I Love LA (2025) s01e04 Episode Script
Upstairses
1
Baleciaga said
they sent the bag, so I know…
- Oh, my fucking God, are you serious?
- Wow!
- Cute.
- Oh, my God.
It's beautiful. Should I bring it?
Absolutely, Quen will love that bag.
And you can put your stuff in it.
Quen just posted a video in that bag…
- Wait, really?
- …where she, like, trips and falls
and breaks her tooth, it's so funny.
- I'm excited.
- Hold on, let me find it.
Maybe you can just text us
when you do find it,
and we can watch it on our own time.
We have to do a good job at this party.
- Do we?
- This is, like, a huge opportunity for us.
- We could level up.
- Maia, relax.
I'm just saying,
she's one of the LA "it" girls.
Yeah, I know, but like, it's just a party,
and she's, like, my kind of people.
Like, I'm feeling we're gonna
be best friends right away.
Yeah, I mean,
you're like, internet friends.
Yeah.
Like, you don't know
if you'll be real best friends.
- Right.
- You know, that's like,
- years of building.
- I mean, we could be though.
- Totally.
- I'm just excited.
You just don't know what she's like.
Okay, I was thinking maybe we could send
the PR stuff to Alani's,
if you're cool with that,
- instead of here?
- Oh, I just…
I'm living there right now,
and I just don't want people
to know my address.
I just feel like I'm gonna have
a stalker really soon.
So then, what, the stalker's
just gonna come to my house?
No, Maia, they don't care
about you, you're fine.
You have to be careful.
Like, once a stalker
has your address, it's game over.
I'm so serious. There's this lady
who still thinks my dad lives at my house.
Every single week,
she sends a fucking envelope
with a bullet in it to my fucking house.
- What?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh!
- Dylan!
Hey, hey.
I was in the other room,
like, the entire time.
- Just grabbing a layer.
- Hi, baby.
Are you scared someone's gonna fuck
your sexy girlfriend?
We have an open flirting policy.
Dylan's very secure. Very secure.
- I'm very secure.
- Oh, okay.
I'm also very secure with not
going to some influencer's,
like, mansion party thing.
Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, my love.
She's not some influencer.
- It's Quenlin fucking Blackwell.
- Mm.
Like, learn celebrities' names, please.
And it's not even at her house.
It's at an undisclosed location.
They're sending us the address
an hour before.
Very exclusive. Like 80-20 ratio,
famous to not famous, so.
Okay, you need to get dressed.
- Ooh. Okay.
- Oh.
Oh, I'm gonna go, baby.
I love you, baby, be safe.
- Bye, Dylan.
- Love you.
I love you.
- Oh.
- I love you!
- Love you.
- Thank you.
It's the address.
- I knew it.
- Wait, what the fuck?
- What?
- The party's at Elijah Wood's house.
- What?
- So weird.
So fucking random.
- What?
- Is Quen fucking Elijah Wood?
Elijah Wood from Lord of the Rings, or…
Yeah, that's the one.
Like what?
Oh, my God!
- What the fuck?
- Oh, my God.
- Alani!
- I'm fine. I know, I'm fine.
This is a lot for me.
Get fucking dressed, let's go! Let's go.
The fuck?
- Wow. Oh, my God.
- Okay, Elijah.
Got that North money.
Got that Good Son paper.
- I see you.
- Right.
Okay, Charlie, did you just google him?
- 100%. His IMDB is robust.
- Tallulah?
- Yeah?
- I was thinking you should…
- Hi!
- …totally make a TikTok with Quen.
- Okay.
- But like, don't ask her.
- You don't wanna seem desperate.
- Right.
There's like this rule in LA
that you can't ask a more famous person
to make a TikTok with you.
Just like, let her take the lead
because it's her party.
Right, I mean, I think you might be
overthinking it a little bit.
We've been DMing for weeks.
We're friends.
Right, because she likes your videos.
Like, she liked the Paulena video.
- And she thinks I'm cool.
- Right, because of our video.
Oh, my God, look at that house, too.
You guys, it's actually, like,
shocking that Elijah Wood
managed to, like, end up
psychologically unscathed somehow,
being a child actor.
Like, I have no proof to back this up,
but I do feel like every child actor
- was severely molested.
- I agree.
He did not get molested.
Take that fucking back.
Charlie, what the fuck is wrong with you?
You know I don't take things back, Alani.
- I can't take that back.
- I'm sorry.
I know I'm, like, being weird.
I have such a crush on him,
and we almost hooked up
this one time in college.
- Wait, what?
- Yeah.
Maia knows. We had this, like,
love connection that happened.
They had this moment.
It was brief, but it was really powerful.
He did a Q&A for our acting class,
and Alani asked him about
Lord of the Rings.
Basically, like, they make
the furniture big so he looks small.
- Shut up!
- Oh!
No way you came, girl.
- There she is.
- Of course, I came.
- And look at this bitch.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Hi.
- Good.
It's so nice to finally meet you.
It's nice to meet you.
I knew we were gonna vibe
the second I saw that video.
- Really?
- Yes!
Like, "Your ugly shit's funded
by centuries of blood money."
That's what I said.
- It was fucking iconic.
- Thank you so much.
We worked so hard on that.
So, it was crazy, 'cause first,
they were gonna have us apologize.
- Well, I just… I was…
- But then, I was like,
- at this bake sale…
- Maia, I was, like, really pissed off,
so I just grabbed my phone
and I started talk…
like, I needed to defend myself.
Of course, yeah.
And you two work together?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
I am her manager at Alyssa180.
180. Why is it called 180?
Why is it not, like, 360?
Totally. So, Alyssa will take your career
in the opposite direction
of where it's headed,
which is the wrong direction.
Okay, well, there is more
drinks outside. It's low-key.
Elijah didn't want, like,
1,000 randos in his house.
- I hate randos.
- Yeah, it's the worst.
- Is he, like, around tonight?
- No, he's not home.
He's not like a big parties guy,
I don't know what it's about.
It's cool. It's chill. I'm chilling.
But make yourselves comfortable.
Anywhere downstairs.
- Downstairs.
- Okay.
- Yes.
- Got it. Downstairs, you guys.
- We'll keep it downstairs.
- Quen.
You have to hit this.
Tallulah, you have to meet Naomi.
- What? Okay.
- Come on.
And should I, too, meet her?
- Naomi?
- Is that the bag girl?
- Me?
- Yes.
- Yes!
- I'm the bag bitch.
Charlie? Charlie?
- Hey!
- Hey.
