MacGruber (2021) s01e04 Episode Script
The Scientist
All right. Looks like we win this round.
We win this round? They got the weapon!
Oh, fine. Call it a tie.
So, uh, Vick, why did you sell us out?
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, yeah.
I guess the U.S. military just
kind of happened to show up
at our exact location
on a dog-dang hunch?
Yeah, that makes sense.
What exactly are you accusing me of?
Oh, come on!
You called your little boy
toy after I specifically made
a no-calling-husbands rule,
and now looked what happened!
Yeah, we were saved from death!
Because of you!
He probably just tracked her phone.
No, that's impossible, Piper.
It's a wireless phone.
Very funny.
No, they can track those too.
Really?
Fucking get out of
here. That's very cool.
Well, Vicki, based on that,
I owe you a huge apology.
And I'd like to personally apologize
to your phone as well. May I?
Oh, thank you. That's sweet.
Yeah. All right.
MacGruber!
That ought to slow down
those fucking gomers.
Oh, shit, shit, shit!
- Piper, down!
- But those are our guys!
Down, now! Vicki, quick!
- Get your mouth over here!
- What?
- Get your mouth over here!
- Oh.
That was a close one.
Nice undercover work, Vick.
- I think they bought it.
- Thank you.
Shit, more pigs!
All right, we better get this bad boy
off the road and plan our next move.
You've reached singer-songwriter
Vicki St. Elmo-Fasoose.
Sir, we have surveillance
photos of the drone strike.
Jesus, Vicki.
We also found this.
Ran it through our database.
Says it's Brigadier Commander
Enos Queeth.
- You know him, sir?
- Used to.
Till he was killed in
action 20 years ago.
Looks pretty good for a dead guy.
You think he's behind
MacGruber's kidnapping?
Makes sense. The two
of them had a history.
I guess Queeth finally
settled the score.
There's something else you should see.
Lieutenant Colonel Dixon Piper.
And if you look closely behind him
MacGruber.
I'll be damned.
That son of a bitch is still alive.
Thank you, Major.
Jesus, Vicki.
What have you gotten yourself into?
And just like that,
we're ghosts.
All right. You want to maybe
go take care of that alarm?
Oh, shit! Yeah, come on.
Vick, come on!
Okay.
Okay, here we go.
6-9-6-9-6-9.
Shit! Worth a shot.
60 seconds, MacGruber.
All right. We got this, Vick.
All right, follow this
band to the source.
So, uh, you, uh, digging the jazz?
What do you mean? I
don't hear any music.
No, this. The jazz.
Fighting the good fight,
getting back in the
game for one last dance.
I do enjoy watching you play.
- The game. The jazz.
- Yeah.
Got to be honest with you:
been in prison so long,
I'm a little out of practice.
Excuse me?
Vicki, do I have to
spell it out for you?
I need to do it with you.
MacGruber, I'm married.
The alarm, Vicki.
The alarm.
All right. Here. Hand
me those wire cutters.
You got it, MacGruber.
- Now get in there.
- Oh.
Now let's take those fingers of yours
and spread those wires
apart very slowly.
- These wires?
- There we go.
Those ones right there. Great job.
Gently.
There we go. Attagirl.
Okay, now I'm just gonna take my tool.
Yeah?
I'm just gonna jam it in there.
I'm just gonna come inside you there.
Don't worry. This is
gonna be very quick.
I'm almost there
already. I'm about there.
I'm about there! I'm about to cut it!
- I'm about to get it!
- Yes!
Oh, you know I'm about to get it!
- You see me getting it!
- Yeah!
You're feeling me getting it!
I'm about to get it!
- Yes!
- I'm about to finish!
- Oh, my God!
- Ah!
Oh!
Got it.
- Nice work.
- Wow.
Oh, my God. Okay.
So, MacGruber, can you please explain
why we're avoiding telling
the U.S. government
that some maniac just got his hands
on a weapon of mass destruction?
Piper, why do you think I hid
that stuff in a fucking cave
for the past 20 years?
For gits and shiggles?
No, I hid it because
no government on Earth
should have it, not even the USA.
I mean, we're talking about
a world-ender here, Piper.
