I don't think so.
Does seem rather odd.
Listen
I've got limited experience here,
but I could tell you
something that might help -
or it might not help,
as the case may be.
Please.
Well, second year of Medical School
there was this Kimberly Piper.
A cardiologist.
Which was ironic,
because she treated my heart
with something approaching disdain.
Anyway, I thought
it wasblisteringly clear
to everyone how I felt.
I mean, I'd break out into a cold
sweat whenever I was near her.
Hmm!
Turned out, she didn't have a clue.
Went off with one of my pals.
Anyway, I look back on it now
and I do just wish that
I'd said something.
I was always worried I'd never
find the right words
but, of course, there are
no right words, you know?
Hmm. Sometimes you've just got to
say something.
How was the big old walk?
Ask her yourself.
She's in loser land.
What's that? It's a cake
I've made for his mam and dad.
I went for carrot cake.
Mm, can't go wrong with a bit
of cazza cake, Suzo.
Oh, it's a shame my girl
won't be there.
Yeah, I know.
But it would be too much.
Baby steps. Shame, but Mum
completely gets it.
She's desperate to meet her.
Just, when the time's right,
and I don't think
that's a big old party.
Big old party?
Er, not
No. You know what I mean.
It's like a humble shebang,
in our humble abode.
I don't know. It'll be sausy rolls
and bed by ten, I rex. Mm.
Don't fancy knocking us up a tray
of your famous filos
to go with the cazza cake, do you?
For your parents' silver wedding
anniversary?
I'd be honoured.
No, I'm only messing, Suz.
Fizz and filos? That's my thing!
No, I'm winding you up.
Erm, no, don't do that.
I'm only joking.
Oh. OK? Yeah, no problem.
He said no! Yeah, course he did.
He's gracious to a fault, that boy.
Oozes chivalry out of
his every pore.
Ugh, Mum!
Men never say what they mean.
Now, should I pipe my pate
or spread it?
I think you should leave
it in the fucking fridge.
Now, you listen to me, Isobel.
Josh has done
everything for our family.
He's an oasis of testosterone
in a vast landscape of
..the other one.
Oestrogen. Yeah.
Now, this is a very important
day for him today.
And his girl, our girl, our Evie,
she can't make it, can she?
So, this is the next-best thing.
I thought we were delivering
biz cards tonight.
Well, there'll still be dogs
tomorrow!
Capers!
SHE HUFFS
Have fun tonight, baby.
Erm, Noa came round for you earlier.
Yeah, he seemed a bit
A bit desperate, actually.
Right. Mm.
Kiss attack.
I've told you, go for my boobs.
There's more up there.
There you go, Pooch.
Bye. Bye.
It's freezing. Oh!
Where's madam? Don't know.
It's all locked up.
Maybe she's inside,
going method on the prison theme.
Can I just say, though,
we are rocking the double denim.
Had to make an effort.
End of an era.
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
Oh! Oh, my God, Evie!
Absolutely terrifying.
Why have you come as Black Swan?
Darling, I'm Jake!
The Crow. Yeah.
BOTH: Oh.
Ca-caw!
Oh!
Feels claustrophobic.
Yeah, well it's a prison, isn't it,
Kam? So it's supposed to.
Love you.
It'satmospheric.
Symbolistic, is what it is.
Shawshank Redemption.
Redemption.
And here is the most
important thing of all.
Darling!
You've turned me into a poster!
You look so hot.
I know!
Warden Norton,
would you like to do the honours?
Oh!
What the fuck is this?
I know it doesn't look like much,
but it's months since I got past
the bin and now I
..now I canget past the bin.
You've been to all these places?
Erm, Blair Witch?
Yeah, imagine - an immersive
viewing of Blair Witch Project
in Stenner Woods.
Yeah, we'll be traumatised.
SHE LAUGHS
Erm, how would we watch the film?
Well, you're not going to be here,
are you, babe?
So you don't need to worry
about that.
And the derelict loos
by the Leisure Centre,
that could be Trainspotting.
You know, it's a great way
to attract new members!
Community.
Humans need community.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're really proud of you,
Eves, aren't we?
Group hug!
Er, I don't need proud,
I don't need hugs.
I just need, like, to know
whether you like the idea.