- He's sort of waving me away.
- Hey!
Okay, maybe we do a lap?
- Okay.
- Yeah, a lap is good.
I'm freaking out, girl. I'm freaking out.
It's a nice place.
This is Elijah Wood's kitchen counter.
Oh, hot!
Oh, my God, of course.
And this is his coaster,
which I should be using,
'cause I respect him.
Wait. We're never gonna be back here.
I feel like we should snoop.
I like to snoop.
Have you booked anything
since the Paulena vid?
No, but Balenciaga
did send me this bag, so.
- Ooh!
- Oh!
- What are you trying to be?
- What do you mean?
Like a fashion girl?
Yeah! Why not?
What other brands is Maia talking to?
So like, I don't know, like, specifically.
- Mm-hmm. Mm.
- But probably a lot, you know.
I mean, she did get me the bag.
Come on. Hello?
- Did she?
- Yeah, she got…
- I mean, yeah.
- Like, did she get you the bag
or did your sweat get you the bag?
- Mm-hmm.
- We're the talent, honey.
Tea. Yeah.
Wait, I swear to God, I saw a shrimp
on a tray earlier,
and I'm so fucking hungry.
We have to record a video together.
Oh, my God, yeah.
When… literally, whenever.
How 'bout now?
- Like, right now?
- Yeah, we'll go do the video
and then we'll get you some shrimp.
Unless you need to go
text your manager first.
No. That sounds like a win-win to me.
Okay, yay!
Two birds, one stone.
- I'm hungry as fuck.
- I love this.
- Sick.
- Yeah.
- This iconic collab!
- Yeah!
Wait, leave your drinks here.
Let's go upstairs.
It's gorgeous.
Wait, okay, Elijah has amazing taste.
I know, it's gorgeous.
It's like a big-ass sauna.
- Stunning.
- Oh, my God. Let's go upstairs.
Wait, no, Alani. There's a sign.
- We can't.
- Oh yeah, it's fine.
- Come on, we won't…
- I know, but I feel like Elijah
has, like, cameras everywhere.
What if he comes home
and sees the footage, jerks off?
To us? That sounds awesome.
What the fuck are
you talking about? Come on.
Okay, that sounds kinda awesome.
I never break the rules.
Okay, okay, but seriously,
what's your favorite part about LA so far?
Actually, it's the people.
The people here are just amazing.
And they say people here in LA are fake.
I don't think that's true.
Everyone's been so nice.
I mean, example number one.
- Stop. Stop.
- Standing right in front of me, right?
You're gonna make me blush, seriously.
But, you know, the people here are,
like, so creative, too.
Like, like this jacket? I mean, it… what?
It looks like a painting or something.
Like, where'd you even
get something like this?
It's, it's ERL.
Cool, it's like… so you just,
like, get that in a store?
Or online.
You know, anywhere
you buy clothes, really.
Or you could steal it from me.
You could beat me up and steal it!
- I wouldn't mind. Beat the shit outta me.
- Oh, no, I…
I wouldn't do that.
- I know.
- Yeah.
I know.
How's your drink doing, by the way?
You know, it needs ice, I think.
- Yeah, same.
- Yeah.
Should we go find some?
I already checked.
Just couldn't find any.
It just wasn't there, it wasn't available.
Oh, you know what? My car's out front.
You wanna go?
Yeah, we can get some ice.
Let's do that, let's get some ice.
Okay.
I wonder if Elijah has, like,
a gift-wrapping room.
'Cause he's so generous.
Celebrities have, like,
the best upstairses.
I know, but the upstairses is
where the Diddy stuff happened.
- Please.
- We have to be careful.
You'll spend the long,
hot days by my side, won't you?
- Oh, my.
- I think I lost my glasses in your pool.
- I better go in and find them.
- Wait, oh, my God, sorry.
You're wearing your glasses.
Wait, Alani.
No, he looked so peaceful in there.
We need to go back downstairs.
Why are you being so weird?
This is your celebrity crush.
Famous people make me
really nervous, dude.
- I can't do this.
- What are you talking about?
Robert De Niro taught you how to swim.
Dude, that's so different.
He's just my dad's friend
who's, like, good at swimming.
He was in Shark Tale.
Alani, this is the universe
giving you another chance.
We're not gonna run into him again
for, like, another seven years.
And by then, I'm gonna be old
and living on the West Side.
- Okay.
- Let's do this.
Milhouse.
- Uh, hi, Bart.
- Okay.
Let's get that Wood.
You'll spend the long, hot days by my…
- Hey.
- Hey. Hi, I'm Elijah.
Hi, I'm Maia.
This is my friend, Alani.
Cool.
Have you guys ever seen The Simpsons?
Oh. Yeah, totally.
It's that yellow family, right?
Oh, by the way, I'm totally good
to drive to the gas station for ice.
I'm on this acne medication
right now, so I can't drink.
I was just having Kid Cudi's N.A. mezcal.
But that's the only N.A. mezcal
that's distilled in Cleveland, right?
Yeah, you know,
I think I read that somewhere.
Yeah.
That's so cool that you keep up with…
Oh. Oh, hey.
Shoot. I'm so sorry.
- Shoot.
- No, it…
Like, this happens a lot. It's…
What, what?
You have like a fucking
boyfriend or something?
I'm not gay.
I'm Catholic.
- What?
- Yeah, this has kind of happened
to me before, you know?
Because of my faith,
I'm just super open-hearted,
and a lot of people interpret that
as being a gay guy
who wants to get married
to a man and settle down…
Yeah, no, no, gay people
aren't open-hearted.
I…
Fucking…
It was, no, more,
because you were touching
my chest, arms, and body, and, you know,
asking me if I wanted
to go leave the party with you.
- Yeah.
- That's maybe why I thought…
To get ice, 'cause our drinks
were getting warm.
Anyway.
Oh, and maybe while we're there,
we can get bananas,
so I can take my big pill.
GPS says it's 37 minutes away.
Wow, we're really in those hills, huh?
Gosh, it's so nice making friends in LA.
Oh, man! We gotta watch
the liquor store scene from Superbad.
I love clips.
Superbad, liquor store scene.
Oh, I remember this part.
His ID says McLovin, right?
How did you do that?
How did you know the part
before it happened?
Is this your favorite film?
No, I just saw it once
when I was younger.
And you just remember what the ID says?
- Yeah.
- God, I wish I could do that.
I have such bad memory.
It's something I really struggle with.
Elijah, that must be, like,
really hard for you,
'cause you have so many words
to, like, remember for your job.
