Leanne (2025) s01e04 Episode Script
Smooth Like a Dolphin
1
Let's talk custody.
Any kids?
Two. Grown. Boy and a girl.
He's my pride and joy.
She's my… daughter.
I'm sorry. I'm nervous.
Understandable.
No one gets married to get divorced.
Sometimes you just
gotta wait for them to die.
Now, assets. Do you own your house?
We do. Bill's very frugal.
Does not like debt.
If you can believe it,
he pays our phone bill with cash.
You can do that?
Yeah, and you can buy
a wedding ring at Costco.
No debt.
That's just downright un-American.
And who does he work for?
No one.
He owns his own business.
RV Emporium.
I wrote that.
He had, "Live your life in the street."
And that's just sad.
So is there just the one Emporium?
No, there's three.
Two in Tennessee and one in Arkansas.
Jackpot!
Again, I'm very sorry.
And just to be clear,
all three emporiums are free of debt?
- Yes.
- Ooh, Merry Christmas!
- I don't want this to get ugly.
- Bill is the one who made it ugly.
That business would be nothing
without my sister.
I don't know about "nothing,"
but early on, I did do
the bookkeeping, payroll, and taxes.
And the commercial?
Yeah.
I did star in our first
late-night TV commercial.
Before the babies, when eating disorders
weren't frowned on like they are now.
People loved her.
They would mob her at the Piggly Wiggly.
I did make a little noise.
You are a good
and decent human being, Leanne.
Well, thank you.
Luckily, I am neither of those things.
When this divorce is done,
you'll own the house, half the business,
and the peace of mind
that comes from knowing
you'll never have to climb
on top of that bastard again.
And you were worried it would get ugly.
Took a big step today, Leanne.
I'm proud of you.
Thanks for pushing me.
That's what I do.
Hey, remember when
I made you get your first bikini wax?
Homecoming game, 11th grade.
Painful as all get-out.
But I could do the banana jump
with no worries.
No strays, smooth like a dolphin.
All right, a toast.
To unwanted hair and unwanted husbands.
Hear, hear.
Hair, hair.
All right, which of these cars
are you gonna get?
I've changed my mind.
I don't want a fancy car.
Come on, you gotta do something
with your newfound wealth.
I'll just put it aside
for my grandchildren's education.
Pfft!
What would you spend it on?
I don't know, a couple of Jet Skis,
maybe a pinball machine.
You know, stuff that when you get it home,
it makes you feel stupid.
So pick a Cadillac, any Cadillac.
Well, I have always wanted an Escalade.
It's Escalade.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I'm sure.
It sounds French.
That's on purpose. Makes it classy.
Like "Chardonnay"?
You're getting it.
And "cul-de-sac"?
Okay.
And "Jon Bon Jovi."
Just pick a damn car.
- We're gonna need more cheese.
- Okay.
- And Wonder Bread.
- Okay.
- And butter.
- We having lunch or committing suicide?
Why is Daddy out by the curb?
He's waiting for the mailman.
Is he expecting something important?
- No, just the mailman.
- Why?
Well, the Valpaks haven't been coming
like they used to,
and Daddy suspects foul play.
Well, I need to talk to both of y'all.
Can you get him in here?
Jon, it's Margaret.
Copy, Margaret. Go ahead.
Leanne wants to talk to us. Come inside.
Roger that. Over.
Carol, grab your daddy a beer.
He's gonna be thirsty.
Thank you.
This better be good.
I don't know about good,
but it's important.
I saw a divorce lawyer today.
Leanne, no.
I'm sorry.
Shoot, I was hoping my talk
would knock some sense into him.
I know this is hard on y'all.
Bill's been a part
of our family for a long time.
Son I never had.
Sure.
So what did this,
lawyer fella have to say?
She said I should come out of this
in really good shape.
- She?
- They come that way now.
You sure it ain't like at the airport,
we saw that lady dressed as a pilot?
She was a pilot, Daddy.
Who landed that plane
on the water in New York?
Sully, not Sally.
So, what are the rules?
Do we see him on holidays?
Or can we still wish him happy birthday?
Or is he just dead to us?
I'm leaning dead.
I don't know what the rules are.
This is all new to me.
Well, no matter
what your marital situation is,
your mother and I
love you unconditionally.
Thank you, Daddy.
