The Change (2023) s01e04 Episode Script
Episode 4
1
RHYTHMIC CLAPPING
RECORD CRACKLES
GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS
The day I turned my life around
Was a day like any other
I tried to start all over again
I was warned by another
A circle in a spiral
A never-ending line
A solitary weakness
A ream that you'd be right
La, la, la, la,
over and over again
I'm going round in circles
Around and round and round
Like I'm riding on a cartwheel
But I can make a sound
I'm deep into the quicksand
Sinking below
All that's left is my land
Down, down I go
La, la, la, la,
over and over again
La, la, la,
la, over and over again
Again, again, again,
again, again. ♪
DOORBELL RINGS
WOMAN ON PHONE:
Well, we should have
DJ: Angela, could I speak? Am I
allowed to speak? It's only my show.
If you want to rant about
the Eel Queen,
you can do that on Joy's
show. Let me just say, right
Or, or Radio Four's dreadful
Woman's Hour.
But the thing is
I mean, why is it still on?
Why is it still on?
But can I? No-one wants to hear
about menstruation,
rape and female genital mutilation
at ten in the morning, Angela.
Listen to me. No
If there's a woman's hour,
where's the hour for black people
PA: ..or midgets, or people that
identify as Klingon?
There are people that identify
as Klingon, Angela.
You sellotape a mars bar to your
head, put a Tina Turner wig on
No, I just
you're a Klingon.
PHONE RINGS
RADIO: This is a rich country.
There's no such thing as food poverty.
I'm living up a tree
and I've got cheese.
You know, if the poor people
in this country are going hungry,
it's because they're spending
their benefits on fags and gnomes.
Solomon is on line two.
Hello, Solomon.
Now them bones have been found,
development's halted
and your birds are safe,
some say you're no longer
a local hero,
just some bigot up a tree.
Well, thank you for that, Solomon.
They're safe for now,
but whether this site becomes
a crime scene or an archaeological
dig, the developers will be back,
with their chainsaws,
and I, for one,
am not going anywhere.
Isaiah is on line three.
Hello, Isaiah.
You ain't even a real Verderer.
Stick it up your ar
OK, let's have some music
now, then, shall we?
But, before we do, a big shout out
to Neil and Christine Hamilton,
who sent me a crate of cheese.
It's unbelievable. Honestly, if
someone had told me 20 years ago
that I'd be living up a tree,
chomping on a pound of Stinking
Bishop that the leader
of the Ukip party had sent me,
I wouldn't have believed them.
Humbled.
Truly humbled.
You know, I might be defecating
like a tramp up here,
but I'm eating like a king.
So, what will you do?
The right thing. All right.
Well, just don't rush into anything.
I know you. It's very well
having socialist principles,
but not if you hand over
your entire inheritance.
Think of the cats.
I've spent three weeks thinking
about this will, Joy.
Faither Watkins
had sex with Mum once
and never did nothing for her nor me
when he was alive.
He's not my faither. I don't want
his eel cafe or eel king title,
or stewardship
of the eel festival.
I'd like to have my half-sister's
mind, if they'll have me.
I can't believe no-one saw it.
The resemblance is uncanny.
It's going to hit Uncle hard.
His brain will explode.
He doesn't need to know.
He's been like a faither to me
since Mum died.
BELL TINKLES
Hey. What's happened to your eye?
Er
Bird flew into it.
What the hell's going on?
Punch-up at the pub.
The Verderer is furious
that Ryan got hurt.
What does he expect,
putting that shit out there?
Tony ended it, according to Ryan.
He asked the idiots what
Ryan's pronouns had to do with them,
and they said they didn't know,
they hadn't really thought about it,
so he said, "Well, maybe
you should think about it"
and he whacked them with a pool cue.
Hmm.
Joy, I want to talk to you about something.
About why I was
at the mine entrance?
I was wondering when you were
going to ask that. Er, what?
I was mining ochre.
SHE GASPS
For you heart?
Yeah.
But taking from the land
is frowned upon
if you're not from here, Lin, so
WHISPERS: Keep it on the low-down.