Oh, lines I can remember, no problem.
"Hi, I'm Frodo Baggins." See?
- That was great.
- It's everything else
that I don't have room for.
Totally. I'm like that way with trees.
I don't know what any of them are called.
You know, I met Jonah Hill
once at a dinner. So nice.
He's not funny like in his films,
but really smart.
Is that how you, like, meet people?
Through the actor community?
Yeah, how do you mostly meet people?
Oh, I don't know.
It's hard to make friends,
because I don't do well in big groups.
There's so many names to remember.
- Mm.
- But I love a trio.
So, this is perfect.
What? You just have this,
like, set up here?
- Yeah.
- This is kind of amazing.
Hi.
- Are these your friends?
- No, they're my TikTok guys.
- Ooh, TikTok guys.
- Yes.
That's fun.
Can you play the song again
so I can get the vibe?
Yeah.
Really? This is so bad.
It's really bad, it's really bad.
We could find something better.
- But people are obsessed with it.
- Really?
- Can you show her?
- Oh. Yeah.
- There you go.
- Oh, wow.
This is the new Landry single.
It blew up first
in the Midwest with the
kiss-your-fiancée-at-the-dock trend.
But now, there's a remix
that's huge in Brazil.
Which means
it's gonna be huge everywhere.
- Got it.
- Okay, let's run it through
- with the Meryl Streep scene.
- Okay.
What's it from?
- Kramer vs. Kramer.
- Are you kidding me?
- I fucking love Kramer vs. Kramer.
- Me too, like…
Okay, ready?
Where you going? Come on.
Just tell me what I did, that's all.
Just tell me what I did
that's so terrible.
- It's not you.
- Then, what is it?
It's me, it's my fault.
You just married
the wrong person, that's all.
- So, do you have your line?
- Camera's set.
Okay, ready. Okay, go.
Where you going? Come on.
Just tell me what I did, that's all.
Just tell me what I did
that's so terrible.
- No, it's not you.
- Then, what is it?
It's me, it's my fault.
You just married
the wrong person, that's all.
Where you going?
Come on, just tell me
what I did, that's all.
Just tell me what I did
that's so terrible.
- It's not you.
- Then, what is it?
It's me, it's my fault.
You just married
the wrong person, that's all.
It's so good!
Maia's gonna freak.
Do…
- Let's switch outfits.
- What?
I don't know.
I'm just, like, looking at it
and the colors aren't popping.
It needs to pop.
High contrasts and neons
are more likely to stop
people from scrolling.
Mm-hmm.
What if we were nurses?
- Is it too much?
- No, that's…
I have options. Naomi!
Yes, mama?
Sorry, I was in the…
I was in the bathroom.
I need you to pick us out
some new outfits.
- Okay.
- This has to be perfect.
- Okay.
- Like, we'll just keep doing it
- until we get it right.
- Totally.
We'll do, like, nurses,
fuck around with that,
and then we can go get some shrimp.
- What?
- Oh, 'cause before
when we were outside,
you said that after the video.
I never said there was shrimp.
Okay.
Okay, maybe I'm stoned, but…
as soon as you guys opened the door,
I knew you'd known each other
for a long time.
Because you look alike.
Does that make sense?
- Totally.
- We've gotten that before.
Yeah.
You know, Elijah,
Alani and I both went to NYU,
and you actually did a Q&A
for our acting class,
and you called on Alani,
and you guys had
this whole back-and-forth.
It was really cute.
Oh, my God.
- We've met?
- Oh.
Alani, I feel so bad.
No. What, you shouldn't.
It was like brief as… I don't even…
- When did that happen?
- But I hate that about myself.
Like, you remember but I don't.
It was super quick, like,
and you were really, really nice.
There's no reason for you to remember.
Hey, I'm not better than you.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna make myself remember.
Do you know what a memory palace is?
First, you imagine a place
you know really well.
For me, it's the home I grew up in.
- Bag End.
- And then, you put
important things in specific rooms,
and you put them with something
really memorable.
- That's so cool.
- I'll show you.
Like…
what's my business manager's son's name?
Shoot. I don't know.
No, I know. I just have to find it.
Okay. I'm walking up the stairs.
Now, I'm in the back bedroom.
I'm opening the door.
And there's the Queen of England
playing guitar,
and she's wearing a shirt that says…
Cole! His name is Cole.
Wow, that was fucking cool.
- Yes, that was so cool. Cole.
- Wait, hold on.
Now, you guys are in my palace.
I'm gonna put you in…
the sunroom,
so I'll always remember tonight.
Oh. Where are my manners?
You guys don't have to sit on the floor.
You're welcome to sit on the bed.
Oh. Chill.
But you have to put on robes.
No street clothes on the bed.
There are robes in my bathroom,
if you wanna put them on.
It's up to you.
Well, should do we… should…
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I mean, if we…
- Is everything cool?
- I can go back dow… yeah.
Oh, okay, so you're a stylist.
That makes so much sense.
That explains the jacket.
Like, where else would you
even get a jacket like that?
At the store, like I said.
Okay, dumb question,
but how does being a stylist work?
Like, do you work with lots of people
- or just one big person?
- I'm freelance.
So, every week is a fun,
new, exciting challenge.
Okay, I think just, like,
two bags is fine.
- Let's get back to the party.
- Are we sure that's enough though?
Just 'cause, I don't know,
I don't drink, but like…
how many ice cubes
does one drink even have?
Like, five? Ten?
I don't… I'm just realizing
I've never counted,
- 'cause when you put it in, it's so quick.
- Okay, yeah, let's get three.
- Three is perfect.
- Okay. Perfect.
Perfect amount of ice for the party
we're gonna go back to
and meet lots of new people.
Yeah.
Hi!
Sorry, Lukas, can we get a selfie?
Of course, oh, my gosh.
Let's just do one real quick, yeah?
Okay. Come on.
Ready? Three, two, one.
Okay, perfect.
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
Thank you. That's for us.
- Thank you!
- What the fuck was that?
It's kind of embarrassing,
but I'm a bit of a singer.
I just go by Landry,
which is my last name.
It was mostly a thing with
Christian girls on TikTok,
but now it's kind of going more wide.
How…
how wide?
I've got about, like, 4 million on TikTok.
But it's hard to keep track
'cause the number just keeps going up.
I have this one video that
has 66.7 million likes on it,
so that's pretty cool.
You know what?
We gotta get you that banana.
Oh, my God.
Alani, are we about to have
our first three-way ever
with Elijah Wood?
Oh, wait. What about Dylan?