I don't know about you,
but I kind of like the world.
I like sunsets.
I like snowcapped mountains.
I like kicking back with a cold
Molson and watching the game.
I like babies and kettle corn.
Monster trucks and puppy dogs.
I like the tig, ol'
bitties and bunchin' mox.
I even like cancer and type 2 diabetes
because they remind me
that life is precious.
And that is why it is imperative
that we keep this shit
out of Queeth's hands!
But you just gave Queeth the weapon!
You know what?
I'm gonna start calling you Checkers,
'cause that's the game you're playing.
But me? I play chess.
The thinking man's game.
And if you want to win at chess,
you got to think outside the bun
'cause that's how you
win at chess, Checkers.
Checksmate. We good here?
No, we're not good here.
We should tell the
general and get his help.
We don't need his help! All right?
We can do this ourselves.
I mean, don't you see?
You're not a driving
instructor, Checkers.
And, Vicki, you're not a housewife.
You're soldiers, and you always will be.
You're gonna get us all killed.
Vicki, can you give us a second?
- Sure.
- But stay here.
Yeah.
I want you to hear this.
Would it change your mind, Checkers,
if I told you that Enos
Queeth murdered my mother?
- What?
- Yeah.
I want to tell you guys a little story
that I've only told
about 40 other people.
Back in the day,
Queeth and my father were fast friends.
Actually served in
the military together.
Oorah.
But when my father made full
bird colonel in record time,
it sent Queeth into a jealous rage.
The night of my fifth birthday,
he came over to our house
looking to put an end
to my father's life.
Instead, he ended our family.
Put a bullet in my mother's head.
Splattered her brains all
over my face and cake.
Happy birthday to me.
My father was inconsolable.
Queeth stole the love of his life.
Went into a deep depression.
Tried to fill the void with
the drugs and liqueurs.
Long story short,
Queeth fucking ruined him.
So the day I turned 18, I went down
and I joined the Green Berets,
Navy SEALs, and Coast Guard
and made it my life's
mission to take Queeth down.
So, you see,
this isn't just any mission for me.
This is personal.
I remain in.
Thank you, soldier.
- Fine.
- Checkers, really?
Yes, but please stop
calling me Checkers.
Of course.
Now let's go stop this son of a bitch.
Yeah, and how are we gonna do that?
We have exactly zero leads.
Guess again, Checkers.
Queeth's go-to scientist,
Irina Poliskaya.
The world's preeminent chemist
in the field of organophosphates.
She's got every degree in the book.
And a heart as black as the
coal in Queeth's stocking.
So you think she's gonna
synthesize Brimstone?
- I bet your baby's life on it.
- MacGruber!
Vicki, I don't want Piper's
baby to get murdered
or even die of natural causes,
but that's how certain I am.
Poliskaya is our synthesizer.
Well, then we need to
find her and get to her
before Queeth does.
ICDAG.
The International Chemical
Defense Association Gala.
Gala!
Yeah, I know it well.
The International Gala.
Yeah, that's right. I know it very well.
Well, it says here there's a
big soiree in Miami this week.
Every top chemical engineer
in the world will be there.
And guess who's getting a
lifetime achievement award?
Irina Poliskaya.
As I suspected.
Queeth must have timed
this whole operation
for when he'd have access to her.
Checkers, this ain't no coinky-dink.
No, this is an on-purpy-dink.
So what's our plan, MacGruber?
Looks like we're going fishing
for Russian scientists.
It won't be easy.
She's gonna be under heavy guard.
You can catch anything if
you use a big enough worm.
It's true.
Hey, MacGruber, we can't
keep driving around
in that car of yours.
It's kind of hard to stay undercover
in a bright red Miata.
Way ahead of you, Checkers.
Yep, much better.
Big worm is in position.
How are we looking, Checkers?
Give me a sec.
Who are you?
The night shift.
- I'm in.
- Okay, gang.
This is for all the marbles.
We won't get another chance.
Vicki, you in place?
Yeah, I'm at your 11:00.
Sorry, Central Standard Time.
There you are.
Wow, you look
fine.
Well, you also look only fine.
Hey, I got eyes on Poliskaya.