Yeah. I love the idea.
For you.
Sam?
Yeah.
Good.
Bloody hell, Josh! Humble abode?
What the shimmering fuck?
GUESTS CHAT AND LAUGH
Suz? What are you doing here?
Oh, look at you, you heartbreaker!
Oh, Josh, this place is incredible.
Suz
Did they like the cazza cake?
Erm, yeah, they loved it, yeah.
Joshua?
Can you tell the staff to
circulate properly, please?
Is this Mum?
Oh, yeah, sorry, erm
Suz, this is Lydia. Lydia, Suz.
Mums meet at last!
I'm Evie's mother.
Who? Evie.
Evie'smum.
Evie.
OK, right, well, hello, Evie's mum!
Joshua, can you make yourself
useful? For God's sake.
Hi.
A contribution.
Oh, so you're part of the team.
I was confused.
It's just a token of appreciation
for our Joshy.
Appreciation? For what?
Josh. He's like part of the family.
Family?
Well, I mean, he's got
a chest of drawers at our house!
Lydia! Oh, there she is!
Lady Muck, fresh from the Maldives!
Look at that tan!
It's really not that difficult.
It's one lemon,
one rosemary per glass.
Look, one per glass.
I'm not an octopus.
Two staff per 20 guests.
Very clearly explained
on our website.
Well, it wasn't that clearly
explained, was it?
And you're here now,
so don't let me down.
It's really too much for me.
I've been on my feet all day.
It's not really my problem, is it?
The show must go on.
Bloody hell. What's gone on, babe?
These conditions are horrible. Yeah.
The hours are ridiculous. Right.
And they're a
they're a bunch of pricks!
Hey, gently, gently.
Do you know what "pause" stands for?
Pause action until serenity enters.
Give us your hands.
Big, deep breath.
SHE BREATHES SHAKILY
Oh, no, well, don't cry.
Oh, you're going to
ruin your kitten flick.
Are you a guest?
Not really.
I thought I was family.
Come on, grab a tray.
Head held high.
Thank you. I've got you, babe.
I've got you.
Right, champagne.
Champers?
Drink?
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Scusies.
I need to pee.
No-pause rule!
It breaks the flow.
Darlings, it's a basic human right.
FILM STOPS
Kam. I need a poo.
SHE SIGHS
How did you know what the film was?
Josh said he saw feathers
and the garage was grey.
I put two and two together.
SOFTLY: Wow.
You know, we could have gone out
together again
if you'd replied to any of
my calls and messages.
Well, I thought it would be better
if I did it on my own.
Yeah.
Course.
Evie Yeah?
DOOR CREAKS OPEN
Crisis averted.
Mate, that was way too quick.
Nature wee.
In my garden?
SHE LAUGHS
What were you going to say?
These ones go first. Yeah, I know.
Where's the girl?
Why's she not tidied?
I don't know, Mum.
Sue! I'm so sorry.
I completely blanked earlier.
I've remembered who your Evie is.
I had a brain fart.
Oh. Well, I did think,
"Earth to Lydia, Earth to Lydia."
She was in cadets with him,
wasn't she?
Evie in cadets?
JOSH CLEARS THROA
Yeah, she was.
Have you been doing this
all night, Sue?
Yeah. Otherwise that girl
would've been on her on her own.
What a trouper! Well, you must come
and have a drink with us.
No, I think
I'll just jump in a taxi.
Nonsense! The night is young.
Oh, go on, then.
Fabulous. If you could just do a
quick sweep for glasses and plates
and pop them in the dishwashers,
I'll pour you some bubbles
when you're done.
Good.
They can go out when they're done.
Then these.
Oh, Sue.
Sue?
Sue? I think it's Suz, Mum.
Sue?
Sue?
Sue?!
Sue!
Delivered?
What the fuck?
SWEEPING FILM MUSIC PLAYS
Just going to the loo.
Have you seen a parcel? Iz!
Or a package for me?
Izzie, it's Film Club.
This isn't Film Club,
it's a fucking garage.
OK, wellwell,
let's look for it later.
You've shoved it in here
with the rest of your shit!
You know I've been waiting
all day for this.
What is it?
It's my biz cards, Eves.
I could have been out
delivering tonight.