Okay, good point. Let me text him.
Oh, my God. Tallulah's texting me
asking me where to get shrimp.
- It's like, girl, get your own.
- Girl, please. Yeah, oh, my God.
I'm gonna get my own shrimp.
Yep.
Oh, my God, yes!
- Dylan says yes. I love him.
- Okay. Okay.
Okay, wait, he's being weirdly specific
about why he says yes.
Okay, he needs you to do,
- like, the penetration stuff.
- No, I got it.
That's what I'm here for.
Fuck!
What?
Okay, ultimately, it's a yes.
You know what? I feel like it'd be weird
to have our first kiss, like,
in front of Elijah.
- Do you feel me?
- Totally.
- Let's do it.
- Okay.
One, two, three.
Okay.
Okay, we're doing this. We're doing this?
- We're doing this.
- We're doing this.
Like, you really didn't have to
fill my tank all the way up…
Shh, I'm trying to listen to your song.
Okay. It's good.
Dude, I'm so glad you like it, man.
I would listen to this,
and will, probably
- like, on my way home.
- Yes!
Yeah, no, it's really good.
It's really good.
It's really, really, really good.
- Right? Like…
- Yeah.
Like, if you wanna post
a video of your son
taking his first steps,
or your husband getting over
- his pornography addiction…
- Right.
…like, that should be the soundtrack.
It's beautiful to be part
of people's, like, happiest moments.
It's like, you get to be there.
Man, it's such a shame
that you're so into,
like, freelance right now,
'cause I have this, like, residency thing
in Vegas coming up, and I don't know.
Yeah, I just don't know what I want, like,
the style for it to be.
But, yeah, the show's gonna be
going for a really long time,
and we're gonna spend so much money on it.
I wanna create something
that's fun and inspiring.
Are you being serious right now?
That's like…
- What?
- That's just insane.
Like, this morning, I was like,
I really just wanna do something,
like, fun and inspiring.
That's… I mean,
it could be a really good match.
I don't know, 'cause like,
right, you said inspiring, right?
- Yes, yes. Like, really?
- Yeah, yeah, inspiring, yeah.
- Wow. I mean…
- That's what I want.
That's my whole goal,
is to create a platform
where I can spread a message of love.
I… that's… that's great.
God's love, and His mercy, you know?
- Yeah.
- His love.
- Totally.
- God's love.
- Hey.
- And God's mercy.
- Hey.
- Right?
Yeah.
Lukas…
tell me more about
this Vegas residency.
Okay.
Okay, I left my underwear on to,
like, leave a little mystery.
Smart. That's really smart.
Okay.
Here we go. You ready?
Yes.
Shrek, "All Star," movie version.
Wait.
Did you take your clothes off
under the robes?
Yeah.
I still have my underwear on, though.
Now, I have to destroy the robes!
I can't believe this happened again!
Again. Again. And again.
You just married the wrong person…
Pause. Rewind it back. Rewind it back.
- I wasn't ready for that part.
- Okay, I hear you.
'Cause you said start again
- so quickly after.
- I understand.
- Do it again.
- Again.
- You…
- Pause, pause, pause!
- Not synced.
- I think I literally just…
You literally weren't though, girl.
Okay, Elijah, we're really sorry, okay?
We didn't realize you actually
had a germ thing.
We thought these were like sexy robes.
Yeah, they seemed like sexy robes.
Every girl thinks
she's the only girl in the world
who wants to fuck sweet Elijah.
No one wants to be friends
with sweet Elijah.
We do! We promise that we do!
Honestly, friends is better.
Like, sex makes me tired sometimes.
He doesn't wanna hear about
your weird personal stuff.
Elijah, we're so sorry.
This, this, this is why
I can't go downstairs
at parties at my own fucking house!
You just married the wrong person.
Don't blink so much.
They can see you tremble.
- We want people to watch this.
- You just married
- the wrong person, that's all.
- I don't wanna see you acting in this one.
- Picture Meryl Streep.
- You just married the wrong…
- You love Dustin Hoffman.
- You just married the wrong…
- Don't look so sad.
- It's me, it's my fault.
- Faster!
- You just married
- the wrong person, that's all!
- Slower, slower.
Look, we misread the situation.
- We had a little bit too much to drink.
- Oh.
Sorry, do you mind just turning it down?
Volume up.
Now this, this is stuck
in my memory palace forever.
When you put something in the palace,
- you can't take it out!
- Oh, my God.
We wanna be in the palace.
We'll go to another room.
We'll go to the bathroom.
We'll go to the fucking coat closet.
- We're sorry.
- I'm not just a fuck machine. Okay?!
- What is it?
- It's me, it's my fault.
Oh, wait, we have a take. We have a take.
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Quen, Landry is here.
- You should just do one with him.
- Yes! Fuck!
Don't post this. I'm texting Landry.
Delete that shit.
I'll go grab some looks.
- Tally, you wanna come with?
- I gotta pee really badly.
I'm about to piss my pants.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
What the fuck is this?
This is my click farm.
We're not paying some
sketchy outfit in Vietnam.
What's a click farm?
Social media platforms, well,
they can now detect
if you use emulation software
to manipulate engagement, so ultimately,
just buying, like,
cheaper used smartphones
- is like a way easy way…
- Aaron, shut the fuck up, leave.
We have to go. We have to go.
Go, go.
Wait!
You've got to push yourself
to learn this stuff.
Right. My thing is,
I'm just a little more spontaneous.
You know what I mean?
Like, my fans love when I fuck up.
It's like the video of you
- chipping your tooth.
- That wasn't a fuck-up.
My dentist pre-chipped the tooth.
- What?
- Tallulah, listen to me.
If you stop for a second,
you will fucking disappear.
Who else cares about your career?
Your happiness,
is anyone paying attention to that?
Honestly, yeah.
Someone is.
Oh, my God… oh! What?
- We need to leave this party.
- Yeah.
There you bitches are.
Where were you guys?
- Upstairs.
- Upstairs?
But that's where the Diddy stuff happened.
Fucking God,
how come there are no shoe places
open on DoorDash right now?
This is a fucking nightmare.
Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry.
I love your dress.
- Maia!
- Oh, my God.
- That was crazy. I missed you.
- I love you.
I love you, too. Also, there's a chance
I got in a Quen TikTok.
Girl, get in the fucking car.
I'm trying! I'm wearing Chloes!
Oh, my God,
Elijah Wood could have killed us.
- What?
- Guys, any man
could kill you at any moment.
I could kill you right now.
Shut up.