She's by the bar, and she's got company.
Big company.
Piece of cake.
Watch and learn, kid. Watch and learn.
Same old science bullshit,
different science day.
What's up, turtledove?
Buy you an eggnog?
No.
Hey, I can take a hint.
Barkeep, two gin martinis.
And I'll have mine
very dirty.
Allow me.
So, do you like it dirty?
The lady does not wish to talk to you.
Oh, the lady does not want
to talk to me, huh?
That's what you sound like,
you fucking dode.
In fact, the only thing
more stupid than your accent
is the way you're dressed,
the content of your brain,
and your fucking face.
You will leave now.
I will leave now.
Fine.
Let me just settle my bill.
Barkeep, put those on the Queeth tab.
It's an open bar.
You're an open bar!
Queeth. Tab. Now.
Da.
Sorry, Jorgus can be a
little overprotective.
Have we met?
Let's just say I'm a friend of a friend.
Thank you. Here.
Oh, I got a little tip for you.
Keep the change.
All right. Hurry, MacGruber.
The presentation starts in ten minutes,
and you need five for the
capsule to take effect.
Loud and
Got a little boogie.
Holy shit!
Does that guy have his wiener out?
Oh, he fully does!
Oh, you got to turn
your head and see this!
It's so small!
It's like a snail, or is it
No, "it's a snail" is the
perfect way to put it!
Oh, my God!
People are going nuts over there!
No?
Oh, God. You're missing out.
Turn that head!
Oh, my God. Look at this!
You don't want to see this?
Oh, it looks like he's
gonna pull up his pants!
Uh, no, no, no, no,
no. It's still there!
No? Okay.
All right. All right.
Ooh, let's have a head-turning contest!
I'll start.
Vicki, we need a distraction.
On it.
Ahh!
No!
Look at me!
Over here!
Ahh!
Okay. That worked, I guess.
Now get in position
for phase two, Vicki.
On the groove.
Where were we? Oh, that's right.
We were getting to know each other,
and it was going fucking great.
Is it just me, or are we
in a major opposites-attract
situation here?
'Cause you travel with protection,
and I never, ever, ever use protection.
What do you say we get out of here?
You're very persistent, Mr
- Jebblidoo.
- Mm.
Matias Jebblidoo.
Mm, it's been a unique
pleasure, Mr. Jebblidoo.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have a prior obligation.
Oh, hate for you to go Russian off,
but if you must, then Soviet.
To humor.
She's walking. She did it.
She drank it. I did it.
I got her to drink it.
Fuck yeah. You got her, Checkers?
I got her, but please
stop calling me that.
Vicki, you in place?
Set to jet.
All right. I'm in the
pipe, five by five.
Oh! Give me one moment.
Okay. I lost eyes on her.
This is all you, Vick.
Excuse me, do you have any toilet paper?
Let me see if I have some.
Oh, you're in luck. Here you go.
Sorry!
She's out. Commencing
the old switcheroo.
Great work, Vick.
Heads up, Vicki.
Your company has got company.
Okay, Vicki. Jack has just
replaced Poliskaya's guard.
Proceed with caution.
Just making some final adjustments.
Everything all right in there?
Now remember, Vicki,
we only need Queeth's guy
to think you're Poliskaya
for a few minutes
until I can get the real
Poliskaya out of here.
Then, you can give that
fucking jughead the slip.
And then, we are in the clear.
There you are.
- Hi, Miss Poliskaya.
- That's me.
We're ahead of schedule.
We're ready to bring you
to the stage right now.
Great. That's where I want to be.
The ballroom is packed,
and people are really
excited to hear your speech.
My speech?
Yes, of course.
It's not just an award.
It's also a speech.
Right this way.
What do I do?
What's he saying about a speech?
That wasn't part of the plan!
Plans change, Vick. Roll with it.
What do you mean plans change?
What am I supposed to say?
Don't worry. I got your six.
As the near-recipient
of several lifetime achievement awards,
I know that a speech is de rigueur,
so I took the liberty of
writing you an amazing speech.
It's already under your podium.
Thank you.
And now, it is my great pleasure
to welcome the recipient
of this year's ICDA
lifetime achievement award,
Dr. Irina Poliskaya.