OK, sorry. I-I-I've had
other things on my mind.
Yeah, of course.
Cos it's all about you, isn't it?
Oh, shit.
Kam!
I've got responsibilities, Evie!
Going to grab another bottle,
darling.
Fine, fine.
VOLUME INCREASES
MUSIC: Sull'ariache soave
zeffiretto by Mozart
..it's a swimming pool
Oh, fuck me, Suz.
What an ensemble!
Be still, my throbbing heart.
Oh, thanks, babies.
Cos I feel a bit
So, that's nice.
Oh, what is it, Suz?
SHE SIGHS
Let's get you some snacks.
You all look famished.
Mum? Mum.
Oh, oh! They're here,
they're here, they're here!
Oh, you're all lit up, darling.
Illuminated, Iz.
It's my new business venture -
Homestead Hounds.
No, no, go on, you open them.
Oh, baby!
Drum roll, please.
Oooohhh!
"Homestead Hounds.
"Dog wanking service"?!
Mm.
SHE TITTERS
What?!
No calls, no texts for days.
Felt like Demi Moore.
WHISPERS: What?
Like I'd beenGhosted.
Where are they?
Don't need 'em. They don't care.
Yeah.
It's exhausting being
the one who cares.
Are you joking?
The one who cares?
I cycle here every week.
Full costume,
no matter how mortifying.
Make up all kinds of weird reasons
to leave work early.
I stay the entire time and you're
the only one who cares? OK.
I never said only.
You know what you meant.
I'm sorry it's been such an effort.
An obligation.
OK, don't do that.
Don't
It good, it's over. You're free.
What happened to moving it forwards?
What happened to
Trainspotting in the loo?
Nah, I'm done.
You have to keep it going,
Evie, it's
It's good for you.
Good for me?
Yes. You know what I mean.
Yeah, I do.
You do it cos you really love it.
I don't do it
because I love it, Noa.
I do it because
Did you check?
Obviously, I checked them!
I checked the proof.
Mum? Oh, dear.
Definitely "dog wanking."
Did you check it on the desktop?
No, my phone.
Well, it's tiny text, isn't it, Iz?
Yeah, and it's the
swirly-whirly writing.
I can't fucking believe it.
Well, it's niche.
I'll give you that.
You'll have all sorts
queueing up outside, Suz.
SHE LAUGHS
Don't laugh at me! It's not funny.
You don't laugh at her
daft fucking shit, do you?
Oh, darling, we do.
I knew it was a stupid idea.
It's not stupid, cherub!
Not at all. Josh wound me up.
He made me feel
God, I fucking knew it.
We'll sort it.
We'll sort it all, baby.
It'll be sorted.
They're just pieces of paper,
sweet pea.
It's not just pieces of paper!
This is my thing.
I I'm so
So what? Oh, Iz.
What is it you need?
SHE SNIFFS
Oh
Come on, don't ignore me now.
You've ignored me all week.
It was hardy riveting
conversation, was it, Noa?
You talking at me about utter shite.
Wow, OK.
Yeah, whether you should get
an MRI for your ice pick headache.
If you should buy a dehumidifier.
Lamenting about
your five hours' sleep
and whether I think it's the
light pollution in Manchester
that's keeping you up.
OK, what do you want to
talk about, then?
What happened.
I was trying to talk
about what happened.
Nothing happened.
Don't do that.
I-I got you out.
Oh
Thank you.
Thank you for everything
you've done for me.
You can fuck off now
feeling like the big man.
Yeah, you can clip-clop through
the dock with Tia and Miles,
telling them all about
your noble heroism.
Why are you so angry with me?
Because you took us somewhere
and then you pissed off
and left me there alone.
I was so fucking embarrassed
and confused.
I was embarrassed
and confused as well.
Yeah, but I would never leave.
Only because you can't.
Evie, I didn't mean that.
Agh!
Wait. Evie!
I'm This is for you.
What the hell is it?
Just read it. Say it!
Do you know, I don't even
know why I'm upset.
This is just your personality.
I should be used to this by now.
You're fucking kidding me
You've got a boyfriend.
Oh!
OK, mate, so that's why you can't
say what you mean ever,
or address anything.