MOUTHS: I will.
Oh, it's down-low.
Oh, what is?
You said low-down.
No, I didn't.
OK.
Joy? Yeah.
There's something else
I wanted to ask you.
TWIG SNAPS
That is a really lovely idea, Lin.
The town would really
appreciate that.
OK.
You know, let's mull it over.
These things can be really personal.
Oh, yeah.
OK.
Look, look, boys, boys,
listen to this.
"Few tasks are more similar
to the torment of Sisyphus,
"with its endless repetition,
than those of the housewife.
"Day after day, one must wash
dishes, dust furniture, mend clothes
"that would be dirty,
dusty and torn again.
"The housewife wears herself
out, running on the spot.
"She never gains the sense
that she's conquering,
"a positive good but struggles
indefinitely against evil."
This is my life.
So, that's what Ryan wants to do.
Always were a lovely child.
We got half-sibling, Carm.
We have!
Could've take Ryan in when Sarah
died if we'd known.
Oh, well, Verderer did a decent job.
You'll make sure the cats
want for nothing.
Always felt there was someone
missing, I did.
Oh, and another thing that Linda
wanted me to ask you
I told her, we ain't doing
vegan eels. Nor eel karaoke.
A memorial for Faither
for the community, as part
of the festival procession.
Didn't have the guts to ask
us herself, Saint Linda?
Too busy do-gooding? Collecting
the Verderer's shit bags
and teaching the men about
the menopause not enough for her?
She wanted it to be a surprise,
and I know how much you hate those.
This is why I'm telling you,
because I don't want anyone
getting punched in the face again.
She doesn't know about the will
or Ryan yet,
and she thought you'd appreciate it,
that it'd be good for morale,
you know, to unite the town?
The redevelopment and the Eel
Festival has been so divisive.
But, obviously, it's complicated
for you both, so
Why don't you sleep on it?
Do what you want.
We don't give a shit, do we, Carm?
No, we do not.
Cantucci.
Hmm?
Cantucci.
Can I what?
A biscuit. Oh, yes, please.
Thanks. Italian almond biscuits,
specially for coffee. Oh, lovely.
I think they're off.
No, it's supposed to be like that.
You dunk it in the coffee.
Oh, right.
You can suck it if you like. Mm!
Mm!
Nice? Mm! Really nice.
I wish they'd hurry up
and date these bones.
I feel a bit vulnerable in the
caravan on my own.
Don't worry about it, Linda,
I'm sure it's all very innocent.
Yeah, you're right.
Nothing to worry about.
Someone probably just died
of natural causes
when they were out walking.
Fell over, some soil blew on them,
and then no-one reported
them missing.
I never really thanked you
for ripping that eviction notice
off and bringing it to the meeting.
Oh, I probably wasn't supposed
to do that.
Well, it meant a lot to me. Hmm.
Erm
Linda? Mm?
There's something
I really want to show you.
Oh. Will you come inside?
Yeah.
Oh, God!
I'm sorry, Pig Man, but I don't see
you like that at all.
And I'm sorry if I've ever given
you that impression,
but I genuinely
don't think that I have.
No, Linda, I'm not Can't men
and women just be friends
without men always thinking there's
something in it.
And - newsflash - we really don't
want to look at your penises
all the time, OK? Babies -
that's what we like looking at.
Babies and dogs and cats
in costumes, not penises.
I know it's a power thing. What if
women expose their vulvas to men?
Oh, hello, my name's Linda.
My life hasn't turned out
how I wanted it to.
I've got no power.
Look at my vagina.
Linda, please.
Please, just turn around.
I haven't got my penis out.
Oh, my God, my time capsule!
It's in really good nick still.
There, there! That's where it fell
out of my backpack
when I was climbing up the tree.
LAUGHING: Oh, my God.
Oh
Mum's spoon.
Breaking was our thing.
SHE LAUGHS AND SNIFFS
Hmm.
We used to pick this together
on, on walks.
Got loads.
Sorry.
Why have you got my?
I meant to tell you that first day,
but the longer I left it,
the harder it got.