Russian hello.
Webster's dictionary defines "science"
as the state or act of
being scientific.
And this definition appears in the S's.
Great job, Vick!
Sounds like that audience
is eating that shit up
like a fucking pot roast.
Keep going.
Science.
Science is all around us.
Right?
They know.
It's when you hear your favorite song,
when you
That is science.
When you get into an elevator
and sometimes there's a funny smell,
that's also science.
Okay. You got 'em on the hook.
Now just reel 'em in nice and easy.
Science is weather
corn
and electric.
The laundry is in the hamper.
- Vicki, bring it home.
- Oh, thank God.
Okay, well, that concludes
my speech about science.
Believe in your dreams! Russian goodbye.
Great job, Vick!
I had no idea you knew all that stuff.
Now just head to the bathroom,
change into the outfit I left you,
and get out here.
By the time they figure
out our little trick play,
we'll be long gone.
Let's go.
- Car is out back.
- Car?
We're going to the lab.
For the synthesis?
Yeah.
Do you mind if I use the potty again?
You're gonna have to hurry that up.
- We're on a tight schedule here.
- Mm-hmm.
Guys, can you hear me?
They're going to the lab.
I think I should go with them.
Vicki, we already got what we came for.
Now stick to the plan.
But they think I'm a scientist!
If I can get my hands on
Brimstone and destroy it,
we can end this thing once and for all!
No, it's too dangerous. Leave now!
But this is just a temporary solution.
Yeah, we've stopped this
scientist this time,
but eventually they're
gonna find someone else
- to synthesize it.
- Look, Vicki.
If you go to that lab,
we can't protect you.
I have to take that chance.
Vicki, please.
If you do this, you will die.
If I don't, millions of people will die.
Hey, this is a direct order.
Stick to the goddamn plan!
All right?
Vicki!
Vicki, did you hear what I said?
Yeah, I heard exactly what you said.
Plans change.
Take me to the lab.
After you.
Vicki, please don't do this!
Vicki! Vicki!
Vicki, come in!
Vicki! Vicki!
Come on, Vicki! Please!
We win this round? They got the weapon!
Oh, fine. Call it a tie.
So, uh, Vick, why did you sell us out?
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, yeah.
I guess the U.S. military just
kind of happened to show up
at our exact location
on a dog-dang hunch?
Yeah, that makes sense.
What exactly are you accusing me of?
Oh, come on!
You called your little boy
toy after I specifically made
a no-calling-husbands rule,
and now looked what happened!
Yeah, we were saved from death!
Because of you!
He probably just tracked her phone.
No, that's impossible, Piper.
It's a wireless phone.
Very funny.
No, they can track those too.
Really?
Fucking get out of
here. That's very cool.
Well, Vicki, based on that,
I owe you a huge apology.
And I'd like to personally apologize
to your phone as well. May I?
Oh, thank you. That's sweet.
Yeah. All right.
MacGruber!
That ought to slow down
those fucking gomers.
Oh, shit, shit, shit!
- Piper, down!
- But those are our guys!
Down, now! Vicki, quick!
- Get your mouth over here!
- What?
- Get your mouth over here!
- Oh.
That was a close one.
Nice undercover work, Vick.
- I think they bought it.
- Thank you.
Shit, more pigs!
All right, we better get this bad boy
off the road and plan our next move.
You've reached singer-songwriter
Vicki St. Elmo-Fasoose.
Sir, we have surveillance
photos of the drone strike.
Jesus, Vicki.
We also found this.
Ran it through our database.
Says it's Brigadier Commander
Enos Queeth.
- You know him, sir?
- Used to.
Till he was killed in
action 20 years ago.
Looks pretty good for a dead guy.
You think he's behind
MacGruber's kidnapping?
Makes sense. The two
of them had a history.
I guess Queeth finally
settled the score.
There's something else you should see.
Lieutenant Colonel Dixon Piper.
And if you look closely behind him
MacGruber.
I'll be damned.
That son of a bitch is still alive.
Thank you, Major.
Jesus, Vicki.
What have you gotten yourself into?
And just like that,
we're ghosts.