Do you mind stopping laughing like that?
Baleciaga said
they sent the bag, so I know…
- Oh, my fucking God, are you serious?
- Wow!
- Cute.
- Oh, my God.
It's beautiful. Should I bring it?
Absolutely, Quen will love that bag.
And you can put your stuff in it.
Quen just posted a video in that bag…
- Wait, really?
- …where she, like, trips and falls
and breaks her tooth, it's so funny.
- I'm excited.
- Hold on, let me find it.
Maybe you can just text us
when you do find it,
and we can watch it on our own time.
We have to do a good job at this party.
- Do we?
- This is, like, a huge opportunity for us.
- We could level up.
- Maia, relax.
I'm just saying,
she's one of the LA "it" girls.
Yeah, I know, but like, it's just a party,
and she's, like, my kind of people.
Like, I'm feeling we're gonna
be best friends right away.
Yeah, I mean,
you're like, internet friends.
Yeah.
Like, you don't know
if you'll be real best friends.
- Right.
- You know, that's like,
- years of building.
- I mean, we could be though.
- Totally.
- I'm just excited.
You just don't know what she's like.
Okay, I was thinking maybe we could send
the PR stuff to Alani's,
if you're cool with that,
- instead of here?
- Oh, I just…
I'm living there right now,
and I just don't want people
to know my address.
I just feel like I'm gonna have
a stalker really soon.
So then, what, the stalker's
just gonna come to my house?
No, Maia, they don't care
about you, you're fine.
You have to be careful.
Like, once a stalker
has your address, it's game over.
I'm so serious. There's this lady
who still thinks my dad lives at my house.
Every single week,
she sends a fucking envelope
with a bullet in it to my fucking house.
- What?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh!
- Dylan!
Hey, hey.
I was in the other room,
like, the entire time.
- Just grabbing a layer.
- Hi, baby.
Are you scared someone's gonna fuck
your sexy girlfriend?
We have an open flirting policy.
Dylan's very secure. Very secure.
- I'm very secure.
- Oh, okay.
I'm also very secure with not
going to some influencer's,
like, mansion party thing.
Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, my love.
She's not some influencer.
- It's Quenlin fucking Blackwell.
- Mm.
Like, learn celebrities' names, please.
And it's not even at her house.
It's at an undisclosed location.
They're sending us the address
an hour before.
Very exclusive. Like 80-20 ratio,
famous to not famous, so.
Okay, you need to get dressed.
- Ooh. Okay.
- Oh.
Oh, I'm gonna go, baby.
I love you, baby, be safe.
- Bye, Dylan.
- Love you.
I love you.
- Oh.
- I love you!
- Love you.
- Thank you.
It's the address.
- I knew it.
- Wait, what the fuck?
- What?
- The party's at Elijah Wood's house.
- What?
- So weird.
So fucking random.
- What?
- Is Quen fucking Elijah Wood?
Elijah Wood from Lord of the Rings, or…
Yeah, that's the one.
Like what?
Oh, my God!
- What the fuck?
- Oh, my God.
- Alani!
- I'm fine. I know, I'm fine.
This is a lot for me.
Get fucking dressed, let's go! Let's go.
The fuck?
- Wow. Oh, my God.
- Okay, Elijah.
Got that North money.
Got that Good Son paper.
- I see you.
- Right.
Okay, Charlie, did you just google him?
- 100%. His IMDB is robust.
- Tallulah?
- Yeah?
- I was thinking you should…
- Hi!
- …totally make a TikTok with Quen.
- Okay.
- But like, don't ask her.
- You don't wanna seem desperate.
- Right.
There's like this rule in LA
that you can't ask a more famous person
to make a TikTok with you.
Just like, let her take the lead
because it's her party.
Right, I mean, I think you might be
overthinking it a little bit.
We've been DMing for weeks.
We're friends.
Right, because she likes your videos.
Like, she liked the Paulena video.
- And she thinks I'm cool.
- Right, because of our video.
Oh, my God, look at that house, too.
You guys, it's actually, like,
shocking that Elijah Wood
managed to, like, end up
psychologically unscathed somehow,
being a child actor.
Like, I have no proof to back this up,
but I do feel like every child actor
- was severely molested.
- I agree.
He did not get molested.
Take that fucking back.
Charlie, what the fuck is wrong with you?
You know I don't take things back, Alani.
- I can't take that back.
- I'm sorry.
I know I'm, like, being weird.
I have such a crush on him,
and we almost hooked up
this one time in college.
- Wait, what?
- Yeah.
Maia knows. We had this, like,
love connection that happened.
They had this moment.
It was brief, but it was really powerful.
He did a Q&A for our acting class,
and Alani asked him about
Lord of the Rings.
Basically, like, they make
the furniture big so he looks small.
- Shut up!
- Oh!
No way you came, girl.
- There she is.
- Of course, I came.
- And look at this bitch.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Hi.
- Good.
It's so nice to finally meet you.
It's nice to meet you.
I knew we were gonna vibe
the second I saw that video.
- Really?
- Yes!
Like, "Your ugly shit's funded
by centuries of blood money."
That's what I said.
- It was fucking iconic.
- Thank you so much.
We worked so hard on that.
So, it was crazy, 'cause first,
they were gonna have us apologize.
- Well, I just… I was…
- But then, I was like,
- at this bake sale…
- Maia, I was, like, really pissed off,
so I just grabbed my phone
and I started talk…
like, I needed to defend myself.
Of course, yeah.
And you two work together?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
I am her manager at Alyssa180.
180. Why is it called 180?
Why is it not, like, 360?
Totally. So, Alyssa will take your career
in the opposite direction
of where it's headed,
which is the wrong direction.
Okay, well, there is more
drinks outside. It's low-key.
Elijah didn't want, like,
1,000 randos in his house.
- I hate randos.
- Yeah, it's the worst.
- Is he, like, around tonight?
- No, he's not home.
He's not like a big parties guy,
I don't know what it's about.
It's cool. It's chill. I'm chilling.
But make yourselves comfortable.
Anywhere downstairs.
- Downstairs.
- Okay.
- Yes.
- Got it. Downstairs, you guys.
- We'll keep it downstairs.
- Quen.
You have to hit this.
Tallulah, you have to meet Naomi.
- What? Okay.
- Come on.
And should I, too, meet her?
- Naomi?
- Is that the bag girl?
- Me?
- Yes.
- Yes!
- I'm the bag bitch.
Charlie? Charlie?
- Hey!
- Hey.
- He's sort of waving me away.
- Hey!