You never once said that to me.
Yeah, think about that.
How have you put up with that attitude
all these years?
- What attitude?
- Women can't be lawyers?
Well, sure they can.
You know, for little things.
Margaret?
Margaret here.
Let me know when they're gone
so we can talk. Over.
Roger that.
You comfy in the guest room?
Yeah.
How about the guest bathroom?
It's great.
- Any chance of you using it someday?
- You trying to get rid of me?
No.
I just can't release
certain bodily noises with you in here.
Bodily noises? Just say "fart."
Never!
When did this happen?
When did I become a pelican
with a mahi-mahi in my throat?
Now that you have all this money,
you can pay for a nip-tuck.
I suppose a little freshen-up
wouldn't hurt.
Of course, if I'm gonna do my neck,
I'm gonna do my boobs.
And if I'm gonna do my boobs,
then I need to do my bat wings.
And if I'm gonna do my bat wings,
then I gotta do my belly,
my butt, and my cankles.
With all that leftover skin,
you can make a cover for your new car.
- Someone's downstairs!
- I heard.
- Is that thing loaded?
- How would I know?
Is that thing big enough?
If I stick a guy,
I'm gonna do it once, not over and over.
Come on.
Whoever you are, I've got a gun!
Go ahead and shoot.
You'd be doing me a favor.
- Bill?
- You heard the man. Shoot!
What are you doing here?
I made a mistake, Leanne.
Yeah, you're in the wrong darn house.
- Please tell me the safety's on.
- Of course.
Yeah.
Can we Can we talk alone?
Can you go upstairs?
Okay.
But this remains unsheathed.
All right, talk.
I want you back.
- You want me back?
- Yeah.
What do you say?
I say you got a lot of nerve.
Get out.
Okay.
Wait.
How drunk are you?
Just… Just a regular.
I don't want you driving.
I'll get sheets and a blanket.
You can stay on this couch.
Thank you.
But if you're here when the sun comes up,
this safety comes off.
Yes, ma'am.
Hey, Leanne.
You look pretty.
Thank you, Bill.
That changes everything.
Seriously?
Carol.
Why don't you use your own bathroom?
Morning!
Are you kidding me?
Get outta here!
Just taking a shower.
There's room for two.
Leanne, don't!
Now I got a skylight.
Just scrubbing and sudsing
like he owned the place.
Both barrels?
Single, but it kicks like a double.
Who are you?
I don't know.
I peed myself.
Had to shower all over again.
Good. Get out.
You, looking at buying an Escalade?
I was right. Escalade.
- None of your business.
- If you buy a demo, you can save money.
Wait here.
- Where are you going?
- I'm getting the gun.
This time, she won't miss.
Come back. He's gone.
That man's like one of those
movie monsters that won't die.
Are you all right?
I guess. I don't know.
Should we cancel game day?
No. Mom and Daddy
are looking so forward to it.
Speaking of.
Hey, Daddy.
Tyler's gonna swing by
and get you and Mama.
What do you mean you don't need a ride?
We're en route. Be there in a jiff.
Go around!
Go around!
My gosh!
Man. We did it again, didn't we?
Two doors down, John.
Can't you paint your house
a different color?
Let's go, honey. You have a nice day.
You too, Margaret.
He is a big, rugged man.
Put your eyes back in your head, woman.
We're all rooting
for the Volunteers or the Vols.
And they're the ones in orange.
See the boys in white?
They're from Connecticut.
We want them taken off the field in bags.
Yes, we do!
No, Leanne.
I don't want him watching football.
It's too violent.
Too violent? Let me tell you
about the Mekong Delta.
Do you get a vote
if your son can watch football?
Of course he gets a vote. Tell her.
Nora's concerned
about the concussions and stuff.
Why do you do that, Tyler?
Why shut down in front of your family?
I'm not shutting down. I'm just…
choosing my words.
Okay, well, at this rate,
your son's gonna talk before you, so…
And it's out.
Really? You guys will watch young men
hurt each other, but this is unnatural?
Of course it isn't.
Let me just put this blanket
over you so you don't get chilly.
She did the same thing to me
at Mardi Gras.
- Hi.
- Leanne.
- What?
- It's back.
Bill, you can't keep showing up like this.
I know. I know.
- So?
- So I bought you an Escalade.
- I thought it was Escalade.