SHE GASPS
Porky!
WHISPERS: Oh, my God.
HE SIGHS
It's given me so much comfort
over the years.
What's going on, Pig Man?
My daughter, Holly.
I'd just almost tripped over.
That's why she's laughing.
She wasn't with us very long.
Oh, God.
I'm so sorry.
Her mum took the photo.
We
Well, our marriage didn't
survive it.
Her illness, I mean, not the
Not the trip.
It's funny how, as a parent, you'd
give anything for a minute's peace.
What I wouldn't give now
for one more minute with her.
She was mad about pigs.
I know it sounds daft, but
this is where I feel
closest to her.
How old was she?
Ten.
The same age I was when I hid the capsule.
God, you must have thought it was
some kind of sign, or
To find a toy pig where
your boars' truffles grow.
Maybe it's a magic tree.
Yeah.
Maybe it was planted on a ley line.
When I was a kid,
I used to think there was something
really special about this place.
Something
otherly.
I know what you mean.
LOW RUMBLING
RUMBLING STOPS
Was it a school project?
No, no.
When my mum died, I decided
to bury everything I loved.
I was so furious with God.
I remember thinking, "Right, well,
just have everything, then.
"Have it all."
My way of coping, I suppose.
BANGING
There you are.
Siobhan!
How did you? Found my phone.
Weird kid in a cafe,
two weird sisters in another cafe,
small man up a tree and,
hey, presto.
I knew it. I told Steve there was
someone else,
but he wouldn't have it,
the gullible dick.
Oh, boo, hoo, hoo, hoo!
"I'm Linda. I've locked my grief in
a time capsule."
"I've got the menopause."
"I want people to know me as Linda,
"not as somebody's wife and mum."
Oh, you didn't know there was
a husband and kids at home, did you?
Oh, shame.
We're not I knew it. I knew you
didn't have it in you
to go off on your own.
I knew there had to be
a man involved.
All this finding yourself bullshit,
when all you've found is
Jesus of Nazareth here.
Do you rise again on the third day,
do you, mate?
Oh! Maybe you rise every day.
You dirty Bertie, Lin!
That's enough, Siobhan!
I'm going to give you two
some space.
No, this is your home.
We'll go outside. OK.
Great to meet you.
Put a T-shirt on. Linda Linda!
WHISPERS: Phew!
Have you seriously traded
in your husband and kids
for Crocodile Dundee, some twat up a
tree, and two weird eel women
who have to be the biggest
pair of cunts I've ever met?
And I've met Ant and Dec.
It's been really good for me,
this trip, Siobhan.
It's been bloody selfish,
is what it's been.
I'm entitled to have
some time to myself.
You should do the same.
Leave me out of this.
This has got nothing to do with me.
It obviously has.
It's always about you.
It always has been.
You didn't need to take
Mum's role, Siobhan.
You were just a kid yourself.
But you did, because that was
the only way that you could
deal with her death. And I let you
because I could see that
it filled a hole. But it stops now.
It's exhausting.
I love you, Siobhan.
But, please
You're not Mum.
So, live your life
and let me live mine.
Mistakes and all.
Three weeks on your own and
you've turned into a right
cocky little shit.
Oh, God.
The truth will out, Linda,
because it always does.
Tell them who you are
and stop being a weird idiot.
Or I will.
And why are you dressed like
Julian Cope?
WHISPERS: Twat.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut
you off there, Jackie.
Breaking news just in -
the results are back from the lab
and has been confirmed
that the bones found by
the developers are definitely human.
They've been sent off
for further analysis.
The plot thickens.
Back after this.
ACOUSTIC GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS
There you go.
Ah
The wife's found out about Lin's
fucking ledger.
It's causing a lot of problems.
They're already timing and costing
their chores now.
They said it
already adds up to a spa weekend.
You better hope this don't
catch on, Steve.
It's like the Icelandic women's
strike of 1975 all over again.
Jesus Christ.
Hello?
Ags?
Is anyone home?
Hello?
Oh! Could you stop doing that?
What?
