The Bad Guys: Breaking In (2025) s01e04 Episode Script

1
I know we've been at this all night,
but our next heist is gonna be the one
that puts The Bad Guys on the map.
I'm sure of it.
You're with me, Shark.
We just have to figure out what it is.
So, come on. There are no bad ideas here.
Sleep.
Huh?
Okay.
I don't know how we steal sleep,
but I did say there was no bad ideas,
so it goes on the list.
No, I need sleep.
You're stealing it from me.
We can rest once we're the best
worst Bad Guys this town has ever seen.
And for that, we need a really big score.
Maybe, before we steal more stuff,
we could clean up the loot we have?
Let's just move.
Yeah, shouldn't a real lair
be big enough for all our loot?
This is a real lair.
It's just, you know, a starter lair.
Which is exactly
why we need to pull off a big heist,
so we can move into the big league.
I know! Let's steal a better lair.
This is a perfectly good lair.
I mean, it's bad…
Because we're bad, not good.
Good at being bad. I…
Let's all just get some sleep.
Tomorrow,
we plan the heist to end all heists.
But if we end all heists,
don't we have to find new jobs?
Just go to sleep.
Good night.
I don't have a résumé or any real skills.
Anyone want some Sleepyfin Tea? Warm milk?
No?
Your loss.
"Don't open, trust me. Snake."
Just breathe.
Don't breathe.
Gah! I hate messes.
Keep it together.
Don't let this mess get the best of you.
Couldn't sleep either, huh, Snake?
I gotta stop falling for that.
It's embarrassing.
I knew if we all put our heads together,
we'd come up with the perfect score.
Lay it on us, Piranha.
If by "perfect" you mean "chore,"
and "score" you mean "wheel,"
then you're right.
It's a chore wheel.
Oh, wow! So, so great!
Follow-up question. What is a chore wheel?
It's pretty simple. Everyone takes a spin.
Whatever the arrow lands on
is their chore.
You know, l-l-like cleaning? Yeah?
I think we can all agree
the lair is a mess, a little bit?
Un poquito?
Is it?
As it should be.
I'm not messy, you're messy.
This is worse than game night.
That is too messy,
even though I clean up all the time!
And I'm not gonna do it on my own anymore!
I was told this was a team, man!
Hey, where you going?
I'm not done yelling!
As the newest member of the group,
and the smallest,
the mess thing can't really be on me.
That could have been anyone.
What's gotten into you, man?
The Piranha I know likes destruction,
not whatever this is.
That guy brings dynamite to a food fight.
That's work me.
At home, I like to kick back
in my cozy spot
after an honest day of thieving.
Look. We didn't even realize
we stole two of these.
That wouldn't happen
if we cleaned up around here.
Well, we did that on purpose.
Uh, they're--they're bookends.
But I see your point.
If we're gonna be
the baddest Bad Guys in town,
we can't steal things twice.
Which we totally didn't do,
because those are a set, like I said.
So, yeah.
I bet a clean slate will help us
think up the perfect score.
As our leader, I'll go first.
I was thinking about challenging you
and taking over the gang,
but I'm good now.
Fixing the septic tank.
Tough break.
Would not want to be Wolf right now.
Oh, this is just so awful!
I can't bear it!
Follow-up question. What is a septic tank?
It's where all the lair's waste goes.
Like, from the toilet.
Won't be needing this anymore.
Thank you, magic trash can.
Oh.
I mean, of course I knew that things
you flush don't magically disappear.
I haven't been putting anything weird
down the toilet.
Okay. Well, uh, not to worry.
My uncle was a plumber.
As a young pup, I tagged along to help.
And, yes, by "help"
I mean case the houses.
But I did pick up some plumbing knowledge,
and my first stolen diamond.
Turned out to be a fake, but still.
Don't use any drains until I finish.
And whatever you do,
don't flush the toilet.
Wolf did it.
You gonna let him show you up like that?
I don't have anything to prove
to you or anybody.
I'm doing it because I want to.
Cleaning the fridge. Could be worse.
-What I win?
-Organizing the loot.
Really? I never win anything!
This is great.
Never gonna happen.
I'll just spin for you.
Hey, cleaning the bathroom.
That leaves
organizing the disguise closet to me.
Oh, lucky. I wish I'd won that.
I'll eat my lucky hat
before I clean a toilet.
Oh, that sounds like a challenge to me.
I'd be happy to cook up
a nice hat casserole.
I've got a good recipe.
I'd like to see any of you
even try to lay a finger on it.
Oh!
I'm going to get that hat.
Again, I have nothing to prove.
I just like headwear.
Let's make this interesting.