- Me too.
You think you can buy me a car
and all's forgiven?
Of course not.
I love you, and I'll do anything
I can to make this right.
It's too late, Bill.
Leanne, you know
I will always take your side,
but hear him out.
- Why?
- It's man's nature to stray.
God.
Hush.
Before you were born,
your daddy broke
one of the Ten Commandments
for about a year and a half.
Hey, Tennessee scored!
But we got through it.
I don't know about that.
Daddy, is this true?
Yeah, screen pass. Went for 20 yards.
The point is that he came back
and begged me for forgiveness,
just like Bill's doing right now.
I didn't get a Cadillac out of the deal.
I got an upright vacuum cleaner.
But our marriage was stronger as a result.
You think I should forgive him
and take him back?
I think you should consider it.
What about you two? What do y'all think?
Thirty-three years, one mistake?
I don't know, Mom.
Tyler?
Well, you know I love you both.
And?
Well, that's it. Love them both.
- Want to know what I think?
- Everyone knows what you think.
Look at this.
There's a family portrait
being painted here.
And what's missing from it? I'll tell you.
Me.
An imperfect, flawed human being
who… who loves his wife and his kids,
his in-laws and his grandchildren
more than life itself.
Bill?
Shit.
I've been looking for you.
We need to talk.
There's nothing to talk about.
I'm sorry, but this is where I belong.
This is my family. This is my home.
I don't want to lose it.
But I'm pregnant.
How about now, Mama?
Cut him loose.
Beautiful car, Leanne.
Thanks, Mama.
- Please tell me you're keeping it.
- I'm keeping it.
I'm keeping everything.
It's kinda chilly back here, Leanne.
Optimal temperature for the baby is 72.
Yeah? Well, optimal temperature
for menopause is 65.
Tyler, say something.
Mom?
I'm just playing. I'll warm the car up.
Thank you.
If I want to see my grandbabies,
I got to suck up.
So tell me about
this commandment you broke.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Grandma said
Grandma's an old woman. She gets confused.
Any thoughts of where we're going?
- Home Depot.
- Why?
- I need to buy a trailer hitch.
- What for?
Hello? For my Jet Skis.
Yeah. Let's get stupid!
Let's talk custody.
Any kids?
Two. Grown. Boy and a girl.
He's my pride and joy.
She's my… daughter.
I'm sorry. I'm nervous.
Understandable.
No one gets married to get divorced.
Sometimes you just
gotta wait for them to die.
Now, assets. Do you own your house?
We do. Bill's very frugal.
Does not like debt.
If you can believe it,
he pays our phone bill with cash.
You can do that?
Yeah, and you can buy
a wedding ring at Costco.
No debt.
That's just downright un-American.
And who does he work for?
No one.
He owns his own business.
RV Emporium.
I wrote that.
He had, "Live your life in the street."
And that's just sad.
So is there just the one Emporium?
No, there's three.
Two in Tennessee and one in Arkansas.
Jackpot!
Again, I'm very sorry.
And just to be clear,
all three emporiums are free of debt?
- Yes.
- Ooh, Merry Christmas!
- I don't want this to get ugly.
- Bill is the one who made it ugly.
That business would be nothing
without my sister.
I don't know about "nothing,"
but early on, I did do
the bookkeeping, payroll, and taxes.
And the commercial?
Yeah.
I did star in our first
late-night TV commercial.
Before the babies, when eating disorders
weren't frowned on like they are now.
People loved her.
They would mob her at the Piggly Wiggly.
I did make a little noise.
You are a good
and decent human being, Leanne.
Well, thank you.
Luckily, I am neither of those things.
When this divorce is done,
you'll own the house, half the business,
and the peace of mind
that comes from knowing
you'll never have to climb
on top of that bastard again.
And you were worried it would get ugly.
Took a big step today, Leanne.
I'm proud of you.
Thanks for pushing me.
That's what I do.
Hey, remember when
I made you get your first bikini wax?
Homecoming game, 11th grade.
Painful as all get-out.
But I could do the banana jump
with no worries.
No strays, smooth like a dolphin.
All right, a toast.
To unwanted hair and unwanted husbands.
Hear, hear.
Hair, hair.
All right, which of these cars
are you gonna get?
I've changed my mind.
I don't want a fancy car.
