Johnny Test (2005) s01e04 Episode Script

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
Johnny got a head
Of fiery hair ♪
And a turbo-charged backpack ♪
His genius sisters
Use him like a lab rat ♪
A neat-freak dad at home ♪
A super-busy mom ♪
The boy's best friend
Is a talking dog ♪
-Talking dog ♪
-That's right ♪
Three extreme teens
And an air-breathing shark ♪
Mega-action game controller
Skating in the park ♪
A Phero-Booster, Bling-Bling ♪
What do we make of this? ♪
Johnny Test ♪
Johnny Test ♪
This is the life of a boy
Named Johnny Test ♪
Johnny Test ♪
Johnny Test ♪
This is the life of a boy ♪
Named Johnny Test ♪
(FIREWORKS WHISTLE,
RAPID EXPLOSIONS)
(SEA GULL SQUAWKING)
(CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
Dad, why are we here so early?
The water's not even awake yet.
If you want to get
a good spot on the beach,
you have to get here
-(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
-early.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING
CONTINUES)
Not on my watch, mister!
(CRIES)
(SOBBING)
Whoa!
(GROANS)
Excuse me, but (COUGHS)
this spot is taken.
That should protect you
for the next hour.
Remember,
family picnic is at 6:00.
-Sharp.
-(UTENSILS CLANGING)
So I expect you all back here
on the nose.
Now go have fun. And remember,
no soda, no candy,
and no life-threatening
scientific experiments.
Carry on.
Hey, Dukey
I found
a can.
There was another can
down there.
If only I could
breathe underwater,
I could collect a ton of cans,
redeem them,
and buy our own island.
Eh, a boy can dream.
A boy who has two
super-genius twin sisters
can do more than dream.
(TWINS SIGH)
TWINS: Hi, Gil.
What does she have
that we don't?
A gorgeous face, a perfect tan,
and strong white teeth.
Hey, we have
strong white teeth.
You need a perfect tan.
Everyone looks better
with a tan.
(BOUNCING)
Almost everyone.
Johnny's right.
If we were any paler,
we'd be translucent.
So, we get the tan
and then get the Gil.
What a coincidence,
because I need a gill, too,
and webbed feet
and webbed hands.
We'd love to help,
but we're busy trying
to win Gil's heart.
Say no more.
(YELLING)
Gil, my sisters love--
TWINS:
We'll help you.
Aqua conversion process
to begin in t-minus ten seconds.
Nine, eight
-Just skip to the good part.
-TWINS: Three, two, one.
Say hello to Deep-Sea Johnny,
King of the Sea.
Ooh, hot sand. (MUMBLING)
I can't believe you turned
your only brother
into a fish and--
I'd like to give you two
a piece of my mind,
but-- (GASPS)
Suddenly can't (GASPS)
breathe! (GROANS)
(WHIMPERING)
Now, to work on the perfect tan
that will knock Gil's socks off.
You work on a tan your way,
and I'll work on one my way.
What do you want
to explore first?
The underwater sea life,
those barrels of toxic waste,
or that secret underwater
glass-domed civilization?
(CLANGS)
(CLANGING CONTINUES)
In a just world, he'd be my pet.
Aha!
The world's first
instant hyperkinetic
tanning spray
that has never been tested
and could have horrible
side effects. Hmm.
Johnny's already a fish, so
It's so sweet that you
offered to lotion my back
so I wouldn't burn.
What can I say?
You're like a sister to me.
Hey! We had a
"No Secret Experimenting
On Each Other" rule.
That only covers
the home lab.
And this is
only a highly-toxic
tanning spray I whipped up.
It works. Sort of.
Who wants a green tan?
Gil is not gonna love
a green girl!
Now you're red.
Your skin
seems to change color
with different emotions.
Try calming down.
You're blue!
I've invented mood lotion!
Ooh! Now you're red again.
(KNOCKS ON GLASS)
Adults are just as lame
underwater as they are
on dry land.
-(TWINKLING)
-Look!
Not there! There!
Swim towards the light, boy.
Can I live here? Please!
Hi, Gil.
Wow, a girl
with kaleidoscope skin.
Uh, hi, my name's Gil.
Yeah, we've lived
next door to you for 13 years.
(SCOFFS) I think I would know
if I lived next door
to a supercool freak.
Did you say "supercool"?
Goofing on sea life
in their natural habitat
is fun.
Ooh, I see stars.
And I see three
angry sea creatures
swimming towards us!
-Do something.
-My lucky new quarter
will save us.
(TAPS, CRACKLING)
JOHNNY:
Yeah, that didn't work.
Run! I mean, swim!
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
BOTH:
Go land, go land ♪
-Ack!
-Argh!
To the portable car lab
with the fishy-fish thing!
All right!
Let's grab a hot dog.
