Mr. D (2012) s01e04 Episode Script

1
There's five seconds
left, Celtics to win it all.
He drives in. Damn!
He's driving into the
hoop to win it all!! Yeah!!
Gerry! Are you kidding me? Exams!
I didn't think you started yet.
Did you see that shot? I slam
dunked it! I've never done that.
You lowered the basket,
it's not even regulation.
Doesn't matter
but I still slammed it!
That's was a 3
grade 11's!Celtic's win!
- Hey Gerry, busy week huh?
- Mmmm.
Ready for your
first exam tomorrow?
Uh yup, I'm almost
there just gotta finish it
and then photocopy it
Lisa: Seriously?
Yeah Lisa: I finished mine weeks
- ago, both versions.
- Both versions?
Why would you do two versions
Lisa: Because when I was a
student teacher, I had a student
call in a bomb threat and I had
to evacuate and I had to
write a whole new one.
Well, I don't have enough
time for versions and I don't
have enough photocopies in my
account, so I'm going to do 1
- version.
- I don't even have to
write exams,
'cause I'm a phys ed teacher.
That's great, congrats
Lisa: Ok, so how are you gonna
- get this done by tomorrow?
- I'll go home, finish the
exam I'll stay up late I'll get up
early and I'll photocopy it. Done!
Yeah, ya know what?
I'm gonna stay up late too,
but I'm going to
stay up so I can watch
the game 'cause I'm a
Phys Ed teacher soooo.
Why does she do that? I
want to be a Phys Ed teacher and
she's rubbing it in my
face like I don't need
her to rub it in my face
like that It's mean.
Continue to work on
those questions at the back.
Sir, is there any way we
can get like a hint on what
- might be on the exam?
- Everything, ok?
Everything we've covered,
everything we've talked
- about to this point and more.
- But, like what kind of questions?
Some short answer, some
matching maybe, some
essay, some lists
How about multiple choice?
Wow, a lot of questions
Lewis, for a new kid that just
transferred, 'cause multiple
choice is easy to cheat
isn't it? Way ahead of you, I
know about you and your brother
Clarke, so I'll be watching,
good luck trying to cheat.
I would never dream of cheating.
No, you wouldn't, that's
why you have a million questions.
Sir, did ah, did you
ever cheat in school?
Let's just say, I know
all the tricks Benjamin, ok?
Alright? Cell phones, not
allowed. Talking, not allowed
extra paper, there will be no
washroom breaks, calculators are
fine. If you want to bring
calculator to the exam, bring a
- calculator.
- Sir, why would we need a
- calculator for a history exam?
- Benjamin, tell me this
How many years between the end
of World War One in 1918
and the start of
World War Two in 1939?
- 21.
- Twenty 21.
What if I ask you how many
months then between
252 Gerry: Thank you Rain Woman.
If I ever see anyone write the
word boobless in the calculator
you will be expelled,
disgusting, funny joke for
some of you, disgusting for me.
Thanks guys, just
leave it over there.
OK, everybody knows my father
recently passed away.
We were so sorry
to hear about that.
Thanks, anyway this
foosball table was his,
- I want to give you guys a gift.
- You sure you can part
- with it Paul?
- My father always said, if
you're not sharing, you're
not really playing, so.
- Oh, yes.
- Good Morning everyone.
Foosball, wow! Where
did this come from?
- It's my dad's.
- Wow, this is great.
Let me look at this, move out of
the way Dwyer, cool.
This is a good foosball table.
Who want's to play me? You Dwyer?
- No, no I just
- I promise you, you do not.
Sir I will bury you. I will bury
you underground and watch you rot.
- Simon?
- Bones in a casket by the.
Time I'm done with you man
Lisa: Simon.
Which team do you want to
be? Want to be red like the
massacre that's about to ensue?
Or blue like the corpse I'm
going to turn you into? Do we
have a priest on hand to deliver.
Mr Dwyer his last rites?
Funeral march out of the staff room.
SIMON! His father just
passed away and this table
belonged to him.
- You want to play?
- Yeah, but just a quick
game ok? And make it respectful.
Sir.
Stupid machine!
Need a little help
there do you Gerry?
No, this machine won't collate
and I can't figure it out.
You know it's a poor workman
- that blames his tools.
- What does that mean?
It's a proverb Gerry. It
means you gotta stop blaming the
- photocopier.
- Oh, just say that.
Trudy, here's what I need
put more copies in my account
I can't do that Gerry: Why?
Because it's a budget
thing, I do that for you
- I have to do it for everybody.
- I can't get through
another month without, I I can't
even copy the exams with this.
