The Doomies (2026) s01e04 Episode Script

1
-[crows cawing]
-[thunderclap]
[thunderclap]
[Kim grunting]
[panting, groans]
Restless dead!
Mark my word,
this seal thou shalt never break through,
never to rise anew!
[screams]
[Bobby strains]
One.
[straining]
And done.
Whoo. Four years of this
and I'll be ripped!
[grunts] Okay, let's say five.
-[Jenny] Bobby…
-Huh?
…your weird friends are here.
Whoo! [chuckles]
Hey, Bubs, I hate to ask,
but can you be at the diner at 12:00?
-I need to, uh, run an errand.
-[Bobby] Sure.
Anything for my favorite aunt. [chuckles]
-Mmm. [smacks lips] Mmm.
-You better be there.
[slurps]
All right!
[grunting]
[both chuckle, babble]
So, Doug's translating the runes
on the Ragata Rock.
What's our plan?
Terror Tours brochures!
Now is our chance to use my arm to debunk…
-Or bunk.
-…Ouimper's most touristy mysteries.
Failing that, we can always cash in
on their meal deals.
Ka-ching!
Let's go hunt some monsters.
Next.
[yawns] The Yawning Cave is a no-glow.
Any spooky apparitions?
Just splinters.
[groans] Sure hope Doug
is making better progress
translating those runes.
[Doug groans] I'm not making any progress!
[sighs] Come on, Doug, focus.
-This brain commands you.
-[mouse chitters]
Ooh. [gasps]
[mouse chitters]
A mouse. I can't have it
eating through my grimoires.
I got the traps. I just need some bait.
Hmm. Let's see.
If I were a mouse,
which cheese would be my downfall?
Let's see. Blue? Comté? Reblochon?
Better sample 'em first though.
[chitters]
-Mm-mmm.
-Come on, gnomes.
Please be evil!
[sighs] This is useless. [groans]
-And we're running out of brochures.
-[metal squeaking]
[squeaking continues]
[crows cawing]
[Romy] Hey, that crypt
belongs to the Cramezels,
Ouimper's founding family.
Why'd you lead us here, Kim?
[granny] Beware!
Those ancient lords were evil rulers.
It's said they fed off the poor.
Yeah, like all rich folk.
No, they literally ate the poor
for they were vampires.
Peasant, pheasant,
maybe it tastes the same.
Evil rulers, ancient vampires!
Oh, I think we've just found our monsters.
-[bell rings]
-[exclaims] Twelve o'clock.
Sorry, guys,
investigation's gonna have to wait.
Uh, can you give me a lift?
[Kim] I'll catch you worms later.
I want to check something out.
[tires screeching]
-[Romy screams]
-[Bobby grunts]
[sighs] You're a real lifesaver.
Ooh. How do I look?
Um, why?
You're just running an errand, right?
Jenny, I saw these.
Their fragile beauty moved me
and made me think of thee, my love.
[chuckles] That is so sweet. [gasps]
[clears throat] Uh, Bobby…
[chuckles] …this is Maël.
Maël Lezemarc. [chuckles]
-[growls]
-[gasps]
And this is us leaving. Okay, bye.
Thanks for the diner.
[chuckling] Oh, I didn't know
Jenny was dating. [exclaims]
Uh… [inhales deeply]
Wow, you are not taking this well.
It's not that. It's-- It's that guy.
I-- [sighs] I had a vision.
I think he's a vampire.
'Cause of the pale face, the pointy ears
and the old clothes?
Nah, I don't see it.
Oh, now you're a skeptic?
[chuckles] All I see is my bestie
looking for a reason
to dislike his future uncle-in-law.
[chuckles]
[sighs] Besides, how cool would it be
living with a vampire?
[rock music playing]
[screams]
[music ends]
It wouldn't be cool at all.
Living with a vampire would totally suck.
Well, you can relax
'cause your arm wasn't glowing,
which means Maël can't be evil, right?
Romy, please, trust me on this one.
We vowed to protect Ouimper from monsters,
and I've got a bad feeling
Jenny's dating one.
[sighs] All right, B. What's the plan?
Okay, we need to find a way
to bring out his fangs,
proving he is a vampire,
thus saving Jen from his evil clutches.
It's the only way to stop him
from destroying my home life.
Yeah, you are taking this hard.
[seagulls squawking]
-[chuckling]
-[shutter clicks]
Wait, can vampires be photographed?
Bobby? Who's manning the diner?
Uh. Ah, don't worry. It's in steady hands.
Hmm. Hmm?
Whoopsie. [chuckles]
Uh, two more coffees.
So, good news. We're free to hang.
Yeah, um, I'm not sure we want
a third wheel or a fourth.
Chaperones are always welcome.
We wouldn't want the town
to descend into frivolous gossip.
So, uh, how come
we've never seen you around?
