Squiddly Diddly (1965) s01e04 Episode Script
Nervous Service
Oh boy, what a boring life.
All I do is sit here while
visitors gawk at me.
What I need is a
nice long vacation.
I wanna see something
else besides visitors.
That's the end of
the tour, folks.
I'll drop you off at the main gate.
Oh boy, the main gate.
And a chance to
get out of here.
I can't let this
opportunity drive by.
Goodbye, folks.
I hope you enjoyed your
tour and come visit us again.
Yes, there goes a happy group.
So this is what the
outside world looks like.
Hey, what's this?
A free travel offer.
See the world, all expenses
paid by your covered bed.
I don't see no fine print
so it must be legitimate.
Get ready world
here comes Squiddly.
Is this where I sign up
for the free travel offer?
That's right, sonny.
Just sign the four papers
on the desk in front of you.
Gosh, I hope we go to Alaska.
I've never seen a
kangaroo, you know.
You promise to defend
your country at all times.
What red blooded American
squid wouldn't?
Okay, you're in, mister.
Red blooded american what?
I think you made a mistake, sir.
You just inducted a
squid into the Navy.
The Navy never makes a mistake.
Have this squid report
to the USS Battletub.
Oh boy, an ocean cruise.
How lucky can I get.
Boy, this sure beats life
at Bubbleland.
I wonder what kind of
games they have planned
for us, first class passenger.
Man, your battle stations!
The war games are
about to commence.
War games? What kind
of a crazy cruise is this?
I'll just hide out
till the games is over.
Hey sailor, close
that missile shoot.
Missile shoot close, sir.
Fire missile one.
Hey there's someone
on the missile.
I must say they got
a lot of trouble to
entertain the passengers.
Oh, no!
The extra weight is
causing the missile
to change cause.
It's heading right for the ship.
Reverse engines.
Squid overboard, sir.
I don't know how
he got in the Navy.
But put him on report.
The the Navy?
What Navy.
I don't mind going to sea.
But who wants to go
to sea to see the Navy?
Hey, Squiddly, let's get
on with the war games.
The admiral wants
ever hand on deck.
- And you're loaded with them.
- Sure.
Anything beats
peeling potatoes.
Aircraft approach, admiral.
Will blast himm out of the air.
Hey, seaman Squiddly.
Fire on the aircraft above.
Aye aye, sir. Boy, am
I getting nautical.
Maybe I'll get a
promotion for this.
Put him on report again.
Gee, I'll never make a good
sailor sit in the brig.
Ykes!
A dud shell.
Oh boy. This is my chance to
get it good with the skipper.
I'll report this
to him right away.
Here comes
seaman squiddley, sir.
- Looks like he's carrying a bomb.
- A bomb?
Yes sir, it landed
in the brig.
Ain't that something?
Clear the decks.
Everybody take cover.
There's a live shell aboard.
But admiral, what
should I do with it?
Here, let me have it.
I know what to do.
What, sir?
I'll just have to disarm it.
First I got unscrew
the warhead. Easy, easy.
There. I got it all.
Then, very gently, I got
a lift off the casing.
Then I got to disengage
the firing pin from
the firing mechanism.
Phew!
There, I done it.
Squiddly!
I know. I know sir.
I'm on report again.
Boy, what a sore
head that admiral is.
He won't even let me
stay on the ship.
This is even more boring
than Bubbleland was.
Hey, hey, what's that?
Looks like a bowling ball.
I didn't know bowling
balls could float,
Must be a foreign ball.
Hey sailor,
wanna bowling game?
I can't.
I'm on duty.
Watch my curveball.
Hey that's no bowling
ball that's a mine.
And same Squiddly done, sir.
He just rolled a mine on board.
It's rolling right into
the parlor room, sir.
Give orders to abandon ship.
We've been sunk by a squid.
And how's that gonna
look in thelog book?
Squiddly I've arranged
for your discharge.
You can leave at once,
only promise me you'll never
come near my ship again.
Oh, I promise sir. I'm
going straight home.
And I'm taking a month's
leave to get my health back.
Yes siree, sir.
There's nothing like a visit to
Bubbleland for a nice vacation.
I feel better already.
You've seen all our
exhibits now, except one.
Hey Squiddly, stand up
and let the admiral see you.
You call, chief?
Oh, oh, oh! No, no, no, Help!
Let me out of here.
Help! Help!
Let me out of here.
Oh, my lay.