All right. You want to maybe
go take care of that alarm?
Oh, shit! Yeah, come on.
Vick, come on!
Okay.
Okay, here we go.
6-9-6-9-6-9.
Shit! Worth a shot.
60 seconds, MacGruber.
All right. We got this, Vick.
All right, follow this
band to the source.
So, uh, you, uh, digging the jazz?
What do you mean? I
don't hear any music.
No, this. The jazz.
Fighting the good fight,
getting back in the
game for one last dance.
I do enjoy watching you play.
- The game. The jazz.
- Yeah.
Got to be honest with you:
been in prison so long,
I'm a little out of practice.
Excuse me?
Vicki, do I have to
spell it out for you?
I need to do it with you.
MacGruber, I'm married.
The alarm, Vicki.
The alarm.
All right. Here. Hand
me those wire cutters.
You got it, MacGruber.
- Now get in there.
- Oh.
Now let's take those fingers of yours
and spread those wires
apart very slowly.
- These wires?
- There we go.
Those ones right there. Great job.
Gently.
There we go. Attagirl.
Okay, now I'm just gonna take my tool.
Yeah?
I'm just gonna jam it in there.
I'm just gonna come inside you there.
Don't worry. This is
gonna be very quick.
I'm almost there
already. I'm about there.
I'm about there! I'm about to cut it!
- I'm about to get it!
- Yes!
Oh, you know I'm about to get it!
- You see me getting it!
- Yeah!
You're feeling me getting it!
I'm about to get it!
- Yes!
- I'm about to finish!
- Oh, my God!
- Ah!
Oh!
Got it.
- Nice work.
- Wow.
Oh, my God. Okay.
So, MacGruber, can you please explain
why we're avoiding telling
the U.S. government
that some maniac just got his hands
on a weapon of mass destruction?
Piper, why do you think I hid
that stuff in a fucking cave
for the past 20 years?
For gits and shiggles?
No, I hid it because
no government on Earth
should have it, not even the USA.
I mean, we're talking about
a world-ender here, Piper.
I don't know about you,
but I kind of like the world.
I like sunsets.
I like snowcapped mountains.
I like kicking back with a cold
Molson and watching the game.
I like babies and kettle corn.
Monster trucks and puppy dogs.
I like the tig, ol'
bitties and bunchin' mox.
I even like cancer and type 2 diabetes
because they remind me
that life is precious.
And that is why it is imperative
that we keep this shit
out of Queeth's hands!
But you just gave Queeth the weapon!
You know what?
I'm gonna start calling you Checkers,
'cause that's the game you're playing.
But me? I play chess.
The thinking man's game.
And if you want to win at chess,
you got to think outside the bun
'cause that's how you
win at chess, Checkers.
Checksmate. We good here?
No, we're not good here.
We should tell the
general and get his help.
We don't need his help! All right?
We can do this ourselves.
I mean, don't you see?
You're not a driving
instructor, Checkers.
And, Vicki, you're not a housewife.
You're soldiers, and you always will be.
You're gonna get us all killed.
Vicki, can you give us a second?
- Sure.
- But stay here.
Yeah.
I want you to hear this.
Would it change your mind, Checkers,
if I told you that Enos
Queeth murdered my mother?
- What?
- Yeah.
I want to tell you guys a little story
that I've only told
about 40 other people.
Back in the day,
Queeth and my father were fast friends.
Actually served in
the military together.
Oorah.
But when my father made full
bird colonel in record time,
it sent Queeth into a jealous rage.
The night of my fifth birthday,
he came over to our house
looking to put an end
to my father's life.
Instead, he ended our family.
Put a bullet in my mother's head.
Splattered her brains all
over my face and cake.
Happy birthday to me.
My father was inconsolable.
Queeth stole the love of his life.
Went into a deep depression.
Tried to fill the void with
the drugs and liqueurs.
Long story short,
Queeth fucking ruined him.
So the day I turned 18, I went down
and I joined the Green Berets,
Navy SEALs, and Coast Guard
and made it my life's
mission to take Queeth down.
So, you see,
this isn't just any mission for me.
This is personal.
I remain in.
Thank you, soldier.