Right, so what was your excuse
for the other seven years
and five months
before Josh came on the scene?
Four.
What?
You and Josh have been
together for eight months,
so that would make it
seven years and four months.
Fuck off.
He's a prick!
All men are pricks.
Are you OK?
If Film Club was over,
you'd be relieved, wouldn't you?
Well, maybe it feels a bit
like the moment's passed, love.
Or
Does Does it have to be
on a Friday?
I'll go get your coats.
It's you we love, darling.
Evie Evie.
Oh, shit.
MUSIC: Sull'ariache soave
zeffiretto by Mozart
KNOCK ON DOOR
Hey. I found this outside.
Oh, darling.
Oh, you really do have the ability
to make magic out of nothing.
Do you know that?
Come on. Have something to eat.
What are they?
Just some bits left
over from the party.
What party?
Josh's.
God, you had to go there,
didn't you?
I was just helping.
No, he didn't want your help, Mum.
God, why is everyone meddling
in my life?
It's my boyfriend.
Josh is my boyfriend.
I'm not meddling. Mum, stop.
Hey.
Now, what's been said?
Bloody coming here,
upsetting my little girl.
Don't.
Come here. No.
Evie, you're not acting
like yourself.
Baby I'm fine!
Come here, my baby girl.
I'm fine! I'm fine!
No, you're not.
You're not. This isn't you.
You're my little dreamer.
Mum, you can't fix it.
You need to calm down.
Come here. No.
Mum, stop fucking smothering me.
Then you fucking grow up.
OPERA CONTINUES
strong language
Morning, Sharon! Oh, hi, Evie.
How are you?
Out your shell again, hermit crab?
I'm not a crab, Callum,
I'm a person.
Or lady in the attic. Finally
I'm going to stop you right there.
You have a great day.
You deserve it.
What?
HE CHUCKLES
Oi.
Sorry. Come on.
PHONE RINGS
Me again. Erm
I've slept better, but I've
got this weird pain in my ear.
Is that labyrinthitis?
I don't know.
Erm
Evie
..I-I just wanted to say, erm
I-I've been
HE SIGHS
I've got the day off and maybe
I can come help with some prep.
Big one tonight, obviously.
So what's the film?
Er, you haven't said.
Hello. Hello.
Whee! Evie, stop it,
you're going to make me wee!
Mwah!
I haven't brushed my teeth yet.
Doesn't matter.
I've got a fuzzy mouth.
Well, I've had four coffees.
I'm going to go on a big old
walk today. Oh, how big?
A big old walk.
Big. Huge.
SHE SIGHS
She needs to slow down.
She's back and forth to that
shop like a bloody yoyo.
Say it to her face.
She wants to go on a big old walk.
Can you go with her?
Try and chill her out.
She's gone from nought to 99.
Must have a dog you can borrow.
Ooh, speaking of, any biz cards?
They're arriving by courier.
Hmm, they ought to arrive by horse
and bloody carriage,
the amount they cost.
Right, don't keep going on about it.
I'm not!
"Homestead Hounds!" Mum!
Stop.
SHE CHUCKLES
What's this supposed to be?
Prison.
Ooh, you can whack your double denim
on and join in if you want to, baby.
Baby?
Couldn't think of anything worse.
This just arrived for you. Yes!
Big week this week?
Mm-hm.
Yeah, I'm moving it forwards.
200, and it's time
to move it forwards.
You know? I'm shifting,
I'm changing, I'm reimagining.
Well, I'm off for a dog walk.
You want to come?
Mm, yeah! Forwards!
I'm craving a big old walk.
Well, it's not big, it's not old -
it's just a walk.
WHISPERS: OK.
Hey, Evie Nicks.
Where you off to? Going on a walk.
No, I think we're all right
for milk, babe.
No, a big old walk!
Oh, a big old walk, is it?
All right, well, wait there a sec.
I'll come with you.
No, no, baby, it's fine,
cos it's
..it's like a sisters stroll.
You know, like girlie pop chats.
Right, Iz? Whatever.
I mean, I'm absolutely
thrilled about it, Josh.
Yeah. I'm made up, me.
It's like watching her
take her first steps.
Oh, that's a lovely sentiment that,
Suzo.
But Yeah?