(ALL GASPING)
Um, thanks to us,
there are
three deadly sea creatures
that can survive on land.
-We have to get them.
-I totally agree.
But what are your thoughts
on the hot dog?
GIL:
So, uh, there's
a clambake tonight,
and, uh, I was wondering
if maybe you and me--
(GIL SCREAMS) Help!
-Cool.
-GIL: Help!
You head to the beach club
and stop the eel.
I'll try and rescue Gil
before he becomes
tasty Gil nuggets.
TWINS:
"Gil nuggets"?
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
Hey, pal, none of my business,
but why waste your time
zapping the tourists
when there's a hottie
giving you the eye?
(ALL CHEERING)
We're saved
from the mutant eel.
All in a day's work.
By a mutant talking dog!
(ALL SCREAMING)
(FAINT SQUIRTING)
If that land shark
eats our Gil
You'll be next on its menu.
Hey, Sharkey!
Gil looks tasty and all,
but check out
the all-you-can-eat
buffet over there!
Gil, are you all right?
Do I know you?
Duh! I'm the girl--
with the totally pale skin.
Not ringing a bell.
Hey, Johnny.
I'm sorry things
didn't work out.
-TWINS: Really?
-No, but we still got
some shark butt to kick!
So fire up
the fish-blaster thing
and meet me at the car lab!
JOHNNY: Hey, hammerhead!
Step away from the large man
who eats well!
Now let's send lover-boy
back to the deep
before he falls
out of love with his tail.
Two evil sea creatures down.
One to go.
Where's the octopus?
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
Oh, the irony.
(SIGHS)
I didn't think octopi
were man-eaters.
The aqua-zapper fish-converter
has a slight man-eating
side effect.
(CUSTOMERS SCREAMING)
(IN JAPANESE ACCENT)
Please, can you help us?
Yes, but I'll need a tuna roll.
How will that help them?
It won't, but I'm hungry.
Okay, listen up!
I want you guys
to run around in a circle
as fast as you can.
-JOHNNY: Wait!
-Yes?
Do you have any soy sauce?
Now run!
(ALL SCREAMING)
You are a hero.
I would like you to have this.
Is this some valuable piece
of ancient wisdom?
No, it's a bill
for the tuna roll.
Excuse us.
I think your boy
destroyed
our secret deep-sea
glass-dome civilization.
Well, it couldn't
have been Johnny.
Unless, of course,
he had gills.
Right. Sorry.
Must've been some other
flame-headed fishboy.
(ALL SIGHING)
Who wants more sushi?
The snack bar had
a great deal on octopus.
(LAUGHTER)
JOHNNY:
So if I test it, I get to use it
any time I want, right?
SUSAN: Deal.
The DNA-A-Hoop.
Ow!
Just place any
hair sample inside,
and it can transform
any subject into a replica
of the sample organism.
Hey, I look just like Dukey,
and I can lick my backside
if I want.
TWINS:
Ew-ww!
Hey, don't knock it
till you try it.
MARY:
The larger the DNA sample,
the longer the effect lasts.
Cool. This has got to be
the most awesome thing
that I have ever--
hey, what's that over there?
MARY: It's the Amazing
Turbo Action Backpack.
Or the "A.T.A.B."
for short.
It's programmed
to obey voice commands.
Really? Give Dukey a bath.
(BEEPING)
BACKPACK:
Commence bath.
Washing, drying
Fluff.
That was totally not cool.
We're unveiling it
at an important
"Make College Life Better" fair
at the university tomorrow.
It's a chance for us
to impress the board,
win a scholarship,
and get invited to join
a supercool sorority.
I got to have that backpack.
Slap away hand.
Sorry, Johnny.
This presentation is important
to our social future,
and you'll just destroy the pack
like everything else you touch.
You ever notice that
the entire public school
social hierarchy
is based on backpack status?
(GRUNTS)
-What are you babbling about?
-Look around you.
DUKEY: The really cool kids
have really cool backpacks.
The medium-cool kids
have medium-cool backpacks.
And at the very bottom
of the popularity chain
is you and your old
ugly same-color-as-
baby-barf backpack.
How did you get stuck
with that antique anyway?
(SIGHS)
DAD:
Johnny, my father made me use
this ugly World War II backpack
through middle school.
The shame and embarrassment
I felt from carrying that bag
has followed me
for the rest of my life,
but it built character.
Now I'm making you use it. Bye!
I hate this backpack!
The entire school
is laughing at your backpack.
-No, they're not.
-Well, not right now,
because you put it
on the floor.
(LAUGHTER)
(LAUGHTER STOPS,
CRICKETS CHIRPING)
(LAUGHTER)
See? Sorry, Johnny.
Not really.
That does it. Tonight
I am sneaking into the lab
and taking the Amazing
Turbo Action Backpack.