- Fine.
- Checkers, really?
Yes, but please stop
calling me Checkers.
Of course.
Now let's go stop this son of a bitch.
Yeah, and how are we gonna do that?
We have exactly zero leads.
Guess again, Checkers.
Queeth's go-to scientist,
Irina Poliskaya.
The world's preeminent chemist
in the field of organophosphates.
She's got every degree in the book.
And a heart as black as the
coal in Queeth's stocking.
So you think she's gonna
synthesize Brimstone?
- I bet your baby's life on it.
- MacGruber!
Vicki, I don't want Piper's
baby to get murdered
or even die of natural causes,
but that's how certain I am.
Poliskaya is our synthesizer.
Well, then we need to
find her and get to her
before Queeth does.
ICDAG.
The International Chemical
Defense Association Gala.
Gala!
Yeah, I know it well.
The International Gala.
Yeah, that's right. I know it very well.
Well, it says here there's a
big soiree in Miami this week.
Every top chemical engineer
in the world will be there.
And guess who's getting a
lifetime achievement award?
Irina Poliskaya.
As I suspected.
Queeth must have timed
this whole operation
for when he'd have access to her.
Checkers, this ain't no coinky-dink.
No, this is an on-purpy-dink.
So what's our plan, MacGruber?
Looks like we're going fishing
for Russian scientists.
It won't be easy.
She's gonna be under heavy guard.
You can catch anything if
you use a big enough worm.
It's true.
Hey, MacGruber, we can't
keep driving around
in that car of yours.
It's kind of hard to stay undercover
in a bright red Miata.
Way ahead of you, Checkers.
Yep, much better.
Big worm is in position.
How are we looking, Checkers?
Give me a sec.
Who are you?
The night shift.
- I'm in.
- Okay, gang.
This is for all the marbles.
We won't get another chance.
Vicki, you in place?
Yeah, I'm at your 11:00.
Sorry, Central Standard Time.
There you are.
Wow, you look
fine.
Well, you also look only fine.
Hey, I got eyes on Poliskaya.
She's by the bar, and she's got company.
Big company.
Piece of cake.
Watch and learn, kid. Watch and learn.
Same old science bullshit,
different science day.
What's up, turtledove?
Buy you an eggnog?
No.
Hey, I can take a hint.
Barkeep, two gin martinis.
And I'll have mine
very dirty.
Allow me.
So, do you like it dirty?
The lady does not wish to talk to you.
Oh, the lady does not want
to talk to me, huh?
That's what you sound like,
you fucking dode.
In fact, the only thing
more stupid than your accent
is the way you're dressed,
the content of your brain,
and your fucking face.
You will leave now.
I will leave now.
Fine.
Let me just settle my bill.
Barkeep, put those on the Queeth tab.
It's an open bar.
You're an open bar!
Queeth. Tab. Now.
Da.
Sorry, Jorgus can be a
little overprotective.
Have we met?
Let's just say I'm a friend of a friend.
Thank you. Here.
Oh, I got a little tip for you.
Keep the change.
All right. Hurry, MacGruber.
The presentation starts in ten minutes,
and you need five for the
capsule to take effect.
Loud and
Got a little boogie.
Holy shit!
Does that guy have his wiener out?
Oh, he fully does!
Oh, you got to turn
your head and see this!
It's so small!
It's like a snail, or is it
No, "it's a snail" is the
perfect way to put it!
Oh, my God!
People are going nuts over there!
No?
Oh, God. You're missing out.
Turn that head!
Oh, my God. Look at this!
You don't want to see this?
Oh, it looks like he's
gonna pull up his pants!
Uh, no, no, no, no,
no. It's still there!
No? Okay.
All right. All right.
Ooh, let's have a head-turning contest!
I'll start.
Vicki, we need a distraction.
On it.
Ahh!
No!
Look at me!
Over here!
Ahh!
Okay. That worked, I guess.
Now get in position
for phase two, Vicki.
On the groove.
Where were we? Oh, that's right.
We were getting to know each other,
and it was going fucking great.
Is it just me, or are we
in a major opposites-attract
situation here?
'Cause you travel with protection,
and I never, ever, ever use protection.