Is it Yeah?
..too much? Too soon?
BOTH: Yeah.
Yeah.
God, I haven't been here for ages.
You haven't been anywhere for ages.
I'm having all these ideas, Iz.
It's like my brain's woken up.
Ideas for what? Film Club.
Are you going to carry on,
even though Noa's leaving?
Course I'm going to carry on.
Film Club's about more
than just Noa, isn't it?
Is it?
It sounds so fucking cheesy, but
..are you in love, Eves?
Iz, I love all my friends.
No, I mean with Josh?
Oh, Josh!
Well, he's Josh.
Who wouldn't love Josh?
PHONE VIBRATES
Wait.
Hello, babes.
Yeah. How's Evie's big old walk?
STERNLY: Evie's fine! She's 28.
Don't fuck me off, Iz.
Have they turned up?
What? Look this isn't your mama
just being nuts.
The business cards, Mum.
I don't know, Isobel.
IsobIsobel.
You're dead excited about this,
aren't you?
Oh, fuck off.
THEY LAUGH
Evie's out, mate.
Out?
Yeah, out and about.
Big old walk.
A big old walk?
Something clicked and, er,
she's back on the horse.
Yeah, mint, innit?
Yeah, yeah, it is mint.
Yeah. I mean, we're really chuffed.
But, obviously, it's
You know, it's baby steps.
Mm.
How long to go now?
A week and a day.
You swapped over all your bits
and bobs, your accounts and stuff?
Yeah, all the bobs.
All the bits.
All right, then,
well, see you later, Noa.
Er, Josh, erm
Yes, my guy?
Do you know what the film is?
Summat to do with feathers.
I don't know.
So, what is it you love about him?
Jesus, Iz. You about to shine
a big light in my face?
Yeah, just answer the question.
I love how he knows Mum.
I love how he knows you.
But does he know you?
What's not to know, Isobel?
I'm the most knowable
of the lot of us.
Well, he's fit, he adores you,
and he'd do anything for you,
so stop pining after
your weird mate.
Hey.
I am not pining after my weird mate.
I'm not pining after anyone.
SHE SCOFFS
All I'm interested in
right now is you!
SHE LAUGHS
And this!
God, you're a nutter.
Can I have the lead?
He's a fucking unit. Are you sure?
I'm sure. Come on, Dave.
Well, just Come on, Big Dave!
Don't let him go! Let's go!
Run, David, run!
Whoo!
Come on, Dave. Come on David.
They only had soya milk.
Hope that's OK.
Course.
How was your night?
Couple of broken bones
and an asthma attack.
Still not heard from Evie?
Nope.
It's been days.
Right.
There's really no reason for her
to be pissed off with you?
Nothing you've said?
No, I don't think so.
Does seem rather odd.
Listen
I've got limited experience here,
but I could tell you
something that might help -
or it might not help,
as the case may be.
Please.
Well, second year of Medical School
there was this Kimberly Piper.
A cardiologist.
Which was ironic,
because she treated my heart
with something approaching disdain.
Anyway, I thought
it wasblisteringly clear
to everyone how I felt.
I mean, I'd break out into a cold
sweat whenever I was near her.
Hmm!
Turned out, she didn't have a clue.
Went off with one of my pals.
Anyway, I look back on it now
and I do just wish that
I'd said something.
I was always worried I'd never
find the right words
but, of course, there are
no right words, you know?
Hmm. Sometimes you've just got to
say something.
How was the big old walk?
Ask her yourself.
She's in loser land.
What's that? It's a cake
I've made for his mam and dad.
I went for carrot cake.
Mm, can't go wrong with a bit
of cazza cake, Suzo.
Oh, it's a shame my girl
won't be there.
Yeah, I know.
But it would be too much.
Baby steps. Shame, but Mum
completely gets it.
She's desperate to meet her.
Just, when the time's right,
and I don't think
that's a big old party.
Big old party?
Er, not
No. You know what I mean.
It's like a humble shebang,
in our humble abode.
I don't know. It'll be sausy rolls
and bed by ten, I rex. Mm.
Don't fancy knocking us up a tray
of your famous filos
to go with the cazza cake, do you?
For your parents' silver wedding
anniversary?
I'd be honoured.