Okay, maybe we do a lap?
- Okay.
- Yeah, a lap is good.
I'm freaking out, girl. I'm freaking out.
It's a nice place.
This is Elijah Wood's kitchen counter.
Oh, hot!
Oh, my God, of course.
And this is his coaster,
which I should be using,
'cause I respect him.
Wait. We're never gonna be back here.
I feel like we should snoop.
I like to snoop.
Have you booked anything
since the Paulena vid?
No, but Balenciaga
did send me this bag, so.
- Ooh!
- Oh!
- What are you trying to be?
- What do you mean?
Like a fashion girl?
Yeah! Why not?
What other brands is Maia talking to?
So like, I don't know, like, specifically.
- Mm-hmm. Mm.
- But probably a lot, you know.
I mean, she did get me the bag.
Come on. Hello?
- Did she?
- Yeah, she got…
- I mean, yeah.
- Like, did she get you the bag
or did your sweat get you the bag?
- Mm-hmm.
- We're the talent, honey.
Tea. Yeah.
Wait, I swear to God, I saw a shrimp
on a tray earlier,
and I'm so fucking hungry.
We have to record a video together.
Oh, my God, yeah.
When… literally, whenever.
How 'bout now?
- Like, right now?
- Yeah, we'll go do the video
and then we'll get you some shrimp.
Unless you need to go
text your manager first.
No. That sounds like a win-win to me.
Okay, yay!
Two birds, one stone.
- I'm hungry as fuck.
- I love this.
- Sick.
- Yeah.
- This iconic collab!
- Yeah!
Wait, leave your drinks here.
Let's go upstairs.
It's gorgeous.
Wait, okay, Elijah has amazing taste.
I know, it's gorgeous.
It's like a big-ass sauna.
- Stunning.
- Oh, my God. Let's go upstairs.
Wait, no, Alani. There's a sign.
- We can't.
- Oh yeah, it's fine.
- Come on, we won't…
- I know, but I feel like Elijah
has, like, cameras everywhere.
What if he comes home
and sees the footage, jerks off?
To us? That sounds awesome.
What the fuck are
you talking about? Come on.
Okay, that sounds kinda awesome.
I never break the rules.
Okay, okay, but seriously,
what's your favorite part about LA so far?
Actually, it's the people.
The people here are just amazing.
And they say people here in LA are fake.
I don't think that's true.
Everyone's been so nice.
I mean, example number one.
- Stop. Stop.
- Standing right in front of me, right?
You're gonna make me blush, seriously.
But, you know, the people here are,
like, so creative, too.
Like, like this jacket? I mean, it… what?
It looks like a painting or something.
Like, where'd you even
get something like this?
It's, it's ERL.
Cool, it's like… so you just,
like, get that in a store?
Or online.
You know, anywhere
you buy clothes, really.
Or you could steal it from me.
You could beat me up and steal it!
- I wouldn't mind. Beat the shit outta me.
- Oh, no, I…
I wouldn't do that.
- I know.
- Yeah.
I know.
How's your drink doing, by the way?
You know, it needs ice, I think.
- Yeah, same.
- Yeah.
Should we go find some?
I already checked.
Just couldn't find any.
It just wasn't there, it wasn't available.
Oh, you know what? My car's out front.
You wanna go?
Yeah, we can get some ice.
Let's do that, let's get some ice.
Okay.
I wonder if Elijah has, like,
a gift-wrapping room.
'Cause he's so generous.
Celebrities have, like,
the best upstairses.
I know, but the upstairses is
where the Diddy stuff happened.
- Please.
- We have to be careful.
You'll spend the long,
hot days by my side, won't you?
- Oh, my.
- I think I lost my glasses in your pool.
- I better go in and find them.
- Wait, oh, my God, sorry.
You're wearing your glasses.
Wait, Alani.
No, he looked so peaceful in there.
We need to go back downstairs.
Why are you being so weird?
This is your celebrity crush.
Famous people make me
really nervous, dude.
- I can't do this.
- What are you talking about?
Robert De Niro taught you how to swim.
Dude, that's so different.
He's just my dad's friend
who's, like, good at swimming.
He was in Shark Tale.
Alani, this is the universe
giving you another chance.
We're not gonna run into him again
for, like, another seven years.
And by then, I'm gonna be old
and living on the West Side.
- Okay.
- Let's do this.
Milhouse.
- Uh, hi, Bart.
- Okay.
Let's get that Wood.
You'll spend the long, hot days by my…
- Hey.
- Hey. Hi, I'm Elijah.
Hi, I'm Maia.
This is my friend, Alani.
Cool.
Have you guys ever seen The Simpsons?
Oh. Yeah, totally.
It's that yellow family, right?
Oh, by the way, I'm totally good
to drive to the gas station for ice.
I'm on this acne medication
right now, so I can't drink.
I was just having Kid Cudi's N.A. mezcal.
But that's the only N.A. mezcal
that's distilled in Cleveland, right?
Yeah, you know,
I think I read that somewhere.
Yeah.
That's so cool that you keep up with…
Oh. Oh, hey.
Shoot. I'm so sorry.
- Shoot.
- No, it…
Like, this happens a lot. It's…
What, what?
You have like a fucking
boyfriend or something?
I'm not gay.
I'm Catholic.
- What?
- Yeah, this has kind of happened
to me before, you know?
Because of my faith,
I'm just super open-hearted,
and a lot of people interpret that
as being a gay guy
who wants to get married
to a man and settle down…
Yeah, no, no, gay people
aren't open-hearted.
I…
Fucking…
It was, no, more,
because you were touching
my chest, arms, and body, and, you know,
asking me if I wanted
to go leave the party with you.
- Yeah.
- That's maybe why I thought…
To get ice, 'cause our drinks
were getting warm.
Anyway.
Oh, and maybe while we're there,
we can get bananas,
so I can take my big pill.
GPS says it's 37 minutes away.
Wow, we're really in those hills, huh?
Gosh, it's so nice making friends in LA.
Oh, man! We gotta watch
the liquor store scene from Superbad.
I love clips.
Superbad, liquor store scene.
Oh, I remember this part.
His ID says McLovin, right?
How did you do that?
How did you know the part
before it happened?
Is this your favorite film?
No, I just saw it once
when I was younger.
And you just remember what the ID says?
- Yeah.
- God, I wish I could do that.
I have such bad memory.
It's something I really struggle with.
Elijah, that must be, like,
really hard for you,
'cause you have so many words
to, like, remember for your job.
Oh, lines I can remember, no problem.