Oh, I'm more of a nocturnal animal.
-What do you eat?
-I'm a fussy eater.
I've got quite specific, uh,
dietary requirements.
-Do you sleep in a coffin?
-Favorite blood type?
[groans]
Enough questions!
[both] Hmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Help! Oh, no! We're bleeding out! Oh!
-Oh, so much blood!
-It's all over!
-Won't somebody do something?
-Blood! It's all Over!
Blood.
[groans]
-[door opens]
-[Maël] Hello.
May I come into this fine
frozen desserts establishment?
[ice-cream seller] Yes, welcome.
See, vampires can't enter places
without being invited in.
Some people are just polite.
We're gonna need better proof.
-How about sunbathing at the beach?
-[thunderclap]
Curse you, Brittany weather!
Doth my love wish to flee the rain
and seek shelter in my humble abode?
Oh, you mean home?
Yeah, we'd love to come to yours.
[groans] Okay, what are you two doing?
Um, welcoming Maël into the family
'cause I'm a supportive nephew. [giggles]
And I'm the supportive friend
of the supportive nephew. [chuckles]
So, how did you guys meet?
Mmm. Yes.
A most welcome trespasser
trespassed into my life.
-[chuckles]
-[Maël] 'Twas a peddler
who promised me the world
in the palm of my hand.
Whoa.
People usually have boring profile pics,
like holding a dog or whatever.
But Maël posted
painted portraits of himself.
[inhales sharply] So handsome.
Hmm.
[Doug] Clever little mouse.
You were right.
That Camembert wasn't mature enough.
I see I found
a worthy opponent. [chuckles]
But I just need a smarter trap.
[chuckles]
[crows cawing]
-[gasps]
-[gasps]
Wait, you live in Hermit Mansion?
Is that what the gossipers call it?
Well, I prefer its true name,
Blood Moon Château.
[gulps]
-[gasps]
-Do come in.
[gasps, squeals, giggles]
[chimes]
This phone thing has transformed my life
and my abode.
It has made my home a smart home.
Look. Look at its intelligence.
[electronic voice]
Sun-fearing mode activated.
[screams]
Ooh, romantic.
Time to investigate.
Behold my record collection.
But 'tis antiquated now that
my phone thing hath stored all my songs.
[classical music playing]
Ooh. [chuckles]
Aha! A handy guide to Transylvania.
[imitating vampire]
That doesn't prove anything.
And given Jenny's so smitten,
you're gonna need rock-solid proof, buds.
Jenny's gonna argue
that Maël's just not as vain as you.
Hmm?
You can never have enough capes.
-Hmm?
-I know what Jenny's gonna say.
"Oh, Maël photo-edited me
into an old-timey painting?
[chuckles] The goof."
Listen, maybe there is
no solid proof because--
-No way.
-What?
Look. Maël's name.
Lezemarc is just the reverse of Cramezel.
Like the vampire family.
[chuckles] Yes!
[Jenny clears throat]
I have had it with you.
I know you'd rather live with your mom,
but I-I thought this was working.
We had a deal.
You get to run around chasing monsters
at all hours and I get to go out.
But-- But I-I swear Maël is a vampi--
Enough! Not one more word from you.
[jazz music playing]
I am so sorry, Maël.
Bobby will repay the breakage, I promise.
Thou can sashay into my DMs anytime,
as the youths say.
I need to lock up the diner,
but we are gonna have a serious talk.
[Bobby groans]
She'll come around
once we've uncovered the whole truth.
If Maël really is a Cramezel,
and they were all vampires,
the crypt might hold
all the proof we need.
[cawing]
[both gulp]
-Hey, guys.
-[both yelping]
Kim, you're still here?
It's like I'm remembering something
f-from a past life
but nothing's down here.
Let's see what my arm has to say.
Huh?
Maël's name. See?
He is meant to be dead,
but he's undead,
which means he's gotta be a vampire.
[hisses]
[yelps] That's new.
[screaming]
[yelps]
[grunts, gasps]
[elder] Ah, thou bear our master's mark.
Tell us, art thou friend, foe or food?
We're not big on labels.
[elder] The seal has been breached!
Arise from thy slumber, brethren!
[hissing]
[growling]
[squeals] Vampires!
Real vampires! [screams]
This is the proof you need
to convince Jenny
you're not just a clingy nephew!
[whimpers] Jenny.
Go. I've got this.
[both panting]
Maybe it's time we warned Doug.
-[phone buzzing]
-[Doug chuckles] Oh, what was that?
[panting]
[mumbles, chuckles] I'm gonna get you.
Oh, you're gonna get it.
[Bobby, Romy panting]
[Maël hisses]
It hath been so long.
The seal breached.
My family arisen.
[screams] Whew.
At least we know vampires
can't come in uninvited.
[both scream]
Jenny!
Have you come to apologize?