I just want to tell you that
I'm staying in the pub tonight
because they found As you know,
the bones are human,
but they haven't dated them yet,
and I don't fancy staying out
in the woods on my own in a caravan
with no lock on the door.
Human bones, you say? Whoa! Please!
Why don't you have a drink with us,
Linda?
Settle them nerves.
You'll get some of faither's
special whisky out.
And maither's special glasses.
No, no, I just want to go.
It's very nice of you, but,
but I'd just much rather
Oh, sorry.
I'd be honoured to have some
of faither's special whisky
out of one of maither's
special glasses. Thank you.
Thank you.
The water of life.
SHE CHOKES AND COUGHS
SHE HACKS LOUDLY
BIRDS' WINGS FLAP
Don't fret about no bones, Linda,
nor your tree.
Oh, all right. I won't fret, then.
Why is no-one bothered about this?
It's all sorted, Linda.
Great-great-grandfaither
seen to it.
Great-great-grandfaither
WHISPERS: Here we go again.
he was born on this land
over by them bins,
and was returned to it over there,
by that tree.
Got dug up.
Then was returned to another
part of it.
Do you know what?
Really sick of these riddles.
Why don't you just speak norm?
No!
You didn't.
The bones
are great-great-grandfaither's?
Oh
Hah!
Isn't that illegal? Not round here.
Forest rules.
Do others know?
Them as need to know knows.
Forest folk what has the forest
in their hearts.
And the pathologist's office.
And the police.
And third cousin Bernadette.
Her loves digging up bones.
And now you.
And now me.
See, Carm? Digging up the past does
sometimes work.
We trust you, Linda.
And we don't
want the whole town knowing,
so keep it on the low-down.
WHISPERS: I will.
Oh, it's down-low.
What is?
You said
Nothing.
Cheers.
Here's to friendship.
And truth.
SHE SWALLOWS LOUDLY
Jesus! You swallow loudly.
Oh, Sally, my dear,
it's you I'd be kissing
She smiled and replied, "You
don't know what you're missing."
Oh, Sally, my dear,
I wish I could wed you ♪
RHYTHMIC CLAPPING
RECORD CRACKLES
GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS
The day I turned my life around
Was a day like any other
I tried to start all over again
I was warned by another
A circle in a spiral
A never-ending line
A solitary weakness
A ream that you'd be right
La, la, la, la,
over and over again
I'm going round in circles
Around and round and round
Like I'm riding on a cartwheel
But I can make a sound
I'm deep into the quicksand
Sinking below
All that's left is my land
Down, down I go
La, la, la, la,
over and over again
La, la, la,
la, over and over again
Again, again, again,
again, again. ♪
DOORBELL RINGS
WOMAN ON PHONE:
Well, we should have
DJ: Angela, could I speak? Am I
allowed to speak? It's only my show.
If you want to rant about
the Eel Queen,
you can do that on Joy's
show. Let me just say, right
Or, or Radio Four's dreadful
Woman's Hour.
But the thing is
I mean, why is it still on?
Why is it still on?
But can I? No-one wants to hear
about menstruation,
rape and female genital mutilation
at ten in the morning, Angela.
Listen to me. No
If there's a woman's hour,
where's the hour for black people
PA: ..or midgets, or people that
identify as Klingon?
There are people that identify
as Klingon, Angela.
You sellotape a mars bar to your
head, put a Tina Turner wig on
No, I just
you're a Klingon.
PHONE RINGS
RADIO: This is a rich country.
There's no such thing as food poverty.
I'm living up a tree
and I've got cheese.
You know, if the poor people
in this country are going hungry,
it's because they're spending
their benefits on fags and gnomes.
Solomon is on line two.
Hello, Solomon.
Now them bones have been found,
development's halted
and your birds are safe,
some say you're no longer
a local hero,
just some bigot up a tree.
Well, thank you for that, Solomon.
They're safe for now,
but whether this site becomes
a crime scene or an archaeological
dig, the developers will be back,
with their chainsaws,
and I, for one,
am not going anywhere.
Isaiah is on line three.
Hello, Isaiah.