(JOHNNY AND DUKEY
SCREAMING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
-(GROANS)
-(GRUNTS)
When did they add the sharks?
-Your sisters
are going to freak.
-They'll never know.
All I have to do
is take it to school tomorrow,
impress everyone
with how cool it is,
and return it
before Susan and Mary
have their big presentation.
(GROANS)
My books won't fit.
This bag may be amazing,
but it's way too small.
BACKPACK:
Shrinking schoolbooks.
Wow! That thing
really can do anything.
But you're still
gonna be late.
Um, go really fast?
BACKPACK:
Scooping
locking, scorching.
(BOTH SCREAMING)
-(DUKEY SCREAMS, GROANS)
-(CRASHES)
BOY:
Hey, Johnny, cool backpack!
Let me see it, will ya?
Sure, guys.
I just wish we could
ditch French class and--
BACKPACK:
Ditching French class.
Scanning.
TEACHER:
All right, class, turn open
your textbooks, s'il vous plait.
Let us conjugate verbs,
n'est-ce pas?
BACKPACK:
Presenting hologram.
What else can that bag do?
BACKPACK:
Playing videogames
instead of studying.
Projecting kung-fu DVD.
(BACKPACK WARBLING)
COMPUTERIZED VOICE:
Deleting bully.
Hey, Janet. Check it out.
(STUDENTS CHEERING)
(STUDENTS CHEERING)
Wow! You've really
stepped up your baggage.
Let me see that again.
(STUDENTS CHEERING)
What can I say?
Everybody loves
my Turbo Action Backpack.
You mean my
Turbo Action Backpack!
And unless
my instructions are met,
which I conveniently
recorded on this DVD,
you'll never see it again!
How am I supposed to play this?
Oh. Right. Watch it on this.
It is I, Bling-Bling boy,
the world's youngest
and evilest--
-(SQUEAKING)
-I'm gonna skip the gloating
and just jump to the demands.
and not to mention
the most suavely
sinister prodigy
that has ever in all of the--
(SQUEAKING)
and I will destroy
the amazing Turbo
Action Backpack
unless Susan Test
agrees to meet me
for a romantic dinner
at my estate
at 6:00 tonight.
Dress formal.
Uh, news flash--
Susan and Mary
are leaving
for their college presentation
with your dad's
old baby-barf backpack.
Now what?
Now, I know
your sister's a dog,
but there's no way
the chubby gold kid
is gonna buy this.
Not yet.
But with this clump
of Susan's hair
and the DNA-A-Hoop
You just have to keep him
busy long enough for me
to find the backpack.
(HIP-HOP BEAT PLAYING)
BLING-BLING: Susan Test!
Welcome my lovely.
Girls don't walk on all fours.
SUSAN:
And now we would like to present
the ultimate advancement
in backpack technology
the revolutionary
Amazing Turbo Action Backpack!
(TWINS GASP) Johnny!
You're awful quiet
and itchy this evening,
ma chérie.
(RASPY VOICE)
Oh, I just
have a bit of a cold.
Oh, then you must try
the hot soup.
(PANTING)
I admire your animal instincts.
Just one kiss is all I ask.
(SMOOCHES)
You sure you want just one?
(LAUGHS)
(GRUNTS) Yucky dog kisses!
Miss X! Miss Z!
Hunt down the intruders
and destroy the backpack!
How do girls run
in these things?
JOHNNY:
We'll lose them at the pool.
DUKEY:
Uh, we didn't lose them.
Well, well, well.
Looks like the end of the line.
It's-- it's a hologram!
BACKPACK:
That's right.
Get them! Get the--
(GULPS)
Blast us outta here.
BACKPACK:
Blast Johnny to science fair!
You have not heard the last
of Bling-Bling Boy!
My vengeance shall be--
Hey. When'd they add the sharks?
(SCREAMS)
Uh, there's an explanation
for this that includes
our annoying brother.
(MAN LAUGHS) I'll say
there's an explanation.
That is the coolest
backpack ever!
Yeah, I must concur.
I mean, the lines
are retro and simple,
the worn, military,
shrapnel-hole look
adds emotion.
And the color-- oh!
Baby-barf green
is definitely the new black.
We could totally use
cool brainy girls like you
in our sorority.
(STUDENTS CHEERING)
-(CRASHES)
-(BOTH GASPS)
Long story.
But look, we're here.
And so is this.
The Amazing Turbo
Action Backpack!
(LAUGHING AND BOOING)
You see, it's just that kind
of complicated,
overengineered stuff
that we college geniuses hate.
Right.
It's so wannabe high-tech.
Absolutely hideous.
(LAUGHTER)
Man, I just can't win.
Yeah, well, at least
you're not wearing heels.
(WARBLING)
DUKEY: Whoa!
COMPUTERIZED VOICE:
Ending cartoon.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)