You ruined enough
copies for like 10 exams.
Yeah Trudy: You gotta learn how to
work that thing Gerry. Do you
know what you can do?
Borrow from another staff member
Gerry: Who?
Leung Gerry: Leung?!
- Yeah! He's got tons!
- He's a weirdo.
It's pronounced librarian
Gerry: Trudy, I need the copies
I don't have enough copies
How about, how about giving me
some of your, your
own from your account.
Please learn how to use that machine Gerry.
I'm begging you.
Learn how to use it.
Trudy can you help
me with this at all or?
No, sorry. Moulder of young minds.
Need another copier here.
You need to spend some money
and get a new copier.
Ok, you have 180 marks.
Please wait til I have handed
these out before you get started
keep your eyes on your own exam
do not start until I tell you
and good luck. Get started.
If you have any question raise
your hand and I will come to you.
Can we write on both sides
Gerry: Ok I just said if you
have a question Lewis, raise
your hand.
No, you cannot write on the back.
Just write on the space that I
have provided there on the front.
What if we run out
of room on the one side?
Seriously everybody
really need you to raise your
hand during an exam if you have
a question. Do not write on the
back of the paper. Thank you.
That was a really
bad waste of paper.
Ok, that wasn't a
question, that was a comment.
A wasted comment. Look, if you
write on both sides, when I mark
these I gotta mark it and I have
to flip it over and then I have
to flip it over, and then I do
this and then I gotta go back to
this side and flip it. It takes
forever. So if you want these
back in a month, then
you can write on the back.
- Is this a question?
- Yes it is.
- Go ahead.
- Don't you always take at
- least a month to hand our stuff?
- That's not a question
- that's a comment.
- No, that was a question.
No, that was a dig.
Thanks to Jimmy and Lewis and
Maya and Ben you now have 85
minutes to write the exam.
Something interesting about the
time there, Lewis?
- What? No!
- Yeah, bring it up here
please. I'm not an idiot.
If I catch anyone talking or
looking or cheating
if I suspect you're cheating,
you'll get zero.
Oh, ah don't look, don't
stop looking please,
stop looking and
Hey, umm
so I'm gonna guess that you
didn't do that second version
- of the exam that I suggested.
- No, glad you're not smug
- about it.
- Good luck with that.
I'll try and get
everyone back inside
as quickly as possible. At times
like this you really realize how
fleeting life is huh? How
vulnerable we truly are.
- There they are.
- Do you know what I mean?
Looky, looky Lewis and
Clarke. Nice trick boys.
Um, trick? We didn't
that wasn't us.
Pull the fire alarm?
Get the exam delayed, give you
some more time to study, you
better hope it's a real fire in
- there, that's all I can say.
- What did you say?
- Why would we hope that?
- That is, that's just
- horrible.
- No, you missed, you
missed the whole beginning
of the conversation
- I'm listening.
- What I was gonna.
False alarm everybody,
back inside, coast is clear.
False alarm. Ok I'm glad
to hear that.
Tuck your shirt in, fix your tie.
Close call Sir.
Hey man, you're not
done that exam yet or what?
For me to explain this,
all this, books, learning to you
right now is going to be way
over a bartenders head, ok?
I wrote my exam. I have to
rewrite the same exam.
Why don't you just
use the same one?
Why don't I just reheat
uneaten chicken wings and serve
- them to a different customer?
- You know that's not the
- same thing, right?
- I know it's not, it's a
- metaphor Bill.
- Actually it's an analogy.
Ok, anyway the point this
is way over your head.
The lazier a man is, the
more he plans to do tomorrow
right? Proverb
Gerry: Right that is a proverb.
You should put that on the exam.
Mmmm.
Was it cold during the cold war?
- Gerary! Sunshine morning!
- Hey, come here Malik.
Do they gi, do they give you
a photocopy account?
- Give me copies?
- No.
- You need copies?
- I need copies.
They come, copies making,
punch, punch, punch and then
forgot and leave. Gerundy, copies Gerry:
Teachers don't punch out.
- Ohhh!
- They don't punch out!
Punch out their code, they don't
punch out their code so you come
- and take for your yard sale.
- Yard Sale!! Yard Sale!
Yard sale, you coming to
yard sale? I make bushkies
I steal all yard sale, steal
Gerry: Aw jeez, that's 1 way
- to get copies, I guess.
- Mmhmm, just watch, punch.
Ok, alright Malik: You can do.
- Gerandy!
- I just did what you said
- people do thanks!
- No punch
1-2-2-1, I like Gerary,
I just make one.
- Goin' down!! Nice!
- Hey guys!
- You havin' a good time with
- Hey! Yeah, it's awesome.