No, I'm only messing, Suz.
Fizz and filos? That's my thing!
No, I'm winding you up.
Erm, no, don't do that.
I'm only joking.
Oh. OK? Yeah, no problem.
He said no! Yeah, course he did.
He's gracious to a fault, that boy.
Oozes chivalry out of
his every pore.
Ugh, Mum!
Men never say what they mean.
Now, should I pipe my pate
or spread it?
I think you should leave
it in the fucking fridge.
Now, you listen to me, Isobel.
Josh has done
everything for our family.
He's an oasis of testosterone
in a vast landscape of
..the other one.
Oestrogen. Yeah.
Now, this is a very important
day for him today.
And his girl, our girl, our Evie,
she can't make it, can she?
So, this is the next-best thing.
I thought we were delivering
biz cards tonight.
Well, there'll still be dogs
tomorrow!
Capers!
SHE HUFFS
Have fun tonight, baby.
Erm, Noa came round for you earlier.
Yeah, he seemed a bit
A bit desperate, actually.
Right. Mm.
Kiss attack.
I've told you, go for my boobs.
There's more up there.
There you go, Pooch.
Bye. Bye.
It's freezing. Oh!
Where's madam? Don't know.
It's all locked up.
Maybe she's inside,
going method on the prison theme.
Can I just say, though,
we are rocking the double denim.
Had to make an effort.
End of an era.
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
Oh! Oh, my God, Evie!
Absolutely terrifying.
Why have you come as Black Swan?
Darling, I'm Jake!
The Crow. Yeah.
BOTH: Oh.
Ca-caw!
Oh!
Feels claustrophobic.
Yeah, well it's a prison, isn't it,
Kam? So it's supposed to.
Love you.
It'satmospheric.
Symbolistic, is what it is.
Shawshank Redemption.
Redemption.
And here is the most
important thing of all.
Darling!
You've turned me into a poster!
You look so hot.
I know!
Warden Norton,
would you like to do the honours?
Oh!
What the fuck is this?
I know it doesn't look like much,
but it's months since I got past
the bin and now I
..now I canget past the bin.
You've been to all these places?
Erm, Blair Witch?
Yeah, imagine - an immersive
viewing of Blair Witch Project
in Stenner Woods.
Yeah, we'll be traumatised.
SHE LAUGHS
Erm, how would we watch the film?
Well, you're not going to be here,
are you, babe?
So you don't need to worry
about that.
And the derelict loos
by the Leisure Centre,
that could be Trainspotting.
You know, it's a great way
to attract new members!
Community.
Humans need community.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're really proud of you,
Eves, aren't we?
Group hug!
Er, I don't need proud,
I don't need hugs.
I just need, like, to know
whether you like the idea.
Yeah. I love the idea.
For you.
Sam?
Yeah.
Good.
Bloody hell, Josh! Humble abode?
What the shimmering fuck?
GUESTS CHAT AND LAUGH
Suz? What are you doing here?
Oh, look at you, you heartbreaker!
Oh, Josh, this place is incredible.
Suz
Did they like the cazza cake?
Erm, yeah, they loved it, yeah.
Joshua?
Can you tell the staff to
circulate properly, please?
Is this Mum?
Oh, yeah, sorry, erm
Suz, this is Lydia. Lydia, Suz.
Mums meet at last!
I'm Evie's mother.
Who? Evie.
Evie'smum.
Evie.
OK, right, well, hello, Evie's mum!
Joshua, can you make yourself
useful? For God's sake.
Hi.
A contribution.
Oh, so you're part of the team.
I was confused.
It's just a token of appreciation
for our Joshy.
Appreciation? For what?
Josh. He's like part of the family.
Family?
Well, I mean, he's got
a chest of drawers at our house!
Lydia! Oh, there she is!
Lady Muck, fresh from the Maldives!
Look at that tan!
It's really not that difficult.
It's one lemon,
one rosemary per glass.
Look, one per glass.
I'm not an octopus.
Two staff per 20 guests.
Very clearly explained
on our website.
Well, it wasn't that clearly
explained, was it?
And you're here now,
so don't let me down.
It's really too much for me.
I've been on my feet all day.
It's not really my problem, is it?
The show must go on.