No, I've come to save you from your date!
This again?
Maël has his quirks,
but you know how hard it is
to find a nice date in Ouimper?
Listen to him. He's telling the truth.
[stammers] I give up.
I tried to be a good aunt, but this?
This is too much.
[groans]
Jenny, come with me.
-[gasps]
-Mind control.
The oldest vampire trick in the book!
We better gear up and fast
before Maël turns Jenny
into his vampire bride.
Time to bite back.
You ate all the garlic?
But not the garlic sausages!
[rings]
Come on, let's go hunt some vampires.
Ah, I see it now.
It totally does look like a vampire lair.
-[whimpers]
-Cheer up.
Worst-case scenario, we get turned
into vampires with super cool powers.
I mean, this is a win-win situation here.
[growls]
[growling, hissing]
-[both scream]
-[screeches]
The vampires, they were drawn here.
-Whoa.
-We've gotta hurry.
[gasps]
[Romy] We're too late.
She's a newly-dead newlywed.
Ugh, slow down.
I had to change.
I spilled tea on myself earlier.
But he was mind-controlling you!
Oh, 'cause I can't think for myself?
I left the diner to cool off.
And I may not be a vampire,
but I will become your worst nightmare
if you don't leave me alone.
Foolish children.
Ye have brought my family here.
-[gasps]
-I took Jenny with me
for they are following thee.
'Tis that mark.
My kind is called to it.
[gasps]
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Your family's coming?
Are we really doing this?
Isn't it too soon to meet the family?
I mean, uh,
I don't even know your middle name.
[elder] Maël Andrez Cramezel,
my dear nephew.
Still trying to fit in
with the humans, I see.
[gasps]
I'd rather pretend to be human
than give in and be a monster
like you, Aunt Esther.
[elder] Now, now, Maël.
I understand that seal
made thee forego thy nature,
but thy manners?
Thou are in need of discipline.
[gasps, grunts]
I don't think Maël was a real vampire
until we breached the seal.
[gulps] I messed up big time.
Indeed. If we are to survive,
thou owest thine aunt
an elaborate apology.
It's not over.
Not yet.
[grunting]
[chuckles]
[screams]
[screeching]
[hissing, screeching]
[grunts]
Thou said this chosen one
was from a weaker spell.
Fear not, brethren.
This time, we shall destroy her.
This time?
[grunting]
Sausage!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Mind answering a few questions
for the Doomies channel?
What would you say
are your greatest weaknesses?
[growls]
-Kim!
-[grunting]
[straining]
[chuckles]
[screeches]
[Kim grunts]
[screaming]
-[growls]
-[yelps]
[screams, yelps]
-[growls]
-Garlic!
[growls]
Enough!
[straining]
[chuckles]
[straining continues]
[screams, grunts]
No! My love!
Jenny!
Do not fret, mark-bearer.
Thou shall be spared, after a fashion.
I will not let you turn him.
I'm sorry… [sighs] … for everything.
Trust me, we all make mistakes.
Just do not let them define ye.
[chiming]
The blinds.
Crafty little tool.
Daybreak. Right on time.
-[grunts]
-[screeching]
What?
[electronic voice]
Sun-fearing mode deactivated.
[hissing]
[gasps]
[chuckles] The sun is weak.
Thou art weak.
-Curse you Brittany weather!
-[thunderclap]
Ooh! [exclaims]
[gasps]
[hissing]
[hisses]
[screams]
No!
[birds chirping]
Huh?
Are you all right, Maël?
Aw.
What?
Jen's happiness is all that matters.
[Jenny yawns] Wow. I must've zoned out.
[sniffs] Ooh, weird.
But-- Wha-- Glad to see everyone
getting along…
[chuckles] … suspiciously well.
My dearest Jenny, I fear
that I have not been honest with thee.
I am a vampire.
Oh, I get it.
'Cause you wanna spend
all of eternity with me. [chuckles]
How about we start with another date?
But this time without chaperones.
And I'm still cross with you, Bobby.
But I appreciate the effort
you're making with Maël.
I guess a side effect
of getting mind-controlled
is getting your mind wiped.
Huh. Who knew?
Formed from a weaker spell?
[Romy] We'll set up here.
Thanks for agreeing to do this.
[chuckles] An interview with a vampire.
Oh, it's finally happening.
-[stammers]
-[Doug] Aha! I did it!
I outsmarted you. [chuckles]
I am the big cheese.
I'm not gonna ask.
Just tell me you've translated the runes.
-The what?
-[groans]
These runes? 'Tis ancient language.
I can translate them if thou will.
Hmm?
These speak of a terrible entity.
The very same my family
made a pact with to become immortal
all those centuries ago.
-It is called Mordam.
-[thunderclap]
And Bobby, it has claimed thy soul.
[gasps]
[gasps] Drats.
[theme song playing]