If we can steal your hat,
then you have to do your chore,
plus all of ours.
That's a funny story.
But I'll steal
whatever junk you care about
before you even get close to my hat.
You think you can figure out what
each of our most prized possessions are,
and then steal them
before we nab your silly hat?
I'm more of a Bad Guy
than the three of you combined.
So, yeah, I do.
Oh, it is very on.
Yeah, go on.
We'll give you a five-minute head start.
What? It could have worked.
Only good thing about nobody ever cleaning
is that Snake will never find
my most prized possession.
That is, until Snake has to do my chore,
because we're definitely gonna win.
Okay. Been a while
since I've done any plumbing.
Uh, actually, I've never plumbed.
But still, totally got this.
Ugh!
Yeah.
That's a lot.
Here's the plan.
I overpower Snake
with my sweet stealth moves,
and then you two grab the hat, we win.
The end.
Did you not… Stealth moves?
Yeah, yeah, I got it the first time.
And the third.
That's not a plan. Snake's smart.
We can't just…
I looked way cooler.
We need an actual plan.
Relax.
We just gotta wait Snake out.
He'll never guess
what my most prized possession is.
-I'm mysterious like that.
-It's your grandmother's tooth.
Witch! How?
It's hanging on a string around your neck.
You also did a one-shark show about it.
Your average shark has 300 teeth
But my grandmother was like no other
3,000 teeth had she
Better to face the dangers of the sea
But this cuspid
Was her most beloved
No!
One down, two to go.
Witch!
-How did you…?
-We'll never win that way.
As I was saying, we need a plan.
Oh. What new streaming service is this?
Wait, that's my room.
No fair. I want to be on TV.
-Do you have a camera in my room?
-No. I have multiple cameras.
Uh… Is that not a normal thing to do?
I'm new to having a team.
Just figured a good teammate knows
what her besties are up to at all times.
Anyhoo, focusing on Snake,
who's the one we're mad at
right now, right?
I'm not sure anymore.
He is, and he's up one.
But we can still win if we play smart.
Okay, but I have to change first.
Without the pendant,
this ensemble is wrecked.
Hmm. Speaking of wrecked.
Remember when I said
not to flush the toilet?
Thanks, magic trash can.
Abra-ca-flush.
-The magic trash can?
-I couldn't help myself.
No more flushing the toilet!
Very, very bad things happen
when you do that!
Got it?
Good.
I trust you.
How am I supposed to find anything
in this mess?
Off to the magic trash can with these.
Hmm.
Okay. Easy. Easy, now.
I just want to figure out
what's clogging you
and get this over with.
I live with a bunch of animals.
I am the only one with fur.
Am I losing fur in the shower?
Okay, that's not mine.
Unless I'm going gray?
Wait. Is that one of Shark's wigs?
Who flushes a wig down the toilet?
Uh, is that a USB cable? Webs!
Are you kidding me, Piranha?
It's okay to have two.
Snake? Come on!
Everyone using the toilet as a trash can?
No wonder it's so clogged.
Shark!
No more magic trash can!
Oh, I've been looking for that.
I mean… Sorry, I-I can't hear you.
I also don't know who you are
because I'm in character. Gotta go!
Piranha!
What is going on? Why aren't you cleaning?
Hey! Get back here!
Just an honest fisherman
trying to catch my family's dinner.
Hey! I'm nobody's dinner.
But my family hasn't eaten in days.
Why are you even in disguise?
Don't question my process!
I'm the one who should be insulted.
Lowering on webs from the ceiling
is kind of my thing.
He's on the move. Positions!
Wait for it.
He always nukes his breakfast push pop.
He calls it his morning push-me-up.
Pretty dumb.
The sound of the microwave will cover you.
-Oh, no.
-What's wrong?
Uh, nothing's wrong.
Just focus on the hat, Piranha.
Just the hat. You have 30 seconds.
Twenty-nine.
Twenty-eight. Twenty-seven.
Twenty-six.
-Nice of you to drop in.
-My teacup!
You really stashed your tea set
someplace safe.
Good thing…
…I'm a safe-cracker.
You give that back to me right now!
I'd be happy to.
Just forget all this chore wheel business.
Oh, and admit that I'm the better Bad Guy.
Never!
Too bad.
Guess I'll just have to prove it to you.
Which won't be hard,
since I only have one last item to steal.
Whatever junk Webs cares about.
Whoo! I've got a live one.
Bertha, get the net!
In this scene, I have a wife named Bertha.
Whoa!
Amateur. I told you I should have done it.
And stop fighting.
You're just making things worse.
Are you going to hurl?
Nothing to be ashamed of.