You ain't even a real Verderer.
Stick it up your ar
OK, let's have some music
now, then, shall we?
But, before we do, a big shout out
to Neil and Christine Hamilton,
who sent me a crate of cheese.
It's unbelievable. Honestly, if
someone had told me 20 years ago
that I'd be living up a tree,
chomping on a pound of Stinking
Bishop that the leader
of the Ukip party had sent me,
I wouldn't have believed them.
Humbled.
Truly humbled.
You know, I might be defecating
like a tramp up here,
but I'm eating like a king.
So, what will you do?
The right thing. All right.
Well, just don't rush into anything.
I know you. It's very well
having socialist principles,
but not if you hand over
your entire inheritance.
Think of the cats.
I've spent three weeks thinking
about this will, Joy.
Faither Watkins
had sex with Mum once
and never did nothing for her nor me
when he was alive.
He's not my faither. I don't want
his eel cafe or eel king title,
or stewardship
of the eel festival.
I'd like to have my half-sister's
mind, if they'll have me.
I can't believe no-one saw it.
The resemblance is uncanny.
It's going to hit Uncle hard.
His brain will explode.
He doesn't need to know.
He's been like a faither to me
since Mum died.
BELL TINKLES
Hey. What's happened to your eye?
Er
Bird flew into it.
What the hell's going on?
Punch-up at the pub.
The Verderer is furious
that Ryan got hurt.
What does he expect,
putting that shit out there?
Tony ended it, according to Ryan.
He asked the idiots what
Ryan's pronouns had to do with them,
and they said they didn't know,
they hadn't really thought about it,
so he said, "Well, maybe
you should think about it"
and he whacked them with a pool cue.
Hmm.
Joy, I want to talk to you about something.
About why I was
at the mine entrance?
I was wondering when you were
going to ask that. Er, what?
I was mining ochre.
SHE GASPS
For you heart?
Yeah.
But taking from the land
is frowned upon
if you're not from here, Lin, so
WHISPERS: Keep it on the low-down.
MOUTHS: I will.
Oh, it's down-low.
Oh, what is?
You said low-down.
No, I didn't.
OK.
Joy? Yeah.
There's something else
I wanted to ask you.
TWIG SNAPS
That is a really lovely idea, Lin.
The town would really
appreciate that.
OK.
You know, let's mull it over.
These things can be really personal.
Oh, yeah.
OK.
Look, look, boys, boys,
listen to this.
"Few tasks are more similar
to the torment of Sisyphus,
"with its endless repetition,
than those of the housewife.
"Day after day, one must wash
dishes, dust furniture, mend clothes
"that would be dirty,
dusty and torn again.
"The housewife wears herself
out, running on the spot.
"She never gains the sense
that she's conquering,
"a positive good but struggles
indefinitely against evil."
This is my life.
So, that's what Ryan wants to do.
Always were a lovely child.
We got half-sibling, Carm.
We have!
Could've take Ryan in when Sarah
died if we'd known.
Oh, well, Verderer did a decent job.
You'll make sure the cats
want for nothing.
Always felt there was someone
missing, I did.
Oh, and another thing that Linda
wanted me to ask you
I told her, we ain't doing
vegan eels. Nor eel karaoke.
A memorial for Faither
for the community, as part
of the festival procession.
Didn't have the guts to ask
us herself, Saint Linda?
Too busy do-gooding? Collecting
the Verderer's shit bags
and teaching the men about
the menopause not enough for her?
She wanted it to be a surprise,
and I know how much you hate those.
This is why I'm telling you,
because I don't want anyone
getting punched in the face again.
She doesn't know about the will
or Ryan yet,
and she thought you'd appreciate it,
that it'd be good for morale,
you know, to unite the town?
The redevelopment and the Eel
Festival has been so divisive.
But, obviously, it's complicated
for you both, so
Why don't you sleep on it?
Do what you want.
We don't give a shit, do we, Carm?
No, we do not.
Cantucci.
Hmm?
Cantucci.
Can I what?
A biscuit. Oh, yes, please.