Come on, you gotta do something
with your newfound wealth.
I'll just put it aside
for my grandchildren's education.
Pfft!
What would you spend it on?
I don't know, a couple of Jet Skis,
maybe a pinball machine.
You know, stuff that when you get it home,
it makes you feel stupid.
So pick a Cadillac, any Cadillac.
Well, I have always wanted an Escalade.
It's Escalade.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I'm sure.
It sounds French.
That's on purpose. Makes it classy.
Like "Chardonnay"?
You're getting it.
And "cul-de-sac"?
Okay.
And "Jon Bon Jovi."
Just pick a damn car.
- We're gonna need more cheese.
- Okay.
- And Wonder Bread.
- Okay.
- And butter.
- We having lunch or committing suicide?
Why is Daddy out by the curb?
He's waiting for the mailman.
Is he expecting something important?
- No, just the mailman.
- Why?
Well, the Valpaks haven't been coming
like they used to,
and Daddy suspects foul play.
Well, I need to talk to both of y'all.
Can you get him in here?
Jon, it's Margaret.
Copy, Margaret. Go ahead.
Leanne wants to talk to us. Come inside.
Roger that. Over.
Carol, grab your daddy a beer.
He's gonna be thirsty.
Thank you.
This better be good.
I don't know about good,
but it's important.
I saw a divorce lawyer today.
Leanne, no.
I'm sorry.
Shoot, I was hoping my talk
would knock some sense into him.
I know this is hard on y'all.
Bill's been a part
of our family for a long time.
Son I never had.
Sure.
So what did this,
lawyer fella have to say?
She said I should come out of this
in really good shape.
- She?
- They come that way now.
You sure it ain't like at the airport,
we saw that lady dressed as a pilot?
She was a pilot, Daddy.
Who landed that plane
on the water in New York?
Sully, not Sally.
So, what are the rules?
Do we see him on holidays?
Or can we still wish him happy birthday?
Or is he just dead to us?
I'm leaning dead.
I don't know what the rules are.
This is all new to me.
Well, no matter
what your marital situation is,
your mother and I
love you unconditionally.
Thank you, Daddy.
You never once said that to me.
Yeah, think about that.
How have you put up with that attitude
all these years?
- What attitude?
- Women can't be lawyers?
Well, sure they can.
You know, for little things.
Margaret?
Margaret here.
Let me know when they're gone
so we can talk. Over.
Roger that.
You comfy in the guest room?
Yeah.
How about the guest bathroom?
It's great.
- Any chance of you using it someday?
- You trying to get rid of me?
No.
I just can't release
certain bodily noises with you in here.
Bodily noises? Just say "fart."
Never!
When did this happen?
When did I become a pelican
with a mahi-mahi in my throat?
Now that you have all this money,
you can pay for a nip-tuck.
I suppose a little freshen-up
wouldn't hurt.
Of course, if I'm gonna do my neck,
I'm gonna do my boobs.
And if I'm gonna do my boobs,
then I need to do my bat wings.
And if I'm gonna do my bat wings,
then I gotta do my belly,
my butt, and my cankles.
With all that leftover skin,
you can make a cover for your new car.
- Someone's downstairs!
- I heard.
- Is that thing loaded?
- How would I know?
Is that thing big enough?
If I stick a guy,
I'm gonna do it once, not over and over.
Come on.
Whoever you are, I've got a gun!
Go ahead and shoot.
You'd be doing me a favor.
- Bill?
- You heard the man. Shoot!
What are you doing here?
I made a mistake, Leanne.
Yeah, you're in the wrong darn house.
- Please tell me the safety's on.
- Of course.
Yeah.
Can we Can we talk alone?
Can you go upstairs?
Okay.
But this remains unsheathed.
All right, talk.
I want you back.
- You want me back?
- Yeah.
What do you say?
I say you got a lot of nerve.
Get out.
Okay.
Wait.
How drunk are you?
Just… Just a regular.
I don't want you driving.
I'll get sheets and a blanket.
You can stay on this couch.
Thank you.
But if you're here when the sun comes up,
this safety comes off.
Yes, ma'am.
Hey, Leanne.
You look pretty.
Thank you, Bill.
That changes everything.
Seriously?
Carol.
Why don't you use your own bathroom?
Morning!
Are you kidding me?
Get outta here!
Just taking a shower.