Bloody hell. What's gone on, babe?
These conditions are horrible. Yeah.
The hours are ridiculous. Right.
And they're a
they're a bunch of pricks!
Hey, gently, gently.
Do you know what "pause" stands for?
Pause action until serenity enters.
Give us your hands.
Big, deep breath.
SHE BREATHES SHAKILY
Oh, no, well, don't cry.
Oh, you're going to
ruin your kitten flick.
Are you a guest?
Not really.
I thought I was family.
Come on, grab a tray.
Head held high.
Thank you. I've got you, babe.
I've got you.
Right, champagne.
Champers?
Drink?
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Scusies.
I need to pee.
No-pause rule!
It breaks the flow.
Darlings, it's a basic human right.
FILM STOPS
Kam. I need a poo.
SHE SIGHS
How did you know what the film was?
Josh said he saw feathers
and the garage was grey.
I put two and two together.
SOFTLY: Wow.
You know, we could have gone out
together again
if you'd replied to any of
my calls and messages.
Well, I thought it would be better
if I did it on my own.
Yeah.
Course.
Evie Yeah?
DOOR CREAKS OPEN
Crisis averted.
Mate, that was way too quick.
Nature wee.
In my garden?
SHE LAUGHS
What were you going to say?
These ones go first. Yeah, I know.
Where's the girl?
Why's she not tidied?
I don't know, Mum.
Sue! I'm so sorry.
I completely blanked earlier.
I've remembered who your Evie is.
I had a brain fart.
Oh. Well, I did think,
"Earth to Lydia, Earth to Lydia."
She was in cadets with him,
wasn't she?
Evie in cadets?
JOSH CLEARS THROA
Yeah, she was.
Have you been doing this
all night, Sue?
Yeah. Otherwise that girl
would've been on her on her own.
What a trouper! Well, you must come
and have a drink with us.
No, I think
I'll just jump in a taxi.
Nonsense! The night is young.
Oh, go on, then.
Fabulous. If you could just do a
quick sweep for glasses and plates
and pop them in the dishwashers,
I'll pour you some bubbles
when you're done.
Good.
They can go out when they're done.
Then these.
Oh, Sue.
Sue?
Sue? I think it's Suz, Mum.
Sue?
Sue?
Sue?!
Sue!
Delivered?
What the fuck?
SWEEPING FILM MUSIC PLAYS
Just going to the loo.
Have you seen a parcel? Iz!
Or a package for me?
Izzie, it's Film Club.
This isn't Film Club,
it's a fucking garage.
OK, wellwell,
let's look for it later.
You've shoved it in here
with the rest of your shit!
You know I've been waiting
all day for this.
What is it?
It's my biz cards, Eves.
I could have been out
delivering tonight.
OK, sorry. I-I-I've had
other things on my mind.
Yeah, of course.
Cos it's all about you, isn't it?
Oh, shit.
Kam!
I've got responsibilities, Evie!
Going to grab another bottle,
darling.
Fine, fine.
VOLUME INCREASES
MUSIC: Sull'ariache soave
zeffiretto by Mozart
..it's a swimming pool
Oh, fuck me, Suz.
What an ensemble!
Be still, my throbbing heart.
Oh, thanks, babies.
Cos I feel a bit
So, that's nice.
Oh, what is it, Suz?
SHE SIGHS
Let's get you some snacks.
You all look famished.
Mum? Mum.
Oh, oh! They're here,
they're here, they're here!
Oh, you're all lit up, darling.
Illuminated, Iz.
It's my new business venture -
Homestead Hounds.
No, no, go on, you open them.
Oh, baby!
Drum roll, please.
Oooohhh!
"Homestead Hounds.
"Dog wanking service"?!
Mm.
SHE TITTERS
What?!
No calls, no texts for days.
Felt like Demi Moore.
WHISPERS: What?
Like I'd beenGhosted.
Where are they?
Don't need 'em. They don't care.
Yeah.
It's exhausting being
the one who cares.
Are you joking?
The one who cares?
I cycle here every week.
Full costume,
no matter how mortifying.
Make up all kinds of weird reasons
to leave work early.
I stay the entire time and you're
the only one who cares? OK.
I never said only.
You know what you meant.