Thanks. Italian almond biscuits,
specially for coffee. Oh, lovely.
I think they're off.
No, it's supposed to be like that.
You dunk it in the coffee.
Oh, right.
You can suck it if you like. Mm!
Mm!
Nice? Mm! Really nice.
I wish they'd hurry up
and date these bones.
I feel a bit vulnerable in the
caravan on my own.
Don't worry about it, Linda,
I'm sure it's all very innocent.
Yeah, you're right.
Nothing to worry about.
Someone probably just died
of natural causes
when they were out walking.
Fell over, some soil blew on them,
and then no-one reported
them missing.
I never really thanked you
for ripping that eviction notice
off and bringing it to the meeting.
Oh, I probably wasn't supposed
to do that.
Well, it meant a lot to me. Hmm.
Erm
Linda? Mm?
There's something
I really want to show you.
Oh. Will you come inside?
Yeah.
Oh, God!
I'm sorry, Pig Man, but I don't see
you like that at all.
And I'm sorry if I've ever given
you that impression,
but I genuinely
don't think that I have.
No, Linda, I'm not Can't men
and women just be friends
without men always thinking there's
something in it.
And - newsflash - we really don't
want to look at your penises
all the time, OK? Babies -
that's what we like looking at.
Babies and dogs and cats
in costumes, not penises.
I know it's a power thing. What if
women expose their vulvas to men?
Oh, hello, my name's Linda.
My life hasn't turned out
how I wanted it to.
I've got no power.
Look at my vagina.
Linda, please.
Please, just turn around.
I haven't got my penis out.
Oh, my God, my time capsule!
It's in really good nick still.
There, there! That's where it fell
out of my backpack
when I was climbing up the tree.
LAUGHING: Oh, my God.
Oh
Mum's spoon.
Breaking was our thing.
SHE LAUGHS AND SNIFFS
Hmm.
We used to pick this together
on, on walks.
Got loads.
Sorry.
Why have you got my?
I meant to tell you that first day,
but the longer I left it,
the harder it got.
SHE GASPS
Porky!
WHISPERS: Oh, my God.
HE SIGHS
It's given me so much comfort
over the years.
What's going on, Pig Man?
My daughter, Holly.
I'd just almost tripped over.
That's why she's laughing.
She wasn't with us very long.
Oh, God.
I'm so sorry.
Her mum took the photo.
We
Well, our marriage didn't
survive it.
Her illness, I mean, not the
Not the trip.
It's funny how, as a parent, you'd
give anything for a minute's peace.
What I wouldn't give now
for one more minute with her.
She was mad about pigs.
I know it sounds daft, but
this is where I feel
closest to her.
How old was she?
Ten.
The same age I was when I hid the capsule.
God, you must have thought it was
some kind of sign, or
To find a toy pig where
your boars' truffles grow.
Maybe it's a magic tree.
Yeah.
Maybe it was planted on a ley line.
When I was a kid,
I used to think there was something
really special about this place.
Something
otherly.
I know what you mean.
LOW RUMBLING
RUMBLING STOPS
Was it a school project?
No, no.
When my mum died, I decided
to bury everything I loved.
I was so furious with God.
I remember thinking, "Right, well,
just have everything, then.
"Have it all."
My way of coping, I suppose.
BANGING
There you are.
Siobhan!
How did you? Found my phone.
Weird kid in a cafe,
two weird sisters in another cafe,
small man up a tree and,
hey, presto.
I knew it. I told Steve there was
someone else,
but he wouldn't have it,
the gullible dick.
Oh, boo, hoo, hoo, hoo!
"I'm Linda. I've locked my grief in
a time capsule."
"I've got the menopause."
"I want people to know me as Linda,
"not as somebody's wife and mum."
Oh, you didn't know there was
a husband and kids at home, did you?
Oh, shame.
We're not I knew it. I knew you
didn't have it in you
to go off on your own.
I knew there had to be
a man involved.
All this finding yourself bullshit,
when all you've found is
Jesus of Nazareth here.
Do you rise again on the third day,
do you, mate?