There's room for two.
Leanne, don't!
Now I got a skylight.
Just scrubbing and sudsing
like he owned the place.
Both barrels?
Single, but it kicks like a double.
Who are you?
I don't know.
I peed myself.
Had to shower all over again.
Good. Get out.
You, looking at buying an Escalade?
I was right. Escalade.
- None of your business.
- If you buy a demo, you can save money.
Wait here.
- Where are you going?
- I'm getting the gun.
This time, she won't miss.
Come back. He's gone.
That man's like one of those
movie monsters that won't die.
Are you all right?
I guess. I don't know.
Should we cancel game day?
No. Mom and Daddy
are looking so forward to it.
Speaking of.
Hey, Daddy.
Tyler's gonna swing by
and get you and Mama.
What do you mean you don't need a ride?
We're en route. Be there in a jiff.
Go around!
Go around!
My gosh!
Man. We did it again, didn't we?
Two doors down, John.
Can't you paint your house
a different color?
Let's go, honey. You have a nice day.
You too, Margaret.
He is a big, rugged man.
Put your eyes back in your head, woman.
We're all rooting
for the Volunteers or the Vols.
And they're the ones in orange.
See the boys in white?
They're from Connecticut.
We want them taken off the field in bags.
Yes, we do!
No, Leanne.
I don't want him watching football.
It's too violent.
Too violent? Let me tell you
about the Mekong Delta.
Do you get a vote
if your son can watch football?
Of course he gets a vote. Tell her.
Nora's concerned
about the concussions and stuff.
Why do you do that, Tyler?
Why shut down in front of your family?
I'm not shutting down. I'm just…
choosing my words.
Okay, well, at this rate,
your son's gonna talk before you, so…
And it's out.
Really? You guys will watch young men
hurt each other, but this is unnatural?
Of course it isn't.
Let me just put this blanket
over you so you don't get chilly.
She did the same thing to me
at Mardi Gras.
- Hi.
- Leanne.
- What?
- It's back.
Bill, you can't keep showing up like this.
I know. I know.
- So?
- So I bought you an Escalade.
- I thought it was Escalade.
- Me too.
You think you can buy me a car
and all's forgiven?
Of course not.
I love you, and I'll do anything
I can to make this right.
It's too late, Bill.
Leanne, you know
I will always take your side,
but hear him out.
- Why?
- It's man's nature to stray.
God.
Hush.
Before you were born,
your daddy broke
one of the Ten Commandments
for about a year and a half.
Hey, Tennessee scored!
But we got through it.
I don't know about that.
Daddy, is this true?
Yeah, screen pass. Went for 20 yards.
The point is that he came back
and begged me for forgiveness,
just like Bill's doing right now.
I didn't get a Cadillac out of the deal.
I got an upright vacuum cleaner.
But our marriage was stronger as a result.
You think I should forgive him
and take him back?
I think you should consider it.
What about you two? What do y'all think?
Thirty-three years, one mistake?
I don't know, Mom.
Tyler?
Well, you know I love you both.
And?
Well, that's it. Love them both.
- Want to know what I think?
- Everyone knows what you think.
Look at this.
There's a family portrait
being painted here.
And what's missing from it? I'll tell you.
Me.
An imperfect, flawed human being
who… who loves his wife and his kids,
his in-laws and his grandchildren
more than life itself.
Bill?
Shit.
I've been looking for you.
We need to talk.
There's nothing to talk about.
I'm sorry, but this is where I belong.
This is my family. This is my home.
I don't want to lose it.
But I'm pregnant.
How about now, Mama?
Cut him loose.
Beautiful car, Leanne.
Thanks, Mama.
- Please tell me you're keeping it.
- I'm keeping it.
I'm keeping everything.
It's kinda chilly back here, Leanne.
Optimal temperature for the baby is 72.
Yeah? Well, optimal temperature
for menopause is 65.
Tyler, say something.
Mom?
I'm just playing. I'll warm the car up.
Thank you.
If I want to see my grandbabies,
I got to suck up.
So tell me about
this commandment you broke.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Grandma said
Grandma's an old woman. She gets confused.
Any thoughts of where we're going?
- Home Depot.
- Why?
- I need to buy a trailer hitch.
- What for?
Hello? For my Jet Skis.
Yeah. Let's get stupid!