- You enjoying it, huh?
- Bobbu is about to die a
miserable death, sorry Dwyer
Bobbi: Well that's not something.
Last time I saw my dad he
was standing right where you're
- standing Bobbi.
- Is that right?
Yeah, I was supposed to
call him the night he passed
away, but I was too busy. All I
gotta say is just make time guys.
That's something Simon: Two.
Just try to make time.
- Three.
- I can't really, I can't
- really play this anymore.
- Why, what happened?
Where you going?
Forfeit, forfeit.
- Gawee!
- I will see you there.
- Ni hou ma?
- I'm doing fine thank you.
Listen Wayne, I
understand that you have a lot
of copies right now in your
account and I'm wondering if I
could maybe borrow your account.
Grab some copies.
No, Gerry: So you're not going to
- give me any of your copies?
- No, I am not.
What does that
do to your inventory?
How about this?
Just returned you,
check your computer.
Just one game.
Gerry. A little foosball to
start your day.
- Where did we get this?
- Dwyer's dead dad.
- Oh really? Love foosball!
- Yeah.
No, I gotta go,
I gotta get some copies.
You need copies eh?
Play you for them.
Why don't you just
give me some copies?
Come on, where's the fun in that?
Oh, you want to play
foosball for photocopies?
Sure
Gerry: If I win I get as many as
- I need.
- Ok and if I win we hang
- out for a night
- No, that's not happening.
- Drinks.
- Okay, you buy.
Deal, k happy
Gerry: Let's be quick, I have
- very little time.
- Hey guys!
- Oh no!
- Sorry about your dad.
That's cool, things
happen but you know my dad
really loved this table ok? He
had one silly rule
that no one could touch his
favourite player.
That player. Well then
we should honour that rule.
- Thanks Gerry!
- Ok, out of respect for.
His father yeah
Dwyer: I really appreciate it.
- That's my goalie.
- I know, but.
You guys don't mind if
I watch though eh?
No, stay, watch we're
having a little wager here.
Cheer us on! Let's go! I
don't know how you're going to
do this with the goalie. Anyway
You know what? I don't
need my goalie, because I'm not
even playing against you. As
they say "You don't play against"
your opponent you play against
yourself and your own
higher goals and standards
on your route
"to becoming the best and that is
real joy" end of quote.
Nobody ever said that
Dwyer: No, no my dad always used
- to say that.
- No he didn't! Come on!
I made that up
Gerry: No his dad said it.
No, that's ridiculous.
He's making up things about his
- dad for sympathy.
- Excuse me.
- That's so insensitive.
- Dwyer, please. I'm sorry.
We are playing, you made a bet.
Without a goalie? Get off
of me. Dwyer!?
You may begin.
By the way I had to photocopy these myself
with my own money,
because the school does not give me enough
photocopies.
So you may notice the size 8 font
just to help save some costs,
cut down on paper. Funny story,
actually, when I first got my
copy account I never even
Sir, we don't have a lot of time.
You have 90 minutes.
Plenty of time.
Jimmy's done in like 15.
I just have to step out
for a second, but
just keep working quietly.
I might be gone for a couple
minutes be right back.
Hey, is this seat taken here?
Look, I know what you're going
through. It's hard to say
- goodbye to a father.
- You're telling me.
- It's so hard.
- I know. Like, me and my
dad had the greatest fishing
trip this weekend. We never
catch anything but we always
have the greatest time. I don't
- know what I'd do without him.
- Why'd you come here?
All I'm saying is that if
I ever did lose my father,
God forbid, that would be the
worst thing in the world.
To happen to me, personally.
I'd cry, but if I ever did,
he wouldn't want me to stop
fishing and he wouldn't want me
- to ruin fishing for anyone else.
- I understand.
Yeah, I gotta go put the goalie
back in the net. Thanks Simon.
We're still talking about
your dead dad right?
'Cause I don't know what
happened at the end of
that conversation.
45 minutes left
everybody, 45 minutes.
No, no, no, no,
sit, sit, sit, sit! It's another
false alarm. Nobody's going
- anywhere this time.
- How do you know?
I know, I have a hunch,
isn't that right Lewis? Huh?
Isn't that right? A little hunch.
Sir, this isn't me.
- Keep
- Mr. Duncan! This is not
- a drill.
- It's a drill everybody,
- ignore him. It is a drill.
- Are you sure it's a drill?
I'm 100% sure, keep
going, this is a drill, just
- keep writing.
- Mr Duncan! You have to
evacuate your students
immediately!
No, no that's what Lewis
wants. We are not evacuating.
- Keep writing.