"Hi, I'm Frodo Baggins." See?
- That was great.
- It's everything else
that I don't have room for.
Totally. I'm like that way with trees.
I don't know what any of them are called.
You know, I met Jonah Hill
once at a dinner. So nice.
He's not funny like in his films,
but really smart.
Is that how you, like, meet people?
Through the actor community?
Yeah, how do you mostly meet people?
Oh, I don't know.
It's hard to make friends,
because I don't do well in big groups.
There's so many names to remember.
- Mm.
- But I love a trio.
So, this is perfect.
What? You just have this,
like, set up here?
- Yeah.
- This is kind of amazing.
Hi.
- Are these your friends?
- No, they're my TikTok guys.
- Ooh, TikTok guys.
- Yes.
That's fun.
Can you play the song again
so I can get the vibe?
Yeah.
Really? This is so bad.
It's really bad, it's really bad.
We could find something better.
- But people are obsessed with it.
- Really?
- Can you show her?
- Oh. Yeah.
- There you go.
- Oh, wow.
This is the new Landry single.
It blew up first
in the Midwest with the
kiss-your-fiancée-at-the-dock trend.
But now, there's a remix
that's huge in Brazil.
Which means
it's gonna be huge everywhere.
- Got it.
- Okay, let's run it through
- with the Meryl Streep scene.
- Okay.
What's it from?
- Kramer vs. Kramer.
- Are you kidding me?
- I fucking love Kramer vs. Kramer.
- Me too, like…
Okay, ready?
Where you going? Come on.
Just tell me what I did, that's all.
Just tell me what I did
that's so terrible.
- It's not you.
- Then, what is it?
It's me, it's my fault.
You just married
the wrong person, that's all.
- So, do you have your line?
- Camera's set.
Okay, ready. Okay, go.
Where you going? Come on.
Just tell me what I did, that's all.
Just tell me what I did
that's so terrible.
- No, it's not you.
- Then, what is it?
It's me, it's my fault.
You just married
the wrong person, that's all.
Where you going?
Come on, just tell me
what I did, that's all.
Just tell me what I did
that's so terrible.
- It's not you.
- Then, what is it?
It's me, it's my fault.
You just married
the wrong person, that's all.
It's so good!
Maia's gonna freak.
Do…
- Let's switch outfits.
- What?
I don't know.
I'm just, like, looking at it
and the colors aren't popping.
It needs to pop.
High contrasts and neons
are more likely to stop
people from scrolling.
Mm-hmm.
What if we were nurses?
- Is it too much?
- No, that's…
I have options. Naomi!
Yes, mama?
Sorry, I was in the…
I was in the bathroom.
I need you to pick us out
some new outfits.
- Okay.
- This has to be perfect.
- Okay.
- Like, we'll just keep doing it
- until we get it right.
- Totally.
We'll do, like, nurses,
fuck around with that,
and then we can go get some shrimp.
- What?
- Oh, 'cause before
when we were outside,
you said that after the video.
I never said there was shrimp.
Okay.
Okay, maybe I'm stoned, but…
as soon as you guys opened the door,
I knew you'd known each other
for a long time.
Because you look alike.
Does that make sense?
- Totally.
- We've gotten that before.
Yeah.
You know, Elijah,
Alani and I both went to NYU,
and you actually did a Q&A
for our acting class,
and you called on Alani,
and you guys had
this whole back-and-forth.
It was really cute.
Oh, my God.
- We've met?
- Oh.
Alani, I feel so bad.
No. What, you shouldn't.
It was like brief as… I don't even…
- When did that happen?
- But I hate that about myself.
Like, you remember but I don't.
It was super quick, like,
and you were really, really nice.
There's no reason for you to remember.
Hey, I'm not better than you.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna make myself remember.
Do you know what a memory palace is?
First, you imagine a place
you know really well.
For me, it's the home I grew up in.
- Bag End.
- And then, you put
important things in specific rooms,
and you put them with something
really memorable.
- That's so cool.
- I'll show you.
Like…
what's my business manager's son's name?
Shoot. I don't know.
No, I know. I just have to find it.
Okay. I'm walking up the stairs.
Now, I'm in the back bedroom.
I'm opening the door.
And there's the Queen of England
playing guitar,
and she's wearing a shirt that says…
Cole! His name is Cole.
Wow, that was fucking cool.
- Yes, that was so cool. Cole.
- Wait, hold on.
Now, you guys are in my palace.
I'm gonna put you in…
the sunroom,
so I'll always remember tonight.
Oh. Where are my manners?
You guys don't have to sit on the floor.
You're welcome to sit on the bed.
Oh. Chill.
But you have to put on robes.
No street clothes on the bed.
There are robes in my bathroom,
if you wanna put them on.
It's up to you.
Well, should do we… should…
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I mean, if we…
- Is everything cool?
- I can go back dow… yeah.
Oh, okay, so you're a stylist.
That makes so much sense.
That explains the jacket.
Like, where else would you
even get a jacket like that?
At the store, like I said.
Okay, dumb question,
but how does being a stylist work?
Like, do you work with lots of people
- or just one big person?
- I'm freelance.
So, every week is a fun,
new, exciting challenge.
Okay, I think just, like,
two bags is fine.
- Let's get back to the party.
- Are we sure that's enough though?
Just 'cause, I don't know,
I don't drink, but like…
how many ice cubes
does one drink even have?
Like, five? Ten?
I don't… I'm just realizing
I've never counted,
- 'cause when you put it in, it's so quick.
- Okay, yeah, let's get three.
- Three is perfect.
- Okay. Perfect.
Perfect amount of ice for the party
we're gonna go back to
and meet lots of new people.
Yeah.
Hi!
Sorry, Lukas, can we get a selfie?
Of course, oh, my gosh.
Let's just do one real quick, yeah?
Okay. Come on.
Ready? Three, two, one.
Okay, perfect.
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
Thank you. That's for us.
- Thank you!
- What the fuck was that?
It's kind of embarrassing,
but I'm a bit of a singer.
I just go by Landry,
which is my last name.
It was mostly a thing with
Christian girls on TikTok,
but now it's kind of going more wide.
How…
how wide?
I've got about, like, 4 million on TikTok.
But it's hard to keep track
'cause the number just keeps going up.
I have this one video that
has 66.7 million likes on it,
so that's pretty cool.
You know what?
We gotta get you that banana.
Oh, my God.
Alani, are we about to have
our first three-way ever
with Elijah Wood?
Oh, wait. What about Dylan?
Okay, good point. Let me text him.