What do you say we get out of here?
You're very persistent, Mr
- Jebblidoo.
- Mm.
Matias Jebblidoo.
Mm, it's been a unique
pleasure, Mr. Jebblidoo.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have a prior obligation.
Oh, hate for you to go Russian off,
but if you must, then Soviet.
To humor.
She's walking. She did it.
She drank it. I did it.
I got her to drink it.
Fuck yeah. You got her, Checkers?
I got her, but please
stop calling me that.
Vicki, you in place?
Set to jet.
All right. I'm in the
pipe, five by five.
Oh! Give me one moment.
Okay. I lost eyes on her.
This is all you, Vick.
Excuse me, do you have any toilet paper?
Let me see if I have some.
Oh, you're in luck. Here you go.
Sorry!
She's out. Commencing
the old switcheroo.
Great work, Vick.
Heads up, Vicki.
Your company has got company.
Okay, Vicki. Jack has just
replaced Poliskaya's guard.
Proceed with caution.
Just making some final adjustments.
Everything all right in there?
Now remember, Vicki,
we only need Queeth's guy
to think you're Poliskaya
for a few minutes
until I can get the real
Poliskaya out of here.
Then, you can give that
fucking jughead the slip.
And then, we are in the clear.
There you are.
- Hi, Miss Poliskaya.
- That's me.
We're ahead of schedule.
We're ready to bring you
to the stage right now.
Great. That's where I want to be.
The ballroom is packed,
and people are really
excited to hear your speech.
My speech?
Yes, of course.
It's not just an award.
It's also a speech.
Right this way.
What do I do?
What's he saying about a speech?
That wasn't part of the plan!
Plans change, Vick. Roll with it.
What do you mean plans change?
What am I supposed to say?
Don't worry. I got your six.
As the near-recipient
of several lifetime achievement awards,
I know that a speech is de rigueur,
so I took the liberty of
writing you an amazing speech.
It's already under your podium.
Thank you.
And now, it is my great pleasure
to welcome the recipient
of this year's ICDA
lifetime achievement award,
Dr. Irina Poliskaya.
Russian hello.
Webster's dictionary defines "science"
as the state or act of
being scientific.
And this definition appears in the S's.
Great job, Vick!
Sounds like that audience
is eating that shit up
like a fucking pot roast.
Keep going.
Science.
Science is all around us.
Right?
They know.
It's when you hear your favorite song,
when you
That is science.
When you get into an elevator
and sometimes there's a funny smell,
that's also science.
Okay. You got 'em on the hook.
Now just reel 'em in nice and easy.
Science is weather
corn
and electric.
The laundry is in the hamper.
- Vicki, bring it home.
- Oh, thank God.
Okay, well, that concludes
my speech about science.
Believe in your dreams! Russian goodbye.
Great job, Vick!
I had no idea you knew all that stuff.
Now just head to the bathroom,
change into the outfit I left you,
and get out here.
By the time they figure
out our little trick play,
we'll be long gone.
Let's go.
- Car is out back.
- Car?
We're going to the lab.
For the synthesis?
Yeah.
Do you mind if I use the potty again?
You're gonna have to hurry that up.
- We're on a tight schedule here.
- Mm-hmm.
Guys, can you hear me?
They're going to the lab.
I think I should go with them.
Vicki, we already got what we came for.
Now stick to the plan.
But they think I'm a scientist!
If I can get my hands on
Brimstone and destroy it,
we can end this thing once and for all!
No, it's too dangerous. Leave now!
But this is just a temporary solution.
Yeah, we've stopped this
scientist this time,
but eventually they're
gonna find someone else
- to synthesize it.
- Look, Vicki.
If you go to that lab,
we can't protect you.
I have to take that chance.
Vicki, please.
If you do this, you will die.
If I don't, millions of people will die.
Hey, this is a direct order.
Stick to the goddamn plan!
All right?
Vicki!
Vicki, did you hear what I said?
Yeah, I heard exactly what you said.
Plans change.
Take me to the lab.
After you.
Vicki, please don't do this!
Vicki! Vicki!
Vicki, come in!
Vicki! Vicki!
Come on, Vicki! Please!