Oh! Maybe you rise every day.
You dirty Bertie, Lin!
That's enough, Siobhan!
I'm going to give you two
some space.
No, this is your home.
We'll go outside. OK.
Great to meet you.
Put a T-shirt on. Linda Linda!
WHISPERS: Phew!
Have you seriously traded
in your husband and kids
for Crocodile Dundee, some twat up a
tree, and two weird eel women
who have to be the biggest
pair of cunts I've ever met?
And I've met Ant and Dec.
It's been really good for me,
this trip, Siobhan.
It's been bloody selfish,
is what it's been.
I'm entitled to have
some time to myself.
You should do the same.
Leave me out of this.
This has got nothing to do with me.
It obviously has.
It's always about you.
It always has been.
You didn't need to take
Mum's role, Siobhan.
You were just a kid yourself.
But you did, because that was
the only way that you could
deal with her death. And I let you
because I could see that
it filled a hole. But it stops now.
It's exhausting.
I love you, Siobhan.
But, please
You're not Mum.
So, live your life
and let me live mine.
Mistakes and all.
Three weeks on your own and
you've turned into a right
cocky little shit.
Oh, God.
The truth will out, Linda,
because it always does.
Tell them who you are
and stop being a weird idiot.
Or I will.
And why are you dressed like
Julian Cope?
WHISPERS: Twat.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut
you off there, Jackie.
Breaking news just in -
the results are back from the lab
and has been confirmed
that the bones found by
the developers are definitely human.
They've been sent off
for further analysis.
The plot thickens.
Back after this.
ACOUSTIC GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS
There you go.
Ah
The wife's found out about Lin's
fucking ledger.
It's causing a lot of problems.
They're already timing and costing
their chores now.
They said it
already adds up to a spa weekend.
You better hope this don't
catch on, Steve.
It's like the Icelandic women's
strike of 1975 all over again.
Jesus Christ.
Hello?
Ags?
Is anyone home?
Hello?
Oh! Could you stop doing that?
What?
I just want to tell you that
I'm staying in the pub tonight
because they found As you know,
the bones are human,
but they haven't dated them yet,
and I don't fancy staying out
in the woods on my own in a caravan
with no lock on the door.
Human bones, you say? Whoa! Please!
Why don't you have a drink with us,
Linda?
Settle them nerves.
You'll get some of faither's
special whisky out.
And maither's special glasses.
No, no, I just want to go.
It's very nice of you, but,
but I'd just much rather
Oh, sorry.
I'd be honoured to have some
of faither's special whisky
out of one of maither's
special glasses. Thank you.
Thank you.
The water of life.
SHE CHOKES AND COUGHS
SHE HACKS LOUDLY
BIRDS' WINGS FLAP
Don't fret about no bones, Linda,
nor your tree.
Oh, all right. I won't fret, then.
Why is no-one bothered about this?
It's all sorted, Linda.
Great-great-grandfaither
seen to it.
Great-great-grandfaither
WHISPERS: Here we go again.
he was born on this land
over by them bins,
and was returned to it over there,
by that tree.
Got dug up.
Then was returned to another
part of it.
Do you know what?
Really sick of these riddles.
Why don't you just speak norm?
No!
You didn't.
The bones
are great-great-grandfaither's?
Oh
Hah!
Isn't that illegal? Not round here.
Forest rules.
Do others know?
Them as need to know knows.
Forest folk what has the forest
in their hearts.
And the pathologist's office.
And the police.
And third cousin Bernadette.
Her loves digging up bones.
And now you.
And now me.
See, Carm? Digging up the past does
sometimes work.
We trust you, Linda.
And we don't
want the whole town knowing,
so keep it on the low-down.
WHISPERS: I will.
Oh, it's down-low.
What is?
You said
Nothing.
Cheers.
Here's to friendship.
And truth.
SHE SWALLOWS LOUDLY
Jesus! You swallow loudly.
Oh, Sally, my dear,
it's you I'd be kissing
She smiled and replied, "You
don't know what you're missing."
Oh, Sally, my dear,
I wish I could wed you ♪