Oh, my God. Tallulah's texting me
asking me where to get shrimp.
- It's like, girl, get your own.
- Girl, please. Yeah, oh, my God.
I'm gonna get my own shrimp.
Yep.
Oh, my God, yes!
- Dylan says yes. I love him.
- Okay. Okay.
Okay, wait, he's being weirdly specific
about why he says yes.
Okay, he needs you to do,
- like, the penetration stuff.
- No, I got it.
That's what I'm here for.
Fuck!
What?
Okay, ultimately, it's a yes.
You know what? I feel like it'd be weird
to have our first kiss, like,
in front of Elijah.
- Do you feel me?
- Totally.
- Let's do it.
- Okay.
One, two, three.
Okay.
Okay, we're doing this. We're doing this?
- We're doing this.
- We're doing this.
Like, you really didn't have to
fill my tank all the way up…
Shh, I'm trying to listen to your song.
Okay. It's good.
Dude, I'm so glad you like it, man.
I would listen to this,
and will, probably
- like, on my way home.
- Yes!
Yeah, no, it's really good.
It's really good.
It's really, really, really good.
- Right? Like…
- Yeah.
Like, if you wanna post
a video of your son
taking his first steps,
or your husband getting over
- his pornography addiction…
- Right.
…like, that should be the soundtrack.
It's beautiful to be part
of people's, like, happiest moments.
It's like, you get to be there.
Man, it's such a shame
that you're so into,
like, freelance right now,
'cause I have this, like, residency thing
in Vegas coming up, and I don't know.
Yeah, I just don't know what I want, like,
the style for it to be.
But, yeah, the show's gonna be
going for a really long time,
and we're gonna spend so much money on it.
I wanna create something
that's fun and inspiring.
Are you being serious right now?
That's like…
- What?
- That's just insane.
Like, this morning, I was like,
I really just wanna do something,
like, fun and inspiring.
That's… I mean,
it could be a really good match.
I don't know, 'cause like,
right, you said inspiring, right?
- Yes, yes. Like, really?
- Yeah, yeah, inspiring, yeah.
- Wow. I mean…
- That's what I want.
That's my whole goal,
is to create a platform
where I can spread a message of love.
I… that's… that's great.
God's love, and His mercy, you know?
- Yeah.
- His love.
- Totally.
- God's love.
- Hey.
- And God's mercy.
- Hey.
- Right?
Yeah.
Lukas…
tell me more about
this Vegas residency.
Okay.
Okay, I left my underwear on to,
like, leave a little mystery.
Smart. That's really smart.
Okay.
Here we go. You ready?
Yes.
Shrek, "All Star," movie version.
Wait.
Did you take your clothes off
under the robes?
Yeah.
I still have my underwear on, though.
Now, I have to destroy the robes!
I can't believe this happened again!
Again. Again. And again.
You just married the wrong person…
Pause. Rewind it back. Rewind it back.
- I wasn't ready for that part.
- Okay, I hear you.
'Cause you said start again
- so quickly after.
- I understand.
- Do it again.
- Again.
- You…
- Pause, pause, pause!
- Not synced.
- I think I literally just…
You literally weren't though, girl.
Okay, Elijah, we're really sorry, okay?
We didn't realize you actually
had a germ thing.
We thought these were like sexy robes.
Yeah, they seemed like sexy robes.
Every girl thinks
she's the only girl in the world
who wants to fuck sweet Elijah.
No one wants to be friends
with sweet Elijah.
We do! We promise that we do!
Honestly, friends is better.
Like, sex makes me tired sometimes.
He doesn't wanna hear about
your weird personal stuff.
Elijah, we're so sorry.
This, this, this is why
I can't go downstairs
at parties at my own fucking house!
You just married the wrong person.
Don't blink so much.
They can see you tremble.
- We want people to watch this.
- You just married
- the wrong person, that's all.
- I don't wanna see you acting in this one.
- Picture Meryl Streep.
- You just married the wrong…
- You love Dustin Hoffman.
- You just married the wrong…
- Don't look so sad.
- It's me, it's my fault.
- Faster!
- You just married
- the wrong person, that's all!
- Slower, slower.
Look, we misread the situation.
- We had a little bit too much to drink.
- Oh.
Sorry, do you mind just turning it down?
Volume up.
Now this, this is stuck
in my memory palace forever.
When you put something in the palace,
- you can't take it out!
- Oh, my God.
We wanna be in the palace.
We'll go to another room.
We'll go to the bathroom.
We'll go to the fucking coat closet.
- We're sorry.
- I'm not just a fuck machine. Okay?!
- What is it?
- It's me, it's my fault.
Oh, wait, we have a take. We have a take.
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Quen, Landry is here.
- You should just do one with him.
- Yes! Fuck!
Don't post this. I'm texting Landry.
Delete that shit.
I'll go grab some looks.
- Tally, you wanna come with?
- I gotta pee really badly.
I'm about to piss my pants.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
What the fuck is this?
This is my click farm.
We're not paying some
sketchy outfit in Vietnam.
What's a click farm?
Social media platforms, well,
they can now detect
if you use emulation software
to manipulate engagement, so ultimately,
just buying, like,
cheaper used smartphones
- is like a way easy way…
- Aaron, shut the fuck up, leave.
We have to go. We have to go.
Go, go.
Wait!
You've got to push yourself
to learn this stuff.
Right. My thing is,
I'm just a little more spontaneous.
You know what I mean?
Like, my fans love when I fuck up.
It's like the video of you
- chipping your tooth.
- That wasn't a fuck-up.
My dentist pre-chipped the tooth.
- What?
- Tallulah, listen to me.
If you stop for a second,
you will fucking disappear.
Who else cares about your career?
Your happiness,
is anyone paying attention to that?
Honestly, yeah.
Someone is.
Oh, my God… oh! What?
- We need to leave this party.
- Yeah.
There you bitches are.
Where were you guys?
- Upstairs.
- Upstairs?
But that's where the Diddy stuff happened.
Fucking God,
how come there are no shoe places
open on DoorDash right now?
This is a fucking nightmare.
Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry.
I love your dress.
- Maia!
- Oh, my God.
- That was crazy. I missed you.
- I love you.
I love you, too. Also, there's a chance
I got in a Quen TikTok.
Girl, get in the fucking car.
I'm trying! I'm wearing Chloes!
Oh, my God,
Elijah Wood could have killed us.
- What?
- Guys, any man
could kill you at any moment.
I could kill you right now.
Shut up.
Do you mind stopping laughing like that?