Maybe he's never
seen a squid before.
I think maybe he has, chief.
All I do is sit here while
visitors gawk at me.
What I need is a
nice long vacation.
I wanna see something
else besides visitors.
That's the end of
the tour, folks.
I'll drop you off at the main gate.
Oh boy, the main gate.
And a chance to
get out of here.
I can't let this
opportunity drive by.
Goodbye, folks.
I hope you enjoyed your
tour and come visit us again.
Yes, there goes a happy group.
So this is what the
outside world looks like.
Hey, what's this?
A free travel offer.
See the world, all expenses
paid by your covered bed.
I don't see no fine print
so it must be legitimate.
Get ready world
here comes Squiddly.
Is this where I sign up
for the free travel offer?
That's right, sonny.
Just sign the four papers
on the desk in front of you.
Gosh, I hope we go to Alaska.
I've never seen a
kangaroo, you know.
You promise to defend
your country at all times.
What red blooded American
squid wouldn't?
Okay, you're in, mister.
Red blooded american what?
I think you made a mistake, sir.
You just inducted a
squid into the Navy.
The Navy never makes a mistake.
Have this squid report
to the USS Battletub.
Oh boy, an ocean cruise.
How lucky can I get.
Boy, this sure beats life
at Bubbleland.
I wonder what kind of
games they have planned
for us, first class passenger.
Man, your battle stations!
The war games are
about to commence.
War games? What kind
of a crazy cruise is this?
I'll just hide out
till the games is over.
Hey sailor, close
that missile shoot.
Missile shoot close, sir.
Fire missile one.
Hey there's someone
on the missile.
I must say they got
a lot of trouble to
entertain the passengers.
Oh, no!
The extra weight is
causing the missile
to change cause.
It's heading right for the ship.
Reverse engines.
Squid overboard, sir.
I don't know how
he got in the Navy.
But put him on report.
The the Navy?
What Navy.
I don't mind going to sea.
But who wants to go
to sea to see the Navy?
Hey, Squiddly, let's get
on with the war games.
The admiral wants
ever hand on deck.
- And you're loaded with them.
- Sure.
Anything beats
peeling potatoes.
Aircraft approach, admiral.
Will blast himm out of the air.
Hey, seaman Squiddly.
Fire on the aircraft above.
Aye aye, sir. Boy, am
I getting nautical.
Maybe I'll get a
promotion for this.
Put him on report again.
Gee, I'll never make a good
sailor sit in the brig.
Ykes!
A dud shell.
Oh boy. This is my chance to
get it good with the skipper.
I'll report this
to him right away.
Here comes
seaman squiddley, sir.
- Looks like he's carrying a bomb.
- A bomb?
Yes sir, it landed
in the brig.
Ain't that something?
Clear the decks.
Everybody take cover.
There's a live shell aboard.
But admiral, what
should I do with it?
Here, let me have it.
I know what to do.
What, sir?
I'll just have to disarm it.
First I got unscrew
the warhead. Easy, easy.
There. I got it all.
Then, very gently, I got
a lift off the casing.
Then I got to disengage
the firing pin from
the firing mechanism.
Phew!
There, I done it.
Squiddly!
I know. I know sir.
I'm on report again.
Boy, what a sore
head that admiral is.
He won't even let me
stay on the ship.
This is even more boring
than Bubbleland was.
Hey, hey, what's that?
Looks like a bowling ball.
I didn't know bowling
balls could float,
Must be a foreign ball.
Hey sailor,
wanna bowling game?
I can't.
I'm on duty.
Watch my curveball.
Hey that's no bowling
ball that's a mine.
And same Squiddly done, sir.
He just rolled a mine on board.
It's rolling right into
the parlor room, sir.
Give orders to abandon ship.
We've been sunk by a squid.
And how's that gonna
look in thelog book?
Squiddly I've arranged
for your discharge.
You can leave at once,
only promise me you'll never
come near my ship again.
Oh, I promise sir. I'm
going straight home.
And I'm taking a month's
leave to get my health back.
Yes siree, sir.
There's nothing like a visit to
Bubbleland for a nice vacation.
I feel better already.
You've seen all our
exhibits now, except one.
Hey Squiddly, stand up
and let the admiral see you.
You call, chief?
Oh, oh, oh! No, no, no, Help!
Let me out of here.
Help! Help!
Let me out of here.
Oh, my lay.
Maybe he's never
seen a squid before.
I think maybe he has, chief.