I'm sorry it's been such an effort.
An obligation.
OK, don't do that.
Don't
It good, it's over. You're free.
What happened to moving it forwards?
What happened to
Trainspotting in the loo?
Nah, I'm done.
You have to keep it going,
Evie, it's
It's good for you.
Good for me?
Yes. You know what I mean.
Yeah, I do.
You do it cos you really love it.
I don't do it
because I love it, Noa.
I do it because
Did you check?
Obviously, I checked them!
I checked the proof.
Mum? Oh, dear.
Definitely "dog wanking."
Did you check it on the desktop?
No, my phone.
Well, it's tiny text, isn't it, Iz?
Yeah, and it's the
swirly-whirly writing.
I can't fucking believe it.
Well, it's niche.
I'll give you that.
You'll have all sorts
queueing up outside, Suz.
SHE LAUGHS
Don't laugh at me! It's not funny.
You don't laugh at her
daft fucking shit, do you?
Oh, darling, we do.
I knew it was a stupid idea.
It's not stupid, cherub!
Not at all. Josh wound me up.
He made me feel
God, I fucking knew it.
We'll sort it.
We'll sort it all, baby.
It'll be sorted.
They're just pieces of paper,
sweet pea.
It's not just pieces of paper!
This is my thing.
I I'm so
So what? Oh, Iz.
What is it you need?
SHE SNIFFS
Oh
Come on, don't ignore me now.
You've ignored me all week.
It was hardy riveting
conversation, was it, Noa?
You talking at me about utter shite.
Wow, OK.
Yeah, whether you should get
an MRI for your ice pick headache.
If you should buy a dehumidifier.
Lamenting about
your five hours' sleep
and whether I think it's the
light pollution in Manchester
that's keeping you up.
OK, what do you want to
talk about, then?
What happened.
I was trying to talk
about what happened.
Nothing happened.
Don't do that.
I-I got you out.
Oh
Thank you.
Thank you for everything
you've done for me.
You can fuck off now
feeling like the big man.
Yeah, you can clip-clop through
the dock with Tia and Miles,
telling them all about
your noble heroism.
Why are you so angry with me?
Because you took us somewhere
and then you pissed off
and left me there alone.
I was so fucking embarrassed
and confused.
I was embarrassed
and confused as well.
Yeah, but I would never leave.
Only because you can't.
Evie, I didn't mean that.
Agh!
Wait. Evie!
I'm This is for you.
What the hell is it?
Just read it. Say it!
Do you know, I don't even
know why I'm upset.
This is just your personality.
I should be used to this by now.
You're fucking kidding me
You've got a boyfriend.
Oh!
OK, mate, so that's why you can't
say what you mean ever,
or address anything.
Right, so what was your excuse
for the other seven years
and five months
before Josh came on the scene?
Four.
What?
You and Josh have been
together for eight months,
so that would make it
seven years and four months.
Fuck off.
He's a prick!
All men are pricks.
Are you OK?
If Film Club was over,
you'd be relieved, wouldn't you?
Well, maybe it feels a bit
like the moment's passed, love.
Or
Does Does it have to be
on a Friday?
I'll go get your coats.
It's you we love, darling.
Evie Evie.
Oh, shit.
MUSIC: Sull'ariache soave
zeffiretto by Mozart
KNOCK ON DOOR
Hey. I found this outside.
Oh, darling.
Oh, you really do have the ability
to make magic out of nothing.
Do you know that?
Come on. Have something to eat.
What are they?
Just some bits left
over from the party.
What party?
Josh's.
God, you had to go there,
didn't you?
I was just helping.
No, he didn't want your help, Mum.
God, why is everyone meddling
in my life?
It's my boyfriend.
Josh is my boyfriend.
I'm not meddling. Mum, stop.
Hey.
Now, what's been said?
Bloody coming here,
upsetting my little girl.
Don't.
Come here. No.
Evie, you're not acting
like yourself.
Baby I'm fine!
Come here, my baby girl.
I'm fine! I'm fine!
No, you're not.
You're not. This isn't you.
You're my little dreamer.
Mum, you can't fix it.
You need to calm down.
Come here. No.
Mum, stop fucking smothering me.
Then you fucking grow up.
OPERA CONTINUES