- Sir! It's starting to
- feel real.
- Sir, open this door now!
No, he has to come,
that's what they do they have
to get out of the hall, 'cause
they get bored out of their tree
this is not real.
Get out! It's real
I think it's real. Let's go.
It's real, come on, it's
real, it must be real.
Thanks Barry, I appreciate it.
You're just lucky it
wasn't a real fire this time.
Make sure it doesn't happen again.
- I will.
- We will.
Not letting the kids
out of class during a fire alarm.
- Duncan.
- You're lucky we were
- able to get them out alive!
- It wasn't real.
You didn't know that at the time.
I knew that Sir, the
students pull the alarms to get
out of exams. It's the
oldest trick in the book,
these are brothers,
this is what they do.
Not possible. It's faulty wiring.
Mr Duncan, what it comes
down to is this, you've given us
no choice but to go
ahead and let you go.
- Robert!
- What Sir, carry on with
- the firing.
- Look, everyone gets
edgy during exams but under no
circumstances can you keep the
kids in the classroom during a
fire alarm. Do you understand?
- I understand.
- Do you?
I won't do it again.
Because of this exam
situation, the exam is now one
question, and I will dictate the
question, it'll be worth 80
marks. Here we go, let's write
it down and good luck. 80 marks.
When did Columbus,
nope change that, actually sorry
I'm thinking of another,
cross that out.
Where in history sorry,
that's not the question.
Here we go, ready? I got it.
This is it.
What was World War II about?
Question mark.
What, what was World War II
about? Question mark.
- Isn't that a little broad?
- Yeah and that's the point
is it's to give you some room to
to write it's 80 marks Maya, so.
- Lewis?
- Um, do you want us to
to focus on, on an aspect?
Or just all of it?
Just the whole thing, the
whole war from beginning to end.
What was it about? Was it about
people and stuff? Was it about
death? I mean I don't want to
give you answers but I try not
give away the answer, but take
your own spin on it, think
- use your minds. Jimmy?
- Does it matter what
- colour pen we use?
- No, it doesn't matter,
blue is fine, any colour Jimmy.
You don't even finish the exams
- I don't know
- You're right.
Ugh, there goes
your weekend eh? Marking?
Not really. Let me
explain how this works.
If these were regular tests,
what I would do is find the
smartest student, it's Maya and
I would mark hers first.
And I would use
that as my answer key,
but these are essay questions,
now if I were to read
these it would take forever. So
I don't, so I look at their mark
going into it ok? Like Maya,
where's Maya?
Has the highest mark in the
class, there she is.
- So that's my answer key.
- Don't you already know the
- answers?
- Mmm, sometimes their's
are better. I gotta give her a
good mark, a couple circles
and then sometimes, too vague,
too vague that way I don't have
her 100
Bill: Yeah, keep it realistic.
96, I give her a little
more than she has going in
that way she won't come
back and challenge me ok?
Right that's a good system
Gerry: Jimmy Jimmy, look at Jimmy.
Nothing, garbage, waste of time
Bill: Right, nothing.
33, there's some words
there, but I have no time to
read them, so then I get angry.
Jimmy, ridiculous, this has got
- to stop.
- He could say the same
- thing to you.
- Ok? You got the system?
- Yeah, good system buddy.
- You do those ones.
- You want me to mark them?
- You don't really mark,
Alright
Gerry: You just put marks on it.
- You put a circle
- That seems good
- I'm a forger.
- Ok, here's Mike.
Now, Mike's got a 62
Bill: You should give him an 80.
Give him an 80 make his
day, ok? And he goes home, his
parents are excited,
I like that, finally!
You've been rooting
for him the whole time.
Yeah! About time. Thank
you. This person, Shawna
I don't like her. Drives me
nuts, so what I do is I fail her
on the exam, but I just give
her enough to pass the course
so I don't have to teach her
again. So it's like a lot of
check marks and question marks,
underline some things, a couple
- good comments.
- Mediocre.
I haven't used
that one, happy face, smile.
- That's uh, disturbing.
- You are almost a teacher.
- Mr. Duncan?
- Ah, here we go
- Yes, Maya?
- I have a question about
- the exams you gave back.
- Ok, that's a surprise.
You wrote "too vague" on
my paper, I don't know where or
what you're even talking about.
Did I do that?
Hmm, too vague you don't think
your answer was too vague?
No, I think I did a great job.
Alright, alright, let's
get it a little higher there 99.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
But, can you tell me
where I lost the one point?
You are a tough cookie,
let me tell you, 100%
that's as high as I can go
Maya: Perfect, thanks Mr. D.
Alright Mr. D.