Happened to me when I first learned
to spin webs as a spiderling.
I'm not gonna hurl.
But my brain did just hurl up an idea.
Digging in the trash?
And you act like you're the clean one.
I am. But we have to play dirty
if we're gonna beat Snake.
I've never played dirt before.
Played a sand dune once at a beach heist.
Became best friends with a seagull.
No, not like actual…
Never mind.
Shark, I have
the role of a lifetime for you.
Webs, since your thing is
the only thing he hasn't gotten,
I'm sorry, you have to be the bait.
Are you kidding?!
I've always wanted to be bait.
It's number 12 on
my list of things to do once I had a team.
Keep him distracted,
but get him to the bathroom in 20 minutes.
Shark, your job is to let him in,
but only once I give you the signal.
What's the signal?
Oh, you'll know when it happens.
I'm all for theatrics,
but not telling us
feels unnecessarily dramatic.
Is that even possible?
Can your tech do non-spying stuff?
We should be out pulling heists,
but instead, I'm cleaning up their messes.
What are they doing flushing all this junk
down the toilet?
Hmm.
Who flushes a diamond down the…
Oh… right.
Got to get rid of the evidence.
Maybe the tank being clogged
is a little my fault too.
-I can't believe what you're saying.
-Keep your voice down.
We don't want you-know-who to hear
where I keep my you-know-what.
How can you tell me to be quiet
at a time like this?
Be cool.
And as long as my favorite thing
also stays cool, Snake will never find it.
Ah.
Not so smart after all, are you, Webs?
It's got to stay cool, eh?
How can any of this junk
be your favorite thing?
Oh, hello, gorgeous.
What's this?
"Hi, Snake."
"Hi, Snake"?
That eight-legged rat tricked me
into doing her chore.
Huh?
Just a regular old plumber,
plumbing stuff.
Definitely not waiting on
some kind of signal.
I deserve this one.
Hmm.
This is obviously
another one of Webs' tricks,
so I shouldn't follow them.
Unless that's exactly
what she'd want me to do.
Oh, did Wolf say something about
the toilet and not flushing it?
Is that why the lights went out?
Or was that the signal?
No one's here!
I mean, no one important.
Just Ron, a humble plumber.
Humble plumber. Humble plumber.
Those vocal exercises are paying off.
-Come on, Shark. Open up.
-I said my name is Ron.
Come on. Come on. It's got to be here.
Oh, what's that,
sir I've never met before?
You know exactly what I'm looking for.
And if you're not going to help me
find Webs' thing, then leave.
A plumber never quits
until the job is done.
Hmm. Hey.
Done.
Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no.
Who keeps flushing?
What do you know? Spill it.
You're not that good an actor.
Those are pretty big words
for somebody without a hat.
What? How?
Huh?
Hmm.
Nice try. Ready to give up?
I hate to say it,
but you really are the better Bad Guy…
at losing hats!
What the…?
Now, that's what I call a plan.
We actually beat Snake.
Not that I ever thought we wouldn't.
I didn't think we would.
That guy steals in his sleep.
The doctors call it Sleptomania.
He's always setting off
my motion-sensor cameras at night.
We need to have a talk about privacy,
and respecting it.
That hat looks terrible on you.
You don't have
the inherent cool factor to pull it off.
I feel plenty cool,
but also a little itchy.
Don't you ever wash this thing?
I think we both know that hygiene
is a pretty low priority for me.
I lost fair and square.
I'll do the chores.
But I just gotta know.
Webs, what is your favorite thing?
Hanging out with my new friends.
Uh, you guys.
By even trying to steal it,
you gave me more,
because we spent the day together.
Aww!
Well, then I'll steal it
by not hanging out with you anymore.
Or, if you wanted some help,
I'd be down to tag along
and do the chores with you.
I actually love cleaning.
And cleaning with friends
is two great things combined.
I already organized the disguise closet
and cleaned the bathroom.
And Webs tricked me
into cleaning out the fridge.
Respect, by the way.
I guess that just leaves
organizing the loot.
That's more your style.
I have to admit…
…the lair does smell better.
What? Snakes have
a highly attuned sense of smell.
This dump has gone from "sad gym"
to "rom-com B&B."
Hey, hey, hey! Wolf, come on, man.
You're making a mess.
Yeah, you gotta clean that up.
I'm making a mess?
Yeah, okay, I flushed a few things.
But you?
You're the ones who flushed
every last thing down the toilet!
You know how long it took me to unclog…
Wait.
How did it get so clean in here?
Where did all the mess go?
You didn't flush it down the toilet?
-No.
-No way.
Yes, we did.
Don't you do it!
Oh, it's all over my hat!